Channel: Faaik Gamieldien
Dowry and Mahr
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Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah no matter who you know who want us to Pharaoh who are not going to be on the teleco Alley, when I will be learning in Cerulean fusina I'm into Medina by the Hillel love for them. They love it. Who am I up to? The other? One a Chateau La ilaha illAllah hula, hula sharika wanna shadow Anna, Mohammed Abu or a solo? So the water of B was Allahu alayhi. wa. It was heavy woman, but without it he
died. Brothers and sisters in Islam. Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.
First of all, let me apologize for last week's intervention.
Yeah, we did manage to fix the technical problem afterwards. So today, inshallah we will do part two of the marriage contract,
which involves the mother or the dour, which probably is the most important part of the marriage contract.
But before we get there, let me just introduce the subject of the dow by roughly speaking about
the world he or the guardian
of the bride and the role of the guardian of the product, what is the role of a wallet? What is the role of a guardian? First of all, what is the what will leave mean? What does the word Guardian mean? It is either the father or the grandfather, paternal grandfather. All right. So they are called guardians mean,
the bride is the daughter. And they have the responsibility of looking after caring for looking after a future looking after everything, in terms of a welfare. Now it's overly is one who looks after the welfare of the bride.
And they're cool also called Hollywood well, meaning a Wali who has the capacity to marry his daughter, to any person he deems fit as a as a bridegroom for her without her permission.
Of course, we don't have that today. Of course, and Hannah, we say that no, a father doesn't have the right to give his daughter a marriage to a suitable person, which he has chosen for her. If she is a, an adult, human, she's reached adulthood, she has the right to choose the brother, her partner, herself.
She may even also
Solomon eyes the marriage herself, but the Father has the right to cancel the marriage. If
the daughter in Hannah's
chooses a person who is not her social equal, are the words the person should choose must be suitable for that she can make that choice. Otherwise, she can't make the choice. But a man wish if you're a Diwali, or the Guardian is an absolute necessary part of the marriage contract. If a father says no, you cannot marry x gives us reasons for it. Of course,
this is not suitable and that is not suitable, then she cannot contract the marriage contract the marriage without his permission, he has to give permission and he's in his in his absence, his father can give permission.
It is also important to note that a father doesn't automatically
become the world he
is only the one he has performed his duties as a father.
Then we didn't desert the mother when the child was growing up, or neglected to maintain the child and suddenly now the child's getting married guy comes around and says, but I'm the worldly, I'm the father I want to
give my daughter away now, you can lose that right. So, his rights are the right of the world he is dependent on his while on his guardianship and how he fulfilled the ingredients of that guardianship or the requirements of that garbage, very important.
So that is one eye and the other most important are the two things. So first, he must fulfill the conditions of valaya by having cared for her throughout her life. Number two,
he has to see that the person she gets married to a suitable candidate for marriage for his daughter.
And he can object if he feels that the man is not suitable for
For his daughter.
Number two, secondly,
he must negotiate with a husband. That dowry that he wants the future husband to pay for his daughter or to his daughter odd.
You know, today we have trivialized a lot of our Deen we have made it just, you know,
Muscovy, you know,
you know, the woman will say or the bride will say, you know, I'm not a gold digger. So, you know, I'm just going to ask him for a nominal amount of money.
But it isn't only her responsibility, she has to consult her family. She has to constantly mother, her brothers or sisters or father, they have to have a meeting, they have to have a gathering, they have to decide what the Dow is going to be they look at the situation of the of the future administered about Goldie, this is the right of the
internet. After all, she's giving herself so Hi, Lola. And sometimes, you know, parents have invested lots and lots of K time and money in raising their children's particularly the girl children,
send him to schools and university lets them look after them look after the
the the character develop the character, send them to school madrasah, etc, etc. You know, bring them up as good Muslim women so that they could pick up good Muslim wives and good Muslim mothers.
And a woman is and as I've said in my lecture on women, very precious gift which allows has given to a man to have a daughter.
And therefore, couples that have all more children sometimes yearn for a girl.
And of course vice versa as well.
So that is the Wali don't say that who I leave it to my daughter to decide No, Your daughter is in love my brother. He is she's going to even give say Oh, don't worry, don't worry.
In Egypt, and also, we'll come to that. I'll give you the example that example later.
So that is called Wild guardianship. That is the role of the Father ended. In his absence. The grandfather, even in his basement, the grandfather, the father can say I gave my father the honor to give my daughter and his granddaughter in marriage. Mashallah, which was a happy day.
So I'm going to talk about Tao in the Quran and Allah Subhana Allah says,
saw the RT hyndland Allah will add to me Sir sadu party in
a large swath of the seas, and give
the dour the moho
as a gift,
as a free gift
was given as a free I think connected to it as a free gift. So what is the actual reason for the dour? It's a gift
to the wife, it's a gift. Otherwise, if you give something as a gift, you don't expect it back. You don't expect?
Why do you give gifts to people so they feel happy, they feel contented. They feel that you recognize them, you go to the wedding, you bring a present, people feel good, that you respect them, you honor them, that they've invited you suddenly with a gift. And it must be a free gift. It is also very importantly a gift of honor. And this is this is very, very important.
It's not just $500 or 1000 Rand or a Kruger and it's a gift of honor.
So many people, you know, always say, you know the girl will say oh, you know, I tell why aren't married? Oh, yes. And yes, I've got somebody so while in a very always busy get a buying a house assume or a flat.
So then I always ask him how much of the effect is yours? No, no, he's buying it for us. For us, really, but it's on his name. So tomorrow if he leaves you will you get half the flat off of the house? No, but you know, sometimes it is but you he's supposed to be that are supposed to be for you. Because if he didn't get married, he wouldn't buy a house.
At the state at the stage where he was. So it's for you. In fact, part of the Dow should be yours. In Egypt. They have this custom tradition
that even men comes to ask for the hand in marriage of their daughter. They have
Have a HIPAA which is an engagement which means they they discuss things like our service and it is customary for the for the future husband to if his proposal is accepted to then start working in order for him to own
a flat. Normally in Egypt, people live in flats,
which will be all registered in her name.
customary law in Asia,
they will find that Egyptians get married late
because they it takes them quite a while to get the money to advance and be able to be debt free and was very interested in her name. So, therefore, you find that in his matrimony in Islam,
matriarchy, sorry matriarchy in Islam, is the way of married life, the woman is in charge of the whole
day the husband is not in charge, the woman is in charge. Why? Because she owns the home in which he lives. So panela. So it's secure that she's totally secured. He can do what he wants to do, but the Hovis has
allows mounting identities. So that is how they honor the dollar must show also a willingness, first of all, a willingness on the part of the future husband to enter into marriage.
That that is the first sign that he really wants to marry your daughter.
That if you tell him
you should tell
your daughter should have nothing to do with it. You tell him you call him and say, we've decided that the Dow is going to be five krugerrands for example.
You might have a smile on his face, because he wants to know that even if you said 25,000 or if you said if you said 5 billion and say well
I do putera whatever, you know, I'll pay it off, no problem, whatever whatever she wants. Because I want to bury I want to have as my life.
And it shows that he wants to establish a family with her.
Because he's not thinking of leaving no us ever home. He wants to have a family with her. And he wants to build the foundation of affection and love.
And he wants it to be happy.
From even before. That's why in many Arab countries, the future husband pays part of the Dotty before he gets buried.
For what for to prepare to buy a true so who must pay for the juicer sent to follow his or her family pace in our custom so that she can buy the two cells so she can
do whatever she wishes to prepay. There is a reception to be given because 1000s of rands
he has to give
a portion of that as part of the dowry prior to but we don't have those customers.
But it doesn't mean that we because it's not customary for us. We cannot Institute those customs, order to make it easy for future and we know that today. Young people don't want to get married.
There's so many young women walking around. So in my days, by the time a girl was 2324 she was married. Same with a man today they 35 they get mad when they're 3536
it's also just the parents are so happy that you're getting married you know you the dowry becomes a total secret. Oh, I left it to my daughter design unit. We don't want to get involved. Mahalo Lakota Bella, we practice so many innovations. But those things that we need to practice those things, it's part of our social structure that will bind families together that will ensure the safety and the continuity of the home and the family. Those are the traditions that we should foster those other
customs that we should build up and bring into our Deen and I must tell families that you must every Muslim family must have a family though.
A Family Dollar
well seems to have family dollars. The Navy sallallahu Sallam had a $1 all his wives that he married. He gave them 500 silver D
500 silver disrobe is approximately
1400 grams of silver which today would be the value would be about 6000 6000 7000 approximately 7000.
So all these 13 wives he gave 13,000 except the first one.
Khadija de la tierra. So,
in those days 7000 rain was a lot of money, but because of the honor of the bride, Prophet, honor these wives
and hadiza What did she get? Her, they just family came along and said
her family like no foul.
They said, We want you to give it 20 2020 counts 20 cows, we know cows expensive
20,000 30,000 and a cow. So let's say 20,000 20,000 times.
I mean, yeah, 20,000 times 20
you can work it out. So a lot of money to give him in those days. I mean, that was a long time, one time 1400 years ago. Today, we want to give not even the price of a sheep
for husband gives his wife $510 the price
you can make a buy today, you can't even buy office sheep in the butcher. Never mind the whole human being. I mean, whenever we are selling our daughters, but I mean, I'm just saying comparatively speaking.
So we need to upgrade.
And we need to be open. But what do we do? Is it a shame we put everything on the shoulders of our daughters, they might go and find a husband Machado, the dowry, etc, etc. No, it is the father's job that is a family's job and set a family now. Don't be afraid to say the family though
wouldn't be five children. And today we're gonna answer because gold is always gold.
Those will always be able to use and it doesn't have to give all of it and I'll explain that dollar can be divided into two parts, but we'll come to that later. inshallah.
So, dollar has been instituted
by Islam as
to underline the prestige of the
prestige of the marriage and to to raise the honor of the goal
and the dollar
as certain qualifications
or condition. First is that the dollar is the inalienable right of the life. What does that mean inalienable? It means it cannot be taken away.
It cannot be discounted it she cannot be dispossessed of $1
it's hard, right?
so let's assume that
the Dow is five krugerrands and he divorces her
and he's only paid 500
the balance will be his debt until the death pay monthly basis.
So, if he divorces The first thing he has to pay has to give a power that he owes can Okay, that cannot be negotiated. non negotiable inalienable got to divorce to the dollar falls away, that will never falls away. And if he dies,
it is the first debt against his estate she could claim from his estate, the Dow which we chose. And of course, the reason that I'm doing the dollar as part this is part of the contract have made so you can see that I'm not dealing with witnesses and
divorce and now I'm dealing with those issues which need to go into the contract.
So the contract will say that if there is a divorce in this outstanding dowry, you will pay the outstanding dowry immediately.
Important point, but sometimes people just get divorced and they say well, I owe you money. But now we're divorced now, don't you anymore. Number two, it is empty. scriptable.
Empty scriptable means the wife will never lose her entitlement
because of the lapse of time.
If they married for 16 years, and he said I was a part of the daddy has to pay it. Because you want to look out to you for 16 years I did this and that. You forgot to ask me now You asked me it's a bit like no, they still like this. even death. Even death doesn't solve the problem for the hospital.
Divorce doesn't solve the problem. But as again, as I say, these have to be written into the contract.
Otherwise, how are you going to enforce it?
If it's not written down any way, you can go nowhere to demand it.
And that's why I sometimes
say that we've taken away the mention of the dowdy Anthony car.
Why? Because before when it was mentioned, and it was sent around to the chef sitting there, they would send around the car for Google and Google and it showed the honor of the husband that is given to the girl number two,
there are so many witnesses who knows that that is the dour.
So there's no discussion of four but I say too much. And you know, it can happen, I'm sure it can happen now. Because no one mentioned in the in India, in Africa,
there's no mention of the gods now, it's what they've agreed upon.
I think that's a cop out. That's a real cop out for the men not to give, or not to pay the dowry, or for the woman, or the vagina, she tells him Don't worry, man, they don't mention so just just give me my politics or like, you leave it to be
give me 500
you know, I love you and you love me and you want to get married. It's a whole for the for the two of them, it's an emotional thing. But for you as the Father, you can stand back and you can say my goal. This is how we do it in this house. From small you tell them
this is a daddy of if there's a girl in the family, so much they will pay so much will allow you will be and then daddy can be paid off.
So if you tell a man look, I want
we've decided as a family, because you must consult your wife and your children that our daughter will will be five krugerrands that is the dowry of our family.
This is like I don't know probably
you give her what you have as a as a prom daddy now
you can't afford now, we put it in the contract and it will be payable at a certain set a time.
For example, you will say if you should divorce it becomes payable. If you die becomes payable.
Or if the marriage lasts for 20 years, it will become payable, you can do the old one can put any kind of condition. It is also a balanced against divorce. Because if the dowry is high, if the dowry is high, and he hasn't paid it yet,
you will think twice of divorcing them, I should divorce her, I will have to come up with maybe
a lot of money.
But remember is taken away is their children needs to be looked after. So for the time. So there's a lot of wisdom in writing these things down.
The second very important thing is what can constitute a doubt.
Anything and everything that can be valued in money terms can be a doubt.
You can't say I give you a cause of duality.
What kind of car what the value of the car.
So if he says I'm going to give you a car, if you ask him for the car, the dolly was part of the dolly, you might say it must be beside these beans, 92 and so on and so with for a new car of their quality of that amount of money, etc.
I've come across many cases where the writers know the woman tells between 10 years later, 15 years later, he or she you know, he told me that he could take me for Hajj as my daddy.
Now he's either died and we haven't gone for hygiene. Or he's now divorced me. So if you haven't gone for hydrate both we haven't been registered recombinations COVID. And all this came in, then they divorced me.
But on you claim Hodge
as your data, how do you claim it?
Because you have attached a value to it. He can't give it to you. He says Well, what what do you want to ask me? We haven't agreed on an amount of money.
People come with all these arguments. So you need to say if he says
I'm going to take you for over as part of your salary, then you must take in the contract an aura which will be valued at 100,000.
So if it doesn't take your formula, if he dies in his in his world, will be written there that you will owe you 100,000
and even if Ahmed says well, you know like
he will say two years 50,000 and we're going for Amara that's your your part and whatever else I'll pay Don't worry no
No, no, no, no, he must give you your under 1000 any new NSA darlings would not be game for Amara days. Yo, Amara Marie, as it is attending the country, no arguments.
be very sure that
your matrimonial home you have offshore of us as a wife,
that's also a deterrent for us but not to divorce you.
Because if you divorce it, you will have to leave that house. If you have minor children, the law will give you that house to live in until you all your children have reached maturity.
So the downward then is the countervailing balance, the husband has got the right to divorce you at any time.
Or to take a second wife. Why? Why don't I suppose the second wife's in Cape Town or in the world, because they have nothing to lose.
It's only easy to look at a girl and say, Well, I can get back to my wife while you know she's gonna.
I don't know anything, you know, the houses are mine and the cars in my name, I have cars in my name, I gave it everything? Well,
you must think first of all, I must pay the dollar per hour. Secondly, I have to
the half the houses are earning.
So I can't tell the take the children in the nappy bags and go to your father's house.
You have to you must think about that, before you get married to the second party was not written in the contract, don't come to me later on and say, Gosh, I worked so hard with him, you know,
you know, he paid the bond, but I paid everything as electricity in the water and the food and everything in the house is super, you know, we always your father.
We wasted the grief that you have. And from UCT, your accountant or you're a doctor or you're a lawyer
or when it comes to your personal self you it's because the father though really didn't plays a role throughout the
most important part is at the beginning of the marriage stipulation of the dour, drying up of the contract. Very, very important. And the Dow is that linchpin that will keep that marriage in Charlotte together.
is known for stealing other people's money. Like it isn't the bourbon in this country was it could take as much money from the state as you wanted to because, you know, nobody went to jail.
So it went totally out of control. People took what they wanted the same with marriage. Same with people marrying over and over again, because they walk in and they walk out.
We got nothing to lose. And Islam has given the women this rite of putting stipulations within the marriage contract, not because they want to do anything which is negative. No, because they need to protect themselves
and allows fondling the professor Sam has given us this right
that we should protect our women from
the time of law for example.
You know the time Rama
lots of money flowed into Medina, from way because in his 10 year rule, half he conquered half the world, the non civilized world, rich, a rich world, Persian Empire, Roman Empire,
Egypt all these places
and a lot of money came into the coffers of Medina people became rich Mashallah. And the women starting started
increasing the tower. So I'm on one day
he made a lecture I told the people
that from today I am going to restrict
what a lady can ask us about one to 400 dyrham 400 silver coins.
Because he says the women are exploiting the men they just want they know that people have money so they ask ridiculous amounts of money.
So never say Wow, that's a ridiculous amount of money. that that person woman is asking as a doubting whether she thinks she's what happened or not came out of the match. It was the old lady standing at the door and the lady sitting over. You have just done something which is against the Quran from last time. So this is a top dog a lotta hugs the lady use a mirror what we need
noodling around inside out. But we can't forget. We can forget
that verses in the Quran or that verses in the Quran dealing with that matter that matter. So he said the oscillating What is the matter? What did I do wrong? You said you have no right to reduce the down
You have no right to tell women what they can ask for down what they can't ask for them.
So this is why she said because allows her hand what Allah says in the Holy Quran. Why is the Dallas Elgin McKenna's out
what they do and their own component for hoodoo minutia.
she said was he knew for your purpose, I will translate, he says allows she says to him allows fungal assays or interactive Estep data zildjian mechanism.
Allah says to the to the man, if you want to change your life,
change, you want to divorce your wife and you want to take another wife.
Listen carefully to the last analysis.
Well, I tell you, the winner kintaro.
And you've given
one of your wives, the one that you want to divorce, you've given that wife pin Taran creations of gold and silver as a doll, you gave a massive amount of golden service has done
for that who do minutia. Don't take a sin back. Don't take one dyrham back from her.
So she says sama knew what it meant for the ultimate, Allah meant that you can give the wife can ask for treasures of golden silver, and she will be entitled to it. And if you should divorce or lever, you're not allowed to take away one single cent from what you are given.
Many men today when they they say, you know I bought this property, and that's for you. And that property is for you by darling. And that property is for you. And that policy is for you. And this is for you. And then you find another wife, and he comes and he says, you know, we just since Well, no divorce now finish, you know, I think was on your name. Just Oh, you know, I've got and she will read by a friend, you know,
reporters, you know, for me, and it's already there. But yeah, of course, the internet isn't a lover all the time for the rest of his life without any conditions she puts.
So it's important for us as fathers, and grandfathers, if you want to get out, go to our graves list fully and peacefully, that we know that our daughters have a contract. Similarly, if you want to die peacefully, you must have what must have a wall.
This is all part of living this world peacefully. So even if the husband is somebody that you don't like and somebody that you think is not doing justice to your daughter, you know that whatever happens to you got a contract, she can do this. And she can do that. And she can she's not lost.
She doesn't have to I don't have to tell them.
You know if anything happens, my child, don't worry, your room is waiting for you at home. No, no.
We never say that to your child.
We make sure that she has a house to stay in.
What do you make sure you make sure that she has asked to stay.
And ultimately the house will be either in her name or in both innings. Listen to what I'm saying? Do I deal with these problems? For more than 40 years now I know what I'm talking about. And I know that
sometimes get into this split for the children you can manage and they will forego all their rights don't do that.
A man is only deserving of your toto daughter if he agrees
to the marriage contract. For example, if you tell tell him that if you divorce my child, then because a dowry can be divided into two parts. The first part is the part which he pays at the time of marriage. So let's assume the dowry is 100,000. Let's assume
which is not a lot of money.
But you tell him at the time of marriage You only give up
or 1000 was not about the money now.
Can you if you disagree with me says what about the rest of the say the Dow is 200,000 This is what about the rest of the 20,000 you say that my dear son, you don't have to bother about because that only becomes payable if you should divorce. So you pay 2000
And we agreed 200,000 and then and then 80,000 of the compatible way, only for divorce. So if you don't divorce what happens, then it is payable upon this
other words when you die, you it's written in your wall that I owe my wife and 8000 and deferred our
hourly pay so much when I got married, the race was deferred either until divorce. So if it's a million Rand, for example, you will think three times before he marries another wife or before he divorces
it considered reconsider, try to improve whatever needs to be improved in the marriage. And if he's dead, you don't have to worry about our, his his estate, we'll have to carry it. Whatever is in the state. If the state is less than the Dow, he takes out this thing.
So apart from the athletic, he also gets 30 foot our dog, so the dog can be massive. But do you only pay 510? So if he says no, I can't I don't agree with that. And you must know already is now thinking already of first is money or sickness thinking? What if I shouldn't divorce? So how can a man
because he can't think he's not going to die? Cuz you can do that. But if a man says Look, I need to think about this
$500,000 you must pay your daughter. But you tell him he never gonna pay it. If you don't divorce, you never eat a bed. And if you die, it's taken from your state. If your state is not worth 500,000 they're only worth 50,000 the next up out of my mind my daughter
disagrees with that.
I say then dude, no problem. And that love is not as strong as it should have been.
So very important point is that it must have a money, monetary value.
Oh, she's gonna get out of the house. Which area? How much money? How many rooms
All right, so that's very important.
So it must be specified. And it must be able to be identified. Very important to remember
many men who come with Oh, you know I'm gonna give you heart she Mashallah, you know, I think he's giving us a dowry. He's gonna take up for Hajj. Yeah, right.
First governments go over then you must be registered, you know, that takes could take years.
So don't opt for that. Tell him Yeah, I will accept it provided we put a boundary value to the height or monetary value to them over but you have to pay from daddy when I get married a day. This is how much you should give me.
The balance will be the height that you want to give me. I hope you understand it very well in Sharla.
And I hope you also understand there is no limitation to dowry and allows for a woman can ask for anything. So women don't underpriced yourself. Don't undervalue yourself. Don't trivialize your value before you even have gone into the home of your husband. Because
you know what? We are human beings.
And this is how we are when we go and buy something in the show. What do we do? We want to buy the best quality It doesn't matter what it costs, you know the music. Darling, you want to dumb at all costs, I'll pay for it, you know.
But when it comes to you giving yourself away
your value is attached to the dowry.
Your value is attached to your dowry. And what are you also doing? You're saving a trend in your own family that you are going to create of value of your
girl children to value them.
Because the world will go down you want to marry Mr. X's daughter. That's how much you're going to pay but you're only going to pay 2000 upfront, but if we should divorce, they say oh, that's fine. I thought you know he's a very fussy man. And maybe he wants a lot of money. It's it
is a prompt out and this one at least differed a little bit like that enough
so now we have established a dolly.
is nothing in the contract.
You will pay at the time of nica
and so much will be deferred.
Either if he divorces me, he doesn't divorce me when he pays nothing and if he but if he dies, it is taken off his estate
pressure on him Really? Well, you know what? You can go up to spirit and say, You know what? I went to Chicago and asked his daughter, he said he wants a million Rand.
Explain, he wants 2000 downpayment. Well, I was ridiculous amount that 1,000,002,000. And as follows but under the wrist, while if I should divorce, I must pay the rest.
Makes a lot of sense.
It makes a lot of sense, the deans, panel law allows founders covered all the bases in the provinces elements, and the poverty of sulfacetamide example.
And the women have held to that reverted in the dialogue, or might have been hottub or be allowed to laugh.
So now the contract huntleigh sign remember, contract is not signed is not a valid document.
So two documents you must have when you get married, one is called a wall. And the other one is called a marriage contract.
Not just a marriage contract a will
need to make them demand a file for seven days and he gets architecting he dies. Even if he was the highest earning
person in the community.
And he didn't make a will you get nothing.
two things. And remember, husband's
two things you must have must have the
marriage contract and you must have you were drafted in terms of Islamic law to change it, but you must have a war. Very, very important.
Those are the two documents and you as a husband mashu You must think leadership
can you must take about the NFL is going to have a well drafted and is going to have a new father will say let's go and have the marriage contract drafted.
And I believe that next year new law will come out in South Africa where all the marriages will have will fall under one law.
The new Marriage Act and the regions will have the freedom to
have their marriages in terms of their own religious law. So inshallah we'll see next year, what that law is going to contain. But I'm sure one thing that is going to contain this.
for Muslims particularly,
it's going to stipulate that there must be a marriage contract.
Which means that our lawyers and our all ama need to come up to date and up to speed
with the important things which they can put in the contract, which is Sharia compliant. And we can see now, all the advantages that a woman has
to having things written down, inshallah.
brings us to the important part. And the first one was, of course, the question of
giving the wife the power of divorce, also in the marriage contract, she was awful. And you can't deny it.
What does it mean? It means that
if certain things happen, she can pronounce the voice upon herself. She can say I prathima Yeah, by divorce myself from you, because you've broken a condition of our marriage, which is that I said that you should not get married to a second wife without my permission.
Or if you don't maintain, I will do this or if you don't do that all in the contract.
important I think also to put in a contract is
the question of confidence. What is with a confident is a person that you
know, you can trust
confidentially with very
important matters, especially matters of your marriage. So if you as a husband have a problem with your wife,
where do you go? That you will know your wife will? It will be okay? If you go to that person, only that person's name is written in the contract. So you're asking all right, if I have a problem with you, my wife, you know, I will consult I will go to person x. Do you agree? She is Oh, I've met him? Oh, that person? Oh, no, no, that's a very good person. Excellent. If you have a problem with me, then you can speak to him and you know we can resolve it so well. So he will. He will be how confident he is confident and she will also have confidence. She will
Say, if there's a problem the marriage, then this person, I will Foner. So really, he knows before the time that if he shouted though, or does something wrong, she's gonna pick up the phone to that person and she's gonna talk to that person with His permission. Gender again is back. It's in accordance with His permission, either mother or father or sister or a framework doctor, whoever it may be confidant, and she will know if she acts up in the marriage is going to find that person and she's agreed already. And both of them none of those two persons are level headed person could be the alum, it could be the chef, it could be the doctor could be your family friend, it could be a
So you see, if all these things are all straightened out and ironed out at the beginning of the marriage, inshallah, you'll take that contact and you put on top of the wardrobe, and you'll never take it off. Because you will never need it. Why? Because everything they both have, you know.
And also, the other thing is important, because this is by far, I'm giving two lectures, because this is what constitutes the contract itself. The other thing, which is also vital in a contract is that, that breaks marriages, do a thing that breaks marriages,
or breaks a marriage is continuous argumentation, and keeping it between yourself and going to a third party. Only when the marriage is on the brink of divorce, optimism is at the brink of divorce, sometimes a very pronounced divorce, and they go somewhere for help.
So yeah, there'll be they've agreed on the way to resolve the issues.
The other important issue is
the question of maintenance, very important.
Especially when the wife is working,
maintenance, how's it gonna work?
one of the major complaints in many broken marriages are marriages, Sarah,
very unstable, is with a with a wife works and aspirin works.
They've already worked before they got married, they may be met at the same work
at the same place of employment.
But for the duration of the marriage. He doesn't know how much she earns, and she doesn't know how much he ends. Remember, one day it breaks a marriage slowly.
But fast it takes a long time
is this kind of secrecy.
It's like a cell phone.
And maybe that should also be written into the contract. I'm thinking about it.
That cell phones we do know as men and wife is common property.
I was I can look at my wife's cell for the temperature when I want to. And she can have my cell phone and she can look at it. Anytime that she wishes.
She made it. And you know what I bet you will never ask for it, you will never ask.
Because we will be pre primed not to do anything on our cell phone, which you shouldn't do,
or for anybody who's shooting.
Similarly, when it comes to money,
you must know I know my wife and it's fine.
And she will start us off. I know how much he looks after me. But we don't keep secrets, money.
And today now, we should add the cell phone. There's no such thing as this is my private business. You are You are intervening an entry into my private space managing all private spaces.
There's only happy Happy Places and happy spaces which you must create for a marriage to last. And it's not an easy task.
You gotta let the marriage have difficult times in terms of maybe a lack of income is difficult times maybe in terms of illness and difficult times.
And the Manage gets affected negatively but don't get the marriage getting affected negatively because of money.
Or because of secrets.
You don't sleep at night. So now allows mountain to guide us. Now last want to give us our last handler give us the Daya to do what is right.
I can preach to you until it comes out of my ears but you need to be proactive and do it for yourself.
If you're not married
You find somebody, this is what you need to talk about.
Of course not at the first meeting
but as soon as you possibly can, if you feel that it's a good partnership that you have
I must tell you that you know,
we must move with the with the times and times yeah mean winter, summer, spring, autumn holidays etc.
I find now that this time on a Sunday is not a good time to average not in summer. Could you probably coming from the beach now or you going somewhere it's a Sunday you want to relax so I'm going to look at another time during the week. Of course of course not. Coffee during the day can be it will probably be late afternoon.
Say at the same time now six o'clock.
We will have the controller
in order for you to have a free Sunday in order for me to have also free Sunday.
Well, Lada Allah wa salam Allah, Allah Allah Allah wa salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa Taala Bearcat.