Domestic Violence Amongst Families
Channel: Yassir Fazaga
File Size: 13.08MB
Khutbah @ IIOC
rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala
l mursaleen. Shafi shaffir in the vino heavy rock Bill alameen Mohammed Salah wakatobi was Allahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa even upon hearing in the hamdulillah Mohammed who want to study you want to stop you who want to study when
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The hula shriek Allah, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Abu rasuluh back in Austin howdy ticket avamar Ohio Howdy, howdy Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. We have a witness that no one is worthy of worship but Allah and we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is indeed his final messenger.
The best of speech is the book of Allah.
And the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. May Allah Subhana Allah make us of those who read and understand the book of Allah. And may Allah make us of those who know and follow the path of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
or an alpaca Raja Wilma tabula Latif,
the way the expression that the Quran uses in illustrating the relationship between man and woman is a beautiful one.
It begins by Allah subhanaw taala, emphasizing that we all come from the same origin Kala hakomi nevsun. Why? that we all are created from the same substance. A man is not superior to a woman nor is a woman superior to a man on that basis.
Secondly, the expectations of Allah from both of us are the same.
A lot does not expect more from a man because he's a man and less than a woman because she's a woman. That is not the case. Five daily preys on everybody. First Ramadan, everybody gives up on everybody. Be good, everybody be good.
And then the reward is also the same. In the layout of the euro ama, army men coming back are in
no deed of yours shall go in vain. Be you a man or a woman. Allah was everybody equally.
A lot does not play the game of preference. that a man is better than a woman or a woman is better than a man. None of this is going on.
So Pamela Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sent at a time that men were viewed as inherently good.
And women were nothing.
And that is why I'm rojava used to say, Kunal,
alopecia is an employer to the coming of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. We considered women as being nothing. He said. However, after the revelation of the Quran, he said we were thinking that Allah prefers women over men,
because of the cave, because of the talks that were taking place, at that time, asserting the humanity and the equality and the sameness of men and women.
What is even more beautiful than this is how Allah talks about our mission in this life, men and women Islam says must have the same mission in life to another
when we knew that one minute Babu
he said the believing men, and believing women are the allies and protectors of one another, they enjoying that which is good, and together, they forbid that which is evil.
The same mission specifically points out that this is not the work of men only, but rather it is the work of both men and women, that their job is to establish justice, that their mission is to eradicate injustice and in this way
However, sometimes we lose vision of the teachings of Islam.
Instead of us being the protectors of one another, we become the abusers of one another.
And Subhan Allah Islam says that family is where people come in to find peace, second,
a level of peace and equality and tranquility, that you do not find anywhere else, but when you come to your family.
But now what happens is the family becomes the source of anxiety to you.
The family becomes the place where your life is disturbed. The family becomes not a place of justice, but the family becomes a place of great injustice. What happens at that point?
In the Hadith, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gives the example.
And Chevron the region. Men is the
worker fella head, he said, the worst type of men are those whom they walk into their families, those who are talking become quiet, and those who are playing become still and those who are visible, they become invisible. And then when that person leaves, everybody in the family is happy.
Everybody in the family is happy.
You have brothers and sisters who come in, say I hate my family. I hate my family. One sister was introducing herself to another system. She said, Where is your father and she said, my father, may Allah bless his soul, he passed few years back. And the sister looked at her and she said, I envy you, I wish my father would die.
Because this man is doing nothing but bringing trouble into our family.
When my father is around, it's like walking on eggshells, trying to break none. But we always managed to break many. Imagine you're walking on eggshells. So that's how we feel safe when he come in just there is so much anxiety in the family.
Do you know my brothers and my sisters, as parents, we control the temperature in your family. You control the temperature in your family, you come in, and your presence is either going to make people very happy and couldn't wait for dad or mom to come home. Or sometimes your presence would bring so much gloom and doom into that family where people do not look forward to you coming in. But they really look forward to you leaving, we will say the only time that we can breathe is when dad leaves the house. The only time that we can be is when mom leaves the house. Because we're not bringing that peace that Allah subhanaw taala spoke about the idea of Second, the idea of peace and
love. And specifically inshallah, in the few minutes that we have are going to be talking about domestic violence. And that is when family members are either being physically or verbally or emotionally or psychologically abusive of other members in the family. Because that happens sometimes that people do this, to the people that they love, they would beat them, they would put them down, they would leave them emotionally starved. You know, starvation is not only about the lack of food and water. Sometimes people are emotionally starving. Because nothing is nice said in that family. There isn't enough love going on between the family members. So people are left to be
emotionally starved. They don't get any love.
So brothers and sisters, Islam is very clear about this, what can be and what cannot be done. So that when the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam migrated to Medina, the women came to him and they said, Allah, the men are beating us. These men are beating us, your followers are beating us. What does the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam do? He takes an active role he takes an active attitude he comes to the people in the masjid and he tells them seminary to
Allah lays the article. He said it came to my attention that some men beat their wives. And I am here to tell you he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said those kind of men, they are not the best amongst you.
That they are not the best amongst you. Say that is not something that a man would do. Especially a man who listens to what Allah subhanaw taala says when he woke me No, no one minute
Over the roof, that the believing men and believing women are the protectors and the allies of one another day together they enjoying that with is just how can we enjoin that with is just in our own worlds, we do not bring that justice. think I've told you the story of the system. She said that my husband and I were watching TV. And we were looking at, you know, what's happening in Palestine, said that there was this sinus thug. And he took the bulk of his rifle and he was beating on the head of an old woman said my husband was so old that he started crying because of the ugliness of that scene. She said, I saw him and they started laughing. Why? Why would you laugh? He said the
same man that is crying right now. Last week, I was in the emergency room, because he broke my rib when he kicked me.
But now he sees that when somebody else is doing it, it's bringing teeth into his eyes. But that same person is the person that just broke her ribs last week.
So we look into the system, what is the problem?
some myths about domestic violence. Sometimes we think that this is so rare, it doesn't happen.
The United Nations has a study, where in it they say that over 40% of the women in the world are some sort of victims to domestic violence.
Across all nations, South America, Australia, Europe, the Middle East and North America all over the place. It happens and it is very common. So it is not rare. In fact, that is that that in the US every 25 seconds, a woman is being victimized. Either somebody is slapping her kicking or shoving, pushing or spitting on her face every 25 seconds. Somebody will say, Well, you know what? That but that's all capital stuff. Only the Catholics do this.
The Muslims don't do that. And that's another life.
That is another line. We give ourselves a sense of a false moral superiority. When we say only non Muslims, Muslims don't do that. No Muslims do it.
At any moment, animistic. And they will tell you that most phone calls come from sisters who've just been beaten by her by her husband. The other day, I had the sister She came to the message and she was bleeding. What happened? My husband did this to me.
The man beat her up. And then he tells her if you call 911, you'll be calling kaphas. But it's okay for him to beat her up.
And listen to this and you say what in the world is going on?
Why do people do that?
The other myth is, why doesn't she just leave? She was like it?
Why doesn't she just leave? They say that in the US the average is 18 to 25 years.
It takes a woman who isn't that I have a relationship 18 to 25 years to get out of that type of relationship. Because sometimes people do because of fear.
Sometimes people do because of family. We have sisters who come to the system, why don't you leave? He said my parents clearly told me Do not leave. If you leave him we are not taking you in you just suck it up. Don't come to us.
Or sometimes people say you know what? Our community is not very kind towards divorcees, a divorced woman in our community. People are not very kind to them. Nobody wants to be with them. People view them as secondhand people view them as you know, they're not really people who are so they see that we can't leave. Sometimes it may be financial dependency, I have nowhere else to go. So what do I do?
Or sometimes and this we hear a lot, I just lost my temper.
I hit that because I lost my temper. Say brother when you get a traffic ticket. Are you not angry?
anger? Do you lose your temper when you're in front of that police officer?
Well, you can certainly control your temper even if you do not believe or you believe that you do not deserve the ticket yet you still manage to control your anger. Well, why do you lose it? That is just allows the excuse for people to hit somebody else. And that is not very manly. A man hitting a woman it does not make any of us more of a man.
In the Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, learn how to come confine
your boo boo soldier to who
said one of you should not be like a beast.
He beats his wife during the day. Then he expects to sleep with her at night.
He said such a person is not a man is such a person is a beast. You have to be an animal to be doing something like this. And Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam said, a Muslim does not do any of that stuff.
A Muslim does not do it. A Muslim man does not do these things my brothers and sisters.
And more important is we as a Muslim community, like Muhammad Sallallahu, alayhi wasallam did was his people is that you come in and you see this social injustice. We're supposed to be speaking against it. We're supposed to come and say, Look, we are Muslims. We don't do this. In fact, we are going to lead into stopping violence in homes, against children and against husbands and against wives. We are here to stand up for people. But rather, we get so many calls from courts nowadays at Access California social service agency, the courts are calling left and right. said people are mandated to counseling Can we please bring them to you? husbands and fathers and mothers losing
their family members. Children being taken away because they've been beaten in their homes. culture does not excuse people say well back home, that's how we did it or back home is wrong.
Back home is wrong. It's as simple as this. This is how they do it back home. It does not bring any sanctity into it. It does not become it does not become holy. It's wrong. batwoman is wrong here. It's as simple as this.
So brothers and sisters, what we need to be doing is how can I bring more peace into my family?
me do my feel probably have you been? When Amina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Listen to these beautiful words of Mohammed Salah. He said people the best amongst you are those who are best to their wives. If you want to be a normal man, is it be good to your wife? If you want to be an honorable man and man have answered be good to your wife. What What does it take? then bringing that peace into our family very quickly. We call them the triple a
triple A the car towing company No. So another triple A
quickly. It is a matter of appreciation. affection and attention is what will bring peace into our families. appreciation, attention and affection. It was said that when Fatima would walk in Mohammed salallahu alayhi wa sallam would get up. He would kiss her forehead and he would make her sit next to him in public, our Prophet of Allah Whom do you love most? In one narration he said in one narration he said Fatima attention, affection and appreciation. People love to be praised. Our sisters love to be praised. Our brothers love to be praised. Your sons and your daughters they love this. And Subhanallah they say that when people are emotionally starved, they look for love
When your daughter and your son don't have enough love in the family, you know what happens? People want to be loved. So, what do they do? They look for love somewhere else. And the very first question that says anything that is remotely nice, remotely coined, they will capture them and they would captivate them.
In Elon nursing with Uber who fell eponymous dabble in Santa Santa said you do two people would happen. He said that you enslave their hearts. People willingly want to be around you. They will be motivated by you. They are encouraged by you to inshallah, let's bring peace into our families. Let us bring justice into our communities. And let us keep all the injustice and all this filth away from our community out of Berlin, Apolo Holyhead our stock through lolly welcome first off
wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Mustafa wylam. And
you know, aside from this thing being an Islamic and the Hadees we are told Mahabharata Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had a big haircut. He said the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never hit a person.
With his hand never.
He said he did not hit a servant. Nor did he hit a woman. That was not the behavior of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. But people were so moved by this, or semi to an unnecessary bonus to him, Allah should let God
hussaini that I've heard that people hit their wives with their hands, may Allah paralyzed my hand before my hand is extended, to hit my wife.
That is the kind of spirit that we want to bring in, that my goodness is going to be measured by how good I am to my family. Subhan Allah, Islam requires goodness, even a time of divorce. And you would think that divorce is the worst time to ask people to be good Islam specifically points to divorce as if it's at that time that you need to be good for himself when we move out the city
is that if you choose to hold on to this relationship, then do it with goodness, if you choose to let go of this relationship, then do it in an amicable civilized way. That does not give you the right or her the right to be rude or to be this and to be that it's not time for vengeance. It is an Islamic, but also it's very illegal. It's not only illegal, but it can have some serious ramifications. We have people who come in for counseling and their court mandated a brother, he was in jail for over 60 days. He hit his daughter, she goes to school, what happened she was crazy. My father hit me. Police of teachers at school are mandated by law to call. So they call the police and
they said look we have a child was being hit by the parent. The teachers don't have to know about domestic violence, all they have to do is suspected. And if a child comes and reports they are mandated by law to call, she made the phone call. The police went to where the father was they picked him up 63 days he is in jail. The first year he is not allowed to see his children or be around any other children. His wife, the mother, the police almost arrested her because she failed to protect the children as the father was beating them. As the Father was beating them up. The mother only had monitored visitation, she could only see her children, she could only see them three
hours a day. But the question is, where were the children?
What what are they? If the father is in jail, and the mother was told that she could not be around the children bought for three hours a day, when what are they and who was raising them at that point, they give them to relatives, who happened to be non Muslims at that point. So this is serious, my brothers and sisters. And then finally, and this is something to remember the impact that this has on your children.
One of the worst things that you can do is hit a mother or hit a father in the presence of their child. That is just wait. There is nothing manly or humane about this. Well, you're my father, but at the same time you're hitting my mom. I don't know, am I supposed to hate you? Or do I still have to love you. You confuse them so much. And you mess them up emotionally and psychologically to such a point that it makes it very difficult for these children to have any normal life from their own.
Please remember this. Children attention pay to what you do, not what you say.
Children attention paid to what you do, not what you say you can say all you want about being good and this but children will only do what they say you do.
That's what they do. Their children, they mimic, they copy, they imitate. So this is what is going to happen. So please my brothers and sisters, if Allah Subhana Allah blesses us firmly and May Allah subhanaw taala bless all your families.
If Allah bless you as a family, please take care of your family. And there is no better way of taking care of your family. like giving them lots and lots of love.
That is the most beautiful gift that we can extend to our wives to our husbands and to our children is just letting them know that they are loved. That is very important. And treat them in such a way where people will not read your presence, but they will miss it. They want to be around with you. They want you to be they want you to be with them. It's a gift from Allah Subhana
Let us appreciate the gifts from Allah subhanho wa Taala and hamdulillah we would say that in our community Hamdulillah, we see that the majority of people are good. And when we bring issues like this in friday, A brother can ask what a sister can ask, look, I don't beat my wife. Let be, I don't even raise my voice on my family. Why are you making me listen to something like this? Because that's what believers do. We come in, and we can constructively be critical of one another and say, brother, that is really wrong. If you are a brother who happens to be hitting his wife today, please, brother stop.
Well, I beg you please stop. In fact, go back to your family today and apologize and say, You know what, that behavior is not acceptable. If your children have seen it, apologize to them and say what father or mother was doing is wrong and it is not acceptable. Can we please open a new page today.
And then also, we want to tell our sisters or our brothers because some people are also abused, some men are abused in these relationships. If you happen to be that person, please call the police come to access California, please reach out to our community. And what we want to do is that we want to make our massage pet friendly, both to the abused and to the abusers. How so? Remember the hardness of the process and insert a haka Parliament lumen? Is it come to the aid of your brother, be the oppressed or be the oppressors. They said messenger of Allah, we understand how we come to the aid of somebody who's oppressed, but how do we come to the aid of somebody who is the oppressor? The
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, you make them stop. That is how you help them. You make them stop. So if you are that person, we are here in sha Allah to extend an invitation and say, Please stop for your own good for the good of your family. Please stop. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect all of our families you're not
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