Your Journey Towards Healing and Happiness

Yasmin Mogahed

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Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

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The speakers discuss the importance of understanding emotions and managing them in an Islamic way. They emphasize the need to focus on blessings and laughter, while acknowledging the danger of suffering and anxiety. The conversation also touches on the concept of " pest ap credits," which refers to a belief that one is always going to be strong and strong, and the importance of healing and processing in healing. The speakers also emphasize the need to manage emotions and avoid overwhelming emotions, and to strive for excellence within humanity.

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We have this mentality,

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I'm strong.

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I'm strong. I can handle it. That's absolutely

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wrong and it sets you up for a

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lot of stress,

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a lot of anxiety,

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and in the end you break

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because you're only human.

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When it comes to the question, are you

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okay?

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Why are there so many possible answers? Is

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it really as simple as yes or no?

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Well, emotions are a spectrum, and you're not

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always going to be either happy or sad,

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but that's life. A journey of understanding your

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heart and learning this art of managing your

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emotions in an Islamic way. And who better

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to ask than Usdaday Yasmin Mujahid, a world

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renowned international

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speaker, author, and graduate of psychology

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to unpack the emotions of anger, sadness, joy,

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and pain. We had a heart to heart

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conversation with her. So stay tuned and keep

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watching. Make sure to like and subscribe to

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get the latest updates of our content.

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How are you?

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I'm very well.

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How has Sydney been so far for you?

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I love it.

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It's one of my favorite places. I love

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visiting Australia, and,

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Sydney is a beautiful place. The people are

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beautiful. It's it's one of the highlights of

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my year.

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How do you find the community here in

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Sydney?

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Amazing. Honestly, I I I feel like,

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there's a there's just so much life here.

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So much happening in the, in the community,

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is always very welcoming, very warm. I,

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I, I feel like there's a lot of

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you know, when people ask me, like, where

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do you live?

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I feel like I have a lot of

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different homes in different parts of the world,

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and this is one of them.

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Thank you. It's it's wonderful to be here.

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I I see the content, and I really

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appreciate the work that you are doing as

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well.

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That is a compliment in and of itself.

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So I think let's start at the heart

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of the discussion today.

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We're in the heart of Sydney. You know,

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there's something really big about the heart and

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its presence in our life.

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But before we get too dramatic,

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we wanna play a quick game with you,

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and that game is called This or That.

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Okay. And it's basically a bunch of rapid

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fire questions.

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So our first question is going to be

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Mecca or Medina?

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That's hard. No. You gotta you gotta answer

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this super fast.

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Mecca.

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Mecca. What about idealist or realist?

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Idealist.

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Listening or talking?

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Talking.

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Poems or stories?

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Poems. Okay. Reading or writing? Writing.

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And what about extrovert or introvert?

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Extrovert.

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Okay. Sweet or savoury?

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Savoury.

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And for the final one, happiness or sadness?

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Happiness.

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I mean, it seems like the straightforward answer,

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and I agree.

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But today, we're gonna unpack that question even

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deeper because

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there is a bit of a perspective on

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these two extremes. Right? And and life is

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a perspective. It's all about perspective, how we

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see the world.

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And I mean, I think we would both

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agree, we would all agree on this panel

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that

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we are here in this life aiming to

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go to Jannah.

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But there is a bit of an opposition

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force, and that is Shaytan who seeks us

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to fail in this mission.

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Now one of the weapons of shaitan and

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something you mentioned in your new book Healing

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the Emptiness is that shaitan weaponizes

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despair against the believer.

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Can you tell us maybe what is despair?

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So,

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I'll say this. I'll begin by this, by

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saying this. All the questions you asked ironically,

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I'm almost literally down the middle. So, like,

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you guys picked

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every question you picked, I'm

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like literally in the middle. So

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very good, good questions. But,

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when it comes to despair, and it's interesting

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because you asked happiness or sadness, and I

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think,

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had you asked me that question 10 years

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ago, I wouldn't have answered the same.

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But,

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there is a difference between despair and sadness,

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just like there's a difference between pain and

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suffering.

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And what I would say about that is

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that sadness is a normal part of the

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human existence, and

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everyone experiences some level of sadness,

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if they are healthy, in fact. Because if

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we don't experience any sadness ever in our

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life, it would mean that we are actually

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suppressing or we've numbed,

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and it's actually not healthy.

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So some level of sadness is normal. It's

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something that prophets experienced.

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We know that the prophet Muhammad sallallahu

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alaihi wasallam experienced

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the year of sadness. We know that Yaqub

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Alaihi Wasallam who had beautiful patience

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experienced sadness, where he turns to Allah in

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that, with that.

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I complain of my pain and my sadness

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to Allah. So at some level, you know,

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sadness is very normal and it actually can

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be healthy,

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but despair is a little different. Mhmm. Despaired

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is when we no longer see,

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we we no longer see any light at

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the end of the tunnel, if you put

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it that way.

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I would I would sort of

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summarize

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the believer in sadness with the dua of

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Ayuba, alayhi salam,

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where, you know,

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after going through

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so many years of tests

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and trials,

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he turns to Allah and he says,

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And if we really unpack that dua, we

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we understand the difference between sadness and despair

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because he was sad. Obviously, he was in

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a lot of pain. You know, he had

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been tested with with all, like, loss of

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his wealth, his health, his family,

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and, you know, even his wife was was

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was on her way out, and it was

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just so much. And he calls out to

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Allah that

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difficulty has befallen me. So he's acknowledging his

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sadness at that point. But in the same

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moment, he's saying,

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and you are the most merciful of the

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merciful. So he is not in despair.

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He is sad, but he is not in

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despair. Meaning, he is saying that I'm in

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pain right now, but I still have hope

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in your mercy.

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And you are the most merciful of the

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merciful. So,

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the analogy I would give for that is

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that you when you step outside and it's

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dark, you can acknowledge the darkness, but you

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can have full certainty that the sun will

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rise again. And that's the difference between

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despair and sadness. SubhanAllah. And to think that

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the shaitan, he is trying to

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you know,

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causing grief to the believers.

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What damage can despair have to a believing

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person?

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Well, the damage is really has to do

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with the concept of Allah

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Allah because when you fall into despair,

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it's

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a sort of, despairing in Allah, you know?

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And that's

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where that's the difference between the sadness that

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the prophets experienced.

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They never fell into despair no matter what

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they experienced.

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You know, when you when you look at

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when you look at the dua that, you

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know, of Ayub, alayhi salaam,

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where he is in the depth of his

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trial.

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Like, it's the belly of the whale moment.

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Right? It's so dark at that point. But

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he still has hope in Allah. He says,

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so he knows he's dealing with the most

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merciful. So, he cannot he's how can he

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despair when he knows that he's dealing with

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the most merciful?

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So this was This is really where it

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can become very,

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dangerous

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is that if I despair in Allah Subhanahu

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Wa Ta'ala

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that I might acknowledge what I'm going through

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is very, very painful and very hard and

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and grief is a part of the human

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experience

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but that I never lose hope in Allah.

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I never think that Allah has left me.

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I never think that Allah hates me. You

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know, that is where it becomes very dangerous.

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You reflected on the duas of the prophet

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the prophet

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and all the other prophets who went through

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difficulty, and I'm just thinking and reflecting back

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on those duas. And all of them end

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in calling upon Allah

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with one of his beautiful names Yeah. With

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the name of Mercy, with the name of

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Rahma.

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And I think that's so beautiful because it

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it really puts into perspective

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how they thought of Allah and the power

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that they gave to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala

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and they kind of, I guess let things

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go and that gave ease to them. But

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I guess someone who's going through that process

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of despair, how

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how do they not necessarily get to that

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level, but how do they come to a

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realization that, hey, like, Allah

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is there and Allah

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is All Merciful. Right.

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So

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a few things. One is there's a principle,

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that I always try to remind myself and

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others is that whatever you focus on will

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grow.

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Okay? So, in any situation that we experience,

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there will always be things that we don't

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like, but there will also be things that

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we like. And Allah

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never only gives us hardship. Allah says,

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which means that indeed with the difficulty is

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ease.

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So what that means is no matter what

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level of test a person is experiencing,

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there will also be ease

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at the same time.

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Allah never ever only gives difficulty. He gives

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them both at the same time and the

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ease is even more. Okay? So what we

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have to do sometimes is shift our focus

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from the difficulty to the ease that is

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happening at the same time. And then, of

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course, we see this even in psychological research,

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the power of gratitude.

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Gratitude is about shifting the focus

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to the blessings.

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And when you do that, that's where abundance

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comes and that's where expansion comes. And and

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we have this principle in our deen because

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Allah says,

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So, if you are thankful,

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I'll increase you. This is a principle. So,

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it's one of the one of the aspects

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of when you especially when you're in in

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that belly of the whale. Right? When the

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things are really, really hard and it feels

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overwhelming

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is actually shifting the focus, and you know

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what's very interesting? Because even the

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ayah,

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if you go and you look at the

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context of the ayah,

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of when that was said,

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it was being said

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to Bani Israel.

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This was a people

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whose children were being killed,

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and they're being told about gratitude.

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It seems

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counterintuitive.

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How are you gonna talk to me about

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gratitude

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and even recognizing any blessing

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when I am going through so much trial.

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But that's actually when it's most powerful.

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So it's about shifting

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the focus. And then the other thing is,

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there's a lot of,

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there's so much power and

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and and empowerment that we can get from

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studying the stories of those who came before

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us. Allah tells us stories in the Quran

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not to entertain us or to be bedtime

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stories, but actually as inspiration for us. So

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when we look at what they've been through,

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what prophets have been through, what the people

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who are nearest to Allah went through, and

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we look at their stories. It empowers us

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when we go through our own trials.

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Yeah.

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And it really does help to reflect on

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those stories as I mean, a lot of

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us, you know, have memorized these stories of

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the prophets. But when it comes to our

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day to day life, we think, oh, I'm

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the only one going through this test.

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But let's talk about trauma for a second

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because I feel almost, and maybe you would

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agree, that it's kind of loosely used in

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this society.

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What's your perspective on that?

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So trauma

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as a general term,

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is basically a situation

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where you you are put in a situation

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that is beyond the capacity

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of your nervous system to deal with. Yeah.

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Okay?

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And and so that situation might differ for

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2 different people. Something that is, considered,

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some one situation could be this same situation

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for 2 people. But for one person,

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they they do not have the capacity to

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deal with it, and, therefore, it is traumatizing.

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Whereas another person who does have the capacity

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and let me add there

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that if a person experiences a situation and

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they have the support

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and the tools to deal with it, it

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does not become

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trauma or as traumatizing as it is for

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another person who doesn't have the support and

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doesn't have the tools to deal with it.

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So trauma is not a black and white

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thing. It's not this it's not like there's

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a you know it's not like this situation

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is trauma

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and this situation is not trauma.

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It has to do with the capacity

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and the tools and the support.

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And this is why support is also very

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important,

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including social support. Yeah. That that even, you

00:13:05--> 00:13:07

know, they've done studies and I talk about

00:13:07--> 00:13:08

in my in my book, the new book

00:13:08--> 00:13:09

Healing the Emptiness,

00:13:10--> 00:13:11

studies of women

00:13:12--> 00:13:13

who had, cancer,

00:13:14--> 00:13:16

specifically breast cancer, and they looked at,

00:13:17--> 00:13:18

you know, stressful

00:13:18--> 00:13:22

stressful situations along with social support

00:13:22--> 00:13:24

and it actually affected whether or not that

00:13:24--> 00:13:26

cancer turned out to be benign.

00:13:27--> 00:13:30

So, it's social support is actually very important.

00:13:30--> 00:13:32

So, when we talk about what is trauma,

00:13:32--> 00:13:34

it really has to do with

00:13:34--> 00:13:35

what capacity

00:13:36--> 00:13:37

and what tools do I have

00:13:37--> 00:13:40

to process what is happening. And if I

00:13:40--> 00:13:42

don't have those tools and I don't have

00:13:42--> 00:13:45

that support, then it can become a trauma

00:13:45--> 00:13:47

for me, for for my nervous system.

00:13:47--> 00:13:49

And then and then once that happens, then

00:13:49--> 00:13:50

we need to talk about

00:13:51--> 00:13:52

processing and healing.

00:13:53--> 00:13:55

Yeah. It's so deep, SubhanAllah. And I was

00:13:55--> 00:13:59

actually reflecting on this, piece of Freudian psychology

00:13:59--> 00:14:00

Mhmm. And feel free to correct me,

00:14:01--> 00:14:03

but that certain behaviors that we see in

00:14:03--> 00:14:06

people, they often blame their trauma for it.

00:14:06--> 00:14:08

Mhmm. How do you feel about that? Like,

00:14:08--> 00:14:10

can we often use these things as an

00:14:10--> 00:14:11

excuse almost?

00:14:12--> 00:14:14

Well, it depends. You know? And I think

00:14:15--> 00:14:16

so many of us are products of our

00:14:16--> 00:14:17

trauma. Yeah.

00:14:17--> 00:14:20

And and sometimes things have happened to us

00:14:20--> 00:14:22

in our life. We don't even realize that

00:14:22--> 00:14:23

it was traumatizing.

00:14:23--> 00:14:25

One other thing that a lot of times

00:14:25--> 00:14:27

we don't realize is that trauma can be

00:14:27--> 00:14:29

something that happened to you.

00:14:29--> 00:14:32

Trauma can also be something that you needed

00:14:32--> 00:14:34

that you didn't get. Okay. So that's also

00:14:34--> 00:14:35

a trauma.

00:14:35--> 00:14:37

It can be a trauma if somebody hits

00:14:37--> 00:14:39

you, but it can also be a trauma

00:14:39--> 00:14:42

if someone starves you. So presence or absence

00:14:42--> 00:14:44

of Correct. Correct. So what what a lot

00:14:44--> 00:14:46

of people don't realize is, like, oh, I

00:14:46--> 00:14:48

wasn't hit as a child, so I wasn't

00:14:48--> 00:14:51

traumatized. Yeah. But sometimes people were traumatized in

00:14:51--> 00:14:53

a different way where there was the they

00:14:53--> 00:14:54

were starved of certain,

00:14:55--> 00:14:57

human needs. Mhmm. That's powerful. You know, the

00:14:57--> 00:14:59

need to to to feel acceptance, the need

00:14:59--> 00:15:01

to feel validation, the need to feel loved,

00:15:01--> 00:15:04

the need for connection. These are also very

00:15:04--> 00:15:06

essential human needs. And so if someone is

00:15:06--> 00:15:08

starved of those things, that's also a a

00:15:08--> 00:15:09

type of trauma.

00:15:10--> 00:15:11

So this is,

00:15:11--> 00:15:13

it is a very, broad word, but a

00:15:13--> 00:15:15

lot of times we don't recognize

00:15:15--> 00:15:17

how we can become a product of trauma

00:15:17--> 00:15:18

that we don't even necessarily,

00:15:19--> 00:15:21

realize as trauma. We don't we don't label

00:15:21--> 00:15:23

it as such. I

00:15:24--> 00:15:26

mean, honestly, right now, I'm probably thinking and

00:15:26--> 00:15:28

a lot of the viewers might be thinking,

00:15:29--> 00:15:31

is patience the only solution to trauma?

00:15:32--> 00:15:33

Good question.

00:15:34--> 00:15:36

So one of the themes that I discuss

00:15:36--> 00:15:38

in my books and in my seminars a

00:15:38--> 00:15:40

lot is this,

00:15:40--> 00:15:41

broad misunderstanding

00:15:42--> 00:15:44

of the concept of sob, okay, patience.

00:15:45--> 00:15:47

A lot of times, in a nutshell, to

00:15:47--> 00:15:47

summarize,

00:15:48--> 00:15:51

we we have 2 general misconceptions about Sabr,

00:15:51--> 00:15:53

and I talk about this in Healing the

00:15:53--> 00:15:53

Emptiness

00:15:54--> 00:15:54

as becoming

00:15:55--> 00:15:58

barriers to healing. Okay? One of the the

00:15:58--> 00:15:59

broad misconceptions

00:15:59--> 00:16:02

about the meaning of is that means to

00:16:02--> 00:16:03

not feel emotion,

00:16:04--> 00:16:05

to suppress

00:16:05--> 00:16:06

emotion,

00:16:06--> 00:16:09

to not cry, you know, have and it

00:16:09--> 00:16:11

and it and it means usually it's said

00:16:11--> 00:16:14

either to a person who is grieving Mhmm.

00:16:14--> 00:16:17

And it means don't cry, it means don't

00:16:17--> 00:16:19

grieve, it means don't feel sadness, which is

00:16:19--> 00:16:21

all very false because we know prophets cried.

00:16:22--> 00:16:24

We know prophets grieved and they felt their

00:16:24--> 00:16:26

sadness. Okay. So, that's not the proper

00:16:27--> 00:16:28

meaning of,

00:16:28--> 00:16:30

you know, the most obvious example is,

00:16:31--> 00:16:32

the example of and

00:16:34--> 00:16:36

this was a prophet alaihis salam. He had

00:16:36--> 00:16:39

beautiful patience and he also cried until he

00:16:39--> 00:16:41

went blind. Yes. And he turned to Allah

00:16:41--> 00:16:43

in his sadness and his and his grief.

00:16:44--> 00:16:45

So we know that that is not correct,

00:16:45--> 00:16:47

but this is by and large one of

00:16:47--> 00:16:48

the misconceptions

00:16:48--> 00:16:50

about sub, which is not,

00:16:50--> 00:16:53

it's not innocuous. It's actually a very harmful,

00:16:54--> 00:16:54

you

00:16:55--> 00:16:57

know, a very harmful myth. It becomes a

00:16:57--> 00:16:59

barrier for a lot of people in their

00:16:59--> 00:17:00

own

00:17:00--> 00:17:02

process of grieving

00:17:02--> 00:17:03

and healing.

00:17:03--> 00:17:05

So, you actually cannot process

00:17:06--> 00:17:07

your grief

00:17:07--> 00:17:08

properly

00:17:08--> 00:17:11

unless you allow it to unless you actually

00:17:11--> 00:17:13

feel it and you get into it. And

00:17:13--> 00:17:16

and if you instead suppress it, it actually

00:17:16--> 00:17:17

gets stuck,

00:17:17--> 00:17:19

you know, and it and you get stuck

00:17:19--> 00:17:20

in that grief. And then it and it

00:17:20--> 00:17:23

and then it actually turns toxic. It turns

00:17:23--> 00:17:26

poisonous and usually turns into rage and anger,

00:17:26--> 00:17:28

which is, of course, completely,

00:17:28--> 00:17:31

you know, opposite of of sab. So, you're

00:17:31--> 00:17:33

actually thinking that I'm gonna have sab by

00:17:33--> 00:17:34

suppressing

00:17:34--> 00:17:36

but in fact you are sabotaging

00:17:37--> 00:17:39

the any opportunity to have sub because then

00:17:39--> 00:17:41

you end up getting angry and that grief

00:17:41--> 00:17:44

turns into anger and that anger sometimes gets

00:17:44--> 00:17:46

directed at Allah. Why did you do this

00:17:46--> 00:17:48

to me? How could you do this to

00:17:48--> 00:17:50

me? And you and these individuals who did

00:17:50--> 00:17:51

not properly grieve

00:17:52--> 00:17:54

end up becoming angry at God,

00:17:54--> 00:17:56

angry at Allah. And that's the exact

00:17:57--> 00:17:59

opposite of sub. Yeah. So

00:17:59--> 00:18:01

in the misconception

00:18:01--> 00:18:02

about sabr,

00:18:02--> 00:18:05

meaning don't grieve, don't cry, we are actually

00:18:05--> 00:18:08

blocking the opportunity to have sabr. And that's

00:18:08--> 00:18:10

very profound because the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:18:10--> 00:18:12

said this when he lost his son,

00:18:12--> 00:18:14

he says, the eyes shed tears

00:18:15--> 00:18:17

and the heart feels grief, but the tongue

00:18:17--> 00:18:19

does not utter except what is pleasing to

00:18:19--> 00:18:21

Allah. He is defining for us, and he's

00:18:21--> 00:18:23

also giving us a roadmap to and it

00:18:23--> 00:18:24

involves grief. It involves

00:18:25--> 00:18:26

the eyes shedding tears

00:18:27--> 00:18:29

and the heart feeling sadness and grief. So

00:18:29--> 00:18:31

it's very profound that this is something that

00:18:31--> 00:18:33

we have in our culture, but it is

00:18:33--> 00:18:37

not Islam. This idea of meaning suppress,

00:18:37--> 00:18:38

shut down,

00:18:38--> 00:18:39

don't cry.

00:18:39--> 00:18:42

But the second misconception about is to be

00:18:42--> 00:18:43

passive about

00:18:44--> 00:18:44

miss,

00:18:45--> 00:18:45

mistreatment,

00:18:46--> 00:18:47

abuse, oppression,

00:18:47--> 00:18:49

and that is also false. Yeah. This is

00:18:49--> 00:18:51

also goes against our deen and and the

00:18:51--> 00:18:52

words of the prophet

00:18:53--> 00:18:55

who said, if you see something wrong, try

00:18:55--> 00:18:57

to change it with your hand. Yep. And

00:18:57--> 00:18:58

if you cannot, then try to change it

00:18:58--> 00:19:00

with your tongue. And if you cannot hating

00:19:00--> 00:19:02

it in your heart, this is the weakest

00:19:02--> 00:19:05

of faith. So, again, this is a toxic

00:19:06--> 00:19:09

misunderstanding of sub, which is, you know, turn

00:19:09--> 00:19:11

the other cheek. If you're being mistreated, just

00:19:11--> 00:19:12

swallow it.

00:19:12--> 00:19:14

Drink the poison, keep a smile on your

00:19:14--> 00:19:14

face.

00:19:15--> 00:19:16

Absolutely

00:19:16--> 00:19:16

not

00:19:17--> 00:19:18

what sabr is.

00:19:18--> 00:19:21

So, you know, I think we really need

00:19:21--> 00:19:21

to unlearn

00:19:22--> 00:19:24

as we're learning, but also unlearn a lot

00:19:24--> 00:19:26

of the concepts that we have that are

00:19:26--> 00:19:26

false,

00:19:27--> 00:19:29

when it comes to what is because it's

00:19:29--> 00:19:30

actually keeping us,

00:19:31--> 00:19:32

stuck in our own suffering.

00:19:33--> 00:19:35

Yeah. I think what I just took from

00:19:35--> 00:19:36

what you said was

00:19:36--> 00:19:37

is

00:19:37--> 00:19:40

involves processing emotion and communication.

00:19:40--> 00:19:43

Like, you're not supposed to be closing yourself

00:19:43--> 00:19:45

off in any scenario where you are going

00:19:45--> 00:19:47

through grief or you are going through difficulty,

00:19:47--> 00:19:49

but Sabra should be

00:19:49--> 00:19:52

the avenue to allow you to process that

00:19:52--> 00:19:55

emotion. Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's again, the process

00:19:55--> 00:19:57

of of of having

00:19:57--> 00:19:58

involves

00:19:58--> 00:19:59

feeling the emotion

00:20:00--> 00:20:03

without complaining against Allah. And this is really

00:20:03--> 00:20:05

what we see in prophets, peace be upon

00:20:05--> 00:20:07

them, all. They They experienced

00:20:08--> 00:20:09

sadness. They experienced grief,

00:20:10--> 00:20:12

but they never complained against Allah.

00:20:12--> 00:20:14

Even when you look at the hardest time

00:20:14--> 00:20:15

in the prophet

00:20:16--> 00:20:19

life was at at Taif. Right? And you

00:20:19--> 00:20:21

look and you study the dua of Taif.

00:20:21--> 00:20:23

This is something I I actually I looked

00:20:23--> 00:20:25

at this dua and I was like how

00:20:25--> 00:20:26

much we can learn from this dua?

00:20:27--> 00:20:28

And if you look at what he does

00:20:29--> 00:20:31

in Ta'if, and he, by the way, later

00:20:31--> 00:20:32

on says this was the hardest. When he

00:20:32--> 00:20:34

was asked by Aisha,

00:20:35--> 00:20:36

he's, he, he said this was the hardest

00:20:36--> 00:20:38

time in his life. So when you look

00:20:38--> 00:20:40

at what did they do at the hardest

00:20:40--> 00:20:42

time in their life, that's our example. Right?

00:20:43--> 00:20:44

And how does he call out to Allah?

00:20:44--> 00:20:45

He begins

00:20:46--> 00:20:47

by complaining

00:20:47--> 00:20:49

to Allah, not about Allah.

00:20:49--> 00:20:52

He says, yeah, like he he's complaining. He

00:20:52--> 00:20:52

says

00:20:53--> 00:20:55

and it's the same word that's used by

00:20:55--> 00:20:56

Yaqub alayhi salam.

00:20:57--> 00:20:58

Oh, yeah.

00:21:00--> 00:21:02

And the dua of Ta'afs, same thing. He

00:21:02--> 00:21:03

says,

00:21:03--> 00:21:05

which means I complain.

00:21:05--> 00:21:08

But they're not complaining about God. They're complaining

00:21:08--> 00:21:10

about their own inability to do it on

00:21:10--> 00:21:13

their own, their own incapacity, their own weakness.

00:21:13--> 00:21:15

And that's completely different.

00:21:15--> 00:21:18

So we get confused, and we think like

00:21:19--> 00:21:20

we think like sabr means I have to

00:21:20--> 00:21:23

depend on myself. Yeah. I gotta be tough.

00:21:23--> 00:21:25

I gotta be strong. I got this. That's

00:21:25--> 00:21:28

not gonna work, And that's not what Sabra

00:21:28--> 00:21:30

means. And that's not what prophets did. They

00:21:30--> 00:21:32

never ever depended on themself.

00:21:32--> 00:21:34

They always turned to Allah

00:21:34--> 00:21:35

and asked Allah for help

00:21:36--> 00:21:38

and recognized their own

00:21:39--> 00:21:41

inability to do it on their own. Like,

00:21:41--> 00:21:42

if anyone's gonna do it on their own,

00:21:42--> 00:21:44

it's gonna be prophets. Right? But look at

00:21:44--> 00:21:46

the dua of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.

00:21:46--> 00:21:47

He says

00:21:49--> 00:21:51

He says, do not leave me to myself

00:21:51--> 00:21:52

for the blink of an eye.

00:21:53--> 00:21:54

Like if anyone could be left to themselves,

00:21:54--> 00:21:56

it would be him. Right? But he's he's

00:21:56--> 00:21:58

saying, don't leave me to myself. So this

00:21:58--> 00:22:00

is another concept that we you know, when

00:22:00--> 00:22:02

someone's trying to be really really good and

00:22:02--> 00:22:05

really righteous and really religious, and then they're

00:22:05--> 00:22:07

being tested and they're like, I have to

00:22:07--> 00:22:07

be patient.

00:22:08--> 00:22:09

And I have to be patient means

00:22:10--> 00:22:12

I have to suppress my pain. I have

00:22:12--> 00:22:14

to suppress my tears, and I have to

00:22:14--> 00:22:15

depend on myself.

00:22:15--> 00:22:18

Mhmm. All wrong answers. All wrong answers. No.

00:22:18--> 00:22:20

You have to turn to Allah, and the

00:22:20--> 00:22:21

more you turn to Allah, the more he

00:22:21--> 00:22:22

strengthens you.

00:22:24--> 00:22:26

Take a moment to just think about that.

00:22:26--> 00:22:27

Like,

00:22:27--> 00:22:28

I guess

00:22:28--> 00:22:29

I'm thinking

00:22:30--> 00:22:33

dependence on Allah, but also strength in yourself.

00:22:34--> 00:22:35

How does that balance?

00:22:35--> 00:22:37

Like, how do you say, hey, I'm strong

00:22:37--> 00:22:38

in myself,

00:22:38--> 00:22:40

but then I'm also depending on a lot

00:22:40--> 00:22:42

of the sports. Again, like you mentioned earlier,

00:22:42--> 00:22:43

it seems a little bit counterintuitive.

00:22:44--> 00:22:46

You know what? It's very good that you

00:22:46--> 00:22:48

say that. You never say I'm strong in

00:22:48--> 00:22:48

myself.

00:22:48--> 00:22:51

You never say that. That's very dangerous.

00:22:51--> 00:22:54

You're never strong in yourself. You're only strong

00:22:54--> 00:22:54

by Allah.

00:22:55--> 00:22:56

No one is strong in themself, and if

00:22:56--> 00:22:58

they think they're strong in themself, they'll break.

00:22:59--> 00:23:01

Yeah. You're never strong in yourself. How can

00:23:01--> 00:23:03

you be strong in it? What's yourself? Yourself

00:23:03--> 00:23:04

is is nothing. It's weak

00:23:05--> 00:23:06

by by definition.

00:23:06--> 00:23:09

Allah created human beings weak. So if we

00:23:09--> 00:23:11

think that we're strong in ourselves, we've already

00:23:11--> 00:23:14

set ourselves up for failure. We never depend

00:23:14--> 00:23:16

on ourself and we never think the strength

00:23:16--> 00:23:18

comes from ourself. The strength only comes from

00:23:18--> 00:23:19

Allah.

00:23:21--> 00:23:23

What does that mean? We say these things,

00:23:23--> 00:23:24

but we don't realize what they mean.

00:23:27--> 00:23:29

Like literally means

00:23:29--> 00:23:31

nothing will ever change. There will be no

00:23:31--> 00:23:33

change in state and there will be no

00:23:33--> 00:23:34

power or strength

00:23:34--> 00:23:37

except by Allah. You know when you say

00:23:37--> 00:23:41

la, la is like definite. Absolute negation. Mhmm.

00:23:41--> 00:23:44

Means absolutely nothing. Like, you can't say, well,

00:23:44--> 00:23:46

there's a little strength in myself

00:23:46--> 00:23:49

and then some that comes from Allah. Right?

00:23:49--> 00:23:49

Meaning

00:23:52--> 00:23:53

Like you're saying again.

00:23:54--> 00:23:54

You know?

00:23:55--> 00:23:56

There is no change in state.

00:23:58--> 00:24:00

You repeat. It's like, you know, it's very

00:24:00--> 00:24:03

specific and it's an emphasis on another la

00:24:04--> 00:24:04

before kua.

00:24:05--> 00:24:07

Yeah. And there is no

00:24:07--> 00:24:07

strength.

00:24:09--> 00:24:11

Mhmm. Illah and then Illah is the exception.

00:24:11--> 00:24:13

Like, if you look at dramatically the statement,

00:24:14--> 00:24:15

it's like negation,

00:24:15--> 00:24:16

negation again,

00:24:17--> 00:24:18

and then exception.

00:24:18--> 00:24:20

Break down the statement. You know this statement's

00:24:20--> 00:24:23

so powerful. This statement, the prophet

00:24:24--> 00:24:27

said, is one of the treasures of Jannah.

00:24:27--> 00:24:30

And it's also he also says that that

00:24:30--> 00:24:33

this statement is a cure for 99

00:24:33--> 00:24:34

ailments.

00:24:34--> 00:24:36

The least of them is stress.

00:24:37--> 00:24:39

You can understand why because you're always gonna

00:24:39--> 00:24:41

be stressed if you depend on yourself and

00:24:41--> 00:24:43

you're always gonna be stressed if you think

00:24:43--> 00:24:44

you are the source of the strength

00:24:45--> 00:24:47

and the power and the change. Look at

00:24:47--> 00:24:47

it. It's

00:24:48--> 00:24:50

no change. You know, we we think think

00:24:50--> 00:24:52

like I'm gonna make things happen. I'm gonna

00:24:52--> 00:24:54

fix it. I'm the savior. Right? We have

00:24:54--> 00:24:55

this mentality.

00:24:56--> 00:24:56

I'm strong.

00:24:57--> 00:25:00

I'm strong. I can handle it. That's absolutely

00:25:00--> 00:25:02

wrong. And it it sets you up for

00:25:02--> 00:25:03

a lot of stress,

00:25:04--> 00:25:05

a lot of anxiety,

00:25:05--> 00:25:07

and in the end, you break because you're

00:25:07--> 00:25:08

only human.

00:25:12--> 00:25:13

Just that statement. You study it. You get

00:25:13--> 00:25:15

the answer. Wow.

00:25:15--> 00:25:15

So

00:25:16--> 00:25:18

profound. That that's the yeah. Who knew?

00:25:19--> 00:25:21

I had a follow-up question.

00:25:21--> 00:25:22

If

00:25:22--> 00:25:24

we were talking so you talked about this

00:25:24--> 00:25:24

statement,

00:25:27--> 00:25:30

I guess and not being dependent on yourself,

00:25:30--> 00:25:32

like, you know, not saying that I'm strong,

00:25:32--> 00:25:33

for example.

00:25:33--> 00:25:34

Is that how

00:25:35--> 00:25:36

I don't know if I'm wrong in the

00:25:36--> 00:25:38

saying this, but is that how, I guess,

00:25:38--> 00:25:41

an Islamic perspective on psychology differs from

00:25:41--> 00:25:44

secular practice of psychology? Absolutely. Yes. Actually, you

00:25:44--> 00:25:46

hit the nail on the head.

00:25:46--> 00:25:48

And that is actually one of the most,

00:25:49--> 00:25:50

I think problematic

00:25:50--> 00:25:52

parts of the whole self help,

00:25:53--> 00:25:56

industry is it's all about you got this.

00:25:56--> 00:25:57

Yeah. And that's actually

00:25:58--> 00:25:58

wrong.

00:25:58--> 00:26:00

And it puts so much stress on the

00:26:00--> 00:26:01

human being,

00:26:02--> 00:26:04

that it actually harms the human being more.

00:26:04--> 00:26:06

You know, I was listening to this, podcast

00:26:07--> 00:26:09

about the concept of whatever doesn't break you

00:26:09--> 00:26:12

makes you stronger. Mhmm. And there's, like, a

00:26:12--> 00:26:14

lot of this concept, right, put out there.

00:26:14--> 00:26:16

And it's in our deen, by the way.

00:26:16--> 00:26:19

Right? What Like like the idea that you

00:26:19--> 00:26:21

go through hardships and you come out stronger,

00:26:21--> 00:26:24

this is very, very Islamic concept. But this

00:26:24--> 00:26:27

podcast was talking about how this concept has

00:26:27--> 00:26:29

actually put so much pressure on people that

00:26:29--> 00:26:31

it makes them worse. Yeah. I was thinking

00:26:31--> 00:26:33

about that, and I was like, why does

00:26:33--> 00:26:35

that happen? And the answer is because they're

00:26:35--> 00:26:36

depending on themselves.

00:26:37--> 00:26:39

That's the reason. Because if I'm

00:26:39--> 00:26:40

traumatized,

00:26:40--> 00:26:42

if I have just come through,

00:26:43--> 00:26:45

like how can I, a person who can

00:26:45--> 00:26:47

barely get out of bed because of the

00:26:47--> 00:26:48

trauma that I've been through,

00:26:48--> 00:26:50

and now you're expecting me to come out

00:26:50--> 00:26:51

stronger,

00:26:51--> 00:26:53

Like, that's a lot of pressure?

00:26:53--> 00:26:55

Right? But you know what it is. It's

00:26:55--> 00:26:57

because I'm depending on me.

00:26:57--> 00:26:59

Like, I can't heal myself.

00:26:59--> 00:27:01

And if I put the pressure on myself

00:27:02--> 00:27:04

to heal myself and then not just

00:27:04--> 00:27:05

survive,

00:27:06--> 00:27:08

but then come out stronger To grow.

00:27:08--> 00:27:11

How can anyone hold that when you're already

00:27:11--> 00:27:11

broken

00:27:12--> 00:27:14

and then now someone is expecting you to

00:27:14--> 00:27:15

come out a superhero

00:27:15--> 00:27:17

and you can't even get out of bed?

00:27:17--> 00:27:19

That's too much pressure and I can understand

00:27:19--> 00:27:22

why that would end up making people worse.

00:27:22--> 00:27:24

But that's the key problem. The key problem

00:27:24--> 00:27:25

is who's healing you?

00:27:26--> 00:27:28

Who's making use? What's your source of strength?

00:27:28--> 00:27:30

Is it you? Is it you? Because if

00:27:30--> 00:27:33

it's you then that's not gonna work. No

00:27:33--> 00:27:33

way.

00:27:35--> 00:27:36

This is a bit of a funny tangent,

00:27:36--> 00:27:38

but I was thinking about the words impossible

00:27:38--> 00:27:41

Uh-huh. And I realized that it has I'm

00:27:41--> 00:27:44

possible. So everything impossible is possible Yeah. With

00:27:44--> 00:27:46

the help of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Exactly.

00:27:46--> 00:27:48

Exactly. Yeah. You know, I will say something.

00:27:48--> 00:27:50

There's another du'a that I feel is so

00:27:50--> 00:27:51

important for us to internalize,

00:27:52--> 00:27:53

and that

00:27:57--> 00:27:58

is

00:27:59--> 00:28:01

So I'll just translate this because it's a

00:28:01--> 00:28:05

very important concept. Oh, Allah. Nothing is easy

00:28:05--> 00:28:06

except what you make easy.

00:28:07--> 00:28:08

Okay? First first concept.

00:28:08--> 00:28:09

That ease

00:28:10--> 00:28:12

and hardship doesn't come from me and it

00:28:12--> 00:28:14

doesn't come from the external circumstance.

00:28:15--> 00:28:17

It's not actually about my my

00:28:17--> 00:28:21

my strength, my but it's actually about Allah's

00:28:21--> 00:28:23

help. And it's also not to do with

00:28:23--> 00:28:26

the circumstance itself. This is why you'll see

00:28:26--> 00:28:28

people who are in unbelievable

00:28:28--> 00:28:29

circumstances

00:28:29--> 00:28:31

that we couldn't even, I mean, we're watching

00:28:31--> 00:28:33

it. We're watching it in Gaza, that you

00:28:33--> 00:28:35

can't even wrap your mind around and yet

00:28:35--> 00:28:37

they are given the patience to deal with

00:28:37--> 00:28:38

it.

00:28:38--> 00:28:40

And they can still say Alhamdulillah

00:28:41--> 00:28:43

and they can still say Allahu Akbar.

00:28:43--> 00:28:46

That is God given. That's not from oneself.

00:28:46--> 00:28:49

That can't be. You know? And I've seen

00:28:49--> 00:28:49

stories.

00:28:50--> 00:28:53

I've witnessed this in people where they go

00:28:53--> 00:28:56

through circumstances that we couldn't even think about

00:28:56--> 00:28:58

and yet they come out and they're able

00:28:58--> 00:28:59

to,

00:28:59--> 00:29:00

thrive.

00:29:01--> 00:29:03

At the same time or on the other

00:29:03--> 00:29:05

hand, you see people who break

00:29:05--> 00:29:06

under,

00:29:06--> 00:29:08

you know, something that you might not consider

00:29:08--> 00:29:10

is that big of a trial in comparison

00:29:10--> 00:29:12

to the other. And the and the reason

00:29:12--> 00:29:13

for that is

00:29:16--> 00:29:18

that actually things are never easy unless Allah

00:29:18--> 00:29:19

makes them easy.

00:29:22--> 00:29:24

And you can make what is difficult

00:29:25--> 00:29:26

feel easy, if you will.

00:29:27--> 00:29:29

That's the concept we have to have going

00:29:29--> 00:29:31

into life and going into our storms and

00:29:31--> 00:29:33

going into our hardships is that things are

00:29:33--> 00:29:35

not easy because I'm strong.

00:29:36--> 00:29:38

Things are not easy even because they're easy.

00:29:38--> 00:29:40

Mhmm. Things are easy if Allah makes them

00:29:40--> 00:29:42

easy, and it's it's all dependent on the

00:29:42--> 00:29:42

help of Allah.

00:29:44--> 00:29:46

I read that dua in the morning. Did

00:29:46--> 00:29:48

you? Yeah. Yeah. But it's it's a different

00:29:48--> 00:29:51

You you you gotta actually experience what the

00:29:51--> 00:29:53

dua means. And kind of you need to

00:29:53--> 00:29:55

think and we might make it like a

00:29:55--> 00:29:57

mundane routine kind of thing where you're reading

00:29:57--> 00:30:00

your morning adhaqat. Mhmm. You've included duas like

00:30:00--> 00:30:01

this one that you've just mentioned.

00:30:02--> 00:30:04

But to actually think about what it means

00:30:04--> 00:30:06

and how it actually applies to your life,

00:30:06--> 00:30:08

like, I don't think the count like, the

00:30:08--> 00:30:09

countless amount of times you've made this du'a

00:30:09--> 00:30:11

and Allah has made something easy for you

00:30:11--> 00:30:13

Yep. But you just haven't thought about it?

00:30:13--> 00:30:15

You just haven't, like, you haven't, you know,

00:30:15--> 00:30:17

reflected on it? You haven't thought about it?

00:30:18--> 00:30:19

You know, I'll tell you an interesting story,

00:30:19--> 00:30:19

a personal thing. I I met

00:30:25--> 00:30:27

individuals who had been imprisoned

00:30:27--> 00:30:27

wrongfully

00:30:28--> 00:30:32

for over a decade. Alright? Wrongfully imprisoned for

00:30:32--> 00:30:32

over a decade.

00:30:33--> 00:30:35

And I was so fascinated,

00:30:35--> 00:30:37

to find out their story. Like, how did

00:30:37--> 00:30:39

you survive this and how did you get

00:30:39--> 00:30:40

Like their mindset.

00:30:41--> 00:30:43

And one of the things that blew my

00:30:43--> 00:30:44

mind was that

00:30:47--> 00:30:49

the fact that they were carried through that

00:30:49--> 00:30:50

was only

00:30:51--> 00:30:52

by the will of Allah, only by the

00:30:52--> 00:30:53

help of Allah,

00:30:54--> 00:30:56

and that these people came out of this.

00:30:56--> 00:30:58

And one of them actually said to me

00:30:58--> 00:31:00

that if I had a choice, I wouldn't

00:31:00--> 00:31:01

even change it.

00:31:01--> 00:31:03

Now, to say something like that,

00:31:04--> 00:31:05

about a trial like that,

00:31:06--> 00:31:07

like 15 years,

00:31:08--> 00:31:11

and and and how does that happen? That's

00:31:11--> 00:31:13

a phenomenon. That's a that's a miracle.

00:31:14--> 00:31:16

And the answer is because Allah carried them

00:31:16--> 00:31:16

through.

00:31:17--> 00:31:19

That's it. That's the only thing that got

00:31:19--> 00:31:20

them through it. And then I also thought

00:31:20--> 00:31:21

this was funny, but,

00:31:22--> 00:31:25

he also mentioned that these these prisoners that

00:31:25--> 00:31:26

were wrongfully imprisoned,

00:31:27--> 00:31:29

and Allah gave them the ability to withstand

00:31:29--> 00:31:31

and the and everything.

00:31:31--> 00:31:33

But then when it came to,

00:31:33--> 00:31:35

there was this one incident, he was laughing

00:31:35--> 00:31:38

about it, is that there was a certain

00:31:38--> 00:31:39

type of cake

00:31:39--> 00:31:40

that this prisoner

00:31:41--> 00:31:43

wanted, and one time they gave him the

00:31:43--> 00:31:46

wrong flavor, and he was so angry. And

00:31:46--> 00:31:48

I was just thinking, like, subhanallah,

00:31:48--> 00:31:50

this is in and of itself a sign.

00:31:51--> 00:31:53

It's a little bit deep, but basically,

00:31:54--> 00:31:56

in the things that Allah carries you through,

00:31:56--> 00:31:58

right, like Allah's carrying you. You're not going

00:31:58--> 00:32:01

you're not withstanding by your own self. You

00:32:01--> 00:32:03

can handle like a tsunami.

00:32:03--> 00:32:05

But when it's yourself, like, this is an

00:32:05--> 00:32:07

FC thing. Like, this is an FCANY thing.

00:32:07--> 00:32:09

Like, I like raspberry. I don't want vanilla.

00:32:09--> 00:32:11

Don't get me vanilla. You better get me

00:32:11--> 00:32:13

my raspberry cake. And it literally is what

00:32:13--> 00:32:14

happened. And I was

00:32:15--> 00:32:17

just reflecting on that. But he said that

00:32:17--> 00:32:18

he said it was the end of the

00:32:19--> 00:32:21

world. This man who was withstanding

00:32:22--> 00:32:23

literally torture,

00:32:23--> 00:32:24

literally torture.

00:32:25--> 00:32:26

And they were tortured.

00:32:28--> 00:32:30

And, and, and this wrongful imprisonment. And he

00:32:30--> 00:32:32

was patient about that, but don't get his

00:32:32--> 00:32:35

flavor wrong on his cake. It was, I'm

00:32:35--> 00:32:35

so Panalized.

00:32:36--> 00:32:38

Yeah. He's like, give me the raspberry. Don't

00:32:38--> 00:32:40

don't mess with me with the vanilla.

00:32:40--> 00:32:42

And I just thought that was so profound.

00:32:43--> 00:32:43

Yeah.

00:32:44--> 00:32:46

I mean, there you go. When you're left

00:32:46--> 00:32:48

to yourself Yep. Yeah. Now this is what

00:32:48--> 00:32:49

we are. This is the level that we

00:32:49--> 00:32:52

can withstand. Mhmm. You know, like, but when

00:32:52--> 00:32:53

Allah carries you, you can withstand

00:32:54--> 00:32:55

unbelievable things. Same person.

00:32:57--> 00:32:59

We've talked about going through difficulty,

00:33:00--> 00:33:02

but what is, like, the the healing process?

00:33:03--> 00:33:04

Like, what should a

00:33:05--> 00:33:06

I know it's it's a really broad, like,

00:33:06--> 00:33:08

everyone has It's actually an entire book called

00:33:08--> 00:33:09

Healing the Emptiness.

00:33:11--> 00:33:12

Make sure to buy it. People

00:33:14--> 00:33:15

say that

00:33:15--> 00:33:17

time heals all.

00:33:18--> 00:33:20

Is that true? No.

00:33:20--> 00:33:22

No. It's not true. I'll tell you why

00:33:22--> 00:33:23

it's not true.

00:33:24--> 00:33:25

Imagine that,

00:33:25--> 00:33:27

someone gets a gunshot wound.

00:33:27--> 00:33:29

Right? And they say, you know what? I'm

00:33:29--> 00:33:31

gonna cover it up. Not gonna treat it.

00:33:31--> 00:33:33

I'm not gonna go to the doctor. I'm

00:33:33--> 00:33:34

just gonna cover it up, and time's gonna

00:33:34--> 00:33:36

heal it. Is time gonna heal it?

00:33:37--> 00:33:39

No. In fact, it's gonna get infected,

00:33:39--> 00:33:41

and it can actually kill you.

00:33:42--> 00:33:42

So

00:33:42--> 00:33:45

time only heals the wounds that you treat,

00:33:45--> 00:33:46

that you address.

00:33:46--> 00:33:48

If you're not addressing it, time is not

00:33:48--> 00:33:51

gonna heal it on its own if you

00:33:51--> 00:33:53

haven't addressed it. You have to address the

00:33:53--> 00:33:55

wound. You have to you have to heat

00:33:55--> 00:33:57

you have to you have to do what

00:33:57--> 00:33:57

is necessary

00:33:58--> 00:33:59

to allow the healing

00:34:00--> 00:34:02

over time. But if you don't and you

00:34:02--> 00:34:04

just cover it, which is what a lot

00:34:04--> 00:34:07

of us do with our emotional, psychological

00:34:07--> 00:34:08

wounds,

00:34:10--> 00:34:12

is that it doesn't you're not addressing the

00:34:12--> 00:34:14

actual wound and you're not giving it the

00:34:14--> 00:34:15

treatment that it requires.

00:34:16--> 00:34:18

Because after you give it the treatment that

00:34:18--> 00:34:20

it requires and you process it and you

00:34:20--> 00:34:22

you do what's necessary to clean it out,

00:34:22--> 00:34:24

you know, go to the doctor. And in

00:34:24--> 00:34:26

this case, if it's a psychological wound or

00:34:26--> 00:34:28

it's a trauma, this would maybe involve therapy.

00:34:28--> 00:34:31

Yep. It would involve the processing of it

00:34:31--> 00:34:33

in, you know, in whatever capacity is necessary.

00:34:34--> 00:34:36

And then you can say, give it time.

00:34:36--> 00:34:38

Yeah. Then you can say time will heal

00:34:38--> 00:34:40

it. But time does not heal all wounds

00:34:41--> 00:34:43

if the wound is not addressed and not

00:34:43--> 00:34:45

treated properly. Yeah.

00:34:46--> 00:34:48

And I I would just add that there

00:34:48--> 00:34:49

are a lot of people who are dealing

00:34:49--> 00:34:51

with old wounds,

00:34:51--> 00:34:53

that they were not that were not addressed

00:34:54--> 00:34:55

and were not, treated

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

as such and they're suffering because of it.

00:34:59--> 00:35:00

Because,

00:35:01--> 00:35:03

you can cover up a gunshot wound with

00:35:03--> 00:35:05

lots and lots of layers of Band Aids,

00:35:06--> 00:35:08

but the effect of that

00:35:09--> 00:35:11

infection will be seen all over the body.

00:35:11--> 00:35:11

Yeah.

00:35:12--> 00:35:13

You're gonna see it. You're gonna see it

00:35:13--> 00:35:15

as fever. You're gonna see it as inflammation.

00:35:15--> 00:35:17

You're gonna see it as swelling.

00:35:17--> 00:35:19

And similarly, when you have a psychological

00:35:20--> 00:35:23

or emotional wound from, for example, trauma,

00:35:23--> 00:35:26

again, trauma can be something that happened to

00:35:26--> 00:35:28

you or things that were neglected,

00:35:28--> 00:35:31

things that were, you were you were, you

00:35:31--> 00:35:32

know, you were,

00:35:33--> 00:35:35

not given that you needed. Right?

00:35:36--> 00:35:38

Then what can what will happen is that

00:35:38--> 00:35:39

later on in life,

00:35:39--> 00:35:42

you will see the symptoms of that even

00:35:42--> 00:35:43

if you covered it up.

00:35:44--> 00:35:46

You know, for example, you'll see those symptoms

00:35:46--> 00:35:47

sometimes in,

00:35:47--> 00:35:50

trust issues. Mhmm. You'll see those symptoms in

00:35:50--> 00:35:52

panic attacks. You'll see those symptoms as,

00:35:52--> 00:35:55

anxiety. You'll see those symptoms as depression.

00:35:55--> 00:35:57

Mhmm. That's actually the symptoms

00:35:58--> 00:36:00

of the old wound that wasn't addressed Yeah.

00:36:00--> 00:36:01

That wasn't treated.

00:36:02--> 00:36:03

And you wonder, like, why am I having

00:36:03--> 00:36:05

problems in my relationship?

00:36:05--> 00:36:08

That stuff's old. Yeah. But it affects you.

00:36:08--> 00:36:10

And and and even if you covered it

00:36:10--> 00:36:12

because you didn't address it and you didn't

00:36:12--> 00:36:15

treat it, it will affect you,

00:36:15--> 00:36:17

you know, later for the rest of your

00:36:17--> 00:36:20

life potentially until you address it and you

00:36:20--> 00:36:20

and you treat it.

00:36:21--> 00:36:23

What does healing look like in light of

00:36:23--> 00:36:24

the Quran and sunnah?

00:36:25--> 00:36:27

So one of the things that I do

00:36:27--> 00:36:29

in in my book in Healing the Emptiness

00:36:29--> 00:36:31

is I talk about healing from,

00:36:33--> 00:36:35

more than one perspective.

00:36:35--> 00:36:37

And the reason I do that is because

00:36:37--> 00:36:40

the human being is not only one thing.

00:36:40--> 00:36:43

Mhmm. So, Allah created us as spiritual beings.

00:36:43--> 00:36:46

He created our soul. He created our but

00:36:46--> 00:36:48

he also created our mind.

00:36:48--> 00:36:51

He also created our body and the physical

00:36:51--> 00:36:53

reality of our body and he also created

00:36:53--> 00:36:56

us as social beings and and and products

00:36:56--> 00:36:57

of our environment.

00:36:57--> 00:36:58

So, the way I break it down in

00:36:58--> 00:37:00

the book is I talk about the 4.

00:37:00--> 00:37:02

I talk about the biological

00:37:02--> 00:37:05

that essentially the biological needs to be healthy

00:37:05--> 00:37:07

for us to thrive.

00:37:07--> 00:37:09

Then I talk about the psychological that our

00:37:09--> 00:37:11

thinking needs to be healthy in order for

00:37:11--> 00:37:13

us to thrive. I talk about the environmental.

00:37:14--> 00:37:16

The environment needs to be healthy for us

00:37:16--> 00:37:18

to thrive. And this is one thing a

00:37:18--> 00:37:20

lot of people don't recognize, and especially with

00:37:20--> 00:37:22

the whole have subler sister

00:37:22--> 00:37:23

type of

00:37:24--> 00:37:24

narrative,

00:37:25--> 00:37:27

yeah, which is that a woman could be,

00:37:27--> 00:37:29

or a man, could be in a very

00:37:29--> 00:37:30

toxic environment,

00:37:30--> 00:37:34

even an abusive relationship, an abusive home, And

00:37:34--> 00:37:35

the answer that's given to her is have

00:37:35--> 00:37:37

sabr. Right? Go back,

00:37:38--> 00:37:39

keep drinking the poison.

00:37:40--> 00:37:42

She's her house is literally on fire,

00:37:43--> 00:37:45

and the and the advice that she's being

00:37:45--> 00:37:48

given is go back and, and stay in

00:37:48--> 00:37:50

that burning house, you and your children,

00:37:51--> 00:37:53

for the sake of your children. Mhmm. Right?

00:37:53--> 00:37:55

So let me repeat that. Stay in the

00:37:55--> 00:37:56

burning house

00:37:57--> 00:37:58

with your children

00:37:58--> 00:38:00

for the sake of your children, which makes

00:38:00--> 00:38:03

no sense. Right? If a house is on

00:38:03--> 00:38:03

fire,

00:38:04--> 00:38:05

well, the first thing you need to do

00:38:05--> 00:38:07

is try to stop the fire. Right? You

00:38:07--> 00:38:09

know, call the fire department, get, get a

00:38:09--> 00:38:12

fire extinguisher, get help maybe to, to stop

00:38:12--> 00:38:14

the fire. But if the fire is continuing,

00:38:15--> 00:38:17

how can we possibly tell someone to go

00:38:17--> 00:38:19

back into a burning house and then keep

00:38:19--> 00:38:21

their children in there? That is

00:38:22--> 00:38:23

That is injustice.

00:38:23--> 00:38:25

And that's one of the things that we're

00:38:25--> 00:38:26

seeing too much

00:38:26--> 00:38:29

is this abuse of the religion,

00:38:30--> 00:38:32

abuse of the concept of sabr and to

00:38:32--> 00:38:36

to oppress people and to harm children and

00:38:36--> 00:38:37

as well as as parents.

00:38:37--> 00:38:39

So this is really the idea that it's

00:38:39--> 00:38:40

like

00:38:40--> 00:38:43

if there is a a fire in the

00:38:43--> 00:38:45

house, yes, we try to first stop the

00:38:45--> 00:38:46

fire.

00:38:46--> 00:38:47

Try to intervene,

00:38:48--> 00:38:50

try to get the abuse to stop,

00:38:51--> 00:38:53

but if the abuse does not stop, we

00:38:53--> 00:38:57

cannot. It's gonna collapse. Cannot tell a family

00:38:57--> 00:38:59

to go back and live in a burning

00:38:59--> 00:39:02

house. You know, if the fire continues. Mhmm.

00:39:02--> 00:39:02

So

00:39:03--> 00:39:05

environment's very, very important in terms of we

00:39:05--> 00:39:06

can't tell someone

00:39:07--> 00:39:08

go back to the burning house, but just

00:39:08--> 00:39:10

read a lot of Quran inside of the

00:39:10--> 00:39:13

burning house and everything's gonna be fine.

00:39:13--> 00:39:14

Main fashion.

00:39:15--> 00:39:18

Main fashion. Main fashion. Right? It's not gonna

00:39:18--> 00:39:20

work out. Yeah. You you have to also

00:39:20--> 00:39:23

be in a healthy environment to thrive. Mhmm.

00:39:23--> 00:39:25

And then finally and most importantly, I talk

00:39:25--> 00:39:27

about the spiritual aspect. And this is the,

00:39:27--> 00:39:29

I would argue, the most important,

00:39:30--> 00:39:32

aspect of healing and the most important aspect

00:39:32--> 00:39:32

of well-being

00:39:33--> 00:39:36

overall. However, we can't discount the other aspects.

00:39:36--> 00:39:37

The biological,

00:39:37--> 00:39:38

the psychological,

00:39:38--> 00:39:40

you know, having healthy thinking. And this is

00:39:40--> 00:39:43

where therapy comes in as well. Mhmm. And

00:39:43--> 00:39:44

the and the the environmental

00:39:45--> 00:39:46

and the spiritual.

00:39:47--> 00:39:49

Subhanallah. We've talked so much about, you know,

00:39:49--> 00:39:51

healing, and I think it's time to reflect

00:39:51--> 00:39:52

on the positive.

00:39:52--> 00:39:54

You know, maybe from all the pain that

00:39:54--> 00:39:57

we see in society, we've actually seen that,

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

you know, great things have happened such as,

00:39:59--> 00:40:00

you know, less taboo around therapy.

00:40:01--> 00:40:03

You've got the increase in Islamic psychology

00:40:04--> 00:40:06

and I guess just better awareness of mental

00:40:06--> 00:40:09

health. So maybe good things do

00:40:09--> 00:40:12

come from from, you know, perceived bad things.

00:40:13--> 00:40:14

And maybe that's my question to you.

00:40:15--> 00:40:18

Do you think success is born from struggle?

00:40:20--> 00:40:22

Yes. I do. At some level. So the

00:40:23--> 00:40:24

I am all about analogies. It's funny. Yeah.

00:40:24--> 00:40:27

I I love it. So the analogy I

00:40:27--> 00:40:29

use, in in talking about this concept

00:40:30--> 00:40:32

is going to the gym. Right? So when

00:40:32--> 00:40:33

you go to the gym,

00:40:33--> 00:40:36

you're going there to become stronger. You're going

00:40:36--> 00:40:38

there to build your endurance.

00:40:38--> 00:40:39

You're going there to

00:40:39--> 00:40:40

build your resilience.

00:40:41--> 00:40:43

Okay? But that process

00:40:43--> 00:40:45

involves struggle.

00:40:46--> 00:40:48

Like you are not going to go to

00:40:48--> 00:40:50

the gym and sit on the couch and

00:40:50--> 00:40:53

eat potato chips, and then you've done your

00:40:53--> 00:40:54

work and you're going to come out stronger.

00:40:55--> 00:40:56

It doesn't work that way.

00:40:56--> 00:40:57

In fact, you go to the gym to

00:40:57--> 00:40:59

become quite uncomfortable

00:41:00--> 00:41:01

and to struggle

00:41:02--> 00:41:04

because no pain, no gain, as they say.

00:41:04--> 00:41:04

Right?

00:41:04--> 00:41:07

So the idea here is that, yes, there

00:41:07--> 00:41:09

is struggle involved in growth,

00:41:09--> 00:41:12

there is struggle involved in building resilience and

00:41:12--> 00:41:12

endurance,

00:41:13--> 00:41:15

and there is a level of pain

00:41:16--> 00:41:17

just like lifting and

00:41:19--> 00:41:22

resistance training involves some pain. In fact, you're

00:41:22--> 00:41:24

actually tearing your muscles

00:41:24--> 00:41:26

in order to build them back stronger and

00:41:26--> 00:41:29

bigger, right? Yep. So that is very true.

00:41:29--> 00:41:30

And even if you look at the physical

00:41:30--> 00:41:32

body, when a bone breaks,

00:41:33--> 00:41:36

it heals back stronger. Mhmm. That's the physical

00:41:36--> 00:41:36

reality.

00:41:37--> 00:41:40

You're where the break happened is stronger than

00:41:40--> 00:41:41

the rest of the bone.

00:41:42--> 00:41:43

This is how Allah designed

00:41:44--> 00:41:44

the human being.

00:41:45--> 00:41:47

However, however, and this is where,

00:41:48--> 00:41:50

we have to understand the difference between pain

00:41:50--> 00:41:51

and suffering.

00:41:52--> 00:41:55

Pain is something where, yes, we will experience

00:41:55--> 00:41:57

struggle in life and we will experience challenges

00:41:57--> 00:41:59

and that's part of healthy growth.

00:42:01--> 00:42:04

But what happens when you go to the

00:42:04--> 00:42:04

gym

00:42:05--> 00:42:05

and

00:42:06--> 00:42:07

you lift too heavy

00:42:08--> 00:42:11

or you're using a technique that's not safe

00:42:11--> 00:42:14

can actually break your back. You can actually

00:42:14--> 00:42:15

become paralyzed.

00:42:15--> 00:42:17

And so the key here is

00:42:18--> 00:42:19

that, yes, struggle

00:42:20--> 00:42:21

and pain and trials

00:42:22--> 00:42:24

is a natural and healthy part of life,

00:42:25--> 00:42:26

but Allah does not want us to suffer.

00:42:26--> 00:42:28

Allah is not trying to break our back.

00:42:28--> 00:42:30

Allah is not trying to paralyze us through

00:42:30--> 00:42:31

our trials.

00:42:32--> 00:42:33

And that's where really

00:42:35--> 00:42:37

the concept of healing the emptiness is about

00:42:37--> 00:42:37

understanding

00:42:39--> 00:42:40

why am I suffering

00:42:40--> 00:42:43

and the fact that I'm not my trials

00:42:43--> 00:42:46

were not meant to destroy me. My trials

00:42:46--> 00:42:47

were meant to strengthen me.

00:42:48--> 00:42:50

And so what happens when I feel that

00:42:50--> 00:42:53

I am being destroyed by my trials?

00:42:53--> 00:42:55

I am getting overwhelmed. I do feel that

00:42:55--> 00:42:56

I am paralyzed.

00:42:56--> 00:42:58

So then that's where we have to dig

00:42:58--> 00:43:00

deep and figure out what is it that

00:43:00--> 00:43:01

I need to change or what is it

00:43:01--> 00:43:03

that I need to heal because that wasn't

00:43:03--> 00:43:04

the intent.

00:43:05--> 00:43:08

The personal trainer at the gym Is not

00:43:08--> 00:43:10

trying to. Is not trying to paralyze you,

00:43:10--> 00:43:12

is not trying to break your back, and

00:43:12--> 00:43:14

Allah is high above any analogy, but he's

00:43:14--> 00:43:15

our trainer

00:43:15--> 00:43:16

and

00:43:16--> 00:43:18

he gives us things in the gym of

00:43:18--> 00:43:18

life,

00:43:19--> 00:43:19

right,

00:43:19--> 00:43:21

to strengthen us

00:43:21--> 00:43:23

and to build our endurance and to build

00:43:23--> 00:43:23

our resilience,

00:43:24--> 00:43:26

but not to paralyze us and not to

00:43:26--> 00:43:27

break our back.

00:43:27--> 00:43:30

And that's where we have to start to

00:43:30--> 00:43:32

really reflect on our own lives.

00:43:32--> 00:43:34

If we feel as though we are being

00:43:34--> 00:43:37

drowned by our trials or we feel as

00:43:37--> 00:43:38

though we are being overwhelmed.

00:43:41--> 00:43:43

Allah never puts a burden

00:43:43--> 00:43:44

or a responsibility

00:43:44--> 00:43:47

on anyone or an obligation on anyone beyond

00:43:47--> 00:43:48

what they can bear.

00:43:49--> 00:43:50

So this is where we have to really

00:43:50--> 00:43:52

reflect. If I feel that I cannot bear

00:43:52--> 00:43:54

it, it means there's something I need to

00:43:54--> 00:43:57

change. It means there's something either in my

00:43:57--> 00:43:58

bi in my biology,

00:43:59--> 00:44:00

in my psychology,

00:44:00--> 00:44:02

in my environment, or in my spirituality

00:44:03--> 00:44:04

that I need to change or that I

00:44:04--> 00:44:05

need to heal.

00:44:06--> 00:44:07

Is the absence of sadness

00:44:08--> 00:44:10

really what true happiness is?

00:44:10--> 00:44:11

Absolutely not.

00:44:12--> 00:44:14

Sometimes the absence of sadness is just numbness.

00:44:15--> 00:44:15

Mhmm.

00:44:16--> 00:44:18

And this is also one of the So

00:44:18--> 00:44:20

going back to the analogy of the house

00:44:20--> 00:44:22

on fire. Right? So the way that I

00:44:22--> 00:44:24

explain pain is like a smoke alarm.

00:44:25--> 00:44:28

So the smoke alarm's job is to wake

00:44:28--> 00:44:30

us up, to shake us up, to alert

00:44:30--> 00:44:32

us to what? A fire in the house.

00:44:32--> 00:44:33

Right?

00:44:33--> 00:44:35

But the sound of the smoke alarm is

00:44:35--> 00:44:38

quite obnoxious and it makes us uncomfortable. And

00:44:38--> 00:44:39

we would rather go back to sleep.

00:44:40--> 00:44:41

And so what a lot of people do,

00:44:41--> 00:44:43

and so the way I explain it is

00:44:43--> 00:44:44

our pain

00:44:44--> 00:44:45

is like a smoke alarm.

00:44:46--> 00:44:49

It's an alarm. Yeah. So depression is actually

00:44:49--> 00:44:49

an alarm.

00:44:50--> 00:44:52

Anxiety is an alarm.

00:44:53--> 00:44:56

Panic attacks is an alarm. Trust issues is

00:44:56--> 00:44:56

an alarm.

00:44:57--> 00:45:00

These things are actually telling us that there's

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

a fire somewhere in our life

00:45:02--> 00:45:04

and so we should figure out what it

00:45:04--> 00:45:05

is and address it.

00:45:06--> 00:45:08

But what happens is a lot of people

00:45:09--> 00:45:11

who likes the sound of a smoke alarm?

00:45:11--> 00:45:12

Right? It's not nice.

00:45:13--> 00:45:14

It's not comfortable.

00:45:14--> 00:45:16

Similarly, pain is not comfortable.

00:45:16--> 00:45:18

Pain, no one likes it. And so what

00:45:18--> 00:45:20

a lot of us do is that

00:45:21--> 00:45:23

we just take out the batteries from the

00:45:23--> 00:45:23

smoke alarm,

00:45:25--> 00:45:26

meaning, meaning

00:45:27--> 00:45:29

that I want to numb my pain.

00:45:29--> 00:45:31

I don't wanna feel it.

00:45:31--> 00:45:33

Okay. So I'm experiencing

00:45:33--> 00:45:36

anxiety, for example. Let me numb the anxiety.

00:45:36--> 00:45:37

Let me look for sedatives.

00:45:38--> 00:45:40

Sometimes people go to drugs for this reason.

00:45:40--> 00:45:43

Yeah. Right? Let me let me numb the

00:45:43--> 00:45:45

pain. I'm depressed. I'm anxious.

00:45:46--> 00:45:47

And so what people do is they go

00:45:47--> 00:45:49

to addictions for this reason.

00:45:49--> 00:45:52

People go to addictions to numb the pain,

00:45:53--> 00:45:55

to take out the batteries, but they're not

00:45:55--> 00:45:57

addressing the source of the fire.

00:45:58--> 00:46:00

And so the fact that someone is not

00:46:00--> 00:46:03

sad doesn't necessarily mean they're happy. It might

00:46:03--> 00:46:05

just be that they took out the batteries

00:46:05--> 00:46:06

and they're numb.

00:46:08--> 00:46:11

So what would you say is true happiness,

00:46:11--> 00:46:13

like, from an Islamic perspective?

00:46:14--> 00:46:14

Good question.

00:46:15--> 00:46:17

I think true happiness is

00:46:18--> 00:46:20

essentially, which is contentment.

00:46:21--> 00:46:23

In the Quran, we have this concept,

00:46:23--> 00:46:24

rida, rida.

00:46:25--> 00:46:26

So basically,

00:46:27--> 00:46:29

it doesn't mean that you're always going to

00:46:29--> 00:46:31

be thrilled. It doesn't mean that you're never

00:46:31--> 00:46:34

gonna experience pain. It doesn't mean that you're

00:46:34--> 00:46:37

never gonna experience sadness. In fact, Allah created

00:46:37--> 00:46:38

all these emotions for a purpose.

00:46:39--> 00:46:41

Even anger has a purpose. You know, even

00:46:41--> 00:46:43

people, I'll tell you something interesting.

00:46:44--> 00:46:46

They found that there is a link between

00:46:46--> 00:46:48

autoimmune disease and suppressing

00:46:49--> 00:46:50

healthy anger.

00:46:50--> 00:46:52

Interesting. Oh. Yeah.

00:46:52--> 00:46:56

Yeah. Deep, right? Yeah. Because even anger serves

00:46:56--> 00:46:57

a purpose.

00:46:57--> 00:46:59

Allah created everything with a purpose.

00:47:00--> 00:47:02

When we suppress it rather than listening to

00:47:02--> 00:47:04

the message that it's giving us, we get

00:47:04--> 00:47:07

sick. Yeah. We actually get sick. And so

00:47:07--> 00:47:10

in this case, even anger is an alarm.

00:47:10--> 00:47:11

It's telling you there's an injustice.

00:47:12--> 00:47:14

There's something that you need to work on.

00:47:15--> 00:47:16

There's something you need to address.

00:47:17--> 00:47:18

But if we just suppress it, again, take

00:47:18--> 00:47:19

out the batteries.

00:47:20--> 00:47:22

Right? But the house is still on fire.

00:47:22--> 00:47:25

And so when we just suppress healthy anger,

00:47:25--> 00:47:26

if you're being oppressed,

00:47:27--> 00:47:29

anger is quite naturally,

00:47:29--> 00:47:30

quite healthy actually.

00:47:31--> 00:47:33

If you see oppression, should we not be

00:47:33--> 00:47:35

angry about what's happening in Gaza? Yeah. You

00:47:35--> 00:47:37

know? But if but if if I'm just

00:47:37--> 00:47:39

suppressing that anger, I'm looking for a way

00:47:39--> 00:47:39

to,

00:47:40--> 00:47:41

to distract myself.

00:47:42--> 00:47:43

Then I'm actually

00:47:43--> 00:47:46

I'm not I'm not I'm not actually doing

00:47:47--> 00:47:48

what is intended.

00:47:48--> 00:47:50

You know, the anger is there to motivate

00:47:50--> 00:47:52

me to make a change.

00:47:53--> 00:47:55

But instead of making the change, I

00:47:55--> 00:47:56

suppress. So, in this case,

00:47:57--> 00:48:00

the alarm is saying, you know, address the

00:48:00--> 00:48:02

fire or get out of the house. Mhmm.

00:48:02--> 00:48:03

Okay?

00:48:03--> 00:48:05

But if instead I'm just taking out the

00:48:05--> 00:48:06

battery, so I'm suppressing the anger.

00:48:07--> 00:48:09

The anger was put in me to protect

00:48:09--> 00:48:10

me. It has it serves a purpose.

00:48:11--> 00:48:13

The problem is when we don't manage the

00:48:13--> 00:48:16

emotions and the emotions manage us. Right?

00:48:16--> 00:48:17

Take over.

00:48:17--> 00:48:19

So so again, every emotion

00:48:20--> 00:48:20

actually

00:48:21--> 00:48:23

serves a purpose and when it is when

00:48:24--> 00:48:26

you respond to the emotion in the right

00:48:26--> 00:48:28

way, then it's very healthy.

00:48:28--> 00:48:30

Okay? And as long as you don't allow

00:48:30--> 00:48:33

the emotion to take over. Yeah. Right? You

00:48:33--> 00:48:35

don't allow the anger to take over. You

00:48:35--> 00:48:37

don't allow the sadness to take over. You

00:48:37--> 00:48:38

don't allow

00:48:38--> 00:48:41

even even joy. I mean, everything has to

00:48:41--> 00:48:41

have,

00:48:43--> 00:48:45

you have to have control and and and

00:48:45--> 00:48:47

and you have to be able to manage

00:48:47--> 00:48:49

all your emotions, and that's actually

00:48:49--> 00:48:52

part of emotional intelligence. Yeah. That is what

00:48:52--> 00:48:55

emotional intelligence is. It's the ability to manage

00:48:55--> 00:48:55

your emotions,

00:48:56--> 00:48:58

not to suppress and not to allow them

00:48:58--> 00:49:00

to go wild. Yep. Right?

00:49:01--> 00:49:03

The example I give, the analogy I give

00:49:03--> 00:49:05

in the book is like when you're driving,

00:49:05--> 00:49:06

you have,

00:49:07--> 00:49:09

the accelerator and you have the brakes.

00:49:09--> 00:49:11

Okay? Mhmm. The accelerator

00:49:11--> 00:49:12

is the emotion.

00:49:13--> 00:49:16

It motivates you. Emotions are motivators. Yep. When

00:49:16--> 00:49:17

you feel anger, it's supposed to be a

00:49:17--> 00:49:19

motivator to do something,

00:49:20--> 00:49:21

to stop the fire or the injustice.

00:49:22--> 00:49:22

Right?

00:49:23--> 00:49:25

Now the breaks are the

00:49:26--> 00:49:27

which literally means,

00:49:28--> 00:49:30

something that ties, like

00:49:31--> 00:49:33

means tie it and and put your trust

00:49:33--> 00:49:36

in Allah. So the aqal is actually intended

00:49:36--> 00:49:39

to be the thing that manages the emotion

00:49:39--> 00:49:42

or manages the whim or or whatever the

00:49:42--> 00:49:44

emotional side is. But can you imagine a

00:49:44--> 00:49:47

person who only always presses the brakes? Yeah.

00:49:47--> 00:49:50

They're going nowhere. Meaning, suppression of all emotion.

00:49:50--> 00:49:52

Just feel nothing. Well, you don't go anywhere.

00:49:52--> 00:49:53

Yeah. You're right.

00:49:53--> 00:49:56

The car does not move. So there's no

00:49:56--> 00:49:57

actual forward motion.

00:49:57--> 00:50:00

That's not healthy. Mhmm. So this this suppression

00:50:00--> 00:50:01

of everything,

00:50:01--> 00:50:02

of all emotion,

00:50:03--> 00:50:05

is like a car that only uses the

00:50:05--> 00:50:07

brakes. Yeah. It doesn't move anywhere.

00:50:07--> 00:50:10

Similarly, imagine you have an accelerator with no

00:50:10--> 00:50:11

brakes. Yeah.

00:50:11--> 00:50:13

What's that gonna what's gonna happen? You just

00:50:13--> 00:50:14

have you just have a bunch of emotions.

00:50:14--> 00:50:17

Yeah. That's just out of control. And no

00:50:17--> 00:50:19

and no breaks and no management of the

00:50:19--> 00:50:21

emotion, well, you're gonna crash.

00:50:22--> 00:50:24

You just got forward motion with no

00:50:24--> 00:50:27

actual management of it, so that's also unhealthy.

00:50:27--> 00:50:28

Both are unhealthy.

00:50:29--> 00:50:31

Brakes with no accelerator, meaning

00:50:32--> 00:50:35

suppression of all emotion without actually allowing the

00:50:35--> 00:50:38

emotion to do what it's meant to do,

00:50:38--> 00:50:39

which is to motivate

00:50:40--> 00:50:42

for good but manage it with the bricks,

00:50:42--> 00:50:43

or you have

00:50:44--> 00:50:47

you just have emotion with, you know, no

00:50:47--> 00:50:48

no no

00:50:48--> 00:50:49

management, so that's also unhealthy.

00:50:50--> 00:50:51

I'm just reflecting on, like,

00:50:52--> 00:50:53

the the advice we get from the prophet

00:50:54--> 00:50:57

regarding the management of emotions. Mhmm. Like, you

00:50:57--> 00:50:59

know, we have the sunnah of what to

00:50:59--> 00:51:01

do when you get angry. Exactly. We have

00:51:01--> 00:51:02

the sunnah of how to react in a

00:51:02--> 00:51:05

moment of grief. Like, each of these emotions,

00:51:05--> 00:51:08

we have an example of how to respond

00:51:08--> 00:51:10

in a way that is good for us

00:51:10--> 00:51:13

and also accepting, like, accepting that emotion and

00:51:13--> 00:51:15

also showing gratitude to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,

00:51:15--> 00:51:17

but at the same time not suppressing it,

00:51:17--> 00:51:20

but just allowing it to process in its

00:51:20--> 00:51:21

natural way. Exactly.

00:51:21--> 00:51:23

And that's where I go back to that

00:51:23--> 00:51:25

beautiful statement where the prophet was

00:51:26--> 00:51:27

in so much

00:51:27--> 00:51:28

grief at the loss of his child,

00:51:29--> 00:51:30

but he says the eyes shed tears

00:51:31--> 00:51:32

and the heart feels grief.

00:51:33--> 00:51:34

So he is not suppressing,

00:51:35--> 00:51:36

He's not, you

00:51:37--> 00:51:39

know, just tying he's just putting it it's

00:51:39--> 00:51:40

not just breaks,

00:51:40--> 00:51:41

but he's expressing

00:51:42--> 00:51:44

within And then the last part, and the

00:51:44--> 00:51:46

tongue does not utter except what is pleasing

00:51:46--> 00:51:49

to Allah. That's the management of it. Yep.

00:51:49--> 00:51:51

Right? So it's it's that beautiful

00:51:51--> 00:51:54

combination of of accelerator and brakes. Mhmm. We

00:51:54--> 00:51:57

have the emotion put in us by Allah

00:51:57--> 00:51:58

for a reason, but he also gave us

00:51:58--> 00:51:59

the capacity

00:51:59--> 00:52:02

to have a, which is that which ties,

00:52:03--> 00:52:04

manages, controls

00:52:04--> 00:52:05

the emotion.

00:52:06--> 00:52:07

And that's what makes us different than animals.

00:52:07--> 00:52:09

Yeah. Animals don't have

00:52:09--> 00:52:11

They just have the emotion. You know? They

00:52:11--> 00:52:13

feel a desire. They obey it. And this

00:52:13--> 00:52:15

also comes back to why

00:52:15--> 00:52:17

the culture of

00:52:17--> 00:52:18

just

00:52:18--> 00:52:21

follow and worship your Hawa is so dangerous.

00:52:21--> 00:52:24

Mhmm. Yeah. This is this is also another,

00:52:24--> 00:52:26

this is the extreme that we're dealing with.

00:52:26--> 00:52:27

You know, I feel like, you know, it's

00:52:27--> 00:52:30

like extremes dealing, it's like extremes reacting to

00:52:30--> 00:52:32

extremes. Yeah. Right? We have on the one

00:52:32--> 00:52:34

hand a culture that we live in by

00:52:34--> 00:52:34

and large,

00:52:35--> 00:52:38

western culture in general, which tells you just

00:52:38--> 00:52:39

worship your hoha.

00:52:39--> 00:52:41

Worship your desires.

00:52:41--> 00:52:42

Worship your inclinations

00:52:43--> 00:52:44

and affiliations

00:52:44--> 00:52:46

and inclinations and identifications.

00:52:47--> 00:52:49

Right? That's your

00:52:49--> 00:52:53

your. Yeah. And there's no breaks. It's like

00:52:53--> 00:52:55

if today you feel this way, then that's

00:52:55--> 00:52:57

why. Today you think you're a cat, you're

00:52:57--> 00:52:58

a cat.

00:52:58--> 00:52:59

I identify

00:53:00--> 00:53:02

as whatever and that becomes reality. That's the

00:53:02--> 00:53:04

reality. Well, that's very dangerous.

00:53:05--> 00:53:07

That's very dangerous because we can't just let

00:53:07--> 00:53:10

the accelerator go without any management. Mhmm. We

00:53:10--> 00:53:12

have to have something managing it. You know?

00:53:12--> 00:53:15

So that's also obviously very, very dangerous.

00:53:15--> 00:53:17

But again, the other side, the other extreme

00:53:17--> 00:53:18

is also very unhealthy.

00:53:19--> 00:53:21

I think yeah. There are a few, like,

00:53:21--> 00:53:22

contradictions, I think, in the modern world in

00:53:22--> 00:53:25

terms of Yeah. I guess, how we as

00:53:25--> 00:53:26

Muslims look at

00:53:26--> 00:53:29

how to process emotions, how to Mhmm. Do

00:53:29--> 00:53:30

different things, how to go about our life,

00:53:30--> 00:53:32

and then, I guess, how the secular, the

00:53:32--> 00:53:34

Western world kind of Right. Just and you

00:53:34--> 00:53:36

got these two extremes. And I think a

00:53:36--> 00:53:37

lot of our,

00:53:38--> 00:53:39

in a lot of our cultures,

00:53:39--> 00:53:42

there's very much an emphasis on the suppression

00:53:42--> 00:53:43

of emotion.

00:53:43--> 00:53:44

I mean, I have seen it to the

00:53:44--> 00:53:47

extent of even suppressed positive emotion. I was

00:53:47--> 00:53:50

I was actually just, at Ramadan, and I

00:53:50--> 00:53:52

saw just just a small example. I saw

00:53:52--> 00:53:52

this little girl,

00:53:53--> 00:53:54

and she was, like, in a stroller, and

00:53:54--> 00:53:57

she was just laughing. She was so happy.

00:53:58--> 00:54:00

She was probably like 2 years old and

00:54:00--> 00:54:02

she was just laughing. And at least 3

00:54:02--> 00:54:04

different adults around her kept telling her to

00:54:04--> 00:54:05

be quiet. And And I was just thinking,

00:54:05--> 00:54:07

I mean, it's a small example, but why

00:54:07--> 00:54:09

are they telling her to be quiet?

00:54:09--> 00:54:11

Like, she's 2 years old and she's just

00:54:11--> 00:54:12

happy.

00:54:12--> 00:54:15

Honestly, I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand.

00:54:15--> 00:54:15

That's

00:54:16--> 00:54:18

strange. Okay, if you wanna say, oh, she's

00:54:18--> 00:54:19

disruptive in the Masjid, it wasn't even in

00:54:19--> 00:54:21

the Masjid. It wasn't even in the Masjid.

00:54:21--> 00:54:22

It was outside.

00:54:22--> 00:54:24

And the idea, and again, this is a

00:54:24--> 00:54:26

small example, but I do see this,

00:54:26--> 00:54:29

this idea, like don't look too happy on

00:54:29--> 00:54:29

your wedding.

00:54:30--> 00:54:32

This is a cultural thing. Like don't smile

00:54:32--> 00:54:33

too

00:54:33--> 00:54:34

much. Anyways,

00:54:34--> 00:54:36

the idea is it's like the suppression, and

00:54:36--> 00:54:38

I've heard this from other cultures as well

00:54:38--> 00:54:40

where one girl, she told me, one sister,

00:54:40--> 00:54:41

she told me,

00:54:41--> 00:54:43

that they have a saying in their culture

00:54:43--> 00:54:46

where if you smile too much, it means

00:54:46--> 00:54:47

that you're stupid or crazy or something like

00:54:47--> 00:54:48

that in their language,

00:54:49--> 00:54:52

that even positive emotion is suppressed.

00:54:52--> 00:54:54

So just be a robot.

00:54:56--> 00:54:57

And we've absorbed a lot of

00:54:58--> 00:54:58

that culture

00:54:59--> 00:55:01

where it's like emotion is bad.

00:55:01--> 00:55:04

Don't have too much of it. Don't express.

00:55:04--> 00:55:07

Don't express because that makes you, you know,

00:55:07--> 00:55:08

weak.

00:55:08--> 00:55:11

It makes you, you know, stupid. It makes

00:55:11--> 00:55:13

you, you know, it makes you look like

00:55:13--> 00:55:16

a fool that you're actually expressing emotion.

00:55:16--> 00:55:18

And I think that's just it's just very

00:55:18--> 00:55:19

toxic

00:55:19--> 00:55:21

and it is not from Islam. But, yes,

00:55:21--> 00:55:23

we have to manage the emotion. There's obviously

00:55:23--> 00:55:25

the other extreme, which is whatever I feel

00:55:25--> 00:55:27

I do. And that's the worship

00:55:28--> 00:55:30

of Hawa, which is also very unhealthy. So

00:55:30--> 00:55:32

So I think to answer your question,

00:55:32--> 00:55:33

full circle here,

00:55:34--> 00:55:36

that true contentment and happiness is to actually

00:55:37--> 00:55:38

embrace

00:55:38--> 00:55:40

all of the parts of being human

00:55:40--> 00:55:42

while at the same time

00:55:42--> 00:55:44

trying to do your best to,

00:55:45--> 00:55:46

of of.

00:55:47--> 00:55:47

You know what's?

00:55:48--> 00:55:49

Is basically,

00:55:49--> 00:55:51

it doesn't mean to be perfect,

00:55:52--> 00:55:53

but it's to strive for excellence

00:55:54--> 00:55:55

within our humanity.

00:55:56--> 00:55:58

Alright? So we're gonna make mistakes,

00:55:58--> 00:56:00

but to get back up and repent.

00:56:01--> 00:56:02

It we're gonna feel emotion

00:56:03--> 00:56:05

to to actually not suppress,

00:56:05--> 00:56:08

but also manage. So I think it's really

00:56:08--> 00:56:09

happiness is about

00:56:10--> 00:56:11

embracing your humanity

00:56:12--> 00:56:14

and depending on Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, not

00:56:15--> 00:56:17

hating yourself for being human. There's a lot

00:56:17--> 00:56:18

of hatred

00:56:19--> 00:56:21

for what makes us human. I don't wanna

00:56:21--> 00:56:22

be flawed.

00:56:22--> 00:56:24

I hate myself for being flawed. I beat

00:56:24--> 00:56:26

myself up when I make a mistake.

00:56:26--> 00:56:27

That's not

00:56:28--> 00:56:31

healthy because Allah made you human and Allah

00:56:31--> 00:56:33

made you fallible. You're gonna fall.

00:56:34--> 00:56:35

You're gonna make mistakes.

00:56:36--> 00:56:38

But to embrace the best of what it

00:56:38--> 00:56:39

means to be human, which is get back

00:56:39--> 00:56:43

up, go back to Allah, recalculate. It's like

00:56:43--> 00:56:44

I use the example of the GPS.

00:56:45--> 00:56:46

Whenever you make a wrong turn,

00:56:47--> 00:56:48

the GPS doesn't shame you and say, You

00:56:48--> 00:56:50

worthless driver. You

00:56:50--> 00:56:52

don't even know why you're trying to drive.

00:56:52--> 00:56:54

Just park up over there. Stop trying to

00:56:54--> 00:56:55

get to your destination. You've made about 10

00:56:55--> 00:56:57

wrong turns already.

00:56:57--> 00:56:59

The GPS never does. You can make a

00:56:59--> 00:57:01

1,000 wrong turns and it never judges you.

00:57:01--> 00:57:03

It'll always find a way back. Exactly. You

00:57:03--> 00:57:05

need to go. The GPS has only one

00:57:05--> 00:57:07

job, not to judge you. It's like non

00:57:07--> 00:57:09

judgment zone in there. Right? And and and

00:57:09--> 00:57:12

the GPS has only one job which is

00:57:12--> 00:57:13

to recalculate

00:57:13--> 00:57:15

every time you make a wrong turn.

00:57:16--> 00:57:17

And this is one thing I say to

00:57:17--> 00:57:19

parents and teachers, we need to be more

00:57:19--> 00:57:21

like the GPS. Mhmm. We need to stop

00:57:21--> 00:57:22

judging,

00:57:23--> 00:57:24

stop shaming,

00:57:24--> 00:57:27

and focus on rerouting

00:57:27--> 00:57:28

instead.

00:57:28--> 00:57:30

And that's what Islam is and that's what

00:57:30--> 00:57:32

Tawba is. Tawba means to return. So you

00:57:32--> 00:57:34

made a wrong turn. Here's how you turn

00:57:34--> 00:57:36

around. Here's how you make a U-turn.

00:57:36--> 00:57:37

Istighfar.

00:57:37--> 00:57:40

That's, that's it. We're not supposed to be

00:57:40--> 00:57:42

perfect, but we're just doing our best within

00:57:42--> 00:57:43

our humanity

00:57:44--> 00:57:45

to be the best that we can.

00:57:46--> 00:57:48

And that's what Hassan is. That's what Hassan

00:57:48--> 00:57:50

is. I guess coming back to

00:57:51--> 00:57:53

our rapid fire, happiness or sadness, it's it's

00:57:53--> 00:57:55

so deep. That's why I said all the

00:57:55--> 00:57:57

questions you ask, I'm like right in the

00:57:57--> 00:57:58

middle,

00:57:58--> 00:58:00

but I had to pick something.

00:58:00--> 00:58:03

But literally every single one, subhanAllah. SubhanAllah. Yeah.

00:58:03--> 00:58:05

Shows you're a balanced person. Well, I hope.

00:58:05--> 00:58:07

I mean, I think, well, I wasn't always.

00:58:08--> 00:58:10

I think I try, I've been through a

00:58:10--> 00:58:12

lot of different phases in my life and

00:58:12--> 00:58:14

I'm really I mean, obviously, we're I'm still

00:58:14--> 00:58:17

in that, you know, struggle. Mhmm. But I

00:58:17--> 00:58:18

think that

00:58:18--> 00:58:20

because I've gone through different extremes,

00:58:21--> 00:58:23

I definitely went through a long period of

00:58:23--> 00:58:25

sadness. You know, reclaim your heart came out

00:58:25--> 00:58:27

of a lot of sadness, a lot of

00:58:27--> 00:58:28

time of very

00:58:29--> 00:58:31

intense sadness, and then a lot of shame

00:58:31--> 00:58:34

associated with that sadness. And I think one

00:58:34--> 00:58:36

of the things that I try to do

00:58:36--> 00:58:38

for others is what was not done for

00:58:38--> 00:58:41

me, which was giving that healthy understanding of

00:58:42--> 00:58:43

you're not a bad Muslim just because you

00:58:44--> 00:58:46

feel sadness. It doesn't mean that you don't

00:58:46--> 00:58:47

have enough iman. It means you're a human

00:58:47--> 00:58:50

being. And that sadness is actually an alarm

00:58:50--> 00:58:53

telling you there's something that you need to

00:58:53--> 00:58:53

address.

00:58:54--> 00:58:54

And

00:58:54--> 00:58:56

so I think for me, I experienced a

00:58:56--> 00:58:57

lot of

00:58:58--> 00:58:58

shaming,

00:58:59--> 00:59:01

that was associated with my own sadness. You

00:59:07--> 00:59:08

know, a believer should never feel sad. That's

00:59:08--> 00:59:10

absolutely untrue. So what A believer should never

00:59:10--> 00:59:13

feel sad. That's absolutely untrue. So what do

00:59:13--> 00:59:15

we say about prophets? What do we say

00:59:15--> 00:59:16

about Yaqoo Balis?

00:59:18--> 00:59:19

What What do we say about the prophet

00:59:19--> 00:59:20

SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam?

00:59:21--> 00:59:23

You know? And I think there's that. That

00:59:23--> 00:59:25

is very dangerous. That shaming that goes along

00:59:25--> 00:59:28

with the mental health struggles and the sadness,

00:59:28--> 00:59:31

even just normal human sadness. You know, there's

00:59:31--> 00:59:32

so much shame,

00:59:32--> 00:59:34

and and, oh, you you know, if you

00:59:34--> 00:59:35

had more iman, you wouldn't feel sad. Well,

00:59:35--> 00:59:39

that's that that's not true. It Allah created

00:59:39--> 00:59:41

us human, and along with being human is

00:59:41--> 00:59:43

is emotion. But I think, again, and that's

00:59:43--> 00:59:46

why I really emphasize the difference between despair

00:59:46--> 00:59:47

and sadness.

00:59:47--> 00:59:50

And I will say that iman definitely gives

00:59:50--> 00:59:50

you the tools

00:59:51--> 00:59:52

to protect you from despair,

00:59:52--> 00:59:55

but not being human and feeling sadness. Mhmm.

00:59:55--> 00:59:58

It's completely natural. Yeah. So And healthy and

00:59:58--> 00:59:59

healthy, in fact.

01:00:00--> 01:00:02

They're not your enemy. Yeah. So emotions aren't

01:00:02--> 01:00:04

the enemy. Feelings are your friends. Feelings can

01:00:04--> 01:00:05

be your friends. Absolutely.

01:00:06--> 01:00:07

They serve a purpose, but you just can't

01:00:07--> 01:00:09

let them take over. Yep. That's what it

01:00:09--> 01:00:11

is. Same control. You have to be yeah.

01:00:11--> 01:00:14

The the the accelerator and the brakes. Accelerator

01:00:14--> 01:00:15

and the brakes. It's and you can't shut

01:00:15--> 01:00:18

one down. Yeah. Subhanallah, actually, it was reflecting

01:00:18--> 01:00:20

a bit too hard on the car analogy,

01:00:20--> 01:00:21

and I sat there and I thought,

01:00:22--> 01:00:24

emotion has the word motion in it. That's

01:00:25--> 01:00:26

true. There you go.

01:00:27--> 01:00:28

That's true. So inshallah, we'll leave it there.

01:00:28--> 01:00:31

JazakAllah Khair. Thank you so much for your

01:00:31--> 01:00:32

And until next time, assalamu alaykum.

01:00:31--> 01:00:32

And until next time, assalamu alaykum.