Serenity – No Matter What I Do I Cant Please People

Yasmin Mogahed


Channel: Yasmin Mogahed


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Assalamu alaikum This is Yasmin Mujahid and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio hamdulillah. We are live now. And we are talking today about a question that I think a lot of people end up asking and kind of dealing with. And this is the the issue of pleasing people that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to please people or sometimes when we try to please one person, or one group of people, we end up displeasing another. And no matter what we do, we can never really end up pleasing everybody. And this is sort of a frustration that I think a lot of people end up facing, at one point or another. So inshallah, today what we're going to do

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is we're going to discuss this issue, is this something that other people have, have dealt with in the past? Is this something that allows the panel data or his prophet have talked about? And then inshallah we want to open up the lines? or rather the chat box for your questions, and and your and your sharing and your reflections on this question? Is this something that you have faced in your life? And then how did you deal with it? We want to hear from you, inshallah, and, you know, share your stories and your questions live on the chat box. To begin with, I want to share a Hadith, which is one of my, one of my own personal favorite ahaadeeth, because of the very, very, you know,

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relevant, meaning in and, and very, very profound meaning in it. And it's a hadith that talks about focus, it talks about what is our ultimate preoccupation? And I think it relates to this question as well. And that, that Heidi, tells us that there are basically two different types of preoccupations our ultimate focuses him and him you know, as you know, that they the, the major focus you have in life or your major preoccupation. And in this Hadeeth, it's, it describes these two groups of people, one group of people are those who make their ham or their, their their greatest and most intense preoccupation. Their greatest ultimate focus is the life of this world. And there are

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certain consequences to that focus. And then the other group of people are those who make their greatest focus and ultimate preoccupation the next life. And there are also consequences for that focus. And and that preoccupation that the prophets I send them tells us now when he describes those people who make this life their their, their greatest preoccupation or their greatest focus, he says a number of things happen as a result.

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One of things that happen is that the matters of that person becomes scattered. Another consequence of making this life your ultimate concern is that the it's a very interesting way in which the prophesize lm describes it, he says that the Fokker the the poverty is put between his eyes between that person's eyes, and want to take a moment kind of reflect on that statement, because it really says a lot. When you life. primary concern happens as a result, one of the results of that is that poverty is put between your eyes. Now, if you think about for a moment, just having like a mental picture of what that would look like, to have something between your eyes, you can imagine that if

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something is always there, between your eyes, you would always see it and can't really escape it. This feeling of poverty is something that a person who makes this life, their primary concern always sees and always feels, you always feel poor. So what does that mean on kind of a relevant, practical level, you know, whenever you have that new car, eventually you still feel like you need the you know, the better model. You You know, you get the the the newest gadget, but then after a while, it's not really good enough and you want to upgrade, you always feel no matter how much you have that you don't have enough. When you make this life, your primary concern, you will always feel

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poor, you will always feel a sense of poverty. And it's actually interesting to notice that that's exactly what advertisers sell. And that's what people what advertisers, you know, that that's what they want us to feel is that we don't have enough that feeling of you know, whatever.

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You have, you can always upgrade it, you can always trade it in for something better. That's what sells products. That's what you know, that's what consumerism is about is the feeling of poverty. So poverty is between his eyes, he always feels like he doesn't have enough. And so we said, the poverty is between the eyes, and his matters become scattered. Now, this is where I want to talk a little bit about the issue of,

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you know, when we feel like no matter what we're doing, we can't please everybody, right? We can't, you know, we're doing we're trying so hard, but they're still not pleased with us. And this is actually interesting, because it's, in fact, a consequence of running after the pleasure of people is, you know, like this, Heidi is telling us that when you make this life, your primary concern, it actually becomes more scattered, the more that you work for dunya, for the sake of dunya and dunya. alone. Again, it doesn't mean that you can't do things in dunya, but this is talking about ultimate concern, and ultimate focus, when this life is your end, your ultimate focus and, and, and concern,

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actually, this the life of the dunya itself becomes scattered for you, things are just not working out. If If you know, if you have something working in one in one element of your life, another element is breaking is falling apart, you know, you just feel scattered, you feel internally and psychologically and mentally scattered. And your life externally also looks and feels scattered things just become, you know, nothing is, is as it should be, and everything is, is seems sort of broken. This is actually a consequence of making this life our primary concern, it's very interesting to note that when you run after dunya, it runs away from you. And the more you run after

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dunya, the more it runs away from you. And this is very important, because it works the same way with the pleasure of the people with the the approval of the people, the more you run after it, the more it runs away from you, the more you live your life, with the focus on pleasing people, or gaining the approval of people or gaining the love of people gaining the praise of people, the more you will lose it, the more you'll it will actually go away from you. And you know, it also, it relates to another Hadith where the prophets I send them were told that he says, should I tell you or in fact, he was asked, you know, what is something Tell me something? You know, sometimes we you

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know, in the Hadith, sometimes the prophets I send them is asking a question, you know, I know in order to teach his companion, sometimes he's just, you know, he tells them a statement. And sometimes they ask him a question. And we, we hear about this conversation. So he's asked, tell me something that will make a law love me and make the people love me. And, you know, ultimately, this is the golden question, because it's like, Who doesn't want that, right? That's what everybody wants. You want something that you know, you want to be loved by law, you also want to be loved by the people, but which are you running after, and that's where it's very interesting, because the

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prophets I send them in this hadith says, is ahead for dunya. So in order to have the love of Allah subhanaw taala, he says, have zuid in the dunya, Zoho is this concept of being able to not be ultimately attached to this life, being able to do without the things of the dunya, where you may have the things of the dunya in your hand, but they are not in your heart, your ultimate attachment is not to the things of the dunya. That's the hood. And you know, there's the, you know, the very profound statement about Zoho, in this life that Zoho is not that you do not own anything, but that nothing owns you. And, and you know, Subhana love this is this is the concept of Zoho, of really the

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internals of it. You may live in a castle, but still not be attached to it. And you may be living in a shack but completely attached to this life. So it isn't just about what you own, but what's owning you. And so here the prophesize lm is saying that, that if you want to love to love you then have Zoo hood in this life in the dunya. And then the second part is, is especially interesting, and I think a lot of times, we might not really get the deep meaning of the second part. And that is that he says, Have zo hood, in what is in the hands of the people and the people will love you. So here he's saying, you want to love to love you Don't be attached to this life. If you want the people to

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love you. Don't be attached to what is in their hands. Don't be attached to what is in the hands of the people and they will love you. Now this is a very very deep statement because there are many levels you can understand it in

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One of the levels is is is the obvious understanding, which is that, you know, don't covet what other people have. And they're going to like you No one's going to like a person who's always jealous, or who's always wanting what other people have, and isn't satisfied with what they have. So don't covet what is in the hands of the people, and the people will love you. And that is a very true meaning. But you know, there's, there's, there's something else too, that may be part of this meaning and that is that when you run after what the people can give you, meaning you're, you're basically running after the people to provide for you you're running after the people to fill you,

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you're running after the you need them, you need them, you're you're dependent on what is in their hands. And when you are like that in, in fact, it makes the people not love you. So more you are dependent on the creation, the more the creation runs away from you. And Subhanallah, it is the complete opposite with Allah subhanaw taala, the more needy we are of the creation, the more the creation runs away from us. But the more needy we are of Allah subhanaw taala, the moral law comes to us, we're told that if we take one step towards Allah subhanaw taala, he takes 10 towards us. And when a person comes towards a loss upon without a walking, a law comes towards them with speed

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running, this is the complete opposite of the creation of handle law. And there's a design in that, that when I am being needy of people, I am actually asking from the wrong source. I am I am I have lost my focus. And so Allah subhanaw taala has designed it as such that when I am, when I am putting the focus, I'm supposed to be putting on God, when I'm putting the need that I'm supposed to be giving to God to the people, instead, they actually run away from me, they actually are turned off by that. And it's amazing how you see that in your relationships, you see that in your friendships, and you especially see that with men, that that there is this concept that we as women have, you

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know, if someone feels distant from us, our knee jerk reaction, if somebody is pulling away from a woman, you know, if a man is pulling away, if the husband kind of needs space, the knee jerk reaction of any woman, typically women typically is to kind of crowd them to kind of run after them. Like, we sort of have this like alarm system that goes off inside and we freak out. Oh, no, like, you know, he's getting away, right? He's, he's pulling away, what if he's not gonna love me anymore? What if he's gonna leave me, we freak out. And so what we do is that, when we see that, that a man is pulling away, or that a man needs space, we, we freak out inside because of that kind of

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dependence that we have, and then attachment. And we actually then do we sort of chase the man or sort of crowd or, or actually try to run after him more. And now those who've tried this, what does that do? It has the opposite effect is now it makes the, the man in this case, pull away more because he feels crowded and smothered and perhaps controlled. And it's interesting, because what you know, even relationship books will tell you is that, you know, they say you know, when a man wants to go into his cave, or whatever they call it in men are from Mars, women are from Venus, or whatever it is, you know, when a man has needs his space, or he needs to be alone, or he needs to

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deal with stuff on his own. And he pulls away emotionally or physically, that that that the worst thing to do is to chase him into the cave right to chase after him. But the best thing to do, and you know, the book talks about men as rubber bands that they need to pull away in order to come back on their own. But the problem is, when you don't allow them to pull away and don't allow them that space, then it actually makes them want to pull away more and it doesn't, it actually will make it take longer for them to come back. But that the best response you know, again, even secular relationship experts say this that the best response is actually just to give them their space, not

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to crowd them. And Subhana Allah the prophet SAW that I send them is telling us that if you want the people to love you stop coveting what's in their hands stop, you know, be be have Zohar have to, you know be detached from what it is that they have to give you what is in their hands to provide for you to give you to fulfill you stop being attached to that and actually the people will love you more. No one likes it a needy nagging friend right you everybody's had that type of friend who's like always kind of like very upset if you don't call them a certain time or you know, oh, you know, you offended me in this this or that way and it's kind of like every day you did something wrong,

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that that type of neediness is something that turns people off.

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That neediness was intended to be directed towards Allah subhanaw taala. It was never intended to be directed towards the creation and when it is directed towards the creation, it actually makes the creation move in the other direction, because it is not something it's not according to the design, the divine design that Allah soprano Dinah has made. inshallah we will take a short break now. And then when we return, we will take your questions from the chat box on this question of what should you do when no matter how hard you try? You just can't please the people. Oh,

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Salam Alaikum. This is yes, min Mujahid and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. We are talking today about what happens when no matter how hard you try. You can't seem to please the people. And we have opened up the chat box for your questions, your reflections your experiences share with us. You know what? Any situations that you've been in, of that type? And you know, what, what happened? What did you learn? And how did you? You know, what did you learn from it? And how did you get out of it?

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So we have some questions in the chat box. One of them says from listener pleasing Allah subhanaw taala. But people get the impression that I'm pleasing them how to avoid disclosing inner intentions to others. So one gets Massenet's from from Allah, for all one does for his creation?

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Well, first of all, if the people think that you're doing it to please them, it doesn't really matter that what really matters is what is your actual intention. And, and again, there is nothing wrong with trying to make people happy in the sense of

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again, it has to do with what's your ultimate goal. So for example, I might try to make someone happy for the sake of Allah. And that's very different than trying to make someone happy for the sake of what I'm going to get from that person. And so basically, it's kind of like we're doing work, right? But where are we expecting the pay to come from, when we expect the pay is going to come from the hands of the people again, now is that back to that attachment to what's in the hands of the people, when we when we're working, and we're expecting the pain to come from the hands of the people, that's when we are going to get let down because the the hands of the people have no pay

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in it. There's no pay that can really come from the people they can't, you know, we can really get the reward from them ultimately. And so the idea is that we we work for the creation, and we serve the creation, and we help and we try to make, you know, ease their burdens and make them happy, but, but ultimately, where are we expecting the pay to come from, if we expect the pay to come from Allah subhanaw taala, then we'll get our pay, and our pay will never be short as Allah subhanaw taala says many times, in the end that he never you know, he will not do any amount of injustice towards there's no injustice that Allah subhanaw taala ever does towards his a bad and that everyone will

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get exactly what they deserve in terms of pay either for you know, good or bad. But, in fact, Allah subhanaw taala because of his mercy, or supersedes His wrath, he even gives us much, much more than we deserve, but never ever gives us less never, ever gives us less. That's the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala you'll never give us a dime, less than what we deserve, but gives us infinitely more. As we know for example, law gives us gender, and it isn't something that we paid for, in full with our deeds. We know from the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam that even him even the greatest of creation, which is Mohammed Salah live send them cannot enter agenda just by his

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deeds, if it were not for the mercy of Allah Subhana Ghana, so we are all you know, we're all at the mercy of Allah Subhana Allah and His generosity. So I would say that it doesn't matter if the people think you know, it doesn't matter what the people think you're doing it for what really matters is what what is what are you what is your actual intention? And if you are doing it for Allah subhanaw taala then you know that you will, you will get paid in full and in fact you will have your pay in

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infinitely multiplied.

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Ziva says I used to feel it a lot. But I realized that I do things for the sake of Allah and leave the response on Allah. If I feel someone doesn't respond the way that would make me happy, I just pray to Allah to give me peace and pray for that person consciously. And that's a really good way to do it. Because I think through experience, people start to understand that if your expectations are in getting paid from the hands of the people, you're always going to feel poor, you're always going to feel unpaid because the people don't have any pay to give you, you know, you're going to a beggar and you're asking them to pay you. It doesn't make sense. We're all beggars. See, we're all beggars.

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And Allah subhanaw taala is the one who gives no not and we are at full cut off, we are the poor ones. And Allah is a Laconia Allah is the one who's rich, and in need of nothing. So it's, it doesn't make sense for us to go to another slave or to go to another beggar and expect them to pay us. And Subhanallah This is a very deep lesson that you, you know, you can see in your life, you know, not just with money, you know, not but but but emotionally. And you know, in terms of support emotional psychological support, when you're, when you're really going through a hard time. You know, and and again, it doesn't mean that you can't turn to your family or your friends or a

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counselor for advice or help. But what I'm talking about is, you know, where do you really turn for that, for that security, and that, and that ultimate help, because all of the people that you turn to your family or friends, the counselor, they are all means they're all tools. They're all working for Allah subhanaw taala, you know, Allah is, is the king of kings, and he is the one in control. He is the one who really cures you. He is the one who really protects you, is the one who really shelters you It isn't the people is the friend that you called up, you know, and cried to her. And maybe sometimes she picked up and maybe sometimes she didn't, you know, and maybe sometimes they're

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not there for you. And you know, sometimes really, when we put all of our need into the creation, that's when they let us down. And I think that when whenever you try that again, and again, you start to learn that there is a pattern, you know, like, okay, it was those times that I needed this person the most that they weren't there. For me. It was those times when I was most desperate for their help, that nobody was there for me how many people have experienced that I'd have people have because if you've lived in this life long enough, you start to learn the rules of this world, because these are rules designed by Allah subhanaw taala. And it's there. They're intended not to

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hurt us, but to redirect us. And that's important to understand. They are intended not to hurt us, but to redirect us to the right source of salvation and comfort and refuge. And that's only Allah Subhana Medina. So while you do seek, you know that maybe you seek the company of people and the advice and the help of people, but always realize that ultimately all help comes only from a loss of panel data.

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Louise asks, reverts often face negativity from their families, when they embrace them, I myself feel that no matter what I do, I cannot please my father, he refuses to be around me in public because of my hijab, and responds by insulting me, Louise May Allah subhanaw taala make it easy on you your test is difficult. And you know, everybody is tested in this life, we know this life is just one test after another. And for you, this is one of your tests. And we ask Allah Subhana data to make it easy on you. But please remember that you are being tested that that Allah subhanaw taala, once us wants to make evident and friend to test us who is it that we're going to try to

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please because when we can't please those who we love most, it becomes a big test for us. And in this case, you know, sometimes it's our family. And when and it's a very, it's a very clear sort of examination that's happening because here you have your father who doesn't like the hijab, and he doesn't like maybe you being Muslim. And then you have on the other hand, Allah subhana wa tada was telling us to wear a hijab and telling us to believe in any and so you're, it's a very clear test that you have there. What are you going to choose? And and so what I want to say to you is to remember and to always keep it in mind that this is a test. And, and you know, the interesting thing

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about a test is it's a creation of Allah subhanaw taala it isn't really real, all of these things Allah has put in place to test us. We have to be able to sort of break out of the

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The illusion and see it for what it is, this is just the test. And and soon This is all going to pass away. And in fact, a lot of times people have found that when they stick with Allah subhanaw taala, even the family comes around and completely has a change of heart. So Allah subhanaw taala will have your back, if you follow him. If you choose Allah subhanaw taala he will have your back in every single thing that you do, even with your family. And I and there are numerous stories, I'm sure people who even listening today can share where they stuck to their principles, they stuck to Allah subhanaw taala you know, the hijab, and they stood firm on it, and their family came around.

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But I want to tell you this, because that may happen for you, and it may not, but even if it does not for sure, you're rewarded with Allah subhanaw taala for that sacrifice. And you know, we all have, we all have tests in our lives, and everybody sort of has a different test in different forms. Just like we read the stories of the prophets, and we look in their look at their lives, look at how they were tested. Each of them had a different test, you know, some of them their children, were not practicing some like Ibrahim alayhis salaam, his father was not practicing, read the story of Ibrahim alayhis salam whose father also was not just you know, not not just that he wasn't

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practicing, but he was the, the maker of the idols and you know, he was they were wanting to put put Ibrahim on a slam into the fire as a read those stories and gain inspiration from them, because that's why they're there. Allah subhanaw taala tells us these stories in order for us to gain inspiration and lessons from them, that there were people before us who were put through these, these tests, companions of the Prophet even if you you want to look at you know, you say okay, the prophets peace be upon them, they were, they were so strong and look at companions of the Prophet peace be upon them and what they had to go through when their families did the same thing to them,

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and and and threatened to disown them threatened to kill them threatened to take them, you know,

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most of if not all men look up the story of Mosab abnormal and what he gave up when he became Muslim, you know, in head and he used to be one of the richest, most well dressed of the companions, you know, very well dressed, very handsome, rich, and when he died, it says that he died, he didn't have enough cloth to cover both his his head and his feet, that if they covered his feet, his head would show and if they covered his head, his feet would show this is how he went to Allah subhanaw taala and this was a man who before Islam was so rich, and was known for being like, you know, Mr. stylish, and yet when he died, because that's what he sacrificed for the sake of Allah subhanaw

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taala his mother cut him off and took away you know, the money and everything that he had all the luxury that he had. Look at ESEA, the wife of Freetown she was a queen, she was a queen, I mean, she had everything, but be but she stood by La ilaha illAllah she stood by her beliefs and her husband, tortured her fit Pharaoh, what he put her through and how Allah subhanaw taala describes her story and how she Allah showed her her home and Jenna You know, there's so many of these stories you are, you know, one of those people who is being given the opportunity to really rise up with Allah subhanaw taala in your, in your status with him and in in in degree with Allah subhanaw taala but

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you just have to stay firm. And and be very careful that you have your, your fuel, it's important that we don't try you know, it's like you take a car and you run the car and it might run really well for the first you know, many many you know you might be going first 100 miles or however long you know your your your car can go but then eventually once it runs out of gas, it can't run as well anymore. And in fact if you don't fill up with gas, it stops and it can't run anymore. It can't turn on. And it's the same thing with us. We have to make sure that we're always filling up and that fill is through through prayer. You know Allah says it tells us a stallion Oba Sabri was Salah, seek help

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in patience and in prayer. You know so we know that these hardships are going to are going to face us but how do we deal with them is stay in the Sabri was Salah, seek help in patience and in prayer. So make sure that you're that you're really doing that otherwise you'll lose the the fuel the ability to stand up, you know against these pressures that you're dealing with make sure that your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala is very solid through the remembrance of Allah and through prayer and through reading his you know the Quran and reflecting on the meaning if you can read Arabic or understand Arabic but reflecting on the meaning as much as you can, and and sticking to

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the prayer and a lot of

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Make sure that you are using that time and the last third of the night, that that time is some time that Allah subhanaw taala says he comes down to the lowest heaven and asks who was calling on me? So I can answer his call, who was seeking, you know, forgiveness from me so I can forgive him. And this is the time just before fetchit prayer and the few hours before budget, make sure that you're using that because that is what's going to allow you to stand up and we'll make this trial easy for you inshallah Tada.

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ls says that I've done this many times, when I've been in relationships, I changed myself to what they wanted me to be. You know, it's interesting to note this, that sometimes we do face this pressure that we want to please people so we do what pleases them. And it's, it's again, it's part of the the irony of it, that the more we try to please the people, the more they're displeased and in fact, the more we try to please Allah subhanaw taala it's something amazing happens. And and this is the idea of making the hereafter your primary concern, the idea of making it so that your primary concern is pleasing Allah, what happens is,

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if you look at it this way, when you're when your primary focus is to please people, here's what ends up happening. And you can try it and see from experience, although I don't recommend trying it because this is what will happen when you when you're when you're when your goal is to just please people, you end up not pleasing people and not pleasing Allah subhanaw taala so now your your goal is to please people and you end up displeasing a lot and displeasing people, whereas when your goal is to please Allah Subhana Allah, Allah, you please Allah subhanaw taala and Allah makes the people pleased with you. And this is a rule, this is this is this is a promise of Allah subhanaw taala for

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example, there's a hadith bootsy, where Allah says that when he loves someone, he calls out to the angels and says, I love so and so. So love him. And then the angels call out to the people in the, in the in the on the earth and said and says Allah loves so and so. So love him, and then that person will be loved on the earth and that person will be accepted. So it's it's, it's this process that happens actually only from Allah loving you. And and in the end, at the end of the day, it's like, well, whether that happens, you know, whether the people love you or or they don't love you, your satisfaction comes from knowing that Allah subhanaw taala loves you. And on top of that, it's

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kind of like it's the it's the frosting on the cake is that Allah also makes the people love you. Whereas if the other way around, when you try and run after that, and you change yourself for the people, guess what, you're not pleasing a lot, and you're not pleasing the people. In the end. Someone asks, I know we should never ask of people but what about for things that provide us more independence like networking for a job? now want to clarify that? I'm not saying I no one will say that you should never ask of people that's that's absolutely not, you know that the message here, the message here is that, you know, where the source of all things are. When you're asking the

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people you know that you're really asking Allah subhanaw taala because Allah uses the people as a tool. And even before you turn, so suppose you find out that you need, you know, you lost your job, and now you need a new job, before you turn to networking, and checking, you know, the ads for jobs, even before you start to do all that the first place you should turn is to Allah subhanho wa Taala and go through the, the, you know, the sort of the data of that situation, because we know that there is a I bet there is a warship to every single situation, every moment in your life, there's a certain a baddha that is associated with it. So for example, in times of hardship, maybe that a bad

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that is patience, okay, you know, in times of ease the the bad that is gratitude. And and so in this situation, you know, you're where we're say your provision is restricted, and you don't have provision, what's the ibid of that? Well, you go and you look what is the iPad and there's many things that the prophets I send them has told us that we can do to increase our provision, increase our risk, okay, so what you do is like is default and other things so maybe so what you do is that becomes your your first line of defense, that's, that's where you turn first because you know, that everything comes from Allah subhanaw taala. So you turn to that first. And then after that, you may

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take other means, right? You go and you say it's fine. You go and you look network for a job, you start looking at the ads, and and and that kind of thing. But even while you're doing that, and you're taking

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You know taking advantage of the means you realize who is the source and who is in control of the means itself.

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inshallah we will come back to the chat box after this short break, and we will return and speak about this topic of what happens when no matter what we do. We can't seem to please the people.

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Santa Monica, this is yes me in which I head and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. We are talking today about what happens when no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to please the people and want to actually share one of my favorite quotes with you. It's a quote of

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Rahim Allah. And he says, yearning for Allah and his meeting is like the gentle breeze blowing upon the heart extinguishing the blaze of the dunya, Whosoever causes his heart to settle with his Lord, shall be in a state, calm and tranquil. And whosoever centered amongst the people shall be disturbed, and excessively perturbed, and quote,

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you know, one of the reasons why I really love this quote is because it describes this, this, you know, dichotomy, this difference between what happens when you when your heart is with Allah subhanaw taala and sending it in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala versus when you send it to the hands of the people, or the creation, and, and, and how the difference is that when you give your heart and you send your heart to that to the to the care of Allah subhanaw taala, then your heart will be in a state, calm and tranquil. But when you give it to the care of the people, it will always be disturbed because the problem is that the people are unstable. You know, sometimes they

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love you. Sometimes they don't love you so much. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not there. Human beings are limited and weak, we are all beggars. And Allah subhanaw taala is the one who's rich. So it's very important that while we love the people and we give to the people, we understand that a law is the only true refuge and that Allah is the only true source of peace and protection and, and and risk and provision. And Allah subhanaw taala is the one who controls all the means. There's one other quote related to this topic, where

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it says the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and this is in Sahih Bukhari. The prophets lie Selim says, Whosoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented and whoever tries to make himself self sufficient, Allah will make himself sufficient, and whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient, nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patients. You know, you know, here, the lesson that we can learn from this hadith is that if you're trying to just depend on Allah subhanaw taala alone will make it easy for you, Allah will take care of you. And and and, and yet, when you try to depend on other than Him, then you're not able to hold yourself up and you end

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up being disappointed.

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So we have other questions that we're taking from the chat box. Okay. There seems to be a lot of questions about relationships that are almost deemed sacred example mother, father, etc. What would you advise us mean on the topic of trying to please mothers or fathers who are oppressing their children?

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May Allah subhanaw taala make it easy on all those who are being oppressed in any type of situation? When it comes to pleasing our parents? This is also a really good question because we are told obviously, many times that how much we are supposed to treat our parents well. And we're told you know, on different occasions about the importance of that. However, sometimes people get put in a situation where no matter what they do, they can't please their parents. For example, the the sister who said that her father doesn't like her hijab, so what is she supposed to do? So sometimes there are situations where you genuinely are doing what you can and your parents are not pleased. Does

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that mean Allah is not pleased with you? Well, no, Allah subhanaw taala only asks us to do our part and we are going to be asked in front of Allah subhanaw taala about doing our part, but the result is with him, we can control the hearts of people. If our parents are not pleased with us that is not our responsibility as long as we have done our part in pleasing them in front of Allah subhanaw taala that we have

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not taken away from their rights that we have done everything we can to show sn to our parents sn is how Allah subhanaw taala describes how we should be with our parents will be rarely they need sannan san is the most beautiful type of treatment. So suppose someone does that. And still the parents are not pleased and even opressing the child, of course, then that's not something that is in the hands of the child and we ask Allah subhanaw taala to save the child from any oppressive situation. And to save all those who are in oppressive situations, seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala remember that all of these things that are happening in our life are all going to pass away, they're all very,

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very limited. And ultimately, what's going to matter is, did I please Allah subhanaw taala as long as I did my part with him, then it'll be okay and all of the rest in sha Allah to Allah will pass away, seek refuge in Allah with what you cannot control, and do what you can, with what you can control. It is important to that, you know, if you're in an oppressive situation that you do what you can to avoid or get out of it. Sub patience does not mean that you passively allow yourself to be abused, that's very important to understand. It is it does not mean that you passively allow someone to take advantage of you or to abuse you. But rather Sabra is perseverance and being firm.

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And sometimes that's exactly what you need in order to get out of that situation. So if it is within your means, and of course, it depends on the situation. It's different if it's your parents versus it's a spouse, but whatever it you know, depending on the situation, if it whatever is within your means, trying and using all means to get yourself out of that situation. Sometimes it may mean seeking counseling, you know, for if even if it's your parents, you know, you can't necessarily you can't obviously go and divorce your parents. However, you can take certain means, such as seeking counseling seeking help from from a mediator and mmm or, or both. Preferably,

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you know, a trained counselor, or somebody that that your parents respect, that you try what you can, but all along you seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala and after you've exhausted all that you can possibly do know that Allah subhanaw taala will take care of you. And so seek refuge in Him. Nina writes, we feel ashamed to come back to LA when we displease him trying to please people, and we fail to please both. This is a very good point. And I think this is one of the traps that we end up falling into, is that when we do displease Allah subhanaw taala we feel ashamed to turn back.

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This is this is a trap that shaitan also uses against us. When we make a mistake, saying we were trying to please people instead of pleasing Allah. That's a mistake. But does Allah subhanaw taala forgive mistakes? Absolutely. Unless the panel dialer says that he is an Rahman and Rahim at the web and for Allah subhanaw taala has, so Allah has so many attributes that have to do with forgiveness and mercy. If we never made a mistake, then when would Allah Subhana Allah? Why would you know how would we experience these traits or these attributes of Allah subhanaw taala it's important that we don't become hopeless, when we, when we commit a sin and we remember that human beings all humans

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make mistakes. And whenever you make mistake, you need to go back to Allah Subhana Allah, Allah tells us this, that all you know, we're told, for example, that all human beings are sinners, and the best of them are those who come back and seek forgiveness. So don't ever let your mistake keep you from turning back to Allah subhanaw taala Yes, we feel bad, but let that humility actually push you more towards Allah and not away from Allah. Because if it's pushing you away, then actually shaitan has gotten you. That's what shaitan wants. He wants you to feel like oh, it's too late for you. Or you know, what kind of hypocrite are you? You're gonna go turn to Allah when you're doing

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this in your life. You know who you're Who are you to go pray when you've just committed that sin? What are you a hypocrite? So just don't pray at all. And that's the way shaitan gets us is through this trap. Be very, very weary of this trap and realize that Allah's mercy is greater than any and all of your sins. Sister yes mean I've recently been labeled as a rescuer. The thing is, I come from a family of people pleasers, and sometimes I just don't know how to not be affected by issues that my family or even close friends are going through. I want so bad to help in any way I can. But at the same time, I have so much on my plate and trying to maintain my own sanity, while also trying to

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put together my own nonprofit organization. I guess I just get confused when it comes to trying to make family happy for the sake of Allah. But know that it will never be enough. Sometimes this feeling of being overwhelmed is because we're relying

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on ourselves too much, we rely on our own means to get things done. And to, as you say, may rescue people help people, if you can just acknowledge that you actually don't have any power to make anything happen, you would feel a lot lighter. If you were able to acknowledge that actually all the power is in a lot of hands, and that you are not in control of these things that you cannot actually have the ability yourself to change these things. But that all change comes from Allah subhanaw taala. Ultimately, it's accepting later how Allah will our pour water in Lebanon, that there's no change in state and no power except by Allah Subhana Medina, if you could really realize that, then

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then this burden that you're carrying will feel a lot lighter, where you go ahead and you do your part, it doesn't mean that you just sit at home while people are suffering and don't do anything. You absolutely strive and you try, and you and you do your part, but you realize that the result doesn't come from you that the result only comes from Allah subhanaw taala it's only Allah who can save that person, it's only Allah who can help that person, but you still do your part. Because your part is part of your data. It's part of your worship, to do your part to help others and and to seek those means the various says when I feel need, I think of sordidness at where Allah says but Allah

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knows your enemies very well. Allah has enough as a friend and ally is enough as a supporter, sooner than this a a 45 and it makes me there, it makes me happy.

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That is a beautiful place to find refuge in the words of Allah subhanaw taala. And in fact, it is absolutely true that Allah is enough as a friend, and allies enough as a supporter. If we the more that we can realize that kefa biLlahi Kapha belay Willie and or Kapha that Allah is enough as a well he is enough as a protector, that Allah is enough as a Shahid, Kapha Malaysia he then that even if nobody else sees what you're doing, or nobody else appreciates what you're doing, Allah is enough as one to see, and one to appreciate. And one to reward. That is actually what really gives the heart piece tell you about asks if a lead doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear? Why does it

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sometimes feel so unbearable? And the reason why

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the reason why it sometimes feels unbearable, it has to do with whether or not we're trying to carry it ourselves. So for example, if I see, you know, a weight 150 pound weight, if I go and I try to lift it, it's gonna feel unbearable, it's gonna feel like there's no way I can do this. But if I instead go to a heavyweight champion, and I say hey, can you lift that weight for me? Then it's not gonna feel heavy on me, right? I'm not gonna feel unbearable. Well, Allah subhanaw taala is high above this analogy. But when Allah subhanaw taala is the one carrying all of our, you know, troubles if we give it to a lesser penalty on it, it no longer feels heavy on us. The reason why we feel over

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overwhelmed and burdened and it's too heavy, is because we're trying to do it on our own. We're trying to lift it on our own and we're not seeking Allah subhanaw taala to help us. We're not seeking help in patients and prayer as Allah Subhana Allah says, is dying the Sabri or Sala seek refuge and seek help, in fact, seek help in patience and prayer. That if we're not doing that, then of course it feels unbearable. Of course it feels too heavy, because we're not created to be able to lift it. It's actually something that we need to go to Allah subhanaw taala to help us and there is nothing that becomes heavy on us except when we try to do it on our own. And there is nothing that

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is easy. Or In fact, there is nothing that that that that becomes easy, except when we seek Allah subhanaw taala and it reminds me of a hikma of ignatia Ulla where he says that nothing is difficult, if it is done through Allah subhanaw taala or if it is sought through Allah subhanaw taala and nothing is easy if it is sought or done through oneself. So whatever we're doing it you know, it has to do with Who are we relying on and where are we seeking help if we're trying to do it on our own, nothing will be easy, and if we're trying to do it through a law, nothing will be difficult or feel unbearable. Someone says I struggle with consistency in my bed. I listen to lectures and get

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inspired by can't seem to get right with a lawn stay right. Yet I worry about the other things. thing, but I worry about what others think of me constantly seeking approval and praise.

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For material things, I feel empty sometimes help. Well, first, I want to thank you for your honesty, this is a problem that a lot of us have, and we don't admit it. One is you mentioned a very important point of being consistent with Allah subhanaw taala, consistent in our worship, and then you mentioned the need for praise and worrying about what people think. And, and you know, seeking that approval through material things, and then the emptiness and Subhanallah, they're all very much connected. When our focus is getting the approval of people, then we've lost center in our life, we've lost the ultimate purpose of our creation, so of course, we're going to feel empty. And the

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more you run after the approval, and the and the praise of the people, the more it runs away from you, the more you lose it, you're not going to get it. And on top of it, you end up being very empty. And worst of all, is you lose the approval and love, you lose the approval and pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala. The solution to this is, in fact, in your first question, and that is in being more consistent with your a bad and with your wicked with your remembrance, that we're told that by the prophets that I send them that the most beloved action to Allah subhanaw taala is the one that's most consistent, even if it's small, even if it's small, what I would say to you is you find things

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which you can be absolutely consistent on and I tell you to start with the with the photo, and the things which are have been made obligatory upon us. First and foremost are the five daily prayers. So make sure that no matter what's going on in your life, no matter you know, you got in a fight with your friend, you're not happy with your husband or your your you know, whatever is happening with your job or whatever ups and downs, you're not in the mood, you're too tired, that regardless, you always pray and you pray on time that those five prayers are something that you will always do. Until the day you die, you know that it's nothing that you will ever sacrifice for, that you will

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ever compromise. If you're able to be firm on your prayers you'll find and that these problems will become lessened and you will be able to, to to refocus your heart on seeking the approval of Allah subhanaw taala instead of the people increase remembrance in your life, increase your recitation and reflection on the words of Allah soprano that I read a quote and and make sure that it's a part of your life daily, not just during Ramadan, but all the time and as we know we're about to enter into the the first 10 days of the ledger where Allah Subhana Allah says the most beloved days where the actions are, are rewarded more than any other days of the year. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to

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increase us in those days especially and, you know, this is a time to make a schedule for yourself, at least stick with certain things that you don't give up. You know, again, starting out with the prayers if that's something you're not doing. If it is something you're already Firmin, then add some sunon prayers, add some extra no F and, and make sure that you're connecting with the plan regularly. When you increase the kid in your life, you're feeding your heart. When you take it away, you're starving your heart. And a starved heart is an empty heart. And it's a heart that doesn't doesn't have the right focus in terms of what you're seeking, for approval, and for and for play and

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who it is that you're trying to please. How about if you make a promise to Allah and you keep breaking it will love accept your repentance. How will you make your Talbots sincere? This is a question which is answered many times Allah subhanaw taala has told us that so long as we are sincere, and that there's no time limit. Or rather, there's no expiration date, until the time we when we die, where we can always come back to Allah subhanaw taala no matter how many times we've messed up, we can always come back to him, that no matter how many sins we've committed, I want you to think of it like this, no matter how many times you've you've sinned against Allah subhanaw

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taala. And if you took all of the sins that you've committed in your entire life, and in fact take took all the sins that everyone of all time, all mankind all of the creation of gin and ins have committed over all time and you put it on one side of the scale, and then you took the mercy of Allah and put it on the other side of the scale, which one would be heavier, and we know as a matter of our Amen, that that the that the that the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala would be greater than the mercy of Allah subhanaw taala would be heavier. So how can we ever worry that we've committed to many sins for Allah to forgive us? The key is just that you have to make yourself sincere and you

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have to keep going back to Allah subhanaw taala We ask Allah Subhana Allah to make it easy on all of us.

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And inshallah to Allah I hope that if you know if there was anything that was beneficial it is from Allah subhanaw taala there's anything that I said was wrong it's from my own self and I seek refuge and I asked forgiveness for it according Cody had was stopped for a lolly will come in no for Rahim subhanak Hello but him that the shadow nightline and just a photo lake was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.