Are we making this huge parenting mistake

share this pageShare Page
Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

Topics: Parenting

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:46

You have two types of air yet in the air and we have the meccan as the areas that were revealed in Mecca, and then we have the madonie, or the verses that were revealed in Medina. Now if you look at these two types of verses, you find that generally they have two different types of subject matter. Generally, the verses that were revealed at the beginning of the message meaning, the beginning of this process of developing this oma the beginning of the process of Terra via, of the people, those verses that were revealed in Mecca are not by and large, about how to almond head. They are not about rules, they are not about the film, we didn't get the film, at the very beginning, that came

00:00:46--> 00:01:31

later. And what we see that the majority of the verses that were revealed at the beginning of the prophets, I send them a message in Mecca, we're about a different type of subject matter. And this is a lesson for us that this is where we need to begin with our children. Because Allah and His Messenger art is they are teaching us how to raise another human being, because that is that was the job of the prophets I sell, and he was raising the companions, he was teaching them little by little, and what order Did he go, he began with the following the agates in Mecca, who by and large about Allah subhanaw taala, about our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, about our duty to

00:01:31--> 00:01:44

worship a law and a law alone. those verses were building the RFP, that's the foundation of belief, and the relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. The concept of lead ILA,

00:01:46--> 00:02:41

the true concept of tohave, of the fact that Allah is the only ILA that is worthy of worship, the only thing that we should put at the center of our hearts, the only thing that we should put at the center of our lives, that we should not love, or fear, or depend on anything else, more than we love or fear or depend on a loss of data, that is the foundation and the roots, that that the prophets, I send them and that Allah and His Messenger taught all of us. And that is the foundation that we need to teach our children. And what has happened now with this upside down, sort of approach, where we begin with children, by talking to them about how to ROM and Hellfire and punishment is that we are

00:02:41--> 00:03:33

speaking about Allah subhanaw taala in a very imbalanced way, we are teaching our children in that way, we are teaching our children that Allah subhanaw taala as wrath is greater than his mercy, and that is the complete opposite of what Allah says about himself, unless upon what Allah says about himself, that my mercy supersedes my wrath that Allah subhanaw taala is most emphasized qualities in the Quran, are the qualities of mercy and compassion and forgiveness. And yet we teach about a law in a very, very imbalanced, unjust way. We teach about Allah subhanaw taala as if Allah is like, God forbid a police officer who's just waiting to take those children and throw them into jail. But

00:03:33--> 00:04:21

actually, it's going to be worse than jail because it's a bit big pit of fire. And so what we're really teaching our children is that a law is something that they should avoid something that they should fear, but not in a healthy way. Let me explain. If we do not teach our children the foundation of love of Allah, the foundation of, of gratitude towards Allah subhana wa Tada. Then what happens is, if we only teach about how wrong and we only teach about Hellfire, then we are making the children see Allah as as, as almost something frightening, something that they just want to run away from. And that is the absolute worst thing that we could do for our children. And I am

00:04:21--> 00:05:00

seeing because, you know, as I work with people, and a lot of the issues that people now later have in adulthood, in their youth and beyond. One thing I'm finding that's very, very common, and very, very toxic, is that many people have this concept of religion and this concept of a law that you better be perfect, or else you're no good, you better be sinless, you better not slip up once, or else you might as well give up. There's a very hopeless type of all or none attitude and this is

00:05:00--> 00:05:49

attitude I believe is very much linked to the way we are parenting, to the way we are teaching our children, we're teaching our children, you have to be perfect, or else. And then the worst thing is that we're telling them that if they slip up, a law is just waiting to take them and throw them in hell. And so we're teaching them about Allah subhanaw taala in a way, that is making them want to run away from him, rather than run to Allah subhana wa Tada. And the result of this, by the way, is found many, many, you know, decades later, even in that person's life, that when that person makes a mistake, that person becomes more likely to fall into despair, that that person becomes more likely

00:05:49--> 00:06:10

to give up, because they have not been taught how to fall and get back up. They have not been taught how to be a good Muslim, while also knowing that they are human. This hasn't been something we've been taught. We've been taught almost like there's this dichotomy, right? There are.

00:06:11--> 00:06:55

There are good Muslims, and there are bad Muslims. Okay, right. There's just these two categories, good Muslims, and bad Muslims, right. Now, let's talk about the good Muslims. What does a good Muslim look like? Well, the way we've been taught about a good Muslim is someone who doesn't commit sins, right? Someone who's perfect, someone who's flawless, someone who's just, you know, who who just floats around, and is just an angel. Essentially, we are describing an angel, right? And we say that's the only kind of good Muslim is someone who never makes mistakes, someone who never sins, someone who's basically an angel, that's a good Muslim. Now, if you can't be this, then that means

00:06:55--> 00:07:41

you're in this category, which means you're a bad Muslim. And so there's this idea that we've that we've taught our children, that as soon as you make a mistake, you fall into the category of bad Muslim. Now, why is that so toxic? Because every human being makes mistakes. So what would that mean? It would mean that no one would ever have hope. No one would ever be able to really have the desire or the motivation to keep trying, because as soon as they make a mistake, they just lose hope, saying I'm a bad Muslim. And there's no point now. And so there's a lot of despair, I see so much despair, when people make mistakes. And this I really, truly believe is something we have to

00:07:41--> 00:08:24

teach our children. I mentioned that we have to have solid roots, solid foundation in the relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. Now more about that, how do we build this relationship with Allah subhanaw taala? How do we not only build it for ourselves, because faculty shaped laity if you don't have something, if you are deprived of something, it becomes very easy to very difficult rather, to give that. So the thing that you are deprived of is difficult to give. So if we ourselves are spiritually deprived, it will be a lot harder for us to impart that to our children. So first, we obviously have to build our own relationship with Allah subhanaw taala in order to be able to

00:08:24--> 00:09:05

effectively impart that to our children. Now, how do we build that relationship with within ourselves but but but moreover, how do we now teach our children to build that relationship with Allah subhanaw taala and this is where it comes to the love of Allah, it comes to the attachment to who is Allah subhanaw taala when we go back and look at these acts that were first revealed, they are telling you about the attributes of Allah subhanaw taala they are teaching about retrim about, about the accountability, about the day of judgment about our purpose in life. These This is the foundation before we talk about how long, how long and Hellfire before we talk about how Tom and

00:09:05--> 00:09:51

Helen, we need to allow our children to know who Allah is. And Allah subhanaw taala is not an angry policeman waiting to throw them in, in jail the moment they make a mistake. No, Allah subhanaw taala is the most forgiving Allah subhanaw taala is the Most Merciful. Allah subhanaw taala is the one who is waiting not to punish them, not to throw them in Hellfire, what is waiting to forgive them. And that's how we have to teach about Allah subhanaw taala Yes, Hellfire is real and yes, punishment is real. But this is not the foundation that we should be teaching our children because at the beginning, we should be teaching them how to love Allah, how to build an attachment to Allah and

00:09:51--> 00:10:00

look at what happens naturally. Once you love someone, once you really are attached to someone. Once you really really

00:10:00--> 00:10:06

love anyone, then what follows is a natural desire to please them.