Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Shaykh Yasir Qadhi discusses the effects of destroying the ego of one’s husband. One who diminishes ego of her husband, she has destroyed his pride. To pinpoint his mistakes all the time and hovering over him showcasing his shortcomings, is a recipe for disaster. He should be the nourisher and provider in your eyes and he will come to your rescue.
As wives, they should choose your words and tone of the voice should be modulated so as to not sound discerning and derogatory. Choosing the word ‘You’ over ‘I’ is what makes matters worse and situations go wayward. The Shaykh gives appropriate examples.
Until the women do not become damsels in distress, the men will not be knights in shining armour!
hamdulillah Isla De Niro
Al hamdu Al Hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah, Camden Kathie Lee Banila, Bullock,
delta and Cooney, noir
Masada to sleep Rana nebby Kareem.
There's a leaky faucet, your husband comes in with the toolbars, the plumbing, the wrench and everything. And you're like, you're gonna fix the leaky faucet.
You've taken his ego, and you didn't just take a pin and you took a knife and you thrust it in his heart. Like, literally the husband will say, if I can't even take care of a leaky faucet, you don't think I'm capable of this? What do you think I'm capable of? What you've done is and I'm gonna be very frank here and I speak as a man. Men have big egos, their egos Mashallah tabaka law. So if you do anything to diminish that ego, you have hurt male pride.
You have hurt male pride. So you let the man foster his ego lets him if you think he's self did you let him be self diluted, he loves you back in return. And in the end of the day, that's what you want, doesn't it? You want to be loved and cherished and admired. Let him make a mistake. And I will tell you another thing, sisters, frankly, if your husband does take on a challenge, you will be surprised when nine times out of 10 he'll actually finish it in a decent manner. This is the fact of the matter. When men make mistakes, they'll go back and do it again and do it again and do it again until they get it right. Allah created us that way for you to hover over him and always pinpoint him
or find defaulter diminish his ego, honestly, this is very problematic. Frankly, It's humiliating and painful for the delicate male ego, the man feels he's the protector.
If you will challenge him and say, how can you protect me from a leaky faucet? Then you have basically said, I don't trust your judgment. You have basically said I don't feel you're qualified to take on protecting me and taking care of the household. The bottom line, let him take on his challenges. Suppose he wants to write a book, suppose he wants to do a project, let him do it. Let him find out his own way. Maybe he's not the best plumber, fine, but when you diminish his ego, this will cause problems in his heart for you. He's not going to love you the way you want him to love you. You need to allow him the impression of being the nourisher the provider, the one he is the one
who will protect you. So you take refuge in Him you seek shelter in him, Yes, honey, you will fix the leaky faucet and guess what inshallah he will actually end up fixing the leaky faucet. Also, when you must bring up something negative and sometimes you have to, I'm not saying you'll always be quiet and never point out a mistake or something when you must bring up something negative. Choose your wording and the tone of your voice with great caution. One of the main reasons that men complained about the nagging of their wives always the wives are nagging is because they feel a woman's nagging is equivalent to disrespecting
a man feels that the wife who always reminds me again, back to the leaky faucet, right. And you haven't fixed the faucet yet Can you fix the faucet has been a week it's been two weeks when you get to fix the faucet. When you keep on putting it this way. What's happening, the man will feel now a hatred to fix the faucet. She's bothering me so much. It's not going to bring about a positive change. By the way, the reason why the man is not fixing the faucet is because he has other priorities. He has a deadline at work. And he knows that deadline is more important than the leaky faucet. You don't have those priorities he does so what you do is you remind him in a gentle manner.
Honey, I know I've reminded you last week of the faucet I know you have other things to do. Whenever you get a chance to Shahla, can you take care of that? It's just a tone is just a positive attitude rather than being negative, not to be sarcastic, but rather to be somewhat positive. And if you must complain, never use the phrase you rather use the phrase. I let me give you an example.
Your husband comes home late and he didn't call you. He didn't call you he's late from work. Then you get angry at him. You never call me when you're late. You should always call me What have you just
Don't daunted him, right? mothers and fathers can say that to their children better you must call before you before you're late. Yes, that's fine. But for the wife to do this, honestly, it's not going to bring about the low. You know what I will teach you that phrase when you say it will law he every time he's late, he will call you. What is that phrase? Honey, you didn't call me and you were late. And I was worried for you.
instantaneously, I got worried. I didn't know where are you? I didn't know what to this instantaneously, you will give him such a big guilt trip to go to the moon and come back for you.
It's just a matter of phrasing it so that you make him feel like a man, you were supposed to take care of me. And you did it because you made me feel worried for your safety. So all you did, rather than treat him like a child, rebuke him, you become the wife. And you say, I got worried you were late. I was waiting for your call when you put it on yourself. And this applies to any situation. By the way, suppose the husband was a bit harsh, and something that he said, rather than saying, You always say that you should say, I felt hurt when you use this phrase, change it back on you. And when you say I felt hurt automatically, the husband will feel man I was too harsh. I shouldn't have
done that. He will feel guilty. And that's what you want your husband to feel when he is a bit harsh to you want him to feel guilty. When you rebuke him. He's not going to feel guilty. And you all know this from experience. You want him to feel like a man be a woman and he'll feel like a man, act as a woman act in a feminine manner, and he will come and be your Savior and your knight in shining armor. But you have to be the damsel in distress to get that knight in shining armor. Until you're the damsel in distress. That knight in shining armor is never going to appear