Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
My sister, and I'm from Canada, emails saying that she has a looks like obviously she's an unmarried lady. She has a proposal from a person, and she has prayed harder. And her question is that she is confused about the interpretation of the is the heart of what does it mean? So she's asking she's emailing saying, What are the signs that she should be looking for when it comes to this hora? And how can she make a decision?
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Now this is a very good question. And it's basically a question about the Salatu is the hora and before I began the answer
let me just say to sister on them and all the young men and women who are worried about marriage and what not, I mean, obviously we ask Allah azza wa jal to find the righteous spouse for you. And the salata is the hora is a very, very necessary step as you undertake this decision. In fact, in the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam it is explicitly mentioned that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would teach us is the horror for marriage and for other purposes and that is why is the horror is associated with with marriage. Unfortunately, the average Muslim or many people believe is the harder is only for marriage and this is a big mistake no is the hora is
for any major decision. And that's why the Hadith says of Javid of Nagaland others the prophets are some tortoise is the hora for marriage and similar things What does it mean and similar means of anything of importance, anything that is a significant decision, that we are required, not required, we are strongly encouraged to pray solitude is the heart. So how does one praise the heart and what are the realities of spirit that is the heart of the word is the heart It comes from the Arabic word for higher and higher it means good high it means that which is beneficial is the hora means to ask for that which is beneficial to seek that which is good, that is the meaning of the word. So that
tool is the heart and the the notion of praying is the hora it is something that is done for any major decision as we said before you actually do the decision before you sign the contract before you you know, take the job before you move cities before you do the actual whatever major thing you have in your mind. You pray solitude is the heart and there is another thing that you're supposed to do along with obviously, contemplation and decision making two main things that you do. I spoke about this many times. Even taymiyah mentions that our scholars of the past said that whoever does is the harder and is the Shara will have no regrets two things is the harder is the Shara is the
harder you ask Allah azza wa jal for what is best is the Shah you ask the people whom you trust for their advice. Matura sure okay, so it's the hora de Allah to Allah is the Shara back and forth dialogue with the people who love you The people that are experts, the people who know you the people who know what's going to happen so if you're going to take a job at a company, you go to the people working in the company Hey, what what do you think or is it a good company? Do you like it or not? If you're moving to a new city, you're going to ask the Muslims of that city Hey, I'm moving to the city. What are the pros and cons Tell me so that is the shower, and we do both of them Mr. hora
and is to shower and the head either Mr. hora. It is the most authentic identify Bahati that Javelin Abdullah said that the Prophet the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would regularly teach us is the hora in all of our affairs, just like he would teach us a surah. From the Koran. This shows us that the profitsystem would make it a habit for the Sahaba that they would learn is the harder just like they would learn a sutra from the Koran they would constantly do is harder for anything that they needed to. And the Hadith goes on that he said, When any one of you is concerned with an issue or a matter. When any one of us is concerned. you're you're you're troubled, you're bothered, what
should I do? When there's a hum and the hum here means a major decision you're worrying plan a plan B, Plan C, which one should I do? And by the way, is too hard. It doesn't just have to be over two, you can have three offers in front of you three companies gave you the job, and you're wondering which one should I take so you praise the heart over this no problem. So our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said when any of you is concerned with an issue or a matter, let him pray.
To rakah that are not followed IE to special or cause for so nothing is the Hard Rock and then let him make this do are therefore when you pray is the harder you should not use Word prayer or federal prayer or any other prayer to do is the harder you should pray to special regard for salata is the heart and if somebody says Can I combine the sooner of lower with the heart Can I combine the two here to rescue this the harder my response is? I don't even want to go there. My dear brother and sister Don't be so lazy. Pray to God please Okay, just don't you have a major decision you can make to Dakar Don't be cheaper and you buy one get one free in this regard. You're making a major
decision. Pray your Sooners and then pray I'm not saying is about that. I'm just saying Don't be so stingy. Dear Muslim, pray today I'll take you less than three minutes for in front of Allah subhana wa Tada. So pray is the hardest special prayer that obviously you cannot pray during the prohibited timeframes, which is after Phrygian until the sun rises when the sun is above you, when the sun is about to set after also, other than those three prayer timings any time of the day and night, pray to the God special, you may recite anything that you want in it. There's nothing narrated about which pseudos you need to recite. And then after that this theme this is the majority opinion of
small groups that before that this name but the majority position because our profits in the lesson I've said that pray two rakaat. And then when he says and then this means after the destiny and then let him say the following up. Now because it's the hardest to important. I'm actually going to translate phrase by phrase and I'll say it in Arabic as well so that you can open up a book and write your test skill and write the draft properly. The draft is as follows Allahumma inni esta heruka we really make a lot of a lot. I asked you for what is better based upon your knowledge or law. I asked you for the better option based upon your knowledge as the hero I'm asking which one is
better? will make you have the moral luck was stuck with the ruka the poodle Latika and our law I asked you to give me power to do this decision because you have the one that you are the one that gives the power step called judoka. I asked you for the power I asked you for the order of the world the resolve to do it and then opening up the doors quadratic with your paddle and with your cooter Oh, Allah subhana wa Taala allow me to allow this to happen was Erica and Blake allowed him and ask you a lot from your benevolence and your generosity from your magnanimity from your blessing. So while I'm asking you for a little while that occurred because of a law, you have power, and you are
capable, and I have no power, and I'm incapable What's our Alamo weather item, and you know, everything. And I know nothing. Well, until I learn boo boo you, and you are the one who knows the unseen, although you know the future. And you know, what's what's going to happen if I choose option A, and you know, what's what's going to happen if I choose option B, although you are there, it will haven the I learned well, who you you know everything or a lot. So of course, I asked you which of the two will be better because you know, which of the two will be better. And I will not ask you not only which one is better, I asked you to give me the power to then undertake the decision to
actually choose the one that is better, and open up the doors for the one that is better. And then so this is the demo, this is the introduction. And then you say the phrase Allahumma incontact demo, and then more or less, if you know that this matter has an hour. Now, if you want to add a phrase here, even if you don't speak Arabic, no problem. You can say it in your local language in your in your English, whatever it is. Or if you know that this matter, you only had the number you pause you say, my accepting the job at this company, or my accepting the proposal of this man or if you're the man wanting to propose that, if you know that this matter my proposing to the sister so you can say
it. And if you want you can be quiet and have it in your knee. Because Allah knows your knee and Allah knows why you're praying is the hardest. So either of the two is acceptable even though there is no question that the better is to verbalize it because that will be more perfect. And so the reason I said not in Arabic because obviously not everybody speaks Arabic so no problem. If you say it in another language, Allah understands all languages. So you say oh well life you know that this matter? Clearly fee Dini when she was at Emory, that this matter is better for me, in my religion, and for my livelihood, my worldly affairs and for my ass here. So look at the three things Pamela,
what a beautiful comprehensive two hour long if you know that this job offer that I'm going to take with the new company or if you know that this proposal and marriage all if you know that my moving from this city to that city will be better for my religion and be better for my livelihood and be better for my archaea. What more do you want to panel all three things, all of you. It'll be better for all of them. And then one version and another version he says igd MD.
God the affairs of mine that are short term and the affairs of mind that are long term the affairs of this world and the affairs of the next one if it is better for me in all of these regard then what are we supposed to say? Dude hooli we are Sidhu Lee some radically fee then Oh Allah make it possible for me and bless me with the power to do it felt comfortable and familiar to both of them are allowed here we are sit hoody and make it easy for me. And then bless me with it. So So Pamela, once again, a beautiful job number one, give me the power to do it. Number two, make the doing of it easy for me. Number three, once I've done it, bless that decision and make it the best for me What a
beautiful, beautiful drought. And honestly dear Muslims, It surprises me how stingy some people are with this blessing of is the harder they don't take advantage of it. And it is one of the best blessings that Allah has blessed this woman with why would you not want to praise the harder for each and every major decision? So if so, then you say for delivery or for totally wasted robotically fee fee and then you say Allah and quantify them and the higher the number and Oh Allah if you know that this deed or this matter, and then you can say it again. shabu LiFi Dini, where is your activity, activity, Emery, if it's going to be for my detriment, in my religion, and for my
livelihood, and for my next life, in this case, 434 and knee was left knee and who double turn me away from it and turn it away from me, let the both of us turn our backs and walk away from each other, Let it not be something that I go towards, or it comes towards me break it away from me and break me away from it. And then you end this to that in a beautiful way that alone more clearly a higher high token or aloha mK durley both are allowed. Oh Allah decree for me good. wherever that is some rabine D some model the Navy again, both are allowed Rob Delaney and Alderney. And then Oh Allah make me pleased with whatever decision you have made. So the ending is also very powerful that
a lot. Whatever decision I make, give me the power to do the better of the decision. And then whatever decision has been made that will alone make me content with that decision. Now, this is the famous hadith of jabil, inside Bahati, and I've explained the entire Hadith. So going back, our sister is saying and it applies to anybody that any time you're in a major situation now pause here, we pressed harder for anything that is significant we and what is significant, you know, it's common sense. You don't press the harder to buy a new suit or something and you don't press the harder for a trivial matter. But you will press the harder for something that is significant. And I gave
multiple examples here, right? Do you want to resign from your job and get another job? That's a very precarious situation. Should I should I not you have two jobs on the table offers you don't know which one to take, okay. to propose. And this is the rest of your life, your marriage, to change houses, to change locations. These are big decisions and you're kind of vacillating. Should I should I not? That's when you pray is the heart. And that's why our Prophet system said when one of you is troubled with a matter when one of you has him and him is a big decision. So we don't trivialize the religion by making fun of is the heart and doing it for trivial things. We praise the
harder for things of significance so we praise the harder with sincerity with who sure we then say that the slim we raise your hands up to Allah subhana wa tada if you have not memorized the DA no problem you're outside of Salah you may pick up a piece of paper and put it in your hands and read it or you may have it in front of you in the book no problem because you're outside of sauna so this is the heart it can be picked up and read from a book no problem now once you've prayed is the horror and you've made it to our This is where a lot of cultural mythology starts this is where a lot of you know interesting interpretations happen. Some people say that go to sleep immediately on
your right hand side and you know make sure you don't drink or eat some people say this Some people say that some people are going to see a dream and if the dream has you know this color or that color are made of is green, go red stop. I don't know what it is. But there is nothing in the Quran and Sunnah about any type of divine sign that will come to you. This type of divine sign is something that is not something that is mentioned in the text. Also, there's another cultural connotation listen to this carefully. A lot of people think that when I pray is the car, I have to cleanse my heart of any bias towards one of the two decisions. And I need to be totally neutral, like something
you know, balancing on a needle, let's say just complete neutral. And it's the heart is going to come and tip it one way psychologically they feel this way. And again, this is a notion that has no basis in the Quran or in the authentic sooner and it contradicts the meaning of the heady now there is a very
Very, very weak narration almost fabricated, which is in some of the tertiary books mentioned, even as Sunni and his comedy olena, which is a very tertiary book and it is well known to be full of weak traditions. Mmm and no, we mentioned this hadith and then it says this is a very strange Hadith with people that don't know in the chain. So this is where it comes from, what does it say? It says, but it is not from the Prophet system, it's a mistake to attribute to him that when one of you is concerned about a matter, let him pray is the hardest seven times, and then let him follow the intuition of his heart because that intuition will be what is good for him. Now, this had the it
does mention intuition, but it is not a hadith is not authentic, we should say it's not an authentic hadith. So there is no such thing as feeling of the heart. Also this notion of dreams and is the heart of there is no Hadith that links dreams with this the hado now canadream show you something good Yes. So if a dream happens, take it into account. But there is no inherent linkage between the horror and dreams. So to be clear, dreams are a generic blessing from Allah, they can happen without us the horror and witness the horror. A true dream, if it's interpreted properly, is might indeed be something you should act upon. But A Dream and it's the heart are not intrinsically linked together.
Some people think they're going to see a dream based on the dream they have to do this the horror No, we need to be very clear.
almost inevitably, when you have an option in front of you, your heart is already either inclined to accept it or reject it. In fact, generally speaking, you will only get to istikhara when you are seriously considering the offer. Right. Generally speaking, you're kinda sorta already somewhat interest. Generally, I'm not saying you have to be. There's nothing wrong at all, with your heart. Even certain I want to do this no problem. It doesn't ruin this, the harder it is the harder is a dua to Allah to grant you what is best. It's as simple as that. There's no magic formula. There's no, no it's nothing mythology, nothing like this. It is $1 to a law, that all law whatever is best
make that easy for me. There's nothing to do with your emotions, with your dreams with your intuition. Now, could you use your intuition and dreams perhaps, but in and of itself is the horror has nothing to do with internal intuitions and internal dreams. So you make your istikhara. And you then go with whatever you want to. And if you're confused, go ahead and choose one of the two and go with it. Because here's the point, your istikhara will then automatically guide you to that which is best. And if you wish to repeat the istikhara multiple times in and of itself before you make the decision. There's nothing intrinsically wrong if you praise the hoarder, occasionally. Now, if you
were to do this multiple times, one after the other, that seems to go against the Hadith. But once every day or two, you know, once every few days and you're still contemplating, it'll probably be new information comes to you, you spoke with somebody about your job, and you've got some new information. Now you're troubled, you want to press the hot again, no problem. But see, here's the point. You're not going to see some magic light or some green or router or something that's automatically going to definitively tell you go left to right, that's not going to happen. And it might very well be that you proceed with confusion with trepidation. You're not 100% sure, am I
doing right or wrong? And guess what you still don't is the harder problem. Don't worry about that. The feelings of the heart are independent about the realities of is too hard. I mean, allow me to go into personal anecdote, inshallah, it will be useful in this regard.
I remember a time in my life.
When I was sitting in Medina, and we had our firstborn my firstborn son was born hamdulillah and at that time, we had been living in that upon a very old apartment you know the student life and so it happened to dilla with the birth of the son and whatnot handler opened up loose because that's what happens a lot is written for you when you have children that is comes from Allah and hamdulillah we were in a position now to move into a better apartment and if you know anything about apartment hunting anywhere in the world, it is a nightmare. And if you have known anything about Medina it is a triple nightmare because of the adjudge and pilgrims and whatnot. So anybody who knows this knows
you know so we spent my wife and I weeks weeks traveling around doing everything not liking something or what not Finally we saw an apartment that we both instantaneously fell in love with it was perfect in every sense. It was in a different district of Medina and we said how last you know, I spoke with the owner the owner said Okay, you know what he verbally agreed it was okay inshallah, no problem. We'll agree. Just come back tomorrow with the deposit and we'll sign the contract. Okay. My wife and I are super happy, elated. We finally after weeks we've discovered it. It was literally you know, first sight we fell in love with the place. Come back.
Calm, and and I had already verbally agreed and I had not practiced to harder. That's fine, fine, no problem because there was nothing binding It is just a verbal agreement. I come home I pray to God, I kid you not within a few minutes, the landlord to be called up. And he is so apologetic and he's like, you know, I'm so sorry. But when you left, my cousin came and told me Who are these people because it was his building. I said, oh, they're renting the apartment. My cousin got furious or not fear has been, you know, irritated, like, Hey, I'm your cousin. How could you not rent me the apartment? So he really apologized that would I be willing to break my verbal contract? You know,
because he felt bad that he verbally agreed. And I said, you know, what's your cousin's Pamela? How can I come between you and your cousin, if he wants to be your neighbor, let us double you throw him and whatnot. And I interpreted this to be the result of my staccato, okay, because he was eager. We were eager, everything was fine. It was literally after this taharah he calls up and he apologizes profusely because anything I do make it up. If other apartments go No, we like this one follows End of story. So panela, within two days, walking distance from our first apartment, we saw the second apartment that we fell in love with even better than the first one that we saw. And we moved into
that apartment. And we lived there for the next five years. My second son and my first daughter were born in that one and then we moved back to America. So we lived in that apartment till we left. So So how to load that's what I'm trying to say. When I pray this the Hata My heart was totally with that apartment. I wanted it. I wanted that apartment. But that's the point. I made dua to Allah that Oh Allah, if this is better for me write it for me. And if not turn it away from me. And what happened? It was turned away. And we got a much better apartment for a better deal. Walking distance from the bottom. Sometimes we could walk there, sometimes we take the car, what better Did you want
so Pinilla, right? So that's what I'm trying to say. So that is the hora is not some dream, or some personal intuition, or you have to have some neutrality and not lean towards one way. So how to let us be honest here. If I'm giving a hypothetical example, if Google company, you know, getting hypothetical is not a free plug for Google gave you a job offer for I don't know, a six digit salary with perks and free pizzas every day. I don't know what it is, you know, Google companies have all these perks, and you had no other offer. Don't you think your heart would be inclined towards that company? Of course it will. So if you were to practice the harp, with your heart inclined towards
the company, no problem, pray it, but you should pray it. Even if you're certain you want it. Go ahead and pray it because you never know something might happen and come in the way and something better will then be given to you. So praise the heart, make your decision, whatever it is, even if you're vacillating. Even if you're unsure our sister says she's pretty staccato, she's still unsure. So then go ahead, make up your mind one of the two based upon what your parents say what your loved one say based upon your whatever you choose whatever factors and guess what, if your decision was wrong, a lunch Allah azza wa jal, Allah Xhosa will maneuver the world around you so that you choose
the right decision. And if your decision was right, doors will continue to open up. And this is something that our classical scholars mentioned. Even in others, they mentioned this type of reality, you praise the harder you have sincerity, you have your clean you have tawakkol Allah says in the Quran for either assumpta photowalk Allah once you make a decision how long this will do it and put your trust in Allah. That's what so that that is the harder comes. Now. Another issue we have talked about when it comes to hora, and I had somebody come up to me assistant came up to me some years ago, very confused. She said she, you know, I pray this to her at the time of marriage.
But now, my husband's divorcing after five, six years or whatever, and you know, I knew the family. So you know, I don't understand. I felt good you know, we we did this the hora and now my marriage is ending. How come? So our dear sister felt that by praying is the hora basically she's signing up to a foolproof Yanni Mashallah 100% you know, Money Back Guarantee basically right, as we say in English, right? That no problem, no issue, that everything is going to be rosy. And again, that's not understanding the philosophy of is the horror. And I said to the sister that, you know, she had an afro got two or three charts said these beautiful children that you have. Would you rather go
back in time and not have a marriage and no children? Or would you rather harmless Okay, it's it's ending, but now you have these beautiful children? And she goes, No, no, of course they're worth the whole world. They're worth everything. I said hello. So there's there's 200 right there. That's it right there is the hora does not mean that whatever you do is not going to be painful in some aspect of it. So if that were the case, then this whole world you press too hard to be for every decision. No, this world is a world of trial. This world is a world of tribulation. This world is a world of pain and suffering. Everything that you love.
will also come back to hurt you. If it's related to this world only the love of Allah and the love of the Koran and the love of the Prophet system will never ever, ever harm you in any way. But the love of any created objectivity. Tamia says you love money you love your spouse you love your children, they're very object of your love will also give you some pain and we all know this. That's the reality right? Love of the moonwalk will always have a little bit of pain as well. The goal is that there's more love than pain, love of the heart. And related to the heart of is nothing but good. So anyway, point being our dear sister misunderstood and I hope none of you misunderstands
praying is the heart of does not mean before marriage, that you're never going to have a divorce, that the marriage is going to be my shoulder to botica Cloud Nine honeymoon phase till you die. I know who said that. Praying is too hard on means getting married was better for you than remaining single Simple as that. It's the better of the two options. And if that marriage ends, for whatever reason, it was still better for you to have done that. And to have gone through that experience, then to not have done it. That's what is the harder means. And that's an important point that we need to realize that is the harder means it is the better of the two alternatives. Not that that
alternative is going to be pain free and a piece of gender. Now, one one final point before we conclude it's all tied up. And that is that. Okay, how do I get asked this question a lot as well?
How do I know that doors are being shut? When they're not fully shut? Like there's one thing fully shut? For example, you apply to a job and you're interested you press the harder they reply back? Sorry, you're rejected. Okay, or you didn't get the job or you propose? And the family for whatever reason says, We're not interested. Thank you. But you know, thanks. But no, thanks a lot, that door is shut. Okay, you know that there's nothing you can do? How about if it's not fully shut? How about if it's still in limbo? And you're not sure? Well, is that a yes or no, from Eliza? Would the response you may continue to praise the car and continue to try as long as your heart is inclined to
do so. And there is a logistical opportunity, simple example, that you propose for a family again, being realistic example realistic scenario. And for whatever reason the father to be or the father of the the the the lady says that, you know, or even somebody else doesn't have to be like, well, we're not interested right now. Okay. Or he puts an unreasonable condition, which is still reasonable in his paradigm, your salary is this and this when you get to the higher salary, then we will consider, by the way, some kind of law I mean, that's not a very Islamic reason, by the way, because some kind of law and religion are far more precious than any money in this world, to find a
young man upon religion, and upon Dean, and upon Good luck is priceless. To find a man that has millions, but doesn't have any horseshoe and taco and fear of Allah and good manners of what use is that millions. But anyway, I'm just giving an example that suppose the father in law says Now, let's not say millions, let's be realistic. Let's say that the the young man is still in college, let's be realistic. And the father says, You know what, I might be interested, but you have to have a roof over your head. That's a reasonable condition. Now, he's not asking you for billions. Now he's asking, you're marrying my daughter. I mean, you have to have a reasonable apartment, you have to
have a decent place. That's a reasonable condition, right? That's not unreasonable. Now, the young man might misinterpret Oh, is this a shutting of the door? is Allah telling me it's not going to happen? In this case? We say that no, as long as there's a possibility, you may continue to graze the harder and you may continue to pursue and perhaps a time will come when your heart itself says you know what, okay, maybe it's best I move on. And at that stage, you can move on as well. My point is that it is not a problem to continue to make do are to continue to push the harder and try as long as there's a reasonable option. Obviously, if the young lady you're interested in happens to
get married, then obviously, there is no as the car that they're okay, but there's a lot of value except the last other she married somebody else, okay. I'm not, you know, nothing can be done about that. Bottom line is that is the horror and attempting to get to your goal may be done as long as there is a reasonable goal. And when that goal is completely shut and it is gone, then you accept the loss. And you move on from that. And I'll conclude by ahaadeeth in Sweden attending MIDI, which humanitarian the calls vary, but the the concept is valid that the prophets of the Lahore cinemas reported to have said that of the happiness of the son of Adam, is his is the hora with Allah
subhanho wa Taala and of the happiness of the son of Adam, is that he is content with what Allah has decreed, and of the unfortunate sadness of the son of Adam is that he leaves his the harbor and have the misfortune of the Son of God
them is that he is not happy at what Allah has decreed for him and they've had it so to praise the hotter will make you happy and to leave us the harder will make you sad. I advise myself and all of you to always praise to harder for every major decision of your life anything that is significant change in your house investing moving you do doing a different job, you know, marriage or anything of a major issue that will impact you then and you know, what is a major issue then pray to the conference of Allah subhana wa tada say do out is the heart of from the heart, raise your hands up to Allah subhana wa Tada. Now you know what it means I summarized it and translated it for you say
it from the heart, and then Bismillah Make up your mind and go for it. And if it is written for you, Allah will open doors, and you will find it easy. And if it's not written for you, a phone call will come out of nowhere and simply say, Thanks, but no thanks. And then you will accept that either have a look and move on to another opportunity, realizing that that opportunity will be better for you charlo we'll see you next Tuesday. Until then, good luck, Kamala Harris and I want to wind obala cash