Divorcing With Goodness
Channel: Waleed Basyouni
File Size: 97.31MB
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
But I want to let everyone welcome to the probably the final webinar in this amazing series that we've been having on topics around love marriage, and, you know, hello, interactions with the opposite gender and relationships in Islam. My name is Hafsa I am your host, and I'm very excited to be in this final iteration of this series with Sheikh Ali, this uni. Of course, this is sponsored by his course on the fear of love on another adult online, we've been tackling a lot of these complicated challenges when it comes to making the right choices at every stage of you know, looking for a spouse, finding someone getting married, dealing with the challenges of marriage, maintaining
a healthy marriage for a long time. And then of course, tackling issues around divorce. And, you know, the the the difficulty that we've experienced as a community around that topic specifically. Now a lot of you may have attended or been following along with some of the conversations that we've been having like Instagram and YouTube and Facebook, some of the exciting topics and posts that we've been making just like look over your contributions, please do say your salaams right now, if you had been also keeping up with us in the webinars, let us know where you're coming in from and if you've been attending all the previous sessions as he had you guys with us Robin, Hydra and Zhi Shan
Welcome, welcome, welcome to all of you. Let us know where you're coming in from and please do share this stream in your whatsapp groups, in your telegram groups in every single format that you can that will benefit others. I know this has been such a soulless and so you know beneficial for people to be to see this content being discussed in a healthy and emotionally intelligent manner manner by our leading geopier amalgam Institute, and specifically by Shefali bassoon Al Hamdulillah, the teacher of our course. Toronto representing through Catherine Toronto, Ontario Tanya welcome from LA. I have Mansoor al I missed it the name sorry it's gone up and it's mine welcome welcome welcome
Nigeria in the house friends in the house. It is lovely to have you guys back with us as recognized some familiar names some of you mashallah who've already registered for the course of love on a mother of online which is closing actually in just a couple of short days. But we've been really enjoying having you guys with us and we've been enjoying also starting this conversation and giving you guys the opportunity to contribute as well. Of course if you have a lot more questions if you want to dive deeper into these topics around Hello love and relationships marriage in Islam please make sure that you are checking out the thick of love which actually presented today we're getting
we're talking we're tackling a topic that we don't ever get enough time to go through properly divorcing with goodness with shift will lead this unit is going to tackle how to do how to manage this difficult period when a relationship breaks down when you know all hope is lost of kind of reviving or preserving a relationship how to do it in the best way that protects the emotions the feelings and the respect of all the parties involved. I want to bring Jeff believe this unit on so that we can get this conversation started as cinematic and what happens Alicia How are you doing today? Wow I was going to lie about my cattle I'm doing great I'm they're having me and thank you
everyone for joining the session
a it's tough top today I'll be honest with you you know
talk about divorce
especially talk about of love you know
brutally inshallah Allah we get to know that sometimes
divorce I think some times in many cases you can keep that love first doesn't need necessarily to be out of date but out of the life it could be more or for whatever reason and
something shall hopefully we can touch upon today
what's divorce is
it it's for me it's divorce chance for you to find another Bible somebody better you know
are live in Charlotte
sorry Joey looks like your audio is cutting a little bit in and out. It was clear in the beginning but it seems like it's cutting just a bit I don't know.
What can I do? Okay, I'll give you a second insha Allah just to have a look at that it's better
it is good that the camera I think has switched around so we don't see you right now we see the screen
let me just see if you guys let me know as well sometimes it's just my end acting up but right now what I see is I don't see the shift right now I see
no shift I right now at the cameras isn't facing towards you at the moment.
It's facing towards the
I say that. But how would you
let me Oh,
we got to hear back
Okay, hamdulillah Okay, now, yes, there is still.
Yeah, there's still a little bit of lag that's causing the sound to break. I don't know if there's something that can be done we started off completely. Something just came up in the middle there. Does that closer to those who are
keep speaking for just a little bit better. Still still cutting still a little bit.
Maybe we can try
Is it better? Okay, I think it's a tad bit better right now. You guys can let us know in the chat if there's any continuing issues, but I think this should be good to continue share.
Yeah, well, we'll see in the chat as well.
It's not it's not there's just a bit of lag. So people are seeing something that happened 30 seconds ago. All right, Miss Avila. Let's go back to the talk.
So, I was saying earlier, that when it comes to divorce, sometimes we need to change the
way we look at divorce and hamdulillah luckily have everything.
I know it's not an easy thing to happen to somebody.
And I also see it as an opportunity for you to find a new venture and live a new
opportunity for anyone who cannot understand you and a better life and
yet have them in public. If they are separated alasa hand over to Anna and I for both of them. Allah subhana wa, tada promised Subhan
and Otara. And if they choose to separate, were easier to follow on 30
last part, Alison, Allah will
make both independent and free. Out of his his bounty and out of it, his generosity and his
that will unwise Subhana wa Tada.
So there is a great wisdom
behind this rule, which is divorce.
Divorce happen in my there is a chapter. It's called marriage. So
we're breaking up again a little bit, unfortunately, it's getting a little bit worse. Is there another audio source that we can switch to by any chance?
And while the chef is just adjusting the audio to make sure that you guys have the best listening experience, I do encourage you guys to check out the course that has been making this topic possible in this conversation possible, which is the topic of love, taught by Shefali bisutti But contributed by sister sorrow soltana, a licensed mental health counselor as well as Olivia lawyers and mashallah other mental health and, you know, cycle psychologists and counselors as well involved in the curation of this course, to make sure that we tackle this from all aspects because trying to look for, you know, a spouse in these challenging lands, bakes landscapes, handle the issues and
difficulties of marriage in a modern context. And the issues of divorce is not something that we can just be handled by just the FICKY or the or the or the kind of Islamic standpoint, it's got to be a holistic approach. And we tried to make sure we did that justice to that in this course of handle. We've been getting such amazing feedback from the students who've been taking advantage of and registering for the class, mashallah, there's 100 lessons in the class itself and over 20 hours of content. So there's something for everybody, we get questions a lot, you know, is this good for someone who's not married? Is this good for someone who's divorced? Is this good for someone who's
widowed? Is this good for someone who's, you know, getting remarried, etc, etc. All of the above is applicable because we handle all the healthy aspects of building a strong foundation and a healthy relationship according to an Islamic foundation and framework. So I hope that you guys get a chance to check it out. There's only two days left for you to register for the class. And we actually have our first live q&a session that is private for the students of the class with Shefali happening tomorrow at 3pm PST so you do not want to miss out on that because that will be your first opportunity start asking questions in a private context. And those q&a sessions are just for the
purpose of of you guys getting your questions answered about the difficult situations that come up in marriage and divorce. And I think Schiff is back with us as Santa Monica went off the ledge. How are you? Are you almost Sonoma cola?
Can you hear me doing
this? Can you hear me? Is it clear? Yes, it sounds good. Everyone, let us know in the chat. I'm just gonna
give a chance for everyone to pick up in the chat as well and just clarify that they can hear you clearly share you can keep talking in sha Allah and let
in the class there is a chapter about marriage, SOS and this is when there is a claim
between husband and wife.
You know, yes in marriage is basically go through ups and downs and not every ups
and downs in marriage. Marriage is yes, is about robbing a hablan I mean as to Arjuna overreact in Surah Furqan
it's about a marital life that is full of tranquility at Mercy.
Well, Giada Vina Kumala that
Baraka may have made between both of you love and peace and check quality
quantity, yes love second
law she is like
a second our place where you face protected relax
yourself, someone that you just not can live can live without. Yes, this is the ultimate ml job. And this this moment
can be exist during them
and must be exist during the marriage This is certainly means that in every single month, every single day, things goes ups and downs.
But in the end of the day, overall, this marriage, it's so good as Allah subhanaw taala has said Rob better at in dunya has dunya has an what's Mohammed bin capital Cora they said it
means a good spouse and off the dunya Yes, it is one of the best things in life is to have a good spouse
who Salam said a man cannot have anything more treasure than that's better than any job any money anything.
We as men go outside to be whatever whatever are we seeking out? The best thing actually is to seek can relate to you can connect with you can spend the rest of your life
well then Mubarak or him or hula and Abdullah Abdullah Mubarak had an immune minion for hadith of Hadith Rahim Allah.
Allah to Allah is the same. He was like,
same level of chatter email la Matic just
for you to understand what kind of person we talked about in the zoo in he had a fight and he was
looks like afterwards they finished the battle. So he's sitting with him. But then he told them and told him the students are tired, I'm gonna mln Afghan nothing that is better. Or somebody's now doing something better than what
we're doing. Remember what they are doing is they are in the army fighting
I don't think so. That's the best thing you can do is to go up Allah. He said that I know someone who's doing something better than what we're doing right now. Everybody looked at him would it would be that push that person?
Colorado metafiction do it.
I mean, the lady Fernanda Illa, Serbia and in Yemen with Turkish Shafi cetera Ahmad, someone Allah has blessed him with a
family and children. And in the middle of the night, you will go to his children uncovered and you will cover them and protect them.
Such personally is an he is greater than us.
And, and there is meaning you being with your
family and your and I'm saying this in the beginning. So we can very well the problem that comes with marriage when it doesn't have an accent, when there is no good because we don't value the thing that we are.
And you know that the marriage that
regardless of how good the relationship or not
the marriage into Forscher it's a great a bad it's something that Allah subhanho wa Taala rightly, that's why
one of the scholar when somebody complained to him about his wife
and he said I wasted let the language use.
I wasted all my money. He said he did. She said she took all my money.
And she mentioned she doesn't love me. She tricked me back
and he start complaining so the chef told him and he's one of the scholars
Allah subhanaw taala loves you Allah's practicality word for you for this relationship and he said as a you
Do you love her? Is it I love her so much but she doesn't love me Would you care to continue the relationship is it I would love to
win would I love me as much as I love her? He said yes
you can consider her her chemic anything of this dunya that you enjoy even if it doesn't love you back using it and he's still enjoying it in
other words you said look at for example money to but you love money and you use money and you can you want to have it same thing with
any type of joy in the dunya in other words, the chef was telling this young man and we live together as long as
you can maintain that you can continue in the relationship constantly
I'm so sorry about the audio breaking has gone come back and it's gotten worse and we can't seem to look at the issue
try it we'll do that
let me change the setup Bismillah let's give it another go and alleges iClicker to everyone who's been incredible patients mashallah in the chat How about now
um, let's speak for about a minute shift and let's see if it comes back it seems to be fine in the beginning and then it comes back with a vengeance if anyone has a question really quickly that you'd like to answer that you've been or Jen that you want to share in the chat please feel free to do so. And we'll we'll take a moment because we don't want to lose any of your amazing content shift before we
so divorce happened is some people's divorce happened a week
or problem was started rising I do believe arguments and this be avoided in America relationship but destructive watch can it's all breaking still breaking. Yes unfortunately. Setup
worst case scenario one of my great friends Masha Allah and mentors sister Rosa did this one time we did the the phone situation we might be able to do that.
I have another backup for it. We can try it.
let's see what can you speak for about 1015
Yes, agreement cannot be avoided American relationships. But it's still cutting.
It's still cutting out right now. So let
me switch to my
my computer maybe that will be better.
Bismillah given Insha Allah, just like a look here to all of you who are gaining a job with us, masha Allah, making sure that you're staying patients as we try to get the audio perfect for you and that so that you don't miss out on any gems, or any content.
Okay, no problem, Chef, we'll see you back in just a second Alhamdulillah one of the perks of having or taking or registering an emigrant before and another of online class is that all the classes are professionally recorded in a studio, set up with a local audience as well. So you get a chance to, first of all benefit from the professional recording. And then second of all, break down every single topic that you learn into lessons, I've been actually listening to the thick of love myself almost daily at hamdulillah because there's so much great content and there's so many interesting titles and information that have kept me on the hook as I go through the modules myself. So so far,
we have six modules on the course already with 50 Something lessons mashallah and half of the course is still coming. Students who are registered already at a margarita online are binging the modules commenting and benefiting and enjoying, we start with the module on the foundations of love, then we have preparing for marriage, then we have the engagement period, marriage itself, wedding, marital life, and so much more coming soon. Some of my favorites, if you guys I see some students who are already registered. Mashallah, in the chat, were saying there that they've benefited so much from the class already. So does that look or let us know what you enjoyed the most, I just really
benefited from the amount of content that there was, you know, on all the specifics on including family on the offer of marriage and acceptance on marrying more than one wife on you know, marrying the People of the Book, marriage contract or not the MaHA qualifications of a wealthy there's so much specificity in this class to make sure there's there's no stone left unturned and that there's justice done to every aspect of the process, and that there's answers to all the questions that you might have, that you kind of panic about last minute or that might get overlooked. And this kind of season of life. I'd have the data. I see the shift is just reconnecting. So just give it a second.
Alhamdulillah I see that he's coming back with us GIF
already and I see a couple of good
and I can see you let's make sure there's no breaking again. We'll let you talk for 15 seconds and then we'll continue to split up so that our medical okay
why now? Is it better?
I think it's a little okay keep going Jeff, can you talk for 10 seconds and then we'll we'll check on it
so we're talking about how the miracle is
some thing that we
understand that and sometimes this cannot be avoided these disagreements
argument but definitely the productive one can be and
also because of that
religiously something called a slot husband in life when when damage happen for battle hacking.
The audio coming up, right? Yeah, it's still breaking.
Should we try it? Is
is to use my
cuz I can live here for suggestions in the chat somehow. Yes, this live session is going to be recording recorded and we are we have explored some of the other options that are causing it. No.
Which one? Okay, let's try it for 10 seconds. Jeff Bismillah.
So last month
for us to better between
them one from her family family to keep things sorry, inside the family style now it's still breaking up. Yeah.
Think shift, let's give it a go. Let's try to do the phone call option and see if that might that might
just the internet maybe Pop Up Now is it
there's a better
there's a bit of a leg, it's still breaking a little bit. Let's try for 10 seconds and see how it goes inshallah.
So what I'm like as that is, here, let's see, test step. Keep it keep going. Keep keep going for.
Yeah, so what I'm thinking is to bring data from from both families to keep things inside the family, and not to be exposed to a stranger.
In modern days,
the concept of having a mediator and her family, Hispanic family can be used. There's no wise person if there's no
family members, nobody with knowledge and wisdom to do that you can always seek help with outside like an imam.
Or you can start a problem.
It's not as it's not as bad as before, but it's still breaking up considerably. So like we miss out on a couple of words here and there. And you don't want to miss out to get the full picture.
I'm trying to figure out what will be
what is different than do anything different than we had everything goes very smoothly at Hamlin last time. Does that look fair? To everyone who?
I am? Yes. I have
I can hear a bit of an echo with my voice as well.
I have I have my laptop?
Open? You can see it. Can you open it up? See if I can get the camera working.
On your laptop sign? Yes. Let me see this message. Just make sure you muted your audio is and then just want to make sure.
There we go. Let's give that a go.
Already everyone does actually live here. I saw a couple of questions that came in a little bit earlier in the chat as well. So I'm going to see if we can pull them up. Please make sure your question has a little bit of context but it doesn't have too many personal details because it's something that in a smaller q&a session like this, we don't get a chance to go deep dive into heavier questions. If you do have a lot that you want to ask a lot that you want to clarify. I do highly recommend that you register for the thick of love course which I believe this evening we have five q&a sessions there at
Three with a shift. Usually we always add on a million more to make sure that there's not a single question asked in the course that's left unanswered and then we have two q&a sessions with CSRF. So Don, who is our major contributor for this course mashallah she has a lot of really beneficial modules on the psychology and the kind of the balance of a holistic relationship and Masha Allah she's doing a two Q and A's with you guys as well. You may have been here for our webinar a couple of weeks ago with her and hopefully you guys benefited from that as well in sha Allah. And just like Allah Farah again, mashallah, for everyone's positivity, and your patience in the chat and your
kindness, I love how this is kind of a team effort that we're all working on because we don't want to lose out on any of these gems and the benefit of this program such as iClicker to all of you who have had such an amazing attitude bashall in the chat, it's nice to be part of this community that's super positive. And that's, you know, contributing everyone's kind of giving their own kind of suggestions and thinking of ways to make the session easier and mashallah, you guys were born with us for a very long time. So just like a fair for all of that. If you have any questions that are specific, again to the class or to today's topic, from now on, please hold off to the very end,
we're going to try to ask some questions to the chef at the end if we have time. And if we don't manage to squeeze in a q&a portion of this session. Inshallah once again, we have our first q&a for the class happening tomorrow. Even if you just register today you have no time to watch any of the modules. The modules themselves are lifetime access, you can always come back to them whenever your life allows for it to whenever your schedule allows for it inshallah as well but you can still benefit from the lifetime access to the q&a sessions and the amazing community in the class as well. Does that go okay, well good for your positivity and everyone else Masha Allah, um you know, you're
not late to Hamdulillah we still have a lot to cover and we're just taking a little bit of an a bit of a pause and try to come back online, so you know what we'll do guys Inshallah, give us one second. Just because we don't want to miss this is such a beneficial topic and you don't want to miss out on getting the full quality of the live recording what we'll do is we'll stop the recording for now. So does that look her apologies for any inconvenience to those who have been listening we'll try to restart the recording we'll check on any of the audio concerns and restart it so that we can start from the beginning and make sure that all of you guys are able to catch every bit of
content with the shift so a huge apologies for the inconvenience that was caused thank you to everyone who stuck around all the way to this point inshallah we will be back ideally, inshallah shortly just to check on everything. Make sure that it's good to go once again, and then restart this live. So just stay on our Facebook and YouTube pages that are Mulgrave Institute or chef Polly's Facebook page, and we'll be back with you shortly. All I do see the chef is with us one second. Before, before everyone drops off. Shake I was gonna tell people to rejoin but I see that you're back. Let's try. Do we have a different setup right now?
Oh, I can't hear you right now. Chef, we see you at hamdulillah clearly
just as you're making the adjustments in sha Allah as well, to those who are asking for specific specific questions around that and divorce and whatnot, there's actually huge sections and modules in the course that are covering those specific areas. So in sha Allah if you have a simple question when it comes to those timeframes and the number of divorces and those kinds of things, inshallah you will find all that content is already in the class so it'll be covered in a lot more detail as well there. Schiff, I see that you are still connected. Can you hear me clearly?
We can't hear you at the moment.
perfect. No, sorry. We still can't hear you just yet.
Not Not yet.
Okay. All right, guys. So we're gonna try to do some troubleshooting. We'll go offline so that you guys don't have to wait for us to sort that out in sha Allah, at least on the in the session, and we will come back in just a little bit to make sure that everything's good to go. And that you guys can benefit from the topic. It's a beautiful topic, divorcing with goodness is something that our community needs to hear, especially with the increase in divorce rates that we're hearing about in the community. Shift. I see that you have rejoined Can you hear us now? I can hear you. Okay, I can we can hear you as well. So that's an improvement. Let's just see if there's any lag at all.
I'm doing now so I have to set them off. So.
Okay, you go chef Bismillah. Okay.
So, earlier I was talking about the issue of, you know, try to reconsider in between rush into
divorce, but sometimes you
succeed and sometimes you don't succeed. But it's important before we go into
a divorce with goodness with axon, is to try to reconsolidate because even if we don't succeed, we reduce the amount of tension by bringing peace into the couples live in between the husband and wife before separation taking place. And no doubt that every time we follow what Allah and His Messenger SallAllahu Sallam told us that's bring baraka to our work at one time in Ibiza, so I'm keen to help him out. He heard that from a lot of the Alana had some tension between her and her husband earlier of the plotline. And he came to her and he found her by herself. And then this is the time when I usually go back home and take a nap. When he's not home. And she's upset and she's worried. She
upset at him, you know, there's tension to the extent that he left the house.
Then in a piece of solid I'm told her pain of No, I'm Mickey, what is your cousin? I thought is so intelligent, so smart, so nice, that he didn't say what is your husband because he knows she's angry. You might, you know, angry at him now as a husband, but reminding her that he's not only your husband, he's also your cousin. He's like a brother to you. Now this is also another tie between you and him.
Then she said, we had some fight, he got angry and he left and he didn't say where he's going. Then in Nabi SallAllahu, alayhi wa sallam said, Okay, it'd be tough on him, he himself went looking for him. What a father, a father's role in his daughters and son's life will be also tried to help them. He didn't immediately or he didn't take her side and said, you know, what, how dare he do this to my daughter? How dare he do that? No. He said, Okay, let me go see
what I can do, I find him help you. And he went, and he started looking for him. And he found out you know, the Allahu Anhu Allah and the mustard laying down, and he's laying down on the mustard, pour it, you know, and his side, the side of his body was not covered with any clothes, but it was covered with dust with sand, because it's a it's a sandy flora and the rest. So nobody saw Salam came to Mali asleep. And he started moving that sand from his side. And he said Camilla about tore up, Camilla about Tara, wake up a bootstrap, a Bucha. Rob It kind of nickname because he's all covered with dust. Okay. And I don't know the Allah, Allah. Allah is my witness that this word that
he said, and him touching my body and cleaning my sight is more beloved to me than anything else. And this became the best nickname that I ever had. And the best thing you call me when I will talk, because it'd be so solid was joking with me. When he said that. Then he said, Go back to your wife.
Go back to your wife. And yeah, and she's ready for you kind of. And I literally, like immediately went and he went back to Fatima. And things went well. It's hardly any it is. So sometimes it works. You know. And that's what a solution can can be reached. Sometimes it's not. But ILA for the Allah and she was a slave woman. And she was married to her husband, Maria was a slave to very era, she made a deal with it. Anyway, she freed herself, she became a free woman. And when she became a free woman, she has the choice to continue in her marriage, or she, you know, dissolve the marriage between her and her husband. And she choose to dissolve the marriage. She doesn't want to continue
as a wife with him anymore. So movies loved her so much, and that his children, but whatever is between them, reached a level that she cannot live with him anymore. reached a breaking point.
He used Can you imagine that? He used to run after like walk after her in the market, trying to hold to hold her, you know, the tip of her CMR or a scar? Holding it hurt. You said, Yeah, but you're I'm your cousin. I am your husband, the father of your children. Just look at me. Just give me another chance. Let's just try it. And she said
I should keep going back to the process of immuno Soma. Look at how these two
they became the story of Medina. It's a public displaying that, you know, disagreement like this and public. Then in that piece of Song said Yeah, better. Yeah. Why didn't you
Look at your you know your excellently movie still your cousin related to you?
You weren't earning any Why did you go back to him just any of the even the process of them surprise? Then she'd be also like, are you ordering me if you do, I will go back to him.
But if you just interceding
just wondering, and just recommending or something that kind of shatter into your intercessor trying to make a mediator or a peacemaker between us. He said, Yeah, that's it. I'm not ordering you. Then she's either deemed him
Canada has a body and the heavy kind of landed the leafy.
Sometimes it reached a point that I can whatever the reason is
Americana, he divorced Americana.
Then he married a woman from Xena, a tribe called muzzin.
And after a short period of time, that new wife came to the prophets of Salaam.
And she said, Yeah, also Allah, and she took one of her hair, you know, her hair, one hear from her? And she said, Yeah, so like, This man has nothing. Whatever is yours, it's like this hair.
Oh, my God, what a shame. And even so the Sahaba and he felt like she, she's to
it explicit by saying that, but she is suffering.
I can't live with a man like that, no matter how nice Yes. You know, there is no sexual relationship with us.
Then maybe someone has that he's he. He's separating them from each other. They get so angry, because he's such a very, you know,
very harsh statement. And I claim it could be true or whatever it is, you know, and he got angry. So some coffee has helped me a ton. And he said, wasn't he married before and he has children. So this woman what she's talking about, like he was married now children before and anyway and then go back to your first wife. She's happy with you. Whatever this new Ivan's is not happy, but she has a reason for not to continue the marriage. My point is
there is certain point that reach in a marriage were leaving each other as the right way. fabric in place his wife came to the process on him and she said yes or Allah forbid. I have nothing against him. When it comes to his manners, his character when it comes to his Deen, but I can't I can't live this anymore.
That will do I can't I can't stand him.
He might be the nicest person but he's the worst match for me.
And incident magic Cutler otaku Boulevard I hate him so much. And it's something racist because I fear Allah will lie when he walked into my house and walk into my room and approach me. I almost like spit on his face. Yeah, and oh throw up like, odd like my stomach hurts.
That shows how tense that like dislike, and can't live like that.
Some twin live reached to a level of that breaking point. It's not healthy at all to stay with each other.
Then the excess cost. That's it, give her back her mouth. Or give him back his mouth and leave him
it's so interesting.
The amount of verses in the Quran that speak about how important to live in goodness, but also to separate from each other and to leave each other were gracious with even excellency.
Up pada uma water Neva insert goon Bhima off withholding with kindness
out of three
or dismissed with kindness and goodness with excellency.
Even so even when you let someone go when you break this marriage, it should be with excellency not just a good man with excellent manner. Why either by law or to move either on law sort of battle. The previous one is sort of this one is sort of non seeking to 31 Why either luck or to moon is
sicko nappy mouth. I will salary Hoon Nabi Mo,
withhold them again, you know, retain them in goodness
and goodness or let them or send them away any divorcing loved definition and demerit in a credible manner
in a good manner.
One even more political team
help on our team and for the divorce woman also a provision Amitabh something that provision that should be made in a fair and equitable manner
according to what is commonly good, known as good and this is an obligation
binding on the meter in the people of Taqwa Allah says in the Quran also. Yeah, you are loving them and only then to moon means the thumb up and up to move on. If you married, as this interesting person has said, If you marry a believing woman and divorce them before the marriage
then it's not even there is no history before the marriage before the consummation of the marriage mean cobbly and Thomas soon kumana in dating Tata buena, fermenting wizardry Hoon s are often jameelah Allah Akbar the marriage is not consumed yet he said, You have no period to count against them, provide for them and release them kindly.
Release them kindly.
There's a kindness even when there is not even Allah. History between us. How about have we been married for 1015 years? How about not only this is one that marriage is not considered
considered can never contain them. It can mean the marriage or they never lived together. The consummation that didn't take place. What about those who have children?
Almost had that I said,
Well, I'm down for alcohol only Darko.
So wonderful bla bla you know,
in law Habima dot man Munna we'll see Wellsley feel free if you divorce them before you touch them. And you have already decided a Maha dowry for them.
Okay, half of that amount goes to her half goes to you. Unless you as a husband, say, You know what, I don't want anything you can keep it. Or she as a wife will say, You know what, I don't want anything from you. You can take back all your dowry.
And if you forgive, it's much better up probably closer to the taco. And if you insist, if you insist, you take how she takes off. And Allah Subhana Allah said, what items that will fall blobby Nachum
don't choose the lesser no good. Be the upper hand be the better one.
If you can do which is
Shift I think we just lost your connection or your camera Bismillah I just want to make sure it's not just on my end if anyone else is having the same problem, please do let us know inshallah We'll I'm sure we'll have the chef back with us in just a short bit. And as soon as we can hear his audio again, we'll reconnect him in sha Allah. Some amazing, amazing
questions coming in so far in the chat. I see some people asking
some questions that were sent even to me that were saved over the social media Banner as well. Let me see this minute. I see. Schiff is with us. Jeff, can you hear us? I can hear you. Can you hear me? Yes, hello, we can hear you. Let's bring you back. Okay, so
here we say if we look at many verses in the Quran, speaking about all these verses talking about that, leaving each other with goodness leaving each other with goodness, sometimes things can can go very,
very aggressive in the time of divorce.
And that can happen you know, in the time Wow. I've never seen piano the alarm on when he was the
Khalifa what was the leader?
I think when he was the Khalifa I will so it was with him he will have his friends and the people who said with his wife, I would ask his wife came to complain
and about her husband and both went to the machine to judge between them.
Okay. And she said, Yeah, I mean, I mean,
this man is is untrusted person.
And he divorced me. And he doesn't fear Allah.
She said, Who are you talking about?
This is this man next year. I will.
Then he looked at me said, what this woman say.
He said, as what she said about me divorcing her. It's true.
As I divorced her for what are not because she cheated on me or she's bad woman or anything like that. But I don't care for living with her anymore. She's always complaining. She is not good to my parents, my family. She always harmed me with her tongue. If I do any good to her, she will bury it. And if I do anything bad, she will announce it to the whole world.
Her husband is tired from keeping up with her. What she means himself.
Then she like she said, Well, LAHIA meaning the whole Jehol mill have Shahir female buff BIFA who are gently hula left me the mouth on what I when I arrived you have? She said what Allah He is the ignorant one. He is so pushy. He is so stingy. Even when a guest comes to his house. The guests and the guests will go sleep hungry. He never give food to his neighbors. He never take care of his families and people don't seek Him for protection, because he never care about others. Oh my god, do you see how ugly it is?
That he said you know what, just stay away from me. And he grabbed his child. His son isn't skipping my son and go away. Woman. All this in front of more hours of your life.
Then more I said hold on, hold on. Don't Don't grab the child like that. Don't involve him in the middle. This is why I'm in I'm in. This is my son. I carried him before she carried him. I delivered him to her.
If you know what he mean, Jani, he said he comes from my sperm from my jeans. Okay, as if it's Biden's jeans only on bass and sperm. And they said I delivered that to her. Then she became pregnant. Then she said what? You carry them when they when there was no weight. And I carried him so heavy.
Can one Toba you deliver it to me out of lust and I delivered him out of Kudarat out of hardship. How can you compare that to
my love was his bed
my womb was his place to sleep. My breast is his where I used to feed him and basically provide drink for him. What are you talking about?
Do you see how the conflict is like like rich sometimes it happened the past there's even examples worse than that and better than that, but I understand and reality this can happen and we're out of the line of calm them down and he said the child is yours. Use he stays with you.
But what I would like to say and because of all the time that we lost I have two points to cover before I open the floor for you guys
what it means to leave each other in goodness
Well, that means you know
that we end the marriage according to the way of our Islamic law
as we marry each other's
Salah inshallah Chifley back with us in just one second, just like with her to everyone who's bearing with us. And please do get your questions ready for the q&a portion of today's session. We have some questions that were submitted earlier that have been saved by our amazing social media support insha Allah so inshallah
We will be taking as many questions as we can from the q&a, from the chat for the q&a. And then if there is, obviously there won't be as much opportunity to get everyone's questions in. If you have anything left over, you are welcome to, once again, join the course and submit as many questions as your heart desires to the portal there and get them answered by the chef tomorrow, we will be having a dedicated one hour long plus, usually our q&a sessions go longer and have those equity. With chef we will have a dedicated session tomorrow inshallah. Yes, the session, the connection has been lost briefly. But we will be trying to get the shift back on in a minute. And I think I heard a sound
that's very promising. So I think that's the shift. Are you joining us as set on one equal flush? Can you hear us?
Yes, I can hear you. Okay, we have you back.
Okay, so, first point in regard to how this divorce or breaking the marriage relationship to be done according with axon, it's basically is to make sure that it's done according to the Sharia, as marriage has rules to be fulfilled in order for it to be valid divorce as well. That's why in Islam, there's two types of divorce divorce, according to the subnet and divorce, which has been done, the divorce, which has been done, it is by the consensus of all the Muslim jurist, it is a divorce that is haram and it's sin and is not allowed, and a person is not allowed to all them and I'm all over. The scholars agree on that. And this has to be very clear. That's a sin that required repentance.
The differ and the there is a dispute between them if it's valid or not valid. Is it count as one divorce or not? Is it counted, but all of them agreed that this is haram and is not allowed to be done?
What's the palapa vide topless today and there's more details on the course about this is one, one of the format is to divorce the wife while she has her period or to divorce her Okay, after
having a sexual relationship and intercourse, since she finished her period, okay, or to divorce her three times in the same in the same setting or the same statement. So, all of us is not allowed or was held on
and fill out the exam is to political entity in which it means on the right time, on the right way with the right number, which is only one time and the right time, which is free from answers. And there is no any relationships or fellowship took place between both of you. And also it should be done in in that manner.
And then, of course, I go over the debate between the scholars over
if it counts, who said what, and if it's doesn't count and all the hit opportunity for QA is a very great, you know, discussion over this issue, which is pregnant it is allowed but is it mcru Somewhat of God, the Muslim jurists said about that in any case. So the first thing is to be done this way, which is with exact with
sadness to do according to that Sharia
marriage to be ended. And the courses when we talk about it, it has to be ended in one of three ways. Okay. One of it that is basically that the husband initiate that breaking of the marriage. Okay, he wants that he agrees to that. So either he wants or he agree, maybe he doesn't want but she asked me to agree. And in this case, we have something called a revocable divorce, irrevocable divorce, and there is a great details in the class about that. But if it is a reversible divorce, reversible device, which is the first or the second divorce, in this case, the husband that is requirements from must be fulfilled, according to the Islamic Sharia, which is he has to be
financially responsible for his wife providing financial
support, and at the same time providing housing for her until the waiting period finish. Okay. And when we say about financial support, the same way she used to be supported while she's a wife, unless he's not treating her as a wife, who doesn't that and I'd say if he doesn't treat her well, you know, according to what the standard like for example, car health insurance, medications, the house and gas for the car to phone, cell phone today isn't part of the necessities of life, you know, and commonly known as part of that you
expenses that you cover, you know, if she has, for example,
some purchasing food and and all what is related to it? What do you, Julie, she used to spend, same thing continue until that, that if you give her pocket money, you still give her up until this period end, which is the end. Okay. And also that's it no to if she is at that time breastfeeding, he has to provide a compensation for her to Breastfeed the child. That's an amount of money will be, you know,
coming to an agreement, how much is it for breastfeeding the child? That's it know, if there is a children, taking care of the children is also another responsibility that she she deserve a compensation for that. That said, No. Also, if there is a condition in the marriage contract, what's a condition, a condition that in the case of divorce, in the case of divorce, he pay her such and such, he has to fulfill that these conditions under that agreement that says no, if he did not fulfill the MaHA the dowry, let's say a dowry is a $10,000. I give you 5000, but it didn't give you the rest. He has to give that that's it? No, if there's any financial responsibilities that he
committed to like, for example, took a loan from her or take some of her money to invest, he has to give it back. So all these financial rights are rights for that why?
That said, No, there is even one more thing that a lot of human Allah set, which is something they call it a meter, which is an amount of money will be will be
agreed upon with the judge or with the mediator, as a form of compensation for the wife. And this amount of money. It's excellent. And all I just said,
Allah subhanaw taala said, according to the wealth of the person, according to what he is capable of, and how to handle a lot two groups, the vast majority said, it's a recommended and document except in the case of someone divorce his wife before consummation of the marriage to consummate the marriage. And there is no mark.
Okay, in this case, it is widely on him to give no matter, you know, this financial gift, or a monetary gift, or the majority said it is
the majority said it is logical in this case and the rest it is highly recommended. Some said no, it's actually wajib in any case of divorce, regardless of this is her first or second whatever, or if it is, you know,
consummated the marriage or not consummated. And in modern days, I would say it's different from one case to another. And the amount is divided, decided based on case by case. So for example, if somebody marry a woman for 3040 years, and there is a divorce taking place, and the poor woman is old, doesn't have family here, she's gonna start live from in this case, we said there is a financial extra financial help must be provided for her. So she will not be when that age, were hard for her to find a job to be left like that. Sometimes you would say, Okay, it's a two years of financial support, or a year or five years, it depends on the situation.
And sometimes, you know, some a woman or another another perspective, we look at it when you look in cases like this, we look at the case, like for example, if the poor woman, she just got married, in your case, if somebody married a woman for two months, and they said, You know, I don't like you.
And he was so negligent. Like I don't care, I don't want you break your heart. You made her move from her country or move from her city to the in this case, we said the mantra hate became Why do you give her 10,015 or whatever we can based on his income, we put some financial burden on him and gift to be given to her because of the harm that he costs. A woman who does not have a job does not a skill is going to take him a while to pick up a skill to be able to support yourself know family members versus a woman who very skillful has a good job. I'm not going to make them into a logical in a case like this. You see, so we might look I think that's a position that just kind of monitors
between the debate and there's more details about what the heart said. But at least now you understand that divorce is not just hey, I divorced and you go away now
No, there is a lot of responsibilities financial responsibility, it has to be taken care of.
Okay. And if the divorce is irreversible, irreversible, like the third time of divorce, some scholars said she exactly like a reversible take overrides the above.
Okay. Some said No, she doesn't have a financial compensation during the eight that said clearly compensation without housing. Some said no housing, there is a debate you can see but I do believe that it will take the same rule as previous one.
And then another form of divorce, which is when the wife divorced the husband
she said you know what I'm divorcing him, we call this hole. And in this case in the hole and we call it is this each Malkin citizen Muslim scholars on the permissibility of it only there is few people said is not allowed. And he went against the consensus of the Muslim scholars and what stablish in the Quran and the Sunnah.
Okay, so if the wife, okay, divorce the husband, or what we call it home. In this case, we say the following financial responsibility and pay attention to this, because some people say, it means hello, us. I have nothing as a husband. No, is to give you back your mom your dowry? Can you ask for more than your dowry? There is a debate, the majority of the person it is bad manners. And some scholar said you're not allowed to ask more than what you give. And there's something very specific. Yeah. And if, for example, you know, I just bought her a car. I paid $220,000 on this car, I want her back. If she wanted a divorce, I just got it for her. And now she's divorcing me. In this case,
we allowed if it is something clear like that, but nobody can say, You know what, like, I remember, I had a case of divorce. And the guy said I needed $200,000 settlement.
I said why? She said she's making her work. She paid me 200. He said, she makes a million dollars. It's not your business, you make a million dollars, or $10 million?
Why would you ask for 200,000?
He said, Oh, because I've been babysitting her kids. Now they became her kids, not your kids.
It's getting nasty sometimes. And I said to him, and you want to charge her for babysitting?
Actually Islamically she is not obligated to babysit the kids. If we're gonna go that route.
And Havana is something that's not obligated to her.
She doing it before God said it's a volunteer thing. She didn't work for it? Or should we even compensate for it financially?
According to many of the scholars, and if we're going to go this route, what about the gas, electricity, the water, the rent? Who's been paying for all this?
She? I said, Okay, so you have to pay her back all this?
How much is that going to cost the last seven years,
way more than your $200,000 you know, babysitting.
When I'm talking, she just wrote a check of 200,000 she throw it in his face. While they went I was like she said, just scoot over. Let's do one of those. I don't care. I don't want this man in my life anymore.
And I mentioned many stories like this in my course, you know, about real, real, real examples. So if a woman gives you give out that we said it's limited to the dowry. Okay. But still, if she's breastfeeding, if she's taking care of the child, she still have the financial responsibility to be supported with that compensation be given
to her if it has been proven that she is contributed to the house, like paying for the house, she that means she has a share of that and they have to come and a settlement everything
that was given to her as a gift as a gift, gold gift. He cannot ask for it back.
If it's like as a pure gift in the past, okay.
Also, if there is a Maha not been giving to her, she or or like if there's not a month, the month should give back to the husband. But what about the amount of that he doesn't deliver, like he's the 10,000 only give her five she gives him the five she doesn't give him 10 Whatever he gave her she gave him back. Okay. If there is a condition in the contract saying in a case of Hola, listen, this financial responsibilities will be divided they have to follow that condition. To follow that condition. There is another format which is important for you to know
If the divorce take place by the husband, sorry, if the wife wants a divorce, but she doesn't want her, why would I give him back as much as she goes to the sheriff and she proof that she'd been abused
if she proof that she'd been abused, and marriages became impossible or harmful, that in that time, we divorced her from her husband. And we made it obligatory upon him to fulfill all her financial rights that I mentioned earlier.
And she doesn't give him his water back.
So you can see that there's a lot of rules here. A lot of people I'm saying this because a lot of people think that let me rush to the court. Let me rush to the you know, because it gets more money, whatever it is, they might give you more money, but not a lot of money
to you should you have provided a lot for it's not true that people think that the Sharia does not provide for the woman when divorce take place. Yes, there is abuse to this issues. But that's not an exon. exon is to do according to the Sharia acid and more. Because Allah Subhana Allah Tensar will FontLab and Unicom don't Abend and further, don't leave Alphaville it means the extra there is somebody called wajib and that is beyond the X beyond the obligation beyond the minimum we've been asked to do the maximum when it comes to divorce.
Also, quickly one of the things about divorce with exiled excellency is to learn to forgive each others
and to excuse one another.
You know what, whatever it is Hamdulillah I move on. I forgive and forget.
And if you can forgive and forget, if you can do both do one of them. Forget or forgive
and try to move on in your life. Don't hold these grudges in your heart and in the end hurt I know I know it hurts I know it's years of suffering no but you know what holding into this bad feelings bad memories will only ruin the future of your life. You would run your moment
this minute give us one second everyone and shall the shake we'll be back with us in just a sec. As he has been Masha Allah, consistently troubleshooting and making sure that he can return to the session. So just bear with us there. As I was mentioning earlier, some amazing questions have been submitted. So I cannot wait for the q&a portion of today's session. Because I know it's going to be fascinating and Hamdulillah I love the way that Shefali balances the rights and the responsibilities of both both parties and Masha Allah He shows us that there's so much kind of support and and humbly law there's so much generosity and Islam towards both parties. So Bismillah I see that your back
shift, can maybe you can give me an advice and my phone. This happened when somebody call me. Ah, how can I block someone from calling me you have to put it on Do Not Disturb shift.
I am sometimes it's the one that it is on Do Not Disturb still it still happens. But on this specific platform, it requires you to put it on Do Not Disturb shift has just coming back and rejoining in Sharla and then we will jump back in. And there we are. I do have it on don't disturb. I was saying so suppose he does and it still goes through that's why this it's a little finicky on the phone. All right. Bismillah sorry. So quickly because I know it's been a long time having you guys on holding up and I apologize for that. But
let me let me say this quickly. One of the things also to learn sand excellency is to help one another when it comes to the kids don't ever use the kids as weapon against your specs. You know, don't involve the kids don't poison the kids don't give the kids the trauma and the drama that you're living in love that the witness that I guarantee you, they know that they hear about it, they see it you know they can tell but don't poison them. There's no need for there's not going to help. Don't ever use the kids as a tool of pressure. And unfortunately that's happened a lot and that's against their son. That's how I'm that's not allowed. And you're also so immoral because you are
abusing your children to that's harm that's alone, to them and to yourself. Three, don't be stingy with the money Don't be squeezing each other financially or with time. Like for example, I just want to make it hard for you. I want to spend more time row Hey, we're going to move all the way in this place to meet or we can do all you know it's going to take 10
manage to go this route and the court versus if we can agree on something quickly, it will shorten the period. The longer the divorce process takes, the more nastier it is.
I didn't show up in the court, I didn't show up in this. And it takes another month, two months, all these kinds of things, that it only makes things hot problem, more problem, and more difficult to don't try to cause harm financially or when it comes to time to your to your x part of the Sun is to give back people's personal belongings. You don't know how many times Imam people come to check my pictures with him share he didn't give me back in house we're not related. Usually not allowed to look at my pictures while you have them.
Or my clothes. My passport sometimes, you know my identifications. Okay, and so for
my cat, my cats, okay? You know, while I there is actually cases where her pets go to dump it in a culture in a shelter.
Okay, I'm just abuse just to prevent.
Also one of the things sometimes it's his mom's stuff, his dad, his family, her family and he doesn't care about and he make it multiple honey, you hold me according to me. So Sunday,
when you have something for someone and you don't get it back right away, that's volume and a volume in that
volume, that darkness in the Day of Judgment.
Holding into this revenge is not going to help, it's only going to make it worse. And the one who suffer the most is the abuser in the dunya and in the Aviva, it will never satisfy you.
Also, if there is an obligations is to fulfill it. You made a promise. You fulfill it. You don't break your promises. You know, I know people had a lot. One one chef was asked once about you know his wife. And he said I promised my wife that I will do over here for her you know sacrifice Am
I don't think there is another woman who will come in the Day of Judgment with more overhead that her
way long after she died. He kept doing this. And he said now this year is my 70th of here for 70 years I've been doing this.
I know personally, a friend of mine
who still make Ohia for his ex
and it was not a good divorce. Not a very good Jonnie not something that he forced him to divorce her
he's entitled to do Alicia I do not have to include her on my oath here.
So fulfill your promises to work your your your spouse. Also no backbiting no gossip no exposing no secrets
Hello has I had a case once which is unbelievable I don't even know how to say that somebody you know like people I know in the community at large
they come to get divorce divorce it get I'm used to Nesbitt to that level that's it's not immediate members my community but somebody I can I know where the ACT Okay, and the guy show me the chair. This woman that shows you like she coming to you to your mustard wearing this job look, and he put the picture in my face.
And she's almost naked.
I stuck and lucky. Yes. This is the kind of woman that she's now saying Oh, slumbers? I shouldn't even though this is not allowed for you to do that.
Or somebody's house you couldn't Why would you send a video of him with another girl doing Comstor Why would you share this with the people?
Why would you keep a video of him smoking marijuana? I want the whole world to know what kind of Oh no, that's that's how long does not allow.
It's not your business. The whole word? No, no, that's not your business. That's not you don't have a right to do that. There's some nickel sutra and Muslim covering the Muslims, mistakes and sins. Especially if they repent to Allah subhanaw taala
Oh chef, you watch pornography? Are you telling the entrepreneurs before what colors you got in divorce one tobacco what our benefit from
it just exposing.
That's not exactly
there's a sister, I remember, I divorced her from her husband and her husband. And she told me the tea, and will lie, I will never forget that.
Her mean her parents.
She said to her parents, I'm sorry, I'm going to talk to the show on private, but you can stay here. And she brought the computer in front of me. She said, she has just to tell you that this man is cheating on me, look, and she choose something, she cover some images. And she said, and I have to see proof that you've been abused in the relationship. But she did it in a manner that her parents did, and asked her why her parents did not know what this meant it until she got divorced after divorce. I don't know. He knows that she was not very good to her. Period. That's it. Even her own parents, you didn't tell them
how she got the divorce you want. Everybody goes through his life
you know, sometimes it doesn't stop there, that when he tried to remarry, he tried to remain the go, Oh, he's this he's that and they start talking about about if someone comes to consult you tell the truth. But you actively voluntarily going to ruin their, you know, their future and whatever they don't know. Thank you. That's nothing not to just to forget, justify that. Are we born to cut ties with and laws after divorce? No. That's not true. Thank you, Sister. Choudry. No, you don't have to. Even when you you still have a good relationship with your ex even you know what? Your wives mother, she will be mom for you for the rest of your life.
And your husband's mom and dad model for you for the rest of your life.
You know, you don't need to you can be courteous enough. You're not if you're not relative to you, they're not relatives. But they're people that I was connected with them with a good time. Specially if there is a children in the middle.
How can we get some?
So what's Saturday wars? How can I do this?
One follow the Sharia.
To move on.
Don't Don't let the Live Live doesn't stop at one man and one woman. No matter how old or there is a future for you to get married or not doesn't matter, you know what I'm going to move on. The only way to keep balance in life is to keep paddling. It's like riding a bicycle. The only way to keep balance is paddling, you stop you lose balance.
Do you know be the upper hand, be the best one.
That's that's how the movement should always strive to be.
Okay. So make sure that you sometimes you don't get everything, whatever you didn't get in this dunya we'll get into akhira be content with that also, sometimes I'm telling you in many cases, there are so many things you will not be able to recover even financial things.
But in the end of the day, you know I don't my life doesn't stop there. There is more important thing in life and time I can use than just chasing these things.
And a decision has to be made at one point cut my losses and just move on in my life. But I'm against also the to give up completely all your rights
you but there is a balance you have to make that call at one point. At one point, you know, you know what the rest inshallah and the Day of Judgment, Allah reward me for it.
If you want to have this, one of the things so important, as you hear me referring in my talk earlier about any condition in the marriage contract, and you can, it's so important to have a pre, you know, not or like premium natural
agreement, or, as in the course I talk a lot. I have two lawyers I invited to my course is speaking about the issue of contract. And we will tell you and explain to you in details about how it's important to write before the marriage and even after the marriage take place. If I didn't do before I'm too late now, no, let's not do a contract with your husband about certain things. And they're absolutely right. And in the course I talked about how it's the correct opinion that you're allowed to put condition in the marriage contract. And after the marriage contract done, can you put a condition? Yes, you can. Because that's an agreement. It's a contract and Islamically illegally it
will be binding
remember that Allah says, couldn't the human in the human coulomb and probably, if they separate Allah will give each one of them from His bounties.
And that's what it comes, He will give you emotions, to replace the emotions and the good, the good emotion or the hurt, that will replace you with the healing. If you lost financially or replace your financial loss, if you lost the companionship alone, replace you with another companionship, you lost the husband and a lot of places don't worry Allah have so much for you.
Life doesn't end there.
One of the things that will help you to have a good or a son in the divorce, don't ever have the attitude F. You know, that's that I'm just gonna, it's not gonna be worse than that. No, it can be worse than that.
It can get worse. So with this attitude that it can get people bring all the ugly and the evil things at once. That's not right. That's not how we should be dealing with each other. No, it can get worse actually.
And things can get so bad. Specially when there is kids in the in the middle.
One of the things you have to have this exam, be don't.
When there is a divorce, when there is a divorce happening, and that's the past divorce is 100% there we try everything is
what happens sometimes this ugly divorce happened. You know why? Because it is so clear for you, that's not going to work. But you go back each and there is no one putting any effort to save the marriage.
No effort put to solve the problem.
And you continue and you're not willing to be patient with it, nor you are willing to leave it.
So sometimes I have a problem. And I know it's not gonna be fixed. And the person's not putting either I learned how to live with it. You know, what my husband for example, or my no
He's not gonna quit, he's not quitting. So either How does I learn how to live with that? Or you know what, I just move on or leave him
at one point you reach that level, but that decision you have to make
and when you make that decision in your life, you know to adjust because there's many factors comes into the issue of divorce for the one
not only one factor, and that's something we talked about the world and the decision of it, the more details and hopefully I can talk about this even in a special
in the course inshallah to Allah as an extra bonus session, because I think it's important.
But what happened when we continue going to the same outcome the same way. It's like a circle a circle of doom. When the divorce happened. I became so fed up. I'm so poisoned and filled with rage and hate. Don't let her reach that level.
and Holika Holika they're the one who created him or her created someone else.
Okay, one other thing that doesn't help
and sometimes turn to new SN in divorce. Why?
Oh, my goodness. I have so much waiting. Why? Why? Why you don't want me anymore? Why don't you like? Why? Because 123 I told you, we don't know why. That's That's, uh, shows you that we can live together anymore. Why? Why do you love someone else? Do you have somebody else do you do cheat with me? Did you? And all this kind of things goes in the detail sometimes hurt.
Oh, somebody got divorced. Come to me before he found his wife cheated on him.
And the first thing I told him, Okay, if you're not willing to forgive her, if you're not willing to forgive her, and you can't live with the fact that she cheated on you. She slept with another man. You know, if you look if you can't live with that, and I advise you to forgive her if she if she if she repent or last Hanukkah. If she said no. If he said no, I can do that. Please don't go to details. We're going to divorce her.
Oh, does he look better? Is this performed better than me? Is he's like attractive. What about how many times where it was?
What is this? This just gonna make things nasty. And this
is there's another woman in the picture who she is how many guys tell you to limit each other along? And all those kinds of details.
Oh, you don't like me anymore? You don't want me anymore? You know? All these details and question only lead to more
harm than good, is not going to help you to have a sign in your divorce.
I'm sure the conversation can go on and on. But I feel so guilty for keeping you guys on
established boundaries or it is considered disrespect with parents and relatives, especially if they are asking for private information. Yes, absolutely. You should establish boundaries, well, boundaries. One thing I say in my class, there is a section about in laws or outlaws.
So about endless, I said, one of the most important thing, it's you, you don't ever put these boundaries you for his family, or she put it for your family, you deal with your own mother, you deal with your own parents, you don't ever tell your wife, okay? Tell my mom, dad, no, be a man and talk to your mom.
you know, don't ever put your spouse, you know, to be the one who deal with these issues with your parents. You always take care of your own parents. And that's what be the respectful one.
Already does that good luck. I wish that was that was powerful. And so how do I know that Shaq you see a lot of this in the community. So it's really beneficial to see your stories of what people are struggling with now and the types of experiences that you have as someone who has to mediate these very difficult situations, as of course, you you guys deal with the happiest moments and Muslims lives, the births and the weddings and all that kind of stuff. And then the divorces in the funerals were, in both situations, people are doing the utmost of hello and yes, most of haram sometimes, in order to maximize their benefits. So Subhanallah it is really, really helpful to hear your insight
and to hear that your perspective and your kind of know how of what people do and the way that Mr. misused the system. And then the best ways that people can, you know, approach this situation as well. So does that go here for so many gems, so much advice so much, I'm still absorbing a lot of that, and Hamdulillah. But I hope that everyone else is well benefited as much as I did. And of course, there's so much more benefit in your class in the thick of love, where we go through all the optimal, the best things that you can do at every stage of a relationship of looking for someone of getting married, maintaining that marriage, getting divorced, and you know, getting remarried, etc,
etc, etc. So hamdulillah for this wealth of knowledge, I'm looking at so many this question for me to go dwelling. But just very quickly, if you align me what age the children should move to their parents, there's a different opinion about that. And I've talked about this on my course as well and custody. So if you're registered, there is a whole chapter about custody. But obviously, in Oklahoma law center for girls to 17, some said until she got married for boys, when they became independent, like 1716 1518, there's a different opinion about that. Custody is an issue, case by case. So we look at what's the standard and modern time, for example, where kids can be independent. And my kid
on America mainly in high school, or you know, where the kids mostly that's what I go with, that became independent can work. You know, a lot of people work after high school, or the on high school.
If they can be in development, some kids get married in high school girl, so they became independent at that point.
So there's no like, specific type of aid, some said seven for the boys. And after they go, No, I believe that children stay with the mother until until they Yanni
either became independent and or she cannot take care of them because of her marriage or because of sickness or something of that nature. And the boys, some scholars said it's been more beneficial for the boys when we became a teenager to move with their father. But case by case I do believe that custody, it's case by case is not just one standard, you know,
one size fits all.
And that's how the practice and most of Muslim court today Muslim, as there's another one about like fighting with my husband and one say I don't want to live with me you anymore. You know, we need to change. Yes, we need to change. But one thing I will say please
don't wait until the last moment and go to counseling. Go to marriage counselor. Early, you know, before it became so hard and so nasty, and so difficult. I remember last time when I was talking to you guys, I told you something. If you think marriage counseling is expensive, try divorce. You know, it's more expensive and more hard
to get someone to help and work together your problems if you can't bring someone in the middle in perspective for you.
This course helped bring you guys a little bit better in communicating and talking to each other's understanding each other's
What about stepchildren? What are obligations after divorce. stepchildren are obligated on them. They're obligated from their parents, you know? But if you want to volunteer that just like a locker, they'll be nice.
Especially when there are children involved. You have to always think that they are always going to be the mother or the father. I mean, I don't know about that. But I understand if I have a stepdaughter she came to my house when she's two years old and now she's nine or 10 She knows nobody else as a father a mother except the one that she lived with. But the father or the real father or your mother have that the article father mother shouldn't be taking care of this child otherwise it will be like someone voluntarily fostering a child
excellent my ex file for divorce. She accused
accused me of watching porn
I do have some earlier questions that were submitted from beginning of the session if you want to take them as well.
That will be better because I think
yeah, there's so many comments and chats it's hard to keep up and to find just the question so I have a couple of picked up.
The first one is is separation better than divorce? Or is it like lingering on and hurting both parties especially when you don't see a future together? No separation is not an option in Islam unless it is very very very short period of time for people to make a decision to think about it but this time we've been having a difficult separation
Okay, so it's very something that call I call I need my rights or I give up my rights for example I will I don't need any
you know, let's see somebody
you know I am
separation in that sense like okay, we live supper and stuff like that No, there's nothing in Islam was like that in my my understanding. But if there's a short period of time for people to Rican to think about making a decision, go to stay with my family for a week, two months, maybe six months, somewhere like that. But after that, it has to come to an end. But no, like, Okay, we live just separate your own life and Lala that's a recipe for disaster. So before how long for weakness?
I'm just thinking of some example. Let's say that as someone who is his wife, she said, You know, I don't want you to sleep with me, I'm gonna go I don't need my rights for like sexual relationship. I'm not I don't want to do that anymore. But what I want I want you to leave me with my parents. My parents are like, you know, old and I'll take care of them and you go live your life you want to marry someone else, whatever you want to do. Let's take a common agreement to that. Yes, but that's not separation separation in the Western sense that means I'm completely responsible for myself financially responsible that's fine but that's not right. So even if you choose to do that I'm still
have some responsibility to work at anytime she can say hey, go back to live together even if she gives them she said I don't want you to support me financially. She giving up her rights on that she can she can change that at any given time. She said no, I will need my mind. So in Western
sense separation is no I'm just call us as if you're divorced. But just on paper.
Chef and calm it's more common nowadays. Separation means like, we want it we want a break from each other for like, two weeks or a month or three months to go on.
Any more together. That's not that's not a solution. But if you get a break from each other, just to think about it. And I'll tell you the more you make this longer.
Yeah, love is like a tree if you don't give it water and attention and lights and air fresh air die if you don't pay attention to it and die. You know, so same thing with with marriage.
Okay, Chef, we're getting close to the hour 45 minute mark. So let's take maybe three more questions inshallah and then we'll close off I know there's so many questions still coming in, but inshallah we'll have plenty of time tomorrow. To take it to make you run through them Inshallah, during the actual live q&a session that is private to the registered students of the class.
So, the next question that I see a front of me is should someone give up some of their rights during divorce in order to obtain peace when the other party is too difficult to deal with in the process? Yes, I mean, that's always a better way than just being stuck
in the day slot pieces means I give up something you give up something we come to somewhere in the middle
100% That's a wise person to do that.
The next question is, can you please elaborate the fact of India for women who are in menopause, is it still compulsory for them, regardless of their age, especially for working woman? Yeah, the still obligated hormonal menopause. And this will be by month, three months, not by period. And you can go to work. The divorce woman I found this is in some culture, very interesting. In some culture, they didn't know the difference between the index of a woman who is working divorce because of divorce, and the debt because of death.
And end up because of death, you're not allowed to have makeup or perfumes or to go to parties and stuff like that. But the art of divorce has nothing to do with that. You can wear jewelry, you can wear whatever clothes you want, you can go to whomever you want, you can sleep in your mom's house, whatever you want. Okay.
Especially if it's an irrevocable divorce, whatever.
So it's so
if widow is different than a divorced woman, even if she's a widow, she's allowed to go to her work, too. And I talked about this in the course in details. But that's Jenny, the short answer for you your question.
The next question is, if I asked her hola and he agrees with Sn is he bound to spend on me during the Can you please briefly explain the correct way?
So if I asked for for that, and he agrees with me, with this son, is he bound to spend on me during that period? And can you please briefly explain the correct way of asking for Hola, no, Hamas, there was no, you give him back his MA. And the whole has to be done with the chef. Many of the proceeds not something between you and him, because to be a chef or an email or
any religious leader, a judge in the Muslim world, so loving the Manhattan.
So he agreed and give him back as Mark.
I know it looks like we briefly lost the ship. I'm sure he'll be back in just a second. Just as he comes back. I do want to let you guys know, I should mention this as well, that a lot of these really complex situations, it seems like we don't get direct answers to and we and hamdulillah made such a concentrated effort in this course to cover every single scenario that we could come up with and I'm sure there's going to be more that come up in the in the q&a sessions and I see the shift alright Bismillah
Yeah, welcome Hey, you guys need to help me out oh, how to make the block for phone calls. First of all, mashallah, if you're popular, with the amount of phone calls that you get in in the hour, even with Do Not Disturb? So I was thinking about the whole is basically you get back as mob. And during the day, there is no financial support, or anything of that hostile relationship completely ended.
Between both of you.
And it's one on one month anyway.
Okay, perfect. And then finally, someone's asking, is it it's not considered hola if he agrees to the divorce, correct? Does the court order
you divorcing him. He doesn't want to divorce you and he doesn't want
to leave you but you want to leave him.
Okay, that's a very important distinction and distinguish distinction. If you're abused,
you can ask for divorce so you can keep your financial rights.
He is not allowed to force you into her.
No matter how Allah said the only time that man can force his wife to force his wife into
hold if she if she's cheating on him.
Like she's meeting men's and like she has boyfriend and cheating on him. If I divorced her, I feel like this woman dumb does dumb deserve divorce because of all that bad thing she's doing. So you said you can be go back to the bare minimum and in this case, she will ask for her.
That's the only situation that can be done. As far as I know.
What I remember right now, there is something about the financial responsibility towards white LED
See a divorce take place. And I talked about this in the course. And somebody did not support his wife for the last three months.
He has to pay back all the three months, or one year or two years, we have to calculate all this to be added to that settlement between them.
So now because you didn't pay a colossal, it's gone. No, it's still you still have to pay for it. And it's a debt on you until the delimiter. Last minute data
is no joke about the like support, like financial support for the for the wife.
Perfect. Chef, we'll do a couple more and then we'll close off inshallah someone's asking, Is a man sin for sinful for telling his wife to see?
Is a man sinful for telling his wife to sequela? Yeah, absolutely. I lost my job. I said, I'm lost, but as a reason for it.
Because the only reason you got to do her is because you don't want to be financially responsible for her. So you make it hard for her and difficult while the other one Don't abuse them. That's abuse.
But if no, I really want you I really love you. I really want to live with you. But you don't want to learn to live with me closed.
That's your choice.
This is not pressuring her, I guess in that scenario. The next question, the final one is can he take her bass back, if she asks for further, if he has done he cannot take her back until they do a new contract? This instantly she became divorced from him. Only by new contract and Yamaha a new con. Do you all like the whole? They do the whole
thing again? Really? All this kind of stuff?
Okay, all right, this minute, so many questions. Now the questions get more and more interesting is, of course, as soon as the session is over time people wake up, and they have such great questions. But alhamdulillah that's the benefit of having these amalgam online classes, which I love Schiff is that people submit so many questions, you have this as a resource, even though you can't even imagine being in this scenario, some people can relate to it. And some people this is just beneficial knowledge for the community to know anywhere, there's ignorance, there's, there's room for abuse, there's room for mistakes, there's room for sins, and Hamdulillah, the fact that we have
so much access to this, and we've covered so many concepts,
I just want to say like, make sure you order just from the course and reach out to people who might benefit a lot, especially those who are married about to get married, you know,
make sure that you tell them I really
I only benefit from this any from saying this, I don't get paid more people just are like this, like that, you know,
the end of the day, I really what I care about the most is for you guys to to benefit and hamdulillah and a motto We do what kind of help for students who can offer it and you know, but it is really a topic that there is a lot of abuse to it the issue of divorce especially, and marriage and there is a lot of room of improvement. And I think we're always going to have better life better relationships. And I'm I'm really sincerely hoping that this course will help to make our relationship better, as husband and wife, malice pannacotta as we end this session, as he knows that the only reason I'm here today, the only reason you guys joining us it is for his sake to learn his
Deen to learn the guidance of His Prophet Mohammed Al Salam in regard to marriage, which is an an important part of our life, in this dunya. And we ask also if he knows that we are sincere about that, to bless our marriages, to bless us with the husband and wife, and the spouse, the two will be good for us in the dunya and after, and to heal whatever wounds and to help us to change and to come close to each other and to love one another and to be merciful one another and to be you both work hard in this dunya so we will be together in Yamo pm and we ask Allah, Allah to forgive whatever shortcoming that we have done towards our spouses, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to give us the best
of manners and to give our spouses the best of manners. And we ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to bless our children and our family. And to make it easy for us to make us happy in this dunya and happier in the next and to make us rich in this dunya and to make us comfortable as we meet him Subhana wa Tada while he is pleased with us and to gather us with our family in genetic name, as he said about the believing, well how can that be in the reality in Menominee imagery on
More says we have gathered them with their family with their complete deeds.
Some Allahu ala Nabina Muhammad Radha
Koloff Isha just like a look out for this beautiful experience for this course for your patience with us today and making sure that we can benefit from this talk and humbly love for everyone who stuck it through and we cannot wait to spend the next several weeks asking you learning from you engaging with you and you know spending time and humbly learn in our private telegram group and in the course itself so just like last year for making this resource available once again that URL is amalgam dot online forward slash love and we will see you guys all inside the portal with the chef in sha Allah benefiting in deep and diving deep into this topic and answering all the questions and
all the concerns that you guys have about it. Shift is actually here once again for being with us today inshallah See you soon for now take care everyone stay happy, stay healthy, stay safe.