Riyadh al-Saliheen and Women’s Q&A #33

Tom Facchine


Channel: Tom Facchine


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AI: Summary © The conversation covers the importance of patient mental health during times of loss and the need for people to be patient and reward those who remain in a town. The speakers emphasize the need for people to trust laws and show their priorities. The pandemic has impacted everyone, including those who have been around for a long time. The importance of trusting in laws and affirming one's values is emphasized.
Transcript ©
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Dana's gonna get the live stream going

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okay, this one that I'm looking

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at hamdulillahi rabbil Alameen

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wa salatu salam ala Ashraful MBIA. One more saline. Maybe you know but what Tina Muhammad Ali was kept the same alarm on him every night and found no in fact nothing that

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was even there and yeah Rob Milan I mean

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we are here Thursday night.

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June 10 women's class covering realvest saw the hidden gardens of the righteous by Imam an nawawi Rahim Allah.

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We made it to the third chapter the chapter on patience.

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And away we go.

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Very important Hadith tonight share screen. For those of you who don't have a translation at home, I'll also be reading from my translation

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we're on Hadith 31 In total,

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okay, the first Hadith we have here.

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I read my translation just because I favorite a little bit. And probably Allahu Anhu. And this was the, we used to do a little bit more of the biographies of the companions, we call it Ennis was one of the unsought. He was from an exotic family, from Medina and he was

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the codon Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he was one of the servants of the prophets of Lovelace that started at the age of 10. His mother turned him over to the prophesy Saddam and said, just take them and have them do some tasks for you. And so he served the prophets of life Saddam for about 10 years or so. And so the Alana reported, the prophets of aloha to you said I'm passed by a woman who was crying over a grave and said, he said to her, fear a lot and be patient. It tequila was really

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she said, Get away from me

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in a gun.

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And then he said to him, My calamity has not befall on you. And you are not aware of it. Basically, she's saying, it's easy for you to say, You Go mind your own business. It didn't happen to you.

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Okay, this is the process of them did not say anything. And then he left.

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Later on, the woman was told

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somebody came up because they heard about what happened and they told the woman I say, Listen, that was actually the Prophet Mohammed. So I said, it was telling you that and so now this lady feels pretty bad.

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And so she goes to

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the province lace Adam's House, to basically apologize.

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And she says,

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I'm very sorry.

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I did not know it was you.

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So the promised lifetime then responded to her and he said to her, this is the main point of the Hadith in the Mossad bro. And Assad Mathilde Gula. that patience is only at the first stroke of Greek.

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And this is in both al Bukhari and Muslim. So this is my topic on it.

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So we have several things

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about this heavy, that are significant?

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The first thing that we can say generally, is that there are ways of grieving for loss that are permissible, and there are ways of grieving for loss that are not permissible.

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Okay, now, some people might interject here, I would say, Wait a second,

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why would Allah subhanaw taala? regulate something like grieving? Shouldn't we be left to grieve in any sort of way that we want to? And I would like to hear what you all falling along at home have to say about this? Why would a loss count oughta try to limit the ways that are acceptable for us to grieve isn't this oppressive? Isn't this kind of these paranoid,

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strict religious folk? Just kind of,

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you know,

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scrutinizing something that's as natural and as rightful as grief, when someone passes away? How could something be wrong? When some when it comes to someone grieving, especially over a loved one? Let's hear what folks have to say.

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Leave your answer in the chat box or unmute yourself and

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why would have lost power to auto

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regulate grieving?

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Ah, some may perform self harm as a way of breathing. That's a very good point. Right? So if we're going to say that the *ty

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our law is fundamentally meant

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to promote what's beneficial to us and to guard our benefits and our self interest,

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then isn't it true that people sometimes grieve in a way that is harmful? And against their self interest? Yes. Yes, that is very true. Right? So there's a couple of things that are going on here. And if you look at the types of grieving that are, this allowed them that I lost? I thought, I said, No, this is the limit. Don't go further than this.

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It will start to make sense. So there's some times some types of grieving

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can really be self indulgence, or self pity, right? There are certain types of grief where you have a certain normal natural amount of grief and then you lean into it, and you kind of

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increase it, there's it can take on a performative nature.

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And so you can do it out of an exaggerated self pity for yourself.

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And so this type of grieving is a loss found the artist says this is too much.

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Why is it too much, because if someone is doing that, if someone is grieving in an exaggerated way,

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then it demonstrates in gratitude to Allah subhana wa Tada. It shows that you're not thankful for what Allah subhanaw taala has decided for you. It demonstrates a lack of submission to his divine will, because everything, the death of our loved ones included as part of the laws cutter. And so this comes back to an issue of faith. Right? We're prohibited from demonstrating something

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that would be an affront

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or would challenge a laws wisdom.

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Why whether it is something as simple and we say this in English all the time, oh, he he left before his time or he died before his time. This is a very unwise thing for a Muslim to say doesn't allow you to decide the proper time. His time is determined by Allah.

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And is there anyone else who can determine a wiser time for someone to die than a lot? Of course not.

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So it can be something as simple as that or it could be something as extreme as wailing and carrying on and creating a scene. Not necessarily out of genuine, natural emotional response. But because you're angry at Allah because

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Do you think that Allah did you wrong? You think that Allah did an injustice to you by taking away this person.

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And similar to that kind of slip of the tongue that we hear in English, he was taken away before his time, or he died before his time, we see that there's a prioritization or an elevation of the self.

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We do this move where we make ourselves into God, we make ourselves into Allah, as if we're the ones who are able to determine who deserves what, and when someone shouldn't be able to go.

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Yes, that's another thing too, or there can be rituals involved, that can be like worship of the dead, that's also true as well.

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We also have to understand, and this gets more into the performative aspect of the culture

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to which this particular revelation was being sent. So, at the time of the Prophet salallahu, Alaihe, salam, the Autumns of old, they used to

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really exaggerate these to really go all in for the funerals. And it used to be a matter of competition, and pride, to see

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the amount of people that showed up at your funeral, and how

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sad they were, basically, how intensely they mourn your loss. And so, if somebody had a funeral, where there were women that were just wailing and causing a scene, then it was supposed to indicate honor for this person. And so it got to the point where people in Mecca and in Arabia at that time would actually hire women, professional mourners, professional whalers. This is called a Nia professional mourners to come to the funeral of one of their deceased, make a big scene,

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tear up their cheeks until they bleed and tear their clothes and their hair and all these sorts of things,

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in order to exaggerate the importance of the person who had this who had died, and to supposedly bring honor to the family. So the prophesy Saddam's construction

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is tied up in this context.

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Right. He's instructing here.

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He's instructing here that we have to be just we have to be fair. And we recognize this from a hadith that we just had a couple of Hadith ago where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam was brought into his, his grandson and his grandson was dying, and the Prophet SAW said, I'm wept. And the Companions asked him, they said, what's going on? Why are you crying? And he said, This is a natural degree of grief. This is a natural emotional response. Right? It's distinct and separate from the exaggerated, self pitying

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ungrateful, sort of response where we're carrying on and making a big scene and, etc, etc.

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One of the other benefits from this hadith notice the response of the Prophet sallallahu to set up

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a woman, the woman tells him to get lost. She basically says, mind your own business, you don't know what I'm going through, get out of here.

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And he's the Prophet of Allah. subhanaw taala, some Allahu alayhi wa sallam.

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He is the final messenger. He has the core and he is consummate MBA one most elite

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and the humility

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to walk away.

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Right, that's where you and I would want to argue back, right? Like, well, no, I have been through this before. I know what you're going through and you should listen and you shouldn't you know, whatever, you know, religion is sincere advice. And we have all these sorts of lies that we come up with the province have always recognized that this person was going through something emotional, and that it would not benefit them to talk any any longer. It would actually be embarrassing or humiliating to the prophesy centum to lower himself to this person's level to argue with them like that.

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So he left

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and then we learn that when the woman comes out, you know, she comes back to him because she learned who he is. This is there's this heavy blames that sort of attitude. The woman looked at how her tune changed.

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Once she learned who it was that said,

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the advice to her, which is the opposite of how we must be as Muslims and why the process of the law is

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Sir, because we do not have a cult of personality, right?

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No matter how great your shape is, or my shape, or the roadmap or whatever, everybody is a person at the end of the day.

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This isn't about personality cults. It's not about what he said what she said.

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People are judged by the truth.

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And the truth is not judged by who says it.

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A lot of people make this mistake these days, they hear a non Muslim say something.

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And they get carried away out of their ears out of their zeal for the religion.

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And they say, oh, what does this person know this person's have built the non believer, as persons, this and this person that this is the an honest logic attitude to have, even if it appears, if even if it appears like this person is actually being strict or being religious or deep or being pious. Why? Because the last con with the audit affirmed the true statements of an idol worshiper in the Koran didn't set up. Right. In the story of Saudi man and Saba.

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When Saba receives a letter from Sudan, then inviting her to Islam, she asks the mellette, she asks her advisors, what should we do? Should we basically go to war? Or should we?

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Or should we respond in a nice way and with diplomacy, and her advisors like, Listen, if you're ready to go to war, we're ready to go to war, but we're going to do whatever you say you tell us to do. And Saba decides to not go to war. And she is a worshipper of the Sun at this point.

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And the reasoning she gives in the Koran, a lot tells us is that when two nations go to war, the violence wipes out the talented, skilled, good people among both of them. And the last panel said, look at the allegory of value.

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He affirmed this statement, he didn't say, no, no, no, this person worships the sun. Don't listen to anything she said. She said something that was true. And the Prophet, excuse me on the last panel, tada affirmed.

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And so we should be if there's, there comes something that's true that we hear. So yes, this is true. It doesn't matter where it comes, where it came from.

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We don't look at the source of the information, we look at the information itself. And that was one of the mistakes of this woman in the hadith is that she was ready to accept it just when she she learned that it was the Prophet SAW, etc. But it's the same advice. It's the same advice before it's the same advice after it was true before. And it's true after she should not have made her acceptance of that advice dependent upon the identity of the person who said it. She should have weighed that advice according to its own merits.

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And so never argue with anybody. If somebody asked you and this happened to me recently, I was explained because we had all of what's going on in Palestine, we had a demonstration, a rally recently for Palestine, and somebody was, you know, talking to me about the permissibility of political demonstrations, and I was going into it, and I was addressing the nuts and bolts of the situation.

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And the response that some people give, well, that's not what so and so says,

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are my favorite, you know,

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when I've, I used to lead tour groups on Hajj and Umrah

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and so sometimes we would be in the same program, as you know, some of the more famous duat such as Yes, or baldy and armwrestling man and these guys. And someone would come to us with a question, and we would respond to it.

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And then the response would be, ah, that's not what Yes, your body says.

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And, you know, this has nothing to do with the extra quality, we are acquainted with each other, and I have respect for him, you know, but the attitude of the attitude of determining what is true based off of the identity of who's telling it to you, or the identity of where it's coming from, this is a mistake. This is a mistake that the prophesy centum tries to correct here. He told her to be patient. And that advice was true. Whether he was the prophesy Saddam or whether he wasn't. And she was the one who changed her tune. When she only when she discovered that it was the province that I set up that had said

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we're at for sisters out here I just came in where it had a 31 pretty short.

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The main point of the Hadith

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the main point of the heavy

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Is that

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true patience is demonstrated. The moment calamity hits

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You can't fake it.

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Right? It comes all of a sudden.

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And that's not to say that patience is the sort of mystical thing that's just, you know, given to you through revelation. And you know, you have it or you don't know, patience is like a reservoir. It's like a savings account. Okay? So the things that you do the piety and the righteous deeds that you perform, it's like saving up, saving up, saving, all of that time that you're remembering a lot in times of ease. When things are easy, and everything's going good in life. You're remembering Allah, that Allah is in control. But Allah is the most why's that a law is going to get me through this. And then boom, calamity strikes, something happens, you lose your job, divorce, you lose a

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loved one, a parent, a child, anything.

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That's the moment that exposes whether you've been saving up or not.

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The reaction that's had to it and we just talked a little bit ago about you know that there are acceptable natural reactions in grief. And there are things that are that are over the top that are exaggerated, that actually demonstrate a failure to submit to a loss about data and his wisdom and his will.

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So that moment exposes what you've been saving up for.

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If you've been saving up, it's going to demonstrate in that moment, it's not something where you can blow your top and blow your temper and lose your head.

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Basically, like this woman does in the Hadith, and then calmly gather yourself and say, Okay, now I'm going to be patient. Now, it's too late.

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You were already tested, whether you're going to be patient in that initial moment where the calamity struck. And you were either shown to have been somebody who has built up the capacity for patients or not.

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Any questions about that particular Hadith before we move on to the next one?

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Again, feel free to use the chat or unmute yourself.

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Okay, the following Hadith I'm going to read it from my translation because I don't particularly like the wording of this one here. But it's there for you to see. So this one is on the authority of Abu Hurayrah Radi Allahu Anhu most numerous Hadith narrator that we have and the Companions, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi salam said, that Allah azza wa jal says, which means that this is a heavy footsy This is where the prophesy Saddam is relating the words of ALLAH, that aren't part of the Koran, because Allah's words are more than just before the Koran is some of the last speech on the laws words, but there's more to Allah's words than just the Koran. Some of that speech is in

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Hadith currency. So Allah Spano, Tata says, I have no reward other than paradise for a believing servant of Mine, who remains patient for my sake, when I take away his beloved,

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his beloved one, from among the inhabitants of the world. This isn't Sahil Behati

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so this is a very straightforward Hadith where

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Allah subhanaw taala is telling us directly, that patience in the face of losing a loved one is one of the most Meritus

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and rewardable actions or deeds that we can, that we can have on our resume. Because it's difficult. Anything that can get you to paradise directly and quickly like that, it's going to be difficult. And remaining patient.

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In the moment of losing a loved one, someone that's dear to you in this world, is exactly that type of difficult. Meritus action. It's interesting that Allah is proud to Allah said not just who's patient, but who's patient for my sake. He said, because, again, the prophecy is set on the first Hadith I believe in the entire book in that I'm not open yet. All actions are according to their intentions.

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There's lots of reasons for people to be patient. Some people try to be patient, literally just so other people will say that they're patient. Yes, this happens people can show off with anything. Some people they want to be seen as pious and so they try to be patient or, or they try to project a patient persona as much as possible.

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But Allah subhanaw taala says specifically here who's patient for my sake,

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which show

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Was that you have to have the proper intention behind being patient. It's not just your patient so that you can get something out of this dunya

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whether it's praise, or whether it's a position or whether people, you know, think highly of you.

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But it's patient, because it's actually reflective of your worldview, you actually your priorities are, that you know that this world is just a game that this world is going to be over soon, your life is so short.

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And everything that comes to you, the good, the bad, the hard, the easy, it's all just opportunities to build your, your house in paradise.

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So why is losing a loved one,

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so challenging, and therefore so meritorious, if we can be patient, for the sake of Allah, because it shows the strength

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of those priorities. And it shows the clarity of vision.

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Somebody who's not deluded by this world, and somebody who really, really really feels

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every hour, if not every minute of every day, that the real life is going to happen after we die.

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That type of person

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can be patient in the face of loss of a loved one for the sake of Allah.

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Whereas other people who can't reach that level, and it's probably most of us, it's probably you and me.

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It's because we love the dunya a little bit too much.

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We love our familiarity, our relationships, the relationships that we have with our spouses or the relationships we have with our kids, the relationships that we have,

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with people in our lives, our parents,

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we love them, maybe maybe a little bit too much to the point that we're a little bit attached to them.

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And that would come out if we're not able to be patient in the time of their demise.

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The next hottie 33

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weren't good on time.

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From Aisha Odilo on Hmm.

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Also one of the mcphedran, one of the most numerous narrators of Hadith we have so far today and us, I have over IRA and we have

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so those are three of the seven most numerous narrators of Hadith, they all narrated over 1000 Hadith of the Prophet slaves. So this is a Hadith that's very applicable to our times, I should ask the messenger, so Allahu alayhi wa sallam

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about the plague,

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pandemics, right. And he said it as a punishment, which a law sends upon whomsoever He wills. But a law has made it a mercy to the believers.

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Anyone who remains in a town which is subject to the plague

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and they are patient in that place, expecting reward from Allah subhanaw taala. And knowing that nothing is actually going to happen,

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except other than what Allah has willed.

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Nothing's going to happen except what Allah has willed. That person, if they die, they're going to receive the reward of a martyr, Shahid.

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So in terms of pandemic, there's a lot of applicable lessons here. First of all, one of the interesting things is that it's the province lies that says that it's both a punishment and a mercy.

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Sometimes things happen, like, you know, pandemics and tornadoes and hurricanes and earthquakes. And we kind of have people jumping to say, this is a punishment of a lawn, everyone needs to turn back then to say, you know, oh, no, it's not a punishment, this is so on such and such and such. It can be multiple things at once. Right? If the shoe fits, we would say whereas if you're a kind of person

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if you're the kind of person who needs to be shaken awake,

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who needs to kind of be

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showed a sign a dramatic signs, like, Yo, this is no joke this life, you know, you could be gone tomorrow, then yeah, it's that kind of sign for you.

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And if you're the type of person that's already kind of ready.

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That's already kind of ready to receive it that understands how this world operates that has your priorities straight and this is the mercy for you. How's that a punishment?

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You understand that your life's going to end very soon. You're living for the afterlife, you've got your ducks in a row. How can it be punishment for that sort of person and

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In every place, there's a mix, there's a mix of both types of people and everywhere in between. So there's no need to pin it down and say this one thing is a punishment, or it's this is a mercy, it can be both.

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And Allah subhanaw taala gives us these tests and opportunities to show and expose our priorities, and demonstrate what we're really made of. And we see the common thread between this hadith and the previous hubbie. That

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what we're getting at here is reliance upon a loss pilotage, faith and Allah subhanaw taala. Why was the previous hottie? What was the point of it, losing a loved one is extremely difficult because it touches something so personal to us. Our most, our closest, most intimate relationships, all of our memories are tied up into the people that we love. That's why it's such a test. Well, what's what is it about a plague? Or what is it about a pandemic that tests us, is that it has to do with our health.

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And our health is similarly so central to who we are, it affects every single thing that we do, if you've ever thrown out your back or had back pain,

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right? It's like every single movement and motion is affected, and you're reminded every single second that it's there.

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And certainly something that is a plague that can flat out kill you.

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It's like, it's a little bit scarier than you know, your normal thing. Because it's like death is knocking on your doorstep.

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Everybody knows that they're going to die. But it's not like the threat of death is at your door every single day, at least for most of us.

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But when a plague or a pandemic comes, okay, it's like, oh, death is in town. Right? And it might reach you. And so there's kind of an immediacy where it's like a very, very real scenario. And it's going to show your priorities. Are you going to keep your head? Are you going to realize that everything that happens is a law as well.

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And nothing can happen except a law as well?

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Or are we going to make the mistake of

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putting our full reliance in

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the causes and means that Allah subhanaw taala has created, right? So let's imagine you know, you got the vaccine, you've got washing your hands, you've got hand sanitizer, we've seen it, we got the face masks, we got the shields all this stuff, right? These are causes that a loss patata created in order to avoid disease. There's nothing wrong with that.

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But at the end of the day, as a person of faith, we have to believe that Allah has already decided what's going to happen.

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We don't put all of our hope and all of our fear

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in these things that Allah created because Allah is the one that gets put aside. Isn't it true? Haven't I've known people and I'm sure you guys have to, that have done every single precaution

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and have still gotten sick by Coronavirus. And then you've probably known other people that have done nothing to stop it, that they're out there. They're living life just as if nothing happened, and they never caught it.

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Yes, we're responsible to take the means that are available to us. But we don't put our full hope. And our full fear in those means that a lost pounds Allah created.

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We have to rely upon Allah who is the causer of causes more than we rely upon the causes that he created.

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Which is also why the prophesy said I'm told us to stay put to not travel around in the situation of a plague or pandemic, don't go from city to city don't go from country to country, especially in the early stages when it's really coming. Because why do most people leave?

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People leave because they're afraid.

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People leave because they think they're going to save themselves.

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And what they're really doing is they're putting other people in jeopardy, right? Aren't they, if they carry the disease to another place now, you might just not be affected personally, but you might be responsible for

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making this disease pass on to an entire city or country that didn't have it before.

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So essentially, you're putting your own personal interests over the common good by trying to run away from this thing. A lot doesn't want that. The problem is that I'm told us not to do that. Stay put, bear it patiently. Take the precautions the law has created. But trust in a law and know that nothing is going to happen to you except for the last bout data as well.

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The last point about this particular Hadith

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And I guess we'll close with this and we'll leave some room for questions. Because we're getting close to the end of the class time.

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Is the prophesies that I mentioned martyrs, okay

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yeah, oh great, perfect. We got about how to exactly what I was going to exactly what I was going to address. So the last statement of this hadith and this is authentic hadith in Sahih Bukhari are the prophecies that I'm said, if you do all that, okay, you stay in your city, you don't,

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you don't fly away, you know, you know, try to escape it and you're patient.

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You understand that whatever is gonna happen to you is by the will of Allah.

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And if you die after that, then you are shaheed

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then you are a martyr

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or you get the reward of a murderer and that's an important distinction. So we find in many Hadith, the prophet slaves that I'm such and such a person dies of Shaheed they die a martyr, so a woman

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bearing children, right and delivering in childbirth, if a woman dies in childbirth, she has she's a martyr.

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Right? And there's several other things dying from a play, et cetera, et cetera. what's meant by these particular Hadith, there's two types of martyrs. There's a martyr in the dunya. This is the what normally comes to mind when we think about a martyr somebody who's fighting feasts of jihad, a legitimate you know, struggle, and they are killed. That person is a martyr in the dunya and in the afterlife, and then there are martyrs in the afterlife. Right? Meaning that they have the reward of a martyr.

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So, women who died during childbirth, people who die from plague or from the pandemic, as long as they meet those other conditions that were mentioned in the Hadith, yes, they will have the reward of a martyr in paradise. Why is it important that distinguishing the distinction between the two is because a martyr who is killed in the battlefield, we do the funeral prayer different, all right, we don't have to wash them there's different rules for how to to bury them. Whereas a woman who dies in childbirth someone who died from COVID-19, or any other sort of plague or plague or a pandemic, we still have to wash them as if they're any other person and they will have the reward of a martyr in

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the afterlife

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and that brings us to the end of this hadith any one have any questions about anything at all something we cover something we didn't cover?

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Related not related?

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I mean

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take your time, do any questions, go ahead and you can take them out or you can unmute yourself, give me a couple of minutes to think of anything.

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Okay, it looks like that's it. Thank you very much, everybody.

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May Allah bless this gathering and make this beneficial knowledge in our knees out on a day of judgment in sha Allah said I'm ready