The Muslim Family #40 – Be Just to Your Children
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
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Episode Transcript ©
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leeuw Alhamdulillah hirak Bill alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was sorely Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge main Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. Welcome to another installment from the series on the Muslim family. After a really large number of episodes, a big chunk talking about tarbiyah education and Islamic education and as well as education in terms of the worldly sciences, we now come to talk about some other rights of the children and obligations of the parents. And if you remember, our discussion on therapy actually started as one of the rights of the children over the parents and and it sort of branched off into a number of different aspects.
So now we bring in our discussion back to the rights of the children and the obligations that the parents have towards their children. And for our first Hadith we're going to look at a hadith of Sal even said, Ravi Allahu, and and not all lice Allah love it was cinema or to be shot Ivan for Shetty Bowman Wang Yemeni Hola, Manya Sadie, he Alessia
certainly been set the alarm and he narrates the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was brought a drink, and he drank from it. On his right hand side was a boy, a young boy. And on his left hand side were Alessia, the older people, there are people of maturity in the gathering. And of course, you can imagine if the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam drank from a glass or from a vessel that everybody would wish to drink from it, in order to gain the Baraka that Allah subhanaw taala has put within the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and that is something permissible the Sahaba used to do in the prophets eyes and didn't used to prevent them from seeking the balaka from
the things the Prophet size them had, had used and had drank from and had touched his clothing and so on and so forth. So here, who is in the position to receive that, that drink that the profitsystem had drank from? Who was in that position? on his right hand side is a young boy. And on his left hand side are all the mature the adults, the senior people in the gathering for color ulam he said to the young boy attack, then only an Oracle Yeah, how do you give me permission to give to these people? So look at how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam sought permission from this young boy and asked him Do I Do you give me permission and then lead you give me permission to give
to these people? And that shows that the right of the child it has to be given importance, and the children should be given their rights even if it means that the older people they have to come second if that child is in a position or is in a situation where they deserve a certain rate. I tell them what do you give me permission to give to these people? for Kyle Hola, como la jolla Rasul Allah, La or theodorou phenol Cb minca, a Haida. He said by Allah or messenger of Allah, I will not allow anyone else to take my share of what is from you.
Paul patella, who Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam afiya de so the Messenger of Allah cisilion took it and put it in his hand.
So hon Allah, this is an amazing Hadith about the rights of the children
on the left hand side of the Prophet size, and in our the gatherings of the senior, the senior people are gathered, the people who perhaps among them among the senior Sahaba of the alarm, I know and those highest in virtue are because that child was on his right hand side. Because as soon as the pastor the right hand side, the profitsystem asked him Would it be okay? Is it alright if I give it to those people? Because we know the Prophet size and he said cable cable, give it to the older one give it to the older one. And yet because this young boy was on his right hand side, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, Do you give me permission to give it to them? He said, by
all mislead by a lot of messenger of Allah. And look at the etiquette of the way the boy replies very, very, very well managed, he says, By Allah or messenger of Allah, La author and an ethos is to give someone what is you
All right, and you deserve it to give it up for someone else. He said, I will not give up my right my portion of my rights from you to anybody. So the Prophet size and gave it and put it in his hand. So Subhanallah here we have so many benefits in this hadith as it relates to the rights of our children. And among the benefits we can take from this hadith as it relates to the right of our children is that the children's rights are to be given to them, even if that is at the expense of an adult or someone else who you might wish to give preference to. But the fact that Islam gives the child that right, the right is to be given to them, and the importance of the rights of the
children, and how seriously the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam took it and took them and how the prophets I said ask permission. And from this we can take that if we do infringe upon the rights of our children in some way we are we we wish to give preference to someone else that we ask permission from them, and if they don't give permission, then we fulfill their rights to them for our equal love you happy haka. Give everyone who has a right over you. There right. Our next Heidi and Abby who ryotaro do love wine, and UK ragna hobbies in robiola one Apsara Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ucop bill has an akula even have his he saw the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
kissing for color in nearly ashati Meanwhile, Eddie ma bell to wahida Minho, Takata Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in the home and layer him like
he said, I have 10 children, and I have never kissed any of them.
The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy. And in this Hadith, we can see the right of our children for us to show them affection.
To show them affection, show them that we love them. The Prophet sighs and kiss still has a perhaps on the forehead, or something like that. When you take your you know, your small child, you kiss them on the forehead or you kiss them on the cheek. You see, this is from the means that you show your affection and your love and your care for your children. And this is a right of the child. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam responded to him when when, right when he said that I have 10 children, and I never kissed any of them. He was surprised at the action of the Prophet. So I said, he saw perhaps this wasn't perhaps what the man or the father figure would do. He was surprised to
see the Prophet sighs and kiss, Allah hasn't. So he said, I have 10 children. And I've never kissed any one of them, and the Prophet size and replied to him with a general principle, in a human layer him or her, whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy. And this also tells us that from the rights of our children is that we show them mercy, we're merciful towards them. And as we said, we show them our love and our affection. And we don't rely on the fact that they should know that. Or they should just appreciate that, that you know, we're their parents, and they should know that we love them and we care about them. But we should show our affection and we shouldn't feel that that
especially for the fathers, because many times the mother is happy to show her affection for our children. But sometimes it's a father figure maybe he feels like and even until today in some cultures among the Muslims this culture is that the father figure doesn't show that affection and that love and that care to the children. But this is not from the Sunnah of the Prophet sighs and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to show affection and care and consideration to his children to his grandchildren. And he said that as an example, men lay out lay or whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy. Our next Hadeeth and in romantic niboshi earlier loveline Homer
Paul tasa de la Abby bow the Murli for Carlat meet ammirato been to our lovely Allahu
la Alba had to shahida Rasul Allah his solo lover and he was sick. And normally when Bashir Ravi Allahu anhu met me I love you Please with him and his father. He said, my father gave me some of his wealth,
gave it as a charity to me a gift to give me some of his wealth. So my mother who was amre bent our her, may Allah be pleased with her. She said, I will not be content until you go and take the witness of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam you go and you have the Messenger of Allah say some witness that you're giving this to and Norma he said, Robin
Have an enormous pressure on the old man he said from Tyler Abbey era Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Yoshida who Allah sada hottie. He said that my father, he went to the Prophet sighs alum to ask him to be a witness to the sada his gift that he had given him for court Allah who Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, if I alter her, that'd be well a deca coolie him cornella. He said, Did you do this for all of your children? Did you give them all the same? He said, No. The prophets lie Selim said they'll call it tabula, where adeolu feola decom. He said, Fear Allah have Taqwa of Allah, and be just to your
children. For Raja Abbey, Florida. tilaka sada. So my father, he came back and he took back this sadaqa he changed his mind about this sadhaka he had given to him in an aeration it's mentioned that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said Fallout two she didn't he he then for inilah ash head, Allah joke, he said, Don't make me a witness, then if you haven't given this to other children, don't make me a witness, then, because I will not testify to oppression. I will not testify to oppression
and in another narration is mentioned that the Prophet sighs alum said the ash hid Allah had the hiree thermopile is so Roca and near kuno la castleberry Sauer Karla Bella, Carla Fela even.
He said in another narration, the prophet size and said, Tell someone else to be a witness. And in another narration, he said, Would you be content? Or do you wish? Would it make you happy for all of those children to be the same in their righteousness towards you? Would it would you be happy for all those children to be the same in the righteousness towards you? He said, certainly I would love for them to be not all of them better, I would wish for all of them to be righteous, good towards me as a child, the prophets I some said fell out even in that case, don't give one of them more than you give the other one. And these are Hades are in Bukhari, and Muslim in Sahih, hain various
different wordings of the Hadith. So this hadith is a fundamental principle as it relates to our children and their rights. And that is the right of justice and fairness between the children. And here, it relates to the giving of gifts, and that is that it is obligatory upon a Muslim, and it's an obligation upon every parent to be fair, and just in the gifts that they give to their children. Now we have to understand that there is a difference between an Heba or an ADA giving a gift idea. And there is a gift, a difference between a limb and in fact, is where you spend the obligatory spending upon your children, like you buy them clothes, and so on. Or you provide the accommodation
and food for them. So they don't have to be equal in this. But you have to give each one What is the need and what is fair. So for example, you have, let's say, a teenage boy, and you have a small baby boy, let's see, as an example, no doubt, a teenage boy is not going to eat the same amount of food that the baby boy is going to eat, the two of them are going to be different. So it's not the case that if you spent, let's say, $20 in a week, or $50 in a week, and you spent that upon the food for your older son, you had to spend the same upon the food for your for the baby son, because the two is not going to be are not going to be the same. Likewise, clothing. It also it could be the other
way around. It could be that the older child, when it comes to clothing, he's not growing so quickly. So he's keeping his clothing for longer. But the younger child is growing so quickly that you're buying new clothing for them all the time. What's required is that you do what you can for each one, according to what they need. This is in fact, this is spending upon them. And that's the obligation of the parent to spend upon their child, like the obligation of the husband to spend upon his wife that we've already spoken about. But when it comes to giving a gift, which is additional to the basic needs that the Father has to provide for his children, like the the clothing, and the
food, and the shelter, and so on, what additional to that and it comes to the matters of giving them gifts, then the gifts that he gives, he has to be fair in them. And the scholars they differed over what it means to be fair in this issue
and they differ in according to some different opinions.
Within the different mother hip, a different mother hip, and they differ on a particular issue. In all honesty, there was one particular thing that was their contention. And that is the difference between the boys and the girls in giving the gifts. So we know when it comes to inheritance,
we know when it comes to when it comes to inheritance, that in inheritance live there carry me through how they own thing, allies, which I said, you'll see from a law Viola decom, live there carry myths do have their own thing, Allah gives you instruction with regard to your children, or a lot takes a covenant from you with regard to your children, for the male is twice that of the female, from the wisdom of this is that the male child generally has to make, in fact usually has to spend upon others. As for the female child, then she usually doesn't have to spend upon anyone, it's very rare that she has any obligation to spend upon someone in most cases. So usually, the majority
of that money will be for her alone, whereas for the male child is more likely he will spend upon other people will have to spend upon other people. So here the scholars differed over the money that is given as a gift to your children.
Is it taught to be equal? And that's what would be indicated from the Heidi through an amount of machine that is totally equal. Because here Did you give this to all of your children? And he didn't say did you give double to the boys and and then Did you or did you give one portion to the girls and two portion to the boys? he simply said, Danica B while Erica Cooley him, did you do that for all of your children? So here There isn't a clear distinction between the boys and the girls, or the College Hall. This is the code of the majority of the earlimart they said the boys and the girls in this are equal. So everyone gets an equal amount. And as for the metaphor of Le mt armet Rahim Allah
with Allah This is that we should follow the distribution of the inheritance live Zachary mithril How will on paying for the boy twice that of what is for the girl. And the reason they said that is they said no one is more just than Allah. And Allah is the agenda distributed the wealth of that parent live there Kelly mythical have their own saying that the boy gets twice that of what the girl gets. And giving a gift is only in your life is only a precursor. It's something that comes prior to the distribution of the wealth after death. So it doesn't make sense that during a person's life he gives to all of the children equally, but as soon as he dies, that came to have the unveiling, the
boys get twice that of what the girls get. So that is the metabolic map. And the john hoard the majority from the Maliki Russia, ferry and others they said that it is equal, it is equal in this regard to the boys and the girls in terms of gifts should be equal. And Allah azza wa jal knows best from the rights of our children, is the right for us to defend them against those who would wish harm for them, or to defend their rights and to look look out for them to be there for them and to kind of look out for them. From the evidences for this is a hadith a hadith of Mishaal Rama, that the messenger he heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allen remember
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have sought my permission
to match for them to marry their daughter to Ali been Abby phylip fella and I do not give them permission for this summer Allah, then Allah and I do not give them permission for this sumela alone and I will not give them permission I do not give them permission for this Illa in your head bednet Abby Libin annual magneti Wang ke ha Magneto he said unless it is the case, that Ebon Evie pilot Holly and every pilot pro the long line wants to divorce my daughter and marry their daughter for in magneti biloba itune Mini for my daughter is just a part of me.
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He said that whatever causes her discomfort causes me discomfort, whatever causes her harm, causes me harm. So in this hadith we see how the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam defended Fatima and her interests rather loveable and how about her
And this and that was that they sort of marriage for a living avatar lip, there was some people who sort of marriage for element Abbey ta lib with the daughter of Abu Jen.
And here the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he didn't give permission for that, because he knew that Fatima would, would suffer from it. And in other words, that what happens between the CO wives and words would pass between them. And even though this marriage was not harmful, even every time, but the Prophet sighs and knew it would hurt him. And he knew it wasn't the issue of early marrying again, that was the problem as some people put forward, but it was the fact that he would be married to a family who had within them those were enemies to the messenger of a loss of a loved one it was send them and that could come back to hurt Fatima and it could come back to be used
against faulty model the loved one and look at what the prophets said Fatima is a part of me. Fatima is a part of me, if something makes her anxious, it makes me anxious. If something harms her or harms me, the way he defended his daughter sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what are the allowable under her and this is a write our children have a right our children have. And not everyone can get involved in the same way Because ultimately, this is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And we have to observe the proper Islamic rules of what we can and can't get involved in with regard to our children. But at the same time, we the concept of defending our children, and one of them gets
bullied at school or one of them goes through a hard time or someone hurts them or harms them. And they feel that their parents won't stand up for them, or their parents won't be there for them. Like this parent is not fulfilling the right of their child, the right of the child is that you stand up for them. And you're there for them. Like Fatima knew that her father Salatu was Salam who la would be there for her and would stand up for her. That's the kind of feeling our children should have for towards their parents that we will defend them and we will look after them. And that doesn't mean defending them against it in a wrong way, defending them against something they've done that's
wrong, or defending them at all costs, like to the extent where you say that doesn't matter what you've done, or what you've said, I'll still defend you, but the concept that you just will, we will support them, and we will look after their interest and we will stand up for them. And also taking an interest in the games that the children play. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to encourage this. And with regard to eyeshadow, viola, when her she was playing with some dolls, or he saw that she had some dolls, and he asked her about them, that if you see they're playing with something and you ask them, What are you playing with? What are these things that you have here and
you take an interest in them. This is some one of the things that a parent should do but we have another evidence to support this with regard to the children. And this is a hadith which is narrated from the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and that also Lysol Allahu alayhi wa sallam Mandala be Abdullah hip knee Jaffa well Who are you to be real men. I was to be on
call Allahumma barik la houfy Bay this Hadees narrated by a Papa Ronnie.
And in this hadith the Messenger of Allah so I sent him he passed by Abdullah in Jaffa and he was a biru they ll man he was playing salad buying and selling the way the children do. He was playing with the children buying and selling games like playing shopkeeper or something like that. You know you be the man that selling that the children do supply playing with a shop or playing selling games with the children Buying and selling. And the prophet SAW Selim he passed by him and he said Oh Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction.
Or Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction. So Allah bless him in it shows the that the Prophet sizes approved of him playing games with the children. He was teaching them it's not a it's not a foolish game. It's not a game that contains anything harm by just they pretending to buy and sell, you're gonna buy this from me, how much would you buy it from Okay, I will buy it from you. And they will, you know, they have some pretend money or something like that and they play like that. That is something that is praiseworthy. So it's good to play with your children. And it's good to ask them about the games that they're playing. And that is something that the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he approved of salatu wa he was LMR le so that's all we have time for in this episode, but we're going to be continuing on with one more episode inshallah to Allah, on the rights of our children and the obligations of the parents towards them. That's what allowed it easy for me to mention and Allah knows best or Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad while early he also happy he may select
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