The Muslim Family #22 – The Correct Way for a Husband to Divorce His Wife
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
File Size: 21.07MB
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Lu al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was salam, Omar Abdullah he was solely Nabina Muhammad wa ala only he was a happy etchmiadzin Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Welcome to another episode from the short course on the Muslim family brought to you by an madrasa to Romania.
I have a question to begin this episode. And if you've been following this short course, all the way from the beginning, I hope inshallah you'll be able to answer this question.
Do you think there's ever a case where a man divorcing a woman could be something, which is good for her? Can you think back to any evidence that we have mentioned or any narrations we had mentioned? Why aren't we have mentioned that might indicate or that might? Give us an answer to that? Have a think.
So hopefully, you had a little Think about that. The one that came to mind is in the Hadeeth avanzato. We mentioned the woman who she complained and she said she said that in unclick or Palak. Were in escalate, or Allah. If I speak, I'll be divorced. And if I'm silent, I'll be left hanging. And we said, that is not allowed for a man to leave his wife stuck like that. She's neither a wife, nor is she a divorce. He doesn't let her get married to someone else. And he doesn't treat her like a wife. And the reason I started with that question is that in this episode, we're going to deal with issues relating to divorce. Now, again, someone might say,
Mohammed, Tim, are you not here to tell us about how to have happy family, happy family life? Why are we talking about divorce? But the reality is, that there are a couple of reasons why I want to talk about divorce. Number one, sometimes divorce can be the kindest thing, when the alternative to that divorce is oppression, Misery, sadness, the woman being stuck without having a chance to be happy. Divorce is not harm in Islam. Generally speaking, it's not harm in a in a general sense. And therefore, we shouldn't have that, you know, kind of thing that maybe some people have taken from the Christians, whereby, you know, divorce is one of the great one of the major sins or Kabira, from
the Cabal. In reality for some people, it's sometimes the kindest thing. But the other reason why I want to talk about divorce is I see that some of the biggest mistakes and the things which ruin, not only marriages, but ruin children's lives, and ruin entire families are not knowing the proper etiquettes of divorce. And therefore, a person when they get an angry, they're going through marital issues and having issues of marital Discord. And the end result is that they are doing an Islamic things as it relates to the divorce. And they're sometimes ruining the situation for themselves, for their spouses for their children, and leaving them you know, almost living a life of just misery
because they turn away from the Sunnah in real life really in relation to the etiquettes of divorce. So even though, you know, I don't really want you know, to kind of, it's not, I'm not here to inspire people to get divorced at all, in fact, the opposite. We're here to help people to have a happy and successful marriage. We do want people to understand their rulings and the etiquettes of it. So if it did ever happen to them, they know what to do and what not to do. And this gives the marriage a much greater chance of being saved than if they don't know what to do, in which case, they find themselves in a situation where they have divorced their wife in such a way that they
can't bring her back. They can't get back together again. The children's lives are ruined, their lives are ruined, and everything just breaks apart for the whole family. And that's not what Islam requires what Islam advocates as it relates to divorce. So for that reason, I do believe it is important for everyone to understand the rulings of divorce and what to do and what not to do and what Islam allows on what Islam doesn't allow as it relates to divorce and inshallah to Allah. This won't be something that many of us have to go through. I hope that
those of us who are married
We remain in happy and successful marriages. But it's something we should be aware of so that we don't fall into errors with regard to it that might end up ruining the long term viability of that marriage. And we mentioned this also in the same Heidi's avanzada. When we talked about the woman who said in antic, autolock, if I speak, the man will divorce me is that rapid fire, divorce, just Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce divorce. And that is such a dangerous thing. Because it can honestly lead to a man cutting all of his options off and being left with no choice, but to leave a woman that he actually loves and is happy with. But because he couldn't control his anger, and he
couldn't treat her the way she deserved to be tret he ended up causing a problem for himself, and even for his children, and even for a wider family as well. So it's really important that we understand this situation and this topic, even if it's not the nicest topic that we want to talk about, but it has to be dealt with. So there are times when divorce might be the kind of thing to do. Definitely a man should not be leaving his wife, Kellen Moore, I look like she is just stuck. Neither is she a wife, nor is she a divorcee that she can go and marry someone else. Nor is she a wife that he treats her well. So he kind of just leaves us stuck there, not allowing her to get on
with her life, and also not treating her as a wife. So in that case, it might be a merciful thing to do, but whether it's merciful or whether it's something that is supposed to be avoided, but ultimately one way or the other, it has to be done the way that Islam legislated for it to be done. That's what's really important. So, in terms of the language, the word Palak, it is to it is to remove or to get yourself out of a contract.
So this is from the word originally from luck, which it can mean a turkey can mean and Sal, and it is true, as we say to undo your obligation to remove your obligation. That's what the word originally means. And as for in the religion of Islam, it is to undo the contract of marriage by pronouncing the word polyp or divorce or similar words or similar things. So is to undo that contract. It's a way of exiting that contract. Now, when we're going to talk about the word talaq here, and there are different ebara different words that are LMA use, but we're going to talk about talaaq here, and we're going to talk about what is in the hands of the husband, we are going to also
talk about a hula which is in the hands of a wife, which is sometimes what some of the scholars call talaaq be a what they call it divorce, with in return for something or a hula. We're going to talk about that separately. inshallah. Right now, we're talking about a man who wants to get himself out of the marriage contract. That's what we're going to talk about in this particular segment in Sha, Allah, a man wants to get himself out of a marriage contract. So in sort of the bacara
Eliza which said, For infer or for in the love of all Rahim when as mo talaga, for Enola her semi on Ali,
decide to come back together, then Allah subhanaw taala is of affordable Rahim and if the decision is made to continue the talaq, then Allah is semi on Ali. And Allah is Allah is semi on Ali. And the Hadith we mentioned of ebihara probably Allah one color color also Lai sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in alma mater Julio cosmin lilla Len testa p Malika Allah tariqa for any stem territory, Bihar Eastham territory, Bihar, Bihar a watch what in the hepta to Primo haka Salta. Her work has Rojas tala Hua
so if you enjoy your life with the woman she was created from the bank rib and it will never be straight for you. If you enjoy your life with her you enjoy your life with her and there are there that bend is still there. And if you try to straighten her out, you will break her and breaking her is divorcing her. Why do you think we brought this ayah and this hadith the iron sword to Bukhara why in as mo tala Kapha in the law Semyon it
The Heidi here the Heidi viharaya law that that divorce or breaking her is divorcing her Why do you think that we brought these two texts in the topic of divorce? What can we take from these two texts? Have a think about that? Pause the video Have a think
so inshallah to Allah you pause the video you had to think we brought these two to show that divorce without reason is something disliked to allies. Now there is a hadith which is reported, which is from Elmo stare lllc. Now, it's very commonly reported that abogado halali ilala talaaq, the most hated of the halaal things to Allah is talaq this hide is not authentic as a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. However, there is evidence for the principle within it, and that is that divorce is something disliked to Allah as origin unless it has a valid reason for it. And we can take that from the ayah because Allah said fine wine as mo talaga Enola Semyon Eileen mean, there is
a degree of threat there, there is a degree of that Allah can see everything and knows everything. If you decide to divorce her, Allah can see you and Allah knows what you're doing. So there's a degree of threat and a degree of a warning, overtaking divorce to be something easy. And in this hadith of Abu hurayrah, the prophet said describe divorce as breaking her. So even though divorce is something which Allah azza wa jal has made permissible for the man, it is something which if it is done without a reason, and without a valid reason for it, it is something that is disliked to Allah Subhana Allah and we can take that from this evidence that we have put forward here. And filburn
rhodiola, who narrated the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said a human a human la Salat zoologia Hara tylar Canfield ad man, that is the hot arm when I lay her or her to agenda. Whichever woman asks her husband for divorce without him having done anything wrong for her, against her, it is forbidden for her to smell the scent of paradise. So again, this is another thing which tells us that even though divorce is something allowed for a husband to do, it is not something which is pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala when it's done without a valid reason, and without any any cause for it.
Another evidence that we can put forward for the same principle is a Heidi from jabbering Abdullah of the Allahumma and now who call caller Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a belief say about our Shehu Alma familia, but I thought suraiya
for a dinner hoomin humann Zilla 10 our vamo home fitnah Yeah, gee, I had a home fire cool. 32 kether worker, fair kulu masan attache,
a police sends out his armies or his soldiers to do his job.
And the ones that are closest to a police in position are the ones who cause the most trouble. One of them comes and says I did this and that. And the police says to him, you haven't done anything. They report back to the police. Anybody says you haven't done anything. So Mayor Gee, I had a home fire cool man talk to who had four rock to bainer who have been MIT.
Then another one comes and says I didn't leave that man until I broke up between him and between his wife. Pile feijoada knee He Minho. waiuku knee and he believes brings him near to him and says what an excellent job you have done. What an excellent shape on UI what an excellent shape on you are that you broke up between the husband and the wife. And again, if we're talking about the details of divorce, there's a strong evidence that divorce without a reason and without a need is something which is from the from the works of the shape on and something which is pleasing to a police and is not pleasing to Allah azza wa jal that if it's done without a need, and without a reason. Despite
that, it is not forbidden for a man to divorce his wife. So we have to have a balance here. We say it's permissible, it's in his hands. But every time it's done without reason, it's not something praiseworthy, and it's not something beneficial. So a person should take it seriously and shouldn't embark upon
Pointing quickly because it is something that is being encouraged by the shake on and not something which is encouraged by Allah azzawajal unless there is a valid Islamic reason to do so. A lot so we just said in sort of talaq I number two fader belovedness agilon for mc kohana be marked off in L 34. When Evie models were issued all their way idli mean como akima Shahada, Lila, Allah azza wa jal, he said, and if they reached their appointed time, then either keep them in a good way, or let them go in a good way.
And let two people of trust two trustworthy people among you bear witness to this, and let them establish the witness for Allah. So here, this tells us a few things about the issue of divorce, it tells us that divorce is in the hands of the man. And it tells us that when the period of the divorce finishes, then the man has either to bring his wife back in a good way and let her live with him as a wife, or let her go in a good way and treat her well in both ways. It also tells us that it's recommended or not obligatory, for there to be witnesses to the divorce and to him bringing his wife back in order for the matter to be clear, and saw that there isn't any confusion among them. So
at this point, I would like just to talk about the basic structure of divorce in Islam.
So a man divorces his wife. The first question is, when does he divorces wife? When is he allowed to divorce his wife. This is mentioned any Heidi's have given him an order of the law one, or an effort or Tafseer of him Mr. Order of the law one with regard to the statement of Eliza which lfl paliku nearly a deti hiner divorce them for their unit for the P for the eight day period. And he said about it for you to her in meanwhile Iijima it refers to divorcing them in a time of purity. When there have not been a wedding there has not been any intimacy between them. So this is the first thing that we're going to establish about the Islamic etiquette of divorce is that the only time a
man is allowed to issue a tala to issue a word of divorce to his wife is in a time of purity. So she cannot be menstruating. She's on her menses, he should not be issuing any divorce at that time. And that's from the softness and gentleness of Islam. Because first of all, at that time, maybe they're not as close to one another as they would otherwise be because of that intimacy not being there. Maybe she's also emotionally less stable than she would otherwise be. She and there might be a reason for him somehow easy to get frustrated with her. So Islam didn't allow him to divorce her when she is on her menses and Islam didn't allow him to divorce her in a time period where they have
been intimate with one another.
So if intimacy has happened, then the next time that he can divorce her is after she finishes her next menstrual cycle. So to be clear, if they've been intimate, they've been intimate with one another.
After they've been intimate with one another, he has to wait until after her menstrual cycle finishes. And then he can issue his divorce. He can't issue the divorce during the time during the time period where they've been intimate with one another, and he can't issue it when she's on her menses so she has to be out of her menses and they cannot have been any intimacy between them in that since the last menstrual period.
That means that typically, how long would a man have to wait? Before he can actually process this can actually go through with this divorce. Typically, on average, he's going to have to wait probably a month or more before he can even say the words of divorce. And this shows us the misconception that so many people have that a man instantly he can just divorce whenever he wants. He can just say Pollock, and that's it. In reality, you can't just say Pollock, usually, the couple will have been intimate.
normal part of marriage. And so he'll have to wait until First of all, she starts the menstrual period. Then she finishes the menstrual period and they haven't been intimate once again, then he can issue the talaq. So it's not an instant Pollak, as many people think. In many situations, he will have to wait. That gives him time to think about things. It gives him time for his emotions to go down for his anger to go down, maybe for the things that will become rectified during even that time before the Turlock is even issued. So now let's presume the talaq has been issued, the clock has been issued, the talaq has been issued. And in here, we're not going to overly complicate things
by talking about the woman that hasn't been intimate with a husband and being the one who is like he divorced her before the marriage contract after the marriage contract and before they were alone together. We're not going to go too much into that but because most of you were talking about families, so we're talking about situation where they're being together, they live together as husband or wife, they have been to one another, the marriage is broken down. Now, what does he do so he's waited.
He waits, the menstrual period starts and finishes. There's no intimacy happened between them after that he issues to divorce. Now he has to wait for the death and the death like Alesia just said for quality Whoa, whoa Nelly deti hiner divorce them for the extent of their ADA, the ADA is three menstrual periods. So now, he it took him already a month before he could issue the divorce a month but in many in many cases, if not the average case, before you can even issue the talaq will take him maybe a month
or a few weeks. Now he issues the talaq.
One menstrual period goes to menstrual periods go three. If she doesn't have menstrual periods, then it goes by regular months, but most of them will have already met regular masterpiece. So he is going to go 123
in that three months. He lives with her as a wife. She stays with him in the house lataguri Giuliana, min boo Tina valaya origin, she's not allowed to go and leave the house and say I'm going to go stay with my parents. He's not allowed to kick out of the house. They live together as husband and wife for what is usually three full months.
There's none of this talaq talaq, talaq, talaq, talaq, you know, multiple catalogs, divorce, your divorce, your divorce, your divorce, you know, none of this stuff. Instead, one divorce three menstrual periods, three months, typically, he stays living with her in the same house as his wife.
Then he has a choice. Either he decides in that three months to take her back, or to let her go.
Either he's gonna, he's gonna take her back in a good way. Like we said, we spoke about the idea. He's either gonna take her back in a good way, or he's gonna let her go
in a good way. So he's either going to keep in a good way for MC Kahuna, b maruf, aferry kohana. Pima roof is either gonna let her go in a good way, okay, or take her back in a good way. He can take you back at any time in that eight day period. And that's not in her hands. Because she has a different means of getting out of the marriage. She has a different process of getting out of the marriage. His process of getting out of the marriage is
he waits for a time period where they have not been intimate together. She's not on her menses there's been no intimacy he issues that
he then waits living together with her eyes his wife for three menstrual periods. Three months typically, they're living together there's no second divorces no divorce every month we've heard so many weird and wonderful ideas from people about what is supposed to be done. Some people say divorce every month some people issue three in one go. And lots of things Manzella we'll be having some fun, I'll never sent down any authority for it. rather he waits. He waits for either Belladonna agilon. And when the time comes for MC qu Nebula or off he decides either to take a back oferty corner of your mouth or he decides to let her go in a good in the best way. Either. He decides to
take her back at any time in that three months. He says I brought you back or he says in
stead that I've decided to let you go and not wait all the way to the end of the time, and he lets her go.
If he lets her go, or he takes her back what happens? So if he takes a back, one talaq is counted against him. How long did it take for that one talaq to be counted? Probably between three months to four months, in most cases, between three to four months, it took for that one single calark to be counted.
And he took her back. He took her back, so before the third menstrual period ended, he took her back, he said, you come back, you're my wife again. Now one single Tyler is counted against him. Just one single talak
not three, not no go by not marry another man. None of that stuff. One single Pollock, because he took aback what happens then if you let her go, if he lets her go, if he lets her go,
then she separates from him. She's divorced, and they can remarry, again, with a new marriage contract. If she gives permission. Her Well, he gives permission, the husband is happy, she is happy, they come back together with a new marriage contract. And it all starts again that if you let her go, so what's this whole thing about three talaaq. And then he leaves and she has to marry someone else. What this means is when the entire process happens three times and he brings her back
in those times. So here, he issued the divorce during the three periods of the three menstrual periods that makes up the eight that he brought her back, that's one. Then again, he issued another divorce. Maybe a year later, two years later, three years later, again, he waited to three periods. He brought her back before it ended, he brought her back, then again, he issued a third divorce. Now she is broken from him on a permanent basis. And she can't marry him again unless you marry someone else and is intimate with them. And then if he divorces her and then comes back again, that's not the norm, but sadly was happening Tulloch these days is people have made the three times permanent
color, the normal way of behavior the first time they get in an argument with your wife see issues three times divorce sends out then they have all kinds of horrible happening. The woman is arranging her marriage to someone else what as a biller. And we ask all US safety for that for for the brothers and sisters who, who even contemplate such a thing, that they are even contemplating arranging a marriage for their wife with someone else, because he's given a divorce three times and all this kind of innovations and evil as it relates to divorce.
The three times rule is that the divorce process happened three times. So he divorced her. In the in the period he brought her back he divorced her in the period he brought her back now the third time he has only choice, his own choice is either divorce her and let her go for good or either bring her back and that's what is mentioned in the statement of allies origin of Talarico model Ratan Tata aku Mandala tan talaq is twice firm circle and BMR wolfin el tessuti Pearson, either you hold her in good
or you let her go. But once it gets to the third one, then that third one when the process has happened three times, there's no going back after that. After that fell out to her Lula who she's not allowed for him after that mean bad to Hector tank has been very raw until she marries a different husband. And the meaning of Tanka here is she's intimate, and she has intimacy with another husband. And then he divorces her and maybe after a long time, and then she goes back to the first husband that she had. But that is extremely extremely rare and it's certainly not something that could ever be deliberately organized or arranged something that might in rare number of cases
happen that a woman got divorced three times permanently. She left her husband she got married again if she had children, and then again she got divorced and she decided to go back to the first husband in this is Nadia, it's very, very rare that that happens. And as for this becoming like some kind of norm in divorce where the three times divorce and then the man is looking for ways out and the woman is looking for or the woman is looking for ways out. Then this is not from the things which are lies or gel has legislated. So we're still talking about the topic of divorce. That's all we have time for. We're going to come back to talk more about the divorce and also to talk about the whole out in
the next episode. And allies or whatever
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