The Muslim Family #05 – Characteristics of an Ideal Husband

Tim Humble

Channel: Tim Humble

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What are kulu filco Ronnie Naja E

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to carry Moosa Lu wa colocar La La, la de la Lu, while Mustafa de

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leeuw Alhambra hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was sola Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi h minor Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. We begin as always with the praise of Allah and by asking Eliza Joe to exalt dementia to Grand peace, Tao messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and to his family and his companions. We've reached the part in the course, where we're going to be talking about the characteristics of the Ideal Husband Charlottetown. We're going to start with the Hadeeth of viharaya rob the Allahu and in which he said caller Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, either hot lava la con mental Boehner Dena who were

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coloca who has a we do a lot of Iota confit netone fill up dfsr on

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this Heidi is narrated by remember tirmidhi and a merger,

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in which Abu hurayrah said the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, If a man comes to you to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, that's the understanding either hot lava la come someone comes to ask for your daughter or whoever whichever other girl is in your care, someone comes to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. And then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam described that person with two conditions, total bone Edina who will coloca who you are content with his religion, and his manners feza, which then marry her to him. If you do not, there will be a great trial on the earth, and great corruption and wide or widespread corruption.

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This Hadith really tells us everything that we need to know and in all honesty, every other one of the characteristics that we're going to mention after this hadith is really just a further explanation of this Hadith, because ultimately, the characteristics that we're looking for, in the Ideal Husband, those characteristics can be summarized with a dean and a whole look, religion and manners. So, to talk about religion, I thought it's interesting to quote a quote and hasn't basally rahimullah to either that a man came to him and asked and he said, kaupapa Nettie, Gemma femen was a widow. He said, a group of people have asked, When different people have asked for my daughter's

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hand in marriage, who should I marry her to call me Mayor tequila. He said marry her to the one who has taqwa of Allah. For in a headbutt her a kurama. We're in a blah, blah, ha, let me have a limb her. He said, If he loves her, he will be good to her.

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And if he doesn't love her,

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he will not oppress her. If he dislikes her, he will not impress her. So we begin with the sefa their characteristic which is the characteristic of the dean,

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either hot or by la comme mental Bonet Dino wahala. As a widow, if someone comes to you to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, and you are content with their Dean, so, as is found in this narration from a headset, we go back to this and we say that the most comprehensive description of the deen is at taqwa and taqwa is the most frequent advice that Allah azza wa jal repeats for us in the Quran. And actually, it's really interesting that in the hood by Tunica, the hood pie that is read in the new car, typically three ayat or read these three if at all start with the command to have Taqwa. All of them start with the command to have Taqwa. Yeah, you harness it telco Robuchon,

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led Holloman FCM wide in Salta, Nisa, the first iron salty Nisa, then the statement of Eliza gel insalata Allium Ron Yeah, are you Hi levena Amman Taka la hochkar tokachi while at mo tuna Illa and to Muslim on all you who believe have Taqwa of Allah as he deserves for you to have Taqwa of Him and do not die except as Muslims and the statement of a lie. So a gel from silica has add Yeah, you have levena M and takala

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How are kulu Colin said EDA or you who believe have Taqwa of Allah and speak a word that is true. So these three eyes which are typically read in the hood of the kneecap in the, in the speech of the kneecap, in which the Nikkor has conducted, those three if all three of them revolve around a taqwa what Tuscola lady decided want to be he will

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have Taqwa of Allah that you ask. Through Him, you ask and you say by Allah asked you for this and have Taqwa of Allah as it relates to your relatives. So taqwa B is a theme of these ayat that relate to Nika. So the very first characteristics we're going to start with is the characteristic of taqwa. And that characteristic of a taqwa. What does it really mean? A taqwa. As some of the scholars defined it, they said it is to act in obedience to Allah, upon a light of guidance from Allah, hoping for a loss reward, and to leave disobedience to Allah, upon a light of guidance from Allah fearing a loss, punishment. So what we see here is that taqwa is based around a being Allah, and

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leaving disobedience to Allah. As for the in the language, the word taqwa is to put a barrier it refers to putting a barrier. So for example, if you were to smash a glass on the floor, and the glass was smashed into all of those pieces, and then a person was to, in what would you do, if you smashed the glass on the floor, you put your shoes on, and that concept of putting your shoes on to stop the glass from scraping your feet from piercing your feet. That linguistically is what we call taqwa. Putting a barrier between something you between you and something you're scared of. In Islam it's the put a barrier between the punishment of Allah the anger of Allah, the curse of a line, the

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fire, to put a barrier between you, how do you put that barrier by doing what Allah commanded you by keeping away from what a lot commanded you to keep away from? And one of the things we can take from this hadith is that the religion has to come first.

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has to come first either hot or by ecoman. Total Dona Dino Deen comes first, the religion has to come first. And that's something which a lot of people maybe don't realize the importance of. They say of course, we want to look at religion, the person should be should pray, and so on. But maybe they don't look at that. First, it doesn't come first for them. Maybe first for them comes their financial situation. First for them comes their family background, you know what kind of family they come from me first comes for them education, but none of those are supposed to come first in Islam. what's supposed to come first in Islam and before everything else is the deed. So we look at the

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religion before and in front of everything else. After the religion comes to good character. Now good character is actually a part of religion. Our having good character is a part of your religion where in NEC Allah Allah hulan, Aleem, indeed, you or Mohammed have the highest standard of character.

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So good character is a part of religion. But at the same time, not only, I mean, good character is part of religion. But it's mentioned separately here in the Hadith, because a person might not distinguish between those two things. They might look at a person from the aspect of the religion that relates to that a bidat. And they're doing what Allah commanded, and so on. And they might look at that without giving attention to the person's character, or without giving enough importance to the person's character. And likewise, we, as husbands might do the same thing for ourselves, that we look at ourselves. And we look at, for example, in terms of just the general acts of worship, the

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prayer and so on. And we say, Well, why would my wife have any complaints to make, I pray, I fear Allah with regard to my income, and so on and so forth. But there is a different aspect to think about, and it is a part of the religion, but it deserves to be mentioned separately. And that's why it's given emphasis in the Hadith. And that is a whole look, the person's monus because you can get people who are very religious in the sense of their practices in terms of themselves, but the way they deal with other people might not be as religious or as in accordance with Islam. So it's very important that we don't just look at the issue of the person's prayer, but we also look at their

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character, and the hook really is the way that you deal with other people.

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can include no doubt, it can include the way that you have your relationship with Allah that can be included in a hook. But if Dean and Holika mentioned together, then Dean and Eliza knows best, has more of an emphasis on the person's relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. And hulak has more of an emphasis on a person's relationship with other people how a person deals with other people. This is such an important thing. It's so important to the prophets, I think gave it that emphasis Dena who wahoo Luca, who his religion and his character, so it's not just about his religion in terms of his relationship with Allah, but it's also about how he treats other people. And nice clear if we're

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talking about marriage, we talk about the way that the husband treats the wife, the kind of character that he has. And we talked about earlier in the previous episodes, we talked about a Noah and urashima. We talked about affection, we talked about mercy. All of those are things which are important and come from a person's character. So the person's character is something that we have to give a lot of attention to. We also, as we mentioned the taqwa. We also have to mention the issue of a manner of responsibility that a husband should be a person who is responsible for the trust that has been placed with him. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in the hadith of jabil in

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Sahih, Muslim for takala have ENISA for income or have to move on to be a man Illa was the Hillel tune for Raja hanabi Kalamata Allah, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said in his quote by that he gave his his speech that he gave the farewell speech in the Hajj is narrated by jab at rhodiola and the prophet SAW Selim said have Taqwa of Allah with regard to women.

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Fatah la huffin Nisa fear Allah with regard to women. So we've already talked about taqwa and what taqwa is, we talked about a being Allah and not disobeying Allah, as it relates to your families as it relates to the to your wives. Because and why we know this relates to your wives is because of the next sentence in which the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said for in Can I have two more when you have taken them as your wives Be a man Illa entrusted by Allah. Allah has entrusted them to you. You have been entrusted to look after them and to take care of them. We know the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said is still so be nice it Hira. Treat your wives well or treat your

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women. Well. So here it's an Amana be Mr. Neela it's an Amana in the sight of Allah azza wa jal was the Hillel from Fuji Honda and their private parts became halal for you be Kelly Mattila by the law of Allah the decree of a lot the word of Allah azza wa jal that Allah subhanaw taala made this marriage permissible. So as something serious for tequila having Nisa take or have Taqwa of Allah azza wa jal as it relates to women. And so this is a matter of the characteristic of Ananda, that the husband should be someone who feels that responsibility of the anona that he has. And especially when you look at the husband as the head of the household, or you look at the husband as the one

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being overall responsible for his family, and we're going to talk about that when we talk about the dynamics of the family later on in subsequent episodes in Sharla.

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The husband as the head of the family is in a position of responsibility. And anyone in a position of responsibility needs that characteristic of a man. Because when you're in a position of responsibility, you can use that responsibility in a good way. And you can also abuse that responsibility. So that brings us to the characteristic of Amana being a person who is a mean, trustworthy, reliable, responsible, is a good word to use. He's responsible, and he takes seriously the responsibility of being a husband. He doesn't see it as a reason to abuse his family, his wife, or abuse, the responsibility that He has for his children. Instead, he uses that responsibility in a

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way that is pleasing to Allah consistent with a taqwa. And he's a person who takes it seriously and considers it something to be important and we spoke about the ayah insalata Nisa, what are haddenham income? Me Falcon valluvar they've taken from you a weighty oath from the characteristics that are important to find within the husband is the characteristic of being just we've already spoken about the idea in sort of UNICEF. We're in Clifton.

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To consider to philea Tama Thank you home alto Bella Camilla Nisa, Ms. Now as soon as our Oba

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for in Clifton and let it do for our Hadith and Omar malakut a man welcome daddy Kadena alerta, rudall ayah number three from sorta Nisa, if you fear that you will not be just with regard to the orphans, then marry whoever you wish or whoever pleases you from women in two and three or four.

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And if you fear that you will not be just then one, or whatever your right hands possess. And here what we want to take is the seminar Lofa in Clifton, l. tattle if you fear that you will not be just and from this because this is in the context of marriage, we can understand that one of the conditions and one of the characteristics that should be present within the husband is an adult, that he should be just, and he should fear, he should your half and lay it, he should be fearful that he's not being just. And when we talk about justice, there are things that people can be just in. And there are things that people can't be just in. You can't be just in the affair of the heart,

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your heart leans towards whatever. But you can be just in things like the way you spend your time, the way you spend your money and so on. And that being just as important as a husband and it's important also as a father. So it's a really important characteristic to find within the Ideal Husband is to find that characteristic of not only justice, but being fearful, over being unjust, being scared of being unjust, and always really striving to be just and questioning yourself over whether you might have fallen short on the issue of being just

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from the characteristics that should be within a husband is are those which come under the category of Alma de or Rama. They come under the character that category of love and mercy. And we've already spoken about the AI in sort of Rome women AR T and Haleakala come in and forsaken as well generally tests cuando la her vagina Bina a commodity and Warhammer in Nevada color is in the komiya tuffa Corona, from the Ayat of Allah is that Allah is created for you from yourselves spouses so that you can live with them and find tranquility with them. And Allah has placed between you know, word of mouth, and Rama. And my word is love and care and affection. And as we said, It's love. Plus, and

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it's love, and more and more habit was yada, it's love and more. So it's love in the sense of the love that exists between the husband and wife. But it's also more than that it's looking out for them, taking care of them being on their side. These are all words that come under the topic of Elmo adapt.

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And so these are all characteristics that we should expect from a husband, we should expect him to be loving, to be caring, to be considerate, and to have Rama. So we should expect him to be forgiving, to have Rachmat meaning that he is he's forgiving. He forgives, he lets things go. And we know that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam emphasized this in the way that husband treats his wife, and he spoke about fasthosts will be nice. Treat your women well. And we've come to the Heidi later on insha Allah to Allah that the woman was created from the rib. And that if you try to straighten that rib, you're only going to you're only going to break it. So there has to be Rama he

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has to be someone who is Rahim is merciful towards his family. And that includes being forgiving, it includes not taking them to account for every mistake. These are all again, things that should be present within the husband. And since this ayah talks about the testicle or lay her, we mentioned in the previous explanation how this really can relate to a compatibility. The husband also has to be someone who is considerate and someone who is easy to get along with. And that's also can be understood from the eye as someone who brings peace and tranquility to his wife. So that's also from the characteristics that you would hope for in a husband from that Heidi would also tell us about

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the characteristics that we would hope to be found within the Ideal Husband is the statement of Fatima up into place she narrated this Hadeeth and she narrated it in Sahih Muslim, and the background to the Hadith is that she was looking to marry and there had been two people that had proposed to her and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave her advice about who to accept or whose proposal to accept. He said as for apple jam, he doesn't leave his stick from his shoulder, meaning that it's the stuff that authoritative and that he lashes out

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And as for Medallia, he is poor. He has nothing to do here it means mulayam lick O'Shea, the person who doesn't own anything at all. lamola he doesn't have any money in QA or summative and ziet. Instead, you should marry Osama bin Zayed. She said for Korea, too. She said I didn't really I wasn't in favor of it. I didn't. I didn't like the idea. So McCall, Inca, he, Osama, he said marry Osama, she said faneca to pachala la houfy hiera. A lot put so much good in it. Well turned out to be and people were jealous of me. Because of it. People were jealous of me, because of it. So panela this hadith contains two things that are should be characteristics from the husband side. And it

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also tells us the good that comes from following those characteristics that are indicated within the Quran and the Sunnah. First of all, these two proposals, as for one of them, was very sort of authoritarian doesn't leave the stick lashes out. So the opposite of that is that the husband should be gentle, and he should not be someone that lashes out. And we're going to come to that in another Hadith also later. And as for the other person, this person didn't have any money to be able to marry. And we mentioned that when it comes to the issue of money. In Islam, we go in the middle, we're not going to be extreme and say that the person has to be extremely rich, but they have to

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have enough to be able to fulfill the needs of the wife that they're going to take on in take that responsibility in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam recommended Osama bin Zayed rhodiola and Homer and sama bin Zayed he recommended him clearly stating that these two things were present within him that he was soft and gentle. And that he had enough to be able to get married enough to be able to meet the needs of Fatima have interface or the alarm on her. He said marry Osama bin Zayed and when she followed that advice, she said for jarle Allahu Allah, Allah put so much good in it, and that people were jealous of her, you know, in a good way.

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But many people were people had you know, people were jealous of the good that she had from that marriage. From that Heidi that also tell us one of the characteristics of a husband is the hadith of Ayesha rhodiola and her she said cannon Wu sallallahu alayhi wa sallam either Sala rock it federal for include Tomas de la 10 had death any were in that culture.

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She said Ravi Allah,

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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to when he had prayed the tool rock at that come before fetcher.

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He would look to see if I was awake. And if I was awake, he would sit and talk with me. And otherwise he would lie down.

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And we know the hadith of it that we mentioned already from Sahil Buhari, can a corner of humanity alley, that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in the service of his family. So that's also a characteristic that you look for in a husband, someone who's going to be who wants to spend time with his family, who's going to sit and talk with them, someone who's going to be in the service of his family, can if you can a corner for humanity early, he was serving his family, feel free to Matteoli looking after them. And that's also a characteristic that you look for a person to have that feeling that he should be the one to serve his family, that he should be the one looking after

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his family, and that he should want to give time to spend and talk with his wife. And look at how the prophets I seldom used to be, he came he would want to lie down because the evidence for that is that if he wasn't awake, he would lie down, he would want to lie down but instead he would look to see if he was awake and if she was awake, he would sit and talk with her. And if she wasn't awake, then he would lay down. So that kind of characteristic within a person that a person has that care over their family that a person wants to spend time talk with their family and a person wants to serve their family and sees it as their responsibility in the sight of Allah to do so. One of the

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characteristics which is very important and we can take this characteristic from sort of zoom out from a number nine Eliza gel he said a men who are corny and lady said you don't walk or Emma you will hear right away or draw rock metal or be quill hell yes that will lead in a Muna will Levine Allah Allah mon in Mia attack capital L BB Lysa which has said as for the one who stands in obedience at night, praying

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Standing, fearing the hereafter and hoping for the mercy of his Lord, say, are those who know equal to those who don't? The only only people of understanding will remember. And this is the characteristic of knowledge. And I mentioned this separately from the others because it isn't necessarily on the topic of marriage as such. But I felt it's so important. And the reason I think that knowledge is so important is that husband is going to take his position as the head of the family. He's going to be the one responsible for his wife, and the one responsible for his children. And if he doesn't have knowledge, then how will he be able to judge in matters justly? And how will

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he be able to fulfill the Amana that is upon him? How will he be able to make the right decisions about his family, about his wife about his children, if he doesn't have knowledge, and here in the eyes, the reason I chose this ayah from Salta, Zuma is that it links knowledge to action. Knowledge is not something which is just theoretically he knows or he knows what a husband should be like, but he knows and he practices. So here perhaps we could say the characteristic is knowledge that is adorned with action, knowledge that comes along with that comes along with action. I just have a couple more characteristics that I want to mention before we conclude the episode. The first one

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shout out to Allah is a riff will lien softness and gentleness. And for this we have a hadith narrated by Al Bukhari and Muslim the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, water your Angelica, be gentle with the camels when when you have on board the fragile vessels. Here, Alcoa real are those refers to the women and the prophets, I said, we used the word colorear, like the fragile glass. So the Prophet size M is commanding Angelica here to be gentle. And that is something that whenever we're dealing with the whenever we're dealing with our wives, we're dealing with the women in our household, we have to bear that in mind. Even though Angelica was driving camels and

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the women were on board, the camels were riding on the camels and he was told to drive them softly. The fact that the Prophet seisen described them as Alcoa to the fragile vessels or the glass that is subject to being broken. And that is something which teaches us the importance of gentleness. The last thing that I'm going to mention in sha Allah to Allah is a statement of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to a judge, who is a judge Abdullah case. He said in Africa for slitting your hip boom, Allah, Allah haimo. Well, Anna, he said, there are two qualities that you have that Allah loves. And again, this is not specific to marriage. But I feel that this is very appropriate in

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marriage, and health. Well, Anna, and I'll help him his top two neffs contract controlling yourself, being not not just patient because it's not a sub alcohol is to have control of yourself, to forgive, not to punish quickly not to get angry quickly, to be highly and to be a person who is in control. And a person who doesn't get angry or doesn't let their anger overcome them. And Anna, which is taking things slowly, not rushing to make decisions. And this is so appropriate when it comes to marriage. There are so many things about this we could talk about when it comes to marriage. But I believe that's a very important characteristic to have within the husband. For him

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to be someone who is in control of himself. He doesn't get angry quickly. He doesn't throw the talaq out quickly. He isn't a person who threatens quickly, but he's a person who takes things slowly and when he's asked him to make a decision. He thinks about that decision carefully, and makes that decision slowly takes his time. These are two things that are beloved to Allah azza wa jal as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, That's all we have time for in this episode analyzer generals bestel salatu salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge May, a Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're

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going to be running, make sure you head over to am [email protected]