Channel: Taimiyyah Zubair
Series: Taimiyyah Zubair – Fahm Al-Quran
Juz’ 5: An-Nisa’ 24-147
And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others, because of law has not created all people equal, he has not made us all the same. No, he has given preference to each person in one way or the other, what one person has been given, the other has not been given. A woman can give birth, can a man give birth? Can he bear children? No, he cannot. So, should he be striving to do what women can do? No, it would be foolishness. Likewise, we see that men have been given certain roles to play certain strengths, certain abilities, and that is something that women don't need to run after. And this is not just something between men and women, but overall, in
general, each person has his strengths, he has his weaknesses, what is it that we need to focus on the strengths that Allah has equipped us with, and we should not wish for that which Allah has given to other people, for men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. How fair is our religion? There's no bias just because of gender. No, each person will get what they have striven for. A man will get what he strives for, and a woman will get what she strives for, and ask Allah of his bounty, meaning when you see something with the other that you want, then instead of being envious, what is it that you should do each time along my igneous lucam
and public? Oh Allah, I asked you of your bounty? I asked you have your favorites. So give me also just as a career lesson, when you saw Maria with the fruit, what did he do? Did he become jealous over here? Did he feel weak in his heart and bad in his heart? No, immediately right there. And then he made Dora Oh Allah, give me a righteous child, give me a good child, and Allah accepted his law. Indeed, Allah is Ever of all things knowing he knows the differences between men and women. And he has created both of them differently.
Now, the following is or the theme of these verses generally about men and women, marriage. So this is why it is necessary that we also reflect on this matter, that how Allah has created men differently and women differently. Why not because one is better than the other, but so that both may complement each other. Both have been created differently with different strengths and different abilities. Why not so that they compete with one another and try to imitate one another, but that both of them do their best and bring the best in society. Remember that a woman's perfection is not in becoming like a man, her perfection, her excellence, her virtue is in what her connection with
her Lord, because many of us have forgotten this, that if I want to be the best, if I want to go further in life than I have to compete with men, I have to do what they have done. If my brother is doing this, I have to do it, too. If my husband is doing this, I have to do it, too. If he travels for a weekend, you know what, let me also do the same thing, leave my family, go travel for a weekend and come back. No, each person has a different role to play. Each person has different responsibilities. Remember, what matters most is our position near a loss product.
Because there could be a man and woman who are married, but because of what they do. One, one person, her status, his status could be greater in the sight of a lot compared to the other, not because of their gender, but because of what they have done. Take the example of ESEA and feel our own ESEA who will she be? She will be amongst the leaders of the women in gender. Why? Because of her Eamonn take her husband for her own, who will he be a leader of the people in hellfire. Why? Because of his cowfish so it's not about that in a marriage, a man will always always be better in every respect. No, he has been given certain rights, certain obligations, a certain status, but that
is just to make the marriage work. That is just to be to maintain the family to look after the family to do to run the family in the most effective way.
But a woman her perfection her excellence hervor to isn't her servitude to her Lord. So remember in the law can be cliche in our Lima Indeed Allah is of all things knowing when he couldn't live john Mr. Lee, and for all we have made heirs to what is left by parents and relatives, meaning for each person who dies he leaves behind heirs and who are those errors those errors whom Allah has appointed? Why? Why is it that Allah has decided this law? Who should be the heir? What should he get? How much should he get? Why? So that wealth may be divided in society correctly because if this was left to us,
Then what would we do, we would give all of our wealth to just one individual. And this would create a lot of disharmony, a lot of difficulties in the society. So when Allah has taken this matter in his hand, that the inheritance must be divided according to a specific way to specific airs. This is to ensure that wealth is distributed correctly in the society, and to those whom you're all have bound to you give them their share. Indeed, Allah is Ever over all things a witness at leisure local, well, Mona Island, Nisa, men are in charge of women, they are the qalam of the women. What does it mean by this, that men are in charge of women, Alam is a maintainer, someone who is made
responsible, who has been given the authority authority for what purpose, so that he may manage, he may look after the affairs of those who are under him, he may look after the welfare, the overall well being the needs of those who are under him. So in a marriage, who is it that has been given this authority? Who is it that has been given this responsibility, it is the man because two people cannot be in charge. If two people are in charge, if both have equal authority, then what will happen? Both will constantly be at odds against each other. We see this that even in an organization, even in a group of five people, 10 people, what is necessary one main leader, one
person who has the right to say, okay, we're going to do this, or Okay, we're not going to do this one person whose word will be accepted as final. Because when there's still three people who have equal authority over a matter that what happens, things get lost, one person thinks the other will do it. And then what happens the other things, the first will do it, or one things, she should do it, she thinks, no, he should be doing it back and forth, back and forth. And like this, the family will be neglected, like this, the children will be neglected the affairs of the family, they will not be taken care of properly. So Allah in His mercy, what has he done? He has decided that in a
marriage, always, always the term will be Who? The husband, even if he's not working? Yes. Even if he's not working, even if he's bringing less money compared to his wife? Yes. Even if he's less educated, yes. Why? Because each marriage is different. And if this decision is left to us, that in a marriage, the to decide who the column is going to be, they're never going to be able to decide who the column should be. Isn't that so? That when it is left to people, okay, you choose a leader, it's very difficult for them to come up with one leader. And even when the leader is chosen, then what happens the rest of the people say, Oh, this was unfair. Like today, people say that Abu Bakar
on the lower end, who when he was chosen as the halifa. This was a conspiracy that people had against Lido de la hora. That already although arnoux was busy with the burial of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, and the Sahaba they went, and they conspired amongst themselves because they wanted to deprive a little below I knew of khilafah so they just appointed Abubakar at the lower end, who was Khalifa the point that I'm making here is that if Allah left this matter to us, you decide that in a marriage, who the column should be, what would happen? Firstly, we would never come to a decision. And secondly, even if we did come to a decision, people would never be happy. So just
as when it comes to the law of inheritance, likewise, in a family who should be in charge, Allah has taken this matter in his hand, he has decided that the man will be a worm. And there's a reason behind that. What is the reason Bhima futbol Allahu Akbar Allahu Allah Allah. Why? Because Allah has given one preference over the other, meaning Allah has given men something that the women have not been given. And what is that thing?
It is you could say it is strength, but it is first and foremost Eagle in a positive way, not in a negative way. Men have Eagle, I'm not saying this in a bad way not arrogance and pride, but they have this natural desire to want to feel important. And this is something that is not just something that is observed, but it is something that is proven by research also, that when it comes to men, what they want in a relationship is that they should be appreciated, they should be looked up to they should be respected. So when they have been given this, it is in their fifth law, you know, like people who are born leaders, if you give them authority, if you give them some leadership, some
decision power, even if it's very little, what will happen. They'll be very happy. Think about a classroom 20 children and one child doesn't listen at all and what have you.
The teacher says to the child, okay, you have to take this sheet to the principal's office or you have to do this task today. And what happens all of a sudden that child is behaving so well. Why? Because he was given a task he was made to feel important. And the same child, if that importance is not given, what is he going to do in the classroom, create chaos, he is going to cause havoc, right? So men have been given this natural quality in them. And I say quality because it is a quality, it's not something negative. Because for a leader, it is very necessary that they feel like a leader, they want to be a leader. So the men have been given this preference over women in this respect. And
this is why they must be the Cologne. And secondly, the other reason why they must be the column is because of what they spared from their wealth. Because from the time of marriage onwards, what is the man doing spending, spending spending, at the time of marriage, he's given the woman
and then afterwards constantly, he's spending on her the financial obligation has been placed on the shoulders of the men. So this is why the man is who the
Allah says forcefully how to call Anita don't have a lot to lillebaby Bhima happy llama. So righteous women, who are they, they are devoutly obedient, devoutly obedient to who, to their husbands to their Ameen. Why? Because they accept the need the leader that Allah has appointed over them. So whatever the leader says to them, they do it as long as it is something my roof, it is something that is acceptable in the religion, meaning where a husband will tell the wife to do something that is contrary to the law of Allah, then does a woman have to obey Him? No, she should not obey Him. But when it comes to Morrow, when it comes to acceptable matters, then what should a
woman do, she should be called Anita. Now, this is the description of a righteous woman that Allah is giving here. asylee had who are the first and foremost carnita obedience. And obedience means showing respect, showing respect, accepting the authority, the superiority that Allah has given to the husband. So those of us who are married, let's remember to do this, and those who are not married yet, then keep this in mind that the first and foremost obligation on a woman is what that she should be dutiful, obedient to her husband. And obedience must come with respect. Why? Because if a person is obeying, but they're disrespecting with their attitude, with their eyes, their body
language or their words, then that is not true obedience, that is not respect. And we see that a man when he is respected by his wife, then what will happen, he will feel like he is in charge, when he's made to feel in charge, then what will he do, he will take care of his wife, even more, he will please her, and she will please Him, and He will please her, and she will please Him. It's both sided. And we see that it goes into such a beautiful cycle, the wife respecting the husband, the husband taking care of the wife, but what we do is that we demand that the husbands should take care of us, then we will respect them. But the fact is that the husband cannot take care of his wife,
until unless she will show some level of respect to him. Because what happens is that when the man is disrespected in the house, he's always looked down on, he's treated like a child, he's treated like a servant. He's yelled at, he's rebuked, he's insulted before the family members, he's insulted before the children even then what happens when he does not find peace and comfort in his house, then he avoids being with his family, he would rather be somewhere else, or he will hide himself were in the basement, or he will block off everything how, by staring at the television, or by staring at his computer, or by being in his phone all the time. And then a woman wonders what is
wrong with him. So she becomes angry with him and the man distances from her and she distances herself away from him. So we see that the two grow far apart from each other. What will bring a husband and wife together is what mutual respect for each other. If the other doesn't respect, let us begin respecting our husbands because remember, that the respect that we get from other people is always in our hand. It is always in our control. Why? Because the way we deal with others, that is exactly how they will deal with us. If we treat others respectfully, they will also treat us respectfully, even children. When they're dealt with respectfully. They will also show respect. So
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They are obedient and have a lot of little baby boomer heavy on law. They are happy lots, they are guarding in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best of women is she who pleases you, when you look at her, obeys you when you order her, and guards in your absence, what is due to you of her and your wealth. So this is how we have to become pleasing to the husband that when he sees that he becomes happy, when he instructs then without arguments without ifs and buts take it and do it. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Allah does not even look at the woman who does not think her husband. While she cannot be free of
need of him. She cannot be free of need of him. Anytime you're feeling angry with your husband, just look around your house. And check where did I get this from? This clock that's hanging on my wall? Where did this come from? Yeah, okay, I bought it but with whose money? Okay, this kitchen, this house? Where did this come from? I got it myself. Could I have afforded it myself? Could this sofa, this furniture? Think all the things that we have in the house, even if there are some things that we brought when we got married, or we got with our own money, still, who had to put the nail in the wall so that you could hang the clock? Who did that for you? Your husband. So the Prophet sallallahu
Sallam said the woman who does not thank her husband, Allah does not even look at her. While she cannot be free of need of him. A smart rodilla Warren has said that the prophets of Allah Islam passed by me while I was amongst some of my girlfriend's, so she was sitting with some of her friends, girls, and what happened the profits of a lot of stuff as he passed by he greeted us. And he said, beware of ingratitude of those who are with blessings. She said, yada sutala what is meant by the gratitude of those people who are in blessings, he said, perhaps one of you stays with her parents, unmarried single for a long time. And then Allah gives her a husband, through whom she even
gets children. And then one day she gets angry with him, and becomes very ungrateful, saying that I have never seen anything good in you ever. She becomes so ungrateful, so angry that she says I've never seen anything good in you, really, is that the reason why he has a good job is that the reason why he takes care of you, he looks after the children, he brings money home he spends on the family so well.
The number one thing that we need to do after obedience is gratitude. show gratitude to the husband, for the gifts that he brings home for the money that he brings home. Just think about how difficult it must be for a man that so many hours he spends working, working, working in an office, or in a building, or at a place that is so uncomfortable. He'd rather be sleeping at home. Sometimes he's working double jobs, why so that he can bring enough money home to look after who you are. So you can eat out so you can travel so you can wear nice clothes, so that you can spend freely. So that husband deserves some level of gratitude. Now, remember that this gratitude only comes when we
appreciate when we are grateful. Because what happens is that we keep noticing the negative things. Or look he left the dishes on the table again. Oh, look, he didn't fill the gas in my car again. Oh, look, he's left his dirty laundry again on the floor. He doesn't care about the cleanliness in the house. No, overlook these things overlooked and stop treating the husband as if he was your son. No, he's not a baby that transferred from your mother in law to you. He's a man he's a husband, so treat him like a man. But those wives from whom you fear arrogance, first advise them then if they persist, forsake them in bed, and finally, likely strike them why in order to discipline them, but
if they obey you seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is Ever exalted and grand, Sofia him because he is greater than you, he has more authority than you, he is going to question you. So what we learned from this ayah is about ourselves that we have to show respect and gratitude to our husbands. Now, the last part of the ayah many women have a problem with this. The fact is that why should we let a marriage go this way in the first place? Say inshallah, I will never show the shoes to my husband such disobedience to my husband, that he becomes angry with me. No, inshallah, I will be obedient, I will be grateful. So that even at the times when he gets annoyed with me, he will
overlook why, because I have been grateful to him. I have always listened to him. And if you fear dissension between the two, meaning the man and the woman are growing apart from each other, despite being married,
Because they have so many differences, so many arguments than what should be done, then send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family, meeting someone else now to do the discussion, because when two people are angry, they don't even want to look at each other. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, a lot is ever knowing and acquainted with all things. What would allow hola to Chico be shy? Remember your main goal in life, your main purpose in life? And what is that, that you worship Allah and associate nothing with him and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor
farther away, the companion at your side? Look at the companion on your side, the person sitting next to you, who are they your neighbor? What does Allah say do with them? So what kind of person can we do with the person sitting next to us?
The neighbor farther away the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. These are all Hokuto, about the rights of the creation, the rights of the servants of Allah, do good to all, even when someone is not good, still be good to them? Because that is, indeed a law does not like those who are self deluding and boastful, meaning people who think highly of themselves, who think that they're the best. And as a result, they belittle others, they don't even look at the person sitting next to them. Think about it. If we don't even acknowledge the person sitting next to us, then what does it mean that we haven't even noticed and why? because we're so
lost in ourselves. So Allah does not like people who are mortal and for hurrah. And such people are not even liked by who other people. Remember, the one who is disliked by Allah, he can never be liked by people either. The one who is disliked by Allah, then people can also not like him, who are such people who are proud, boastful self deluding those who are stingy and enjoying upon other people's stinginess, they would hold what they have. And they also tell others to be stingy, they don't spend themselves and they discourage others from spending in the way of Allah, and they conceal what Allah has given them of his bounty. They don't let anyone find out about the good that
they have, why out of fear that others might ask, and we have prepared for the disbelievers a humiliating punishment, and also those who spend of their wealth to be seen by the people. Meaning when it comes to spending in a laws way, what is their attitude, they're stingy. And when it comes to spending on a needy person, again, they're stingy, they hide what they have. They don't show their food, they don't show their money. They don't show what's in their house. Why out of fear that somebody might ask they hide it, hide it, keep it a secret. And when there is a chance to show off, then they spend generously.
Meaning when there is a chance to show to the people that Yeah, I've got a lot of money, then yes, there will be a lot of expenditure. Like for example, a wedding when it comes to spending on a good cause in a charitable cause, giving to those who are truly in need the No I don't have enough, you know, things are so tough. Things are so expensive. The rent is so much the mortgage is so high, the bills are so much the children's schooling, everything is so much. But then all of a sudden when there is a marriage when there is a wedding, or when there's a birthday party or when there has to be a vacation. Then what happens 1000s and 1000s of dollars are dished out. Why? Because now one is
establishing his authority before others that look I have so much money. Think about the kind of money we spend on our clothes as women especially men don't spend that much money. women spend more money on their clothes. Why? What's the objective here there's nothing wrong in wearing nice clothes. But what is the competition here? That look even I am wearing nice clothes and see how expensive these clothes are. And you are seeing me in these clothes for the first time and you will never see me in these clothes again. Because it's an embarrassment to wear the same party clothes again to a different party. Why? Because people will say that Oh, you're wearing these clothes
again. You wearing these clothes again. What does it show that we spend more on what on showing off on impressing other people impressing their eyes we're more concerned about our image before people think about it. If a dress we can purchase for $100 150 200 303 100 is nothing for a nice dress. Nothing for a nice dress these days. so easily. We spend money on clothes, on bags on shoes. Why? Because people are going to see
Same amount of money do we spend on a person who's hungry? Who needs to buy groceries? The same amount of money? Do we ever think about spending for a mustard fry? Do we think about that? No. Why? Because we say at that time, I don't have enough if I give in the way of Allah, then I will not have much left. But when it comes to spending on our weddings, in our clothes, then we have so much money. Allah says those people who spend up their wealth only to be seen by who by people, and they believe not in Allah, nor in the last day, because if they truly believed in Allah and the Last Day, then that money would be going in were investing in the home of the Hereafter, not showing off over
here. And he to whom shavon is a companion than evil is he as a companion? Now, remember that this is schilke hafi. What is should coffee hidden chick, when a person is spending to be praised by people to be seen by people? This is [???] coffee when a person gives he gives more Why? Because people are watching. Likewise, when a person is performing or louder, he performs more about why because people are watching. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, He who lets the people hear of his good deeds intentionally, to win their praise than Allah will let the people know of his real intention when on the Day of Judgment, and what harm would come upon them if they believed in Allah
and the Last Day and spend out of what Allah provided for them sincerely for his sake? What would they lose? They would not lose anything they were only gained, and Allah is Ever about them knowing. So is it not sufficient that Allah is watching what we give to him? In the law hilarya Lima with Allah da, Indeed, Allah does not do injustice, even as much as an atom's with, so merciful, so kind is our Lord, that He gives for how much much more that if there is a good deed, he multiplies it and gives from himself a great reward. If a person gives even a little bit of charity, but with sincerity, then Allah is so generous, that he multiplies the reward. So why should we hesitate in
giving more in his cause? Why not? Think about it, when we spend on the things of this world, instantly what happens, the moment they fall in our hands, the value of those things, instantly reduces, you buy a computer, it's in a box, the moment you open the box, and you take the computer out what has happened, the value has reduced, it has reduced, you buy a car, brand new car, you just drive it out of the dealership instantly $10,000 $5,000 instantly marked down. If you drive it out of the dealership, and you take it to another to sell it what will happen, you can never sell it for the same amount. This world is such that the more you spend here, the more you lose.
But if you give in the way of Allah even as
even an atom's with something so small, then what will happen it will only grow it will only increase it will only multiply. Now this does not mean that we don't take care about our worldly needs. No, we take care of them. But at the same time, think about what we are preparing for our life in the hereafter. Will you be let down who are Jonah alima and he will give from himself a great reward. So why should we not give to him? What his most beloved to us, when he will multiply the award many times for K for either genomen Coolio matambi shahidan so how would it be when we will bring from every nation a witness and we bring you or Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
against these people as a witness? Yo Maria de La Nina cafaro. We're also Rasulullah low to somewhere behemoths out while I act una la hadiza that day, those who disbelieved and disobeyed the messenger will wish they could be covered by the earth. embarrassment and regret. I wasted my money and they will not conceal from Allah a single statement.