Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar
‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was the Fourth and Final Installment in the ‘Making Our Mark’ Lecture tour in the UK, presented by Sheikh Sajid Umar.
‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was a talk presented in Trowbridge.
In this lecture Sheikh Sajid breaks down the family unit in terms of the beautiful Ayah found in Surah Yusuf (Ayah 4) and details the different roles that are to be found in a household, and how to be effective and excellent in these roles.
Part 2 from ‘Leadership Begins at Home’ highlights the importance of the Father in the Home.
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So, let's try and discuss our session together. Looking at these three entities, firstly, we have
we have the Father, and the father's are looking at me with big eyes at the moment.
I'll try and be good in Java,
we have the Father.
from understanding the explanation from this ayah in the Quran, we see that the Father has a solid role, the father has a role where he has been given the voice of reason, amidst confusion, Allah subhanho wa Taala has made the father the law, he looks after the affairs of his family, so he would have the voice of reason amidst confusion.
And note that I said reason, not the voice of the Army General. Right, the voice of reason amongst confusion.
Now in defense, I know I believe the sisters are here. So we must offer the male's defense right? in defense of our brothers.
We're not being harsh. They're being step baby steps and there's a difference between being harsh and being stared many times the females they will lie My husband is Army General.
I say no, perhaps he's just being stared. There's a difference. You taking it as harsh, but there's a difference between the two. And sometimes you need to be standing because there are being stared at the title of being stand is a quality of good leadership and the topic of today's leadership.
The husband or the father is a voice of reason amidst confusion. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said COO, COO,
coo coo masala Andhra yet that each and every one of you
is a shepherd. And each and every one of you is responsible for your flock. You're responsible for your flock, everybody has a position at around them those that are considered to be within this sphere of influence.
So you are the shepherd of that sphere. You have responsibilities, you have responsibilities, and as I said Allah subhanho wa Taala has made the main code responsible. And Allah subhanho wa Taala has said, Go and Sousa Chua Lee Kumara that protect yourselves and your families from the Hellfire Subhana Allah. This is a great responsibility upon a person thinking about marriage. Think about these responsibilities. Because marriage comes with responsibilities. It's not just something which we do in life. It's the way of life we go with the flow. Everybody's getting married.
Let's get married. everybody's having children, young. Let's have children. Now there's responsibilities. You build your agenda based on these responsibilities, and it could be a means of your destruction as well. Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, protect yourself and your families from the hellfire. So panela This is the role of the Father. This is the role of the husband. This is the voice of reason.
This is leadership. Are you leaving your ship to its destination? Or are you not?
Today we find and this is about being stereo minded, but many a time. And it could be perhaps because of the environments that we live in the environments that we live in breed certain retrogression sometimes, but we find today men, men becoming chases off the ladder. This is a term that's used in leadership
chases of the ladder where you are a leader but outside of the home, not in the home. You are a leader where promotions are set in looking at climbing the ladder. So you do what you have to do outside the home. Remember we spoke about personality trait versus character trait? personification is being exercised elsewhere. But in reality, it's not who you are. Because if you are truly a leader that charity begins at home, so today we find men and as I said, we're not blaming
men per se, it might be an in my view it is. It is a result of the environment that we live in and lack of focus from ourselves, we tend to ponder less and reflect less Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to be reflective
and he used to ponder is to go to the cave of Hira and understand reason amidst chaos. The Croatia worshipping idols bearing daughters alive. They were
circumambulating the camera while the naked believing this is a bad
thought, the best clothes to use when completing the karma is no clothes, the clothes which Allah gave you in your skin because everything else is false. They have their own weird mechanisms of reasoning.
And when matters didn't suit the intellect, they would change it. So, they changed the deep of Ibrahim Salah instead of standing
on the day of alpha, they would stand at alpha and say well it makes sense because alpha is from the Hara. And alpha is not considered to be from the Hara. Right alpha is outside of the boundary of the heart. So they will use the intellect and tweak the need.
So they left the will of Allah subhana wa sallahu wa sallam never worship guidance, Lord is accompanied the Kaaba this way. And according to the scholars who say he did observe Hajj before Islam, because he was taught by Ibrahim Ali Salaam, they say, and they have durations that support the fact that on the day of our
Subhanallah, the voice of reason is to contemplate, he would go to the cave.
And this is evidence that you are not your environment. And you are not your DNA, you are your core self. The philosophers say you are a product of your environment. And the scientists say you are a product of your DNA.
Right, you're a product of your DNA. That's what it is. Right? We don't want to discuss these discussions. But there's something funny that comes to mind. But we'll leave it for another time.
The point that I'm trying to drive home is you are a product of your core self Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his testimony to this before the Buddha, he wasn't engaged in the practices of his environment.
He was a product of his core self, and he understood his core self. And we all have inner voices. But some have a lot today, the outside voices of our technology, and aspirations are so loud, that we cannot hear our inner voice, we need to take time to switch off, we need to take time to switch off switch of the Facebook, the Twitter and the mobile app, the WhatsApp and everything else that comes with it and ponder and reflect and ponder and reflect. So it's a lack of us having the ability to understand ourselves and the environment that we live in, that has caused us to become these chases of the ladder we lead us but where weight matters, yes, it does matter to be a leader
outside. But it even matters more to be a leader inside are we leaders inside.
And we have traveled so far down the ladder. Remember we said chasing the ladder chasing the ladder means climbing it. But we have come or become
in a state so down so low with regards to the ladder that we have not even
looked at the macro management of our home.
We have micro and macro leave aside micro maybe your lifestyle does not allow you to involve yourself in the micromanagement of things. But we so far down the ladder that we've even left
our concern for the macro. Remember we said Allah says protect yourselves and your families? If you have left both the micro and the macro, what direction are you offering to your home?
What kind of leader are you and what type of leaders are you breathing? Are you breathing the progress of tomorrow or the retrogression? So the question we have to ask, just before the break we were discussing the father in the home, the husband in the home and in continuation brothers and sisters, if we look at the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, alayhi wasallam we see them hamazon Allahu alayhi wa sallam, he wasn't involved husband, he wasn't involved husband. Anyone just needs to pick up a book of the Sierra to see how it involves person. He was sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And he taught us the dynamics of a marriage. And just the other day in Zimbabwe, they
asked me to speak about a portion of marriage. And the point that I shared with them that shows how involved or the loss of a loved one was when he taught us an important point just from his action is how to be a person that lives within a marriage as a person involved, not as a person who treats marriage as some form of business transaction, where each party deposits and takes out based on the depositing and taking out of the other party. This is not how Madden should work. And an example of this is how Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam look
After Hynde, the child of God Allahu Allah. This call is of Terry, they mentioned that she was married, before she married him. And she had children from them was hint. And Allah Allah, He will send them looked after him as a father, and not as a husband to this child's mother. The difference is the difference here. He was with the child, as a father, even though this wasn't his child, and not was the child as a husband to this child's mother, there's a difference. This is an involved element in the whole and involved entity in the home. Right. So we use that story as evidence to another point, but we can, if we if we try and expound on this particular point further, we see what
an involved person he was, he was involved just before the break, we spoke about us having to be people who look after the micro or are involved in the micro and macro aspects of the whole. But if life does not permit us, then at least the macro today, how many of us are involved in the macro?
Right? In the overall ventures of the home? How many of us sit down with our wives with regards to the curriculum of our child?
How about if I sit down and say, Dad, what's the plan?
What have you been doing with them? Or what do you aspire with regards to them, and see whether it meets your vision.
If we have a vision, we told the brothers the other day that it's all about television, sort of a vision anymore. But if you have a vision, then you you work hand in hand, you involve if you can't actually engage in that true teaching the actual micro aspects of running the home then at least in the macro, how many of us sit down with our wives and say, What do you plan to cook for the week, for example,
on a macro level, so you understand yourself the needs of your wife for that week, and you can benchmark it against your timetable for that week, and be an effective husband in involving her criteria. And timetable in yours, because it's your duty, you are the you are responsible for this household. You know, talking about what foods gonna be cooked, this is something minute. But we don't even do the minute so how are we going to do the greater which is looking after the actual nurturing of the children, and they grow up? So we got Menninger, if I can use that term. We know this is a colloquial term, we're not Manning up, we're not playing our part. We must be involved in
the education. We must be involved in the upbringing and supanova Today many a time. If not, in the majority of circumstances, we always pointing our finger the madrasa
at the mowlana at the chef, he's not teaching our child Well, the Quran is is not up to date, because it's the teacher's fault. The editor and adapt and etiquettes and manners of this child is not up to date, because it's the teacher's fault. I sent him to the Madras and he's not learning anything. No, no common theme of our CDs when you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.
When you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you. Since when did bringing up your child become the role of the teacher at the Madras and the Imam of the masjid wait since well,
and the witch Lord, if this happened,
it's your job to bring up your child to teach them to teach them etiquette and manners and morals and adapt and adapt, and so on and so forth. And it's the teachers and imams job to compliment your role as a parent not to become a parent and do your job for you.
You can't pay a person to to be a parent to your child, you can and don't forget the mom or the molana or the chef. He has other children with him at the same time.
And he has his own children at home that he has to worry about.
His job is to complement the school's job in society is to complement our all It doesn't mean that the school teaches the math that we shouldn't sit and teach our child math and many of us do. We sit down with them. Because it's got to do with the dunya.
And again, the personality. What will my neighbor and friend say if my child doesn't pass, if he doesn't get those a stars. That person's child got the stars we all
trying to beat the jokes as they say it's personalities, unnecessary stress we create in our homes. Why? Because we're competing with the next person. Sometimes we fail to appreciate
this parent of a child that we have in front of us and the specific characteristics that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave this child because we too busy trying to make our child emulate them.
Neighbors friends, or the relatives chat, or the in laws child or the friend's child.
It doesn't matter if they didn't get a status. They have qualities, which is qualities that that child doesn't have. So our priorities become mixed, because we stopped contemplating taking a moment to ponder and think. And thus we stopped being leaders. And we stopped to produce leaders. And we know how difficult the situation is today, if it's difficult for us, how will it be for our children, and it is our man upon this map, to revive that which requires revival. This is the whole concept of the store, making our mark it is our duty as a Muslim, when you resize the Shahada, it became your right to be the best to revive.
It became your life because this is where Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wasallam did.
So it's your right. But today, we're not taking our right we want other people to take our rights when other people can bring our children and to be our children's parents. And if we could pay someone to make money for us, we will do so as well. The problem is if he makes more money than we pay him, he wouldn't work for us. It's common sense. So that doesn't work. And we get the gist of the discussion. Allah subhanho wa Taala gave the father a row and the husband row. And it's important that we are involved in that which Allah Subhana Allah has given to us as a role, the role of protecting ourselves and our families from the Hellfire means we have to be involved in some way.
We have to sit down with our spouse, we have to sit down with our children. It's important, it's important, we can't have this Do as I say not as I do attitude, it doesn't work. It doesn't work on this level in terms of the responsibility which Allah has given us. And it doesn't work in within the remit and realm of creating leaders. We can't be telling our child to observe Salah but we don't tell them to go observe Salah in the masajid. But we don't, or tell them to have good relations with relatives but we don't make an active effort can't work.
Children are imitative, what they see they will become
Allah extracted you from the wombs of your masters, and you knew nothing. And Allah placed our children, under our kids parents to teach and educate and nurture if they didn't become that the problem is not that the child is with you. There's a famous story I was telling the brothers of candy.
Candy once was at a function. And he asked his child to pick him up from this function at a specific time that this child went to the movie house to watch a movie.
And someone saw this child there.
This is long time ago, a long time ago. So what this person did after the movie ended, he went to the payphone and found candy and said I saw your son at the movie house.
Let's not talk about that. That's another sickness society. A lot of us that have to be active and proactive. Right?
So anyway, the son got to his father late.
And his father asked him where were you? Why were you late? He says I had a breakdown. That's perceivable. It's something which makes sense. The father said uncle so and so called me and said that you but this movie? Is it true or isn't it true? So he was caught up. So he says it's true. So Gandhi, look, he says, He wept. He was upset. He wept and he was upset. And he said,
Today, I have to punish myself.
Because I didn't do my job as a parent. My whole life. I tried to teach you honesty. But today I've seen that it wasn't successful. Thus, today, I will walk home.
Walking that walk and talking the talk, not saying somebody else must teach my child how to be honest. It is our walk home and it was a long distance. And he walked at the center of behind the begging his father to get into the crisis. No, I have to punish myself for not doing my job.
And he gets home, tired, collapses, dehydrated.
And the son says from that day onwards, I never told a lie.
You see when you when you are a leader, and you lead your leadership within the generation that comes after you this is doing your job. And Gandhi was freeing India from apartheid. Nobody can say well, he had time. We don't have time. You know, we have to work.
He was freeing India from a poverty. He also didn't have time, but you make time
To stand your responsibilities and priorities, so this is important, this is important. We must do as we say, this is from being a leader brothers and sisters, and is from nurturing leadership within our children, children, they imitate they imitative by nature. We see how they copy things that they see on the television. Right. And this is common sense. I mean today, why would
a cereal company for example, pay millions to a footballer for this footballer to give them permission for his face to be on the cereal box? Why? Why is this the case?
ponder and think, who eats the cereals, these sugary cereals the children, but they know that these children like to imitate. If they see that that superstar is eating the cereal, they will want to eat it irrespective of how good it is or how bad it is. When they see that this image is here. They want to imitate that guy's cool. And he eats the cereal we want to be cooler.
Right? So they imitate the imitate.
Now, now you've understood that when a company wants to market their product, they first go to a psychologist they don't go to the marketing company. As a psychologist, how does it work? How can I sell the sugary cereal market company will say you see these children they like round figures if you seen the cartoons, the round figures are the goodies. And the square figures are the baddies.
SubhanAllah we've seen so much in the world today that we've gone past baddies, we've got maddies, now they met actually had cartoons this not the baddies face. So what you need to do is come up with a roundish figure, like a tiger or something.
Right? And then make this the representative of this product. And what do we do as parents and hamdulillah. We don't have time. And we love our children. So we buy them the television.
We don't want them to be bought, we want we we work for them. This is why we go to work to buy them the 32 inch television, and then it's 52 inch and then it's something else. Sometimes we need to rebuild the walls in our house because the TVs are getting bigger than the worlds they can fit. Right. So what happens now is we bought them the TV and our child is there in front of the TVs occupied. So he sees this figure do cool things. jetski. And it finishes jet skiing, he's got his bowl of whatever this product is, type. So it's that your child is so your child has become a consumer. before they even knew how to earn money. They learned how to spend it before they learned
how to make it they learned how to spend it. So then you go to the supermarket. And what happens now they say right now what you have to do is this product, you have to put it on the lower shelves, not on the higher shelves because these people they hide these children, the height is about this high. So when they walk next to the mothers and you look to the right and the left and see this stuff, if it's too high, they won't. Just the other day I was reading that now supermarkets are going to charge you based on the shelf that you want your product on. makes a difference. Right? So Pamela
yellow Navara minute.
They know everything about the doula.
But with regards to the Euro, oblivion.
So your child goes to the supermarket and he sees this box and he sees this finger and he says, Mommy, I want to eat this. It doesn't know what it is. Or she doesn't know what what it is. But she knows it's cool to do so. It excites them to do so. And actually have they imitate the message is they imitate what you do, they will imitate? How many times have we seen our young child growing up to get to the age of two, two and a half when they're doing things and you think so Pamela I can see myself
exactly like the spice and Abdullah was when he got to when he was growing up. So Caroline will do certain things. And I say to myself, La ilaha illa Allah that just looks like me and my di who see as his coffee, that's exactly what you do. You know sitting style, resting style, so on and so forth. They copy they imitate. After all, you are everything in their life. So my way or the highway does not work. my way or the highway does not work. Do as I say and not as I do does not work. If you want to teach them to be a person of Adam. If you want to teach them good manners be a person of good manners. If you want to teach them to be a person of Allah, if you want to teach them to be
selfless people that worry about the community that are concerned about the masjid and the affairs of the masjid and get involved become that person and you will see by default, they will start becoming that because through action, you've taught them that we should be Beloved.
We've taught them that we should be Beloved. When they see you giving charity they will give charity.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the understanding now so
We get the idea. Right? love the idea behind me here. That's another idea Islamic development encourage action we get the idea the light bulb in our head insha Allah. by him. I think we've discussed enough the fathers and the husbands. Let's go to the mothers