Mom Dad Lets Talk

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Said Rageah

Channel: Said Rageah

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Da da da da da da da da ne ne

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ne

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over

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social media to Allah

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to the

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Buddha

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in the shadow of the

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Buddha

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Hello

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Dorian fusina women say Dr. Medina

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yeah the level for word of mouth dead woman you believe in felony charges 11 million murshida

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Why should you under the law wahoo la sharika

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Why should you wanna Mohammed Abu hora soon?

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You heard larina mana talkin la Pato party he was low into Muslim moon.

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Yeah Johan NASA Takara bakuman, Lady Hanako, Meenakshi wahida.

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Come in Hanzo jaha Warburton in humare yard and Catedral one is

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what the Omaha lady has to be he went

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in aloha Kennedy from what Aviva

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Yeah, you had Latina Armando topple moholoholo covenants and either use local mmamoloko we have a local de novo con woman nuclear in Nevada Sula, who for party faza falls in

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Santa Monica Salem khademi kurama la

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will say Howdy, howdy Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam worshipped are no more remote to have a column of data to better work could have been out in Bora Bora.

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inshallah,

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since the title

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is related to the parents and the children at the same time,

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what I would do is I will divide the lecture in two parts.

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First part

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it would be dealing with the parents

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and

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how the children

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should be dealing with the parents.

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On the second part of the lecture, we're going to flip that

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and we're going to talk about how the children

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and the parents relationship is from a children's from the youth point of view.

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Starting with the parent side,

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I'm not gonna talk to you today.

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About a lot of is that related how we should treat our parents and that treating your parents is next to worshiping Allah subhanho wa Taala in the Koran and all that how did we make code one or two Ahadi but it won't be that because you already know that. I mean, I believe that I will not add any more information to your knowledge from this point of view, because from day one, you were told how to behave towards the parent and this is coming from the Quran and Sunnah.

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But some of the issue that has to be addressed

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is on

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the issue of a child raising his voice

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above the voice of his parents.

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See, you guys made thing it is simple thing.

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But in reality, it is a major thing.

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for a child to speak louder than his parents, and if you see if you read their biography of the set of rahimullah, you will see how kind of soft they used to be towards their mother or towards their parents.

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Some other issues.

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And by the way, I'm going to be a little bit biased here because I am a parent. So I'm gonna let you have it from a parent's point of view. And I'll express my feeling both bros I will express my feelings just me.

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The second thing is some of the children they've been lifted the status of the parents and they treat them as though they don't know anything and the child Mashallah is this call of the century

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some of them

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they go as far as kicking their parents out of the house, hitting the parents, neglecting their parents, and all that. We know and we know the consequence of these things. Allah subhanho wa Taala or us to be grateful to our parents, to respect them. And that's when Allah says in Surah Surah walk about a book Allah Allah Allah year, what will one need a Sunnah?

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And

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just for you to know if you do not know

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that all sort of life's a long journey. He was selling me as a question.

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And he said, you know,

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what is a major sin?

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I don't want to be accurate in Kabbalah, shall I tell you the biggest and the major sins? They say yes.

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And then he listed on the on the long run, he was said he should or could be learned that you associate someone with Allah subhanho wa Taala. That is one of the biggest sin that anyone commit. Then he said, Whoa, whoa, whoa, why didn't you cut off your parents and he'd be harsh to your parents.

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Now what sort of life some of Lavalle he was sending them,

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also informing another Howdy.

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And he said, Rama and familiar in some of them, and he he, he said, that he may be humble, in in the sight of Allah, maybe a loser. And then you repeat that three times. And they said, manyatta, sola, who was that person, God and many other Aqaba way, a person who I was given the opportunity to witness his parents, or one of his parents, and then they did not they would not have the cause for that in the individual to enter Paradise.

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So if Allah gave me the opportunity to witness your parents, and you did not enter Paradise, because of that you consider to be loser. According to the mastery of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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In a hadith recently, tell me,

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a man came to the Prophet salla bodies, and he was all panicking in a concern. You know, he was worried about what he did. And so what happened is a Yato sort of law, I commit a major sin. So what did you do? Is there a commit a major sin? Is it Do you have a mother? Is it No, you're a sort of luck, is it harder? And he said, Yes, he said, then be kind to her.

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Be kind, not to your mother. But you're harder to and why that is the only way this thing can be removed.

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The brothers asked me to not to talk too much about the issue with the parents and because the time is very short.

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But guess what, if you learn

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if the parents

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wants to establish a relationship with the child, which they should,

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they should,

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then the following steps should be taking from the parents. And inshallah our list is that I will list the steps of the child, my state should be able to close that gap.

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But I would like to give you an introduction

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to why we are like this.

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See, your parents have met parents, or it is the parents who are here who came from back home. They were raised in a certain way. They have a certain expectation. They want their child to behave a certain way towards them. But that is not in place because the child is completely raised in a different environment.

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So the expectation is no longer there. But at the same time, and this is the fault of the parents, they fail to understand that this communication, the old fashioned communication is not fulfilling the need of this relationship. Therefore, the parents have to learn how to adapt to the new situation, new environment environment, and they have to learn how to cope with the society we're living in, and the upbringing of this child to close the gap between my child and myself.

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Now, if the parents do the following,

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I think that can be eliminated to some extent.

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First thing that we fail to do as a parent

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are listening to them.

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We don't listen.

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I mean, the chat wants to talk because he sees this TV shows, and Mashallah you have cable at home of all the channels. And now when the child tried to implement what he learned from the TV, you show him no

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space for that adage?

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Well, we have to listen to them. Because really, they have a lot to say. And we can learn a lot. I mean, my parents, a lawyer from Roma, and maybe any child was raised back home.

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He just can't come to his room say that, listen, I have a problem kind of talk to you.

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Know, that was not the case.

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You don't talk to your father like this back home. Sometimes the only see your father is when you're in so much trouble. Your mother can handle you. So she called 911. That is your father. And he comes home. You know, the call comes from, you know, when your father calls you. He says, you know, you're ready for a whip. I mean, there is no talk, what happened? How did that happen? What did you do no such thing, you know, you're going to be last.

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So you get ready for that.

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But here, you need to talk.

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And we need to listen. So the child have to learn. The parents have to learn how to communicate with their children. But at the same time, we make a mistake here, we wait

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until we have no control over the chart. He's either talking to his friend over the phone, or he's talking his classmates, or he's dealing with other people. Or maybe he's going behind them and going to the Imams and talking to their problems. And then we said, okay, let us talk. I'm your father, you got to talk to me first. And there is no connection, because a child cannot relate to the parents.

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The other thing that the parents have to learn is when they listen.

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What did you do? Well, you know, we were, you know, watching a movie and we, I checked my my friend's vehicle, I got into accident, oh my God, the Father, he loses, you know, he loses.

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Any chance I told you don't drive, and then the state monitor child so much that the child is so listen, oh, that was a mistake, I'm not gonna come back to this conversation, or come to talk to this man ever again.

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Rather, the father or the mother. This is okay, this is what happened. This is the best naseeha or the child said this is an issue that I have how to deal with, instead of admonishing that child, calling him a name, they should listen to the child.

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The third thing that the parents should do, allow the child to make mistakes.

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And I'm not talking about little kids, two years, three years old, I'm talking about the

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youth, allow them to express their feelings, allow them to learn as they go

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is a mistake that we expect them to behave exactly the same way we behaving today. I mean, we are 30 years ahead of them. We have 30 years experience, but at the same time, we expect them to behave exactly the way we're behaving. Listen, you should talk to the people doing I talk to them. You are not born like this. You learn through time.

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So you have to allow the child also to make mistakes and learn from his mistakes. I always say to the people, if you make a mistake, and you learn from it, that is not a mistake. That is a lesson that you learn. But if you make a mistake and you repeat the mistake, then you fall.

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You can't do the same thing twice and say well, that was another mistake. Yeah, sure. That was another mistake. Come on, tell me that.

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That A Thing number four, don't ever

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ever compare your child to someone else?

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You know what they said? and who they are?

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You know,

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you just say, what was wrong with you? Don't you say, you know, your peers, you know what they doing?

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Oh my god, he finishes school. Oh my god, he has a job. And what do you do used to do in grade? 12? You know, you're a failure.

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Look, where are they? Are they getting married? And what do you do? You live with me? You know,

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that shy kid comparing him to someone else? Because he has a different ability. Maybe he's not good at school, he's good at something else, that that child is not good.

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So you comparing him to another child, you know, you are not helping him. But rather, you're destroying his self esteem.

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You're destroying him. You don't do this, but you're alone the Chelsea okay. And hamdulillah This is that he has a different ability. Now, let us see, what do you look, you know, what they teach you is child psychology. When we were at the university, and we're learning child psychology, they tell you, their child,

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most of the kids based on you know, the, the focus of the kafar. They say between 1416 to 40 years is certain people, they still searching.

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They still searching Oh, of who they are, they don't know who they are. Some of the people and the first few years, they are able to establish, um, this person by the age of 18 is a mature person, and you can trust him and some other kids, some other people over 25, you tell them go give me a milk from the convenience store, it comes back with candies.

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They can't do the same. So you can parent that child to someone else. It is a mistake.

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No, number six on number five. And I think I mentioned this in advance. You train the child from how old from when he is three, four years old. And let me see if you can keep a pen. Give him a pen. and say if you keep this pen for a week,

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a whole week, and you're responsible of this pen for a week. I'm gonna reward you.

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I'm gonna reward you now what does this kid's gonna do? You already said you keep this pen for a week, you got a treat.

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Now that kid is gonna put his life on the line, just for the sake of 10. You know, no matter what you do, I try with that with one of my daughters. Now she sleeps with the pen. I'm telling you, I she she hides the pen. And then I came up with the new rules. Because Hey, listen, I gave her a month. And she I said the ink has to finish, you know. And then she writes a letter to every one of the house. Daddy, you the best. Daddy, I love you. Daddy, don't be hard on me, daddy, I want to buy this, I think I want the pen I don't want you to write to me anymore. You know, because she's writing letters and letters and letters to every single person of the house because she has to

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finish the ink in a

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unit teach them to you responsible when you finish. This is your treat, and will lie, they work. But if you when your child is 1718 years old, listen, this is the key of the vehicle. You better bring it back, no scratch,

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make sure they scratch haven't paid for your pay for you know, we teach them the responsibility in early age.

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Also,

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the parents have to be very honest, but at the same time, very sensitive with the child.

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Okay, there's a mistake. You want to correct the mistake. You don't want let that you don't want the child to learn in a hard way. You don't say son, you know I smell cigarettes. But probably it's not a cigarette is more like home. You know, it smells something different. You know? Now you tell me after you smacking is the cigarette, you know, noise smacking party and we're trying to be westernized right here. That was all saying, you know, what do you say you tell him some SEO isn't right. You tell him. This is what you should do about this. This is the benefit on the harm of Yeah, you may look cool when you're smoking straight in front of your brother. But you know, look at your

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teeth. You know,

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they look like a yellow cat. You know, you tell them a few things. And there's a missing this is health hazard. You're not allowed to do this

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So without putting him down, you correct him.

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Number seven,

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you always give your child that regardless, give him the comfort, that regardless what he does, I'll be there for you, son. I'll be there for you. You might son, you know, I love you, I'll be there for you. And when the child knows, when all the doors are closed in front of my face, when no one wants to talk to me, when no one's willing to listen to me, I know where to go.

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I'm going back to my parents. I'm going to talk to my father. I'm going to take him for cognizant that this is the issue that I'm dealing with the girls, they have problems, you know,

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the little girl she'll learn,

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Mom, I have a problem. Let us talk

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the laws when it comes to the parasite.

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You have to be

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in their shoes.

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Again, what law if we just learned be in the shoes of your son, see how everyone else is looking at him? You know, we live in a society we were raised in a community. If I do a mistake, my father or my parents will not admonish me or with me on the street. Now the whole neighborhood Mashallah they were volunteer.

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Well, how do you make a mistake, the first person comes to you in smacks you first, and then he hold you by the ears. And he takes you to your Father and your Father without knowing the problem when he sees you, someone bringing you Mashallah, he's ready. You know?

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What did I do? He's not gonna say, what, what did my son do? They said, were some of my, some of the people I brought in, in public, he did something wrong. And then when he lashed me, they said, What did you do?

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You know, see, the whole community raised us,

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we're here is completely different.

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So you have to understand, if you have on your child,

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he's gonna go to his friend. And he says, Man, I, you know, I can slam my mother's I can slam the door in front of my mother, I can talk back to them, I can do this. And then the child, listen, I can't do any of that, you know, why not?

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So you got to understand where they're coming from, where they're coming from.

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Now, also, this is the part that the US have to do.

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The first thing that the youth have to do, he has to understand,

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no matter what you do, no matter how big you get, no matter how knowledgeable you become, you still to them, that little kid that they use to change his diaper.

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You have to understand the mentality of the parents, you still to them a little baby,

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they can still raise their voice when they're talking to you. They can still talk loud, you know, when I go home, like when I go back home, I talk to one of my brothers, or you know, my, they don't just say, Oh, this is him. I'm sorry. But uh, sit down. No, give me the shoe.

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But give me t as I want to go back to Canada, I was treated veterans and I want to go back there. And they still see me as a little kid.

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And that's how do you understand you can sit Whoa. But at the same time,

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they have grammar for you.

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You know, they get concern about you, they cry for you. They they are afraid that you make a mistake. Maybe you are 100 and now your father or your father to be or husband, husband to the wife wife to be your mother or mother to be but they still think you don't know what's what's best for you. You don't know you can make you can come to conclusion. This is my life. I'm gonna run it. So you have to understand from what they come in from also.

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The second thing is

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you have to understand your parents.

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They have complete different, totally different culture than yours.

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You know?

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For example, my parents, Rahim Allah, if our guests come over, you know what they used to do? They won't even bother asking us. They will come. My mother will come. She would take the Boston you know, the cover over from us. I said get up, get up. What am I Why? You know, because we have some guests over so I have to come

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From the bed, and someone's going to sleep due to one of your kids nowadays is going to call 911.

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There's a child abuse here, you know, you know, what am I this is, this is my problem this my right some of the kids, they have their stop, do not insert it, put that in my house, I show you everything, you know, I like to be fly from the window. But this is not every parent should do this. However, you know, this, the background is completely different.

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You shouldn't you're about to eat, someone knocks the door, you get up, allow them to sit and they eat your food.

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They just enjoy your food.

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And you sit there and you watch them.

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And after they finish, you get them watered so they can wash their hands with

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one line.

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And now if you say get up the first child your child will do, you will pick up his plate you will walk away with in one life if we do this next thing is a shift shift. You know shoot a flying shoe.

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But we can do that anymore.

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The third thing is as a child

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is a lot Allah blessed you with some knowledge of this Deen. And your parents are not on the same level yet. You gotta teach them. But you have to be very smart how to teach them.

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You know, you don't come back. And you say Oh mom, God. The announcer said the purpose of alojado he was in a mystic shower with his wife. Why don't you guys get on?

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I never see taking shower together. In

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What's wrong with you? Why don't you don't like the sound of the puppets and alone he will settle them.

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And the old lady I love yoga in hyperborean Oh my god. Oh my god, what are they teaching my children? You know, what are they? And he says some handler what do they do? What do they do? I'm just telling you, I taught you sooner. And it's like, what are the some of these guys are called themselves? What are the one you know? Don't be close to them. You don't know what under Islam and the old lady's Allahu Akbar, CNN, Allahu Akbar, that the rumors goes from there.

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And the next thing that you know is your all the kids are bound to come to your senses. What happened?

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Don't you know what they're teaching the children? Anyway to add, and then I'm gonna go to our and our Allah goes, Oh, my God is completed if a mess is a mess, so you gotta learn how to talk to your parents.

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Well, like, if you make a mistake,

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and they will never transient, you see those guy with a big, big beard, stay away from them. They don't teach good things in so you don't talk to your parents about taking shower together? Or I never say that I never see you being a flower to to, to my mother, you know, how come there's no kissing in the house? What is a soap opera is this. This is your all. Mother and father. They don't even know what kiss is Subhanallah? You know, they don't know.

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And you want to talk to them about sort of lines on the law on if or when he walks the house. He used miswak that Guess what, when he used miswak, you know, probably was something had no next thing is the shoe system.

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Also in the 40s that there is a huge problem.

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And

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this problem

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is with some of the kids

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and they have to learn the children, especially those children. And these children, they don't know that we as a parent or their parents, some of them Subhana Allah, they are single mothers. They work day and night. You go school you play you have fun, you come back, you know maybe she works a part time she comes home, she serves you. The food is rented the house clean, everything's taken care of you don't appreciate that.

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You know, even some of the mothers of Hannah law she's so concerned because the old man Mashallah is giving the news. What happened to her case, but honestly, I've been hammered. And he's telling you he's sitting the Tim Hortons with the mothers is dragging the children to school every single day.

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You know, you don't and then the child when he grows up, what does he say? Oh, I hate you. This is

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Guess what? I hate you to lie. If that was my kid. I'll tell him listen, I have a news for your son. I hate you too. Are you just starting hating me? I have been hating him for the past 16 years. You know what, like, you know, they eat our food.

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They live under our roof. They drink our water.

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They use our utilities and they have the adjuster to come and say, I hate you. I hate you, too.

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Boy, you don't know how much I hate you. I really, really hate you.

00:30:14--> 00:30:15

Do you know

00:30:16--> 00:30:17

if I ever

00:30:18--> 00:30:21

can see my mother my prayers, I say, I hate you.

00:30:22--> 00:30:30

Allahu Akbar. There's a system called sugar. You know, sugar, sugar fingers. Do you know that terminology?

00:30:33--> 00:30:34

Well, you're spoiled.

00:30:36--> 00:30:37

Sugar fingers is

00:30:38--> 00:30:43

when your parents called you, they call you. And they say, son, say yeah,

00:30:45--> 00:30:47

turn to a side and you turn to another side.

00:30:48--> 00:30:54

And they put their hands on the head on your head, and they can see their hand and they give you

00:30:58--> 00:31:03

and then you hear ring between your ears for four hours.

00:31:06--> 00:31:07

for four hours,

00:31:09--> 00:31:17

this instruction should be applied in a certain way. If you want to full effect when you using a sugar fingers,

00:31:19--> 00:31:25

especially for the boys. Give them a haircut first. So you can think very well. That's number one.

00:31:26--> 00:31:27

Number two,

00:31:29--> 00:31:42

you have if you get black, brown sugar fingers, if your white is a you know, white sugar finger, if you're female sauce, trigger finger, if your man hearts trigger finger, you know, when you hit it.

00:31:45--> 00:31:46

You say I love you, son.

00:31:48--> 00:31:49

You let him know that you love him

00:31:51--> 00:32:09

when you hurt him, and he understands who's the boss, you know, you see from from day one, until the two years of what do we teach our children cannot walk walk all Mashallah he says Baba, he says mom for the rest of their life. What do you tell them shut up, I sit down.

00:32:13--> 00:32:15

That's what we tell them. Shut up, be quiet and sit down.

00:32:16--> 00:32:20

Because soon the past two years old, they running around the house.

00:32:21--> 00:32:25

They do meet the love in the kitchen and everywhere. And you tell them to be quiet and sit down.

00:32:27--> 00:32:29

And then they come to you.

00:32:30--> 00:32:43

And what do they tell you? And it's not fair. And it's not fair. You know? It's just not fair for me. How did you? That was not fair. Every other father has the decency. But I have to have you. You know.

00:32:45--> 00:32:54

Did anyone ask me? No. I have to deal with you. It's not fair. I'll tell you what, it's not fair. It's not really me waking up every single morning looking at this face.

00:32:57--> 00:33:02

Well, Adam, some of the kids, he can't tell them. He's like, Can I get him from the house or from the zoo?

00:33:05--> 00:33:11

Wasn't from the zoo of the hospital? He can't say he's a gorilla or a cow. Or you know, you know, and

00:33:12--> 00:33:23

I know because the way I look at it is because he has funny hair cut. You know, sometimes they have Afro that they don't wash. Mashallah. And their room is in a mess. 24 seven,

00:33:27--> 00:33:31

which is not fair. As a parents having such a child.

00:33:33--> 00:34:00

And then they come and they say, I don't want to live here. I want to move out. I'll help you, sir. Our help you tell me the closest subway, I'll drive you there, where you want to go. If one way tickets, I'll give you that. I'll buy you the ticket. You know, you want to go explore the city and the kids fine do it. And they tell you they sit eating my food. You know, this is not fair. I'm still living under my roof.

00:34:02--> 00:34:11

This kids have to learn how to respect they have to learn how to respect their parents and live the life of a Muslim.

00:34:13--> 00:34:14

No now

00:34:16--> 00:34:18

as a movement as a young man

00:34:19--> 00:34:20

or young lady.

00:34:22--> 00:34:24

If Allah subhana wa Allah bless you with the parents

00:34:25--> 00:34:35

who are willing to support you keep you under TV under a warm, kind move for on the table. You should appreciate.

00:34:37--> 00:34:40

You should appreciate you should really should appreciate

00:34:41--> 00:34:50

I mean mother's hand a lot. You see them jogging five kids to the school, and then when he was 17 he's fighting back.

00:34:52--> 00:34:54

That is a waste of energy and time.

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

I want to say something before we start to the second

00:35:00--> 00:35:00

Part of the lecture.

00:35:02--> 00:35:03

And this, I want to read a poem

00:35:05--> 00:35:08

that I don't write poems, but it's and it's not mine.

00:35:09--> 00:35:10

But

00:35:11--> 00:35:12

the poem is this.

00:35:14--> 00:35:16

In Arabic, he says,

00:35:17--> 00:35:26

boredom and Gehenna. A person fooled a child or a young man who's an ignorant,

00:35:27--> 00:35:30

being od came a in a bigger bottle.

00:35:32--> 00:35:38

He should use him with his wealth, his poverty status, so he can put hardship on this kid.

00:35:39--> 00:35:49

On TV through the Omega SATA, he said to the kid, bring me the heart, the heart of your mother or young boy, what I can do, I

00:35:51--> 00:36:20

don't have any return, I'll give you anything that you wish. Cars, money, status, I'll give you anything for mother, mother, Finn, john, he's sorry. He went back to the house. And he put a dagger on his mother's heart. And this dagger is symbolic. And what is in them is a statement that you say to your mother, it is such a was like a dagger in the heart of the mother, and you've placed that dagger in her heart.

00:36:21--> 00:36:25

And you think you did not do anything harder, will cause more harm to her.

00:36:27--> 00:36:57

And he took the heart of his mother, because every time you leave the house, you take any piece of your mother, you take a piece of your father, and he wasn't back. He said to that person, lurking No, meaningful serrata he however, is it because he was rushing, he fell. And then for the good news is after when he said the ground, the heart, he released the heart and then the heart start rolling.

00:37:03--> 00:37:06

And then the heart of the mother spoke to the son

00:37:07--> 00:37:17

while the hottest cover with dust and mud. What are the heavy handed are sober coming bottom, all my beloved son are you hurt?

00:37:19--> 00:37:21

Oh man, we love it, oh, my beloved son are you hurt.

00:37:23--> 00:37:24

But kind of had a so

00:37:25--> 00:37:48

we it said this gentle voice that came out of the heart of a summer as donkey causes the heavens to be angry, to be angry at that child. Then 139 and then the child his heart was open Allah Allah with the heart to be open. And then he took the heart of his mother and there's our washing with water.

00:37:51--> 00:37:52

And he took the dagger.

00:37:53--> 00:37:55

And he wants to kill himself

00:37:56--> 00:38:29

because of the magnitude of what he did before on fire your play Burton limonada. He wants to hurt himself like you hear him his mother. So it can be a listen to the generations to come. What's that? 100 and then while you're being a mini and he's talking to the heart, and he say take your revenge, and you said the day I commit a sin that will never be forgiven, never been home. And then that heart spoke to the child once again. And he said

00:38:32--> 00:38:33

yeah, then what are

00:38:34--> 00:38:39

you saying hold the hand and did not kill my heart twice.

00:38:40--> 00:38:48

Do not kill me twice by hurting yourself. You hurt your parents so many times. But at the moment that you get hurt.

00:38:49--> 00:38:56

They forget everything. And they concern about you and your well being

00:38:57--> 00:39:06

that was with the villa. This is a part that comes from the parents. And now we will talk about the children and their

00:39:07--> 00:39:09

mom that that is talk.

00:39:10--> 00:39:25

Let us talk what are the things one thing thing? What are the things that you have in your mind? And you will never tell your parents? Not because you don't want to tell them but because you are afraid of their reaction.

00:39:27--> 00:39:28

What is it guys?

00:39:30--> 00:39:31

Oh, come on. Don't lie to me.

00:39:33--> 00:39:33

What is it?

00:39:35--> 00:39:40

The first thing first in the list, the opposite gender. Right?

00:39:41--> 00:39:44

Come on guy liars. I know you guys.

00:39:46--> 00:39:47

That's the first thing

00:39:49--> 00:39:49

is like

00:39:51--> 00:39:53

whether you're in love with someone

00:39:54--> 00:40:00

or you're in love with a person that doesn't exist. You just reach

00:40:00--> 00:40:12

In love, you know, the love is in the air spraying and Mashallah, you're floating around and you don't know who you're in love with. But you're flying around, you know, that is something that every youth

00:40:13--> 00:40:17

it's true. Why? Because when you reach a certain age,

00:40:19--> 00:40:36

sometimes it becomes a seasonal. Well, why is a season? You don't know. But your heart is being your absent minded. You talk to this young man, and he's not there, the teacher is explaining and his mind is absent. What happened to him? He's singing about someone that doesn't exist. So most of the time.

00:40:39--> 00:40:40

Now, you want to tell you,

00:40:42--> 00:41:00

I said, Listen, you know, I have a crush on someone. haven't figured that out yet. I don't know who the person is. But I love someone in Can you tell me? What is this pain that I have? In my heart? You know, how should I come to this? What should I do?

00:41:01--> 00:41:02

You can't?

00:41:03--> 00:41:08

Because if you talk to your mother, what would she say? Sugar finger.

00:41:10--> 00:41:24

That's the first thing. And the Hogan high quad. Listen, you know, oh, my God, what is he saying? Every time you know, what a shameful thing that he shot, you know, feel shame, you know, don't talk about these things.

00:41:25--> 00:41:25

Right?

00:41:27--> 00:41:41

It's true. And the parents like, oh, man, and he says, Why did I have to talk to her anyway? She won't understand. Why do you have to talk to her you want to talk to and what the problem is, when you find someone.

00:41:43--> 00:41:48

You want to find a new one American when we advise someone to talk to your parents is the most difficult thing.

00:41:49--> 00:41:53

So we are afraid to talk to them? Because they may not listen.

00:41:54--> 00:41:55

Other issue?

00:41:58--> 00:42:02

The thing that can only happen between husband and wife

00:42:05--> 00:42:05

You know,

00:42:06--> 00:42:17

what is what is it? You know? What do we know about it? You wanting to go and learn from outside. But your parents were not willing to teach you.

00:42:19--> 00:42:20

They don't want to talk to you about that.

00:42:21--> 00:42:26

You know, they don't want to talk about anything that relates to genes.

00:42:28--> 00:42:40

Why? Because in our culture is no no, you know, you don't get up in your mind. The only thing that is like, my parents can never talk to me about this.

00:42:42--> 00:42:52

I've got to go and find someone they can ask or go into the incident. But it depends a lot you to talk to them. You will say what you know, what should I do?

00:42:53--> 00:42:58

How should I counter this problem? And you can go over this problem isn't

00:42:59--> 00:43:00

that friend,

00:43:01--> 00:43:07

or bad companions, with his classmates or the person that you know or from your neighbor?

00:43:09--> 00:43:13

Your parents, sometimes they play deaf, dumb and blind.

00:43:15--> 00:43:22

We play this we can see we can hear and we don't know. And we don't want to know.

00:43:23--> 00:43:36

You know your child is with a bad person. A person who will teach him things that you should have seen teaching your child. You should have taught him already.

00:43:38--> 00:43:42

But you want to play innocent all my Sharla my entertainer,

00:43:43--> 00:43:48

my Umberto Masha Allah she does not know anything.

00:43:51--> 00:44:16

And the hugging on my daughter's and all these things the other girls will have left on I know is about girls, you know and we do the same thing with the boys my son Mashallah. He doesn't do anything bad. You know how many father he says, you know my son, he listens Mashallah, he is very obedient, Mashallah, he doesn't leave the house, Mashallah, you know, but you know, they lock him up.

00:44:18--> 00:44:22

Why is he in jail? You see, the angel was in behind bars.

00:44:24--> 00:44:33

He said, Well, you know, they were bad kids. They went to the store. And the other night, my son, the other kid, he stole something.

00:44:34--> 00:44:45

And then, the shopkeeper he said, they were both of them involved in this, but you know, Roberts, therefore he is there. We don't want to admit the truth.

00:44:46--> 00:44:50

You don't want to admit your son his pocket? You know?

00:44:52--> 00:44:59

You don't want to admit that he's a loser. You don't want to He's a thief. You know, but not your kid. your neighbor's kid. Yes.

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

But not your kid.

00:45:03--> 00:45:09

And we want to play my inner take my daughter, she doesn't know. She doesn't know.

00:45:11--> 00:45:14

She doesn't even know in the mother. She doesn't know anything about boys.

00:45:15--> 00:45:18

She can write novels about boys. I'm telling you.

00:45:20--> 00:45:22

The parent is like, not my daughter.

00:45:23--> 00:45:24

No.

00:45:25--> 00:45:26

So kinda.

00:45:28--> 00:45:42

We don't want to other parents admit the truth. This kids, they have problems. This kid's 70% of the youth without minors are Muslims.

00:45:43--> 00:45:52

All of them ages according to their fathers, their parents, but it was a mistake and all of them 70% in May there are there by mistake.

00:45:53--> 00:45:56

Yeah, call me when they when you get the right figures.

00:45:57--> 00:46:04

Also, some of the parents, they see, this can smell the sun, spin smoking.

00:46:06--> 00:46:06

Or

00:46:08--> 00:46:10

he can smell that he's been drinking

00:46:11--> 00:46:18

and say, trying to kinda let us pray. The boy is Hi, what are you gonna call me for some for you? Let us pray.

00:46:28--> 00:46:47

The parents, they don't want to admit that the Heritage Center. It's solely praying. Next thing is in a different world. And one of the fathers like other hours, my son was praying with me. And he was like, do you finish that? You know, did you finish your prayer is praying with him? And he said, Are you finished? You know?

00:46:49--> 00:46:55

And then when he finished a song, and he's keeping Salam Alikum Santa Monica, Santa Monica, Santa Monica.

00:47:03--> 00:47:04

I said to the brother

00:47:07--> 00:47:16

What do you think is wrong with your son? Oh, probably he stayed late. You know, he was up for a very long time. And I was very tired.

00:47:18--> 00:47:37

He was tired when I shall not hungry. And he said Sir, Mr. Obama, four times the sleep? Yes. And did he smell? Oh yeah, he smell a little bit. But probably he was waiting with someone else. His son is perfect. He doesn't want to admit that his son is during his drinking or is dealing with drugs.

00:47:38--> 00:47:45

And until we come to the conclusion, and we wrap that son and we say you're doing something wrong, we will not solve the problem.

00:47:47--> 00:47:48

Also, if What if

00:47:50--> 00:47:52

the problem that happens at school

00:47:53--> 00:47:58

we don't like talking about I mean, your daughter or your son

00:47:59--> 00:48:07

is going to school where every other boy or other girl has a boyfriend or girlfriend

00:48:08--> 00:48:29

and you want to say you know what do you do boy is strong you know, girl Mashallah the sisters what they do some of them and I know that they know this. They know some scissors, they come home, they leave home with a job and they come home with the job but in between miniskirts Mashallah, you know,

00:48:31--> 00:48:32

it's true.

00:48:33--> 00:49:05

When she goes to school, blah, blah, come on, you know, the job is gone. When she leaves the school, the hedge advisor Mashallah, Mashallah. she behaves like a little angel, and she has a little book, Mashallah. Every time she's leaving the house, as is, and what are you reading? Oh, I love leaving the house and coming back to the house. Yeah, right. You know, you probably have a phone or between the lines, you know, that's, that's what you have, you know, this is jagged, this is you know, Subhanallah

00:49:07--> 00:49:12

So, we have to learn how to deal with that problem as a parent, go to school.

00:49:13--> 00:49:14

Dropping once a while.

00:49:16--> 00:49:25

When you go to school, you don't also you know, embarrass your child. Even if you see him or her doing some something wrong.

00:49:26--> 00:49:33

Even if you see brothers, your your son is leaning on the wall, talking, you know, sweet talking to young girls.

00:49:34--> 00:49:44

You don't get him a sugar finger out there. No, save the sugar finger until you come home. You know, save that and you tell him but what are you doing, son? I'm giving her down.

00:49:50--> 00:49:59

And the father come is always like, you know my son just a Mashallah he goes and he gives that everywhere, even to the girls.

00:50:02--> 00:50:07

Like and how does she look like? Oh she was a skinny nice you know what

00:50:08--> 00:50:14

is it as a Call me when you as soon as giving a guy with a 250 pounds girl you know then Call me

00:50:16--> 00:50:25

when you see your son's getting down to this obesity sister getting in there and Michelle is sending a Buhari and Muslim commie that is giving down

00:50:27--> 00:50:46

but they are so particular and they know ally these guys they know they're very they're very needy Allah has given them that ability. They know which his or her hearts or prefer Islam. The beautiful ones Of course, you know, it says there's no beautiful she's known for Islam.

00:50:47--> 00:50:49

When you see that, you don't

00:50:51--> 00:50:52

know.

00:50:54--> 00:51:00

But you talk how are you? How's the school? He's gonna panic, she's gonna panic yet.

00:51:01--> 00:51:06

Some of the sisters they take this nursing home they went to public school.

00:51:07--> 00:51:24

And then she saw her daughter lost her job. Mashallah. No, no nothing. She's wearing shorts. What does she do? Nakata? Here the shoes are working. And then she's chasing her little girl in the school with the shoot car. Oh, my God.

00:51:29--> 00:51:31

Would that help? No.

00:51:33--> 00:51:36

That would not have, you know, please

00:51:37--> 00:51:40

deal with the situation when you go home.

00:51:41--> 00:51:49

Talk to them. So why did you do this, the reason she did is because you're not listening. So they have to learn how to listen.

00:51:51--> 00:52:15

Also, we have to acknowledge that when the kids are involved in a dangerous stuff, such as being part of a gang, or they steal, or things like this, you know, you just maybe you know, you can handle the situation by yourself. So don't say I don't want to expose my sins, but go out, seek for help. Go out and look, maybe some people can help you.

00:52:16--> 00:52:30

You know, go to your advisors, stick with the school counselor, see what they see with someone your son or your daughter can listen to, and then that you can solve the problem without exposing this.

00:52:32--> 00:52:39

Also, inshallah, I know the time is very short. And I have a lot to finish. But I have to do this quick.

00:52:41--> 00:52:42

The good things

00:52:44--> 00:52:45

that

00:52:46--> 00:52:48

the young people most of the time,

00:52:49--> 00:52:53

especially those beautiful kids, brothers and sisters, you know, youth like yourself,

00:52:55--> 00:53:00

come to me or come to the man's on to talk about as the issue of marriage.

00:53:01--> 00:53:11

I mean, it is unfair, unfair for the parents, to say to the children finishing school first.

00:53:13--> 00:53:15

You can say that to your child.

00:53:16--> 00:53:30

I mean, if you have a place of your child's attending the school that the two genders are completely separated. Boy, don't see girls and girls don't see boys. I can tell you, okay.

00:53:32--> 00:53:50

Let us try that when you see your son, he sits in his class and the person who's sitting soprano law, she's almost naked. And he turns the stuff for the law. This side she's almost naked. This side, he's almost naked. What do you want him to do? Look at the ceiling in

00:53:51--> 00:53:52

so innocent the class No.

00:53:53--> 00:54:02

It can't be focusing on the ceiling. So, if you want your child to do you know your child, your daughter, your son, they reach that level Bismillah

00:54:03--> 00:54:19

babyz Cha, grab another son or another another child from your friend, the minister said listen, let us look this up, that is marry that allow my son to marry your daughter, or I want my daughter, my daughter to marry your son and let us talk about let us organize. Let us have a system to follow.

00:54:22--> 00:54:51

And of course, you have to follow and do the right things. The right etiquette. It's not like you're getting away from an office. It's not like this. You're not getting away from Safeway, you work so you go through public channels, and you say, this is what I need to do. And imagine as the father of the parents, having one more person in your household, how much that would cost you. Extra $50 a month extra $100 for the safety of your child.

00:54:53--> 00:54:59

I mean, it's unfair. unfair. One of the shippers say yes, he said he can't leave it neat.

00:55:00--> 00:55:05

He cannot leave meat in from the cat, and then blame the cat because he ate the meat.

00:55:07--> 00:55:16

You can or you can you bad cat, you ate that meat? You know, that wasn't for you, you know? You can. So what do you do?

00:55:17--> 00:55:25

We live in a society, that there's a lot of problems, how to solve it, get the kids, get them married,

00:55:27--> 00:55:27

get them married.

00:55:29--> 00:55:39

And that is the most difficult thing for a son or special for daughters to come up to the mother to the Father and say I'm ready for marriage.

00:55:40--> 00:55:44

And the mothers see a lot on your daughters.

00:55:45--> 00:55:48

Raise them, like a righteous wives.

00:55:50--> 00:55:53

Raise them, raise them as a responsible wife.

00:55:55--> 00:56:09

You don't want to reach out for you don't want to when your sister when your daughter is 1718. She's ready for marriage. She said I'm ready for marriage. What do you have? Do you know how to make tea? No tea was available.

00:56:11--> 00:56:13

I'll get you 50

00:56:15--> 00:56:16

do you know how to cook?

00:56:17--> 00:56:18

Pizza?

00:56:22--> 00:56:26

You did not marry another brother. You know, you may have a wife. Right?

00:56:28--> 00:56:40

You if you were looking for a roommate, he will say yeah, Alan, come on, let us live together in a movie, but you want a wife. So what do you do a sister have to know what to do?

00:56:42--> 00:56:47

What to do? She has to know what to do. She has to know how to prepare a meal.

00:56:49--> 00:57:04

Well, I the brother comes to my Masjid. And his eyes are red. I said, What happened? You have a fight with your wife? And he said No, she's not that strong. I say what is the problem? That is your brother. She cooks. So she said when she cooks

00:57:06--> 00:57:08

out for three days in the hospital.

00:57:17--> 00:57:29

I said what do you need? She cooks? She cooks your food. Right? He said, Brother Don't ask me. She just cooks. And if I don't eat, I get in trouble. And if I eat I'm out for three days.

00:57:31--> 00:57:35

And so what does she cook you today? Is it I couldn't taste anything? It was so hot.

00:57:41--> 00:57:59

This is just miserably except a few of them are selling to the righteous wife. And this is maybe what are some of the speakers have spoken about. But you have to cover them. You have the mothers have to teach the children how to be a mother. How to be a wife.

00:58:01--> 00:58:03

Some of the mothers like no no, no do your school.

00:58:05--> 00:58:16

And the brothers like brother I did not marry book American wife. I can't find anything. She knows everything about computers. She knows everything about intendant she knows match you know science, but she doesn't know how to make sandwich.

00:58:21--> 00:58:26

And the brothers Oh my god. Brothers, boy and boy.

00:58:27--> 00:58:31

Okay, brothers. When you say you want to get married,

00:58:32--> 00:58:33

you should first

00:58:35--> 00:58:36

stand in front of the mirror.

00:58:38--> 00:58:39

Reading

00:58:40--> 00:58:43

if you see a goat in the mirror,

00:58:50--> 00:58:50

you never read.

00:58:53--> 00:59:00

If you see a goat right there chewing something if you're not ready for bread.

00:59:02--> 00:59:08

But if you see a man who was responsible, then you come to the lab. You're ready.

00:59:10--> 00:59:17

What lies some of the brothers? They have no sense of responsibility.

00:59:21--> 00:59:22

Say Yo, what's up yo

00:59:25--> 00:59:26

yo, is

00:59:27--> 00:59:36

I say What's up? He said, Well, I found this sister. She was so fine, man. The leaves were on the floor.

00:59:39--> 00:59:45

I said What happened? hurricane you know that? What happened to the ball. She was so fine.

00:59:48--> 00:59:49

She was hot.

00:59:51--> 00:59:56

I said I don't care whether she's hot or cold. She's a decent sister.

00:59:57--> 00:59:59

So she's male.

01:00:00--> 01:00:00

Nice.

01:00:02--> 01:00:06

I said Brother, what are you looking for a wife?

01:00:08--> 01:00:13

Or someone that smells nice? Only? Everything, everything, everything.

01:00:16--> 01:00:20

I said, Okay, tell me the quality of a wife that you're looking for.

01:00:22--> 01:00:29

What's wrong with you lips? Guys? Why do you have to lick your lips? 24? Seven, I can understand without licking your lips.

01:00:31--> 01:00:34

You're not what is the guy who LL Cool J.

01:00:36--> 01:00:40

Crew, J Rosina, you're not you know, just relax and talk to me. You know?

01:00:43--> 01:00:50

what life is like, maybe next time, he's gonna choose lips. And then the brother, we have to take him to 911 we have to take him to the emergency.

01:00:53--> 01:00:53

Step.

01:01:16--> 01:01:18

I give you an idea.

01:01:19--> 01:01:20

Don't ever be an email.

01:01:21--> 01:01:25

If you become an email, you will with these things that you never imagined.

01:01:27--> 01:01:30

I said, I said, Brother, what do you want? Is that?

01:01:39--> 01:01:39

What is that?

01:01:41--> 01:01:42

36

01:01:44--> 01:01:46

is like, What? What?

01:01:48--> 01:01:52

Is that the beginning of her phone number? Or what are you giving it? Then he sees it?

01:01:55--> 01:01:57

as like, what is that? He said you don't know?

01:01:59--> 01:02:00

I said Well, I don't know. Yeah.

01:02:01--> 01:02:14

Those four digits, those six digits total? I don't know what the numbers that have our seven digits. You know, what is this phone number area code? What is it? You know, zip code talk to me what

01:02:15--> 01:02:23

is like now that is the size of the system. So you want me to go and say so we have a brother for you. Wait a second, let me measure you first.

01:02:25--> 01:02:26

Want me to do?

01:02:29--> 01:02:32

What do you want me to do? belay?

01:02:35--> 01:02:44

He's not asking about Haiti. He's not asking where she's from. The mother's concerned about numbers. You know, I said, Brother.

01:02:46--> 01:03:00

That's your homework. You know, you do that at home? He shall after then he can. You know, you do that at home? You know, you don't tell me the numbers. But I don't want to know. Now you gotta be responsible. Brothers.

01:03:02--> 01:03:06

Number one, if I'm a father, I am a father.

01:03:08--> 01:03:16

I want to know, this boy is coming to come to my house and propose to my daughter. Is he a responsible person?

01:03:18--> 01:03:19

It is not.

01:03:22--> 01:03:23

Some of the brothers

01:03:24--> 01:03:44

they far, far away from responsibility. I think the only responsibility that this kid has is keeping his pants up. You know, you know those parents that? You know, obviously they're, you know, and everyone who is holding them up. I say

01:03:45--> 01:03:47

are you wearing a pair of pants?

01:03:49--> 01:03:56

There is a female just, you know, you all see women calling them like this. You know?

01:03:57--> 01:04:02

If you were in the dinner, I cannot marry my daughter. Yeah. You know, what are you doing?

01:04:04--> 01:04:19

That's the owner responsibility. He has no jobs. How are you going to feed your wife? He said no. Oh my god. Chef. You did not ask that question. Oh my god. I had more respect for you. She will bring.

01:04:21--> 01:04:31

I said do you see that road? Yeah, sit right there along or bring away for you. You know, Wait right there. Don't move.

01:04:32--> 01:04:33

A wife will come to you.

01:04:35--> 01:04:38

That is not how it happens. And if you won't, why?

01:04:39--> 01:04:47

You have to be able to support her. If you don't have a supporting understanding parents. You have to take the responsibility.

01:04:51--> 01:04:53

Other brother right here in Toronto.

01:04:54--> 01:04:54

is a chef.

01:04:56--> 01:04:59

I find a sister. I say find a sister.

01:05:00--> 01:05:08

She was lost, you know? What do you mean? She No, no, no, no, she's upon the sister. And so we're, we're, you know, she said she's in the shelter.

01:05:10--> 01:05:19

I said, you know, in my mind, I'm thinking, the brother is good. He has a job. He's gonna save the sister. I said, What do you need? He said, I live right next to her.

01:05:25--> 01:05:27

So both of you are living in a shelter.

01:05:28--> 01:05:29

Yeah.

01:05:32--> 01:05:43

You live in a shelter. You want to get married? Yes. You have no house? home? No. You have no job? No, you have nothing. No, I don't

01:05:45--> 01:05:48

lie Alec. What What do you do?

01:05:50--> 01:05:52

Well, in America, the case was different.

01:05:53--> 01:05:55

In America, especially African American,

01:05:56--> 01:06:02

they were rough and men. And if such person comes to me, I will just say,

01:06:04--> 01:06:09

and they will take that kid for a walk. He has no walks. Have you ever taken a walk?

01:06:11--> 01:06:18

Know that walk, let me introduce walk to You rose walk is when someone takes you for a walk.

01:06:19--> 01:06:20

And only one of you comes back.

01:06:23--> 01:06:27

One of you comes back. And most likely you won't be here.

01:06:29--> 01:06:30

They won't be you.

01:06:31--> 01:06:57

So they will take them for a walk. And they will shift their faces a little bit not too much. And they will bring them back. They will drag them back. You know, but here you have to deal with what minimum that you have, which is from the left. But since this situation, I can marry the sister be responsible for the sort of my son in law it was so so yeah, Masha Shabaab or young people.

01:06:58--> 01:07:12

Minister, bah, bah, bah, what? He said, If you as you keep it with your cable, and you are able to marry you, so I mean, you can handle a wife sisters are funny.

01:07:14--> 01:07:14

Very funny.

01:07:16--> 01:07:19

And I'm not saying laughing funny. No, they are funny.

01:07:21--> 01:07:26

I'm serious. You know, if you don't not, listen, marital acts.

01:07:27--> 01:07:34

Marriage is an act. If you don't know how to deal with wife. You're going to be weightless.

01:07:35--> 01:07:43

What happens is this, you come out of the house. Everything is sweet and beautiful. And you come back to the house. Oh, my gosh, she's upset.

01:07:44--> 01:07:47

What did you do? You don't know?

01:07:49--> 01:07:51

You don't know yet.

01:07:53--> 01:07:56

asking her what's wrong is another mistake.

01:07:58--> 01:07:59

So what do you do?

01:08:00--> 01:08:02

You have to think smart.

01:08:05--> 01:08:07

And men are not as smart.

01:08:09--> 01:08:12

When it comes to these things, we are not smart.

01:08:13--> 01:08:19

I can say that. We not smart. You come home and you look around

01:08:21--> 01:08:33

and you're thinking What did I do wrong? You know what? She was fine. She was sweet. She everything was so when I left for Salah, I came back things are not the same. What did I do wrong?

01:08:34--> 01:08:35

You think

01:08:36--> 01:09:01

you can't come up with anything? Which is another mistake. You know, you have to come up with you have to blame yourself as I'm sorry. That I didn't mean to do. You don't know what you did. But you have to apologize first. You know, put that on the table first. I'm really sure it won't lie. That was a mistake. What do they do? You know, what do they do? You know, you don't know. But submit first, you submit.

01:09:04--> 01:09:06

And then she looks up.

01:09:07--> 01:09:10

And you know there's no dinner that night. If she looks up?

01:09:11--> 01:09:12

Let us call pizza.

01:09:13--> 01:09:14

There's no food.

01:09:16--> 01:09:28

And then you discover at the end of the day that she moved a little thing and you didn't notice when you walked in. You shouldn't say Wow, you did it all by yourself.

01:09:30--> 01:09:33

But had to do to have to call the brothers from the masjid.

01:09:35--> 01:09:39

Seriously, so if the brothers doesn't know how to deal with wife,

01:09:41--> 01:09:48

he would be in trouble day and night. And every time you try to defend yourself, you're standing on quicksand.

01:09:49--> 01:09:54

You will be singing going down, down until you get drunk

01:09:57--> 01:09:58

now

01:10:01--> 01:10:07

You as brothers first, and this is what the fathers come in.

01:10:09--> 01:10:11

What is the father's come in the father

01:10:12--> 01:10:15

who have experienced, we can kindly ask the sisters to be quiet.

01:10:18--> 01:10:18

The fathers

01:10:19--> 01:10:21

should play the role model

01:10:22--> 01:10:27

displaying how to deal with a wife.

01:10:28--> 01:10:30

So you should give all the hands to his son.

01:10:31--> 01:10:46

And he says, Son, you're getting married. It's like you're going for jihad. You know, if you have no weapons, you get get killed. You know, what do you do? You do want to see for when your wife is upset, you do this and you get out of the house

01:10:47--> 01:10:49

is a technique in the US.

01:10:51--> 01:11:03

Wives should she should manifest display this. So the daughter would see what see when her husband approach and he's upset or his tire is not how to deal with it.

01:11:08--> 01:11:12

We will stop because we only have nine minutes, but we finished this nine minutes.

01:11:15--> 01:11:16

The other thing is

01:11:17--> 01:11:18

the parents

01:11:19--> 01:11:20

parents

01:11:22--> 01:11:24

have to prepare the children.

01:11:26--> 01:11:38

That Masha killed the problem that will come after marriage and the children should be able to talk to parents about this. Now we shall not because of the time limit, that brother asked me to

01:11:39--> 01:11:44

stop and inshallah we will stop here, but we will answer some of the questions inshallah.

01:11:47--> 01:11:48

The question is,

01:11:49--> 01:11:51

she say I'm a single mother with three children.

01:11:53--> 01:11:54

And the problem is,

01:11:56--> 01:12:02

is basically one of the daughters one of her daughters, because of the mother who was working, she went straight.

01:12:08--> 01:12:12

The sister wants to raise her children in Islamic environment. You know?

01:12:16--> 01:12:21

What I? You know, nutshell this question. Most of the people

01:12:23--> 01:12:24

they ask question,

01:12:25--> 01:12:26

when it's too late,

01:12:28--> 01:12:44

they come to the Imams, and they tell the Imams, all the problems. Expect expecting that the Imam would have a magic stick. And he will say Where is she? Where is she? And he will go to the little girl and burn and the hare Masha Allah, she's Isaiah with me, because

01:12:46--> 01:13:12

that will not happen. So what do you do? You have to raise your child islamically before she reached the age of puberty, before she was the age that she understand, oh, this is right, this is wrong. You have to raise them islamically before she understood something called the opposite gender, you have educator islamically but when it's too late, it is very difficult to control that however.

01:13:14--> 01:13:26

Never ever give up. And never ever lose hope in the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala because Allah subhana wa tada with a sincere that can return those individuals to Islam once again.

01:13:35--> 01:13:43

She says her parents and let their children listen to music of any time and his music in general Hara

01:13:46--> 01:13:50

music there's a difference between singing and music.

01:13:51--> 01:13:54

Music in general is haraam.

01:13:55--> 01:13:56

News, music,

01:13:57--> 01:13:59

all kinds of music

01:14:00--> 01:14:07

that we use the instrument you know, piano, guitar and bass all this is how long, how long, how long.

01:14:10--> 01:14:13

However, there's a machine Islamic in the sheet

01:14:14--> 01:14:26

that is permissible. So a person can listen to Islamic and issue. But the children should not listen to music. And I will tell you, especially this young children,

01:14:28--> 01:14:59

when you play music in your house, in reality, you are inviting inviting shapes onto your house, the inviting gene to your house. And that's why you see especially we treat the people who have gene. So every time you go back you will find that this person was committing a Masia. And one common thing that most of the people would we were committed. It was the Masia the sin of listen music when you play music. All the shout outs in our Welcome to your house is like someone calling a mohawk. What am I

01:15:00--> 01:15:17

What and you see all the Muslims coming to the masjid because they hear the sudden the event. Likewise, when you play music in your house, all the way up and around the area will come and listen to the music because the music is the shape of Anak shape or the sharing the recitation of the shape and

01:15:18--> 01:15:24

therefore, it is not permitted. But some brothers and sisters are very smart.

01:15:26--> 01:15:29

If the music is a western music is hard on

01:15:30--> 01:15:32

us Arabic music is hella

01:15:36--> 01:15:44

polite. And some others say, Oh, no, no, this is so many music was made, that we're not gonna we know this lady, you know, her music is

01:15:46--> 01:15:52

simple, because they know they know that person, her music is not hard on, that is not a reason. But all the music is had on

01:15:54--> 01:16:02

whatever other you'll have your data your dean had was about a year and a half of the day. The anomala agree. And Alicia,

01:16:04--> 01:16:20

Alicia, Ahmed, the goddess said, I also and people say there's some people some money, and the hedge is here, should I perform the hedge or should I paid or instead, I don't know, if I'm going to make sure next hedge

01:16:21--> 01:16:23

we see the nature of this thing.

01:16:25--> 01:16:43

If this thing is due right away, before the hedge or the time of touch, then you must pay, you must pay it. But if the head the day is not due, or is a monthly payment, and you can continue with that.

01:16:45--> 01:17:06

Or you have the ability to pay the debt monthly I'm going to hedge then you should go to hedge. Or you can ask the permission of that for the owner for the person who has who has the right of the date and sell. Would you allow me to pay it later? Or give me any partner? That is permissible?

01:17:07--> 01:17:23

If your parents don't have a lot of Islamic knowledge, how much do you have to obey them? Now this is a very tricky question. A lot of children dealing with the parents who don't know anything about Islam.

01:17:24--> 01:17:53

The child and this happened the state that inhabit and children have been so many times the child is telling them I have to get married. I don't want to commit a master. And the father says What do you mean, I didn't commit a Masia. I'm married when I finish my son, you also have to finish your school. They don't understand that if the person is afraid that he may commit a zener she may commit a Zina, it becomes a word you have upon that person to get married.

01:17:55--> 01:18:06

They must get married it is what part of it for the child to get married. And I asked you for another thing that I knew will be amazed at first it is for when I asked him this?

01:18:08--> 01:18:45

Well, if you can deal with your parents in a manner that we describe that it is very easy, easy for you or very easy for them to accept. Can you then you should teach them is to cheat you should teach them Islam. Allow them to learn step by step. You know, bring them up to the level of your understanding. Let them read about Islam. Don't say oh my god, they don't know anything. Therefore, I'm going to marry whoever I want on the little girl. She goes to the message. She said, My parents are ignorant. My father doesn't pray, therefore he or she has performed Anika

01:18:48--> 01:19:00

that is not how it should happen. He's trying to convince your parents talk to them and this way all the problems, talk to parents and inshallah you'll be able to handle it they will be able to understand your show.

01:19:06--> 01:19:08

How does one instead of respecting the parents

01:19:10--> 01:19:12

authority in a child?

01:19:14--> 01:19:15

sure that

01:19:24--> 01:19:59

no, but we say you have to love your child and care for your child. That love and caring also should not reach the level that they are spoiled. They have to learn understand the limit. And this is again, being husband is an art and being a parents also is an art by itself. Your child had to learn how to understand now I'm not teaching you know I'm playing with you know I'm not playing with you know I'm disciplined. You know, I'm a discipline. Now I am playing with you. He has to differentiate this and your child should know

01:20:00--> 01:20:00

Know

01:20:02--> 01:20:03

your child should know

01:20:04--> 01:20:25

if you do this if their parents islamically equipped and they know how to talk to the children and they themselves I slammed the educated voila here it is very simple how to control your child while your child is receiving all the love and affection that he or she needs and if Mussina please

01:20:32--> 01:20:37

some of the parents Someone is asking me if I can repeat the seven points that we mentioned earlier.

01:20:39--> 01:20:40

I don't know which seven points

01:20:46--> 01:20:55

Michelle probably is talking about the earlier lecture shallow I'll give it to you that if when you come across we only mentioned nine points here. So I'm going to go on tonight or work night shift

01:20:56--> 01:21:00

and my shift Institute am

01:21:01--> 01:21:02

in the morning

01:21:07--> 01:21:09

therefore I was wondering if I can pray

01:21:12--> 01:21:31

pm at this time, if pm Mondays anytime between setups in Asia and the break of the dawn so therefore you can pray anytime and just an hour before failure is when Allah subhanaw taala comes down to some a denier coming to say hi Muslim, so you can pray the Sharla

01:21:33--> 01:21:48

Zuckerman law and May Allah subhanaw taala reward you Melissa for all the time and I apologize if I said anything wrong. Please forgive me in May Allah subhana wa Tada. forgive your sins. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

01:21:54--> 01:22:08

We don't want to other parents admit the truth. This kids, they have problems. This kids 70% of the youth were called minors, or Muslims.

01:22:10--> 01:22:19

All of them ages according to their fathers, their parents, but it was a mistake and all of them 70% in May there are there by mistake.

01:22:20--> 01:22:23

Yeah, call me when they when you get the right figures.

01:22:24--> 01:22:31

Also, some of the parents, they see, these can smell that the sun has been smoking.

01:22:32--> 01:22:33

Or

01:22:34--> 01:22:37

he can smell that he's been drinking

01:22:38--> 01:22:46

and say, Oh, can you let us pray? The boy is Hi, what are you gonna call it for someone for you? Let us pray. And it's like,

01:22:54--> 01:23:13

the parents, they don't want to admit that they had a son or it's solely praying. Next thing is in a different world. And one of the fathers like, other hours, my son was praying with me. And he was like, do you finish that? You know, when you finish your prayer is praying with him? And he said, Are you finished? You know?

01:23:15--> 01:23:22

And then when he finished the Salah, and he's keeping Salam Alikum Santa Monica, Santa Monica, Santa Monica.

01:23:30--> 01:23:31

I said to the brother.

01:23:33--> 01:23:43

Well, what do you think is wrong with your son? Oh, probably he stayed late, you know, he was up for a very long time. And it was very tired.

01:23:44--> 01:24:04

He was tired. Mashallah. hungry. And he said, Sir, Mr. Obama, four times the sleep? Yes. And did he smell? Oh, yeah, he smell a little bit the problem he was writing with someone else. His son is perfect. He doesn't want to admit that his son is during his drinking or is dealing with drugs.

01:24:05--> 01:24:12

And until we come to the conclusion, and we wrap that son, and we say you're doing something wrong, we will not solve the problem.

01:24:13--> 01:24:15

Also, if What if you learn

01:24:16--> 01:24:18

the problem that happens at school?

01:24:20--> 01:24:24

We don't like talking about I mean, your daughter or your son

01:24:26--> 01:24:33

is going to school where every other boy, other girl has a boyfriend a girlfriend

01:24:35--> 01:24:55

and you want to say you know what do you do boy is strong, you know, girl Mashallah the sisters what they do, some of them I know that. They know this. They know some sisters, they come home, they leave the home with the job and they come home with the job. But in between miniskirts Mashallah, you know

01:24:58--> 01:24:59

it's true

01:25:00--> 01:25:32

When she goes to school, blah, blah, come on, you know, the job is gone when she leaves the school, the hedge advisor Mashallah, Mashallah. she behaves like a little angel, and she has a little book, Mashallah, every time she's leaving the house, as is, and what are you reading? online? They're off leaving the house and coming back to the house. Yeah, right. You know, you probably have a phone or between the hotlines, you know, that's, that's what you have, you know, this is jagged this is, you know, SubhanAllah.

01:25:34--> 01:25:39

So, we have to learn how to deal with that problem as a parent, go to school.

01:25:40--> 01:25:41

Drop in once a while.

01:25:42--> 01:25:51

When you go to school, you don't also you know, embarrass your child. Even if you see him or her doing some something wrong.

01:25:53--> 01:26:00

Even if you see brothers yet your son is leaning on the wall, talking, you know, sweet talking to little girls.

01:26:01--> 01:26:11

You don't get him a sugar finger out there. No, save the sugar finger until you come home. You know, save that. And you tell him but what are you doing, son? I'm giving her down.

01:26:16--> 01:26:25

And the father come is always like, you know, my son just ate. There was Mashallah. He goes and he gives that everywhere, even to the girls.

01:26:27--> 01:26:34

And I was like, and how does she looked like? She was a skinny? Nice, you know, what

01:26:35--> 01:26:41

is it? I said, Call me when you soon as giving a guy with a 250 pounds girl, you know, then call me.

01:26:42--> 01:26:51

When you see your son's getting down cities or be sister getting in there. I'm actually sending a body and Muslim call me now is giving down.

01:26:53--> 01:27:12

But they are so particular. And they know ally these guys they know they're very, they're very needy. Allah has given them that ability. They know which sister perhaps or prefer Islam. The beautiful ones, of course, you know, no scissors no beautiful. She's not for Islam.

01:27:14--> 01:27:15

When you see that? You don't

01:27:18--> 01:27:18

know.

01:27:20--> 01:27:27

But you talk, how are you? hamdulillah? How's the school? He's gonna panic, she's gonna panic yet.

01:27:28--> 01:27:32

Some of the sisters, they take this nursing home, they went to public school.

01:27:33--> 01:27:50

And then she started a job. Mashallah, no, no, no, nothing. She's wearing shorts. What does she do? Nakama. Here, the shoes are working. And then she's chasing her little girl in the school with the shoot car. Oh, my God.

01:27:56--> 01:27:57

Would that help? No.

01:27:59--> 01:28:02

That would not have, you know, please

01:28:04--> 01:28:06

deal with the situation when you go home.

01:28:07--> 01:28:15

Talk to them. So why did you do this, the reason she did is because you're not listening. So they have to learn how to listen.

01:28:18--> 01:28:41

Also, we have to acknowledge that when the kids are involved in a dangerous stuff, such as being part of a gang, or they steal, or things like this, you know, you just maybe you know, you can handle the situation by yourself. So don't say I don't want to expose my sense. But go out, seek for help. Go out and look, maybe some people can help you.

01:28:43--> 01:28:57

You know, go to your advisors, stick with the school counselor, see what they see with someone your son or your daughter can listen to, and then that you can solve the problem without exposing this.

01:28:59--> 01:29:06

Also, inshallah I know the time is very short, and I have a lot to finish. But I have to do this quick.

01:29:07--> 01:29:08

The good things

01:29:11--> 01:29:11

that

01:29:12--> 01:29:14

the young people most of the time,

01:29:15--> 01:29:20

especially those beautiful kids, brothers and sisters, you know, youth like yourself,

01:29:21--> 01:29:26

come to me or come to the man's on to talk about as the issue of marriage.

01:29:28--> 01:29:37

I mean, it is unfair, unfair for the parents to say to the children finishing school first.

01:29:40--> 01:29:41

You can say that to your child.

01:29:43--> 01:29:57

I mean, if you have a place of your child's attending school, that the two genders are completely separated. Boy, don't see girls and girls don't see boys. I can tell you Okay.

01:29:59--> 01:29:59

Let us try

01:30:01--> 01:30:16

When you see your son, he sits in his class and the person who's sitting soprano law, she's almost naked. And he turns to stop for the law. This side, she's almost naked. This side, he's almost naked. What do you want him to do? Look at the ceiling in

01:30:17--> 01:30:19

so innocent the class No,

01:30:20--> 01:30:29

it can't be focusing on the ceiling. So, if you want your child to do you know your child, your daughter, your son, they reach that level Bismillah

01:30:30--> 01:30:46

babyz Cha, grab another son or not another child from your friend, the minister said, Listen, let us rock this up. There is Mary that allowed myself to marry your daughter, or our son, my daughter, my daughter to marry your son. And let us talk about let us organize, let us have a system to follow.

01:30:48--> 01:31:17

And of course, you have to follow and do the right things. The right etiquette. It's not like you're getting away from an office. It's not like this. You're not getting away from Safeway, you work. So you go through public channels. And you say, this is what I need to do. And imagine the father of the parents. Having one more person in your household? How much that would cost you? Extra $50 a month, extra $100 for the safety of your child.

01:31:19--> 01:31:32

I mean, it's unfair. unfair, one of the shippers say, yes, he said, he can't leave meat. He cannot leave meat in from the cat. And then blame the cat because he ate the meat.

01:31:33--> 01:31:42

You can or you can use that cat, you ate that meat? You know, that wasn't for you. You know? You can. So what do you do?

01:31:44--> 01:31:51

We live in a society that there's a lot of problems, how to solve it. Get the kids, get them married,

01:31:53--> 01:31:54

get them married.

01:31:56--> 01:32:06

And that is the most difficult thing for a son or special for daughters to come up to the mother to the Father and say I'm ready for marriage.

01:32:07--> 01:32:10

And the mother mothers see a lot on your daughters.

01:32:12--> 01:32:15

Raise them like a righteous wives.

01:32:16--> 01:32:20

Raise them, raise them as a responsible wife.

01:32:22--> 01:32:36

You don't want to raise out for you don't want to when your sister when your daughter is 1718 she's ready for marriage. She said I'm ready for marriage. What do you have? Do you know how to make tea? No tea was available.

01:32:38--> 01:32:39

I'll get you sip tea.

01:32:41--> 01:32:42

Do you know how to cook

01:32:44--> 01:32:44

pizza?

01:32:48--> 01:32:53

You did not marry another brother. You know, you marry a wife. Right?

01:32:54--> 01:33:07

You if you were looking for a roommate, he will say Yeah, come on, let us live together in a movie, but you want a wife. So what do you do a sister have to know what to do?

01:33:09--> 01:33:14

What to do? She has to know what to do. She has to know how to prepare a meal.

01:33:15--> 01:33:31

Well, I the brother comes to my mustard and his eyes are red. I said, What happened? You have a fight with your wife? And he say No, she's not that strong. I say what is the problem? That is your brother. She cooks. So she said when she cooks

01:33:33--> 01:33:34

for three days in the hospital.

01:33:44--> 01:33:56

I said what do you need? She cooks? She cooks your food right? He said brother Don't ask me She just cooks. And if I don't eat I get in trouble. And if I eat out for three days

01:33:58--> 01:34:02

and so what does she cook it today? Is it I couldn't taste anything It was so hot.

01:34:08--> 01:34:26

The sisters miserably except a few of them are failing to the righteous wife. And this is maybe what are some of the speakers have spoken about but you have to cover that you have the mothers have to teach the children how to be a mother how to be a wife.

01:34:27--> 01:34:30

Some of the mothers like no no no do your school

01:34:31--> 01:34:43

under the brothers like brother I did not marry book American wife. I can't find anything. She knows everything about computers. She knows everything about internet she not match you know science, but she doesn't know how to make sandwich.

01:34:48--> 01:34:53

And the brothers Oh my god. Brothers boy and boy.

01:34:54--> 01:34:57

Okay brothers. When you say you want to get married

01:34:59--> 01:34:59

you should first

01:35:02--> 01:35:03

Stand in front of the mirror.

01:35:05--> 01:35:06

Reading.

01:35:07--> 01:35:09

If you see a goat in the mirror,

01:35:16--> 01:35:17

you know, read

01:35:20--> 01:35:27

if you see a goat right there chewing something, if you're not ready for bread,

01:35:28--> 01:35:34

but if you see a man who was responsible, then you come to the left. You're ready.

01:35:37--> 01:35:46

Well lies some of the brothers. They have no sense of responsibility. None.

01:35:48--> 01:35:49

Say Yo, what's up, yo.

01:35:52--> 01:35:53

Yo, is

01:35:54--> 01:36:03

I say, what's up? He said, Well, I found this sister. She was so fine, man. The leaves were on the floor.

01:36:06--> 01:36:12

I said What happened? hurricane? You know that? What happened to the ball? She was so fine.

01:36:14--> 01:36:15

She was hot.

01:36:17--> 01:36:22

I said I don't care whether she's hot or cold. She's a decent sister.

01:36:24--> 01:36:27

So she's Mel. Nice.

01:36:29--> 01:36:32

I said, Brother, what are you looking for? A wife

01:36:35--> 01:36:40

or someone that smells nice. Only? Everything, everything. Everything.

01:36:43--> 01:36:46

I said, Okay, tell me the quality of a wife that you're looking for.

01:36:49--> 01:36:56

What's wrong? Would you lips guys? Why do you have to lick your lips? 24. Seven. I can understand without licking your lips.

01:36:57--> 01:37:01

You're not what is the guy? Who LL Cool J.

01:37:03--> 01:37:07

Crew j Rosina, you know, you know, just relax and talk to me. You know?

01:37:09--> 01:37:17

what life is like, maybe next time, he's gonna choose lips. And then the brother, we have to take him to 911. Now to take him to the emergency.

01:37:19--> 01:37:20

Step

01:37:43--> 01:37:44

I give you an essay.

01:37:45--> 01:37:47

Don't ever be an email.

01:37:48--> 01:37:52

If you become an email, you will resist things that you never imagined.

01:37:53--> 01:37:57

I said, I said, Brother, what do you want?

01:38:05--> 01:38:06

So what is that?

01:38:08--> 01:38:09

36

01:38:11--> 01:38:12

is like what? What?

01:38:15--> 01:38:19

Is that the beginning of her phone number on there? What are you giving me any secret?

01:38:21--> 01:38:24

as like, what is that? He said you don't know?

01:38:25--> 01:38:27

And I said, Well, I don't know. Yeah.

01:38:28--> 01:38:40

Those four digits, those six digits total? I don't know, what are the numbers that have a seven digits? You know, what is his phone number area code? What is it? You know, zip code talk to me about

01:38:42--> 01:38:50

is like now that is the size of the system. So you want me to go and say so we have a brother for you. Wait a second, let me measure you first.

01:38:52--> 01:38:53

What do you want me to do?

01:38:56--> 01:38:59

What do you want me to do? belay?

01:39:02--> 01:39:10

He's not asking about Haiti. He's not asking where she's from. The mother's concerned about numbers. You know, I said, Brother.

01:39:13--> 01:39:27

That's your homework. You know, you do that at home. You shot after the kneecap. You know, you do that at home? You know, you don't tell me the numbers. But I don't want to know. Now you got to be responsible. Brothers.

01:39:29--> 01:39:33

Number one, if I'm a father and I am a father.

01:39:35--> 01:39:43

I want to know this boy is coming to come to my house and propose to my daughter. Is he a responsible person?

01:39:45--> 01:39:45

It is not

01:39:48--> 01:39:49

some other brothers.

01:39:51--> 01:39:59

They far far away from responsibility. I think the only responsibility that this kid has

01:40:00--> 01:40:10

keeping his pants off, you know, you know those parents that, you know, after the, you know, and everyone who is holding them up. I say,

01:40:11--> 01:40:14

Are you wearing a pair of pants?

01:40:16--> 01:40:22

There is a female just, you know, you all see women calling them like this, you know,

01:40:24--> 01:40:29

if you were in the dinner, I cannot marry my daughter. Yeah. You know, what are you doing?

01:40:30--> 01:40:45

That's the owner responsibility. He has no jobs. How are you going to feed your wife? He said no. Oh my god. Chef, you did not ask that question. Oh, my God. I had more respect for you. Yes, chef. Allah will bring.

01:40:48--> 01:40:57

I said, Do you see that road? Yeah, sit right there along will bring away for you know, Wait right there. Don't move.

01:40:58--> 01:41:00

A wife will come to you.

01:41:01--> 01:41:05

That is not how it happens. And if you won't, why?

01:41:06--> 01:41:14

You have to be able to support her. If you don't have a supporting understanding parents. You don't have to take the responsibility.

01:41:18--> 01:41:19

Other brother right here in Toronto

01:41:20--> 01:41:21

is a chef.

01:41:22--> 01:41:35

I found a sister. I say find the sister. She was lost. You know? What do you mean? She No, no, no chef upon the scissor. Honestly. We're, you know, she's a she's in the shelter.

01:41:36--> 01:41:45

As I said a lot of work. But you know, in my mind, I'm thinking the brother is good. He has a job. He's gonna save the sister as they are. What do you need? He said, I live right next to her.

01:41:51--> 01:41:53

So both of you are living in a shelter.

01:41:55--> 01:41:56

Yeah.

01:41:59--> 01:42:09

You live in a shelter. You want to get married? Yes. You have no house? home? No. You have no job? No. You have nothing. No, I don't

01:42:12--> 01:42:14

lie Alec. What What do you do?

01:42:16--> 01:42:18

Well, in America, the case was different.

01:42:19--> 01:42:22

In America, especially African American,

01:42:23--> 01:42:28

they were rough and men and if such person comes to me, I will just say

01:42:30--> 01:42:36

and they will take that kid for a walk. He has no walks. Have you ever taken a walk?

01:42:37--> 01:42:44

No, that walk Let me introduce walk to you both walk is when someone takes you for a walk.

01:42:45--> 01:42:47

And only one of you comes back.

01:42:50--> 01:42:53

One of you comes back and most likely you won't be here.

01:42:56--> 01:42:57

They won't be you.

01:42:58--> 01:43:23

So, they will take them for a walk. And they will shift their faces bit little bit not too much. And they will bring them back. They will drag them back. You know, but here you have to deal with what minimum that you have, which is from the left. But since this situation I can marry the system. Be responsible for sort of my son in law it was so so yeah, Masha Shabaab, oh, young people.

01:43:25--> 01:43:39

Minister bah, bah, bah What? He said if you as you keep it with your cable and you are able to marry do so. I mean, you can handle wife sisters are funny.

01:43:40--> 01:43:41

I'm very funny.

01:43:42--> 01:43:46

And I'm not saying laughing funny. No, they are funny.

01:43:48--> 01:43:52

I'm serious. You know, if you don't not, listen, marital acts.

01:43:53--> 01:44:00

Marriage is an act. If you don't know how to deal with wife. You're going to be weightless.

01:44:02--> 01:44:10

What happens is this. You come out of the house. Everything is sweet and beautiful. And you come back to the house. Oh, my gosh, she's upset.

01:44:11--> 01:44:13

What did you do? You don't know.

01:44:16--> 01:44:18

You don't know yet.

01:44:20--> 01:44:22

asking what's wrong is another mistake.

01:44:25--> 01:44:26

So what do you do?

01:44:27--> 01:44:29

You have to think smart.

01:44:31--> 01:44:33

And men are not smart.

01:44:35--> 01:44:38

When it comes to these things, we are not smart.

01:44:40--> 01:44:46

I can say that. We not smart. You come home and you look around

01:44:48--> 01:44:59

and you're thinking What did I do wrong? You know what? She was fine. She was sweet. She everything was so when I left for Salah I came back things are not the same. What did I do wrong?

01:45:00--> 01:45:28

You think, can't come up with anything? Which is another mistake. You know, you have to come up with, you have to blame yourself as I'm sorry, Allah, I didn't mean to do. You don't know what you did. But you have to apologize first, you know, put that on the table first. I'm really sure it won't lie. That was a mistake. What do they do? You know, what do they do? You know, you don't know. But submit first, you submit.

01:45:30--> 01:45:32

And then she looks up.

01:45:34--> 01:45:36

And you know, there's no dinner that night, if she looks up,

01:45:37--> 01:45:41

let us call pizza, a feeling, there's no food.

01:45:42--> 01:45:56

And then you discover at the end of the day, that she moved a little thing. And you didn't notice when you walked in, you shouldn't say Wow, you did it all by yourself. Who

01:45:57--> 01:45:59

if I had to do to have to call the brothers from the masjid.

01:46:02--> 01:46:06

Seriously, so if the brothers doesn't know how to deal with wife,

01:46:07--> 01:46:14

he would be in trouble day and night. And every time you try to defend yourself, you're standing on quicksand,

01:46:16--> 01:46:20

you will be sinking going down, down until you get drunk.

01:46:24--> 01:46:24

Now

01:46:28--> 01:46:33

you as of others first, and this is what the fathers come in.

01:46:35--> 01:46:38

What is the fathers come in the father

01:46:39--> 01:46:42

who have experienced we can kindly ask the sisters to be quiet.

01:46:44--> 01:46:45

The fathers

01:46:46--> 01:46:48

should play the role model

01:46:49--> 01:46:53

this playing how to deal with a wife.

01:46:54--> 01:46:56

So you should give all the hands to his son.

01:46:58--> 01:47:12

And he says son, you're getting married. It's like you're going for jihad. You know, if you have no weapons, you get get killed. You know, what do you do? You do want to see for when your wife is upset, you do this and you get out of the house

01:47:14--> 01:47:16

is a technique in the US.

01:47:18--> 01:47:30

Wives should teach should manifest display this. So the daughter would say what see when her husband approach and he's upset or his tire is not how to deal with

01:47:31--> 01:47:32

pain.

01:47:35--> 01:47:39

We will stop because we only have nine minutes. But we finished this nine minutes.

01:47:41--> 01:47:42

The other thing is

01:47:44--> 01:47:45

the parents

01:47:46--> 01:47:46

parents

01:47:48--> 01:47:50

have to prepare the children.

01:47:52--> 01:48:04

The Musha kill the problem that will come after marriage. And the children should be able to talk to parents about this. Now we shall not because of the time limit. That brother asked me to

01:48:06--> 01:48:11

stop and inshallah we would have stopped here. But we will answer some of the questions in Sharla.

01:48:13--> 01:48:14

The question is,

01:48:15--> 01:48:18

she say I'm a single mother with three children.

01:48:19--> 01:48:21

And the problem is,

01:48:23--> 01:48:29

is basically one of the daughters one of her daughters, because of the mother who was working. She wants to stray.

01:48:35--> 01:48:39

And the sister wants to raise your children in Islamic environment. You know

01:48:42--> 01:48:48

what I? You know, nutshell this question. Most of the people

01:48:49--> 01:48:53

they ask question, when it's too late,

01:48:54--> 01:49:11

they came to the Imams and they tell the Imams all the problems expect expecting that the Imam would have a magic stick. And he was saying Where is she? Where is she? And he will go to the little girl and burn and the hare Mashallah. She's Islamophobia because

01:49:13--> 01:49:39

that will not happen. So what do you do? You have to raise your child islamically before she reached the age of puberty, before she was the age that she understand, oh, this is right, this is wrong. You have to raise them islamically before she understood something called the opposite gender, you have educator islamically but when it's too late, it is very difficult to control that however.

01:49:41--> 01:49:53

Never ever give up. And never ever lose hope in the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala because Allah subhana wa tada with a sincere count returned those individuals to Islam once again.

01:50:02--> 01:50:09

She says should a principal of their children listen to music of any time and his music in general Hara

01:50:13--> 01:50:16

music there's a difference between singing and music.

01:50:17--> 01:50:20

Music in general is haraam

01:50:22--> 01:50:22

music,

01:50:24--> 01:50:25

all kinds of music

01:50:26--> 01:50:34

that you use to instrument you know, piano, guitar and bass. All this is how long, how long, how long.

01:50:36--> 01:50:39

However, there's a machine Islamic machine

01:50:41--> 01:50:53

that is permissible. So a person can listen to Islamic and issue, but the children should not listen to music. And I will tell you, especially this young children,

01:50:54--> 01:51:37

when you play music in your house, in reality, you are inviting inviting shapes onto your house, the inviting gene to your house. And that's why you see, especially we treat the people who have gin. So every time you go back, you will find that this person was committing a mafia. And one common thing that most of the people would we were committing it was the Masia the sin of listen music, when you play music, all the shout outs in our Welcome to your house is like someone calling a mohawk. What am I what what and you see all the Muslims coming to the masjid because they heard the sun the event. Likewise, when you play music in your house, all the way up and around the area will come and

01:51:37--> 01:51:44

listen to the music because the music is the shape of onyx shape or the sharing the rotation or the shape and

01:51:45--> 01:51:51

therefore it is not permitted. But some brothers and sisters are very smart.

01:51:52--> 01:51:56

If the music is a western music is hard on

01:51:57--> 01:51:59

us Arabic music is hella

01:52:02--> 01:52:11

polite. And some of the say, Oh no, no, this is so many music was not we're not gonna we know this lady. You know, her music is much

01:52:12--> 01:52:19

simpler because they know they know that person or music is not hard on that is not a reason. But all the music is hard on

01:52:20--> 01:52:29

whatever other you have, you wanna you have a job and a year and a half of the day. The unknown hula Aditi and Alicia,

01:52:31--> 01:52:46

Alicia harden Ahmed, the goddess said, I also know people say there's some people, some men and the head is here, should I perform the Hajj or should I paid or he said, I don't know, if I'm going to make sure next hedge

01:52:47--> 01:52:50

we see the nature of this thing.

01:52:51--> 01:53:10

If this thing is due right away, before the hedge or the time of touch, then you must pay, you must pay it. But if the head the day is not due, or is a monthly payment, and you can continue with that.

01:53:11--> 01:53:32

Or you have the ability to pay the debt monthly and go to HUD, then you should go to HUD. Or you can ask the permission of that for the owner, the person who has who has the right of the date and Sal, would you allow me to pay it later? Or give me any partner? That is permissible?

01:53:34--> 01:53:49

If your parents don't have a lot of Islamic knowledge, how much do you have to obey them? Now this is a very tricky question. A lot of children dealing with the parents who don't know anything about Islam.

01:53:51--> 01:54:20

The child and this happened the state that inhabit and children happen so many times. The child is telling them I have to get married. I don't want to commit a master. And the father says What do you mean, I didn't commit a Masia. I'm married when I finish my son, you also have to finish your school. They don't understand that if the person is afraid that he may commit a Zina she may commit a Zina. It becomes a word you have upon that person to get married.

01:54:21--> 01:54:32

They must get married it is what part of it for the child to get married. And I asked him if I'm not an Athenian at that, and you will be amazed at first it is possible one I asked him this.

01:54:34--> 01:54:59

Well, if you can deal with your parents in a manner that we describe that it is very easy, easy for you or very easy for them to accept. Can you then you should teach them is to teach them Islam. Allow them to learn step by step. You know, bring them up to the level of your understanding. Let them read about this.

01:55:00--> 01:55:12

them don't say oh my god they don't know anything. Therefore, I'm going to marry whoever I want on the little girl she goes to the message she said, My parents are ignorant my father doesn't pray therefore he or she has performed Anika

01:55:15--> 01:55:27

that is not how it should happen. He's trying to convince your parents talk to them and this will all the problems talk to parents and inshallah you'll be able to handle that they would be able to understand your show

01:55:32--> 01:55:35

how does one instead of respecting the parents

01:55:36--> 01:55:38

authority in a child

01:55:40--> 01:55:42

but sure that

01:55:50--> 01:56:26

no but we say you have to love your child and care for your child that love and caring also should not reach the level that they are spoiled. They have to learn understand the limit. And this is again being husband is an art and being a parents also is an art by itself. Your child had to learn how to understand now I'm not teaching you now I'm playing with you know I'm gonna play with you know I'm disciplined you know I'm gonna discipline now I am playing with you he has to depreciate this and your child should know

01:56:28--> 01:56:29

your child should know

01:56:31--> 01:56:52

if you do this if the parents islamically is equipped and they know how to talk to the children and they themselves I slammed the educated voila here it is very simple how to control your child while your child is receiving all the love and affection that he or she needs and if Mussina please

01:56:59--> 01:57:04

some of the parents Someone is asking me if I can repeat the seven points that we mentioned earlier

01:57:05--> 01:57:07

I don't know which seven points

01:57:13--> 01:57:22

shall probably is talking about the earlier lecture shall I'll give it to you that if when you come across we only mentioned nine points here. So I'm going to go on to light I work night shift

01:57:23--> 01:57:26

and my shift Institute am

01:57:28--> 01:57:29

in the morning

01:57:33--> 01:57:35

therefore I was wondering if I can pray

01:57:38--> 01:57:57

pm again at this time if they are Mondays anytime between set out in Asia and the break of the done so therefore you can pray anytime and just an hour before failure is when Allah subhanaw taala comes down to some a denier coming to say hi Muslim, so you can pray the Sharla

01:57:59--> 01:58:02

Zuckerman law and May Allah subhanaw taala reward you

01:58:04--> 01:58:15

for all the time and I apologize if I said anything wrong. Please forgive me in May Allah subhana wa Tada. forgive your sins. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.