Dealing with the Stubborn and the Uncompromising
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 27.97MB
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Allah homage anomala Latina Amina Mohammed also it had what was who will help you what also was something I mean, you know, but I mean, one of the things that Allah has done for us in the Quran is describe very extreme situations, and how the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam was given advice and guidance from Allah on how to deal with those extreme situations. And by giving us guidance for that, you might find that you don't have to face that extreme of a situation in your life. And I don't have to face that extreme of a situation in my life. But the point is, if this advice was good enough for such an extreme circumstance, then it can certainly be used for any lesser degree of
intensity, it can apply to your situation in mind, just as well, because if it was good enough to solve a much tougher problem, think of it this way, if it was good enough to solve a much tougher problem, and my problem is a lot easier than that other much tougher problem that he had to deal with Salalah audio system. And this is an important way of thinking about what the Quran is talking about and how it's applicable. Because if you don't think of it this way, then it can create a lot of problems in the way you and I understand our religion, and the way we see the world around us. For example, if you say to yourself, the Quran, whatever it says applies universally, the way it
applied on the Prophet session is the same way it applies on us, or the way Allah was talking to the Sahaba is the way that he expects it to be applied on our situation. The problem with that is, you and I both know that the kinds of sacrifices that the companions of the Prophet sites that I made are greater than any sacrifice You and I are ever going to make. They are called the submucosa boon for a reason, right? And the converse of that also has to be taken into consideration. What does that mean? That means there were people alive in the time of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, you and I are listening to the Quran. They were hearing the Quran from the prophets own voice. They
weren't we were in front of him, and they still disbelieved in him. They didn't just disbelieve in him and make fun of him. Some of them even attempted to kill him, and actually wished for him to be dead. There were others who believed in him while having met him, spend time with him praying behind him, that were actually conspiring against him. Right. So I'm talking about the co founder of Makkah, I'm talking about them when after calling the hypocrites of Medina, the disbelievers and the mistreatment of makanda arrogant leadership, they were so arrogant, some of them that the Quran would compare them to fit our own, you know, orchard or to our own or, you know, other archetypes in
history, some pretty bad people. So what the point I was getting at was, if the good people of that time, the Sahaba are way better than we're ever going to be. You understand. You also have to understand that nobody will come close. Now, in spiritually speaking, nobody can even come close to committing the kind of crime that someone who lived in the time of the prophet SAW them and was being stubborn with the prophet or as
So someone was being arrogant with those types. And I'm after seeing the Quran coming down after hearing it in its original revelation, and rejecting it that way, that is a level of arrogance, there will be people that are arrogant afterwards. But that's a level of arrogance that's unparalleled, you understand. So they're better, they're good people are way better than us in a sense, and repack, people are way worse than us, you have to understand that part of it to the hypocrites at the time of the Prophet slicin, I'm, we're living with him, they were praying with him, and were conspiring to get him killed. And we're hoping that he would die in battle. And we're
trying to undermine him in any which way. Right? Now, there will be hypocrites after, but they're not going to ever be at the level where they're going to be able to even have the chance to commit such a crime, you understand? So because of that reason, when you and I read, for example, something Allah says about the hypocrites in the Quran,
we shouldn't immediately think, well, this is the way it applied in its original context, and how the who this was meant by I know some people, this applies to them, too. And you jump, and you the same way, you wouldn't say, Well, this is a praise of those who were following the prophets. I said, Oh, the Sahaba, who made the sacrifices, this must apply to me also, no, actually, the more sophisticated and the more correct way to think about this, is that when Allah is speaking about the believers who have done good things, who have struggled, who have migrated, then they are our inspiration. And we are going to reflect something from that guidance. Not all of it, something from
it, some of it applies to us. And we have hopes of being rewarded in some way, the way they've been rewarded, even though the opportunity for goodness that they had can never be repeated again, because they were literally side by side with a loss. Right? The same way, people that have done bad people that have messed up, and the way it was speaking about them, like Allah is very angry with the Quran. And he's he's, you know, promising their nation to be destroyed. If they don't change their ways. Allah is promising them Hellfire, all this serious stuff is being talked about in the Quran. And we immediately jumped the gun and say, Well, this is talking to the courage, but by
extension, this is talking to every non Muslim, from that time on, that is a huge jump that we were not justified to make, that we you know, so you can't expose or export the anger of a lion, certain IOD and then apply that to all people in all circumstances, as a huge jump that we tend to make, are there some people that I might apply to? Sure, sure. But when we become too quick to judge, and the IRS I want to talk to you about today actually have to do with a certain problem that the prophets I seldom had to deal with. And the way Allah gave him guidance on how to deal with it. And so we're gonna hear that, but I don't want you to think once you hear it well, this is because specifically,
if I'm going to just, you know, solve the mystery ahead of time and let you know what I'm going to talk about, I'm going to talk about stubborn people, I'm going to talk about people that are stubborn, that are hard to deal with people that are not compromising, you're trying to reason with them, you're trying to talk to them, you're trying to help them understand and they just, they won't have it didn't want to hear anything you have to say. In fact, they get even more stubborn, and dig their heels in even more and get even more rigid in their point of view, if you try to reason with them. So instead of, you know, de escalating, they escalate further, right? I mean, it makes things
even worse. And the you know, everybody in life has people that they've may have dealt with or are still dealing with, I don't want you to look at them or point to them right now. But you're dealing with them. And you have to you find yourself at odds, like I tend to be a pretty good communicator, I'm able to get my message across. But for some reason with this person, I'm never able to get my point across. And even when I try to make things better, they only get worse. This person only makes things worse, they get even more stubborn. Well, the prophets I saw them was dealing with the most stubborn people, like the greatest messenger was given the toughest crowd, you understand, like
because he's the greatest of all messenger sallallahu reducido, the kuffaar he had to deal with, or some of the most rigid, tough kofod ever in history. They may not have had the power of the Pharaoh, but they had the arrogance of him to they still have the arrogance of him, right? And he has to deal with them. And now he's he's giving them Quran for well over a decade, two thirds of the Quran is coming to the Quraysh of Makkah. And the more Quran that should have been heard in their language in ways that was loving towards them and giving them counsel and warning them over time that should have soft in their hearts. If they started out against it, it should have no the rigidity should
have chipped you should have chipped away at it right? But instead what do you find you find they're getting more aggressive against the profits lesson, and then more aggressive and the more aggressive and the more aggressive. They're not getting better. With the coming of more Quran, they're getting worse. They're actually getting worse. And this is a scenario which
Installation then has to deal with you know, it's it's one thing that you're talking to somebody stubborn, they don't want to hear what you have to say. So you know what you say you and I say, you know what, I don't think I have to deal with this person, they're impossible to talk to, I'm just gonna walk away. I there's no point, there's no point communicating with a person like that, in fact, every time I talk to them, they are worse than the time before. And then you talk to them again, and then worst of the time two times before then. So this isn't going anywhere. This is totally headed in the wrong direction, I need to just get away. But what is also said, I'm told on
the one hand, under johannine, ignore those who get you know, obnoxious and arrogant and ignorant with you, etc. But at the same time, he's not being given permission to just walk away from that nation, still invite them still recite to them still listen to what they have to say. And some of the most arrogant things they said, some of the most obnoxious, wild, outrageous blasphemous things that they said Allah recorded it in the Quran by saying workato and they said and then he would quote the horrible things they said the arrogant things they said, you know, and then the Lord will say they'll respond to them and Allah knows better than you and I that those people who are saying
these things even the response is not going to help them tell not going to listen to that response. But I still capturing them them talking, recording it and then giving the profits I said I'm a response. So this deserves some thought you have to think about what is what is the situation that the Prophet session actually has to deal with. And one place that I find a lot of inspiration to, to address this to find counseling, it is actually sorted out it's one of the longest Meccans rulers of the Quran, right? So this one has revealed in the in the Macan era of the prophets items career in that time, so to an answer to laughs These are some of the longest sutras that were revealed that
were mucking, right? This is sort of number seven, and part of it towards the end in our Li Allahu levinas Al Kitab. Well, who are yet Allah Saudi hain? Certainly my to the Prophet session is being commanded to say that certainly my protective friend is Allah.
And he's the one who sent the book down, and he will be the one to protect good people, he will be the one the one to befriend good people. And this statement has a what's called a canine in it. Now, let me tell you what a canine is. in simple language. If I said it's dark in here, if I just said it's dark in here, then I'm not just saying it's dark in here. I'm trying to tell you, could you please turn the lights on? Right? But I didn't say turn the lights on. What did I say instead? It's dark in here, right? Or if a father is sitting at the dinner table, he saying, I'm thirsty. I'm pretty thirsty. He's not telling his son information that the son says, Oh, that's interesting, must
have been a long day for you know, he's telling his son go get up and get me a glass of water. But he doesn't have to spell that out. What does he have to say, I'm thirsty. So this is called kin. If you give a hint, you're not so explicit. Right? You say something that's factual, but a person who hears it, they understand that something else is being said through it. So when this I the profit slice that I was being given revelation to say, my protective friend is Allah. It's actually a canine indirect way of telling the disbelievers I am not intimidated by you. I don't you if you think I'm alone, and because I'm alone, I'm an easy target. You're wrong about that. And I if you
want to dismiss what I'm saying to you, because you don't find any value in it, you make fun of it. Every time I open my mouth, about Allah, about the Quran, you you insult me and call me insane. you poke fun at these, if you do all of this insulting, dismissive stuff, that doesn't take away from the fact that Allah is the one who sent it down. I will not see it as any less because my appreciation of the Quran and what was given to me, that doesn't depend on your reaction to it. And this is an important lesson right now, this is an important important lesson dealing with stubborn people. Because stubborn people, you know what they try to if they want to stay on their position,
one of the ways to be stuck on your position is to make the other person feel like their position is stupid. Their position is worthless, their position isn't worthy of listening. And when you hear that from somebody else, you start questioning whether or not you actually have something valid to say. And you know what, if you're not strong in your beliefs, you know what's going to happen, you will crumble, and eventually, even if you're right, you're going to go back to the stubborn person and say, I'm sorry, I offended you. Right? You're You didn't say anything wrong. But they have such a such a strong psychological game, that they look so offended and so upset, and they're so rigid.
Their conviction in the wrong is enough for you to be shaken and say, Hey, I'm sorry. I said that, even though you were the one who was saying something, right? Right. They can do that to you. That's a really powerful technique that's used. It's using media that's used by you know, political personalities. It's used in debate forums. It's used in family life all the time. Some people are really good at it. Really good at they can make you feel ashamed for saying something right.
right and then you can buckle. So the idea first says I'm not going to get bullied because my body is Allah that I will not be I will not belittle or back down from what I have to say because it was revealed from the book and Latinas advocate that sticking behind it well who is our lasagna hain? And he is the one who will be friends all good people. Look at this last part, it's not just the state Oh, he'll be friends good people know, for any of you who will turn who will change sides who will listen to what I have to say, who wants to become better? Who want to walk away from the you know, the stubborn because what happens sometimes this is actually in a long time ago when I was
doing criminology studies, this crazy stuff like gangs and you know, young people that get into trouble and end up in jail and stuff like that, or you beat somebody up or did some kind of crime a lot of times there's one person in the group right who's very dominant they're really intimidating they're loud they're maybe taller than everybody stronger than everybody and everybody scared of their temper you don't want to make him mad. So when that guy does something wrong even if the other five six guys with him did not want to do it they only difference because the the ringleader is so intimidating that it's too scary to walk away from him because you don't want to get on his bad side
so the only engage in criminal behavior not because they're as violent or as evil as the guy leading them, but they turn into sheep behind them and they don't they don't question it because if they question that they figure the other five are gonna beat me up or he's gonna turn his rage towards me. So I better just go along with this. I better just go along with this you know, carjacking or this mugging or whatever else you know, and so in when when the police capture these young men, these adolescents these juveniles and they interview them separately it was him man I can't go against him. I can't you know they'll they'll rat him out each one of them will be like it was that
guy just you don't know how he gets what is the icing? Well, Hawaii, he alive is the one who befriends and protects good people. In other words, you don't have to be intimidated by the stubborn people in your circle that you have to hide behind them. Even if you don't agree with them. You're just too scared to speak out right? You're too scared to just take your own stand Don't be like that. So in this not only is the profits I'm standing tall, he's actually encouraging people that haven't found the guts to stand tall yet to get them to stand tall. So it's a remarkable keynote. Then he says, Well, if he knows that the road I'm in dooney, he is 40 Orlando Slocombe will enforce
on your own This is an this is an attack on the idols of America. He says those who you those are those of you who you call other than Him meaning other than Allah, they're not even capable of helping themselves.
And they can't they can't help you and they can't even help themselves. They're completely powerless. And this is not the subject of the I want to set the scene for these two ions that are coming now listen to this will enter the room ilaha lyase. Now, what are a hula hula hula hoops, you know there are two ways you can read this ayah Allah intended this remarkable duality in this ayah and I hope I'm able to express that to you clearly today. So one meaning of this is Allah the prophets I was told to criticize these idols that they have set up right and in religions, especially even in Mecca, when they built these idols, they give them kind of human form, right,
they give them a face, nose, smile, sometimes scary teeth, sometimes big years. This especially give them bulging eyes. And if it's a tall statue, it's looking down at you. So every time you look at the statue, you feel like it's staring at you. But it's always always staring at you, you know, and so they want to give the psychological impression that this figure is listening or this figure is watching me, you know, and they'll give this like, they have no create a look on it, a certain look on it that's supposed to intimidate or make you feel like you know, you should be sitting in or so they create these psychological effects in the way that they carve these idols, there's actually a
method to that, right, the strategy behind it, and what is the IRSA one comment one way of looking at it is this is talking about the idols and saying and when you call on these idols to guide you to guide you what to do how to deal with this prophet. He's insulting you right because you the Prophet is insulting the idols in a sense he's saying they're nothing they're powerless so you should go to your God and say hey, you know great God, this one insulted you How should we deal with him? You go get guidance from them so if you were to call them to guide you last minute rule, they can't they won't hear what
you're gonna see them staring at you while home loan soon and they can't even see. So this this attempt, like you know, why don't you go get spiritual answers from your temple. Go get them
And then while you go, you should know you're going to sit there waiting for an answer. And you know, they can't see. Like, it's an insult on top of an insult. But there's another dimension of looking at this IRA, which is the homeless used majan. What this what this does, and we put it without getting technical about the Arabic is the profit slice on them, and the believers are being told that you will see them, you will see or enter the room if all of you invite the stubborn people to guidance. If you invite stubborn, stubborn people to listen to you to something that will actually guide them to a common sense to reason, Niaspan, there's no way they're going to listen.
This is again, this is describing the nature, it's like comparing stubborn people to statues, right? Because you're talking to a statue, it has no reaction, it stays the way it is. And now let's flipping the script and saying, by the way, if you Muslims, and if you believers, you meet certain people, you talk to them, it's no different than talking to a statue that is
the Elias mouth, they're not going to hear what's around you. And they are going to, you're going to see that they're looking right through you. They're staring at you, as if they've got this deep, profound analysis. And they figured you out and it's so belittling, it's so intimidating when somebody gives you a certain kind of stare, right? The Quran talks about the power of staring, and how it can be actually a means of intimidation. Some of you might have been put in that situation. There are some people who look at you a certain way and you can melt inside. You can feel like nothing in sight just from the way they're looking at you. Their facial expressions, the way their
eyes bulge, just the way What What does Allah say about that look, that intimidating look, well, Himalayan, Ceylon, and they don't see anything at all. In other words, it's just an assistant act. Behind that stare is no deep thought, no real criticism, there's nothing, there's just an act used to intimidate you. Because they have no real insight at all. They have nothing more to offer than intimidation. That's all they have to offer. What's our own young Luna ilica oh 901. This is deep insight into First of all, the first thing you and I have to learn about dealing with stubborn people. I'm not saying the stubborn people you have to deal with in your life are the same as the
idols of makaha are the leaders of courage. That's what I started with that disclaimer. So I have to review that disclaimer with you. But I do have to also tell you that just because someone who's stubborn doesn't mean that they wake up stubborn. And they are stubborn, 24 hours a day, or 12 hours of their waking day and they go to sleep stubborn. Some people are really nice, calm, regular, they're really easy to deal with. But when it comes to one issue, when it comes to one subject, or when it comes to one of those they have, they're having one of those days, and they become somebody else that you can you recognize that you understand. So they're not like the statue, that's always
the same. They're not like the Quraysh who are rigid, they're just set in stone. But there are people that have stubbornness in them every once in a while. They have it every once in a while, right? And in that in those moments, didn't want to hear anything that you have to say. In those moments. There's no point reasoning with them. There is no point getting getting across to them. And you should know that people in your family, your loved ones, your friends, you should know them well enough to know when that evil switches on.
You know, I'm not calling them evil, but when that switches on, you should know this person is not their normal self right now. They're not their normal suffering, which means having a reasonable conversation with them right now is no point. It's not going to do any is only going to make things worse. You have to have the sense to the and where do we get that from this advice. And you should know you should be able to engage the people in your life and say when to engage when to not engage, right? What is Allah telling the prophets I saw them in IR number 199, who dilla fwaa who did ask what hold on to awful awful has two meanings. One means forgiveness. And if you look at it, look at
that meaning what that would mean that is hold on to the idea that sometimes people are gonna say crazy things in your life. And you just got to learn to let go because they're not really themselves in that moment.
Don't make that into an argument because you've had that same argument 3000 times it didn't go any differently. learn your lesson and stop making the same mistake hold it alpha. But Apple also means in Arabic That which comes easy. After means that which comes easy that which is accessible. And one of the meanings of that in the idea is expect from people what you know they can handle. Expect, reasonably, what is easy for them. Like if you know certain tasks are too much for your son, your daughter, your husband, your wife, your father, your mother. Certain conversations are too stressful for them. They can't handle it. You know how much they can handle how much they can't handle. First
of all, gauge and be merciful and understand who can handle what little muscle allowed to send them would not give the same level of tasks to everyone.
Sahabi every companion, he knew some can handle more, some can handle less. Some were given massive responsibilities at a young age. And some were given almost no responsibilities even being twice that age. Because he has a profile, he has an understanding of who can handle how much. So you cannot have blanket expectations, even though not from all of your children, not all your children are the same.
Some kids turn out to be use of others, others turned out to be Binyamin. Others turned out to be the other brothers of use. That happens to right. Not all kids are the same. Not all, not all, you know, dealings. Now, friends are the same. Not all, not all employees are the same. And that's holding alpha. holding off will be a little, you know, forbearing. Understand that a person's not in their strongest moment right now and let go of the accelerator a little bit tone down the pressure. If they're getting rising and pressure, you tone it down a little bit. You don't escalate, you de escalate, or you realize this is not a productive time to have that conversation. This is called an
ifa. But just because you went easy. What is that I'm coming down to tell you when you go easy. Then Siobhan comes in two ways. He says, What are you going easy on him? What are you weak? You can put that guy in your place in this place. You're gonna let him see that and not say anything back.
And you tell yourself? No, I'll say it later. Right? I'll say it later when it's time. And the shutdown will come and say, Oh, yeah, later, right? He's just scared.
So then you say, then you talk about, oh, yeah, I'm not scared. I'm gonna have this fight right now, like I did the other 800 times. And you do the same thing again.
What's the other way Chevron comes, he says, Man, it's not worth the fight. So don't bring it up. Then don't bring it up. Even when things are normal, then don't bring it up ever again and let them get away with it.
There is one thing if a person is becoming ignorant, that's not the time to deal with it. When things when things have calmed down, that doesn't mean the issue is resolved. You still have to bring it up. And where do we get that from the next phrase in the aisle, what motivated selfie and stand by and command and enjoying what is decent. Just because you're being lenient at times, doesn't mean you let go of your values, or you're never going to bring it up anymore. You're just going to find a wiser time to bring it up. But you'll still stand by what you say. And you're not going to apologize for what you believe. Just because somebody else became belligerent somebody else
became ignorant doesn't mean you have to back down. And then even when you bring it up, when you bring it when you thought it was a good time to bring it up, and you brought it up. And guess what you found out that you stepped on a landmine again, the person blew up again. They're they're having an emotional meltdown, and they're exploding on you getting angry, getting stubborn, getting arrogant, getting all kinds of obnoxious, you're facing that situation again, what is the end with what are the analogia hidden, and then deliberately ignore those who are incapable of controlling their emotions?
You just did the person like that needs to be ignored. You just say what you got to say. And you don't take into your heart the things they're saying to you. Like you learn to just deflect what they're saying in the case for that in the Quran. Is Mussolini's right, because he's talking different own. Fiona saying horrible things to him. And musasa doesn't say you know what, you're a giant got to deal with this. No, he doesn't. He keeps talking. But he's ignoring the nonsense that he's saying. He ignores the nonsense sticks to his point, he hears more nonsense, he still sticks to his point, he hears more nonsense, he still sticks to his point. Now stand your ground. You don't
become emotional. You don't raise your voice because there is your voice. But you do ignore the giant which actually means not only do you ignore this person's behavior, you ignore this person every time they act in this way, you should spot it and say, This is not the time for me to get roped up in that. No you don't allow yourself to get wrapped in that so it's in these few words. Hotel alpha, mobile alpha alpha ninja hidden is actually huge teaching of our Deen that comes in is number 199. of swords. A lot of Elijah give us the strength, spiritual strength, the emotional fortitude, the the wisdom to be able to live by this idea in our daily lives. barakallahu li walakum
again, when a family when he was
hungry lavaca Salatu was Salam O Allah everybody in the dino stuff up. Also Salah Fahim, Mohammed Ibrahim, Mohammed amin, and he was by Allah azza wa jal if you could get him by the Nakula below him in Shakeology, in Allahu Allah he can use aluna in Libya you already know I'm sorry he was only with a steamer Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Allah Allah Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah Allah for him and for him, I mean, in like a hematoma Jean Allahumma barik, ala Muhammad, Ali Muhammad, come about Allah, Allah aliqua Haemophilia alameen in the middle Majid about a lot of them a lot of a lot in a lot yet one of the early signs
What if you were in harmonic fracture you will wake up political light. I cannot allow you know metal stone up in the sauna in a salon. I can't level up Nikita