Naima B. Robert – Advice for Muslims on Dealing Desires @alromaani
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AI: Transcript ©
Guys. Welcome welcome welcome to this session of
the intimacy conversation.
I have my brother Gabriel Al Romani who
is going to be leading this session today
insha'Allah
and I am going to be handing over
to him for him to tell you if
you don't know who he is, who he
is, what he does, and then we're going
to be talking about dealing with desires
from, I'm sure, a very holistic perspective. Please
feel free to put your questions. If you're,
a v if you're a, a VIP, put
your questions in the Zoom. If you're on
YouTube, do put your questions in the chat.
We will check through them inshallah.
But make the most of this opportunity to
have our brother Gabriel Arumani,
speaking to us on this very, very, very
important topic.
So brother, without any further ado, I will
hand over to you inshallah.
Just wanna make sure the voice is
okay. Right?
Everything's fine?
Okay.
For the invitation. I hope everyone is doing
well. May Allah bless all of you. Indeed,
this is a very important conversation
that,
is being held.
And with that importance comes, of course, a
lot of responsibility
in the Muslim Ummah to
best of
ways.
You know, Subhanahu, I would like to share
an advice that was given to me by
someone
And they said
that this issue of intimacy is such an
important
thing in our Ummah right now.
We are surrounded by
desire everywhere you turn
and
the desire is they're so high that people
are losing themselves.
See that
this desire fest is being spearheaded by, of
course,
the non Muslims.
If you think about it, they say that
the fastest man to a ways, the fastest
and start is through their belly. Right? You
feed them and you get to their heart.
Well, that is not correct. Fastest way
to a man's heart is
through his desires or her desires
and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells in Quran
something very interesting
indeed
the nafs,
it incites you to evil except whom Allah
saves from that or has mercy on them.
This Illa,
this
istifna,
as we say in Arabic, in the Arabic
language, it is an exception.
And the ulama have con
what is the exception?
Who is,
for example,
When Allah subhanahu tells us
that
the people be misguided
except for the so called
or the righteous servants.
And again, the
of the who are the
And they said,
looking at the Hadith and the Quran,
the the Mughlassin
are those that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala Himself
has chosen to protect,
meaning they are not left to just their
nafs. Everyone else is kind of left with
this
intihan or this test in our life to
deal and struggle with our
desire. Right?
Allah subhanahu tells in the Quran,
indeed, successfully,
he or she who purifies this, and the
one who doesn't
who corrupts it will fail.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has
selected
a specific few to protect them. Like the
prophet, sallallahu,
he wanted to go before Nubuwa, before revelation
to attend a a party.
In doing so, he told one of the
shepherd boys
to go. Just
wait for me. Stay there,
and I will,
come back.
But he did not.
And
what happened? The prophet fell asleep.
Allah caused him to
allow him to go to this party.
Do you see Allah interfered in that,
right?
Of course, most people don't have that
I apologize. There seemed to be something.
Yeah. Now
so
most people are left
to hires.
Now having said that, going back to my
main point is that
we have a specific responsibility
to deal with this issue and
have with this
I released some videos. I was talking about
this quite often, and some of the brothers
that I take
advice from, they said, look, be careful.
Right? They said because this conversation
go another way. It's easy to joke about
it.
It's easy to slip when you're talking about
intimacy. Why? Because it's linked directly
to your soul. It's linked directly to something
that actually you like,
actually something that you enjoy,
right? Intimacy is something beautiful.
It's something amazing.
So it's linked to your desire to enoughs,
yet it's so easy to slip it in.
That's why you see
based on desire, the nafs and what's called
the Hawa
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says in the Quran
did you see the one who has taken
as his
his his God,
his ilah, his desire,
Right?
I mean let's be honest, all of us
have felt it, all of us have experienced
it, and specifically when it comes to not
food,
water, this, that, talk about intimacy.
When it comes to intimacy, the desire seems
to be the most heightened.
It seems to be the most powerful,
the most
driving,
because it's linked to that innate
fitra,
to be with someone,
to
be in love, to share that feeling, that
desire,
to procreate,
to actually
to make love, right? The Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala
tells
us. Allah says he has put between you
la wadda, love.
So the concept of love
is that energy that creates life actually.
Right? What comes out of making love? It
comes life because
the woman gets pregnant, alhamdulillah,
children and so on
So, and Allah SWT will meet Ayatihee
is
not just
a Quranic verse, it is
actually an evidence, it is
a miracle.
Indeed, intimacy
is a miracle.
What comes out of intimacy, out of making
love, because now it's called *. People
easily throw the word out there,
but it used to be called making love
because it's producing love. It's the energy that
actually connects
and gives that life.
So it's so easy to slip when you're
talking about it, so easy to joke, it's
so easy to be inappropriate,
It's so easy even for Muslims when they're
talking in conferences as such
to become inappropriate, to joke.
Not just that to bring personal experiences sometimes
into this discussion, which is a big nahi,
it's a big,
forbidden thing as a prophet told us nadid,
it's like shaitan meeting with another shaitan on
the path and telling him what he's done
his thing with his lady shaitan, it's the
full line. Right?
It's secrets of the bedroom should never be
shared. However,
having said that, if Haya is maintained,
if Haya and Decent
then, of course, academically, we should be speaking
about it. So I was advised,
and I give the same advice to my
brothers and sisters
when they talk about especially when men and
women talk together.
A lot of people can say, Yeah, but
you know, we did this, we did that.
It's all about what we do today.
In Islam, it's all about how we come
back and that's what
coming back means to make tawba, to
repent, to change our ways, that we always
try to do better,
right? It's not about judging someone or about
thinking you're better than someone. It's about when
someone points something out to you
that and there's an evidence for it that
you should
you should consider, should be honest enough
and sincere enough to say you know what,
I think this person is right, especially when
our 'olema
and when our scholars, when the people who
have more knowledge than us, they give us
the evidence.
And it doesn't mean that they're restricting us.
It means that they're redirecting us.
So in doing so, I caution
when we discuss about this topic,
about the laughing and about the joking and
about the, you know,
it just something that we have to be
very careful so we don't slip and lose
ourselves. Remember,
intimacy is something that Allah swanahu wa ta'ala
when he, the prophet when we talked to
to the Sahaba radiAllahu anhu,
the sahaba were shocked because the prophet said
you get rewarded for it. You get
you get for it. So the prophet was
not shy. He said, whoever is shy will
not learn. He was not shy. Stop following.
Let me let me, sorry. Let me
rephrase that. It's not he was not shy
as in like he doesn't wanna talk about
this, like it was something taboo. Intimacy was
not something taboo.
Intimacy was not something taboo. Actually in some
of the hadith,
some interesting and funny words even are used
when he's talking to Omar Khattab radiAllahuhan, for
example, when he's talking to one of the
other sahabas who his wife was complaining about
intimacy
and the words, you know, the sahaba used
and the prophet laughed
and Al Khattab when he
so it's not like, that's it, we're closing
the door, no. But we just have to
be careful, especially
when you're talking men and women
joking and so on. So Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi
Wasallam said this gives you reward, but at
the same time he said to the sahaba
when there are questions, you Rasulullah, how can
we get adjr and reward?
Meaning when you're intimate, you're making love to
your wife,
you are basically being rewarded.
You're getting adjr.
The angels shy away,
they move away, they do not
they do not,
you know, record. They there's a shyness. There's
a there's a
it's just something beautiful, something inten
that is
only for the husband and the wife.
So the Saba Sayyara Surah, you're gonna get
like rewards. The prophet said, wouldn't you get
punished if you do it in the wrong
way? You see it's like such a fine
line. It's like you do it right
and you get rewarded. You do it wrong
or you engage in anything wrong,
then you can get punished.
So having said that,
dealing with desire
This is one of the greatest,
I would say most important topics today. Why?
Because it's linked to the fitra, to the
soul.
No one can deny that they have desire.
No one.
However,
desire can be
contained or it can be left to just
roam around and do whatever a person wants,
and that's why Allah says in the Quran
Whoever fears the meeting with his Lord will
and many,
that talk about
the nafs, talk about Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
and controlling yourself,
the reward of it. The prophet,
so he was very intimate.
We have many hadith of
but for example when it came to
when it came to
nights, it says that he has he had
the most control and he was tightened he
would tighten his ease out. He was the
most controlled person.
Right?
So the desire is, if you look around
the world right now,
open up your phone.
Desire.
I mean, let's be honest.
Scroll to Instagram.
Don't tell me that when you see something
it's not going to affect you.
Don't tell me that when you open the
TV or Netflix, it's not going to affect
you. Men and women, let's not forget brothers
and sisters, the
pandemic,
the epidemic
of * for both men and women. It's
not a joke. It's huge.
People think, oh my god, are you kidding
me? No, that doesn't.
We work, for example, in my Tuskea program
and we have a wing for brothers, a
wing for sisters, and it's full.
And yes, sisters are also caught by this
because people think no sisters are very, very
innocent.
No, it's not like that. Everyone is touched
by this. Desires with everyone. Men are foolish
sometimes to think that women have no desire.
You're wrong, man. It might be that they
have even more desire than men sometimes if
a person understands their makeup.
So
has touched everyone, but the problem is that
it affects everyone. If we don't control it,
if you don't tame it, you get affected.
For example, men, if they don't tame it,
easy to slip, easy to commit zina, easy
to do the wrong thing.
And because they are the leader of this
ummah, they become weak.
Because they are the leaders of this ummah,
they are not able to lead
when they cannot control the desire. It is
said that many men
have become the masters of cities and towns
yet they cannot master their desires,
right?
And as the prophet said, he said I
have not left a greater fitna for men
than women,
right? After I leave, there's gonna be no
greater fitna for men than a woman on
all levels. Some people don't like this hadith.
Some people get upset, But if you know
the psychology of the man, then you understand
what we are talking.
No.
No.
And that's why if you look at it,
the restrictions of Islam, a lot of people
again don't like it.
The concept of the Hayat, yes it's for
men as well, but for women.
Don't look and don't understand it. Why are
women restricted? Why niqab? Why hijab?
Why there's a concept of the walli, which
people are trying to fight today. Oh, I'm
not a prisoner in house. Oh, I can't
you know, I can do whatever I want.
I'm free. There's that.
People can have all kinds of opinions, reinterpretations
in the end,
in the end, when you look at the
evidence and so on, as the Sharia
factor on the woman.
You like it or don't like it? I
mean don't have to take it out with
me right now. You can take it up
with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. There's a reason
for that. People say, oh, why? If If
you understand the psychology of the woman and
her role in the society. If a man
or
he makes a mistake
as the leader, he will he'll fail, big
thing, big problem.
We have huge issues with masculinity today, huge
issue with men not being able to hold
their ground, to hold their masculine frame. We
are weak.
No doubt. But if a man fails, he
fails himself.
1 person fails.
That doesn't mean necessarily the family is gonna
fail, but definitely is gonna be affected.
If a woman fails,
it's a huge problem because the children can
fail and it won't even be felt.
The whole family can fail. I'm not blaming
here women, but understand why hijabs been put
on women and not on men.
Why niqab is recommended sometimes for women not
for men,
why there's certain things that a woman cannot
just do. It's not because it's just oh
men are chauvinistic and so on. Because the
fitra of the woman
is easier
to incline sometimes.
If we look at some of the hadith
about
the end of time, about the coming of
the dajjal, people hate it, They want to
deny these hadith. Women fight against it. Feminists
hate it.
So called liberated Muslimers
Graham tried to say that its interpretation of
patriarchal,
they use all these you know terms that
the
the, you
know, neo
modernist and feminists are using today.
The pseudo, you know, liberated Muslim stuff for
Allah, guide
and they'll say no, we don't accept this
interpretation. What interpretation don't you accept?
Look at the context.
Look at this is not
a just oh, it's mutashabi.
You're talking here about an actual context. The
process
this will happen with the Dijal. This was
happened, this and this and this. The process
and make it explained certain hadith. People tried
to reinterpret it. They'll try to find some
classical scholar somehow that that is somehow revealed
directly from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
just to follow their again desires.
What's the issue? The issue is
that the sharia is heavier on the woman
because there
is easier for the woman to slip and
when she slips with her desires,
it's on a different level.
The man, yes, no doubt, is on another
level, but the woman also on another level.
The man is different. Walay se dekrukalunsa,
the 2 are totally different. The man, what
can he slip in? The man will slip
physically.
He will get attached to something physically. He
will commit a physical sin. His desire will
push him towards physical.
*, zina.
Men will see the physiological
effects on them. For example, why do men
come with us with * addiction? They're suffering,
they're depressed
because their brain realigns it, rewires
in a certain way that it doesn't work
anymore.
They have huge depression anxiety,
not just that of course, performance is, and
they're scared, performance is affected.
They are scared. They're terrified. For a woman,
performance is not ex she's a receiver. She's
not it's not it's not affected.
So for a woman, it's even more dangerous.
For example, women who are falling into desires,
it's dangerous. If a woman goes beyond the
boundaries cannot control her desires, she gets usually
emotionally attached, which is much much heavier than
just the physical attachment.
Understand?
So that's why sometimes in sharia, we find
that it's very heavy
on controlling the desires of the woman and
reminding her. And the same with men, but
it's not exactly
the same thing. But all of it is
done to protect the family and the family
is the building block of the Ummah.
People shouldn't be upset. The Sahabi'at,
the women of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
they did not say You Rasool Allah, why
are you telling us this and that? They
used to say,
tell us more You Rasool Allah. Why is
that? Why do you say these things about
women in the ahadith that so many feminists
want to reject reject?
Why You Rasoolah? Not like
I don't like this, this is chauvinistic,
this is this, this is that. No, they
had a different mindset. They wanted to know
how do I get to Jannah?
Not how I can reject the hadith.
The
the jarwatadeel
or mustalaal hadith sciences
are not revolved around
you know, whatever modernist desires. Oh I don't
agree with this. I don't think this hadith
is correct.
It's
all revealed
and hadith is a form of wahi.
It's all revealed from Allah to protect us,
to help us to protect us,
to help us to hold
our soul,
to control it because if we let it
loose inanafsa,
la'amara to be so.
Indeed, it will order us to even look
around, brothers and sisters.
Look around at what is going on.
Brothers and sisters,
I work as a counselor.
I work in positive Islamic psychology.
Every day I take about 5 clients
and I cannot I'm not kidding you.
It's mostly divorce,
* addiction,
Zena,
SSA, same * attraction is huge, huge, huge,
huge problem
with homosexuality and lesbianism.
Where is it coming from?
Why do you think homosexuality and lesbianism is
Haram? Because it's possible.
It's possible.
Oh, it's but everyone can fall into it
except who fears Allah.
People think that, oh, you know, the story
of Lut alaihis salam for example.
The story, you think that the people of
Lut were like straight up homosexuals? No, they're
engaged in the act. How do you think
they're procreating? How do you think they're a
village of people and there were women in
that village? They were engaged in the act
as Lut said, do you take your shy
desire on men other than women? They are
perverted to that sense. You understand?
So if this is possible for everyone, that's
why Allah makes haram. Allah is not gonna
make something haram that is impossible.
Huge
problem in the Ummah, in Muslim countries has
bled to the point that sometimes worse than
in in in non Muslim countries.
I mean I worked in Muslim countries
including in the I'm not gonna name countries
that are very very holy
and SubhanAllah,
it's not just an isolated case, it's a
pandemic.
Full schools
of women and schools of men, you know,
because there's separation,
fall under this issue. Where is it coming
from?
Is it just oh it's a trap no,
it's because of desire.
It's because there's no terbia for the soul
to be reacted, to be controlled,
to be tamed,
to to direct the desire in the correct
way.
So as a council I see these things
everyday. They're emotionally taxing. It's tough sometimes to
deal with some of these things and you're
talking about the Muslims.
What about the non Muslims who are pretty
much leading the world? Who are setting the
pace for what we watch? Who are setting
the pace for Netflix? Man, most people have
Netflix.
Most Muslims
who are,
you know, you can say have watched something
or on Netflix or Internet this and that
exposed to things.
Every small exposure will hurt us. Every small
exposure will change something in us.
This is the truth,
this is true we all feel it, we
all feel it as soon as we open
our phone.
So I see these things as a counselor
I see and I'm you know it's it's
worrisome
and look at the world around you who's
leading the world what are they pushing for?
At least for us Muslims, we know still
halal and haram even though
the
limits are becoming a bit more blurry.
This is the reality.
Slowly slowly, new people, new speakers are emerging
with qualifications.
Oh,
so and so, doctor so and so, person
so and so, sheikh so and so says
this.
Alhamdulillah, it's okay. There's a there's an opinion
there
And people are making it more and more
blurry. Again, you don't understand it's an issue
of the nafs. It's the mo one of
the most dangerous things
to play with.
So
we have to be careful. How do you
protect your desire? How do you tame your
desire? How do you hold your desire?
Islam gives us that solution.
Practicing Islam,
holding on to your salah,
doing all the Ibadat that you have to
do. This is the beginning
of
taking care of your soul. This is the
beginning
of
moving your soul in the
right as Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us
in the Quran.
So
For the one who holds his protects his
soul from that Hawa that is basically just
taking him anywhere,
then to him will
be paradise.
Having said all that, right? So Islam gives
us the solution.
Praying, fasting, all that that we do with
intention with sincerity,
right? In, in nasalata
10ha anilfahsha
iwalmunkar
Indeed salah stops
10ha
from fakhshah and munkar from evil and bad
deeds
Right? Just praying, just doing your salah properly
can help you to control your nafs
Just waking up for fajr
can help you to set the pace in
your day. Praying fajr and isha is like
praying the whole night. Waking up for tahajjud,
doing something that most people do not do
can help you to curb your nafs,
to give you that strength. If you can't
lift the blanket, how do you think you're
going to protect yourself?
When Yousaf alaihis salam
was tried to be seduced
by the wife of the Aziz,
Try to imagine, I mean I'm not don't
visualize but you know what I mean, right?
A very very attractive woman.
A very very very attractive man. I have
no, you know issues with saying stuff like
that because that's what's known that Yousef alaihisam
was one of the most beautiful men that
ever existed.
Okay? Imagine
right? I mean he's just
perfect.
So that woman was also though very very
attractive
and here you are in this situation,
in that situation where look at that subhanAllah
any
proximity,
she starts falling for him. He was protecting
himself, he didn't fall for her. He was
a Nabi of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. But
look at what she done and what she
tried to
do, right? All that
innocence is not there anymore because the desire
was just pushing her to the point that
she's ripping his clothes off from the back,
right? And not just that it didn't stop
there to the point that she calls women
and when they see them, they see him,
I mean, imagine now, it's like you're surrounded
by a bunch of women. They're cutting their
fingers. Yes, indeed. That's how attracted they were
to him. And people might not feel comfortable
with that talk, but it's true.
That's how nuffs can push you through.
Don't think that oh men,
men, women, or women don't have desire, oh
men whatever have desire. No. Both are tested
with the same fitna, with the same issue.
It is just that some people are oblivious
to this thing.
But what did Youssef alaihis salam say?
He said,
he
said,
said, oh my lord,
jail is more beloved to me.
Interesting love, some of the ulemas say that
after the Aziz
died, some say that he married
this woman in halal.
The authenticity is disputed.
But in the end,
when you give
up something,
Allah will give you something better.
And this is my
one of probably the main points I talked
about.
Number 1, about how important it is to
have Haya about this. Not to fool around
when we talk about this, to be as
professional academic as possible about this, especially when
men and women are discussing this. Then I
said how important it is to talk about
this. This extremely, extremely important because it's such
a huge problem.
It is the connecting bond. It is the
glue. It is that spiritual love that Allah
has used as
an aya,
has used that as a
a miracle
to show making love is a miracle and
the love, the energy creates life,
right? So it's extremely important. There's no taboo.
The prophet discussed it. The prophet
talked about his Sabbath. He was asked questions
about it. There is no taboo here about
it,
right? So we have to discuss it. It
is ajum and yet it can be a
punishment if done in the wrong way. It
is a huge fitna today
on both men and women's side,
male and female. It's a huge fitna for
all of us.
Huge cannot be
stated, you know, enough how big it is.
It is the fastest way to a person's
heart and also the fastest way to destroy
a soul.
It is definitely led spearheaded
this
movement of desire, hedonistic movement is spearheaded by
the non Muslims and it is driven through
the social media. It is driven to
the
Netflix,
your movies, your music, everything around
people. It's just it takes one person in
a school of girls or boys to just
say look what I have on my phone
check it out. It can be that first
exposure.
Pay attention for those who don't understand neuroscience
and psychology
or sexuality.
It is that first exposure
to something that can set the basis for
your fantasies
and your sexuality.
And again, I want to say, and I
know people hate me for this sometimes, especially
on the woman's side.
Because the guy, he will look very visual.
Even the women are visual, but the guy
will try more physical. For the woman
is here.
The most evolved
sexual organ you can say of a woman
is her brain. It's her mind.
And these people know. Look evidence for this.
Just you don't like it what I say.
I know. I understand.
Look around who are they targeting the most?
Where is the beauty industry?
Where is the purchasing power
in the world?
With the women,
man. Look, go to the mall.
Who's hypersexualized?
Women hypersexualize
each other.
Women
check out,
you name it. It's huge and it's Target.
Every ad, everything they wanna sell from a
tire to a shampoo
has some beautiful woman on it trying to
and who buys these things? And yet, the
entire men will buy no doubt by even
women, but definitely everything of the cosmetics, the
fashion, everything.
Women, women, women, women for women.
It's women are targeted to be corrupted.
Men of course, men, it's, I mean, let's
not even talk about men, right?
I'm I'm not trying to be impartial here,
but the modern
society
is degenerating.
And how is it happening? Through the desires,
especially
sexual intimate desires,
right? So that was my other point.
Then I said as for the solution that
Islam gives
is about targeting the soul through
prayer,
through,
following Islam,
through actual just just the basics of Islam,
just doing Islam
will protect you from just your salah will
protect you
from and curb your soul.
Right? Just the connection to the Quran, recitation
daily, attending the Jannah,
all these things can help you to curb
your soul.
And last but not least,
you know, people come to me and they
say
brother,
in my counseling sessions clients, brother,
you know, I wanna for example,
I wanna deal with my desires, I'm gonna
no fap for 1 year, I've been no
fapping for 1 year and I'm like okay
good for you Masha'Allah and
then I relapsed.
Now what happened man?
Man, you know, I'm back to square 1.
Why?
Because, you know, I felt weak. You know,
my desires, I know.
But I thought that I I can hold
myself and purify myself.
Asceticism
is not the end solution. Yes, there's been
some
Sahaba, few.
There's been some people
of the Tabaeen who are ascetic,
few who didn't marry for example,
who are very very just
away from that, few.
But Sayed al Mursaleen, Muhammad
he married and he said
marriage is from my sunnah, Whoever goes against
my sunnah is not from me. Do you
understand what what this means?
He said it's not from me.
Whoever goes against my sunnah.
He didn't choose something else. If you look
throughout the Hadith of the prophet
this strict
strict warning comes with Nikah.
Okay? There's Sunnah Abdulhur for example, praying dua
and you're not Allah will not punish you
for leaving some sometimes the sun of dua,
sometimes you gotta go to work or whatever.
You just go into the masjid pray or
wherever you're praying and you have to go
to meeting.
But specifically when it came to nikah, to
marriage,
the process was very very strict then. Because
actually the solution
to our desires in the end is not
just holding them back, but actually releasing them
in halau.
Yes, holding is important. There's always some
protection, some limits,
even within the ratio. But
the fasting,
the no fapping,
the
all these things that people have tried owning,
going on very spiritual
battles
and so on.
In the end,
they are just band aid solutions. They are
not long term solutions.
Because the prophet
he said when those sahabas
were fasting, he said I'm gonna fast and
not break my fast, I'm not gonna marry.
I'm gonna pray the whole night.
Told them because the women one was complaining.
My husband doesn't need for me.
When this haba came to her house, saw
her so
not proper.
What's going on? Say, my husband doesn't know.
He don't he doesn't have any need for
me.
There's no need for me. He came and
told the prophet look what they're doing.
And he said, no, this is not from
me. I don't do these things.
I marry,
I
fast and break my fast
and I sleep and pray.
Whoever goes against this is not for me.
Understand? So the real way,
the
the correct
way to fully contain your desires
is to express your desires in a halal
way.
To get married,
to enjoy because you're getting actually rewarded!
So someone would think that oh you have
some monk type of philosophy now that Gabriel
Romani is gonna give us, you have to
go to some mountain and fast for like
2 years and NoFap.
A lot of people have done all kinds
of stuff. In the end, they fall.
Why? Because it's not the sunnah of the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasall.
Don't try to invent things.
In the end, the best way to curb
your soul
to to contain and control your desires
is by releasing your desires in a halal
matter. And the prophet
did that and we have no shame. I
remember
you know this guy came to me one
time
and he was like oh,
your prophet said that
has been made beloved to me from your
dunya, women and perfume. I said, man, we're
proud of that. He's not like, you know,
of course, we're happy with that. What do
you want him to, you know, I mean,
with the wall, everything is going on today,
man, you know, we're very happy with that.
Like, what do you think? I'm gonna get
upset or something if the prophet loved women?
Of course, he loved women. I am Alhamdulillah,
man. You know? That's why I say even
today, subhanallah, with today's
parents come to me, brother,
my son,
I think he likes a girl I'm like
Alhamdulillah
it's a girl
don't worry we can work with it inshaAllah
we'll fix it inshaAllah.
You know what I
mean? So the best way
to control your desires
is through halal.
And within the halal there's a lot that
can be done.
Now I haven't listened to all the things
but I do want to caution here people.
There's a limit
on everything and the prophet says al halal
bayin wal haram bayin.
There's a limit, there's difference of opinion in
certain things, no doubt.
Don't push your own desires onto people.
Even if you find that there's difference of
opinion on something, we have to remind ourselves
that.
I've seen now all these coaches coming up,
a lot of coaches coming up, a lot
of counselors coming up.
Everyone
qualifies to be a counselor, not everyone has
a TikTok, Instagram account, everyone is now somehow
qualified and does coaching and counseling, but I've
seen a few people SubhanAllah Yani. I'm very
sad to see
any sorry Yani talking about
all kinds of things that go
I would say they will destroy
certain things within a husband and wife.
It will push them away from the limits.
And actually after that, Allah'alim, what's what's gonna
happen? And
you know, it's sad because these people don't
have knowledge. I'm not trying to name people.
I'm not trying to
shame anyone or anything like that. They're open
there about it,
you know. Sorry. I mean, your hijab doing
all you know, without shame and even with
their husbands in their pictures and in their
videos
talking about, you know, self pleasuring and *
and all this stuff.
I'm sorry,
is this is if you think that this
is correct, you're totally wrong.
And for the men, if you allow your
women to go to that level
where shamelessly they promote these kind of toys
thinking that it spices up your desire in
your * life, you're destroying your fitra, and
you're losing yourself, and you're definitely losing your
manhood
if you allow your woman to
have such things.
We've lost our our leader. We've lost our
manhood actually.
If you think about what they're promoting,
what men can allow
for his wife
to
sorry, Annie to engage with such toys?
Like where's your pride as a man? And
not just that. I'm not saying that you
shouldn't satisfy your wife,
but come on man.
Don't you have some, you know,
skill or some ability and some some shame
and some also some rojula?
I think this is beyond the limits.
Putting that aside though, a husband and wife
can do so much.
It can be so much fun
to curb your desire
and your,
you know,
passion
for each other in so many ways within
the limit. There's so much variation, there's so
many things
that a person can enjoy with his wife
and his wife with their husband,
in making love,
in taking their desires out in the hallway,
it's not boring.
Islam is not just like just you know
what they will call safulani, I don't want
to say use the word tradition in the
wrong way, that that's it, that you can
have no fun, you cannot spice up things
or something like no.
There's a lot that can be done, but
there's always limits.
Understand
that there's always limits, and again being a
counselor,
you find that it starts with one thing,
second thing, and then
from there you've gone past the limits. And
you're like, man, I didn't, you know, I
thought that
maybe if I I thought, yeah, because your
desire was pushing you
and you thought that and then it pushed
you past the limit.
So limit's all there, it doesn't mean you
cannot have fun, don't don't think again there'll
be that
understanding, oh Islam is so boring,
there's no spice up.
Definitely, you look around everyone's supposedly having a
lot of fun when it comes to intimacy,
everyone's enjoying it, everyone's rubbing your face, oh
it's so good, this is good, that
the movies are all hyped up. Of course,
don't think
the movies people watch movies like, oh my
God, it's star fantasy. I know I wish
I would have such a love life like
that. You're kidding me? This is all cut
action.
Hello? Light this way, light that way.
That's how it works.
Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
The person
needs to understand
that they
make it in such a way
They make it in such a way that
it does bring and arouse desire into you.
The lights, the ambiance, the music, the way
they're doing things and people like oh man
it's so nice
because it works here.
But what if you're not to actually do
that, it probably feels something totally different.
But then people start thinking and they start
comparing and they say, oh my god, my
life is so boring. Then what happens after?
They want to spice it up
and it becomes something totally, totally different because
they cross the limits. Yes. Have fun. Yes.
There's a lot that can be done, but
know the limits.
There's a lot I will repeat that can
be done to express your desires
and your attraction towards your wife and your
wife towards you.
So controlling your desires,
yes, even within marriage yes there's of course
there's limits but one of the best ways
to control your desires is to express
your desires in
a halal
matter.
Having said that,
this is basically what I want to share
with you today.
If anything good came out of that that's
from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. If anything wrong
this is from my mistakes,
And if there are any questions or anything
that we wanna add or comment,
feel free. Inshallah, I'm ready to take to
take it on.
Brother
for that really important reminder.
There are
a ton of questions in the chat. So
if you could address as many of them
as possible, we would be very grateful, but
those are questions that came in from people
who signed up for the conference,
and most of them, I think, are, you
know, suitable for you to answer in this
conversation.
So if you could answer as many of
them as possible, I know that the viewers
will be very appreciative.
Okay.
So first question is, what's your advice from
men who have more desire than their wives
and wives who desires more than their husbands?
Okay. That's a very, very good question. I
just had a
with a great chef
a couple of days ago about this. Should
this be part of the vetting?
Is this appropriate for someone who might have
desire? Especially, for example, they've been married before
because it becomes a fitna. Wallahi,
it's a huge fitna from the cases that
I take where how many women will come
and be like
my husband just it's not there. I mean,
I have a lot of desire, he can't
do it and I'm suffering
and I am basically
my mind now starts shifting. Shaytan is playing
with it. Of course, the typical answer will
be, you know, and if you're Allah, fast,
be careful, have taqwa, of course, and this
is what we should do, right? I always
say Islam teaches us what we should do
and then what happens if we cannot do?
So
it is a very sensitive question
because it can go on both sides.
Sometimes the man has more desire. For the
man, there's an avenue
that is he can marry again. If he
has more desire, his wife cannot meet his
needs.
Sadly, men go to haram.
Okay? Sorry and I'm just gonna be straight
for massage parlors, prostitution,
escorts,
*, definitely * even if not gonna go
all the way to Khomezina,
most men will be engaged in *. I
mean, I don't know if, you know, people
have not been touched by this.
This is what it is, but men have
men have at least halal way. They can
marry
oh brother, but but but but but what?
But what? Who who
who matters more Allah or or what the
people say?
Because in the end, you know, people are
gonna still do it and sadly, I mean
there's some women stuff and some cultures would
say I don't care if my husband watches
*, I don't care if my husband even
goes to a prostitute
once in a while. I don't want any
of this marriage stuff.
I mean, I've heard it from people's mouths,
not one. I've heard it where women would
say it's okay if my wife wants and
I mean, if my husband once in a
while has this thing here and there, you
know, at the massage parlor or whatever. Are
you kidding me? Are you joking?
Right? So it's a huge problem. So for
the men, there's no excuse. I'm sorry. There's
just no excuse. Let me be very straightforward
about that.
You have no
excuse
to go into haram
because you have an avenue. Allah is giving
you an avenue because yes indeed men
are about frequency mostly, usually a lot of
desire, a lot of frequency and sometimes women
cannot
and that's why polygyny is a solution, I've
always said that done properly,
correctly is a solution. Allah doesn't leave us
unaddressed here.
So for men, there's just no excuse to
any. We're just simping out if we're just
messing about and disobeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
That is clear.
When it comes to women,
it's a problem
because for women, it's more about the quality.
Not necessarily, it's about the sometimes the quantity.
No doubt. No doubt. No no doubt that
women can have more quantity,
than men. I mean, it's just it's their
receivers.
That's, you know, again, people probably are oblivious
to this to the makeup, the psychology, and
sexuality of the woman because it's been
covered
and shamed and
shaded by Judeo Christian tradition,
okay?
With with with, everything where women are just,
no, I mean, for God's sake, the female
* was a myth, was a myth.
The female soul actually was a myth, if
you want to think about it in the,
you know, in the Catholic church for many
centuries. So forget about about the female *,
the female soul was disputed whether women actually
have a soul. Putting that aside,
for anyone who understands female psychology and and
sexuality,
Yes, women have desire a lot of desire
as well, sometimes more than men. So what
does a woman do? Because she cannot she
doesn't have an she can't just go marry
another husband,
You know, there's just no way. That's it.
So actually, believe it or not, a lot
of the ulama have been dealing with this
case. All the fuqaha and the qadis have
been dealing with some of these cases.
And in some
obviously, communication is very important,
first and foremost,
between a couple.
They have to talk, they have to express
women sometimes they fear and rightly so because
there'll be shame.
One of the worst thing a man can
do
is to shame his wife for her desires
as long as she doesn't commit sin or
just to talk about how she feels, but
most men cannot handle that. Most men are
not mature enough to have that conversation, they
get insecure,
they run with their, you know, like the
tail between their legs. I mean, it's okay
for a man to be like oh I
have desire, oh I have a lot of
things when a woman will say that because
obviously a woman is expected to have more
hair, but the thing is
if if a couple understand each other, they
love each other, they have a good communication,
it should be safe for a woman to
express her emotions or feelings.
Right?
There's there's of course limits to everything, but
if a couple reaches that comfort level
and they can communicate, it's better than just
holding it back. Yeah, you can fast and
for some it it really works.
Yes, you can pray and make dua and
for some it actually
that's the best thing you can do, right?
To hold your nafs and to wait for
Jannah. But for some it doesn't work for
us and it happened during the time of
the process and there was cases where women
have complained to the process
about not being satisfied by their husbands. I
know one very specific case.
Okay? And the woman was very harsh in
what she said.
Okay?
So here we see the prophet receiving some
of these questions and complaints.
And
to be honest, as I said, like, the
Fuqaha, they deal with these cases. So, yes,
if the woman can help herself to fast
to this and that, it's good. But if
the woman can communicate
and I would say
personally
what I know from, what I've studied
and dealing with the cases
and talking with so many professionals,
I think that if communication is open
and there's no shaming,
it's a huge one. It's a huge one.
It goes on both sides, women will shame
men as well,
but I think women are just sometimes like
they know okay guys just have desire, that's
like, it's they're polygynous,
Right? A woman can handle it much easier.
For the guy, he gets very insecure. He
just gets very confused, very doubtful, and so
on. But communicating the man is mature, he
has confidence
and he can have that discussion, he can
learn about his wife's desires and please her.
It's not that difficult guys, actually it's not.
It is complex,
I would say it is complex, a very
complex mechanism,
no doubt, I mean SubhanAllah
It's not that difficult.
It's not that difficult. If you just listen
because, hey, they know best what they want.
Trust me, they do.
Trust me, okay?
I'm not gonna even, I mean, you know,
to talk about, you know, female sexuality and
and and you know what what women want.
It's another lecture,
but all you have to do is ask
her, man. Have the
the the humbleness
to to learn.
Don't think that just because you watch some
* videos all of a sudden you know
what to do,
right? It's not and don't think that all
women are the same, Not all women like,
by the way again, that filth is just
staged.
Don't think you can just perform because you've
learned you've been watching it for 10 years,
you know, as as a as a teenager.
It's not like that. Yes, most men think
like that and they traumatize
sometimes the woman on her on their wedding
night,
and it sets the pace, it pushes people
apart, it destroys the marriage from the beginning.
A lot of the problems we have in
marriages
are linked to intimacy.
Okay? What I see from our cases anyway
and from many other professionals that I talked
to.
So the man has the maturity,
the mindset,
okay? He's not
weak and scared. Oh my god, all of
a sudden I'm insecure
and can listen to his wife. She can
tell him some of the things that
that she likes and that will please her,
and their intimate life can become much much
much better. Again complex system and mechanism,
very complex, panallah,
yet not difficult
to do. You just have to have the
confidence
and the ability to learn and to understand
and remember you're a kawam
and that's why even some of the
would say stuff like
because you're a kawam,
even that you have to provide. Now it's
not just about
a roof over a woman's head and the
clothes and food,
It's that you have to also provide that
satisfaction because for a woman,
people think again, oh brother, I think you're
wrong, no intimacy is probably one of the
most important things
Okay? It's a way that manic, for men
as well, the way they express their love
but I think for women it goes beyond
sometimes just the actual act.
It is very important,
the connection
and so on, and it there's a specific
way that she connects,
it's not just one way, for men it's
a bit easier,
not all men,
not all men are just that easy to
connect,
but for men it's a bit easier. It's
much easier to satisfy a man.
But for a woman, she doesn't men think
that it's just I'm gonna perform this act.
I'm so, you know, good. I'm just wow.
Look at me. I'm muscular. I'm look good.
This and that. That's it. No. It doesn't
work like that.
It goes beyond that. It works on an
emotional level for a woman and more it
works here. It starts from here.
Everything the connection has to be there for
her to fully, fully
engage and if you don't ask and bother
to understand, she probably won't tell you because
she doesn't wanna shame you, doesn't want to
make you feel guilty. She's probably gonna
close down. And I tell you, mark my
words, you have 1 or 2 chances as
a man in your life with your wife
to actually open up and understand what's here,
and understand what she wants and what's her
desire. And if you don't play your cards
properly, she's never gonna open up to you
again. If you shame her or you make
her feel like oh my god, he's gonna
judge me or he's gonna think I'm a
bad woman or an easy woman,
You're done, you're never gonna get in there.
And again, trust me man, you're never gonna
get in there again. And you're gonna live
a life just wondering what the heck she's
thinking, oh, what's going on?
And she's not gonna tell you not satisfying
till 10, 15, 20 years maybe and the
marriage is falling apart, then they come to
us for counseling and say,
well, you know, we're suffering, we hate each
other, we haven't slept in the same bed
for 15 years.
Okay? Some since they consummated marriage, they haven't
slept in the same bed
And you ask them, so what's going on?
What's in what's how's intimacy? What's happening? Should
this non existent? Why? Then you get to
uncover all the problems.
So
this is very important and last but not
least subhanAllah and
some of the Fuqaha have dealt with
with cases as such.
And
as I said,
a man is responsible for that as well.
Like you have. Now of course some women
are just
it's a different story.
It's not just black and white like that
just cut clear, but definitely definitely can be
worked with the way I said Insha'Allah.
How do I deal with a husband? He
was a good man provider
but there's no intimacy
emotionally or physically?
You have to define what is what's a
good man,
right? I think that's sometimes the problem that
women are not attracted to very good men.
It's
I mean, I think what means today in
a good sense good man
is that he's just very
agreeable and he's just an yes, ma'am, nice
guy, you know, mister nice guy. Women,
I mean, they want a man who has
good values,
good morals, but they want a strong man.
And they don't want a toxic man who's
a bad man. They want a strongness difference.
Again, people, you know, you have red toe
movement talking about men,
right? Then you have like
this neo
feminist movement was talking about guys should be
more feminine and more in touch with their
femininity and, I don't know go do ballet
or something like that. It's wrong.
You need a strong man, but a man
who has values, a man who has a
mission, a man who has morals, ethics, who
appears Allah, but at the same time
he knows what he wants. He's assertive
and
strong strength in a man actually is his
ability to be strong is linked to his
intimacy,
his testosterone level. If he's a guy who's
stuck in traffic every day 2, 3 hours,
who has a belly and has lost his
most of his hair by, you know, mid
thirties or before that, definitely is not going
to be an intimate person. They don't have
the ability, you know sadly what can you
do is truth.
The whole system works against man, it's meant
to emasculate men from the education, like sitting
on a chair for too long,
it destroys a man. There's no active learning.
Women do much better.
It's much easier for men, it's just the
way they're created. They can be more sedimentary.
I'm not saying I'm not insulting you sisters,
it's just the truth.
Men are they want to jump. I mean,
I was
a grade school teacher many, many years ago
and I couldn't keep my those kids, man,
those little
buggers, they couldn't, you know, just sit in
one and I realized, I said, looking at
the psychology can't they're they're just they have
too much energy.
So I would every 10:15 minutes would just
pull the tables and just fight or play
soccer or football whatever in the class and
make noise and principal would come and you
know get me in trouble and put the
desk together and teach another 10, 15 minutes
and then again we'd go and play football
and they would learn guess what they would
learn,
Right? The food that we eat is is
emasculating us. The lifestyle is emasculating us. Most
guys don't have time to do anything.
Most guys
spend too much time around women. They don't
have a brotherhood. Where what support do men
turn to?
Where do men do manly things?
And then women wonder why they're not wanna
do intimacy because they don't have the ability.
It's it's it's dying out. There's no testosterone.
There's no the hormones are messed up.
My staghlian mechanism doesn't work. It's the reality.
A man when he, for example, man, just
go and spend 1 month
training at least 3 times a week lifting
heavy
and fighting with another man, just jujitsu, punch
him, whatever, you know? Okay, I'm not talking
about face or whatever. I know people are
sensitive. Just just do it and tell me
you're not gonna want to be intimate with
your wife. Man, you're gonna feel like like
like an animal.
You know what I mean? It's just true.
It's linked a man's strength and power.
His even aggressiveness that needs to be controlled
is linked to his performance and his libido
and his strength when it comes to bed.
100%.
But again, men are and you know, women
think stay more time with me, don't go
with your friends, don't go here, they think
it's better for them. Oh, I don't know
why my husband it's not bad for a
good phrase, it's bad for you actually. It's
very bad. He needs to go do manly
things. They've done it for 1000 of years.
Men have done manly things.
The Sahaba used to rush back home.
They used to rush and the prophet said
send messengers.
Tell the women that the men are coming.
Also, you men send messengers.
What are messengers? Words and kisses. See the
prophet said in the messenger, well he knows
words.
Women like to hear things,
okay women like to hear things word *
it is what it is okay these are
the and kisses
foreplay
The prophet knew that. He knows he's the
Messenger of Allah. He's
been, you know, sent by the one who
created women.
You know what I'm saying? So it's very
important.
The Sahabas are coming. You think man, these
guys were beasts.
You know people came from war
this is a we cannot compare the the
testosterone levels of some of the sahabas with
what we have today. I don't care how
you look and muscles and something about it.
That's the thing. That's the good thing.
So if you, sister, this is a
this is a question probably from a sister
and get your get your husband a gym
membership. Get your husband a martial arts membership.
Let him go do a cryotherapy.
Go and, you know, 4 degrees cold water
for 10 minutes,
2, 3 times a week, see what happens.
Give them some vitamins, okay?
Buy from Iherb.com,
okay, Tongkat Ali, 400 milligrams, Freeze up testosterone.
I've discovered this herb in in Malaysia, in
my time in Malaysia.
The locals were using it. Who doctor Huberman
talks about this in Huberman lab. He's a
neuroscientist.
400 milligrams per day Tongkat Ali works wonders
for men. I recommend that 100%.
And other things if people need to talk,
they can, get to me. I'll I'll advise
them what they take. Vitamins, vitamin c, vitamin
d on a daily basis. Now 1,000 milligrams
of vitamin c should take about 4 to
5000, even 7000 sometimes. People play around, they
don't understand their intake. Forget about these,
whatever. People are taking all kinds of weird
stuff today, you know, from the stores and
thinking they're bulking up. It's all fake. All
these guys with their big muscles in the
gyms, it's all fake. A lot of it,
not all of it. My brother who passed
away,
okay, at 39, he was a,
a fitness trainer for Gold's Gym, one of
the greatest gyms, biggest gyms,
And he was telling me, Jabril, all these
guys are juicing up man, don't think that
their muscles are just like that. You want
to really build muscle, you gotta work really
hard man. It's not just like that. All
these guys
They're just juicing up, and he himself,
forgive me for not,
being able to to guide him to
But he himself passed at 39 because he
was juicing.
He was doing steroids
because men are insecure, they want to have
big muscles, they want to bump all these
guys appearing on Instagram
flexing all the time and this and that.
It's it's a, you know, you don't know
what's going on in behind. I've seen it,
but there are things you can do as
a man.
Okay? There's things you can do as a
man
to change that, and the wives just sometimes
have to just say hey look, I've heard
this lecture, I think it's important. But again,
see communication, right? Women are scared to communicate
because the guy is gonna be like, oh,
you're a bad woman now, you know, if
you're you're telling me to to lose some
weight or look better,
and I think this is not good. And
that's why I work with men a lot,
you know, women don't like me, They they
just say, oh, this guy's always hating on
women. He's talking about women.
No. I talk about men. I tell men
to man up and then women to when
it when it's when it's fair
to talk to women, I talk to women.
When it's fair to talk to men, I
talk to men. Both sides are not happy.
Well, it doesn't matter. I don't care. It's
not a big deal, but just listen at
least pay attention to what I say consider
it it might help you I don't know.
Now,
is * impermissible for women?
Not with *.
What is the proof? What are the negative
effects of those who are not married?
What if this is your alternative to ZYNEP?
Okay.
There's a there's a question right there.
So, yes, * is impermissible.
And the proof for that is the prophet
said that some people come on their judgment
with their hands pregnant.
So that is one of the hadith.
Okay? People can dispute and some of the
scholars have discussed,
but look in the end
it is
hadith is there.
Also said the zina of the hand, the
zina of the eye, the zina of the
hand, the zina of the eye.
Okay?
And of course, not even too much people
don't even use their hands anymore like it
goes into eyes. I saw I told you
women are talking about all kinds of stuff
and it's shameful because these hijabi women
who are on these Instagram accounts claiming that
their counselors and sexual therapists telling women how
to lose their own virginity and preparing for
marriage supposedly.
And
and please please please for God's sake sisters
stay away from that. Please for God's sake.
There's a reason why Allah created you the
way you are. There's a reason reason why
it's called consummation of marriage, yes even the
pain and problems and this and that there's
a reason.
Let's work on the night of marriage as
opposed to and losing your virginity before your
your marriage because of these sister counselors.
Please be careful for God's sake. So it
is impermissible not with *.
Yeah. Of course, obviously, * is is haram.
That's the proof.
Yeah. This
I don't know why my camera is acting
up. What is it today?
What are negative effects for women,
anyway?
Is is there a bit I think they're
deeper
because
the woman
creates images in her mind more than men.
Women can construct
certain fantasies much more complex than men.
And once she gets married,
it it affects the dopamine
threshold.
It will push it much higher.
So her husband will have a very hard
time to satisfy her and she's gonna probably
have to think about these things that she's
seen and I've we've dealt with clients like
that who are basically not able to enjoy
intimacy anymore
because they were, especially, see with the guys,
they'll have either erectile dysfunction
or performance anxiety
or premature *.
So then they get scared from * and
* like man, you know, we need to
fix this because I don't want to be
ashamed
on my marriage night. For women, there's no
physiological
immediate
evidence that something is wrong
and
another proof is that the brain changes is
the genres of * that women watch
or the things let's even they don't watch,
let's think that they just think about stuff
because you can't just I mean, if you
look at female psychology and the sexualities,
it doesn't work even if they're not watching
something, they're thinking of something. That's that's
almost 100%
sure.
It can be many many weird things I'm
not gonna get into it, okay? There's a
lot of studies on this,
but that is the reality.
So what happens is even if you're not
watching, you're thinking,
your brain cannot
process that information anymore. It needs to push
something more. So you're gonna have to think
about something else or it becomes more advanced.
What happens is when you actually get married
and you have intimacy, you're not going to
be able to actually climax. It's going to
be very difficult.
It's gonna be very, very difficult. So it
can really have a huge effect on on
women. Again, women, there's no noticeable
problem right away. So that's why a lot
of times it's even more dangerous for women
because they don't actually notice, hey. I don't
there's no problem.
I don't I don't have an issue. I
can just keep going.
And
I can go into obviously more,
information about this.
But if it's the only alternative to ZYN,
I mean,
like
like See, this is a very tricky question
like the lesser of 2 evils,
right? If a person really feels like okay
someone is like you're so close to committing
sinner,
very very close,
Then it is obviously it's a sin but
it is the lesser of 2 evils, no
doubt about it. But you see a lot
of times when people ask this question, it's
almost like a trick question so they can
justify to themselves to continue
what they are because only you know if
you're really really close to dinner,
okay? Only you know.
So this is definitely
but it is an alternative
or a lesser of 2 two evils
when it comes to, definite to zira.
Is it premise for a man to physically
force his wife to have
*?
Why would he force his wife to have
*?
Like, that's that's you know, I know people
talk about this whole called * and *
and even some brothers have commented on this.
Why would you even reach to that point?
Like, why would you reach the point we
have to force your wife? There's there's a
huge problem there.
There's huge problems. Come see me, please, if
you have that issue.
His spouse is kissing with tongues permissible.
Very much permissible. It's very nice to
to actually
do that.
Permissible. Yes.
Is it advice to bring your wife to
climax first?
Is there any advice Islamic class? Yes. It
is advice to bring your wife to climax
first,
if possible.
And one of the evidence that's used is.
Give more than what you receive basically or
do.
Right?
So and, of course, it's known that it
takes more time and, you know, so yeah.
That is something that it is.
It is advisable,
to do that.
For
Okay. Your very comprehensive
answers.
Very, very useful for everybody who's been listening
in. I think it will, you know, really
illuminate certain things for,
the people who sent these in and also
everybody watching.
So
for taking the time for that. We have
our next speaker on. I just thought I
would bring him on now because,
you have many ideas in common.
So baba ali is our next speaker guys.
So I thought I'd bring him on here
really quickly
just to give salaam to his brother before
he goes off, and then, Baba Ali takes
over. And he's got some big
some big, big stuff for the brothers,
This is mainly going to be for the
brothers
this
next talk. So, Baba Ali, if you're good
with your, video, you can come on.
How are you guys doing?
How are you doing, How are you? Hamdulillah.
How are you doing? What's going on? Nice
to see you again. Nice to see you.