Nadim Bashir – Fathers & Sons in the Quran #5 Do Not Tell Them

Nadim Bashir
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the use of Alay assumed in the Quran and the importance of understanding the Quran's use in context. They stress the need to address children with the best names and build relationships with children to protect them from negative consequences. The speakers also emphasize the importance of protecting oneself and avoiding siblings in order to avoid negative consequences.
AI: Transcript ©
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Law the

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nanny Mina most named me.

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Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah him Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge mine, I'm about to welcome to another segment of fathers and sons in the Quran, where we talk about and highlight the stories in the Quran where we have a conversation between the Father and the Son. Last week, we talked about Ibrahim alayhis salam and his conversation with his father. And we talked about that when you see your parents doing something wrong, wrong from a religious point of view, then how do you advise them? How what are the etiquettes that we have to keep in mind when advising our parents, today, we

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shift our focus to use of Alayhis Salam, the story of use of Adi Islam in his father sort of use of, and here, there's not of course a lot to talk about here, besides one particular idea in the Surah. Now, first of all, let's give let's try to understand sort of use of from a overall point of view. So the use of is a very interesting Surah as it is that because it talks about use of Adi Islam in the sutra as obviously, but there is no other place in the Quran that highlights the story use of Adi Islam. Yes, there are places in the Quran, where the name of use of is mentioned. But as far as his story is concerned, this is the only surah in the Quran that encompasses his entire story from

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beginning to end. Unlike the story of for example, Ibrahim RT get some unlike the story of Musa Islam, where their stories are scattered throughout the entire Quran. Secondly was also very important to understand about the surah is that this surah from beginning to end, the way Allah subhanho wa Taala has laid out the surah is very beautiful. In fact, I've come across and I have seen and I've even heard of many people in acquiring their PhD they have written a thesis on the seed of pseudo use of actually on the layout of pseudo use of rather than the aid of seed. And they have talked about the how amazingly there are several parts of the suit off and the first one is

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connected to the last one. The second one is connected to the second to last one and how symmetrically the sutra is structured. So this is the beauty of the Quran. More than anything else that how Allah subhanaw taala has revealed this Quran and how Allah subhanho wa Taala has structured the IoD and in what sequence he brings these ayat in, and this is the only way we can truly capture the essence of the Quran. The beauty of the Quran is when we study the Quran, and I just read the translation, a lot of times people feel like the only way we can understand the Quran is through the translation. And that is a very big misconception when I mean understanding the Quran, it means to

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dive into the Quran to study the Quran dive deep into the Quran. And the more we dive deeper just like when people want to find gems, where do they go they go into the depths of the oceans. Likewise, the deeper we go into the Quran, the more likely we will find inshallah gems. The time when the surah was revealed was as many automatics when was after the year of arm will husband after the year of grief. This was the year when Hadiya passed away, or the alota aha, this was also the year that abolish the beloved uncle, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam who was his social support. He also passed away and then not only that, but as I showed the alotta on her, she wants us Rasulullah

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sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that besides the day of our herd, is there any other day that you suffer the most? And a day that you remember? And it's in your mind that a day that we're you went through a lot of difficulties and challenges? And he said it he said I'm Yes, I Isha. It was a day, when I went to die for the day when I was leaving five And subhanAllah what the Prophet saw last time he went through. So this was overall a very difficult year for the time of the Prophet sallallahu it was setting them and so the reason why the swell was really at that time was to console the profit so long while you send them to give him constellation that there was a profit of the past. And now

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because the prime value son has lost his internal support and Khadija His external support in Abu Talib, now the people of Makkah his own brethren, his own family members, his own tribal people, now they're going to come against him, they're going to come after him. So Allah subhanaw taala by revealing sort of use of his

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Is consoling the property some in a way that use of it Islam, not only to he faced challenges from people of his community, but you had his own people, his own brothers, they went against him. They plotted to kill him. They plotted to exile him, and leave him in different land and so forth. And we all know that they've left him in a well, so Oh Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, look at the story of use of how he was treated as a child, how his own fat family, his own brothers, his own siblings, they turned against him. So oh Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when these people, they do the same thing with you. These are the stories of constellation, find constellation

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these stories, and hopefully you will find a solution for your problems. Now, one interesting thing that we find this very useful also is that in the very beginning, Allah subhanho wa Taala says in nutans, Allah who are an RB en La Jolla, Kentucky loan, that Allah subhanaw taala has revealed this to for us to understand, And subhanAllah when it comes to Word doc, you know, when it comes to the word Ockel, which means understanding, but Ockel when we talk about understanding, it comes because of four things, meaning that our minds and our understandings they develop, we become more smarter, we become more intelligent, when there are few things that we keep in mind. And for that to help you

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understand and to help you remember that I've come have come up with an acronym known as cake. I'm sure you all love to eat cake. Of course, I love cake too. But keep this in mind this concept of cake. C stands for consultation. C stands for consultation, the more we consult, the more we do shoot or with others, the more we ask others, the more our understanding will always increase. Number two is age, the more we age, of course, the more will become mature, the more our understanding develops. K stands for knowledge, the more we acquire knowledge, the more we will understand about things around us. And number and last one, which is E is experience. The more we

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deal with people, the more we work with other people, you know, we always talk about, you know, parents always say to their children that I have more experience, we have more experience and no doubt they have more experience. But experience comes from when you the more you interact with other people, there are going to be some times when people are going to shortchange you. And you learn from that, and that there are going to be times when people they treat you well you learn from those kinds of experiences. So cake, do keep that in mind is very, very essential. Now coming to the story of the part of the story of us falling yourself, or you have a conversation between Jacobo Alayhis

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Salam and the use of it yourself. So you thought to yourself, as we all know, he sees a dream 11 stars making suju to him. And you have one a sun and a moon of which represent his parents, father and mother also making sujood to him. And so when he sees this, he comes to his father and the father Jacoba you Sam says yeah, buena. Yeah, first of all, he addresses his son as my dear son. And in this, there's a lesson for all fathers, that when you talk to your children, try not to use any kind of derogatory terms. You know, subhanAllah today we hear in many cultures to you know, we find that the way parents and sometimes fathers, penis fathers have like this demand, and they have this,

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they want their child to succeed, and so forth. And we understand that, but at the same time, there's a certain way you have to address your children. One is that you address your children by their by their names, that's absolutely fine. But using derogatory terms, using terms that are very known in our culture, to put someone else down and to use that, when we refer to our children, is not going to really instill confidence in them, but it's going to destroy their confidence. And more than anything else, is going to really develop a disrespect between a father and a son. That's why fathers have to always address their children with the best names. Now here, he says, yeah, booni,

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Allah, Topo Sousou IACA either hortica for your key, do like a Qaeda, that do not inform your brothers about your dream, because if you tell them, they will create a big plot against you. And so he says that in order to protect us by the sun, this is the advice that Jacoba ism has given. Now, of course, there's so many things that we can learn from this idea. And as fathers because this is a series of fathers and sons, what can fathers do in order to build that relationship with their children? So these are few things I want to cover, first of all, is that the importance of building up a relationship, such a relationship with your children, that whenever they have any issues, then

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they can come to you. This is one of the biggest challenges that today parents have. When they when I come across parents in many cases who have teenage children. A lot of times they say that my child is not willing to open up to him

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Knee. And perhaps when you sit down with a child, they will tell you that the reason why we don't open up to our parents is because either number one, they will lose their mind or they will lose their control. Or they will lose control of their anger when they hear what we are what we have to present. And what's important to understand is that look, brothers, and especially fathers who are who grew up overseas,

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you grew up in a certain way, your children growing up in America or growing up in a certain way, what we have to understand is that the challenges that we would face or face or fathers would face, those are not the same challenges that our children are facing. So when your children do come to you, yes, it might be something that you would have never ever done when you were young. But to understand that our kids are facing different types of challenges today, when they come to you. And they ask you questions, perhaps for example, like I know that when you're overseas, there's a sort of a culture that has been created overseas, that you do not even ask questions, how many times you

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have been to a masjid and you can ask the Imam a questions very hearty. Do you find that? Even if you do want to ask questions, for example, if there's something that's part of your deen, and you have a question, or part of you have a question regarding it, then many people are afraid of asking because if I do ask, I'm going to receive criticism from the Imam, I'm going to receive criticism from my family. And there's going to be other people who are going to doubt me, and they're going to say that you are losing your email simply over asking a question. That's it. But in America, and especially in the Western countries, that's not the case. We always say that asking questions will

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help you understand. And we do always advocate that you should do ask questions. And there's one where there's one call asking a question, and there's one called objecting to something. And a lot of times when these children are asking, they're not objecting. See, what we have understood is that asking is similar to objecting. So you're not asking but rather you're objecting to then what we have to understand is that these are two separate matters. So when our children do come to us, and perhaps they may ask us about something about our deen. And they may even ask us a difficult question regarding the that we may not even have an answer, rather than shutting them down. Rather

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than telling them that you're losing your iman, give them confidence, tell them that you know what, that is an amazing question. That's a good question. Let's go as someone who knows, but even if they come to you regarding other personal problems, that instead of putting them down, give them confidence, try to provide solutions here use of here Jacoba, you Sam is not telling his son, that oh, you know what, let me just shun you to the side. He's giving you a solution. And that's one thing that a lot of times we don't provide to our children is solutions. We will sit there and we will nitpick and we will criticize and criticize, but very seldomly, very rarely do we provide

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proper solutions, not even just a solution that for example, if there's an issue, just pray to the consulate and it will be taken care of No, there has to be a practical solution. Yes, Tulika solid, asking Allah making dua to Allah is one of the is part of the solution. But it's not the entire solution. So this is something very important is that we have to create, or we have to strengthen our relationship with our children to such an extent that they understand that whenever I have a problem, I know that if I go to my parents, then they will not they will not flip out or they will not lose their minds. So how do I know I know families that the child brought, you know, they

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brought the subject matter of marriage to their parents, and the parents didn't shut it down right away. They were not even willing to listen to the child. On the other hand, you have families where the son came to the Father and says, I found a suitable girl, she was she mashallah has emaan, she has tequila, she takes care of her Dean, I know that, you know, and I have done istikhara, what do you think about it, and the parents have given in right away because they realize that if I shut my son down now, at this point, he perhaps will go and he will find a way to get the Nikka done. So rather, let me give my support to him. Let me be with him in this matter. And so how do they have

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shown their support? And that's what we have to do. So so we create an atmosphere in our families, that if there's anything our children want to talk to us about, then they can come to us and talk to us about it. Another thing that here Jacoba Newsom is teaching his son about is the concept of jealousy. Now, here, he's telling him, you probably get some that your brothers are jealous of you. But what we need to also understand is that we need to always teach our children about what jealousy is. See, first of all, is that our kids, we have to teach them. What is jealousy. What is the feeling of jealousy? Sometimes we may see our kids that they feel jealous, and we see this being

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manifest in the way they behave they might be talking about

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A friend of theirs, they might be talking about someone else. And as parents, we can see that they're jealous rather than taunting them for that, rather than highlighting that, oh, you're jealous about to such and such person, rather sit down with them and tell them that first of all, what is the concept of jealousy? What is our deen tell us about jealousy and that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam tells us law hassad elaphiti and attain that there are there is no hustle, there is no jealousy. Yes, envy is is okay. There is a HIPAA HIPAA is allowed, and has said we have teach our children is that you want that person to be deprived without blessing that is not allowed in our

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deen rather than if that is where you want that person to have that blessing. But you want that blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala for yourself also, with that without that person being deprived? That's absolutely fine. You should ask Allah subhanaw taala for their blessing. There's nothing wrong with it. But that is what we need to teach our children. What is jealousy? How do you curb that jealousy? We have to teach our children that there are going to be other people who might be jealous of you. How do you protect yourself. And this is once again this is what you have to buy you some is teaching his child that Be careful that how your brothers can be jealous of you. Now,

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one thing that we learned from this is that Jacoba his son was a very intelligent father, extremely intelligent father. And what he understands is that has said is something that can destroy people, he understands this. So you tell yourself not to not to tell your brothers about the dream, but even Subhan Allah later into the story in order to protect his own children. He gave his advice that when you go to Egypt, later the Holloman Barbin wa heathen what the Holloman, Abu Dhabi Metallica, and Allah says we don't understand this, that what does this mean? He tells his children that when you enter into the courts, and when you enter into the palace of the king, then make sure you enter

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through different doors do not enter through one gate or one door. And a lot of times we don't understand the what is the nuance behind this, what's the, what's the essence behind this Jacoba Your son is telling his children that when you go and if you were to enter through one door, this will catch the attention of other people. And at that time, unlike today, today, many people they have two children, three children at the most four children at times, but a long time ago in the time we actually use time, they would want more and more children. I mean, there are many families that we will come across that time that will have children, probably between 15 and 20 children and

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that was absolutely normal. And they will pride themselves on this. So yeah, I'm saying that when you all go your 12 children when you go, then be careful, all of you enter through different through different doors. Because if someone sees that all of you are coming through the same door, someone's going to catch on that you all are brothers, and they're going to have hustled against you and against our family, and has said someone else's has said can destroy you to someone else's house, it can hurt you too. That's why protect yourself. And what we learned from this also is that it's very important that number one, as parents, we don't always I understand and be let me be honest here.

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And I went I'm going to be I'm going to try to be trying to make this as clear as I can. I understand as parents, you boast about your children, you're so proud. When your child is able to achieve something amazing. That's absolutely fine. For you to be happy, no problem. But be careful that when you talk about your children in front of others, when you keep on boasting about my child does this and my child does that Subhanallah you find people that they will boast and that's fine, you're happy about it, there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong and you being happy about it. But what you have to understand is there might be someone else, they may not be in your

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situation, and then they're going to have hasit against you. So for not for you. This is not about you. This is more about other people. And so when you have someone who says that you know what, I have one son who's a doctor, I have one son, who's an attorney, I have one, I have one daughter, who's also another doctor, or you know you have people who say I have four sons, or I have four children, all the more doctors and so forth. First of all, I pray that whatever your children are doing, may Allah bless you may Allah bless them. I'm your blood, I mean, but be careful wherever you go. And whenever you talk about this, there might be someone else who might have hustled against

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you. So first of all, that's the very first thing we have to keep in mind. Number two is that today we live in a digital age at age of social media. And what happens is that today, everyone has a habit of putting everything up online. So if you're going somewhere for vacation, people put up on Facebook or when you go somewhere, you put it up on you put it on your Instagram account, or on your Facebook account or your Twitter account or whatever it is. But what happens that what we don't realize is once again, it's not about you, you

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We're having a good time, may Allah bless you. But at the same time, when you keep on putting up these kinds of things on your social media post, there might be someone who's watching this, and then they're gonna start having hazard against you. And so that's why it's very important that what we post on our social media accounts is also very important. If you want to share like a hadith Go ahead, because you're not only benefiting yourself, this is sort of a southpaw, jatiya. In one way, you share a good Hadith with someone, someone follows it, someone practices it, someone shares it with others, whoever does it, you'll get the reward for it inshallah. But that's not where Hassan is

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going to be has it is that when you're going some other places when you have when you bought something, when you just bought, for example, a new house, a new car, and you're going to put it up, put it up on social media right away, remember, you're going to catch the attention of some other people, and for the person. Now this is for the person who has been given a blessing by Allah subhanho wa taala, for the person who is on the other end. And when you see other people having a blessing, then remember that always ask Allah subhanaw taala, just like Allah gave that person Allah can give you too, there is no need to have hustled against someone else. Now, the next thing that's

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also very important is that he gave, some gave us advice to avoid sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry is something that many families they have to, you know, of course, they come across, especially this happens more when the children that grow up, they become competitive, and that's fine. becoming competitive is part of life. That happens with people outside the family, it can happen within the family, too. But what's important is that, as parents, especially as fathers, to create an environment in the house, where you don't give this feeling to someone, or you don't give the feeling to one child or to the entire family that I had, like one child, and one child is superior

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over all the other and that one child is better than everyone else, we have to make sure that we do not create that kind of vibe inside the family SubhanAllah. I've come across that where you find families that they will give one child and they will deprive all the other child or when it comes to that one child, then they will talk so highly about that child. But when the other children are talked about, they you know, the parents that of course, the parents they love their children is not about the love is talking about. We're talking about favoritism, we're talking about giving preference to one over the other normal, no matter even Bashir or the Allahu Anhu. He mentioned that

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my father went to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he said, You Allah, so Allah, I want to give my son know a man a gift. And I want your blessing. I want your blessings. And I want you to be part of this. And he says that he tells a father don't mind machine, are you going to give the same gift to all your children, or just only one. And he says only into that one. And he says, I don't want any part of it. Think about this, the province has some is seeing that this man this father, he is he is favoring one over the rest. He's getting one a gift over the rest. And the problem is, as somebody who's saying to this person, I want no part of this blessing. I'm not

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willing to give you my blessing. So brothers, especially fathers, when you especially when you see your kids growing up, and you see your kids competitive, it's very important that you as a father, you set the foundation in the family, that you love everyone very equally, and appreciate every single child in your family, every person, whatever they're doing, appreciate them. Give them confidence, give them advice, show them that you love them. Because will lie if there is one thing that breaks apart families, especially after parents they pass on is the initial sibling that the the sibling rivalry that took place, especially if a father has shown favoritism to one over the

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other, he's given one a gift and he has deprived the rest. Then when these children they grow up and the parents have passed on, these kids are not going to be connected to one another. I know that every parent they want their children to be close. When they when they pass on, they always tell their children that take care of your brothers and sisters, be connected be united. But if a parent or if both parents are going to create environment inside the house, then they have no one to blame but themselves. And they must understand that if this is the kind of environment they're creating, when they pass on, there is absolutely no way that your children are going to be united, your

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children are going to work with each other rather they're going to go against each other. So this is something that's extremely important. Brothers and sisters, especially fathers and mothers in this situation, that if when it comes to for example assets, make sure your distribute your assets very equally. Now, of course we're not talking about if you pass on then of course the wealth gets distributed in the Islamic way by if

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In your life, if you're gonna give a gift to one, you make sure you are fair across the board. It does not matter whether they are son or even their daughters. A lot of times in some cultures, they say, let me give it to my son, my daughter is going to get eventually married and she'll move on to someone else's family. I don't want to give her know, if you're going to give to one, you give it to everyone else, you have to be fair. Now, the next thing that we also learn is the importance of consultation here. Yeah. Are you salaam are usually some has come to him to receive his consultation, and he's giving his consultation. So what's important to understand is that we always

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teach our children as I said earlier to, we always teach our children that whenever you have any matter in life, one is to go to your friends and get their consultation. But one is to go to someone who is an experienced person, a person who has wisdom, a person who is little older, a person who may understand these things better go to them for a consultation Subhanallah the last thing that we learned from this entire story is that Jacoba used as a father, he understands that my son, he's in a position that where one day, I will have to go, and I will have to make sudo to him. And Jacoba you Islam, he's putting aside See, I thought that this shows that my son is superior in one way. Now

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he's put, he's going to put down his son, but no, he he elevated his son. And not only that, but after we learned to so this shows that first of all, is that Yaqoob I think Islam, he had no husband in his heart, because that is what a parent is, at the end of the day, when you see your children's accomplishments. Of course, you have to show that you're happy about it. But we also learned that when his sons, they, they left us in the well, and they came back. What did you say? What do you actually some do? Did he yell at them? What did you do? He simply said for soberano? Jimmy, I will be patient. And this patient is going to be very beautiful for me and Shala today and tomorrow. But

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what we learn from this is that when you see your children doing something absolutely wrong, rather than a lot of times, patience is not about patience. It's not about that you just leave it. I want to make that very clear. It's not that you're just letting it go. Patience is that you're trying to rethink that. How do you want to overcome this particular situation? And how should you deal with the situation. So you may stay quiet in the very beginning. And that will be the best course of action to stay quiet. As soon as you hear the bad news or you hear your child has done something to stay remain calm. Because at that time your child might be looking in support, you might be looking

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forward to you for support. If you come out at him, and you are yelling at them and screaming at him, then what you're going to do is you're going to distract your child away from you. That's why it's very important that here in the story, use follies and we find that this conversation that took place between Jacoba yourself and the other brothers of use of it has some Jacoba you Sam he chose to be patient, he chose to pray to Allah subhanho wa taala. And they knew that my our father is not is not buying into our story. He does not believe our story. So they get the message right away that we are not able to make a fool out of our father at the same time. Jacoba who saw me saying let me

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be patient about this. But he never yet he never yelled he never lashed out at them. Because a lot of times that may not be the solution. Getting upset and yelling may not be necessarily the solution. Sometimes yes, we lose our we lose our control. We may yell at times, but a lot of times it's very important to sit down and just logically talk to your children about the particular matter. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to give us ability to learn from the stories of fathers and sons. These conversations these beautiful conversations that we find in the Quran. May Allah subhanaw taala give us ability to apply all these beautiful teachings in our life. I mean nobody I

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mean does akmola hate Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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in Mussolini now almost Lima de one meaning Mina team will quantity now look on it that he was slowed in pain. I was logged in Ponte one saw DT now was Fabiola anyone for sharing you know

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what unfortunately no one was watching I think one downside the lino one downside the party was on me now was all in.

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Wouldn't have you Lena photo gentleman wouldn't have been a lot. It was good enough long I guess.

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What's going on? I don't know hula hoop

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Gentleman Eileen.

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