Creating Harmonious Home Environments
Channel: Musleh Khan
File Size: 35.61MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah he sallallahu alayhi wa ala early he was Herbie he he marine
or Beshara him surely surgery why a silly Emery wash LuLaRoe determinedly, certainly if Coco poli, my brothers and sisters,
my topic for you is really to figure out
in ways methods and avenues of how to create a beautiful and a harmonious environment in the home.
I'd like to start off by saying to all of you, that's not going to happen.
Great job, but it's not gonna happen.
If you have problems in your home,
then you're not alone. You are never alone.
Because if you look at your Islamic history, you'll find that there were prophets and messengers that also had problems in their home. If you have children that are out of control, then the first thing that should come to your mind is the story of Surah Yusuf and what the brothers did to that did to him.
If you have problems with your husband, then you think about us era, the Allahu anha and her husband and what he did. If you have problems with your wife, then you start to think about a yo Barney Salaam and his wife, Luthor, Alayhis Salam and his wife. And if you generally have a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, then you always think of our Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
problems in a home.
Allah azza wa jal said, it's going to be there, you can't do anything about it, it's going to come. That's why in Quran twice Allah told you why Allah mu and Nama and why look on what Allah
Allah tells you in Quran, have knowledge and understanding that in your wealth, and in your children.
Allah says Your children are fitna it's a real powerful word to use, there are a trial for you, it's not going to be easy to care for them. Now, the kids, I'm going to come to you a little bit later. But for now, I'd like to start off in sha Allah with raising a few concerns that based on my own experience, based on my knowledge and understanding what I think are some of the problematic areas that's caused our homes to lose that stability, to lose that harmony and that comfort that we so desire. And like today, when you consider the explosion of information, when you consider what children are exposed to, when you consider this gap that's getting bigger and bigger between family,
parents and their children. You have to start to wonder, it's not about their Deen anymore, there's something even deeper, more complicated, that's causing these children to be the way they are, or it's causing parents to not understand what parenting really is. So I want to start off in sha Allah, and raise my first concern with you.
And we're going to speak to all of the mothers and fathers here. So children, I'm going to take care of you later in sha Allah, but for now, Allah azza wa jal started with the parents. So I'm going to start with the parents as well.
The first point,
the first point that I believe is creating this instability in our families today, in this day and age, and has to be
that we don't understand our culture anymore. When I say culture, I'm not talking to you about the culture of where you came from. If you came from Pakistan, or India or Somalia or the West Indies or wherever that is, I'm not talking about that culture. I'm talking about the culture that you're currently in and breathing and living at this moment. You see, the reason why this is such a huge problem.
Is the first thing culture is permissible and halal. Always. Unless if one thing happens if that culture starts to break the rules and guidelines of your religion. That's why
Use a stop.
So if your child comes up to you and says, Mom, I want Nutella for dinner
and you're making whatever nice potatoes and chicken and stews and all that sort of thing. And your child's like, no, no, I want ice cream for dinner. What you have to understand how you don't encourage it'd be like okay, well, the most left side I got to understand your culture Bismillah what I'm trying to say to you is this mindset and this mind frame that they have, their process of thinking is not healthy anymore. Why? Because the culture around them every single corner you travel wherever you go in the society, you're gonna see a fast food joint. If you don't see it, they're they're being fed with it at school. Everywhere you go, they've been plugged with this mentality
that this is who they are. So the culture now, remember, I said to understand the culture, not necessarily agree with it. Just understand why your child is thinking this way. If your child can't see the beauty of their deen and can see or appreciate the knowledge that you're trying to give them you as a parent every single day you keep pounding on your child, you keep telling them come and pray wake up for Fajr wear your hijab dress properly do this do that and your child is just like yes, yes, inshallah inshallah yoga, whatever, and they don't change. The culture plays a huge role in this a huge problem in this. And how do you deal with this problem? Four out of Canada, we
understand the problem from our DOA. So how do you fix it? The first thing, we as parents, after we understand what our children, what they're thinking, what they're breathing, how they look, and how they dress, why they're doing all of these things. This is the time to start attacking the problems. This is the time that if you see her jeans are a little too tight, you know what you do? You tell your child go upstairs right then and there. And you tell her to change. And if she doesn't want to change, you know what you do next, you grab a scissors,
dot dot, dot, dot. You know what to do with those pens right? Take control of your home. And this is especially important for the fathers. Allah has Silla justice wotja Anna Mukta Pina Imam, Allah azza wa jal made you imams in your home, you're the Imam of your house, your gemera and your congregation is your children and your family, you as the father who are in charge to make sure that if you see one of your children, if you see your wife slip off the bridge of this deem the bridge of Islam, they start to slip off you as the father, Allah made you the Imam to get them back on the bridge, you see that your child is struggling, you start seeing that your child is changing. And they're
just like, well, I'm Canadian. Now I can just kind of be the way I want. Embrace it. But set rules, embrace it, but set rules. Because remember, culture is not a bad thing. It's okay, if she prefers burgers and fries overnight and roti, it's okay. It's not a big deal. Why would you make something like that's such a big deal? It's okay, if they want to wear some colors, and not wear the black or the dark colors all the time. It's okay. Let them have the set rules, especially the Father. So the first thing is that cultural gap number two, the second point.
Now this is gonna sound pretty weird when I say it, put away the Haram stick
gets out of commando mode. And I'll give you an example. If you see your child, it comes home one day,
and they're on their phone and they're texting and they're just going like a machine. And it's dinnertime and they still keep going keep going keep going. Now you as the parent, you say stop. Now it's family time. That's haram, you don't do that.
This is a mistake. Not in what you want to accomplish for the child but the method that you're going through with that child. If you see your child is doing something wrong, and you walk up to your child and you say don't do that It's haram. What you're doing is you're basically you're in commando mode now. The moment you see something is wrong, you attack it immediately. That's not good wisdom. Let me tell you how you do this. Let me tell you how. Based on how our Shetty on how our Dean teaches us to discipline.
The first thing you have to do is that if you want your child
out appreciate good lessons and good information. It requires effort. Don't just keep yelling, this is haram don't just keep telling them you're going to the hellfire, if you do that, sit down with your child. You see, one of the problems that we have as parents today is we become very lazy with our children, we become very lazy with them. It's either because we're busy with our own lives,
or we just don't put the effort to spend time and understand what your children are going through. You know, you'll be very surprised, especially if you have children that are going to school right now, whether that's high school or college,
you'll be very surprised if you take a moment and sit down.
And you don't even have to formalize it. You guys are probably in the car driving somewhere. And you just ask your child, how was school today? What did you study today? You will look a little bit down what's wrong? What's up what's going on with you. If you show a little bit of concern about your child and what they're feeling and what they're doing, you'll be very shocked to know that they are ready to unload an entire beast on you an entire ocean of problems. I'm not too sure how many of you have gone into a high school recently. But if you walk into a high school today, and somebody like myself, last time I was in high school was like in the early 1800s. And back then, when you when you
go into a high school back then I remember when I saw someone with a cell phone. I honestly thought that this was like the worst thing ever. Oh my goodness, that person's carrying a phone. That's just for adults only. Phone is not a big deal. Now you become a fitna if you don't have a phone, if that makes any sense. You don't have any fear Allah, what's wrong with you? That's what happens. Now, the pressures, the point I'm trying to make is that the pressures that children have today is beyond this world. It's beyond our imagination. Spend time with your children. I'll prove this to you in Quran. You guys all know the answer to this. You remember the advice of Lachman? Rhodiola one he
told his son you know don't commit shelduck Don't associate with Allah. And he told him to pray and to be kind and so on. How did each of his advice begin? He called his son yeah Boonie
Yabu name is literally saying Oh my beloved child.
And then when he gave the child the command, so he started very soft, very subtle. He didn't say oh you furniture piece of thing in my house. Listen to what I have to say. said Oh, my beautiful young child. My daughter. You look so beautiful today my daughter You look so handsome today my son. You look like a you know you look so handsome. You look so good today Masha, Allah come, I want to talk to you. So look, man, he brings his son and he says, luck to sherek Biller, and then the first continuous in a ship kilovolt Monaldi. And you guys know this right? He says to his son, don't commit shirk. And then he explains to his son why he didn't just pull out a haram stick and said
don't come to church. So I'm on equal. Didn't leave them with that. He said to him, this is haram. This is wrong. And this is why
now and I honestly believe even till this day, most children, they don't have this. And like I said, Children, I'm going to come to you in a moment. And I'm going to tell you how you you have to appreciate this kind of discipline, whether it's happening to you or not, but we as parents have to have some effort. Spend some time when you try to understand children spend some time explaining why things are there. You know, last night in Ottawa, my last lecture was titled Why Islam? Because children today don't know why they should be Muslim. That's why you have today, believe it or not, if you're not aware of that this is a phenomenon that's happening right now. In our own Muslim
communities. You'll find a child that will grow up and he will memorize Quran and he would be leading you in taraweeh. And inside of his heart, he's doubting Islam completely. He doesn't know why he should be Muslim.
I can tell you students that are like this at this very moment, who lead us in prayer and then they've left
Islam completely. they've memorized the entire Quran and can't understand why they did the number three.
The third point,
parents pay attention to the signs that your children are in trouble. Pay attention to the signs that your children are in trouble. What are some of those signs? Those of you who are writing, you can write this down. Those of you who are not pull out your body minds right now and memorize
some of the things to look out for
isolation from the family. Your child comes home from school, they walk straight upstairs into the room, and you don't see them for another two, three hours. You start to see this gap, this absence from them. They don't want to mingle with the family as much anymore. Pay attention to the signs. Even Allah azza wa jal tells you to do this several times in Quran, you know, this is why we have these rhetorical questions in Quran where Allah azza wa jal will say, I find that that peed on it felt that I felt karoun of Allah to the Quran, don't you think? Don't you ponder? Aren't you somebody that's blessed with common sense, Allah is telling you use your common sense. If you see
your child, you know, he picks up or let's just say your child goes out late at night. 1112 o'clock at night, your child leaves the house. Don't be oblivious, don't put yourself into superficial word and be like, no, no, no, my child is going to pray pm will lay even though it's okay. He's not going to. And he comes back at 4am. And his eyes are all you know, bloodshot red. Oh, that was because he was crying all night in front of Allah
doesn't pay attention to the signs. So what's your first one, this is a real common problem in a lot of Muslim homes, is your child starts to isolate themselves from you. One of the biggest problems while white children do this is because of multimedia. It's because of their cell phone. You know, we live in a time of consumerism. It's a time where people they feel empowered, they feel stronger, they feel better, depending on what kind of device they get. That's why when the next iPhone comes out, or the next Samsung comes out, what happens to you, you start to look at the next product and you're like, Man, I wish I had the that's what I want to feel you somehow feel empowered when you
upgrade to another and better gadget. So then the kid goes to the iPhone store. And then when he comes out and he's gone from the iphone four to the our iPhone five, he holds the iPhone, he's like a hamdulillah the
Praise be to Allah that Allah has given me life after I was dead.
Because he's got the iPhone, now he's gone from four to five now. So these are the problems. Parents, if you see your children sitting in front of a computer, or they're always on their phone, no, they're not sending out Hadith to their friends. No, they're not sitting there writing up an essay or some Islamic topic and trying to post it or create their own blog post about those issues. Know that your friend that your child is probably speaking to someone
and sharing all of their problems to that individual, that person. And that person may be saying to your child, take off that hijab, you look so old. Why do you have to keep praying five times a day, just go in your room, and then your parents will think you're praying, just forget about it.
Stay in tuned and know when your children are not around. Don't be in the kitchen and just keep calling and calling and calling their name. Get up and get into the room and get your children out. You're in charge fathers Allah made you the man mothers, you're the ones that are in charge, you take control and be there and get those children out from that isolation. The second sign to pay attention to
is an extreme shift in their moods. One minute, they're happy. But the moment they don't get their way they just flip they go into some sort of extreme anger you know, are Shetty a divides anger into certain levels. So they just go from that natural state of anger that we all have. And they just jumped to an extreme level of anger. They Storm Out the door that don't want to listen to you. They start saying things to you that you don't if you can't ever repeat it in your life. You as a parent, you're hearing your child talk to you and you're thinking to yourself
I come from, where I was born, how I grew up. I could it would literally be life and death to me if I spoke to my parents that way, why is my child doing this, pay attention to those mood swings to those change in their behavior, when they're with you, and you're sitting in the car and you're playing poker and for your child, your child has, oh, starts to bring up a conversation wants to distract, doesn't want to listen to the Quran doesn't want to say they don't want to listen to it, but they start distracting. They don't want that their pay attention to this. Do you see what's happening so far, brothers and sisters, a Muslim has to have some level of common sense and
intelligence to be a good parent, you have to understand at least basic fundamentals and logistics of what it takes to be a good parent. The third sign that I want to share with you
is the lack of appreciation for family values. You set rules in the house, your child doesn't care. Your child says to you, I'll be home at so and so time I'm going to be unfinished from school, I'll be home at four or five o'clock, seven o'clock, your child hasn't come home yet. You set rules that this is dinner time, I want you to come down and have dinner with us. Your child takes the plate of food and he walks up to the stairs and he goes into his room and he closes the door and he has dinner Enos in his room, I realized the dilemma that because of our work schedules, we may not always have that opportunity to sit as a family and enjoy a nice meal. All I'm saying to us when you
do have that opportunity, don't let it go parents, Allah gave you the skills, or else you wouldn't have been parents, Allah see something good in you, or else you wouldn't have been parents, Allah gave you these children. We don't have children based on what we do and how we feel. Allah azza wa jal decides who shall have children and who shouldn't. So the next point, and this is the last one that I want to share with you from a parental perspective. And that is parents
be an example. Be an example for your children. You know, your child may come up to you very soon. And say to you that I want to go to the graduation or to the prom.
And if you say to them, no. And your child still goes anyway, then you have to start thinking Did you let your child go to all those dances and the outings from grade nine till 12. You let your child do all of those little things. Now the grand finale, you stop them, it's not going to work. You let your child wake up every day to dress the way they want to dress, any desire that they want. You gave it to them, if they wanted the latest gadget, you gave it to them. If they wanted a car, you know, they're not responsible, but you still bought it for them. And then you realize that your child is bringing the wrong people in the car going in the wrong places using the gadgets for the
wrong things. And then you say no, this is haram Stop it, I don't want you to do it. It's not going to work. You have to set an example for your children. And the example is, if you want your child to pray, you start praying, if you want your child to dress modestly, you start dressing modestly. If you want your child to appreciate family values than you yourself, have to make sure that those family values are encrypted and instilled in that family. Children.
Children learn well mount Dora qumola, Willard,
There is so much to say about this topic of kids today. And it's not necessarily because they're bad people. Kids are born with good intentions. They're born as good people. They're not furniture that we just move around and we treat them like they're, they're good people. And I have found you know, people always say, you know, brother Muslim, you're so good with the youth. They have no idea that I am far away from the youth in terms of age. I'm a lot older than people think I am. But the reason why I may have had some success with kids is because I tried to sympathize and understand what their problems are. It's so complicated today. Peer pressure is so complicated today. their environment
and their problems have become so complex that you as parents, the most complex thing in your life, probably where you grew up is if you didn't wake up on time to get to the farm or to walk
To the school or to do the chores, and then get to your the rest of your day, that was the most complex thing in your life. Children don't have those things anymore.
So for children, now I'm going to address you. Because regardless what I say about the parents and how much problems they may have, the real problems are you. And I'm going to be very frank, the real problems are coming from you, the children, and I'll show you how, one of the first problems that I think the children, you need to get it, and you need to understand it is that parents are here to stay. Your mothers and fathers aren't going anywhere. So that authority that you have in front of you of people telling you don't do this, and don't do that children, you have to respect and understand that they are there in the home and they're gonna stay there. They're not going anywhere.
The second thing is you have to understand when parents tell you children, when parents tell you don't do these things, it's not because they want to ruin your life they want good for you. You ask any parent, they're not gonna say yeah, I just told them not to go because I really want to see him depressed.
It's not gonna happen. They're just gonna say I want my child to be more practicing. I want my child to go to the masjid. I want my child to be in the home and be safe. I don't want them outside lurking in the middle of the night. I want them to be here. They just want good things for you. And you know, something, children. One day, Allah azza wa jal will make you a parent. And you're gonna have your own kids one day. And when you have your own kids, your child may come up to you one day and say, Daddy, I'm gonna go to the store and buy milk. Yeah, right. You don't even know what milk is, I'm gonna go to just gonna go, I really want to help out groceries, your child's gone for three
and four hours. But because you have your own children, you're gonna be more strict with them. Because those were the same tricks that you played with your parents. So you're not going to tolerate it from your own kids. You're gonna be more strict. Why? Because you want good for your children. You want the same things that your parents wanted for you, your mother's sitting right here. It was life and death for her when she was giving birth to you. Your father is sitting right here. And every single day, he has to put his life on the line to work and sustain a good family. Every single day. He's battling the weather, the streets, the people, the society, the pressure.
He's battling the economy's battling wages, he's doing everything just to make ends meet. Why? Because when that child comes up to him and says, Daddy,
can I have $5 so that I could go and buy some snacks? The father can be very proud. said yes, here, my child. Yes, you can have.
That just wasn't good for you. Why is it so difficult for us children to understand that? Why is it that you don't see that good in your parents anymore? It's like as if parents have become this huge barrier, this huge wall in front of you that the moment this wall starts to get closer and closer to you, they start to tap into your life trying to figure you out or try to talk to you, you start resisting and pushing this wall further and further and further. But I use wall.
You know why say wall, because eventually this wall will get closer and closer and closer, until you can push it anymore.
The only time that that wall will stop getting closer to you is that if it collapses, and that's when your parents are gone.
And that's when your parents are gone. And you're going to sit there. And you're going to be burying your mother or burying your father. And you're going to sit there and say to yourself, Oh, my goodness, how could I have done this to them? My goodness, my father wanted me to come with him wanted me to spend time with him, just so that I can have that fatherly son relationship and I let it slip right out of my hands. You're the one that's going to end up crying for the rest of your life. That parent is now gone from you. So appreciate the presence of your parents. They're here and they're here to stay. They're not going anywhere. And let me tell you children, you need this kind
of authority over you. You need that kind of discipline over you. The second thing children that I want you to understand
is, you know this topic, I must have talked about it 100 times, but this topic can never be exhausted. And this is the last point in sha Allah that I will leave you with. And that is children.
Sift out your friends. Sift out your friends, from your true friends. Get out those people who you call friends and keep the ones who are your true friends.
Now let me tell you what I'm talking about. One of the names of friends in Quran is Sadiq Khan or Sadiq Khan. Another name that represents friendship in Quran is wali Yan. Another name is Jaime moon. Now, Sadiq Khan, I'll come to that in a moment. When a human it's the kind of friend that's a protective friend over you always looking out for you. It's the friend that when they see you do something wrong, they kind of stop you until you look don't do that. They're always looking out for you trying to make sure that things are okay.
But the willie one thing about that's interesting about this term in terms of how you use it in friendship, that sometimes the willie that kind of friend can be very judgmental. So if you start to change or you start to fall down, they may not necessarily be there because they're like, this guy is too weak. This guy doesn't have what it takes, and they will abandon you. Then you have the Hemi mon kind of friend, the hammy mon friend the word Hemi, mon. It means that intimate close friend that you share secrets with. You share secrets with then you have the Saudi
the Saudi Arabia is the kind of friend that we want. The Saudi is a word that you all know it comes from Sid Pon said code means the truth the Sadiq is your true friend. If you fall down, that friend never judges you. If you start wearing your hijab, that friend never judges you, they accept you for who you are. If you stop and you start doing the wrong things in your life, that friend doesn't abandon you and leave you alone. They're always there for you. That's why Abu Bakr Radi Allahu Allah and he got the title acidic, or one of the reasons why he was a true friend to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he believed when the prophesy Salam went for that Israa and Mirage, he
said if he said it, I believe it. Why? Because I'm a true friend to him. That's why everywhere they went they held hands Majan holding hands with your friends today.
In La he was in a garage.
They held hands why? That was the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Saudi UK, the true friend, children, who is your true friend. And I guarantee you if you start to look at your friends, this way, you'll start to sift out most of the people that are around you, it's the friends that are destroying your kids. It's the friends that's causing you to hate your parents. It's the friends that's causing you to hate your life. It's the friends that's causing you to give up. It's causing you to be the worst of the worst. It's causing you to lose respect for authority for system for rules for everything in your life. You start losing it, start changing the companions that you have,
do yourself a favor. Because the last message that I want to leave is a general one for all of us here today.
That Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us in Surah facilite in the Latina Paulo buena Allah
from Mr. Camo, tetanus xello rla human Mala Iike alerta Hafele wala Taksin what? Abishek ruble Jana allottee quantum to Allah azza wa jal says, Verily the ones who believe and they say Paul do Rob Boone, Allah, they say that my master he is the one in charge He is Allah. That's your first part of your Shahada. That's part one La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasool Allah, then through muster, camo, they practice what they believe tetanus Zollo, la comunidad Allah, Allah azza wa jal at the time of your death, he will send down a legion of angels.
Have you ever been to a funeral or sorry, you know, at somebody who was in a hospital or are on their deathbed, and they freeze, and they just look in one direction.
And it's the moments before they die. Some are alumni, they said that that is the time where they start seeing angels coming to them. When Robert Ely human Kumala Killa to pursue, we're closer to you than you think. But you can't see us.
And these angels, they come to this person who has died and they say to him now the person is so scared and the angels they say letter Hafele well, doesn't know what OB shoot or Bill Jana, don't be scared. What is he scared about? He's scared because now it's time for him to meet Allah.
And they say to him, don't be sad. You know what? He's sad because he's going to leave his family behind.
Now all the family around that bed, their mother, their father has just died in front of their eyes. All the family is there, and they're crying and they're in tears. But they have no
idea that that deceased is going through the happiest moment of their life. Because those angels say congratulations. You've got Jana.
You stood your ground. You're beige, your parents, you looked after your life, you respected authority. You chose good friends, you live the good life. Congratulations. You did. You've done and you've gotten Jana. And then Allah azza wa jal continues. And this is the last point that I leave you with. This is my final message to all of you that Allah azza wa jal when he continues, and he says that one of the rewards that we will have or two things in Jannah
welcome FEMA tester he and for SOCOM, wala configure Mata Darwin, you're going to get the thing that you've always desired in this world. Whether it's stability, security, love, compassion, friends, anything, you're gonna get that those doors of Jana is going to open for you and you're going to have those things. But then Allah says, we'll have comfy him at their own, you're gonna get the thing that you called for children, parents, all your struggles that you're dealing with in your life. There has to be one thing inside of you, that's very personal that you want Allah to give you. This is not something that I can tell you. This is not something that I can teach you. You have to
figure out what is the one thing that you want to ask Allah, I'll share with you something very personal.
When I meet Allah subhanho wa Taala And if Allah accepts me and forgives me, one of the things I would ask Oh Allah,
telling me the secrets of Quran
Oh Allah you said Alif Lam mean? You said her meme. You said yes sin. Oh Allah till this day. scholars don't understand what these letters are talking about. Oh, Allah told me what they really mean.
Oh Allah, you took Surah Toba 114 Surah as you took one of them and you didn't put Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim in front of there until this day scholars debate why or why not? Why they don't understand why that happened. Oh Allah You tell me. Why didn't you put the bus Mala there?
So you brothers and sisters, you have to think about the one thing that you want in your life you want from Allah azza wa jal when you meet him, because we only have one chance to make things right here. May Allah subhanho wa Taala preserve you on mothers and fathers. May Allah azza wa jal give you mothers and fathers Jenna say, I mean, may Allah azza wa jal bless you and honor you and give you strength and health and courage and stability and understanding an E man. Parents Allahumma mean parents may Allah azza wa jal bless you and have you live in this world as though it is a an introduction to the Jana in the aka May Allah azza wa jal give that to you say, Amin children, may
Allah azza wa jal preserve you may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect you. You are the future generation the future Ummah of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam May Allah azza wa jal give you strength. We know what you're going through. But at the end of the day, children we all here as parents want to say to you,
that we love you. The circle Mala Hiren was Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh