Social and Family Conflicts 05 Selfishness

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

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Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

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Bismillah learn your Mern you're walking

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through him

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Al Hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah in Morocco who want to start in who want to stock photo who want to study

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when I would have been late to Ireland and show rotary and fusina women say RTR Marina may have the level for their mobile level. The lady who further

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wash had either law who the WHO luxury color or shadow in the urinal Have you been I was what an hour called Eternal Mohammed Abdullah who rasuluh Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad Ali he put up in a poor hearing was Harvey he he nine one are the coolamon Toby at home via CERN in Isla yo we did Allahumma aluminum I found out when finally my island tena was in Ireland Subhanak Allahumma

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tena interlevel Hakeem, along Arenal Hong Kong was open Aktiva renewable

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energy never

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respected Brothers Sisters jealousness Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh I welcome all of you wholeheartedly once again, to my daily discussion, talk discourse

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before if bar

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on the topic of family disputes, causes and the solutions.

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Those of you who've been following

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the discourses

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you know that in sha Allah Hamdulillah. Over the past few days, we've discussed four major root causes for main

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causes of friction. Four main causes are family disputes and social disputes. Generally, you must remember them and the solutions as well.

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And I help everybody those who have been listening help you do remember you have these causes and solutions in mind because then there are practical steps that need to be taken in order to avoid disputes, argumentation and conflicts and friction within the home, within our families, and social. For causes we discussed in great depth in detail.

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Now we move on today to cause number five.

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The fifth cause for family disputes. And the fifth major reason because of which we have a lot of argumentation, friction

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disputes within our families

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is because of selfishness, selfish selfishness, being selfish, that's a major cause for family disputes, being selfish being self centered.

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And the opposite of that the solution of that is what we call ethos, ethos, Earth ethos where you have the ruler, you Verona, Allah and fuzzy him. Allah mentioned this in the Quran regarding the Sahaba which means giving preference to other people, having the interest of other people in our minds and hearts over and above our own interests. So the main cause, cause number five for family disputes, is being selfish being self centered. Now this is based on the Hadith jealousness, a famous Hadith recorded by Imam Al Bukhari in his Saheeh collection. Likewise, Imam Muslim Rahim Allah in His Sahai collection from an asymptomatic or the Allahu Taala and who who was a hadith of

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the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who says that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said let me know ahead do come head your head badly or he may you have a belly in FCC law you may know a Hadoken Hatter you hate him or your belly Nazi. None of you can be a complete believer. None of you can be a complete Minh. Right not you can't be a complete believer until you don't like for your brother what you like for yourself until which means your sister as well. What you until you do not love it

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Like for your fellow Muslim brother or sister, that which you like for your own self. Right? Now, this hadith is an amazing Hadith, it's already that it's a general principle of Islam

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that we must not be selfish, being selfish and being self centered. When only

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I met her, me myself and I went only things relating to me matters and not the other party. And this results in frictional problems and disputes and argumentation. Because every one of us in every relationship what happens? Everybody's concerned about their own selves, this hadith, you cannot be a complete believer, do not be selfish. If a person is selfish, the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that a selfish person a selfish individual, a self centered person, cannot even be a complete movement

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cannot be a complete movement believer. The wording in the Muslim of Mr. Muhammad Allah blow up don't happy cattle Imani. Hector, you have milanesi Nassima. You're humble enough to see him in Ohio. The hadith in the Muslim the farmer the wording, similar meaning but a different Hadith, a different wording. A slave cannot reach the level of the real happycar of iman.

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A slave cannot reach the reality of Eman until he does not like for people significantly here in this hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says Lee NASCI the first one which was in Sahih al Bukhari Sahih Muslim he you don't like for your brother? Right? You don't like for your brother that which you like for yourself until you do not love for your brother in this Riba in this narration in the narration of Imam Ahmed's Muslim, the narration found in the Muslim imam of the Allahu Anhu until he doesn't like for humanity, Muslim non Muslim included Lee nasty

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we like he Daya and guidance for ourselves. So we should like he Dyer and guidance and email for our non Muslim friends as well. Until he doesn't love for humanity that which he loves for himself of goodness.

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So, a person cannot even be a complete believer, if he or she is selfish or self centered. Seriously, you cannot even be a complete believer. Now you may know or Hadoken the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying you cannot reach you cannot be a complete believer. And in order to enter Jannah we have to have the College of ethos of preference. There's a hadith again in the motion of an Imam Ahmed Radi Allahu Anhu

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for Mr. Hobbico gizi Sol koshary. He said Allah li rasool Allah He sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to hit with Jana. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once said to me, July Jana, do you want Jana? Do you want to enter paradise you wish to enter paradise? Alterna and I said O Messenger of Allah? Of course. Yes. Allah He said a haber li ma to Heba in a seeker Subhana Allah. He said, If you want to enter Jannah than love for your fellow Muslim brother, love for your brother, that which you love for yourself, I hate belly

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to hate baleen of Seeker. love for your brother or sister. What you love for yourself. And this is exactly what is mentioned in another Hadith, a hyperbole. Nassima to haeberlin of Seeker. Again, the word leanness in this hadith is a pika or hyperbole. Pika love for your brother, what you love for yourself. And in the other name variation, love for humanity, for people for mankind, what you love for yourself.

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This is in order to become a complete believer.

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A Muslim should be such a complete believer is the one when he is happy by seeing seeing his fellow Muslim brother sister happy and when he sees someone in distress, he feels distressed. What he likes for himself he likes for his fellow Muslim Brother, what she likes for herself likes for her sister, for her sister, especially and specifically within family,

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within family relationships within family relationships, and this was, you know, quality of the Sahaba Radi Allahu Anhu. So anyway, one of the major root causes of our family disputes, brothers and sisters is the fact that many of us we have we do not possess unfortunately the quality of ethos of giving preference to other people. We are selfish, we are self centered. It's only me myself.

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But I only met her. And it's only me and my interest and my desires and what makes me happy, and how much money I can make what it's an unfortunate we live in this

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situation and time and era when it's just one's own self interest and personal concern. Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters seriously, nothing else matches

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this materialistic lifestyle that we live in.

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It's only me my money, my wealth, my well being my health, and nobody else. And whether if that comes, if money comes in arrives, if my health comes in arrives, if my prosperity in this world arrives at the expense of other people let it be. That's the type of the world we're living in. And this is being selfish and all our problems is because because of that, being selfish, major route crows receive our whole Islam, our whole the religion of Islam, is based on and based on not harming anyone, our whole religion of Islam. And being is based on this on this guide.

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If somebody was to

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mention a principle of the rules of mirage of Islam, then you would bring a hadith the famous Hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, and Muslim woman, Solomon, Muslim, Allah Melissa and he already a believer is the one from his hands and from his mouth from his actions from his statements. No one No Muslim is harmed. Now that's that's, that's the idea. That is a principle. And I've mentioned this on many occasions, the principle of being a good Muslim, is that no human being Muslim or non Muslim,

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or animal,

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without any justification is harmed by your statement, or by your actions, right? That's the principle we have to live in a situation or in a way in a manner, we must interact with people we must talk and converse with people, we must interact with people in such a manner, that no person human being this is the meaning of this hadith. And Muslim woman, Solomon, Muslim una Melissa and Ey Adichie, no believer, no, a Muslim, a true believer is the one who whose hands from his actions for whom statements nobody's harmed, whether physically, whether spiritually, whether emotionally in any way, shape or form, we should be such our interaction, our behavior, our communication, our

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statements should be such that no human being or animal is harmed, without any justification should not be harmed. Whether it's physical harm, whether it's spiritual harm, whether it's emotional, whether it's mental, psychological, in any way, shape, or form we unexposed to harm anyone. That's the basic principle and carry the of our religion, Islam. Now, the question is, how do we find out what's the criteria? What's the standard? What's the main AR of equal Marriot? What is the criteria? This is a very important point, brothers and sisters, please, you know, listen to this carefully. I need your attention on this really? What did I say? The basic principle of Islam is that we must be

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such in this world, that no human being close or distant or far Muslim or non Muslim, Muslim or non Muslim, animal or human

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is harmed. But I'm saying unjustifiable, you know, without any justification, is harmed. Because sometimes there are certain justifications that are certain rules, there are certain things that you might defend yourself, etc, etc. And somebody might be harmed. So that's another incident. And that's another story. And that's another scenario. But in normal general situation situations, without any justification, no Muslim, no human being Muslim, or non Muslim animal should be harmed from our statements from our actions. Whether it's physical harm, emotional harm, psychological harm, spiritual harm, mental in any way, shape, or form.

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Now, that's how we need to live. Now the question comes, listen to this carefully. The question comes, how do we judge how do you realize how do we know how do we understand how do we decide whether others are being harmed by us or not? That's the question, what is the criteria? What is the Marriott what is the criterion? What is the standard? How do we judge is there something

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Do we have a thermal meter to you know, kind of

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decide

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the answer to this question that

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How do we detect? And how do we know and how do we come to realize that people are being harmed or not? from us? The question the answer sorry to that question is that the Marriott the standard is what I was just talking about the Hadith,

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the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what did he say? You cannot be a complete believer until you don't love for your brother what you love for yourself. I believe he cannot believe lexica love for your brother, what you love for yourself. Hey, Billy Nassima to hate Ballina, Sica, love for humanity for mankind, where you love for yourself. So the answer is, the criterion understand it is that in every situation, in every scenario, in every relationship, always, for a moment.

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Listen to this carefully. For a moment, the brothers and sisters, put yourself in the shoes, and the boots of the other person who is standing on the other side, put yourself on the other side of the fence. That is the criteria and that is the standard and that is the matriarch. If you put yourself on the other side, and think for a moment, the way I am dealing with that person. If I was standing there, and somebody else was dealing with me, would I be happy or not? To be dealt in that manner. That's the standard seriously, that is the criterion. And that's the way to judge. And that's the way to realize whether someone is being harmed or not. This is the Marriott.

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This is the standard.

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If somebody was to deal with me like this, this will we call it see the causes is being selfish. The solution for, for

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avoiding all these family disputes and problems is to be to have the quality of ethos or remember this word, it's an amazing word, one of the golden words of Islam, he thought, in Arabic, you'd have Elif year.

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And if an era ethos, if you want to spell it out in English, maybe I t h a our ethos, giving preference to other people, it's the opposite of being selfish. It's the opposite of being self centered. Right? It's the opposite of being self centered. He thought, and this is what he thought means to put oneself in the shoes of the other, and then

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take the action. Always put your own self on the other side of the fence.

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In every kind of relationship, but the problem today is that every one of us we meet, including we are all such that we only think about our own selves. If there's a relationship between an employer and an employee, the employer is always thinking about himself. And the employee is always just thinking about his own son. You know, the employees working always they remember you know, they know their own rights, they go on strike and this strike and that strike and and if they're Muslims, and remember the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, a JIRA, JIRA, who Avila and your jufa who make sure you give the wages to the employee before his you know, sweat becomes dry. He

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knows that hadith and you remember that hadith and you will go and strike and he'll ask and demand and request for a pay rise and all of that.

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But will you ever think that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that, you know, he knows the Hadith that he said that give the employees wages before his sweat becomes dry, but he doesn't think about whether he's sweating or not? Whether he's actually putting the work on night? Whether if he has an eight hour shift? Did he waste 10 minutes five minutes of that time or not? Because we know we don't we don't think about our own duties and responsibilities. We just think about our demands our rights, it's only me myself I what I want I'm selfish and self centered. And what I want

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earlier on the order made the pious people you know what these days actually give wages back, they said oh, somebody called me on the phone and five minutes I spent out of my work duty time, five minutes I worked I used it in some other activity hence and paying money back giving back to the employer.

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One they used to make hisab and take account of every minute, they would ensure that not a penny came to them in a haram in an unlawful manner. Because they will they will put themselves on the employers shoes, and likewise the employer as well. The employee will remember all the headaches and know that okay, yes, you know, the employees they need to work hard and they should, you know, earn their money and they should not waste their time and this and that.

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But they never think that we follow

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As an employee, what I want my employer to do with me in this way, so the employer, you need to put yourself in for a moment in the shoes of the employee, before you treat your and you deal with your employees, before an employer deals with his employees, for one moment, and for a moment in time, for a short period of time, put yourself in the shoes of an employee, think I remember you may have been an employee, right? All the employers, they work in the beginning and then the employ people, if you've employed people, and use to be employed yourself before think when you were employed, how did you want your boss to teach you? But the problem is that when we have employed and we are

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working for other people, we don't think we just think about our own stuff. And then if we become a boss of a business, and we employ other people, then we don't think about them we think from our angle, this is all being selfish. This is what the point of this hadith is every relationship we're all demanding our rights rights right my right my right my right. What about the responsibility and the right you have to give now very famous, a small story and an anecdote which one of my teachers shouted up with money happy the hola mentions in some of his books that there was this individual

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you know what his habit was?

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His habit was that every

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time

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when he used to be invited

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to someone's house, for food or whatever, the moment is to knock on the door and enter the house. The first question would be why have you cooked what's for food? Mashallah, can I smell something? Caprica? You know, what have you cooked? Is there something you know? What, what do you have what's what's what's cooking in the kitchen?

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And anytime when someone needs to come and visit him, he's to open the door and then start looking at the hands or have you bought some food with you some bags with you? Why have you bought with you?

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Suhana it's like always wanting wanting watching, never giving, it's always this is an example of a person who does not act upon the Hadith that I've just recited in front of you of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa Le he was selling them.

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Now you may not have that you have barely he know you hate Ballina, see he you cannot be a complete believer until you love for yourself or your love for your fellow Muslim brother. Hedberg. haeberli Nassima to Hey, burly nurse, you love Sica, love for your brother Love for humanity, what you love yourself. So I will say in every relationship, the relationship between an employer and an employee,

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between a landlord and a tenant. Seriously, same scenario. When a person is a landlord, we have so many problems connected to landlords and tenants within Muslims. And I know myself as you know, because I deal with a lot of kind of issues of people's conflicts and disputes and then they come to us fatwa that this happened and is this halal? Or he's asking for this estimate? But, you know, all these disputes, brothers and sisters can be avoided if the landlord for a moment thinks that you know what, if I was a tenant, how would I want my landlord to deal with me? And the tenant thinks for a moment that if I was a landlord, then how would I want my tenant to deal with me?

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If we weren't to just all of us were to think like that most of our problems would disappear. All is putting yourself on in the shoes of the other and giving preference to the other person.

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His interest?

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You know, the issue, the problem is that we have to criterions too, you know, we have two scales to judge

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you have made two standards, one standard for us, and one standard to judge others. That's that's what's happened.

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We've made two standards, one for our own selves, and one for the other. Person, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is guiding us Islam tells us and guides us that only have one scale, one scale of judgment, only one standard use, you judge your own self and the other person on the same scale based on the same criteria.

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Always think like that. Like this. Think for a moment that if somebody was to deal with me like this, would I be happy or would I be upset? Would I be pleased? Or would I be in a sad sort of state? Think if you think that look, if I if somebody was to deal with me like this and I would be upset then stop dealing with other people and cheating on

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The people like that every relationship, we talked about the employer and the employee relationship, the landlord and the tenant

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relationship problems after problems disputes after disputes. Why? Because the landlord only is concerned about his monthly rental. And he's concerned about his house, and you can't do this. And you can't do that. And he doesn't care about a lot of things. But imagine if you were a tenant, if Allah subhanaw taala did not give you a property. And if you were a tenant, and you were living and paying rent, wouldn't you want your landlord to treat you? Well? Wouldn't you want your landlord to look after certain issues here and there and have an interest? And if there's something was wrong, and say, okay, look, I'll sort this out for you and things like that, and take care of the property

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and take care of you. Wouldn't you want that. So do the same for your tenant. And as a tenant, if you're being difficult in dealing and treating your landlord and dealing with your landlord and paying your monthly rental, then think for a moment that if Allah gave you a property that you really worked hard for and struggled and strived, and you gathered money, or maybe you've got a loan, that you've taken, interest free, insha Allah, not a mortgage, interest free loan, and you've purchased a house.

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And you've really struggled to get this property, and you want, you need the money to pay for your bills, and to pay off your loans and to, you know, feed your family. Think for a moment that you've got a tenant who's always you know, it pays and then he doesn't pay on time, and then he pays and then he doesn't pay on time. And then he and his, you know, ruining your house. And he's breaking this and breaking that how would you feel. So always put your own self in the position of the other?

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Look at the relationship of the husband and the wife, the spouses, husband, need to put a husband must put disputes happen between, you know, the spouse is because husband thinks about his own self, his own interests, his own rights, what are the rights to give?

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He doesn't think about that. The wife likewise, what are my rights? Where are my demands? What is the husband owe me? What do I have to give? You don't think about that? You know, once I gave a talk, maybe a course I mean, I've given a lot of courses on marriage issues. And

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you know, the husband wife relationship,

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when I had a talk on the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife, her opposites and opposites.

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As an introduction, in the beginning, I mentioned I said, Look, we've we have some couples here, we had we had couples who attended the course.

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The husband should listen from the perspective of not what Okay, let me learn the rights of a husband. So now when I go home, I tell my wife, that you know what, yeah, I have this right and have this right and have this right, and you knew you must do this, and you have to do this, and you have to do that. And the wife's probably listening, making notes of all the rights, you know, of the wife that when I go back, I'll tell my husband, you know, what have you and do this for you. And you have to do this for me and I don't even have to do this for you. I said, if we take that intention, if you listen with that intention, there's no benefit, no benefit whatsoever. husband should listen and

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learn about the rights

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of his wife, the responsibilities that he has, and the wife should learn about her responsibilities towards her husband.

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Always put yourself in the shoes of the other. Problem solved. Parents and children.

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Same scenario.

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The parents, and I'm sorry to say some of our parents, the only verses of the Quran that they know, you know, they know what the verses were called or a book or a letter. Yeah, who have been validated. You may have loved one nine that Indical Kiba huduma Oklahoma Valetta Allahumma ofin Walton Houma Rocco Lahoma golden Karima Warfield. Allahumma Jana Hubballi Manav Rachna. Cora Burnham, Guna Kamara Bayani Saba Euro, those vessels they no one that your Lord has decreed, worship none accept him and treat your parents well. Whilst sign an incentive be well today here. We have decreed upon man to cheat his parents role and see and lower the wing of humility.

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And this and that some parents usually the only verses they know of the Quran or these kind of verses.

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They just know about their own rights have they learned about their responsibilities towards the children? They don't think about that.

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My children have to respect me obey me obedience and this and that and those are only verses they know. But what about the way the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam encouraged parents to give their the rights of the children. Treat them well give them love, give them respect. Give them a

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Tension, give them care, kiss them, always kiss your children. I actually did a talk on this.

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A couple of months, months ago, there was a conference in Toronto in Canada. And my title was building the bridges building the bridge between parents and children. I gave like an hour talk, I spoke half an hour by the parents news, half an hour on the children's duties. And I spoke about parents, what kind of duties they have towards their children, of bringing them up with love with affection with a lot of love that they exhibit and show and good Islamic therapy or moral upbringing.

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So parents, put yourself once in the shoes of children

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that remember, and you were children. It wasn't too long ago, you are a son or a daughter, and you had parents remember how you wanted to be treated by your parents.

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When you were married, you know, when you were married, and you wanted to marry a certain sister or a brother. I'm not saying do an awful Islamic activities. But when you were married, and you had certain criterias in marriage, you wanted a brother who had these qualities and not those qualities, and you wanted certain qualities within a potential spouse. Right? When you were married, you wanted a certain type of girl, you didn't want to marry this type of girl and that type of girl, and you want your parents to kind of at least listen to you

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and take your concerns into consideration. Now you become a father or a mother and then you just say no, you're not having none of it. That's it whatsoever. Mary, my sister son, my brother's daughter back home, in the same city in the same village and maybe in the same street and Oliver alleyway, you know, I mean, you have to be reasonable. The way you wanted to be treated by your parents. Now you've become parents. Think for a moment put yourself in the shoes of the children.

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Likewise, the children, same scenario.

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Same scenario, you are children right now. There'll be a time that you will be married and you'll have your own children, the way you're dealing with your mother. The way you're dealing with your father the way you're disrespecting them cheating them in such a way

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that you're slandering them swearing them imagine the moment you feel like saying anything bad Allah says well a couple Lahoma off. Do not even say a word of contempt. Do not even say a word of contempt.

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Or Finn don't even say like

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innocent children. You know why telling me for that? You know your dad tells you something. No, I'm

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not even while Allahumma ofin wallet and her humor are longer called Golden Kareena. Speak to them in gentle noble terms. Allah subhana wa Tada is addressing us.

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Hola. Hola. Hola. And Karim wa fibula Houma. Jana havalim In Rana. So right now, your children, your a son or a daughter, remember, you've been married and then you have your own son, the way you teach your parents, your children will treat you. How do you want your children to teach you teach your parents like that?

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If you are being unreasonable, you are marrying someone that you know, is really ideally not an ideal person. Imagine one day your own daughter wants to marry someone who's totally unreasonable, then you'll become different. And that's the problem. When we are children. We don't remember being you know, we don't think about being a parent. When we're parents, we don't think about being a child.

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A landlord now with never thinks even though he's been he's remained a tenant. But he'll never think about what a tenant being a tenant feels like. When a landlord becomes a landlord. Despite him being a tenant in his remaining a tenant in his life, he completely forgets how it feels to be a tenant. And a tenant totally does not remember all realize what it feels to be like a be a landlord. Likewise, an employee, an employee, husband and a wife, even though you can't remain a husband and then become a wife, but it's just you just don't we just don't get that feeling how it's to what that feeling is to be on the other side of the fence.

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Mother in Law daughter in law,

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the oldest problem in the world.

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This is the reason this is the main cause of family disputes.

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You know, our societies and communities are gripped

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with disputes between the mother in law and daughter in law. Why because we're not acting upon this principle.

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The mother in law when she was a daughter in law

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she only knew about the rights of being a daughter in law when she became a mother in law. Now she's she's used another standard. The mother in law, I think you were a daughter in law a time ago, it wasn't too long ago. Think how did you want to be treated? When you were a daughter in law? How would you want your mother in law to cheat you?

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Seriously, how would you want your mother in law to cheat your daughter in law, like in the same manner

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that we forget the mother in law will forget how it's how it feels like being a daughter in law. Right? And the same thing with a duty in law, your daughter in law right now, but remember it not too far away. You've got a five year old kid is another 1015 years, that son, beautiful son of yours will get married will bring a wife into the house.

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Same scenario.

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You know, how do you want your daughter in law to teach you be like that with your mother in law? This is a famous, you know, it's a basic It's not rocket science. It's just a basic, basic principle, which is taken from the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Heba later fika not to help but then of Seeker Hebda Lee nursing my to help Berlin of Seeker law, you may know how to calm her tell your head, the HEMA, your head, but in fct, you cannot be a complete believer until you do not like for your fellow Muslims and humanity, what you like for your own self.

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And this is the major root cause for many of our disputes, being selfish, being self centered, thinking about one's own self, that's the major root cause.

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And the solution is what solution is etha giving preference to other people, putting you one's own self in the shoes and the boots of the other and think how we would want to be treated. Right? How we would want to be treated. And that's the solution. And this is actually taken from the Hadith you know this verse and actually read this verse when I talked about monetary issues.

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Allahu Subhana. Allah in the Quran says in the last juice of the Quran, oily muck Puffin and Lavina tell Allah Nursia stole food or either Curlew was a new

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ally you're gonna

00:37:29--> 00:37:45

know whomever overthrown Leo min Alvey, yo my acumen Natalia Rob, Bilal me Allah says Whelan distraction Whoa, and to be wildly on word in future Hanim According to Professor Ian Whelan means you will enter a valley in hellfire

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destruction and the punishment of the Hellfire be unto el mapa 15 Well, you will know puffy theme, the people have bought fief who are the people of the three Allah then elaborates explains to us and he tells us, he says hola Vina either Qatal or either Nancy is still food. These are the people that when they, when they have to take and receive from people by way off measurement. They make sure they take every grain, every pot will either Calhoun or was a New York zero. But when they have to give people, other people when they have to give others by way of measurement and weight, then they give less. This is again the relationship between a shopkeeper and a customer

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when you're a shopkeeper when you're selling put yourself in the shoes of the buyer when you're a buyer put yourself for a moment in the shoe of the seller and messenger is the verse in the Quran which ALLAH saying that these people are such a distraction on TV these people a fee what do they do they when they have to receive and take grain rice, vegetables, whatever whatever fruits when they have to take by way of measurement when they're receiving well make sure they're not gonna say look the meat is not on look it's a bit less you know you've got to do some shots in as soon as the some people hug you in sometimes absolutely ridiculous stuff honestly. I went to once a sharp but

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literally I'm not making this up seriously I'm not making this up.

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I heard and I witnessed and I saw with my own eyes a heated debate and argumentation a massive argument like it was close to fists been thrown right over what over one penny I'm not making this up seriously over one penny. The change was less a penny

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so you gave me one penny less no no I gave you a proper change. No I gave you no but you gave me this much but I gave you change back uses in those

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10 points you know that you give me eight because no no I give you nine because you gave me at like proper argumentation. I was like oh Subhanallah

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in the shops you got I mean it's so unfortunate. We talk about these things we know but you know like as I said the other day I gave a talk here two weeks ago right in the beginning Ramadan the importance of not fighting and arguing and disputes and friction and you know what?

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Straight after doing a thorough Maghrib here has just went outside. And the first thing I saw was like two people having a massive fight and argument fists being nice people came out of Masjid I won't tell you which Masjid after if Park fasting the whole day I mentioned this last week to you or the week before

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they open their fast let me die to Allah they performed the Salado Maghrib three ricotta Maghrib sunnah out on the road in this period of scuffle and people have to have to separate them. What benefit is there in fasting all day? What benefit there's no benefit seriously? Islam you know, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said laser three hour marathon he was shut up in the mausoleum Amina love we were referred. This hadith must not have Imam Muhammad. Fasting is not just to stay away and abstain from food and drink in Amasian. The real fasting is

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meant to love we were referred abstaining from futile conversation, obscene language. So even in the shops, seller, put yourself in the boots and the shoes of the buyer purchase. purchaser. Put yourself in the shoes of the seller, the shopkeeper you know there's this one Hadith long Hadith I don't have time, but I'll just mention just briefly, and there was this one person who was forgiven somebody saw, I think it was in the time of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He mentioned a call recorded carry that he mentioned that there was a person who had certain sins but Allah forgave him. When he went to the next life when he passed away, ALLAH forgive him. You know why? The

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only reason why Allah forgave him and all his sins were forgiven, because he was somehow either better, somehow Illustra that he been used to buy used to be extremely gentle, and cordial and courteous. And when he used to sell his to likewise be extremely cordial, extremely, extremely courteous, and show you know, show manners and be polite in buying and selling. And that's the reason why ALLAH forgive you. Look at this verse. I love you, the cattle are the nastiest of food. Why that Curlew was a Munoz rune, Allah says when it's their time to take through measurement and wait, they take fully they asked for every penny and when it's their time to give, then you know,

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you might give a change and you might say let me go with a penny here they're Penny they're you know, Penny accumulates, right and that's what we will do that Penny last penny, they're less Penny here and less penny that by the end of the day, you might have a pound. So Allah says and then he mentioned this and then listen to what I know your Bond knew who the ICA and know whomever or who don't these people realize that there'll be resurrected Leone now then on they'll be resurrected on the big day. Yo, Maya OMO Nestle Europe Bill al Amin, on the day when the humanity whole of humanity mankind will stand up before the Lord of the wolves, yo mayor, omo nursery in Europe behind me, and

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we will have to give herself an account for every penny for every right that we owe to other people.

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This is the quality of ethos. The fifth cause, which we are talking about today, our family disputes is being selfish is being self centered. It's only thinking about our own rights. It's only thinking about our own selves, all the relationships that we have the relationships between them, employer, employee, landlord, tenant, parents, children, husband, wife, yeah, teacher student, if you're a teacher, the way you teach your students for one moment in time think when you were a student, how did you want to start your teach to teach you and likewise a student? Think when you become a teacher, how would you want you as a teacher to be respected and you know, obeyed and listened to

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and how you would want your students to be punctual? Right. So

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employer employee relationship, tenant landlord relationship, parents, children relationship,

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husband, wife, relationship, teacher, student relationship,

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mother in law, duty, law, relationship, siblings, brothers and sisters, their relationship, every relationship that we find ourselves in our principal party that we work upon, and base our life on is a Himba Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or Hibben enough seeker.

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Hey, Billy Nassima to have been in a seeker Love for humanity, mankind will you love for yourself

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We cannot be complete believers and true we don't love for others, what we like for our own selves and this is the culture of ethos, we need to bring about this quality, this quality of ethos, we need to bring about this culture of giving preference to other people, you know, you know that this quality of ethos is an amazing quality. The Sahaba had this quality, you know, the definition of ethos, we said, selfishness, selfishness and self centeredness. The opposite of that is what the opposite opposite of that is ethos, giving preference to other people. And I mentioned to you know, you know, the definition of ethos is, one tolerate a bit of hardship for the sake of others. That's

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the definition you should write this down. Ethos means a person tolerates tolerate a bit of hardship and difficulty in this world. For the sake of others, it's okay, I'll undergo a bit of hardship, I'll take a bit of hardship, and exercise some seriously, that's the definition of ethos

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that I don't think about my own desires, my own wishes and hopes and my own.

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You know, desires, my own interests, my own interests are not at the forefront, in my heart and mind are the interests that desires the well being of other people before my own well being. I'm not too concerned about my own well being, but I am more concerned about the well being of other people. This is the College of ethos, look at the Sahaba the Allahu Anhu there's a hadith in the Sunnah fairly mama tell me there are the Allahu Anhu say the neighborhood or the Allahu Anhu relates, famous incident you must have heard of this.

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So you're gonna have a horror or the Allahu Anhu relates reports, messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once said, you know, a guest came to the messenger, salallahu Alaihe Salam. So the messenger Salallahu Alaihe. Salam said, Who will entertain him. So it's a unsightly sahabi, a companion from the Ansari. He said, Yasser Allah, I'll take him home, I'll feed him. When he went home. His wife said, You know what, we don't have too much food. We only have food for one person. He says, okay, you know what, we'll do no problem. He said, Look, you know, the children, whatever, just do something, and make the children go to sleep. She said, we only have a bit of food at home, we don't

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have food. It's difficult if the guest eats that our children will not able to eat, we will remain hungry. He said, It's okay, no problem. Just let the children go to sleep and make them go to sleep in some way shape or another. So

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she made he made the children go to sleep.

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And then he called the guest. And he placed the food on the spread and sat down and showed that you know, accidentally it was accidental. It wasn't accidental. It was intentional. The light or the lamp that was on, he switched it off. He just He hid it. So you fall on the floor and the light was put out. And he he pretended that it was done accidentally but it wasn't it was complete darkness. And he sat with his guest pretending to eat and just making noises and you know, like doing that, you know, pretending he's eating and talking away and the guests Subhanallah foot that you know his host is eating but he wasn't eating until the guest ate you know, properly and you know, was filled

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with food and was, you know, hamdulillah satisfied. Allah subhanho wa Taala loved this quality of the sahabi so much that he revealed a verse in the Quran, where he Runa Allah and fusi him what oh can be him Kasasa these companions the Sahaba Radi Allahu Anhu are such that they give preference to other people, even if they have to remain hungry themselves, while O'Connor became Kasasa they give preference to others.

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Even if that means that they have to remain hungry themselves Subhanallah these are the these were the these other habits and attributes of the Sahaba of the Allahu and on the College of ethos. Tolerating a bit of hardship for the sake of others. That's the definition. That's the definition of Eva.

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Imam Malik Radi Allahu Anhu reports in his Mapa to see the archer Radi Allahu anha.

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Once a Miskin a poor person came to ask her a beggar on the door. She only had one chip patty and she was fasting that day. The beggar came she gave the chip patty. She had a hard dinner a servant of her. The seven said Aisha Radi Allahu anha

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you know you only had a one chip party at home you we only have one Chowpatty and you have a fast how will you do thought? You've given that away as well?

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She said still no give it Allah will provide because she saw

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The beggar was extremely hungry. She thought to herself that you don't want I'll tolerate a bit of hardship. For the sake of this poor beggar, let the poor beggar be satisfied. And algos undergo hardship and difficulty tolerate this will be called ethos. You know, the famous incident as well, time is very short. I don't have the time to go into the detail but in the Battle of Yarmouk, you know, when all the shahada all the martyrs were lying, and they were all close to death, one of the companions, he took a bit of water to his uncle. And he used he said, Do you want a bit of water? He said, Yeah, give me some water, and just help you when he was just about to give the water. He heard

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someone else laying laying next to him, who was asking and begging for water. First, he said, Go and take it to him, he took it to him. And whilst he was just about to give it, the heard, he heard the sound of another Sahabi in the Battle of your milk, gasping for water, so take it to my brother, he took it with him. And then somebody else was in need is to take you to my brother, he went to the fourth person. And the fourth person has reached him. And he had, you know, breathe, he took his last breath. And he, he was a martyr, he left this world, he took the water to the second one, back to the first one. Every one of them had passed away and was a martyr, they could have drank water,

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but each one of them the Sahara, the Allahu anhu, was delegating and transferring was transferring this person and telling this individual to move over and go to the next to hobby to the next to hobby to the next.

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Giving preference preference to others, and tolerating hardship.

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This is what we call ethos. And this was an incident as well regarding which this incident and the story of you know, when the Sahaba was eating and pretending to eat, and accidentally putting the light out the lamp out and eating both of these two incidents regarding these two incidents, because of which ALLAH SubhanA who was the Allah revealed the verse while the Runa Allah and firstly, him, Hello, can you be him Kasasa these are such people that they tolerate hardship, they give preference to others, even if they have to remain hungry themselves. Subhanallah and that's the quality of ethos. And you know what, I'm going to end on this on this brothers and sisters, as parents, for the

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sake of Allah, You know what, bring this habit of ethos or create, create this shock, this desire, this zeal of ethos, even in your young children. You know, when you have small children, because small children, you have a four year old son and a six year old daughter, the snatching from each other toys, or they want from a young age, seriously will likely work on them from a young age. If you have young children, teach them in a nice way. It's a very important time to inculcate and drill into the hearts and minds of our young children, good noble qualities and good habits. So listen, tell them, give them some times you know, something in the hand, give them a five pound note and say

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go and put this and give this to the poor person. There's a beggar or there's a poor person or there's a box of sadaqa let them donate. For example, if they're fighting say No look, you know your brother you should give something to your brother give your baby sister go on. In a nice way. Give them toys and say look now look from that for the sake of Allah Allah will happy with you we are in this world. You know we take hardships but we want good for others. You should want your you know his younger sister. To be more happy, you will get rewarded Allah will give you in other ways and means so go on this toy. Go and give to your four four year old sister may give you no previous

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habit from a young age.

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If we drill and instill the quality of ethos in our young children from a young age between brothers and sisters Subhan Allah you will see the love between them that will remain an exist until they are young. And when they become slightly old when they become teenagers. When they reach middle age, and even when they become old when their parents pass away. You will see the brotherhood and sisterhood within the family you'll see an atmosphere of atmosphere of love, they will be ready to tolerate hardship for the sake of the blood brother for the sake of the sibling for the sake of the blood sister from a young age crate this this you know this desire, this desire of ethos this quality is

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noble quality of ethos. So I'm going to end with this inshallah brothers and sisters JazakAllah hand for listening today. So the fourth cause that we talked about, and we finished the fourth

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major reason why we have disputes and problems within the family is because because of what? Selfishness the solution is in sha Allah, we have and we create and we bring about and we instill a withdrawal into our own selves and into our young children, the amazing noble quality of ethos, which was the quality of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam giving preference to other people tolerating a bit of hardship for the sake of others, and we give preference to others we always put ourselves selves in the shoes of others. Just for listening. Inshallah, if you practice upon this, many of our disputes, family problems and disputes would end insha Allah even in Lehi to either with

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the Tofik from ALLAH SubhanA wa Akoto Cody had our stuff federal law or some Allahu wa salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam, wa Salam o Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh