Improving Relationships

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari


Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

File Size: 52.82MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:00--> 00:00:03

I see that 111

00:00:05--> 00:00:06

Massage was said

00:00:11--> 00:00:12

to be

00:00:15--> 00:00:17

a lovely letter give me the following

00:00:25--> 00:00:26

a lot of

00:00:32--> 00:00:33

respect your brothers

00:00:36--> 00:00:38

said oh my god combined

00:00:40--> 00:00:41

today's topic which

00:00:43--> 00:00:50

is advertised as improving relationships, a general topic and inshallah next

00:00:51--> 00:00:52

let's talk about

00:00:55--> 00:00:57

it improving relationships

00:01:00--> 00:01:07

we are talking about this in a general sense relationships, starting from the family

00:01:09--> 00:01:22

starting from the husband wife relationship, parents, children relationship, siblings relationship, the family relationship, relatives, extended family, the cousins, their relatives,

00:01:24--> 00:01:32

and then more general relationships between Muslim communities, Muslims and then a relationship with non Muslims.

00:01:34--> 00:01:35

In an overall sense.

00:01:37--> 00:01:43

This branch of the teachings of Islam, which relates to

00:01:44--> 00:01:49

interaction and relationship with others is actually a whole branch of the teachings of Islam.

00:01:51--> 00:01:52

The whole branch

00:01:54--> 00:02:03

it's called the branch of more Arusha who actually is from the workshop. Hmm used to live. See, we are human beings we are social beings,

00:02:04--> 00:02:15

human beings as a social animal. We don't live in a desert. It could be one possibility one scenario could have been that we just live in a desert we live in

00:02:17--> 00:02:17


00:02:18--> 00:02:26

we live in a jungle of mountains and there's nobody there. That's just me myself and I there's

00:02:28--> 00:02:35

nobody to get upset with and nobody to hurt my feelings or nobody's feelings to hurt nobody, nobody device with nobody to argue with

00:02:37--> 00:02:42

nobody you imagine someone's in a jungle and says come to LA I don't fight with anybody

00:02:43--> 00:02:44

who is there to fight

00:02:45--> 00:02:46

the sand.

00:02:47--> 00:02:52

It's like a blind man saying, You know what, I've never ever committed a sin. Mais

00:02:54--> 00:03:07

there's no biggie. Because it's not possible to come into somebody's eyes. So that's one scenario. Where someone lives on their own just does not intermingle with anyone.

00:03:08--> 00:03:15

But that's not possible. Human beings, we, we can't live without each other and we can't live with each other.

00:03:18--> 00:03:25

And can't live without each other. We need each other. We need the company of other human beings. Men need women, women need men

00:03:27--> 00:03:44

to fight with one another. So this is the test and the challenge but we need one another. And when we live with one another, then the challenge and the test is how we deal with the difficulties involved in getting

00:03:45--> 00:03:51

this taken direct from the heavy to the messenger so I love what you said and there's a famous Hadith in the center of the mountain

00:03:52--> 00:04:00

where the messengers of Allah said and he said he explained this very concept of Muslim lady you hide it on us

00:04:02--> 00:04:06

and Muslim with the Wii U haul it to NASA well yes there are

00:04:08--> 00:04:10

Muslims under the live call it

00:04:12--> 00:04:17

amazing. Every Hadith of the message is so deep so profound.

00:04:18--> 00:04:25

And Muslim will that be you highly poisonous that Muslim who you heard it? Was

00:04:26--> 00:04:34

intermingles mixes with people communicates socializers You hide to nuts with people?

00:04:36--> 00:04:37

Well, yes, we are.

00:04:38--> 00:04:49

And then exercises server patience on the phones received from other human beings. The messages are worrisome.

00:04:51--> 00:04:58

A Muslim, who intermingles and then if he in some point he didn't say what

00:04:59--> 00:04:59


00:05:00--> 00:05:12

Sometimes Catholic and Muslim who intermingles with other human beings, and that if he receives he didn't say if if he receives any harms. Now, when he

00:05:13--> 00:05:14

and he receives,

00:05:15--> 00:05:38

that it carries on completed, what is it why is the sermon saying that if you give people that 100% You will have your feelings hurt, this is not an if this is a given guarantee, a Muslim who you hire, who interacts for intermingles, who mixes will communicate and socialize socializes

00:05:39--> 00:05:59

who has dealings with other human beings, monetary beings, financial dealings, any kind of use, you hide it on us, and therefore, the consequences are given by your feelings will be hurt. There's not this is not a question of faith. This is definite. So, when he does

00:06:00--> 00:06:02

have his feelings or her feelings hurt

00:06:04--> 00:06:09

this Muslim, if he exercises southern patients, yes, there is

00:06:11--> 00:06:23

a Muslim he is better than another believer. Lie Harlington us Why is one better than another believer who does not intermingle the one who lives in a desert

00:06:24--> 00:06:25

who doesn't mix,

00:06:26--> 00:06:32

who doesn't communicate, and therefore that doesn't lie so he doesn't have to exercise himself.

00:06:33--> 00:07:00

In other words, any new human who lives with other human beings, it is a given that your feelings will be hurt. Why? Because human beings are all different. We all think differently. We all have different ideas. We all have different concepts, we come to the masjid as 100 opinions, as many as 100 people with as many opinions in the world as many people.

00:07:01--> 00:07:10

Everyone's mental mental level is different. Everyone's different psychologically, mentally, emotionally. And the marriage even agenda is different.

00:07:14--> 00:07:16

Today, we have to add that close.

00:07:17--> 00:07:22

In marriage, even though gender is different, the man is from

00:07:24--> 00:07:26

word of mouth, Mars

00:07:28--> 00:07:49

is completely different emotionally, psychologically, physically, mentally, from all different angles. Women the way they are, nature is different. That's the name of a book, which is written by non Muslims, according to Islam as well, man, there's so many texts that inform us that the men and women are different Hadith about

00:07:50--> 00:08:08

literary. The meaning of that is that from a man's perspective, the woman is different. The man finds a woman very sensitive, very emotional. Sometimes a husband asks a wife, wait time pushes, she will know herself when she's crying.

00:08:09--> 00:08:14

But only understand, crying, she said a friend that I'm crying for no reason.

00:08:17--> 00:08:21

Because they relate to one another. They understand what

00:08:22--> 00:08:23

and there's nothing wrong with that.

00:08:26--> 00:08:29

There's nothing wrong this is the nature of the woman.

00:08:30--> 00:08:34

Gentle, fragile, emotional. The man is different.

00:08:36--> 00:08:43

psychologically, emotionally, physically, from all angles. To the woman, men and women are completely different.

00:08:44--> 00:08:55

Every human is different to another, even though fingerprints are different, you will look differently, our brain levels. And that's why sometimes when these arguments and debates just

00:08:56--> 00:09:07

I always say to people, one of the ways of remedies I urge you to treat ourselves with this is just think that other person, I think you're excused for that person's excuse. My rule,

00:09:08--> 00:09:14

just say it's okay. It's from your idle neighborhood and from them.

00:09:15--> 00:09:15


00:09:16--> 00:09:18

excuse is

00:09:20--> 00:09:35

you've got a disability or something. Excuse. So from Daniel, you are because you're different. The level of mental levels are different. And then you're not, it's not going to be possible. You just have to resolve them.

00:09:37--> 00:09:42

You know, sometimes people are different age levels, different mental levels, maturity levels.

00:09:43--> 00:09:59

If someone's driving a car and you see someone right and there's a fight or argument outside, that person had more come in the morning had a scenario totally new plan a different scenario. They're thinking somewhere else, then a different level of brain death, or something else. They're going somewhere else too.

00:10:00--> 00:10:03

If you're thinking about going to the airport, everyone's level is different.

00:10:06--> 00:10:16

So, anyway, this heaviness say that when human beings interact and intermingle that, it is a must

00:10:17--> 00:10:28

that feelings will be hunting. Therefore, there's only one solution Well, there is another solution, which is not the solution that we should take

00:10:30--> 00:10:36

one solution solution could be that because your feelings are hurt, then fight argue

00:10:37--> 00:10:40

it out tell you get their feelings hurt

00:10:41--> 00:10:46

and debate and get into a quarrel and in dispute and have a conflict

00:10:47--> 00:10:48


00:10:51--> 00:10:51


00:10:52--> 00:10:59

is going to waste your time your energy your efforts, make you depressed made Democrats is just fighting, arguing.

00:11:00--> 00:11:00

That's what

00:11:03--> 00:11:05

that's what angles. They'll see the two cats fighting

00:11:07--> 00:11:09

do me out in the middle of the night.

00:11:11--> 00:11:30

Human beings and these are all things when we act upon this whole branch as I started, come back to the branch of Islam Arusha. But that's one solution. Just keep on never ending. Sometimes some disputes are never ending soap operas,

00:11:31--> 00:11:32

family disputes,

00:11:34--> 00:11:36

but generally, in our communities.

00:11:38--> 00:11:59

She said this and he said this and then the next scenario and then the next Episode and Episode Four and Episode Five and episode six, and then the daughter in law and and the mother in law and then the grandma and then this is involved in that symbology is involved and he's involved in this one and just continuously, just the life of misery easily and just fighting.

00:12:02--> 00:12:03

That's one solution.

00:12:04--> 00:12:09

This hadith is say the solution the other one is yes well

00:12:10--> 00:12:10


00:12:13--> 00:12:20

that doesn't mean someone get your rights violated and there's someone punching you and hitting you and so on to the southern people.

00:12:21--> 00:12:23

You don't turn the other cheek

00:12:25--> 00:12:30

you know in the shape of a size around borders, turn the other cheek someone slaps you.

00:12:32--> 00:12:36

In Mousavi sanctuary or someone slaps you one you start them twice back.

00:12:39--> 00:12:42

And OSHA here is what an algorithm for our people will be Mithibai

00:12:43--> 00:12:45

warning server to level

00:12:47--> 00:12:48

if you do server

00:12:50--> 00:12:59

and if it's not really infringing upon your rights, let's just to defuse the situation. The greatest power

00:13:00--> 00:13:03

the greatest power that a Muslim has is

00:13:05--> 00:13:06

it's super powerful.

00:13:08--> 00:13:09

Someone said something

00:13:10--> 00:13:10


00:13:13--> 00:13:20

just in for one year and out from the same year to get the money come out from disease outcomes Amen year.

00:13:22--> 00:13:24

And that's why some of it's so much reward.

00:13:26--> 00:13:29

If you work for somebody Luna the lady is

00:13:31--> 00:13:44

the reward of salaries without any revenue without any and the Quran says wages only one someone who janitor will hide the reward of someone is Jana, someone is it's super

00:13:45--> 00:13:57

powerful, even some non Muslims they actually go for practice in order to get proper treatment when people exercise and go through training methods of doing something.

00:13:59--> 00:14:17

If someone hurts your feelings, if someone say something to someone did something to how do you exercise How do you control how do you have the willpower? How do how do you control your anger management treatment for example, as a treatment, psychological treatment, we have all the treatment you know the the Quran and

00:14:18--> 00:14:21

the Sunnah is really really powerful really

00:14:23--> 00:14:28

requires time effort, very much training

00:14:32--> 00:14:40

summer is amazing. Just a lot of summer is you know that is a poet who says

00:14:41--> 00:14:47

that you should do so much about someone who is one person so much solid as you know somebody patience.

00:14:49--> 00:14:57

Saba summer summer isn't an exclusionary This is really nice. Sort of a southern first alotta because

00:14:59--> 00:14:59

some of us

00:15:00--> 00:15:03

On April 1, the author responded in

00:15:08--> 00:15:19

a press exercise so much, so much patience and summer. To the point that is Tabatha, we had some summer itself sought help from the person who has been so

00:15:22--> 00:15:23

good to us me.

00:15:24--> 00:15:28

Summer but Stellata he has some some

00:15:29--> 00:15:40

more Nina. I need help started complaining using me so much. But Cebu the person who's doing some unsafe to some but also don't know now it

00:15:42--> 00:15:51

occurred several times at Cebu Cebu patient doesn't say someone will post about Sabra just

00:15:53--> 00:15:55

so this is the level of suffering.

00:15:56--> 00:15:58

So this is the only second option.

00:16:00--> 00:16:09

A second option, and this is the only option. When we are human beings, social beings. We live with one another.

00:16:10--> 00:16:15

Our feelings will be hurt. And this is the whole branch and this is

00:16:16--> 00:16:22

the branch of Islam which deals with inter human communications.

00:16:24--> 00:16:31

This is called What branch more Arusha it's a whole branch. Islam is not just about

00:16:33--> 00:16:33

performing Salah

00:16:35--> 00:16:44

hygiene, all of riba Dalit is actually only one branch one quarter from the teachings of Islam

00:16:46--> 00:16:50

offering Zeca had on

00:16:51--> 00:16:56

record, this Be still for family while he is

00:16:58--> 00:17:00

all of that is one foot

00:17:02--> 00:17:04

one quarter from the four quarters.

00:17:06--> 00:17:09

And if you put our pipe and 155.

00:17:12--> 00:17:15

We have different branches of the teaching of Islam.

00:17:18--> 00:17:20

A by DOD is external worship.

00:17:23--> 00:17:25

It's important, but it's one quarter.

00:17:26--> 00:17:33

Then you have another branch, which is this one more harsher social news, social.

00:17:35--> 00:17:36

Then you have another third and fourth

00:17:38--> 00:17:38


00:17:40--> 00:17:41

more armella

00:17:42--> 00:17:50

either means financial dealings, business dealings, military dealings, money matters, money matters.

00:17:51--> 00:17:59

Money Matters, money, matters matters a lot. Money Matters many issues. That's a whole branch

00:18:00--> 00:18:07

where we get our money from where we spend our money, how do we acquire it when you need to go in there because that requires 25.

00:18:09--> 00:18:15

That's a whole branch. And then you have another final branch, which is the branch of we call

00:18:17--> 00:18:18

OB Kotecki.

00:18:19--> 00:18:20

Which is the word o'clock because

00:18:22--> 00:18:39

people misunderstand this term, this branch because a clock is also used in other than Arabic. And when we use it in other languages, like ooh, do you know some other languages, and people think good manners doesn't mean good manners. It's a whole branch. It's

00:18:40--> 00:18:49

purification of the heart and soul and working on the characteristics of the inner self. In other words,

00:18:50--> 00:18:55

distinguishing ourselves from being an animal, being a human.

00:18:56--> 00:18:57

That's the skeleton.

00:18:58--> 00:19:07

Because we have and this is connected this last branch that this cable is connected to this more Azure branch. It has a direct impact

00:19:08--> 00:19:12

and actually has connection to even while I'm alive business transactions

00:19:14--> 00:19:33

this purification of the heart and the soul basically summary of that branch is that we by nature we've been created with firm Heckman for reason for wisdom that Allah knows best and also because there's a there's a need for it as well to an extent with certain negative character traits like anger.

00:19:35--> 00:19:36

There's a need for it.

00:19:37--> 00:19:41

Anger, jealousy, hatred, enmity, competition,

00:19:42--> 00:19:53

showing up ostentation, pride, arrogance, these are all blameworthy because of Medina, blameworthy characteristics.

00:19:55--> 00:19:58

These are all haram traits by the way.

00:20:00--> 00:20:29

opposite of all of these are praiseworthy character traits. Humility, humbleness, it loves being sincere for the sake of Allah and that this all is praiseworthy character traits. Now a lot of people don't know this and don't realize this that this branch is other non infringement martial law this last branch is so important that just as it has fallen for us to progress, shall we progression yet.

00:20:30--> 00:20:35

It is also fun to acquire those character traits that's also going

00:20:37--> 00:20:38

to declare sincerity

00:20:39--> 00:20:45

to remove pride and arrogance to remove jealousy. Jealousy is as haram Zina is

00:20:47--> 00:20:54

jealousy is as Haram as alcohol consumption. What is an external sin? What is an internal sin?

00:20:56--> 00:21:06

I call is an external sins, Zina is an external sin. Jealousy is an internal sin, showing both unreal and pride and arrogance internal since

00:21:07--> 00:21:12

the branch of the skater deals with internal sins. In other words,

00:21:13--> 00:21:17

someone is external for physically performance.

00:21:20--> 00:21:30

And the loss is internal. He survived it's not something that only some Muslims you know who are really good Muslims do it normally spot on every single Muslim.

00:21:32--> 00:21:37

The skeleton is a lifelong process of working on on ourselves.

00:21:38--> 00:21:49

One of the objectives of the residence of a loved one in Sudan was Louisa Keegan and came to purify us from the Sahaba and through the teachings of the next generation from internal diseases

00:21:51--> 00:21:56

are out of the hands of God this is called dusky the scale of one

00:21:58--> 00:22:03

really important branch we must ensure we give importance to that branch as well I mean teaching

00:22:05--> 00:22:15

and you know, really is basically it's a branch like I said, which takes a human from being an animal distinguishes a human from him and

00:22:17--> 00:22:17

that's what that branch is

00:22:23--> 00:22:25

you know, if you see animals what do they do?

00:22:27--> 00:22:32

It can one another eating one another. being selfish

00:22:34--> 00:22:44

Have you ever seen you take your kids or your children sometimes to a pond or a lake or somewhere and there's no ducks you throw bread what happens

00:22:46--> 00:22:46

whenever you

00:22:48--> 00:22:49


00:22:50--> 00:23:12

the big Swan comes and chases a smaller lawyer I was doing a small one. They never get the bread so we throw it around the back just this will be to move the the big swan dagcoin Let the other ones eat might the food it's just really me myself. being selfish

00:23:15--> 00:23:15

we are different

00:23:17--> 00:23:18


00:23:19--> 00:23:22

humans odorless we are different

00:23:24--> 00:23:25

we just do it more professionally

00:23:27--> 00:23:31

we don't do two pieces of bread return its stock

00:23:33--> 00:23:35

we do some kind of big business

00:23:36--> 00:23:43

and the companies and properties building that's really the basics it's all about competition. So what we mean by supply

00:23:45--> 00:23:47

and when the going gets tough me doing the brand as well.

00:23:48--> 00:23:50

When COVID hits people are fighting toys

00:23:52--> 00:23:54

when food is scarce and do it

00:23:56--> 00:23:58

animals each one of them we don't need to

00:23:59--> 00:24:02

physically meet each other in different ways.

00:24:03--> 00:24:11

It's all about me me me me me as myself. Yeah cool. Are we human human life in the earlier times the messenger some of

00:24:12--> 00:24:18

the stronger news to eat weak This is a food chain. Now businesses or food chain

00:24:21--> 00:24:30

every small company or small business person is there to be swallowed by a bigger fish. Small fish with a fish this fish this fish this fish as well.

00:24:32--> 00:24:35

It goes it's a chain of humans and exactly the same

00:24:36--> 00:24:37


00:24:39--> 00:24:57

This branch the skeleton is there to teach us to not have animalistic traits of Allah vallila. This blameworthy character traits are basically animalistic traits

00:24:58--> 00:24:59

becoming a human

00:25:00--> 00:25:00

I'm not an animal.

00:25:02--> 00:25:05

We were born with these things for a reason.

00:25:06--> 00:25:17

Because there's 2x that we can eradicate. The objective is not to remove all of these traits completely. And that's neither possible. You can't remove completely jealousy and

00:25:18--> 00:25:27

these things you can't. It's just part of the nature. But you have to work on its to such an extent that it's kind of like,

00:25:28--> 00:25:32

you know, you've trampled on is a whole branch.

00:25:33--> 00:25:37

But that branch has a link with this branch of Maharashtra.

00:25:38--> 00:25:42

Why should I use a relationship? Now, if you have a marriage,

00:25:43--> 00:25:46

if the husband wife in a marriage,

00:25:47--> 00:25:52

they both and this is what I teach courses in marriage, when we talk about marriage?

00:25:53--> 00:26:00

I always put the emphasis on this and when a young person is looking for a spouse to get married to

00:26:01--> 00:26:10

probably the most important aspect to consider in marriage is a potential person. Is this good? Or

00:26:12--> 00:26:22

are they working? Have they worked on their internal diseases? Are they working to be a human or not?

00:26:25--> 00:26:30

That's really important. I once did a whole course on how every single

00:26:32--> 00:26:59

disease this internal disease has a direct link on the breakup of marriage. We went through like 1012, spiritual diseases, they were the character traits, whatever you want to call them. Jealousy, enmity, hatred, showing off the concentration try for miserliness, how each one of them affects the man, a husband or a woman and breaks up

00:27:00--> 00:27:01

with examples.

00:27:02--> 00:27:06

Each one of them directly leads is led to the breakup of marriages.

00:27:09--> 00:27:12

This is why it's really important those of you who are not married

00:27:14--> 00:27:19

and those of you who are married, don't worry, you can still work on them. It's never too late.

00:27:20--> 00:27:25

It's a lifelong process. But that's a really important aspect to consider.

00:27:26--> 00:27:30

Because it has a direct link like if you have marriage for example, husband wife,

00:27:31--> 00:27:32


00:27:33--> 00:27:38

both of them have worked on their hearts or are working on the house.

00:27:40--> 00:27:51

And one of the really important aspect is selflessness, the bread blame will be a bad character trait is selfishness.

00:27:52--> 00:27:57

Selfishness, the opposite of that is word selflessness ethos.

00:27:58--> 00:28:12

So the bad quality is selfishness. Just me myself, me myself. I am it's just my money and my, my comfort and this is just about me. Not thinking about anyone's comfort at all.

00:28:14--> 00:28:35

The praise Praiseworthy, the opposite traits that we need to acquire is ethos, which the Sahaba of the Allahu under Mr. Howell messages are a lovely sentiment, a lot of talks about the business of a love a sentiment that ye can send him for. Allah mentioned certain job descriptions, and one of them send us a TV. Whether the virus of

00:28:37--> 00:28:39

posting get to it might have been

00:28:41--> 00:28:48

terrible what happened with this person's opinion on four or five cases? That seems slightly different, but there's four main objectives.

00:28:50--> 00:29:07

One of them was, you said key him Allah sent Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam Sallam to spiritually purify the heart of the sahaba. And this is why we say the Sahaba are all spiritually purified because the word Allah's Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

00:29:08--> 00:29:10

he failed his job.

00:29:12--> 00:29:15

So he spiritually purified almost

00:29:17--> 00:29:17

every single one

00:29:19--> 00:29:25

of your loved one. So, these companions Allah talks about

00:29:27--> 00:29:33

that there was spiritually purified and by this quality for example, selflessness was in the room

00:29:34--> 00:29:36

when Ocala sauce

00:29:37--> 00:29:52

These are amazing, amazing companions that they had this quality character trait this attribute of ethos of self listless to such an extent that they

00:29:53--> 00:29:59

preferred others over them even if they had to remain hungry. When was his worst review?

00:30:00--> 00:30:04

There's a couple of instruments, because I wish this was was actually, you

00:30:05--> 00:30:06

know, the famous story.

00:30:08--> 00:30:08

The unsavoury

00:30:10--> 00:30:12

and somebody came in the messages are lovely. He

00:30:14--> 00:30:20

said, Okay, let's hear his guest. Somebody said yes, I'll take him home when you get home, no food,

00:30:22--> 00:30:25

no food at all. Only one person's food to eat.

00:30:26--> 00:30:28

He never even WhatsApp his wife

00:30:29--> 00:30:31

and to bring in some guests.

00:30:33--> 00:30:35

Messages are lovely since I will entertain.

00:30:37--> 00:30:38

The story is famous story.

00:30:40--> 00:30:51

The children were crying this put the children to sleep and then the lamp was on and he just mistakenly what he did. But he pretended to hit the lamp. So the guest doesn't even realize that he's not eating.

00:30:55--> 00:30:58

You know, on the money left, and

00:30:59--> 00:31:07

the lap was there and he just hated pretending it's accidental. The room went dark, and the test is eating and he's pretending he's eating.

00:31:09--> 00:31:15

This is amazing. Doing a favor on someone a lot, even letting them know of the favor. Because

00:31:18--> 00:31:27

nowadays, we do something that we've been reluctant to remind them of the 200 years ago, but I remember in 1993 one day that opened the door

00:31:32--> 00:31:33

this is also a sin.

00:31:35--> 00:31:35

It's called

00:31:37--> 00:31:41

showing or reminding someone of Vegas is

00:31:44--> 00:31:44

condemned this

00:31:46--> 00:31:54

afternoon lion LogMeIn golden PLS, you want to admit nano was mostly

00:31:55--> 00:31:58

when people said it will be high data.

00:31:59--> 00:32:01

Types of people, one of them said Allah.

00:32:03--> 00:32:03

Allah is

00:32:04--> 00:32:12

the One who reminds you a famous. So this is what is happening did another story, and I'm sure you've heard of that story as well.

00:32:14--> 00:32:38

She was a battlefield and what's happened, and the messages I love I even sent him. Sorry. So there was these companions, one of them was gasping for water, somebody took the water. And he heard his brother saying I need water. To my brother. He mentioned the second one he had taken him when he went to the third one is nuts. So his soul left in his body came back to the second.

00:32:40--> 00:32:43

Martin came to the first one. He's also written to us.

00:32:45--> 00:32:49

regarding this incident, as I mentioned, both of these stories about St. Louis.

00:32:52--> 00:33:18

They give preference upon themselves, what kind of him classes, even if they remain humble. So this selflessness, if you take a marriage, for example, if both parties in a marriage, husband and wife enter a marriage, and they both work, have worked, or are working on the house, and they are selfless. They make the marriage all about new yourself. You are not me myself.

00:33:20--> 00:33:52

I've taught the Marriage Course many, many times over many years, and many people sometimes have asked me okay, this in 100 pages, or we've done like set seven weeks or six weeks or eight weeks of studying the whole American spirit of marriage, etc. What would you say is a summary? People have asked this. And I've always said that all of this, you know, the spiritual aspects of the marriage and all the teachings are there if you want to summarize everything into one night, a prosperous marriage, and this is not just marriage, every relationship

00:33:53--> 00:34:05

you can apply this to that I've said this in terms of marriage, that a prosperous marriage will be the one where each party makes that relationship all about us.

00:34:06--> 00:34:46

All about the man it is a marriage, not thinking about what how good food to cook for him, how much you know she repressing speech for him to do this kind of man. I think Mother knows everything. He doesn't think about that. Here to the marriage. I want to serve a female slave of Allah spine I want to become I want to take him to Omaha. I want to encourage him through looking after protecting after a female sale for me. It's all about giving, giving, giving. And remember, it's all about giving you and receive anyway, because that's the nature of human beings you give you receive.

00:34:47--> 00:34:53

And the wife also entered into a marriage all about serving others been looking at doing

00:34:54--> 00:34:59

big, loyal wife, and companion. It's all about just giving

00:35:00--> 00:35:10

If the Spirit is all about selflessness automatically, it's an amazing relationship and the cake, and that will be with every relationship.

00:35:11--> 00:35:16

Every relationship, whether it's a family relationship or outside the outside the

00:35:17--> 00:35:20

employer employee, take the same example.

00:35:22--> 00:35:25

The employer enters into a contract with the employee

00:35:27--> 00:35:31

and thinks only about the rights of the employee.

00:35:33--> 00:35:45

And likewise, opposite a landlord and a tenant. Wait a minute, a world where everyone just thinks about their own rocks. And that's a problem. All of us again, animalistic, tricking the duck,

00:35:46--> 00:35:47


00:35:48--> 00:35:50

sufficient selfishness.

00:35:51--> 00:35:52

That's why

00:35:53--> 00:36:00

you have a landlord that only thinks about the landlord. As long as they don't even know how it feels to pretend.

00:36:02--> 00:36:11

The only thing is just like, you know, our brains are split. Like I only live in that world of being a landlord. I don't even know how it feels to be attempt ever.

00:36:13--> 00:36:27

Even though probably I was a tenant one day, a long time ago, but completely forgotten. That's how human beings are we just, you know, achieve conditional love. It could be amazing. As well as it could be lost.

00:36:29--> 00:36:33

A mother You know, don't invoke classic problem of Titus.

00:36:35--> 00:36:39

One of the oldest problem of this universe

00:36:42--> 00:36:51

the mother in law only thinks about it looks like the child's brain is only there to an appeal. Just understand the role of being a mother.

00:36:53--> 00:37:03

She just doesn't know how it feels to be even long time ago, she needs to be turned on but she's forgotten selection become a species in another brains just forgotten.

00:37:05--> 00:37:08

She's forgotten completely that when she was a daughter in law, she was

00:37:09--> 00:37:30

arguing with her husband about home and when I'm assuming the mother in law now it's all about her rights. Me myself, my rights, my rights. And this duty No, she's only thinks about being the daughter. No, she doesn't remember that she loves she doesn't realize that she's got a two year old baby in 20 years time he's gonna get married.

00:37:31--> 00:37:38

And then you're gonna have a built in dopamine in your house. But then you switch then you become the mother in law and you forget that you were once a daughter.

00:37:40--> 00:37:42

This is all selfishness.

00:37:43--> 00:37:55

Just looking at it from one from just my rice, every relationship and that's why the marital relationship we have problems because people are just thinking about it from them.

00:37:56--> 00:38:06

And this is why I said that the prosperous marriage and people have asked what's the summary of all it said that a good marriage will be worth each party

00:38:08--> 00:38:13

enters into the marriage with the spirit of giving

00:38:15--> 00:38:20

the spirit of giving making it all about governments making it a setup

00:38:22--> 00:38:23

to the extent

00:38:25--> 00:38:26


00:38:27--> 00:38:31

without being explicit but to the extent that the Hadith calls into the system.

00:38:33--> 00:38:35

This is a very deep and unique

00:38:37--> 00:38:40

unless you do some lovely things.

00:38:41--> 00:38:45

Well, he will have you sign up at

00:38:48--> 00:38:50

the end of this very intelligent

00:38:51--> 00:38:51


00:38:57--> 00:38:58

room in my office

00:39:00--> 00:39:03

we call it as we had in Santa Clarita, hated in Santa

00:39:05--> 00:39:06


00:39:09--> 00:39:22

What we both have become Santa Barbara is at the center one of you engaging in intimate relationships, intimate relationship with your spouse. That is also sadaqa

00:39:25--> 00:39:31

what does that mean? Even the intimacy between husband and wife should be about

00:39:33--> 00:39:34

shouldn't be about yourself.

00:39:37--> 00:39:39

When you're out in the field or the shower

00:39:43--> 00:39:59

you should be all about giving not about self gratification. Not Me Me, me me. Once you go into the even that aspect of the relationship with that spirit. There's no fights and problems as long as like you know even in the chef on this key moment. morale has shot

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

He's not getting to see me, you know, calls home

00:40:03--> 00:40:10

a man after My son has come to my wife, and it's been so long that you didn't, none of these problems because it's all about what

00:40:11--> 00:40:20

it's all about yourself. It's all about getting all these problems we haven't because everyone's just in it for themselves as animals.

00:40:22--> 00:40:25

So this whole new Asha branch

00:40:37--> 00:40:44

right, you can go ahead and I can buy from you when I get tired. And I don't realize I still want to finish. I think so.

00:40:45--> 00:40:47

I don't have an important I don't know what happens.

00:40:50--> 00:40:52

So just because other people

00:40:54--> 00:41:07

smoke, I don't have a habit of long talks, even though I was in Sydney over the last two days. And I told them exactly we're gonna finish at this time. So people know mentally as well. This is part of the teachings of Rachel, Marcia is

00:41:09--> 00:41:32

that you don't just continuously talk talk talk and the people that they don't know, should I establish a golden, you know, should mentally prepared you know, some of the lectures outside of our society settings, there's a time period that this is what the connection is from this time to this time the people that need to do something that make sure they do it afterwards. So should have the same thing you should get entitlements.

00:41:33--> 00:41:34

And then they just spend more money to shop.

00:41:36--> 00:41:36

So this

00:41:38--> 00:41:45

more Asha branch is a really important branch of Islam. And it's connected to this

00:41:46--> 00:41:48

branch does get off

00:41:50--> 00:41:55

every relationship we take is part of the Maharaja branch.

00:41:57--> 00:41:58

And I said my Isola was on the word

00:42:00--> 00:42:01

which is living with people

00:42:02--> 00:42:05

live with people, we have to we have to

00:42:07--> 00:42:32

we have to exercise and also one other people we can talk about a lot of things but another thing so I talked about selfishness this other thing that has a direct impact and link a very important part of this module and our dealings and our communication with others is when we are fulfilling the rights what intention do we have?

00:42:33--> 00:42:34

Why are we

00:42:37--> 00:42:48

this is again connected to this talk has become such automatically that we've connected more Asha with dusky one of the test key aspects is not sincerity, doing things for the sake of Allah.

00:42:50--> 00:42:56

Very, very important branch of Islam very important teachings of Islam. You know, famous Hadith The first

00:42:58--> 00:42:59

and most books,

00:43:00--> 00:43:00

I'm sure

00:43:02--> 00:43:10

he will be near immediate actions or quality intentions. This means that we must be sincere, do everything.

00:43:11--> 00:43:14

We offer salah the Hadith says when Salah Euro

00:43:15--> 00:43:30

whoever prays for love to show committed kind of maintaining ship. So if lost interest, Mr. Clausen miyetti Making the knee appeal. That's what he means across his heartfully it's now Sunni.

00:43:31--> 00:43:40

purifying the intention, doing something for the sake of Allah that's one that branch branch does. Remember the four branches

00:43:42--> 00:43:50

Baghdad worship and then this one, masha Allah financial dealings and this is here.

00:43:51--> 00:44:13

So here we talked about selflessness, a very important part of this branch having a direct impact on this motion. Another very important teaching of this fourth branch is doing things for the sake of Allah having a direct impact directly to this motion. When we are nice to people, why are we doing this?

00:44:15--> 00:44:25

When we are fulfilling the rights of our parents, why are we feeding the rats? Why would we tell our children why we control our children

00:44:26--> 00:44:40

and what's what's driving the car and the car in front of me another bag like a sticker, look after your children because they are going to be the ones who will choose your caring home for the old.

00:44:41--> 00:44:59

Are you looking after your children because somebody will come to you and you're giving a gift to someone because you think they will give you a return back? Are you going to somebody's wedding because then they will come to your wedding. I went to somebody's funeral because you want them to come to you

00:45:00--> 00:45:25

Think I smiled at someone and it's a business mind because you want some people. These are all questions and messages on a lower incidence anybody nowadays suddenly was seen to be MacArthur. Allah Keenan Watson, and let me put you Who was the one who maintains relationship ties, the one who designated as a

00:45:26--> 00:45:27

McCarthy as a

00:45:29--> 00:45:29


00:45:31--> 00:45:33

That's my transition.

00:45:35--> 00:45:37

There is a Washington Catholic,

00:45:39--> 00:45:44

the one who maintain ties, we are good to people as a

00:45:45--> 00:45:46

as a return.

00:45:48--> 00:45:51

That's no real maintaining of us. Is that how you can say, Hey,

00:45:52--> 00:45:54

Lisa Watson

00:45:55--> 00:45:59

will occasionally Lawson, a lady who tiada who was

00:46:00--> 00:46:10

the real maintainer of ties, it is the one when others break up relationships, if others are not good to you, or stupid.

00:46:11--> 00:46:14

That's me called maintainable times easy to read.

00:46:17--> 00:46:22

Everywhere there's a famous statement, hello, everyone says this. I looked at the people who are good to me.

00:46:24--> 00:46:26

They all say this. So much is good.

00:46:30--> 00:46:40

If you wouldn't be doing that, you know, what? A super animals. Of course, that's just normal. What's the big deal? I'm good to people who are good to us.

00:46:43--> 00:47:02

I am good to people who are not good to me. That's that's the real objective. Of course, to accept full extent. That's everything in balance. Does it mean if somebody like I said in the beginning, someone's going to punch me and hit me and abused me? And I'm simple to them? I'm not saying that. Of course, there's an extent but in general ways.

00:47:03--> 00:47:08

If someone doesn't call you somebody who doesn't smile.

00:47:10--> 00:47:15

You smile at them. Someone businesses around you, you say around to them? How do you say?

00:47:19--> 00:47:31

And by the will be salami, but you will keep the one who's commencing the sheets is almost free from delegates. We usually say someone's not nice to me. I mean, I

00:47:32--> 00:47:33

don't know.

00:47:34--> 00:47:36

So this is this is the connection.

00:47:37--> 00:47:41

A great example of this is why we give gifts.

00:47:44--> 00:47:49

Get a song and and give a gift to someone you should be exclusively for the sake of

00:47:50--> 00:47:56

no other multiband you go to somebody's wedding, you give them a gift.

00:47:57--> 00:47:57


00:47:58--> 00:48:00

you invite people for walima?

00:48:01--> 00:48:10

No, not because of name not because of faith, not because of popularity, not because of image in the community. Nobody's going to write a book about your great value.

00:48:11--> 00:48:20

Honestly, nobody's showing up. It isn't. Honestly, nobody cares about how big wedding you have. And I tell you

00:48:22--> 00:48:23

know, people when they get married,

00:48:24--> 00:48:25

you got money

00:48:26--> 00:48:31

spent on yourself on a smaller wedding and go with your wife for a holiday

00:48:32--> 00:48:37

spending on you. You know, the amount of money that people spend.

00:48:40--> 00:48:42

So much money we spend.

00:48:45--> 00:49:03

For the sake of others, for the sake of others. No, that means for the sake of others, charity hamdulillah great giving a gift to someone great. So much money we spend, not on others, we're spending for ourselves, but for the sake of others.

00:49:05--> 00:49:09

You got to come just to show off the spending money on the car

00:49:10--> 00:49:17

is for others. You put in some nice idle wheels and tires, just so that people nobody was going to write a book about your ideas.

00:49:19--> 00:49:25

What is that going to do? Even mentally doesn't make sense. What does praise do?

00:49:27--> 00:49:41

If someone praises us, what if Imagine if every time someone pays you and you've got you know, every time someone said You're amazing, you suddenly got $10 in your pocket. You're amazing. You're amazing teller.

00:49:43--> 00:49:47

That might sound crazy. But if someone pays me and nothing physically,

00:49:49--> 00:49:53

they said once your measuring is gone, they're like maybe it's recorded.

00:49:54--> 00:49:56

If he could be recording this, go home and

00:49:59--> 00:49:59


00:50:00--> 00:50:13

When I was going to do what difference and someone criticizes and live witness something wrong with us, what is it, it doesn't change anything. This time, you know, praise of the people.

00:50:15--> 00:50:20

I've said to the Lord, learn to be happy without others knowing about your life.

00:50:22--> 00:50:28

Learn to be happy with your own narrow, you don't need anyone to praise your car showing up with a car or anything.

00:50:31--> 00:50:44

Some, some people they complain about financial, you know that it's very typical financial settlement. If we cut down on the cost and the money we spend on things, which is just to show off

00:50:46--> 00:50:47

half of our financial problems there's

00:50:50--> 00:51:02

so many things we do, there's no benefit for us in it is just for that you're amazing, you got a great car, you've got a great house, you've got a great this pregnant that which doesn't do anything.

00:51:03--> 00:51:04

There's no benefit.

00:51:05--> 00:51:17

So when you get a gift, why are we doing that? The Quran says if you're giving a gift, so that you get a return gift back, that's actually the number on it, to me, the river near who have your money nurse

00:51:20--> 00:51:23

do not give a gift. So that

00:51:24--> 00:51:27

when some they give you a gift, they give you a passage,

00:51:28--> 00:51:29

that's not the transaction.

00:51:30--> 00:51:33

Giving the gift already for the sake of Allah.

00:51:35--> 00:51:36

I once you know,

00:51:39--> 00:51:44

told my family putting money in an envelope to get it.

00:51:45--> 00:51:46

Right, right. This time

00:51:48--> 00:52:06

they put your tripod, whatever notes into an envelope, give it to the person who's looking at married from you, obviously upon such and such, you shall be graduating too much. Too often. That's a good objective, to get someone to give them you want them to know you're given it so that they will go off. But sometimes as a form of

00:52:09--> 00:52:19

training, give a gift to sometimes to people that they don't even know you've given. Nobody knows only Allah knows, nobody knows.

00:52:20--> 00:52:40

Certain things we should do, must be part of our life. That for example is top of mind is not part of that, because you guys are hearing me talk, we offering Salah in front of someone that there's a scene, there must be certain things that we do, no one knows rather than our family

00:52:41--> 00:52:46

lives, there must be some charity, something at your bucket.

00:52:48--> 00:52:54

I give a classic example that sometimes you know when we are driving and are coming to the end of my talk, but when we are driving.

00:52:55--> 00:52:59

And you know, when we drive, there's a lot of traffic. Sometimes

00:53:01--> 00:53:06

if someone's for example, and we have very small streets in some of our UK,

00:53:07--> 00:53:08

towns and cities

00:53:11--> 00:53:16

and you come to a traffic light or a busy road and you know someone's traveling, and they give you the flashlight you go

00:53:18--> 00:53:24

there's a complete stranger letting you go the superclass and that's

00:53:25--> 00:53:50

because they don't know you, you don't know them, they know I am going to talk about them they're not you're never going to see them ever in your life. Like it's just completely random. Sometimes they do it basically because they feel good. We have this extra motive is for Allah and you let them go and you go and that's it. It just is so this is so amazing because it's there's no other object.

00:53:52--> 00:54:09

So this is doing things for the sake of Allah loves giving a gift for the sake of Allah. This also has a connection. When we have this this is a class it is from this category will fall category directly to marshmallow.

00:54:10--> 00:54:18

Be nice to your spouse, be nice to parents, not because you want something from your parents don't have your parents because you want inheritance.

00:54:20--> 00:54:27

So many times people do things because all of them get this inheritance or get this get this get this

00:54:28--> 00:54:36

Don't be good to children because you want him up on them to come to you when you're a child of the old age. Don't look at your wife because he wants her to cook you

00:54:38--> 00:54:41

know because your husband because you want him to take you for a holiday

00:54:43--> 00:54:46

etc etc. Don't be good to your boss because when a promotion

00:54:48--> 00:54:52

don't happen ulterior motive for any relationship do

00:54:54--> 00:55:00

so that's a second point for today are to connect the people that are coming to my mind

00:55:00--> 00:55:18

Nobody shall come to the end because time is up. May Allah Subhana Allah grant us the ability to, you know, have these relationships, improve our relationships, whether it's within the family and verdicts within the society, within the community amongst ourselves.

00:55:22--> 00:55:38

Family Relationship, a good solid relationship between family members, relatives, extended families, you see, the closer we are, the greater the chance of problems. We have more problems with people close to us, because we are dealing with a more

00:55:40--> 00:55:40


00:55:42--> 00:55:43

an accordion,

00:55:45--> 00:55:46

an accordion

00:55:48--> 00:55:53

and a 510. Akon, relatives are like scorpions

00:55:56--> 00:55:57

not supposed to.

00:55:58--> 00:56:06

It's the more close you are the more fights I've never, you know, had a random fight to do with you or with brother there.

00:56:08--> 00:56:24

We don't talk to each other. But we have disputes in price and people close to us, the more close they are, the greater the challenge and going back to the beginning of the topic. We are human beings, social beings, we live with people, the more we live people, the more is going to

00:56:25--> 00:56:48

be attached, Salah patience, and working on the summary is somewhat somebodies want us to copy the summer is also part of this French, Southern class. Three things suburb a class sizes. If we are listed this message from this book, that is three qualities that I really want to work.

00:56:49--> 00:57:20

We can give ourselves we don't need anyone, you know, to go to get guidance, etc. But the basics of these things. It's easy. It's very easy. You can read books on this topic and you can start, we take make this intention but these three things I'm going to try my best to inculcate into my number one seller, number one, and number two, self lessness and number three is loss of me, being sincere doing things for the sake of Allah. Allah grant us all these countries