Blessed Union Of Marriage

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Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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At hamdulillah.

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Without any doubt me Sharon and fusina Dr. Medina

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Why should

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the pseudo

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Mohammed binary

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living in

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a home with

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a loving mother even

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about played

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back

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especially brothers and sisters

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hammered into full price for lots of the island.

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Pleasure to be here and an honor to be here in Newcastle.

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It's the first time I've actually come to Newcastle to give a talk.

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I did come once a long time ago,

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a long, long time ago. But in terms of giving the talk, this is the first time and Newcastle normally it's part of the way for us. It's not even in England, starting in Scotland, it is somewhere in the middle. And we call it it's in the

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in the

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you know, the bursa is an integer.

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Between two things Bowser is alive, which is between Hellfire

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and COVID, but it's in the middle. So we don't really know where it is. And it's out of the way. And we know we don't normally travel to New Castle. So 111

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invited me and invited us to come, I thought it's a good opportunity to come to your class and inshallah we have to accept this effort is endeavor organizing this event.

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The topic normally pulls the crowd, especially more sisters and brothers. This is normally the case everywhere that I go.

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Marriage is a very important topic. Like all the topics of Islam Are we all know Islam is a moderate religion. Islam is a religion that's balanced, it's the teachings of Islam are quite balanced. When we say balanced, they are in between the extremes found in all the various different faiths and religions.

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That's why we say

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over Titus to the straight path, the direct the middle way, the balanced path, which is related to the body path, which is in the middle, which is the middle way the parent story, which is in between the two extremes, they will all the teachings of Islam, from our appeal from our belief to the way we zeca charity, and all the rules of business and trade and marriage and inheritance. As you know, Islam is a complete way of life. It's not just a religion, that we carry out certain modes and forms of worship. It's a complete way of life. So all the teachings of Islam are balanced. And marriage is no different.

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The way Islam looks at a nigga Who was he watched the perspective of Islam, the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah in regards to marriage, very balanced, the approach of Islam to marriage is a very modular approach.

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What is that approach? It's between two extremes. One extreme you will have in certain faith communities as well. Marriage is considered to be a any form of fulfilling of one's desires and needs is considered to be wrong, sinful evil.

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It's totally wrong in some ways. That's why in order for a individual to become a pious, righteous practicing Muslim believer,

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a practicing believer someone who, who wants to or desires to become devout, someone who wants to attain closest to God, someone who wants to attain proximity to God in order to become righteous and be

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Vout in some faiths, you have to live a life of service.

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You have to live a life of celibacy. We have the nuns who don't marry all the lives. And we have the bishops who don't marry and you know, the pope doesn't marry and all of that. A lot of them the Archbishop and the bishops, because that's the approach to marriage. Because fulfilling of one's desires, there's no right way to do it. They consider it to be wrong, evil, something filthy, dirty, there's no correct or there's no right way of fulfilling one's human human desires, the desires of the human pig.

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So any, anything can connect you to marriage, anything to do with fulfilling one's sexual needs and desires, it's considered to be wrong. And that's why they live a life of celibacy, the understanding that approaches that in order for a person to become pious and righteous and godly and devout, they must live a life of celibacy. That's one extreme, we have another extreme,

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which is that

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there are no restrictions. you fulfill your desires in any way, shape, or form you want in any way, whether through a long way, or

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whether in a lawful manner, whether

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whether we, you know, through marriage or through fornication, adultery was zero. And then there are no limits. The extreme goes to the extreme, where people fulfill their designs with whoever whenever whatever. I say whatever, in this day and age, you know, and that's when we have a sexuality and all these things come up. It's just fulfilling. There's no restrictions that are no, no limits to someone saying that.

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Islam takes the middle, balanced way, the middle approach, that the extreme of living a life of celibacy, which is called sabula. There's a Hadith of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam recorded in the center for remember Buddha would say,

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la Samudra, Islam has two meanings. One of the meanings of the word sola is there is no celibacy spa. Islam does not encourage Islam does not encourage living a life of celibacy. Islam says get married, it's actually an act of worshiping Allah. So the middle approach is that there is no self fulfilling one design.

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And creator created us. He knows humans better than humans know themselves, he knows us better than we know of themselves. And it's absolutely natural. And normal, is part of what it's like to get married and Fulfill my desires. And to go against that is actually it's actually challenging the, the natural disposition, the natural

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disposition and the nature upon which are created human beings. So if you go against that, and you're challenging the photo, and that's why what happens, you can never live a life of celibacy, even those who say we want to become godly and devout. We have to live a life of celibacy. What happens? We all know what happens stories all the time in the news, that this person did this, and this person did that. The ones who to try to live a life of service, they don't own like all their lives, but things happen. You know what I'm talking about, right? I don't need to be explicit. So this is this is an extremely strong sense that amongst other creatures, he knows us better. He knows

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us best. This is the nature

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of the human being, that

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he needs a or she needs a human needs to fulfill their needs in a rightful way. But at the same time, on the other hand, there are limits that are

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that are linked.

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And the limits of such that you need to have a marriage needs to be done in the right way. It needs to be done with commitment in their rights and responsibilities that are Hoku, the rights of the husband rights of the wife. So this is the middle middle approach that Islam takes with regards to marriage. And this is why, as I said,

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there is no celibacy, Islam, Islam, all the profits of a panel data besides

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all of the merits of not just the Messenger of Allah sallallahu sallam, but it's a sum of all the prophets of Allah, all except to 32 prophets who did not remember

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you know what they are

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calling anybody

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besides adding insult

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to injury

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As they call it, that's one prophet who actually, our people hoping etc, will return and then he shall marry and have children upon his return. And another prophet is peace be upon him. But

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besides these two prophets, what are sent to them in public,

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as virtually all the prophets we sent, not just we married them,

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we mark them off, and also which is virgin, we appointed wives and spouses, and children, Maria family, that family, so all the properties, and this is what Islam considers marriage to be an act of a birth, an act of worship.

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Marriage is what this is a program for our communities.

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We think marriage is a worldly thing. And certainly it's something to do with our culture. Islam does not look at marriage as a mundane worldly activity, it's an a burden.

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To think about. Marriage is what there's no difference between sort of

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a marriage.

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It's a very bird worshipping Allah. It's a means of attaining proximity to Allah. It's not a word with if it's not just to fulfill desires. In that sense. It's actually an act of rebirth of worshiping Allah, it's a spiritual part of our life. And that's what we need to we forget to realize this, within its power. And that's what happens in our marriage ceremonies in our because we think it's, it's to do with our personal life. For a Muslim, there's no personal and religious life, everything's religious. He said, our lives revolve around Islam, from eight to seven, for a Muslim, but we think it's part of our culture. So we'll have all the different cultures carrying out their

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marriage ceremony in a way of their culture. And then sins are committed. And it's considered to be a normal, just a worldly activity, a mundane work activity. There are people who are far away distant from Islam at the time of marriage, just visit a mosque as part of the culture. It's just the culture

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is an act of paper, the marriages worshiping,

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it's an activity whether it's as soon as the messenger

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the messenger sort of love, it was sort of once had

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a famous Hadith where he addressed the youth.

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And he said young

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man is

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zoned for in a

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woman, let me stop it. At the soul level, we just, he was addressing the youth and he said, sometimes used to have a youth program, and he would adjust the youth. Sometimes he would just address the women, the congregation would just women. So in this instance, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam addressing the young people said, All group of young people, whoever amongst you is able and capable of married, but let us know which lets you marry, he should know she should marry whoever is capable of married, don't delay it, because it preserves your eyesight. He calls your modesty. He gives you chastity in your life. It makes you a good righteous Muslim.

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Woman in this topic,

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whoever is not capable or able to marry because of certain reasons, or maybe for the time being, somebody is not able because he's not actually in a position to marry. And the messenger sallallahu

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alayhi wa sallam he should fast because fasting acts as a shield. And this is how you cause a lot of commentary. But the point here is that marriage is considered to be

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a form of worshiping Allah, I'm happy.

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So we need to remember brothers and sisters, marriage is an act of this act of worshipping Allah subhanaw taala. Okay, this is a very important point, we need to remember. Remember this point, a lot of people forget. Marriage is an act of paper, one of the demands of the oma. He says that there's only one. He says there's only two verado one acts of worship that have been prescribed by models of handle data. From the day he created the world from the time of undermining salatu salam, till the time of the Messenger of Allah Are you settling and till the next life and even in Paradise, there's no act of worship.

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That will remain until the next day. So we pray this slide. And then in the next slide, there is no prey unless you want to run through the prey. But normally generally, there's no there's no, there's no hatch. There's only one act of worship.

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prescribe from them, it is harder to set up till the time of the message

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to send them to the next slide, even agenda, even in paradigms, people who like to act as a burden which will remain even in the next day. So it's an act of a verb. And this is the reason why,

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because it's an act of reverse the whole marriage ceremony and this is what I want to really focus upon the whole marriage ceremony. And everything related to marriage has to be in the spirit of it being a river.

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It's been a Sunnah of the messenger of Apostle of love.

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Ah, is it and that's why if you look in the marriage ceremony,

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like you're offering Salah,

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in a marriage ceremony, when people go to the ministry, or wherever you have the marriage ceremony, the man who conducts the marriage contracts,

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he recites the hot versus cold the hot metal hatch is famous. This is a son of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, after which in which, after praising Obama's final guide and sending blessings in the Messenger of Allah, there are three verses recited, how many verses are cited three verses, after which you can read many headings of the message.

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But the sooner is to recite three verses from the for

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those of you who are married, you probably know those verses, unfortunately, are people who are married, they've gone through the marriage ceremony, they still don't have a clue what the verses are. But this is this is the problem because for many of us, Islam is just a cultural thing. Because I was born in a Bangladeshi or Pakistani or Indian or Arab or Somalia family, it's just okay. I'm a Muslim by chance by accident, okay, you know, whatever happens in the family, marriage happens, okay? What will happen is you will go to the masjid. And then this happens that happens every culture have their own kind of marriage ceremony, it's more of a cultural thing than Islamic thing.

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And this is a big problem in our societies in our communities.

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Because our we, many of us, especially the born Muslims,

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are Muslims because of, but some of them are just by chance by accident. I've actually met many people who

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don't really know what Islam is telling the truth if I challenge you, if you ask me for really, really be I don't really know. I don't know what's going on. It's just hasmonean Pakistani family, my parents, things happen you know, the way my brother got married, they go to the mosque, you know, Ramadan comes, it's possible to it's a cultural

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celebration. You know, it's a problem seriously, because we point fingers sometimes other Christians believe people are atheist, really, not all the time. So these people don't really believe it just by, you know, by name of Christians, they don't really believe

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how many of us are truly Muslims. We say they celebrate Christmas, many of Muslim so called Muslims. The only time that Muslims is an online community celebration of reasons. It's like a cultural festival more than a religious festival. In Islam, eighth is a religious celebration. It's more to do with spiritual celebration than external celebration. It is when you worship a man in the middle of the night, you know, later to Jerry's. That's what he does about. And then you go to the mat first thing in the masjid first thing in the morning with a son and it's a religious celebration, you can have some external celebration. But then if a person is offering is celebrating, or not

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offering a lower price and motivation he did, there's no celebration.

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If you do not offer if I do not offer if we do not offer our thoughts and prayers on a day, there is no wedding celebration. That's like someone who's an atheist like the Christians who just happens to go to the Midnight Mass they have and that's it and then just do whatever they want all day long. Since

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there's no news is coming and offering Eat Pray, you know, eat sama, for example. You know, this is off topic. I'm gonna go back to my topic, but you know, a family reunion for each size. What is the ruling?

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Because that's just disrespectful. Those who are not scholars.

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What's the ruling like, Is it far is it was it was it sooner? What is it?

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It's what,

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what's

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what's before actually, there's two opinions, the mainstream majority opinion, especially the Hanafi opinion, it's, it's worth according to some schools of thought, like human nature, very human environment with 100 mimetic, it's sooner, sooner to emphasize on some say,

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as soon

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as

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you rather feel like you will choose between the two. You're either play or some other creature or not often,

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if you were choosing between the two

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but

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For a Muslim to think not go for it. So why why are you then going for it? So I'm not going to talk about because more people come their way nice tells. It's because that becomes a cultural celebration. Rather than a religious celebration, you are religiously happy. If you were celebrating from a religious perspective, you'd be gone for more than pizza. Because it's a cultural thing. You go for a salad because now people are meeting Yes, food, afternoon family, it's become more of a cultural thing. And that's what we need to realize that we need to emphasize this point to the people. our whole lives need to revolve around smart cities in our lives. From the moment you wake

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up to the moment we go to sleep, everything, not just marriage, even the way we do our business dealings. These are topics you know, each topic requires a lot of detail. I did recently a talk in London villaggio business transactions in Islam. That was the title by the way. Even though business transaction sometimes all of us we think Islam is nothing to do with our business. Every part of our business transaction, the rules of Islam attached, we need to learn about the laws of Islam in regards to business and trade. Before we can even do business and trade. selling alcohol is an absolutely no go area in that's the black and white of the rules of Islam. Absolutely, categorically

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forbidden. However, Islam for a Muslim to sell alcohol and make money, that money is filthy is absolutely dirty. It's Haram. Anything purchased with it is horrible. any food you're eating is haram. any food seriously, any food you eat, you can eat vegetables, but if you've bought and vegetables through how many that vegetable is like poop? Seriously, I'm not joking. You know, sometimes people like they go to the shops, and they look at the ingredients. And I see people get obsessed with some ingredients 34962 ethical ingredients, asking for the money you're going to take off in your pocket. Right?

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That money, where is it? Is it paradin Kumar,

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he 496 is the same as just eating pork doesn't make a difference how long Islam is not just ingredients, it's two things, the ingredients, as well as the money used to purchase that item. If a husband is bringing in our income, the ruling of Islam is that it's actually unlawful for the children and wife if they're practicing to actually eat from that money.

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It's actually it's actually not encouraging the most. But it's actually a strong grounds for a woman to seek divorce. If because there's no financial support. And financial support means however income husband is not providing her income, then the ruling is that should give him enough time and money to bring her income. Otherwise, I'm going to seek a divorce.

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That's how it is. So marriage is no different. Anyway, you come to the mercy of the hotel, we need to realize we should learn about marriage like everything else. A few years ago, but five, six years ago, I gave a whole course seven Sundays from nine in the morning till six in the evening, the federal marriage. This was in 2005, I think or 2004. I remember correctly.

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We have we had a whole seven equals h zenner. Marriage, people before marriage, we need to learn about marriage. There are rules in Islam that we need to learn about. It's not just okay, just get married just like that. There are rules we need to we need to learn about marriage, like everything else.

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And even recently, London just three or four months ago, five months ago, I gave a condensed course of that same course was just for four Saturdays. Once a month, I used to go to one of the colleges and Community College. And we did three days, not just marriage, but one day, we have three Saturdays, marriage, the form of marriage, and one day was a film called divorce. There are rules of divorce. And we also need to learn about just how many times

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I come across a lot of people. Now people living in a heroin relationship divorce has taken place. But they don't realize that one brother just recently a few months ago, he realized his marriage had ended 10 years ago, he didn't even know that it was a place.

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And then you realize that oh, this is the routing This is the facade This is the issue. Because it's very easy to escape from a story and and the funny thing is guys, scare you so much.

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But we need to realize I mean, I just feel very strong about this that we need to learn. So marriage is wrong. We need to we need to take it as a religious thing. As a form of thinking about men learn about and why what's happening, what's happening in the next year. What's the one who is the one who's the Guardian numerical system was assisted by the brother What's happening? The inom recites three verses in the homburger hash. You will not

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wahala

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I mean, has OSHA or does the Miramar region Cassio Cassio when he said, when some of the law had been intercepted, he was out of hand in

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verse number one, the second verse, some of the moments here we have in marriage ceremonies,

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tune in to suit and tie to status after a year you have

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been.

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Because time is very short. We're already three o'clock.

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Because we will culturally coming here as

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I said,

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I said, What time did you advertise the talks at two o'clock? That's a big mistake. If the talk is starting at two, when it's advertised at one,

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then people might just turn up.

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We need to have Muslim terminology.

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What kind of time Muslims not Asian time Muslims. were Muslims first before we're Asians, or whatever we are.

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But we have different ethnicities. It doesn't matter. You know, we always talk about am I British first or Muslim? First, you know, this big issue. For us were Muslims first and foremost, and we must enhance it. afterwards. It is a matter. We will talk about whether I'm British Muslim, Muslim first, but unfortunately, many of us are actually Indian or Pakistani and Bangladeshi. first before we are Muslims.

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Many of us in our lifestyle, we are first Bangladeshi or Pakistani or Indian or an Arab, African before we are Muslim. At that time, we don't talk about whether I'm a Bangladeshi person or Muslim. It's only with Britain, we talk about Muslims first. Everywhere our Islam comes before our culture, I should give a talk as well recently a few months ago in London,

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that being a culture

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to consider

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on YouTube or something, that Indian culture, what are those conflicts between Islam and culture, especially with regards to marriage, marriage and divorce, I went through a series of issues. So the three verses of

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three verses which are reciting in the marriage, certainly no time to translate, but there's one, these the verse and if you look at is the verse of the Quran, Surah Nisa, and other verses, they don't even mention they don't even have the mention of merrigan. Imagine the Messenger of Allah

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from the whole or he could have chosen any verse.

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He could have chosen and selected any words to restart at the time of marriage. There are many verses that talk about marriage.

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When cattlemen cover a woman in the study method,

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foil versus

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any witness to do with marriage could have been recited in the hotel, the sermon of nica and marriage, yet the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam chose chose to select three verses that do not even mention.

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Because they have nothing to do with marriage, or they have a lot to do with marriage, which is I will explain, but on the surface of it. Apparently, these races have nothing to do marriage. They're not even mentioned the guy. These three dresses has one thing in common, you know what that is?

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What's the word?

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What's the word that's coming in, you see versus somebody.

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Support is something that you can reach translate in English with one word, or a certain words in the Arabic language, you just can't translate them in any other language. To truly understand the true meaning of the word The more you need to understand Arabic. But the closest you can learn certain words in Arabic like fits in a duck or other. You just cannot translate them with one word. It's a word. You just can't translate it duck while we say the fear of Allah. But it's the fear of Allah. It's the consciousness of about alone watching you God consciousness. It's about the fact that basically in every step of an individual's life, he realizes or she realizes on every step of

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their life, that Allah Subhana Allah

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They know and the Creator is watching them, and they will be accountable, they will be responsible. They'll be accountable in the next next slide. For every thing they do what they say. That's the meaning of everything, every word, every statement that comes out from the mouth, every statement, any statement, verbal statement, or notice even anything you write.

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If this is what the why is that why is that a person individual, before saying anything? before writing anything, people were making gestures. And before doing anything, any action, they realize they understand that they will have to account for what they're saying, or the gesture that made of the rich, and the quote of a loved

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one even comma Ron pigeon attack. wildermann, hoffa Nakamura, a one who fears standing before his load in the next day, this is what we need to think about throughout our life, before every word that comes out from from talking to somebody, I used to think beforehand. And in the early sounds, a psychologist actually do that for our families to actually go through that training of thinking beforehand.

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And who knows?

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When someone needs to come and speak to him, he would look down for a few seconds, and then respond and answer straightaway. somebody's asking, oh, why do you do that? Why it doesn't take you like half a minute to respond. He said, Hector, I fell in love with calorie Oh, he's so good. Because so that I think for a moment, whether it's better for me to respond and speak or remain quiet.

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And he would never speak open his mouth unless he would realize the benefits in speaking facts while silence, the hiding of the message of

00:31:59--> 00:32:32

man came up to me and asked him to hire an assistant, the one who believes a lot on the final day, let him say that which is good, or let him remain quiet. If we don't have anything good to say, We shall remain quiet. So this is even before we say anything, or you write writing as well, now, we have the internet and on the forums, people are writing anything and everything. People on different forums, you know, coming out as like this available, maybe she's octillery, his Abdullah, his username is a new

00:32:33--> 00:33:13

username, you know, probably some, you know, Abdullah, Mohammed or some people, slander and so forth. And because of this internet phenomenon, that people think that we can get away with anything and everything, because it's just them in front of the computer. If you have someone in front of you probably scared or maybe it's shy, maybe embarrassed to say certain things, or maybe fearful that you might just get punched. But on the internet, nope, nothing's gonna happen. So people just, he just say anything and everything. nobody's really realized who you are watching. In that room in front of the screen. Allah is watching everything. And every letter that we type. Nowadays we are

00:33:14--> 00:33:19

on our phones, and you know, in our pockets, it's become even more easy.

00:33:21--> 00:33:26

Technology, the more we advanced in technology, the more easy it becomes to save face to remember,

00:33:27--> 00:33:42

the more easier before we have mobile phones, phones are those that are easy to communicate over the phone. Now, when we have mobile phones, it became easy to consume. And now we have iPhones, it's become even more easier to use.

00:33:44--> 00:33:56

It's more easy because now you have everything in your pocket, all the apps, you know, everything's in the pocket, all the different apps that you will go into. I was in California last week in America. That's what a person talking about.

00:33:57--> 00:34:06

You know, that's where the center of the whole industry of technology is. They in California in LA if you could that's

00:34:07--> 00:34:10

they've gone beyond iPhones. Everybody's got iPad.

00:34:13--> 00:34:14

Telling them I said I

00:34:15--> 00:34:32

just feel quite excited about iPhones. You guys are much ahead in technology, but it's literally every channel of iPhones and iPads emotions. So the more we advance in technology, the more easier it becomes to sit we should remember that.

00:34:34--> 00:34:59

So this is this is what the word that one means. Now I want to relate this Why did the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam chose to recite the three verses of tabla Why did he choose to discuss the one at a time of marriage? He should have talked about you know rights of the husband or the wife or talk about you know the love and mercy. You know, Jada, Laila Komodo Moroccan

00:35:00--> 00:35:46

famous verse that we have created love and mercy between the spouses or raising children, you know how to fulfill each other's rights? No, three verses of tough Why? The reason behind this, specially at a time of marriage, the recitation of the word versus of taqwa, the reminding of the person who's getting married, is because that word, okay? And I'm just going to use the term penguin. I'll explain to you why. So, no translation for it. I'll just use the Arabic and the Quranic term couple. toccoa is something that is required at all times in a person's life. But especially and particularly at the time of marriage, or becomes absolutely essential.

00:35:47--> 00:36:00

need we need to have this support this this consciousness, that's probably the closest transmission you can get this God consciousness, not just marriage, but we they say before the current taco,

00:36:01--> 00:36:01

taco,

00:36:02--> 00:36:03

a taco.

00:36:04--> 00:36:58

If we have this quality, is actually this characteristic of taqwa before marriage, at the time of marriage, and after marriage, specifically, in particularly after marriage, then we'll see that that marriage will be a marriage made in heaven, it will be a blessed union, it will be a blessed marriage. But on the contrary, if there is a lack of taqwa there is the absence of power, no matter how romantic you are, how much you think that yes, I'm perfect wife. I am the perfect husband. But if that's marriage lacks taqwa that marriage is more or less doomed for failure. Seriously, bad marriage is more or less doomed for failure. It's not gonna work, before marriage, at the time of

00:36:58--> 00:37:23

marriage, and specifically, particularly More importantly, post marriage. God consciousness is absolutely essential and required before marriage is the state is a three stage, the stage before marriage is before a person gets married. He needs to have a life of taqwa. But doesn't mean that if a person did not have a lack of support, and let's say their marriages, you know, do no good.

00:37:24--> 00:38:02

We can and the door is always open. And that's why people who are not married, if they've lived a life of since then it is highly important that before marriage, they make the offer, they repent to a boss panel to Allah, and make the connection with Allah, strongly clean the slate. And then then enter marriage, do not enter marriage with a slate full of sins, because it's not going to be harmful. It's not going to bring the primerica and the blessings in the marriage, a marriage will be full of blessings and Baraka, if it started off on the right foot. Before marriage you need, we need to change our lives, I've said to a lot of nuisance and look, before you can change, even if it's a

00:38:02--> 00:38:27

day before change your life change. It's better to change beforehand, at least a few months in advance at least a year in advance, change your lifestyle, change your ways, because something that becomes a habit, it remains even after your marriage, you know, happy sins, which are form a habit. And there are people into people you see them that they have certain habits before marriage, and that marriage

00:38:29--> 00:38:33

is to get involved in the same things despite having a wife

00:38:34--> 00:39:00

what's happened, and they think probably this life isn't right for me. So maybe I want to get married any this guy tried 2345 wives, just he was never satisfied, because he was living a life full of sins before. And he had some specific problems. And I don't want to go into the details of his problems with some specific bad habits. And he thought that because I'm not married, this is a reason why I have these habits. And once I get married,

00:39:02--> 00:39:45

but it carries on. And it carries on and it carries on and you could be 4g, you could be 50 you could be 60 you could be an old man. And you'll have the same bad habits. If somebody has a habit, for example, in his use of you know, looking at lustfully as the opposite gender, especially specifically men looking at women in a lustful way because that's generally what happens and not the other way around. That habit when it becomes engraved, it remains despite you getting married, so we're gonna stop with marriage, we'll carry on. You can have 200 wives and still do the same. Not that you can have two. But you're saying you could have you could have you know, you can marry you

00:39:45--> 00:39:59

could have children, but that's habits will remain. So before marriage we need to really seriously before marriage change our ways. This is very important that we're before marriage starting off on the right foot

00:40:01--> 00:40:30

Clean your slate, make Toba unrepentant amongst panels start off on the right foot. Don't be involved in unlawful relationships. And that does not mean if somebody wants to marry someone who they are already in a relationship with Islam allows it of course, etc, but it's around. But if you start off on the wrong foot, then it's not going to bring blessings and Baraka in your marriage, it will be trumped.

00:40:31--> 00:41:16

That is mean that if they started off in a horrible, unlawful way, that's it forever. No, there's always a chance for to repaint, as soon as you realize you want to turn to a light. Okay, that's the first stop, you know, young people with, you know, when they when they talk to me, I said, Look, if you're married, you can do but from now, when you're speaking to me right now, you make a firm intention right now. That's it, any sort of sort of unlawful interaction, any sort of unlawful interaction is seized, and we will abstain, refrain from any sort of unlawful interaction from now, this moment, not from tomorrow, right now, a major tober from a lot and then go to the right way,

00:41:16--> 00:41:20

use the right channels, approach the family and to the marriage.

00:41:21--> 00:41:34

So it doesn't mean that if somebody did do things unlawfully, then it will always be that marriage will always be doomed for, you know, failure. No, there's always ways of redeeming the situation. Before marriage.

00:41:35--> 00:41:52

You start off in an islamically. If you want the water and blessings in your marriage, avoid a loafer heroin relationship and avoid sins prior to marriage. Like for example, you know, and this is very common, people think when they're engaged,

00:41:53--> 00:41:54

they're probably half married.

00:41:56--> 00:41:57

That's what normal people think.

00:41:58--> 00:42:01

Engagement is like, you're halfway there and

00:42:02--> 00:42:14

a half left, engagement, it's engagement is like engaged to marry you can be engaged to do whatever is just means that you fix you just promised, if I promised to sell you this.

00:42:17--> 00:42:34

Okay, if I promise to sell you this, as I tell you this after five days, and it can happen, I still have, I still have it. But in fact, it's just a promise, I might stay with a promise. And I should maintain a promise, of course, as a Muslim, but I may act as a winner.

00:42:35--> 00:42:38

Because going against one's promises being one of them.

00:42:39--> 00:42:40

And I mean,

00:42:42--> 00:42:43

it's actually I think one of

00:42:44--> 00:42:46

the signs of being a hypocrite the Messenger of Allah is that

00:42:48--> 00:42:57

when you speak, you lie with Allah, when you make a promise, you break that promise, when you meet a trustworthy person, you breach that trust, that's not a Muslim.

00:42:58--> 00:43:02

That's a hypocrite, in the worth of the measure of

00:43:04--> 00:43:38

engagement, doesn't do anything, doesn't change anything you ask to strangers, complete strangers, didn't do nothing. complete strangers, doesn't change anything. No rules of Islam change, you can't start going out and remaining in seclusion and privacy going on a date. And that's why all the problems come later in the marriage. Because America is number one, because we are just obeying the laws that we are violating the rules of Islam. That's number one. And number two,

00:43:39--> 00:43:43

people say that we need to get to know one another. Even before engagement.

00:43:47--> 00:43:50

Seriously, you could try to date someone for one year,

00:43:51--> 00:44:14

you still need to get to know them. And it's actually more harmful. It's more harmful, having long engagements and seeing one another frequency or infrequently every so often. That's actually more harmful and more disastrous to your future marital life than if you married somebody Of course you've investigated research and everything. But that's no disastrous.

00:44:17--> 00:44:44

disastrous Why? Because, you know, when you're, when you're when you're having that relationship, there's no commitment. You're seeing one another every so often, once a week, it feels really good. Because you just see, you know, your friend, whatever. Once a week, you're relaxed, she's relaxed, his relaxed, it's fine. You know, thinking about the patient of life. You don't say Okay, you know what we need to call the price of napkins, napkins.

00:44:45--> 00:44:59

We need to go to as the testicle You know what, I need some baby wipes and some nappies and get this no bad. It's just going out to eat in a restaurant. She's like really putting makeup on and she's dressed for the occasion and you make sure you put all the perfume just before you came and that was my life.

00:45:01--> 00:45:02

That kind of setup

00:45:04--> 00:45:25

doesn't mean forever, you could be like that for one year. But when you get married, and the reality sets in and you start living with one another, and you have the daily chores of life responsibilities, you have children coming, you have to find a house, you have to work a job. It's, it's, it's that it becomes difficult. And then they think, Oh, this is this is this

00:45:26--> 00:45:29

was really good before, of course, because you weren't living together.

00:45:30--> 00:45:48

And that's why a lot of times, there's actually no cases where so called love marriages, even though I call them invest marriages, don't love marriages, but so called love marriages end up in divorce and arranged marriages. I personally experienced more people I have seen personally

00:45:49--> 00:46:28

know people I know from a percentage point of view, I know more marriages, divorces are taking place. more of them, a majority of them were so called love marriages when they wanted to marry themselves ended up in divorce. I know, people like I remember speaking to this a long time ago, there's a sister, I remember speaking to you four years ago, and she was young brother she wants to marry and the parents like her parents were not really up for the idea that she wants you to know whether she can do a secret marriage or a secret because of this and all these things. It's just it's just ridiculous. She wants you to know, yeah, there are genuine cases, I've actually talked

00:46:28--> 00:46:37

about this. In cases where parents are difficult. I've actually given a lot of talks to the parents. But parents are difficult. They don't make it easy for our young people.

00:46:38--> 00:46:41

Further along, but don't go there now. But he or

00:46:42--> 00:46:50

she wants you to marry someone. And they and even the brother spoke to me afterwards, she got him to talk to me and that Islam, including I was trying to

00:46:51--> 00:46:58

get married. But anyway, that she when she was talking to me as he was speaking as though

00:46:59--> 00:47:11

that person that's it for her in the world. There's nobody, I can't live a life without him units. For me, I would die if I don't marry him. You know what, he

00:47:12--> 00:47:14

should probably die if she sees his face.

00:47:15--> 00:47:16

Seriously, that's what happened.

00:47:18--> 00:47:29

I just hate the side, I just don't want to even thinking about it makes me really angry. What happened eight months. What happened to two opposites? complete change.

00:47:30--> 00:47:32

This, this, this tells us something.

00:47:33--> 00:47:40

This tells us something. So start from the right foot. Marriage needs to be you know, before marriage,

00:47:41--> 00:48:21

God consciousness, being a practicing Muslim, during being a practicing Muslim, Muslim, being a devout righteous believer, being a spiritual, being close to the last panel, being a practicing Muslim and a Muslim, in practicing believing manually practicing believing woman, and then you start your marriage, you enter marriage, that doesn't mean that if somebody thinks that you know what I'm gonna find succeeded, let me do all the things. And then after five years, I'll start being righteous. And that's not how it works. Because like, we don't know, anything that can compete. And you see that, even if that comes later, the more you become

00:48:22--> 00:48:28

accustomed to a life of sins, the more it becomes difficult for you to come back on the right side.

00:48:30--> 00:49:01

The more you become accustomed, if you spend another five years of life of sins, that will take you to the devil time for you, or maybe, maybe not, but you will be more of a struggle to become a righteous practicing Muslim. So therefore, to say, I'll wait for another three years, let me just enjoy life, it's just going to make the matter more difficult for you. Because now the habit of setting the lifestyle is different. The lifestyle is different for you to you move to another area for you to

00:49:04--> 00:49:43

purchase the baby to maybe get accustomed to the city. You know, you go to a new place. And you know, you try to get to know people you don't like it you homesick is the same. If someone spends a lifetime of sins, and then for them to become practicing, it's difficult few days just you have to struggle with shape on when you announced with your soul, and it becomes difficult. So therefore don't wait straightaway we need to change this is tough well before marriage, this is having the God consciousness before marriage. And then number two, that were in the nikka at the time of marriage.

00:49:44--> 00:49:52

That what at the time of marriage, before marriage, God consciousness at a time of marriage. It's very

00:49:53--> 00:49:54

what do I mean by

00:49:57--> 00:49:59

every part of our

00:50:00--> 00:50:24

My ritual ceremonies, our marriage service, every part of it, a chooser of it. You can have something cultural with them no problem as long as it does not go against Islam, but every part of it must be strictly in accordance with the teachings and guidance of the Quran and Sunnah under the guidance of heaven by the love of God and His messengers.

00:50:25--> 00:50:52

In order for our marriages to be prosperous, in order for you to have a prosperous marriage, for you to have a lifetime of peace and tranquility, that doesn't mean that you have no difficulties ever in your life is life is full of challenges and trials and tribulations without a doubt. But if you're in the inner peace, and you want that inner tranquility, you want a life, a marriage of peace and tranquility, and a marriage as described by the Quran which

00:50:54--> 00:51:22

marriage becomes a source of mercy and love, then you must ensure that that marriage is in accordance with the sort of domestication of love, it was seven, this is what at the time of marriage, unfortunately, we again, in our communities and cultures, we have all the lists of things that you could put upon a list our countdown for marriage, and then when marriages end in failure, we don't have Baraka, we don't have the blessings. You know, we start complaining, but

00:51:23--> 00:51:29

nobody is worthy of to blame, we should be blaming our own selves.

00:51:30--> 00:51:45

Don't blame anyone else except our own selves, because the managers we did not conduct them, we did not carry them out in accordance with the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah everything, make marriages easy, make them simple. In Dominica.

00:51:47--> 00:51:48

Unless we are

00:51:49--> 00:52:08

saving the marriage, that marriage, which has the least expenditure, the easiest marriage, the most simplest of marriages, those are the ones that receive the most bulk and blessings from a lot. It's a simple thing, you know, unfortunately, rather than system.

00:52:10--> 00:52:22

This is an important point. Unfortunately, we have many marriages difficult. Islam considers marriage to be a very simple activity, a simple

00:52:24--> 00:52:29

don't understand this in a wrong way. I'm not trying to say certain things. But the issue is simple.

00:52:30--> 00:52:48

Islam considers marriage to be an extremely simple, simple activity in your lifestyle in your lifetime, it's a very similar activity, we have placed restrictions upon ourselves, self imposed, and conditions and restrictions,

00:52:49--> 00:53:29

that this person has to come and that person has determined this whole needs to be hired and this much money, even if we don't have the money will take a loan. And just because of cultural reasons, because what will people say in the community, the worst thing a believer can do is think about what people say, you know, it's just gonna make your own life miserable. It's actually one of the best ingredients. There's actually a whole list of ingredients again, until recently, where I mentioned eight or seven steps of happiness in life are one of the steps I mentioned, service, went through seven steps to be happy in life, to have the inner peace and tranquility. And one of the sections

00:53:29--> 00:54:01

is, don't think about what people will say, if you, you know, broke your mind. And you just blanket you know, to complete what people will say, you don't think about what people you don't know. The least. Yes, you are talking about a lot of things about you are the measurement of emotional love reading something about you, you you only feel I know you think about you, as long as you relationship with your nose clean, you're not violating the rules of Islam, and talking about people because you know, the world of the people knowing there's never a time where people will be happy.

00:54:02--> 00:54:20

They'll be happy one day next thing of upsets our our, our objective in life is not to make people happy. And we will never be able to make people happy. Remember, you can be the most righteous individual in the world is still and there's never it's not gonna happen.

00:54:21--> 00:54:28

It's not going to happen. So what do we do marriages? Don't think about this. They will say this and she was a mess and who will say what and

00:54:29--> 00:54:46

that's the problem. We have imposed restriction conditions until I don't have a mansion until I don't have until you don't have a car until like, I know, his brother is Palestinian brother wants to sit in Syria A long time ago. He's, you know, he's a good friend of mine. It's

00:54:47--> 00:54:58

so difficult for me to get married. No parents will give me their daughter until I don't have the cheese. The cheese is a key to business key to a home and key to a couple

00:54:59--> 00:54:59

times

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

I'm not in your community.

00:55:04--> 00:55:19

It's difficult, you know, huge amounts of dairy. I'm not saying don't fix our if you can, but Islamic says marriages are very simple to the point that the companions, probably a lot more I know they would marry like, you know, they'll just go eat somewhere.

00:55:20--> 00:55:21

That's how simple it is

00:55:23--> 00:55:38

for the loved one in the Saudi embassy over what sort of level and you send them saw him like after a weekend here to get a stain on his white clothing. So he said, Man, what is this yellow? mahogany sofa? What's this yellow stain on your toes? You said Oh, yeah.

00:55:39--> 00:55:56

Last week I got married. So you know, I applied some perfume on the white. So that is from the perfume. So what have you got married? Barack Obama, Allah bless you. All, you will be shouting, don't forget, just make us more money. But even if it's just by slaughtering just one coat, don't worry.

00:55:57--> 00:55:58

If you're someone like me,

00:56:00--> 00:56:15

you tell me. You don't even call me. You forgot me. This is a messenger of Allah imagine. He did not even feel the need to inform the Messenger of Allah. Allah Allah says, Does he

00:56:16--> 00:56:17

know

00:56:18--> 00:56:46

even though it's a once in a lifetime, but still, it's an easy thing. It's something that we need to try to make it as simple specially abstain from the intermingling of agendas in an unlawful manner. When dancing takes place, people are dressed in inappropriate ways, inappropriate manners, and no for how music is played. And there's just all the sins you can think of, rather than the two people who are married, another 20 people are getting hurt

00:56:47--> 00:56:47

by

00:56:49--> 00:57:16

these two are married, and everybody asked us to check out all the girls and boys in the universe. Yes, they are people. Why did they go to marriages, to check out the girls and the girls to check out the boys? Are we this this this is totally powerbomb activity, we become the people who are married the meanings of not just blessings and Baraka going away from our marriage. But we are a means of other people sitting at a time.

00:57:17--> 00:57:22

At a time of marriage, the moment is reciting the verse of the Quran. Yeah.

00:57:24--> 00:57:26

Yeah, you under the law,

00:57:27--> 00:57:38

you've come to the mosque right now to do you know, because of the mission of the month region, the hotspot and the verse, and I'm sitting there, because you're married, and sitting there and he says, Oh, you will be

00:57:40--> 00:57:46

straight out of the mosque straight into the hole. And since you just so you just told the fear of love.

00:57:47--> 00:57:48

You're saying you know, you're worldwide.

00:57:51--> 00:57:55

This is a reality, even three times I feel fear

00:57:57--> 00:57:58

with all the fear of love.

00:58:00--> 00:58:15

And your time is short. So I'm going to paste in the main part, I really want to talk about one of the last stage the final stage, because it's for everyone those who are not married and the ones who are married at that stage. The next stage, final stage is very important, which is stuck on after marriage

00:58:16--> 00:59:02

is so important. In order for a marriage to last. And before I mentioned this also doesn't mean that whenever a marriage does not last doesn't mean that people did not have, we should also remember that as well. Because marriages can end even the prophets divorce their wives, marriages can end divorces can take place. Sometimes you'll have people who are the most righteous, you know, you don't even have to have any woman fault. This is another talk another topic today but when we talk about the concept of divorce in Islam, that it should be easy divorce should be done with with in an amicable manner with good understanding and departing on on the best of ways. Even to people who are

00:59:02--> 00:59:05

the most righteous of individuals in the world, they could end up

00:59:07--> 00:59:15

in profits or divorce their wives means there's no compatibility there's no chemistry is okay. You could have the value of the time and

00:59:16--> 00:59:37

the grade of the time, it will take place so don't even this doesn't mean that whenever divorce takes place, the people that didn't have but normally you order to have a blissful marriage or relationship in order to have peace and tranquility at home in order to have the inner peace. Amanita sukoon it's

00:59:42--> 00:59:55

the most important factor is that once you marry from day seven, from day one, not after one year. Not that okay, you know, what's the honeymoon period, just chill out for yourself.

00:59:57--> 00:59:59

But last night, you and your husband going for a honeymoon.

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

Doing things

01:00:04--> 01:00:16

from day one, post marriage stocks, the moment you said, in the mosque, you know, you did you did the job of bubbles, the offer and acceptance, the woman and the man said to her

01:00:18--> 01:00:28

from that moment, onwards, that day, and then the first night, and then the first second day, on the second night on the third day and the third night until

01:00:29--> 01:00:30

death, do you part

01:00:32--> 01:00:58

of that status will do apologise for me resistance, short period and then get back together again in the next shot. But talk about the fear of Allah God consciousness. And that's why when a person is seeking and looking for a potential spouse, if you want a happy marriage, sisters and brothers, when you select the criteria is someone who has

01:01:00--> 01:01:24

when you're looking for a sister to get married to somebody who's not married here, okay, search for a sister who has, first and foremost, the attribute of sisters as well, when you're searching and looking for a brother to get married to the first attribute you need to consider is the fear of love. Because only Dakota especially the person has been reminded of the marriage.

01:01:25--> 01:02:00

Because now, it's difficult. Until now you are living as a bachelor, you're living on your own, there were no responsibilities, there were no duties. You know, you could just come home anytime you want, more or less, you can do whatever you want. Anytime you're not attached. You can do whatever you just, as I say young, free and single, but you know, you're you're free. Now it's difficult. And the only way you will be able to survive that difficulty is with the fear of a large extent because your wife might say something, you might not like it. Or you think you know what?

01:02:02--> 01:02:49

I need to fit on that I don't want to talk back to the wife because she thinks before, you know talking away, she thinks every word. That's why the definition What do I say? Every word that comes out from the mouth. You know what a lot of it asked me, if I swear and slander, as well as my husband, if I say something negative to him, or when asked me in the author asked you as a wife, what we've asked you as a husband, did you treat your wife? Well, there's nothing that's going to prevent anyone from being a ungrateful or a person who is an oppressor. We talk about all these things, lows and principles and domestic violence, but ultimately boils down to one thing, you could

01:02:49--> 01:03:34

have all the rules and everything. You can have conferences, and I defended myself conferences, on domestic violence, and physical abuse and emotional abuse and mental abuse and whatever, you can have everything and have that. But ultimately, it goes back to the fear of Allah. Nothing will prevent that person. You can educate the person, anything and everything. But as long as that person does not have the fear of if they have this fear of God consciousness before being angry at us with the angry rage. He'll be a righteous Muslim, he'll have worked on his heart, he would have got himself rid of the spiritual diseases like jealousy, like hatred, and anger and pride, and the wife

01:03:34--> 01:03:47

as well and what he thought was wrong. Actually, in one of the books I mentioned that it ultimately boils down to the purification of the soul, the purification of the heart. That's what ultimately boils down to

01:03:49--> 01:04:00

all these diseases, spiritual diseases, when you're looking for a spouse, look for a wife or a husband, who has worked on the heart, the skin,

01:04:02--> 01:04:02

which is a

01:04:04--> 01:04:32

part of the teaching of the orphan sooner, but of landmines. Baka Hoberman, the son of the one who's purified this so caught up. He has achieved success elevation in this life. And it's like, Yo malaria, control, murder, whatever the noon 11th a lot of people have been selling on the live judgment, nothing will benefit us, except the one who comes to a lot with a sound hot enough is just

01:04:33--> 01:04:34

the Messenger of Allah

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is a piece of flesh in the body made over the last several 100 several 100 years. And if that sound is some mental life itself, if that's diseased, if that's bad and corrupted, then everything around you is correct. And that's what we have books on this topic. We have these, you know, diseases, we have blameworthy character traits.

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spatial diseases considered to be the rather, we have the memorial we have

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Jim obesity, the plural of the word rozella, which means a spiritual disease. It's a blameworthy character trait, like anger or jealousy, like berici. Like ostentation, showing off my

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hatred and enmity and level of the dhulia. Love the world. Someone has worked on these things in order to get what you need to work on these things. Before marriage, when you find a wife, for example, right, who has the disease of jealousy,

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then you have a problem in your marriage. Every time something happens is

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this, and you can give me this push, for example.

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Imagine you said, search for a wife to the best doesn't mean

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doesn't say, every time we go to shopping, she always wants shoes and handbags, for that

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point, but with motivation.

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If it's a wife, who thinks who realizes the trivial nature of this world, she knows it's only 6050 years, she doesn't expect anything from anyone. She knows her real duties.

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She's a pious, righteous Muslim, as seriously as a husband, you have the best of what you do. That's why

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I mean, you can consider it to an extent, right to an extent because attraction is important as well, because one of the objectives of marriage is to fulfill but ultimately,

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further for you DS, the one of being the one of taqwa the one of the purification of the heart. Likewise, women sisters looking for husbands, if you have a husband, who has a spiritual disease of

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your marriage, when in about six months, I have so many divorce cases, so many, so many over the years. Most of them the guy is just gets angry, and he loses his

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face, or whatever. People are just statements of

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when they get angry when they rage, paste it and pronounce statements of

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this evenings are that people get angry, they don't realize statements of sometimes and marriages.

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So you have a husband, who doesn't feel he doesn't feel conscious, he does not realize the fact that anger is a spiritual disease. It's a simple act, one of the worst of sins that a person can commit.

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A husband who is fearful, is righteous with pious, after marriage, if you have a husband, who is not angry,

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is not a jealous individual is not arrogant, he doesn't have vanity, he has. These are spiritual diseases. And he has replaced them with a praiseworthy character traits, the

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reserve in the blameworthy trades, he's replaced them with, with a wall with with with what some simple some humbleness or humility. He's proud. He's not proud to respect his wife, he doesn't have to be gentle will be considered so because because it's his, you know,

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his symbol, someone who was humbled, he doesn't have jealousy, he doesn't have hatred, he doesn't have energy he doesn't have

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all these diseases are gonna replace them which for our patients.

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Bob is a pretty worthy character trait. So if someone does something which he doesn't like, he'll be able to exercise that somewhat impatient, he's able to have control over himself. So he's saying that right now, but in about 10 minutes should be okay.

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Husbands know that the wife might say something,

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just overlook it.

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And

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this happens, but these are things you know, on

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top of the fear of marriage,

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we need in order for marriage to be prosperous, in order for the marriage to be best and a blessed union of

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marriage, in order for the union to be dressed. What do you take away with us today? We need to remember

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God consciousness before marriage at the time of

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Marriage and particular after marriage