The BEST DIVORCE

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

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Episode Transcript

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Salam Alaikum, when we get married, we don't come together in order to have a fight. We don't come together with the intention of having problems. But naturally, sometimes we would have problems. And this is why we are rewarded to try and solve the problems. In some instances were unable to solve these problems, not because any one of the two is bad, but we were different people, perhaps our upbringing was so different, we did not realize that prior to the marriage. And so if we have so much of difficulty that it starts affecting our minds, and we just cannot cope, it is permissible to separate by way of divorce.

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You're not the first person who is going through a divorce, and you will not be the last one. So panela, those before you have been through divorce, the bulk of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, have been through divorce at some stage in their lives. I, for one, have been through divorce Subhanallah, surprise, surprise. But yes, many, many years back not because anyone was bad, but we were two different people. Now, my beloved brothers and sisters,

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remember that divorce is an opportunity given by Allah Almighty, for you to rise and shine, for you to earn reward for you to be able to earn the pleasure of Allah and ultimate paradise. Why do I say that? I say that because we are taught that if you didn't get along, you're not the first couple on earth who are not getting along. You might say, well, we have children, you're not the first couple on Earth, who has children and have divorced. You need to be very respectful about divorce, you are separating, because you couldn't get along as husband and wife. So if you're going to separate in an ugly way, you have lost the test. It's a test from Allah, you have failed the test. Because of the

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ugliness that is coming into it be respectful, Allah says, For him, sir.

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Beamer ofin, test three,

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B.

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You either hold together, meaning the spouse, you either hold yourself together in marriage, or you release with goodness, listen, release with goodness, you didn't get along. It doesn't mean that you're not going to get along with anyone else. But when you become ugly, you pay the price. People say, I'm going to fix you, I'm going to show you, you are fixing nobody but yourself. If you have bad words, vulgar words, that is just showing who you are. It's not going to belittle the other person in any way.

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Your happiness is not connected to how much you can prove that the other person was ugly in their character or conduct. Not at all. Your happiness is between you and a lot. In fact, the happiest of people who've been through the best of divorces are those who can respect each other so much after the divorce, because they understand we couldn't get along when we were married. At least now when we're divorced. We can live and let live, we can respect one another. We owe this to one another Subhana Allah. And this is the amazing gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala at the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam It is well known that some of the companions would actually tell some of

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their friends, look, I have divorced so and so we didn't get along. But perhaps she would be a good wife for you. Subhana Allah, imagine if someone told you that today, today, when we hear that our exes would like to get married, we become upset, we become angry, we phone and we want or we communicate with the potential spouse of our ex and quickly tell them that this person was bad and ugly and so on. Yes, if they have asked us, we need to be truthful but respectful. We need to respectfully tell the truth. But we should never ever do what is known as mudslinging. don't engage in that you didn't get along. If you have children. It is Allah giving you the opportunity to earn

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Paradise by engaging in an act of worship known as allowing the other parent, either custody or access wherever they're supposed to have it. Whether you like it or not, that is the parent of the child. So if you don't allow one of the parents access without a valid reason, what is a valid reason? a valid reason is if they were abusive to the children, if they had molested or tried to rape the child or whatever else. If

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They were really bad people where we are concerned truly about the well being of the child, then you need to consult with scholars and with those who are experts in the field in order to perhaps try and see how best you can accommodate the spouse. But you have to bear in mind, you don't just say, I have the kids, you cannot see them, or you're never going to see these kids again, you just failed the test, Allah tested you, you're not the first person going through this, you're probably the trillions person going through it. And there are going to be a trillion more after you and beyond. But you have just failed it. So be respectful, be good, be kind, allow it Don't be so attached to

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your children that if you lose them, you become depressed, don't be so attached to your children, that if you were to allow them to go to the father or the mother, you would become depressed, you have to know they belong to both the mother as well as the Father. And this is why I always say, those who are respectful upon the divorce, and after the divorce, they are the ones who will actually get paradise as a result of the divorce, perhaps, because they engaged in something that was tough for them, but they did it correctly. Similarly, the discipline that is required after divorce from both parties, is actually very, very great. You would need to especially when there are

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children, you will need to Firstly, protect your tongue, that's the mother of your child or the father of your child, no point in bad mouthing them, even if they were not. And even if you didn't have children, no point in bad mouthing them. But you also need to know that

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if you have children, and you bad mouth, one, in the presence of the children, you're confusing the children, you're you have defeated the whole purpose of the divorce it was in order to allow those children to grow up respectfully with one of the two parents perhaps, and have access to the other. So remember, if you are going to say evil words, you pay the price, it's going to come back to haunt you. So don't say bad words. Number two, make sure that you discipline yourself, you cannot just phone your children or communicate with them as in when you wish, I am the father and I have to do this, I'm the mother and I will do whatever I want. Hang on, hang on. Allah is the Lord and we will

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do what he wants. So you make a time that is reasonable for both parties be reasonable, there must be given take after divorce, there has to be given take after divorce, take a look at the children, they might be school going, they might be an inconvenient time your ex might be working, they might not have a specific time when you communicate, communicate with a family member, rather than your ex directly. Because as it is the two of you didn't get along. You're gonna allow your ex to speak to you when they're abusive, and they haven't learned how to speak. In that case, you're giving them the opportunity to abuse you after divorce, what was the point of divorcing, you're still giving

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them a chance to belittle you. They're going to tell you bad words, they're going to make you feel bad, they're going to swear you you're giving them a chance to market you to belittle you No way. No way. Not at all. islamically they don't have a right to communicate with you directly. Yes, if they are respectful, and they'd like to do that. And you want to allow that because you know, you're not going to be abused, there is a permissibility. But it is still ideal to let your guardian or one of your family members do that for you. So you arrange times the same would apply for access. You don't just come in at any time and say I need access this weekend. And I'm going to take the child and do

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this and do it. No, it must be arranged. You have to arrange it Come on my brother, my sister. We need to arrange things in order to earn gender these innocent children don't let them be caught in the mess that you had with the other parent of that particular child. So you're going to be damaging them psychologically. Many people have a sickness where they get to the child and they tell the child Do you know what your father's bad your mother's may hang on. That's why we divorced. Now stop telling that to the children. don't contaminate those children with bad words about the other. You didn't get along, talk about yourself. Please talk about how good you are. If you want or say a good

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word about the other, it will be surprising to the child. But if you want to damage your child emotionally and you will gain nothing. That is the worst form of backbiting that you will have to pay a price for it is not going to bring about happiness for you. It doesn't mean that if you've proven that your spouse was the worst person that suddenly you're going to be a happy, contented person. In fact, it's the opposite. Those who are bitter die a death of bitterness, they are never content, whereas those who have let go correctly with respect

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Mostly they become the happiest people, when they marry a game or even when they're just divorced. They're so happy. So content. That's what it's all about. You can worship Allah with a clear mind.

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So remember, these are very, very important details. If you would like the best divorce, it needs to be respectful with a lot of sacrifice. If you think being married was hard, being divorced is even harder at times. So Hannah law, it's a law giving you the chance to earn rewards by opening the opportunities for you to engage in acts of worship, that were not applicable prior to the divorce. Think about that. Before you were divorced. There were no acts of worship known as child custody and allowing access and being respectful to your ex and whatever, whatever. No, now that it's the largest testing you are you going to pass or fail, many of us fail. If you're a true believer, you

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have a big heart, Mashallah, and you understand it's okay, I need contentment. I've come across cases of people who harass their ex spouses, because they don't pay them or sometimes, in the case of the ex husband, he doesn't pay the man. I don't know how he's gonna face Allah. He doesn't fulfill his duty, he hides sometimes certain things of that particular spouse, and doesn't give them or sometimes what he does is he damages the property and doesn't return the property. How can you face Allah, have a big heart give everything and give more than everything? Subhana Allah, the best of people are those who return more than what they have to so Allah, so you lived with her, she may

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have done something wrong. Or you may have done something wrong, or both of you did wrong things you didn't get along, now that you're separating, be kind to each other. They will be this the splitting of goods and of belongings, make sure it's done fairly, and go the extra mile to give away things. What are you holding on to all of this for? Why haven't you paid the dues? Why haven't you made sure that you your kind, don't hold back the documents, this happens a lot of the times you have, you know the the passports, the IDs, whatever other documents and certificates of your ex and you don't give it back? Do you think you don't have a lot is going to catch you for that. Allah knows what

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you're doing. And your day will come very soon. You're just compromising your own contentment. So don't do that. Subhana Allah don't do that. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us an understanding. This is why I decided today to speak about the best divorce because it's bound to happen. It does happen. Many people are far happier after the divorce. Although it's a last resort. Some people just don't want to let go. You find a lot of men telling the women, I'm not going to divorce you do what you want. SubhanAllah I'm going to punish you and fix you. I'm not watching, you are going to punish yourself, and you are going to fix yourself watch. Those statements are so dangerous, that if they

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were brought forward to a court that dealt with these Islamic affairs, they would nullify that marriage because they have evidence that you're only holding back in order to punish someone in which case, they are mandated by a law to nullify that marriage SubhanAllah. I think a lot of women don't even know this. So my brothers and sisters, let's be real believers, let's understand is will come when you create ease for your ex. contentment will come when you go out of your way to make the life of your ex easier now that you're divorced, fulfill the rights of each other. That's the best divorce. That is when divorce is a blessing for you. But if you are the one who's wrong, you're

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oppressing your ex, bad mouthing them speaking, whatever, or usurping their rights, oppressing them in one way or another. Trust me. The Almighty gives you a little bit of time after which

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his punishment is severe, so severe that you will regret it. I've seen it

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in so many people's lives they wonder why they struggling why they don't have this, why they're not happy. You're not happy because the way your treat you're treating your ex or you have treated your ex or whatever you've done. That's why you're not happy. You know, when that comes from the heart of a person who's wronged the Hadith says it turkey that what alone for in Malaysia but you know, however in Allah hijab, you need to fear the supplication of the person you have wronged because there's no barrier between it and Allah. Allah listens to it matter of time, it's meted out.

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So inshallah I pray that we can do things correctly if you have or you are going through a divorce.

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It's not the first or the last one on Earth, many have gone through it. And you know what you need to be respectful about this sort matters out you issue a Palak. And you make sure that it's done with utmost respect in the most beautiful way and let go for the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala and his sake and for the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala and you will find your life will be so beautiful. I want to end with the verse of the Quran. Allah says

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what he found Morocco, Nila.

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Sir it

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was in an Hakeem.

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If they separate and they divorce both of them. Allah will bless both of them with abundant virtue of his for Indeed, Allah has great virtue and he is all wise. So don't think that your life has ended because you're going through a divorce at times, divorce is the best thing you could have gone through. Many people have said and go and ask them that. It's only because of the divorce that I was able to actually get into another marriage that was hundreds of times better than the previous one. That's exactly what Allah said in this last verse that I've just read. Allah bless every one of us. Remember when you're advising people who are going through divorce, give them good advice. Don't

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teach them to oppress and to do things that are wrong. Rather speak to them with beautiful words. No matter what happened in that marriage. It didn't work now that you're ending it at least do that part of it right. Aku Kohli hava sallallahu ala nabina. Muhammad was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.