Nikah Marriage and the Wedding – Malawi #02
Channel: Mufti Menk
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Shai Banu. rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem was some
in musi Oh, one oh boy fell aashna Fannie Malema e to wamena Konishi in holla. On Zoho j Nila Allah can go on for a few mo law in
mubi in Walla
mubi in Ghana alikum
Lavina Moo Baba
prasun in El Pollo, Illa Paulo's
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meaning one fine tune gene
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searching for in LA loving our varnamo
movie being him, fella is JLo soon
enough follow me Omi
smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah, Allah He was happy here to mine.
My beloved brothers and sisters Allah subhanho wa Taala says woman couldn't Nisha in Hala panozzo de la la quinta calm in order for you to remember in order for you to be reminded in order for you to take heed. Allah says that he has created everything in page.
So if you look at anything in creation, it's always created in pairs. If you look at the other creatures, the animals, the birds, whatever it may be, there is always two sides to it. You look at the day there is the night you look at darkness, there is light, you look at the sun, there is the moon, you look at male there is female, and so on. This is Allah's plan, so much so that if you go further into electricity, you have positive and negative. And in the same way you have a positive force, a negative force in whatever you happen to do. You have a good deed you have a bad deed you have a positive you have a negative, although that part is not included in this verse, but by
extension, we understand Allah's creation. It is vast, it is great in order to fulfill that fifth pre natural, basic instinct that is ingrained within the uncontaminated man. That's a very important word.
In order to fulfill the natural instinct that exists within, uncontaminated man, Allah subhanho wa Taala has kept marriage and Nika. Why do we say uncontaminated men mommy mo luden illa. Allah, Allah, Allah, for Ababa, who you have with Danny, hey, Ronnie here we met giussani a person a human being is created like a brand new hard drive that has been formatted ready to receive the apps that are downloaded on it. When you have a phone and you download dirty apps your phone will provide you what you have downloaded within it. When you open the apps it will give you whatever dirt you have downloaded on it. But if you've downloaded that which is to do with the obedience of Allah, such as
the Quran, an application that reminds you of the earth God something that will remind you of the hadith of Rasulullah Salaam, something from your Masjid way
You can hear the lectures or the the the goodness that is being taught some online lessons you have subscribed to that are filled with the knowledge of the dean, etc, etc. Your phone will give you something positive, it's the same phone that gives someone else something negative because of how it was programmed. So Allah explains to us through the blessing lips of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam that mankind is quite similar when he's created, he has a hard drive that yet has to have those apps downloaded. It depends what your parents actually put in terms of the applications. So those parents who give up a good give a good upbringing to their children, good news to them. They have downloaded
good apps from a young age. And sometimes it is difficult because you and I know that as time passes, the methods of teaching our children have changed although what we are teaching them will remain the same.
There's something important that what you are teaching will remain the same. The rules and regulations of the deen cannot change up to the end of time. It's one of the gifts of this oma is that its validity is right up to the end of time.
That is the last plan. So if you look at the way to get that knowledge across to the new generations and the children that we have, you will find sometimes methodology changes here and there you're using technology you have online class you have this you have something else you have an iPad, you have laptops, you have some programs you have mixed seller, you might have whatever else it may be that technology is advanced but what are you learning at the end of the day, it is supposed to be exactly the same thing. The conclusion I'm arriving at the end should make me fulfill my Salah should make me develop a link with Allah should make me understand who is the messenger Muhammad
Rasul Allah should give me the importance within my heart of my duty as a Muslim should help me improve my dress code, my character, the respect of my parents and so on and so forth. And it should lead me to fulfilling what Allah has created me for. So when the mind is contaminated, sometimes with the wrong things, it won't understand the plan of Allah. It will get caught in the plan of shaping and that's why we say marriage is understood by the uncontaminated mind as being important. I need to get married. Yeah, Mashallah Shah Baba manies Tata, I mean komaba
for in the whole Asana, lymphology whatever Boolean possum woman Lamia, stop for Allah He the song for him. The hula hula puja. The prophets of Salaam says quite clearly Oh youngsters, and here we are talking to the youngsters, whoever is able and capable to get married, get married. That's an instruction Don't delay.
Where the youngsters ready to get married here today. Put up your hand.
So basically, the prophets of Salaam is telling us Do not delay. If you are able and capable able, in what way number one, you need the mental capacity to get married. You need the maturity to get married. You can't be 13 years old. I'm ready. SubhanAllah What are you ready? You ready? For what? What responsibility? No, my father is a wealthy man. He'll take it no problem. You don't have the mental maturity, especially in our generations. At that age. We will tell you no, it's not for you. You keep us. May Allah protect us and our children. People are becoming sexualized from a very early age. Why? Because of the wrong use of technology. It's a fact we don't want to sugarcoat what we're
saying. It's a fact to protect ourselves from that we need to have a solid upbringing. Have a connection with the masjid have a connection with the llama, have a connection with your parents and the parents, please have a connection with your children. Please spend time with them. It is an ibadah
to spend time with your family is a great act of worship, talk to them, eat with them, greet them, correct them. That's what you're supposed to do. Why did you have children if you don't have the time to spend with them. So this is why we say it's very important for us to realize when you are ready to get married, one of the first things you need is you need to be mentally able to do it. You are going to get married you are going to have to deal with inlaw. Remember that? either side, you're going to have to deal with those Why is it difficult sometimes because you must remember if Allah wanted it, he could have said Mary from your own family and that's it. But no. It's haram to
marry within a closed circle. They called Muslims
because you have to go out a little bit alone once that cohesion within community so community can say we are related to each other.
The professor Salah married out the Maha Jeannine married the answer to different tribes, two different people, two different cultures, but they married each other
on condition that the Dean was correct the Aflac was correct.
The general understanding was the same.
The Professor silom, there was a mohajir who wanted to marry from the uncertain that time, you know, it was such that they were all good even among some of our generations, where your father tells you get married here, you say, get it done. They get the nikka done. First time you ever see your bride is the first night. It used to happen before. The professor Sallam told one of the Maha Jean, did you see her? He was marrying from the unsub. Did you see her?
He said, No, I haven't. So you're getting married without seeing anything? So he says, Did you see her? He says No, I haven't. He says Bula for interfere union Ansari Shea. He says, look, go and see her before you get married to her. And he added to the spacing because in the eyes of the unsavoury something
that extra is not so relevant as the relevancy of the entire instruction. The instruction is very, very relevant to say, you look at the person that you are going to get married to before you marry them, make sure that you see them in the eye, make sure you look at them and you are satisfied. There should be a feeling within your heart of a small spark to say there is an excitement, I'm getting married. That's the minimum. What's the point of you look, you're not too happy. You okay? But your father's putting pressure on you. So you just gonna say I'll do it.
The professors Elon himself is telling us look, you have a right to say yes or no people will suggest and my beloved brothers who are here today, let me explain. When you see a young man in the masjid, and you know, you have a sister, you know, you have an aunt or someone who's not married or a niece or you know, there is someone within your family. There is it is an act of worship to show an interest on behalf of that female of your family. It isn't we are losing in this way. People don't know your sister exists. Please understand that. People don't know this woman who needs to get married in your family who's already 3035 they don't even know she exists. Why? Because she's a
pious lady perhaps covered. Perhaps she's at home as per the instructions. And she says no one knows. You go out and see so many guys. Are you not ashamed that already you haven't come up with three, four or five different options. We need to wake up man, don't be ashamed. We're talking of Nika, if you don't open your mouth, you got a problem. And then another difficulty is in a lot of cultures, they find it taboo for the girl herself to suggest that I want to get married to x or y or Zed. They find it taboo in a lot of Indian cultures. They find it taboo from an Islamic perspective. It's not taboo.
If Khadija Binti for women rhodiola did not showing interest what was going to happen
what was going to happen It is because of the internet they had a very respectful way of doing it they did it via via you know, today way via via Subhan Allah
May Allah grant us goodness harmony, let's develop ourselves because the idea is what's important is the deen and of luck. How many of us could say you know what, I am working on my Deen and working on my clock to the degree that anyone would marry me to their daughters or their sisters or their whoever needs to get married. Is that the case my beloved youngsters who are seated here Do you really think if you went today to propose to anybody in the whole of the city or another that they would just look at your reputation immediately say jackal a very good and inshallah we will take this further. If you can do that one lie you're good human inshallah, if you have a reputation of
your deen and luck, which you need to develop, then inshallah community is heading in the right direction.
The problem is, we are going to ask for someone's daughter, our mouth is smelling of weed.
We are going to ask for someone's child. The hairstyle we have is like coming from mass. Even in mass, they don't have that.
And I'm not trying to hit out at any I'm just letting you know, reality on the ground. If I have a daughter, someone comes to me directly and it has happened. And they will tell you, I want to get married to your daughter.
The first thing that crosses your mind is who's this person who's come to me. If you notice someone whom your eyes are so satisfied just to look at you say make dua inshallah, let's see what happens. We try and take this thing further. Right? We try at the end of the day, it's between them if both of them are happy, no one's going to say no. But the reality is do you lead a life that if someone were to hear your proposal, they would be happy? Do you have the mental capacity to start with number two? Do you have the dean and the law which is going to happen once you have age do you have the financial standing
Financial standing doesn't mean you need to be a rich man. No.
Are you able and capable basics basic a mistake we are making in society today. We want the boy in most cases, to be very wealthy from the beginning. But when we got married, we were poor.
I say this to a lot of the older people, when you got married, what do you have this a job. That means I just had my slippers, Joe robinia. You know, we didn't even have shoes, we just had slippers.
But now from your son in law, you expect him to have the S Class and this and that and every Whoa, why we are concentrating on the wrong things.
If they have responsibility, if they take care of themselves, they will in a responsible way. They have a job they are getting a little salary a small income they will look after your daughter with honor. Many of the women when they get married and 510 years later, they will tell you I'd rather live in a heart with honor and love than to live in a huge bungalow with no love. They will tell you that because now they know 10 years too late. May Allah grant us goodness and understanding so we are here talking about to tell you this is reality. You see a guy he might not have so much wealth. If he as the dean and Aflac let's take it one step ahead. In order to follow the instruction of the
prophets wasallam. What was the instruction? He gave clear cut instructions without confusion either come Manta bernadina who worked for Luca who has a widu in Abu confit Nutan fill out de la facade in the area. If a proposal comes to you have a person who is Dean and o'clock meaning the religiousness and the character you are satisfied with then let them get married on condition that obviously both the bride and the groom I hadn't. You can see I'm getting married when the bride is not even happy. You go for permission and she just looks at you.
What do you want?
Subhanallah if both of them are happy Dinanath luck, okay, let it happen. Did the prophets are seldom ever say that you must go and look for money and see how rich the person is and so on. If that comes, it is Rama. It's a blessing. But money does not last forever. You could have millions today tomorrow morning, you can get up with zero. It has happened. It is happening. And it shall continue to happen because some nathula is in the plan of alone.
You can't have the same every profit loss. So make your decisions blindly based on what Rasulullah Salam has said that's the only time you will go right is when Allah says Allah has given an instruction, you close your eyes and you follow it and you say I am doing this because Nagisa Salam has instructed me to do this, you will find Baraka they will, what do you want tomorrow you want offspring, your grandchildren, your children, etc. and the family, the broader family. You want to see some people working on the deen you want to see children who are interested in Salah who are trustworthy, truthful, they have a good tongue and so on. That's what we want to see in society and
community. If you want to see that, not only should you develop it, but when someone of a similar standing comes to marry your child, let it happen.
Let it happen.
We are living together. We are coming to the masjid together we are studying together we have similar
schools that we went to etc modalities that we went to and so on. As we grow older, it's bound to happen, that there will be marriages between us learn to know how to look at it. May Allah make it easy for us. So if you're able and capable the process alum says get married fully at the zoo which because it's better for you. It's better for the protection of your chastity
and it's better for your eyes.
You know the difficulty today is
the Hadees is a Boolean buzzer that when you get married, if you do it properly and you are conscious of Allah, it will help you lower your gaze.
And for unfortunately, married men are the ones whose gaze nowadays is dangerous sometimes.
I spoke to one old man. He said I have a weakness but I'm trying to say what's it he says? I can't lower my gaze. Say you're married? He says yes, he says but you know the first one is allowed according to Eddie, I said is that the only Hadith you know Subhana Allah the Hadith what he says when you look he says the first gaze is yours The second one is against you. Do you know what that means? That means the first glance that was by error is yours. It was by error meaning I didn't mean to plan. I looked up and I saw perhaps a non Mahara moment extremely good looking. I quickly looked down you're allowed to say Mashallah, you're allowed to say if you clever enough, you can say
Whatever else but Subhanallah you're allowed. That's the nature of Allah but you look down, didn't you? So panela if someone is extremely intelligent, they'll also say Bismillah.
So the reality is, it doesn't mean you keep on looking because now I've got control over my gaze, the minute you've got control over the gaze, it's already wrong. But people see me Oh, shucks, what happened? a pillar came in the women. Allah Subhana Allah, Allah protect us. It's supposed to lower your gaze for you because you are satisfied with what you have. Do you know what is one of the reasons that Islam and slacks covering both men and women, we were close to close? What is the meaning of clothing to cover?
I say clothe yourself. It's a verb in the English language to clothe yourself, it means put these clothes on to cover your body.
And unfortunately, nowadays, people are closing to do the opposite. To reveal.
That's a hadith kaseya teen.
There will come a time when people will be clothing in order to expose not clothing in order to cover all our brothers and sisters. When you are wearing your clothing. Ask yourself one question for the sake of Allah. Have I closed in order to reveal something? Or have I closed in order to cover something? What is the right answer? One is the wrong answer. You and your connection with Allah should help you how to look at it is very important. And this is for men and women before we used to say women women. No, no, no, no, no. We've seen men with worse conditions and they think they can get away with it. You have this thing whole half open year they say no, but the hour is
only from the naval to the knee. That's what they will tell you sometimes. Does that mean you must pick up with your D quarters?
they call them come duras Have you heard them?
Must you pitch up with that and say no, but I'm a male you know what you talking about? cover yourself with dignity and respect. When you come to Salah What will you weigh, you must move around with similar clothing elsewhere. Because you need the dignity, the respect. Young people don't understand that this Who are you to judge me, nobody is judging you. You are judging yourself my brother, you are judging yourself you are presenting already the judgment we own self. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us to dress with dignity inshallah.
Then what you also need to know is as time passes, and you actually end up getting married, and I'm just fast forwarding a bit. You need to realize that
marriage comes with great responsibility because you have grown up in two different environments. Like I said, if it's too close, it's not even allowed. You cannot marry your own sister. Although you grew up in one home, you probably will get along well. You're not allowed because it's haram Maha.
Allah has created us that way. You have to go further.
And then when you come together, there will be differences you might have likes, dislikes a few things this way. That way, someone might like to sleep a little bit more. Someone might snow a little bit. Someone might not all these things, you're going to have to manage them. I think some of the prophets are smiling and nodding their head ciaramella grant you Shiva. So this is the thing. Okay, you have to make do with a few of these things right or wrong. You have to make do someone like this like that. That adjustment is what makes you having fulfilled half of your Eman. It's the adjustment, the sacrifice, very big sacrifice, but learn to respect each other. That's one word you
need to know.
One word when you're getting married, respect each other. No screaming no shouting, no swearing, no abuse, no vulgarity, no lying no faults with no cheating. And that's all
but easy, right? First thing first day we are screaming screaming for what? Why raise your voice in
a sweat. He also told me Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us that the worst sound is that of a brain donkey. You know, when a donkey prays? Why is he it's loud? And what happened? You don't know what to say. When people are yelling, you say Hang on, come on. What are you saying? And they scream again? What are you saying we don't understand what you're saying. So start praying.
Allah is saying there's no need to speak with respect what will look mean? So tick, drop your volume. It's an instruction of the Quran. So let's drop our volumes at home. Drop your volume. When we drop our volume. Even if you're not married, you're a son, or you're a person of the family. Drop your volume. You will earn respect. Rama Sakina My Word will descend in the house the love the tranquility the peace will come into your home Why we broke your volume on humans very important. Very important. My beloved children who are here. No need to scream and shout at each other as you got married. You're married with the name
Have Allah, spend time with each other, be happy with each other, look at each other, and adjust a little bit here and then adjust towards the obedience of Allah. What that means is if someone has a haram habit, I can't adjust to this. The guy comes in he says, No. Did you hear we were told to adjust? I smoke a bit of weed, you must just adjust to that. Oh, oh, you can't do this. You cannot. People are forcing their spouses to adjust to Hara. We've had people who come to us and tell us you know, my husband drinks, alcohol. And you wonder I can't believe it. I know this brother is I can't even tell it's true. Then tell you You know, I've been to the hospital three times because I even
broke a bone because he beats me up.
And you look at this guy with a big beard sitting in the first reading, sir, you can't believe the two are not to get you can't put this and what you've just read together because there's something wrong meme. shavon is coming. How can you beat up your spouse? And nowadays, we even had cases where the guy comes to the masjid blue and green Gala. What happened? He says my wife beat me up.
That is happening. It's happening. It's effect. So it's two ways you know, today it's the case. My brothers, my sisters, we are believers. Let's live with respect with dignity. If Rasulullah saw Salam had to hear of you and had to know about you and he would,
what would be the case? Would you be okay with what you're doing with your condition? Would you be okay with
one of the last advices of Rasulullah saw Salam was about women. It's those who have been Nyssa the prophets of Salaam has not only advised us to treat our women well, but he says remind one another to treat the women well Subhan Allah so inshallah I pray that Allah can open our doors, grant us goodness, I thought I would talk for 20 minutes, but it's already 26 minutes and I'm only starting. So what we can do, let's have as many cats as possible, keep on coming every time we will speak for 2025 minutes to give a dose at a time. May Allah grant us love. May Allah grant us Mohammed Allah purify our hearts, may we be from among those who can marry once we are ready to marry you can
afford it you are able your deen you have loved you are capable. You are okay with it. And Subhan Allah.
Allah is telling you, you are ready.
You ready for it?
You know, there's one point that came to my mind. And I thought of it for a reason.
We have culture that sometimes clashes with the deen a culture is not always a bad thing. Remember that if cultures normally they are they in order to to give us a little bit of know how to navigate through things and do things in society community for as long as it does not go against the what the Sherry has taught. It's, it's a good thing. But sometimes some of these cultures are strangling us. And we still hold fast on it. Let me give you one example.
A girl or a boy.
Allah has given you an order of your children firstborn second, 1/3 1/4 one right or wrong.
Allah has returned Rosie and sustenance for each one. It comes before they were born into return, what's going to what they're going to do? Marriage is part of Rosie sustenance, some will get married, some will not get married, some may get married and divorced, some may not get divorced, some may marry more than once.
Right? No, no, no, no, don't smile, Allah grant us is it's not a joke. So the reality is your sustenance is written If a person's sustenance was written such that they may not get married soon, and the second child is ready to get married. A lot of cultures say no, wait for the first one. You can't. That's not from Islam. That's not in Islam, there is no hierarchy who must get married first. And second. If it happens, it's good. It's nice. And it's something that we should try. You get the first one married, then the next one, then the next one. It's a good thing. But it's not cast in stone. It's not cast in stone. In my case, for example, with my children, I would love it if we
could move in order. But if a young one has this some proposal for a younger one compared to the older one, and it meets the criteria, your duty unto Allah is to let it happen. You don't waste time, you don't say we are all happy. But you have to wait for the older person to get married way in Islam. Does it say that? So I want to clarify that because very few people talk about this. Let me not,
you know, don't get me wrong. I did say it's a good thing to follow the order. But it's not cast in stone where there is an interest and there is a good person good proposal coming for the second or third or the person of your children. Let it be don't lose. And let me give you an example.
safe for example, a job is also sustenance. If your firstborn didn't get a job quickly Are you going to refuse the job of the second one and the third one just because the first one didn't get a job or if they all
Have businesses and the one customers are coming to the second son's shop more than the first we tell him please close here. Go to the first one. You will never do that. So this is also Rosie This is also sustenance. If Allah has sent sustenance for the third one and not the first two no problem let it be we are failing a times because we are holding on ages catching up. Maybe the first one didn't marry now the first one's age is going to 25 3035 still not married. What's the punishment? Why are we punishing the other three for after that? May Allah open our doors make dua get our children but make it easy for them not hard.
Don't have big big weddings where others see you and think I can't have a wedding because you know what, what will the community say mine is going to be so small. The best of those marriages are the ones with the least of expensive according to the hubby. Let's go for it. Let's make it easy. We must we must facilitate for our children. I tell you why we're living in a technologically advanced age where Xena and haram has become so easy that you are a Willy of Allah only if you can stay away from that. I promise you
I promise you so for us to facilitate for our children the halaal when we know they have an option of doing haram but they are staying away because of the fear of Allah How long are you going to allow shaytan to dangle the carrot in front of them when you know it's so easy for me to take the character we give them Allah I'm the father I'm the mother I can we can come together we can allow them to get married and Bismillah But no, we make it so hard. We have a whole list of things we say you can't do this. You can't do that. That is not on. We need to inshallah make a difference with this. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease inshallah, in a few moments, I will be officiating
and nica although there are senior allama here but inshallah we get there too. And we ask Allah to bless not only the couple that are coming together today, but all those who are already married, those who are not married those who've lost their spouses, either through divorce or through death. Those who don't have children may Allah bless every one of us with goodness May Allah protect us always carry yourself in a way that you would be the best spouse from all the prophets are seldom says you want to know who is the best from the people.
The best from the people are those who are best to their spouses to their wives in particular. And then the opposite is also true. So are you really a good guy? Do you really think you're a good guy? What does your wife say about you?
If she says good guy in your absence, inshallah will believe it because she knows you inside out upside down better on
the rest of the people only know you a little bit. So May Allah make us such May Allah Subhana Allah grant us goodness Apollo kolyada masala Allahu wa salam o Baraka island.