Family Values – Part 1

Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

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Episode Notes

Sisters Program in Kaduna Nigeria
25 Nov 2019


AI: Summary © The speaker discusses the pros and cons of the disconnect between people and their families, including the importance of belief in the Sun parable and the use of the "will" of Islam to create connections. They also touch on the challenges of mental health issues and the importance of family members being present in one's behavior and reputation. The speaker emphasizes the need for parents to say they love their children and not just to give them money for their sex.
AI: Transcript ©
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salaam aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

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smilla rahmanir rahim In the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful

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Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy.

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We praise Allah subhanho wa Taala upon all conditions, we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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his companions, his household, all those who struggled and stroll through the generations to preserve the goodness to teach it to us, and to convey it in a way that today we are seated here in this beautiful Masjid in this lovely, lovely place, known as Kaduna,

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in the blessing country of Nigeria, Mashallah.

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We thank Allah. For me. It is a dream come true.

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To be able to sit

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in such a lovely Masjid which is the house of Allah

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and to be able to address my sisters, my mother's my daughters, and possibly some of my granddaughters.

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May Allah bless you all.

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Before I commence, I want to acknowledge the sisters who are outside those who did not fit or could not have made it into the masjid. We acknowledge you may Allah bless you. Your reward is written and the sisters sitting in the masjid have said amin very loudly for you Mashallah.

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That having been said My dearest mothers and sisters,

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I want to draw dive straight into the topic

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that I've been given and that is

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family values

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towards instilling these family values.

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Do you know on the globe today, there is a trend of people detaching from their families.

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There is a trend of people believing that your happiness lies in your distance from your own family.

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I want to highlight to you the pros and cons. And I want to take you through what Allah subhanho wa Taala has actually taught us. Firstly, who made you

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Allah Who created you,

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Allah when He created you, he had a choice. He could have created you in any way he wanted.

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We could have grown like the trees, we could have been like any other creature. He could have made us separated. But he decided to create us in a certain way.

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This is why in suatu Nisa

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right at the beginning Allah reminds us of how he chose to create us.

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Yeah, I

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Bakula, the follow up on

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what law

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in law.

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Amazing. First we heard it a lot, I'm sure. And it has in it the crux of how Allah made us all what Allah chose in terms of a path through which we would be on earth. He says all people, normally Allah says oh, you who believe but in some places in the Quran, he says, Oh people because the message is for all people, even if you don't believe. He says, Oh people.

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Be conscious of the one who made you constantly think today I received a message from someone to say, you know, I have these atheistic beliefs and I said, you know, where were you two years before you were born? Try to think deeply about that question. And it will make you realize Another thing is look at yourself. You have a brain you have eyes, you have a nose, you have ears, you have a feeling you have a heart You have so much you love and you dislike and so on when you die. Do you really think that such a complicated system that is more complicated than any computer on Earth, or any technological advancement apparatus on earth?

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Can it just come to an end suddenly gone? Boom.

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It's no more, we're not going to meet again, we're not going to see you, etc. On Earth, I might not know you personally. But trust me, when we make it to the other side, we will know each other personally. It's very possible if we want to at the time, very possible, there has to be something more grand than what we have right now. So the thought of this will drive you back to Allah O you who believe that's what Allah says in many places in the Quran, where the message is specialized, this place Allah is saying, hope people, be conscious of he who made you think about the one who made you and let the Salah come back home, be conscious of or develop a relationship with the one

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who made you you know the term Robin, it has to do with the nourishing the cherishing the providing the protecting the curing, and to be in control of you, and your sustenance and everything else that is inclusive in the term of boon Allah says Be Think about your rub, develop a good relationship with Europe, with the one who made you right? Think about it.

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You will never no matter how sophisticated your brain might be, no matter how educated you may think you are, you will never ever be able to distance yourself from he who made you whom you are going to return to. Because, like I said earlier, where were you two years before you were born? And where will you be the moment you leave the earth? Where will you be? So panela so it's, it's important. Allah says, Allah, Allah to come, who is Europe, the one who created you, from what? From one soul? He created you from one soul? It started with one, just one, Allah made one.

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What happened after he created that one? So there are several narrations that make mention of it. I know there are some who contest it. Remember my dearest mothers and sisters. There are people who don't believe in the Hadith of the Prophet SAW Selim at all. So, in order for us to distinguish ourselves from them, we are known as loosen which means we are not only for our honeymoon, we believe in the sooner as well. The term hallucinate I'm sure you have earned that right. It comes from the fact that we believe in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, in the Hadith in his lifestyle in the fact that it is a sacred revelation from Allah as well. We believe in the Hadith we

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are known as Allah soon. Then there are some people who do not believe in the Sahaba Do you know that they say the Sahaba were all cheats or other Billa they say they were criminals or rubella. They say they were hypocrites and hamdulillah they handpick five or six and they say besides these, all the rest, where we discount them in order to protect ourselves from that belief, we are known as well. Gemma, we believe in the group, the group of who Gemma to Sahaba we believe in the group of the companions as well. So when someone says I assume now and Gemma, it means I believe in the Quran and the Sunnah and the companions of the Prophet SAW Selim to me, they are my role models and I take

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from them so we are part of and assume that you will jamara I hope you understand I worded it very simply for you to know forever What is the meaning of the term Anderson ojama They are people who say la ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasul Allah, which means they are Muslim, but they may not be from Allah sunova jamara because there may be something wrong with one of these two things that I have spoken about. So I am saying this because Allah Subhana Allah, Allah tells us I created you from one soul. Some people say No, that's not true.

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And Allah says wahala amin jaha we created from it, its spouse, how Allah created it. I don't know. You don't know. We were only told. Were you there to witness it? No. Was I there to witness it? No. So how do I know it from the Hadith? I am sunova Gemma, I take the Hadith. Do you understand the point? So if you look at the Jews and the Christians and the Muslims, they share a common belief that how May peace be upon her was created from Adam. Sometimes you have some women who say no that is very insulting. You know, how can you say I was created from a ribbon. While I want to tell you something. Adam was created from dust, which is worse.

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Which is worse dust or the

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dust right or wrong? It's got nothing to do with what is worse and what is not worse. If we see dust on the windowsill we want to literally the term in English is called to dust it which means to get rid of the tusks. We are created from something we don't like ourselves. Do you know that? We are created from dust if there is dust here, dust there. What will you do? You will hit it with a cloth you'll hit it with a little duster and dust it off.

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But you will create it from that. If you have mud on your fingers, you can't wait to wash it. If you have mud on your own clothes, you say take it out, but you will create it from the same mud Subhana layer of banal I mean, look at Allah. So don't be insulted by what Allah created you from that is besides the point totally besides the point, Allah did not give you a say in it. So don't start arguing with others about it. Forget about it.

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Just say yes, we know we were created from whatever Allah created us from because Allah chose to create us from it right now I am who I am, because Allah made me but I know that the route is one. So what happened? If you look at what had been Kathy Rahim? Allah says in a book that he has compiled, known as albida. When he speaks about how Adam and his son was lonely, he was lonely.

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And when he was lonely, he needed some form of companionship. And so he prayed to Allah to alleviate that loneliness. And so one day Allah blessed him with who

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Hawa Mashallah, Mashallah Baraka, Allah, Allah blessed him, and Subhana Allah Subhana Allah, it was such a great blessing from the two, they gave comfort to each other. And I'm going to cut a long story short, they actually helped each other get closer to Allah after they had committed a sin together. You know, people argue and debate they say these women they lead us astray. You know, they look at her work she made Adam eat from the from the forbidden fruit. That's not true. She didn't make someone eat. It was shapen. Who made both of them meet you follow the point. So don't let one blame you and say you know what? You can you ladies You are a problem. You are not a problem. May

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Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us is.

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So it was shaper. He attacked? Both of them. He convinced both of them. He tried with both of them they ate where do I get that from? Allah says for Gala. I mean half

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to whom they both ate from it. Subhana Allah, Allah didn't say one eight and then he told other one come eat or she told the other one compete? No, they both did the wrong thing. They regretted it because Allah subhana wa Taala expose them by Allah subhanho wa Taala cavas.

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And Allah says, well, they sought forgiveness, we forgave them, we sent them onto Earth, and we started giving them children. The reproduction started not in while they were in what was known as gender agenda to Liberty law. It was a special place that Allah created. And he called it gender to Liberty law, a special type of gentlemen, created specially for this test that he wanted. Allah knew in his divine plan what he wanted. People ask me sometimes, no, so give me the details. I tell them when you meet Allah, you will ask him and Allah will let you know.

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It was not me who did it. Yesterday someone asked me a strange question. I said we will both ask Allah one day what he meant by this Subhana Allah sometimes we don't know it's a matter of belief. May Allah subhanahu wa taala, strengthen our Eman. So my dear sisters, my beloved mothers, my beloved daughters, Mashallah Adam alayhis salam was excited, he was happy he had children and so on. And you know what they had each other.

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Imagine if you are one person one,

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and you're in a bush on an island, all alone, your own species, what will happen to you? I know some people who have a tough life in their families, they will say I can't wait for that. Right? They will say I really want to be on this island where I'm all alone. Trust me. After a few days, you start crying for your people. You are wishing for someone else to be with you because a day a few days have passed, the honeymoon is over basically. So what will happen, you want to eat, you want to drink, you start missing home and so on, you know, and you start missing things and people may Allah bless us all I mean, so Adam alayhis salam was happy the children came along one after the other.

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That's why Allah says and I'm just translating the verse that I read earlier, Allah says that, but I mean, humare, Jalan caphyon, when he saw from the two of them, a lot caused a multitude of male and female to spread across the earth. So our source is one which means we have come from one origin, that origin Allah decided it will be Adam and Eve. You follow? I'm sitting in Kaduna. Allah Hi, my dear sisters, look, I'm calling you my sisters, my mother's my daughters. We are related. Do you know that?

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We are relatives? Yes.

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Do you doubt that?

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Thank you. So we are part of a family but the weakest of the

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Not to not realize that the strongest of the Latina women, they recognize it and they work for it, a lot chose for me things that I did not choose for myself. And that itself proves that I am on earth for a test. You know, when you are tested, you are given questions you did not write right? You are given situations you did not want to put yourself into, and you are told right? Let's see what you're going to do. I've thrown this at you reply respond.

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I was born in Zimbabwe, who chose that I didn't.

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You were born here. I was born with a skin color. You were born with a skin color. amongst us there are people who are fake or dark, was it your choice. So it is only he or she who recognizes the greatness of Allah, who will actually appreciate the differences as respectful difference rather than a discriminating difference. You follow what I'm saying?

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If you love someone for the sake of Allah, whether they are from Nigeria or China, or Australia, or South America, or Greenland or yellow land, it is also Hannah law part of the gift of Allah, you understand we are one it's just that Allah chose, you will be born in this place, and to this race and to this financial standing of the home etc. Allah has written all of that and Allah decides it, I cannot I cannot, I cannot have a say in it and have not had a say in it. Even the type of children you have, what exactly is going to happen? people were asking me saying, you know, this family unit nowadays, you can actually have gene therapy where they can choose the color of the eyes, the skin

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that knows that this that that I'm sure you are reading, you have read perhaps about some of it. If you haven't, I'm just letting you know. So people say isn't that defying Allah subhanho wa Taala. And I say You know what?

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with us, we are happy with what Allah has given us. And even if someone has chosen those things through a laboratory, it does not undermine what Allah subhanho wa Taala has come with. Can I give you one example. When you have a scan of the fetus that lies within the womb of a woman, and you tell the agenda, it happens, right? All My Children, I already knew the agenda of them, all of them without or before they were born, all my kids. And I have eight girls and two boys and I was delighted. Every time there was a good

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social Pamela each time I knew that this is a girl and I was very excited. Does that defy the verse of the Quran where Allah says, Why Allah mama feel?

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One of the keys of the unseen unknown is that Allah alone knows what is inside the womb. So people say well, nowadays we have a scam. That verse of the Quran is wrong. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, did Allah say or the gender or this or that? No, he said, What? You give me the exact makeup of that amniotic fluid that is within that womb? Can you it is in the womb? No, you cannot tell me the exact time slip moment of birth. Allah roti, tell me the good fortune of the child it is written in the womb Can you give it you cannot Allah knows what is in they

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tell me the date of death of this child. You cannot tell me many other factors. So let's not be so shallow as to think it only refers to gender or whatever else you can measure. It's not it's way deeper than that. But some people have lost their Eman because they start thinking you see this verse May Allah forgive us.

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La ilaha illa Allah so Allah subhanahu wa taala says I created you in a specific way and you know what he says thereafter?

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he does

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he will

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be conscious of the Almighty whose name you use when you want to swear an oath. You know when I want you to believe me What do I say?

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And here in Nigeria, I heard someone say

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what's going on?

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La ilaha illAllah La ilaha illAllah Am I right? Subhana Allah so you know what it is? Mashallah.

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So you use the name of Allah for people to believe you. Allah says Watch out. Don't use that name in vain. Be conscious of the one whose name you use. Imagine how great is the one whose name you are using. So people believe you. How great is he? You're using the name so people believe you Wow, that must be really really great. He is the greatest. So Allah says and I want you to be conscious of something else on our ham, the wombs that gave birth to you. Be conscious of them.

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The wounds, what are the wounds? The wounds refers to your mothers and your grandmothers,

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your sisters, your children, and the rest of the women on Earth. Imagine when Allah is guiding people, he started off by saying be conscious of me and be conscious of females. The fact that you need to respect them, you need to understand not only will it be your mother's and your grandmother's, etc, but any other female. Our hammer is generally a common term referring to the wombs. And it is used to refer to relatives that will or harm means your relatives while your relatives because you are connected through birth somehow some way distinct or close. Right? you're connected. So why am I connected? Let me tell you the first gift of Allah family unit and its

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importance. If you were born, and nobody took care of you, would you be here today?

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We would have died at childbirth.

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A lot kept it such that automatic love grew in the heart of your mother, as you became a greater burden in the belly of the same mother. It was heavy, heavy, lack of sleep pains, varicose veins, whatever else you want to say one after the other stretchmarks but your mother loved you more and more and was more excited as you became heavier knowing that you're growing well inside there, right.

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But there was a lot of pain, love came with that pain. As soon as you were born. Mostly, every pain became irrelevant.

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I used to say it is totally forgotten but many women will tell you I don't forget that. I know the pain. It was very very painful. I thought I was not going to make it right.

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So we will say never mind whether you remember the pain or not but it becomes irrelevant. My baby my child. That's why they will give you the child almost instantly in order to heal you. You don't mind now What happened? That's my child. There we go. Who created the love between you?

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And Allah created the love between you and your spouse before that by the will of Allah by the will of Allah, Masha Allah.

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Allah He that verse refers to when you get married, a lot creates between those who are conscious of Him

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and who have developed their character and conduct a lot creates between them a beautiful love. The problem with us today is Guess what? We are far from Allah. So we don't feel that love that Mercy is not felt between the two. When you have been married for a few years to Panama.

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If you are true to Allah, you appreciate your spouse, much more than you did the day you got married. You now know they have sacrificed for you. They have been your children, or in the case of the men they have earned they have gone out they have tried hard they have been there for you. The problem is when we don't fulfill our role, we cannot feel that mercy and we do not feel that love. People say I fell in love to this day. I have not received an explanation of why you have to fall.

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Why do you have to fall to this day? I have not received an explanation. I fell in love. Why don't they say I swam in love? Why don't they say for example, I flew into love You know, it has to be to fall because it is painful. I think it is painful when the person you love lets you down. It is very painful when the one you really look up to has shattered the glass. It is very painful.

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That's why they say from the beginning you have just fallen La ilaha illAllah La ilaha illAllah. They say love is blind. Truly it is totally blind.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. So the family Allah has put it in place from the very beginning as a blessing. So when you were a baby, had you not had a family you would not have been taken care of. And you know what Allah did, those whose families were not interested in taking care of those children. Allah did a few things for them. Number one, perhaps Allah put the love in someone else to look after the child. Say you lost your mother at childbirth, or you lost your father earlier etc. Allah has automatically created the love in the hearts of others be the family members or otherwise to say I will look after this child at times we were looked after by parents

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who were not our biological

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Parents in a way that was better than what our own biological parents would have been able to afford us. Do you know that? Thank Allah that is Allah. Allah says we gave it to you. And congratulations to all those who are taking care of children who are not biologically this, you have a reward with Allah

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and our calf Iulia team, cotton even gentlemen, myself and the one who looks after the orphan will be like these two fingers in general. And he joined the first and the second together. Look at the reward. Why? Because you are just helping, it's the love. We are still family, we are still together, we are still one.

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Then as you grow older, what happens? someone close to you by the will of Allah, if you didn't have family family was not important. Who would have clothed you? Someone gave you a name? La ilaha illAllah. Some of us change those names later on, right?

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Maybe not here in Kaduna, we are quite good still. There are people nowadays on earth who say, What? I didn't choose my name and changing it. Come on, come on. La Ilaha Illa, Allah,

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May Allah forgive us?

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You didn't even choose what you ate at the beginning? Why don't you give him back?

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The venue. And that's why we say from a parental perspective, Allah gives you full control of the child initially, and takes it away slowly. But surely, as the child grows older, with the first major decision that needs to be made by the child, being who they're going to get married to.

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That's the first major decision that they have to make on their own with your guidance. And why do I say with your guidance today, one of the biggest problems I have faced from meaning the people have told me about the database. So the challenges I have faced as a result of people asking me the following question.

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I want to marry so and so my father or my mother is not allowing me What should I do? You know what I don't know the person you want to marry? How can I tell you go ahead, Oh, don't go ahead. I really don't have a clue. You could be married and you know, 95 times 95% of the time, and I'm telling you 95% of the time, based on feedback I've gotten people are unhappy with the with those type of choices where the family's not with them at all, not at all. Still, if they were totally wrong, it's another issue. But family is very important. Learn to have the best communication today on Earth. We are facing lots of mental health issues, mental health issues, we actually acknowledge that yes, it

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is there. The people are normal, but they are suffering challenges. Mental health is a major problem. And you know what we are to reach out to such people we are to provide them comfort and love and kindness and care. And one of the solutions for that guess what it is? One of the solutions is to have a strong loving family unit that you can fall back on.

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When you don't have a strong, solid, loving family unit that you can fall back on. You know what happens? You tend not to come out of those mental health issues. Soon. It makes matters worse, you follow what I'm saying? So if you'd like to become relaxed, cool, work on your family, be there with your family. I know we don't have ideal situations today.

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You might complain My family is not ideal. My father is an adulterer. My mother is having an affair. My This is not kid my father beats me up and so on all that is what we would like to address because you know what? It makes life very difficult for the children for those around what is life all about? It's not about going out and enjoying and doing as you please rather prepare for the hereafter. That's what it's all about. We pass the baton to the next generation you had your time. You know when you clock 4045 5055 you need to start thinking about empowering others, thinking about empowering others even before that.

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But you cannot be 5560 and still involved in sins in the way that you are not even bothered about going back to Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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And this is why when it comes to the Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala has given value to the parents, so much value to the parents, and Allah knows that there will be some parents who are really tough.

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Allah knows there will be some parents who will be an embarrassment. He knows that. But he prefers to give you the guidelines of being kind to your parents, and respectful. How many of us especially the young are still crying

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and respectful to our parents. Can I tell you something I noticed? Do you really want to hear it?

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In Kaduna and not just Kaduna. But in Nigeria at large. There are still a lot of beautifully cultured families where there is utmost respect for the parents.

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Do you notice that and hamdulillah don't allow your culture to be dissolved, when it is something good.

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If the culture is teaching you something primitive and making life difficult in the name of culture that is against Islamic values, we will discount that culture. The champions are those who actually sideline it Can I give you one example.

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Please don't be upset with me.

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Our weddings are too lavish and too expensive. We have made it difficult for our children to marry. Because of how glamorous we want that wedding to be.

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I give it to our from this Masjid to all those parents who can simplify the weddings of their children to some simple function. May Allah bless them and give them gentle without reckoning. Because today, it is more difficult to have a simple wedding than to have a massive Big Show when the idea was never about the show. So I told you a good thing and I told you something that requires correction, inshallah. It's not wrong to have a massive winning if Allah has given you the wealth Alhamdulillah but you are setting a trend for others Watch out. You want a good reward the same Mohammed salatu salam who we believe and we call ourselves asuna because he Suna means everything to

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us. Right? The same Prophet Muhammad Rasul Allah has asked us to simplify, has asked us to understand has asked us to set a good example when we set a bad example we get the sin of it. I know families in this country

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who will say I really want to get married.

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But you know what? I don't I don't I can't afford it. yet. I said, What can't you afford? The wedding?

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And I'm thinking but what about the life to come after that we have become such that we have put pressure on society and community to live on the level that really they cannot. And therefore we are never happy. We are never happy. Never ever happy. The prettiest of women, the prettiest of women

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are those

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with all due respect to everyone

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who are totally satisfied with what Allah has blessed them with? And don't need to make it up with what man has made up? La ilaha illa Allah?

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Are you happy with what Allah gave you? Why do you need to? Okay, I'm not saying it's wrong, perhaps to want to put a little bit to look a little bit better, perhaps. But we spend more money than we've given the poor in our lives on our own faces. Is it a reality? What type of happiness Are we going to achieve? Why given to pressure of the Joneses when the Joneses are on another level all together? Recently, I saw the face of someone extremely wealthy

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on a magazine cover, not a drop of makeup, and my heart gave it to our to c'est la ilaha illAllah. If these are our role models, I pray that our young girls do not give him or do not become dissolved by the pressures of the rest

00:33:43--> 00:33:43


00:33:45--> 00:33:56

be happy. Your hair is from Allah love it. Your complexion is from Allah love it. Those who love Allah will love you as you are. If they don't, they don't love Allah.

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Don't be mistaken. Don't be fooled. You really want someone Trust me. I have had cases you might think it's strange cases not in this country out of this country in the Middle East, where the wife's condition is that you are not allowed to see her without makeup.

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How? I couldn't believe it when I heard it. It sounded wrong. Like maybe I'm reading something totally absurd. But the man says I don't want this woman anymore. Why? I have now seen her without makeup.

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00:34:28--> 00:34:34

How? Exactly That's what I'm saying. You are shocked. Don't be shocked. This world is full of glucose.

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Trust me. We are crazy. Love how Allah made you be yourself, your identity, your family, be proud of your family, what's wrong, so it's okay

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to bless us.

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You know, Islam is so simple and it simplifies things for us. And Allah has blessed us with a lot of goodness

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The problem is we make it difficult for ourselves,

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make it difficult for ourselves. I'm not saying you're not allowed a few nice things and a little bit of here and there, one or two little luxuries, etc. It might make you smile. But that's not the main focus of your life. That is not the main focus of your life. That is not who you are. It's not what you stand for. So panela

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so let's get back to what we were seeing. The family unit is such that well law he, it is a law who chooses who you have. Your father was chosen by Allah, your mother was chosen by Allah. Like I said, When Allah chooses something without you having had a say in it, it's part of your test, what will you do?

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I want to kick off by addressing abusive fathers. There are some fathers who sexually abused their own children in some parts of the world, what an insult What a disgrace. Those are not fit to be fathers, they are disqualified from being your Willy, you can actually do something about it, you could even jail them. There is no harm you jail your own father, by by complaining to them or by reporting them to authority.

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We will never condone abuse of your own children. It's happening. It is happening. Let's not lie about it.

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Number one, but can I tell you what,

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Allah keeps reminding us to be good to our children as well. Not just kindness to parents, but parents to also be merciful upon the children have mercy on your child. When you talk to your child, don't just scream and yell I know you're busy. I know you've had a lot of kids. I know you're impatient because kid after kid that's what happens. I know but have mercy.

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Allah will have mercy on you. It's a short small sacrifice in a few years time, you become

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you know, so blessed. You have children almost your age. You know what that means? You grew up with them.

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When I had my firstborn, I was 20. So Panama

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20. And so you can imagine how it is to have kids so para la who are just your friends, you know? Mashallah, Baraka, right?

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But initially, it's a struggle, it is definitely a struggle, especially with the mothers, a lot of the fathers, they're like, yes, Mashallah, they'll come home. And that's it.

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May Allah make it easy. My beloved children learn to respect your parents, respect them, greet them with love, kindness, respect, if you have a disagreement, put it forward respectfully. And this is where the parents come in as well. One law he we need to develop a relationship with our children that is open and free in terms of communication, they should be able to tell us anything and everything. Do you know why there was a time when that was not possible? Now, with globalization, we are losing our kids.

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Globalization has come with good things and bad things. There are a lot of good things that globalization has come with many. But some of the bad things are that you know what, culturally, we sometimes become dissolved. Sometimes we lose our morals and values, which is very, very, very bad. We have values that are noble and very high. And we are being taught to abandon them No. So because our children are exposed to so much, if we don't have an open relationship with them of love, care, kindness, transparency, and good communication, we're not going to be able to address matters and to look after our children in the correct way.

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So that's for the parents. And as for the children, speak to your father, speak to your mother, talk to him or her.

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It doesn't need to be I know, culturally, those who come from very cultured homes, they won't even talk to their father, they'll have to speak to the mother first, or the brother to speak to the mother to speak to the Father. That is cultural. I agree. Right now, technology is advancing at a pace where we need to be able to talk to our fathers in a way

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that is very respectful, but tell them what is in your heart. And I will address the males a little bit later to say Oh, my beloved fathers, talk to your children. Don't think because you're a big businessman name has come via via via No, no, not at all.

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Talk to them, listen to them, see what they want. They are intelligent. They know. They have feelings. They have a lot that is happening. They are challenges online that they are facing. You know many children today are being brought up online. They grow up online, honestly.

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So you might not even have spoken to them about values and morals. They might not have seen it from you and guess what they are already learning things that are totally foreign.

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Everything you stand for, where did they get it from?

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online? Thank you online.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy. I told you it's a good thing or it's a bad thing. We got to know each other from the same online, right? technology.

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So let's acknowledge that it is really a good thing if you use it wisely. If you don't, we are going to fail. Totally, and dismally.

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My beloved mother's my sisters, my children, you know, the family unit is made up of many people, each one has to fulfill the role. And remember, we cannot just blame the children, and we cannot blame just the parents, we need to look at every situation and guide, keep fulfilling the rights. I have normally spoken about how parents are failing in their, in their duty towards children. And then the parents write to me some emails, short emails, you know, parents write shorter than their children. And they're not not always but in a lot of cases, especially when they're very old. I don't think they really have the time to type. I'm one of them. Okay, so they keep it short, brief

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to the point and they say you only attack parents, when are you going to guide the children? I've received emails like that. So I reply, saying you only listen to clips they send you When are you going to listen for yourself.

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Because naturally, when you see a clip where it says respect, your wife will be good to your wife, quietly, you send it to the father of the children, you know, hoping that he might see the clip when he sees it. He thinks we only talk about that. But if he wants to check you would also find his own clip to send back to you.

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The problem is

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some of them are too busy making money they don't have the time to listen. May Allah forgive us money is not everything. I'd rather I always tell my children. Rather you marry a person who might be living in a heart who will treat you with a lot of love care and affection. And, and absolute mercy in the home that to marry a man who might have a lot but he's not going to respect you. And if Allah blesses you with someone who has a lot, and he's going to be merciful, Allah He has given you neurone Allah know,

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you understand what I'm saying. So the best blessing because when we make dua for spouses, I have asked in the past, I'm not going to ask you now, because we have already covered a lot of our time. But in the past, I've asked some of the girls, when you make to offer a spouse, please write down what type of a spouse you make too often, you will be shocked.

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Those men are only found the gentlemen, I tell you, you have to compromise certain things. You have to compromise certain things. Someone comes to propose, you know, sometimes will lie. And I'm going to say this because it is a problem. Sometimes you've met someone some way. And you know, it's your right as as a girl to raise it in your family while like it's your right. I know some parents think How could you say this? Even in India and Pakistan and those places they have a similar problem? How dare you come up with your own idea? But Dad, I have eyes? I saw something you didn't see. Yes. Imagine you saw a car that you know, your father would like. And you saw it at a good price as

00:43:30--> 00:43:48

you're walking through the alley. And you went home and say Dad, you know that Rolls Royce you want. I saw one way, it's only for 1 million naira that is wasted. I wanted you trust me about a car. You don't trust me about the guy. So you will love him more than the Rolls Royce dead?

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But you're not always right. You're not always right. I want to tell you something. You see, when you see someone, sometimes if you don't have the guidance of your family and the olders a lot will slip through your fingers which you did not notice about the same person. And hence we have a lot of divorces. People say you know these arranged marriages, how are they? I say what do you mean by arranged marriage? It can mean many things. If it is an arranged introduction, I support it. But if it is totally telling you listen, your wedding is on 11th of July 2020. Then I don't support it because who am I marrying? Don't worry, we'll see.

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That's not allowed. In Islam. We don't do that. We don't do that. The woman has a say according to the Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem. She has a say indeed, she can say yes or no, it's up to her. But arranged introductions. That's how I was married. That's how I think many of us were married. Right? When someone suggested someone you met them. You met them maybe again, maybe once or twice. Sometimes you agreed sooner sometimes it took you a longer while and so on. Is that wrong? No. It's perfect.

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

One of the best ways of getting married,

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arranged introduction Do you know why they have already done the groundwork about the family unit and everything else they know you're going into a system whereby if you have a problem, you are going to have support. But the system you want when you have a problem you have all on your own, a fish swimming in the island on its own, to fish even swim on an island. They swim in the water. May Allah forgive us. So the point i'm saying is Allah blocks something you want some times. Why?

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Because he knows there is something else he has given you, that is better for you. And you are holding the poles on the side of the doors, forcing yourself not to go through with what Allah wants you to go through, yet the person Your parents are trying to get you married to might be a million times better than the guy who you passed by. It could be it could be it has happened. So therefore, consider all factors before making your final decisions. I cannot just blast parents, sometimes parents when I spoke to them, on certain occasions when people tell me my father is disagreeing, speak to him. And you know what? He has some valid points, what do you want me to do? He said, You

00:46:15--> 00:46:25

know, this guy, he's a drug addict proven. Sometimes it's just a swipe. But he has this this this this, all I'm asking for is a, b and c is that too much? I say no, you have the right to ask.

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And then we are depressed.

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That's why I say in order to promote our own family unit, do not attach your heart too easily

00:46:37--> 00:46:39

to the opposite sex.

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In fact, it should not be attached until the day you get married. And I would say even when you marry as much as the Love is a lot. Always remember that your true attachment is to Allah and Allah alone.

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That is when you will not be let down so badly. When you attach to Allah, you will know that what ever Allah has done for me is the best.

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I want to tell you something about myself. Can I let you in on it?

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Today I'm sitting here

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in Kaduna, meeting blessing people, I believe May Allah bless every one of us.

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One of the reasons is because Allah closed a lot of doors of mind as I was growing up,

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every one of us.

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We are where we are today. In terms of success, because a lot closed doors in our lives, that we might have thought would have led us to success yet today. We have bigger success than we would have claimed to have.

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Don't we? Oh Allah. thanks and gratitude for closing our doors. La ilaha illAllah La ilaha illa Allah don't we owe a lot of things and gratitude.

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I remember La ilaha illa Allah things I desperately wanted in life. And suddenly there was a metal door that came in front, boom, closed, you're not entering. So we went on the site, went on the site, another door as we are going went on that site because it was closed. As we went again, one door was open, we had to go through it because it was the only door open. When we went through it. We saw a huge passage that led us to a place we couldn't even imagine we would have gotten to as we went through our own little doors from the beginning.

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And this happens even in marriage, trust me even in marriage.

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Thank Allah, you just work towards pleasing Allah, He will do the rest. We are believers, we believe.

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So my beloved mothers, my sisters, my daughters, do you know that I have a part two of this talk

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in about an hour's time from now.

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And I'm going to let you in on something I'm sure you want to listen to it is it?

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It is being live streamed Mashallah. So you may be able to watch it by the will of Allah.

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And really, I have a lot to say I will I'm only warming up. I've only started in Kaduna.

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Normally when I travel, I don't give importance to food. Because I'm not here to eat. I came for something I don't mind not eating actually. I don't mind having water and just a little bite to keep alive. Some people eat to live and some people live to eat. I

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I'm the first one I hope. You know, we need to live.

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Some people's whole focus on life is all about food.

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But I want to tell you I came to Kaduna

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and I was very tired. I told the brothers Please let me sleep. Don't worry. I'm a massage.

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I will join my Salah I will do whatever I have to

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let me sleep. I got up I had quite a fresh sleep and hunger, meaning I felt quite fresh after that sleep. It was nice. And I had a little shower, I came out and some had a life felt so good. There was some breeze in the air that wasn't elsewhere, you know? So I said, Wow, that's great. came in.

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They gave me something to eat.

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You won't believe it. I enjoyed it so much I kept eating.

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You want to know what it was?

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I think there is a restaurant here nearby called Shifu.

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Have you come across it?

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And I was wondering what it's all about. But trust me, I sampled it and I tried it and I was quite impressed. I told the brother you need to open in Makkah, you know, sha Allah make it easy. But that having been said, Thank you for your hospitality is a common law fair, I pray that we can continue. This is only an introduction to the topic, but at the same time, you have a few messages that are very, very strong and powerful. Number one, let's go back to respecting our parents. Let's go back to giving value to our parents, make them feel worthwhile. And show them the love keep telling them you love them and let let them also say to us, we ask our parents who are here, keep telling your

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children how much you love them. Even if traditionally it's taboo to say I love you. Because online they are people saying I love you so much that people think wow, you know this is it and they don't realize what a law he your father loves you more than all of them put together. But it's just cultural that he didn't say to you, it's cultural that he didn't say to you so this is why we definitely need you as parents to understand that type of culture. We are paying a price for it. We need to tell our children We love you. You know, I may never have been told by my father that I love you. In fact, he has never said that to me. Not once.

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Even my mother not once as she said it to me, but I guarantee you they love me to bits and pieces because I feel it. But my kids I missing them on WhatsApp every other little while i love you my darling. I love you so to reinforce because I want my daughters to know that no matter which guy tells you i love you my father said it more than you and he meant it.

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May Allah bless you hola como como de la sala navasana Milan.