Family Life

Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

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Mufti Menk – UK February 2013 Tour, Birmingham

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As always we commenced by praising Allah Subhana Allah to Allah for He alone is in absolute control of every single aspect of existence No matter how much we praise Him, it won't be enough. Yeah Allah, all praises due to you and none but you For indeed you are the owner of praise. Allah subhanho wa Taala accepted from us, we also send blessings and salutations upon.

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And we ask Allah Subhana Allah, Allah to bless his entire household and all his companions, and every single one of us who are here this evening, may Allah bless us and our offspring goes to come up to the day of piano, and

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has every reason to smile, and maybe protect us from the reasons to be sad. Besides the fact that we be turning away from him. That should make us sad. Brothers and sisters, marriage is a hot topic because I read a few days ago, they say Getting married is like jumping into a hot bath, and having a hot shower. As soon as you get in, it's very hot. When you're getting once you get in, it's no longer than

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Allah Subhana Allah to Allah protect us and Goddess ease. Moments ago, we heard the brother who spoke about the Manage sites, sometimes it becomes difficult for brothers and sisters to get to meet the difficulty is a lot of those on happened to be married people.

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This is the reality that people are now registering their names just to flirt. So it is quite right. To be honest with you. We deal as counselors and social workers with crises of this nature. And we find that many, I used to think it was only men, maybe more men, but it's not only confined to men, they just have a little bit of fun. And the reason why they have a little bit of fun, which actually leads to a lot of destruction is because of another message I saw today, which I want to share with you again, they say when you manage lacks communication or trust,

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then it becomes like a phone without network. What do you do when your phone has no network? You play games on that phone. This is a reality. So you need communication. You need trust. And this is when you preserve your marriage, my brother, look at the sister you are married to and tell yourself this is somebody whose daughter, tell yourself she's a very respectable, lovable child who was brought up from birth, given birth to by a mother who also suffered through that childbirth. And tell yourself after such time I came about and I took her in my marriage and today I'm making her suffer. Today I look at her and make her cry. today. I say statements to her that are actually

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disastrous. Is that what marriage life is all about? And vice versa, my sister, the brother you are married to? He is also someone's brother. He is someone's child do not make him suffer when you look at him and when he looks at you, they should be reason for you to smile make each other's lives easy. And no matter who you marry, they will also become old if I was given your life and so you and this is why those who keep on living in this age of you know the difficulties we are living in an age of everything disposable. You know your cups are disposable. Your plates are disposable nappies to start with from birth are now disposable. We use use the durable ones, you know they wash put

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them back, no matter how messy It was a wash put them back.

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But our backsides are even cleaner.

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Because you have a disposable nappy A little while later, it's out there after you have something else A while later it's out people have things why later upgraded because you have a phone your network, you expect them to upgrade it. And so what happens it seeps through into our marriages. But that is one thing that is not supposed to be disposable. Because if you think your marriage is disposable, then you have a life that will be full of sorrow, full of stress. You will be searching for the purpose of life and you won't know it. The purpose of life is in order to serve the almighty you will be able to serve the almighty when you understand that made me happy with what is

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apportioned to me I made my mind up I decided and Alhamdulillah This is what it will be and I will work on it as best as I can. This is why

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the issue of divorce in Islam is frowned upon very strongly. But at times it's looked at as a means of mercy. Some faiths get married, never ever is the person allowed to break that marriage come what may and some faiths you're not even allowed to marry again after the death of your spouse. You know that

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when it comes to Islam, if your marriage has been broken beyond repair, the first thing you need to do is well if your marriage is suffocating, you need to talk to each other try and resolve it behind closed doors without

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Telling people the minute you tell people your problem from day one, meaning it's just started. And a few minutes later, you're phoning your mom, mom, this is what happened. The problem is going to compound because mom loves you so much. He's going to say fix him up. I know it's happened to even the best of people, where they've contacted their moms and mom loves them so much. It is no fix him up, you know what to do for him out of the door. knock it out. So mom doesn't know I'm living 300 miles down south. And here I'm locking him out and it's creating a bigger disaster. And she thinks my daughter's gonna fix him up. My mother, your daughter is replaceable, according to the brain of

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that man, especially when he does when she does that. So be careful. Be careful of your advice. Be careful. Make sure you know how to handle it. But the difficulties with us Why do you complain straight away to a human being complained to Allah and try to resolve the matter communication is so important. You What is the point of a mobile phone without network? So kind of love?

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a mobile phone is there to talk. You don't have network you're missing out on the three minutes. My brother, my sister today, I heard that you can have unlimited phone calls within the UK just with a small amount of pounds a month. And I'm thinking yeah, I mean, if we could use the same idea just to communicate with our spouses, I think somehow we would resolve half the matters. Today, we are happy to have unlimited calls to speak to people who are not at home with you. And the system at home or the brother at home is meant to struggle and suffer. Why? Because we have spent all that time on orange instead of a mango.

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We spend it on orange and everything else may Allah subhanho wa Taala says goddess, it's this is the reality in the house. We don't speak to one another and the sisters are even guilty of sometimes sitting on the phone hours on end without even thinking for a minute, what am I doing? I have a spouse, but sometimes they are driven to them because he comes back from work. First thing is now no longer the newspaper, but the television flick, flick, flick. And after that the phone and what happens click click click and after that he's off to bed. In fact no longer off to bed. He's snoring on the couch.

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My brothers and sisters, this is not how Muslim home should be. This is not what Muslim marriages are all about. This is not marital life. If you have a problem initially try and resolve it within yourselves. If you notice it's getting worse. Seek help. Yes, you may seek help from your parents, you may seek help from someone close to you. But don't advertise the weakness. And don't trust your friends to close sometimes, you know.

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And this is a true story. I'm going to say it again. Because I think it's very, very interesting. Some people don't realize that their friends marriages didn't work. And those are the people they're asking advice from. Have you ever thought of that? So your poor sister her marriage hasn't worked at all. And she is the one giving advice to every single person about how to make their marriages work. It may it may happen if she's now learned a lesson but sometimes they advise you so that you can sit exactly where they are sitting Allah protect us.

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And that having been said, I need to qualify my statement while law IE those who might have gone through divorce. Men and women, it does not make you bad. It doesn't mean you're bad. It just means two good people didn't get along because one drank only water and other one drank only coke. That's what it means. It's a nice way of putting it to say you perhaps have different inclinations you are lovely people, we don't deny that. Sometimes if you've had weaknesses, pick up on them and fix them up. It's like a motor vehicle being better than you know, you'd like to repair the vehicle, if you know that this is where the problem lies. But you cannot keep on jerking down the emcee until you

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get to Birmingham, when you know that it's just a small little spark plug that needs changing. Allahu Akbar. And this is why we say some marriages, there's no spark at all.

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The word spark plug brought brought a lot for me to say.

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You know, we look at a spark. Sometimes the spark is the spark of the devil. We heard moments ago, how really people get to meet each other sometimes in a very wrong environment totally wrong. And then they they want to marry each other and they want to help realize it. That's a word that I've just concocted but they want to highlight it it means they want to bring it from where it was and make it fair and good. Yes, we know what you're trying to do. We know you've living in the environment. But there's one thing you forgetting engaging a lot of is still hard for what you did so that you can clean your slate. Did you hear that? And this is a practical solution because if I'm

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going to tell you right now you guys are doing for good because you know you met in the nightclub brother You can make terrible for the fact that you are in the nightclub and sister You can make Toba for that as well. Allah will forgive you turn your life but if you have not asked for forgiveness, you just sowed the seeds and you watering the seeds of evil that's what's happening. You plow it out and and inshallah planted properly. How do you plan without engaging Tomasi Allah, the way we got married was wrong. Forgive us for what we've done. And let's start here in your obedience Allah

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Panama's Allah opened our doors let me go back back to the time of Adam alayhis Salatu was Salam he was alone he was one he was lonely he made a dua he asks Allah to take his loneliness away and suddenly when he got up this is according to even Kathie Lee has made mention of the sooner we die on the higher and he says when he got up he noticed someone looking similar to him but slightly different. similar meaning the same species and he asks a question Lima Huneck Who are you Firstly, she says I am have

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an interesting name. However it means someone created from something living and Adam is someone created from soil. Soil is dead as you know. So this is why women tend to speak a bit more than men you know alive

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from something living

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and men created from something did but believe me.

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Really, it's the soil. Anyway, that was on a lighter note what we need to get to understand this today. Sometimes it's the other way around. You find the man nagging. Clearly I didn't know this and I wouldn't have believed it. Had we not been involved in trying to resolve people's matters and he's nagging every day. You didn't do this. You did that Father, relax, take it easy. And water we heard about moments ago needs to be in your mouth run.

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So Adam alayhis salam was given how Why is salatu salam as a gift as a gift really. And there is one point I want to raise about that before we move on to more points. They were together they were he she says the escuela LA I was created in order to give you confidence. So this is the main aim of husband and wife and marriage is supposed to be to achieve comfort, comfort and love between one another. Allah says in the Quran woman I

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in Effie daddy gala,

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from amongst the signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala is that he has created for you from amongst you, that your spouse in order that you may achieve comfort from her and he has placed love and he has created placed that the comfort and love between the two of you and these are Signs for those who ponder, may Allah subhanho wa Taala make us understand. So the two of them were very happy they were living Mashallah in the place that Allah had chosen for them, until one day the devil came along and this is a powerful point if you just lend me your ears for a few moments, devil comes along and he says Do you know if you eat from this what is forbidden? The reason why it's forbidden is because

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you will live forever You will have Kingdom or you know that which does not deplete and so on how do Luca Allah de la moonkin liable and Should I show you liable ah Should I show you to you know this three way if you eat from it, you will definitely be from amongst those

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who will live forever, you know, because he was already told you are going to live for 1000 years. So you will live for longer than that. And at the same time you will have kingdom that does not deplete you will own that which does not deplete. And so shavon came to try and divert it. There is a debate if you look at the people of the book, they debate who was first was it one or was it Adam? In Islam? The truth is although in the past we have read the is what is known as the Israel led wired the narrations of the People of the Book which say that the woman was to blame. The in Islam, Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks of both of them together. So I can I mean, they both ate from it.

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Allah didn't say he ate and she followed or she ate and he followed know, they both ate, which means let's not play the blame game. There is a problem don't play the blame game. What was the result? Let's look at it. When they disobeyed Allah. Something made him disobey shaytan tried and neither one of them helped the other to abstain. That is the point I'm raising. When we live with one another. It's our duty as husband and wife to remind the other of the duty unto Allah so that we can be protected from shape Are we going to make the same mistakes again, and this this this story is not in the Quran for no reason. It's there for a reason what is the reason so that I can learn if I

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am not going to guide my spouse and keep on reminding her to read her Salah link with Allah to dress appropriately to stop harassing and so on whether she gets irritated or not. I might suffer a great loss the same way my forefather who was other many salon suffered when neither of the two reminded him that Wasn't this the tree that Allah

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But to do eating from and they both ate. So one of the disasters was the spouses did not remind one another for whatever reason Allah new and Allah intended something from it, so we don't hold it against them. But at the same time, we have a lesson to learn from it. And the same applies my brother if your wife keeps on reminding your Salah and your dress code and not to engage in haram and not to flirt and not to be on your phone, and not to. I've been speaking about it every other day because I found out something very recently about pornography.

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A lot of good people. Sometimes we have so many good habits spoil it by being hooked onto calligraphy because it's easy access. But on the one law, he does you no good. Well, it is worse than having eaten from the tree. It is something totally prohibited. Like when Allah subhanho wa Taala was transgressed by those by other many Solomon Hawa. And that was even for reasons known to Allah, he wanted something, he wanted something out of the whole thing. But when that happened, they suffered a loss in that they were removed from the goodness they were in and thrown into the dunya thrown into the world, what would happen to us we would also be removed sometimes from some of the

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mercy of Allah that we might be enjoying as a result of our sin. So believe me, if your spouse reminds you of not doing bad not engaging in bad habits, not doing this and then be happy, thank Allah, that is part of your marriage. Be happy if your husband or your wife continues telling you how to dress and how you should have your link with allies, be careful of this company and that company? And you know, watch out of what you are doing what law here it is something that is good. What time do you come home? My brother? Why do you come home every day? If your spouse is telling you please try and come home early. Don't say you're nagging? No, she's not nagging. She's being

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About many homes, the neighbor is excited because the other guy hasn't come home early. It has what time you coming back 10 o'clock. Tonight.

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You don't even know when I say

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protect us. And I hope we are as innocent as we made it out to be

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handed over to Alexander's goodness, why should we facilitate for the neighbor by coming late? And I'm saying neighbor, because obviously we're talking of you know, just an example.

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You're supposed to be there. I had I had a message that someone sent me which was very, very strong. I think it was last month sometime. And I really thought of it because initially when I read it, I said no, this is something you know, people, people forward you anything and everything, believe me. Sometimes a forward doesn't make sense at all, and people forwarded to you and they're excited about it. But sometimes it makes some sense and it's tailor made for you. So he says if you don't tell your spouse I love you, someone else is saying it to them or

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if you don't care someone else's kid, if you if you just make a dream, someone's fulfilling the dreams love.

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So this is what we need to be worried about. That might not be true. It's just a message. But think about it.

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There is a person that you got married to, you are supposed to be making them feel like the world is this. And if you're not doing it, you're wasting their life, believe me, their life is being wasted. This is why I say so how to love. You need to make sure that you work on your marriage. You work on your marriage.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless. So we learned a lesson from what happened to Adam and Eve salatu salam, when they came into the dunya thereafter, it is a reporter It is reported that so Pamela they did not have any difficulty worshiping Allah Subhana Allah to Allah the way Allah had prescribed upon them, their own Sherry and whatever Allah had sent down to them, and the two were very supportive of one another because why, why they already know shavon came to us once we we suffered the loss. Now we don't want to do that we will be living in the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala with us. Shaytan comes once, twice, three times, four times 10 times, we fall in the trap, and

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sometimes we don't even have any intention to tell. And the wife is suffering because poor husband is busy cheating on her. And this brings us to this point, if you're cheating on your spouse, you are cheating on Allah. Because we're learning what is the 10 cheating. When you are involved in Haram, you know what happens?

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A typical scenario is a guy is caught on his phone or anywhere else. You know what someone who is not supposed to be with me and he says, You know what? I'm a Muslim. I can get as my wife. That's a typical answer. I can engage in I can, you know, polygamous marriage and so on. I don't know what went wrong here though.

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They don't like the topic of polygamy.

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we swapped with that one if you want. If it's not okay, so I'm okay. I don't have that fright tonight. We will stop.

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You let me know.

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Can we speak about polygamy?

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So he will say that you know what, I I can marry her so you keep quiet. It's got nothing to do with you, brother. Relax. You're not yet married to her and

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I don't think you have the guts to so what you're doing here is just cheating and you're using Islam to actually justify your infidelity and your adultery What is this? How can you use Islam that spouse who keeps on reminding you hey watch out one lady she's a blessing Why do you keep on using Islam and saying I can I can What can you you can you can do what you can fly a plane, you first need to be a pilot.

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So why I say this is if you cheating on your spouse cheating? Well, are you cheating on Allah in the sense that Allah and Allah we cannot hide from him? So why do that you cannot be a good Muslim if you're cheating. You know, this is why one law he the sweetness of lowering your gaze is not tasted until you lower it for a whole year. I think, you know, when you lower it thoroughly, properly, and you make sure you lower it every time you say Allah, I'm doing this, this is a payment for my paradise, Yama. I'm looking down for your sake, you start tasting a sweetness when you taste that sweetness. Oh, it's it's your second nature to just look down. So Pamela, no matter how irritated

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some people get, because some women what happens to them, they dress to kill

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a dress.

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And so they walk with a sound that is there to look for you to look at that dress so that you die What dies in you, when they say dress to kill, your happiness is gone. Because you were supposed to look down and you didn't know you gave okay. And you carried on looking and you kept on looking and then you started seeing but it back home, I don't have this.

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It's a reality. So what happened, you have something much more sacred. You have something much more sacred. You have the mother of your children, you have a person who's dedicated, she's cooked, they're waiting for you, she's probably cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. And here you are sitting at home I don't have this.

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Look at how bad it is. It started with a little gates and what you followed it up. So when you look down your content, I give glad tidings to those really, who want to taste contentment. And they have said, well, like what I've got at home is far better to Panama.

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You know, it's just that we have nothing against China or I could have given you an example of Chinese products. Sometimes they shine the minute you buy it, you know, I I you might have heard me giving you the example of the wedding. Okay, let me say the shall

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I say there was a man. And obviously, this is an example in order for us to learn a lesson but not everything that glitters is actually gold. There was a man who was very stingy and he had a wedding in his home. So he decided, Okay, let me start. I've got to start spending money, you know. And so he bought from the corner of the street, a box of fence, you know, those Chinese fans, they open them up like this. There's a fan. So he says, What's the price here? So the young man says one beat one beat, okay, take the whole box. So he took the whole box and he went home. So he had 400 of them. The wife says, Wow, what's this? No, we're gonna have gifts. Each one can have one of these.

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So she says, All right, and he went back to it. So she decided, let me open it and see what it's all about. She opens when she tries it. And as she did this, he broke it down. So she picked up the next one, as she did that broke, put it down. And then she says, Now this thing needs to be returned. Because this is not you know, it looks so so nice. So smart. But it's breaking every time I'm trying to have them broken. I don't want so the husband comes back, you know what these things are breaking. So husband takes one. That's the third one broken. It takes another one it broke fourth one broken, or now What happened? He says Don't worry, took the box. He went back to the corner. He

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tells the guy Hey, I bought this box from you. And this is what's happening is how much do you pay for this? He says one. He says okay, there's the one for 10 p maybe that's the one you want. He said What do you mean? He says you bought it for one p you didn't read the instructions? What's the instruction? He says okay, let me show it to you. Okay, opening so he opens the thing, put it in front of your face. Now move your face.

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If you want to pay one fee, that's the type of thing you get.

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It really glitters. If you have married someone with the name of Allah and whatever you went through, you've taken her sacred the she will help you and she will be with you and He will it will not just break like that. But if you want to go for that which glitches your head will move from left to right, and you still won't get the wind of the fact.

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This is a point I've raised.

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There we are Marcia.

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I'll be building the wall or

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you can swap it chip with that one.

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So give me Give it to me my handshake. I don't know just take anything out and

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I'll be back in a few moments

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at the same

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Don't just take it.

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Is it working?

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Okay, there we are. I hope that's better. Don't worry.

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This is what happens sometimes may Allah Subhana Allah goddess goodness and accepted from us. So, we were saying that sometimes when a person does not realize and understand the gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala upon them, they use it. In order to understand that this is a gift of Allah, you need to have a link with Allah, you will never understand the value of your spouse unless you have a link with Allah. When you have a link with Allah, you begin to realize that love is connected to the sacrifice this person is making for me, you know, your husband goes out he works, he brings back money, he you, you have so much to live with your clothes and so on. And what else nowadays,

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especially in a country like this more than one person is working in from, you know, in order to try and make ends meet and so on. And we wouldn't like to lose focus on the fact that there are people who are making so much effort so that our life can be comfortable. We have children, we have people who will look after our children, how can we be diverted by the devil, the same shavon coming to us and telling us you know what, she is better and that one is better and he is better and these people are not connected to you. They have not even got that Halla link with you and at the same time you have no clue besides what they look like and maybe their voice and maybe a few words that they may

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have uttered and nowadays not even that just a few SMS as they may have sent you and everything is over. So Pamela and our managers are broken, our children are lost, everything is completely you know over. This is the way things are happening in some homes May Allah subhanahu Allah grant us the ability to understand and recognize and realize the value of our spouse For indeed the spouse the value of a spouse is such that if you realize it and work upon that level, you will be able to help generations to remain as the oma

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you know your life your marriage is not just for yourself. It is collectively as part and parcel of the oma

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there's a way to do that. For me, Mama, Himiko Mama, Mama, Mama, I'd like you to make get married to those who are loving and childbearing. I would like to be through you that nubby who has the maximum number or the most number of followers. So what's the point of marrying someone and having children in a way that they are very distant from each other, we need to try guidance is in the hands of Allah. But the trial is in your hands, the trial is in my hands, the rest is in the hands of Allah we haven't even tried. So brothers and sisters, we need to know from the beginning your choice of a spouse we've already heard a few words about it. But remember, your choice of a spouse will make you

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or break you.

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Your choice of a spouse determines the rest of your life. That's what it does. Your choice of a spouse will actually also play a very big role in the type of children you will be having. It's not a condition but it will play a big role. So make sure you've made the right decisions. And I'm sure we've heard quite a bit about this just before I spoke Allah subhanho wa Taala dantas goodness and here we go again.

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I'd like to

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Habibi, this is not a question and answer session. But what I can tell you is that the microphone has given you the benefit of it and you know, it's difficult to say no. So inshallah we will say, a brother is saying those who have daughters and not sons, I can quickly make mention of this, that whatever Allah has blessed you with, you need to be happy. You need to be happy with it, and it's a clear vision of the life

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while happening

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No matter

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it is Allah subhanho wa Taala he creates what he wants some, he only gives females some he only gives males some he gives them both male and female. And some, he gives them nothing, no children, that's Allah His plan. When you have daughters, they are your means of entry into paradise. When you have sons, they are your means of entry into paradise. When you have both daughters and sons, they are your means of entry into paradise, if you work with them, when you have none, and you have surrendered to the decree of Allah, they are your means of entry into paradise. Well, that situation is the means of entry into paradise by you accepting what Allah has chosen for you. So each one of

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us, Allah is in charge, Allah is in control, Allah knows what he will do. And he knows why he is doing what he is doing. So we need to be happy with that at the same time. We have a difficulty where sometimes culture overtakes religion, when it is not supposed to be the case. So culture makes you think that you know, I've got a door to let me sit home. And let me wait for proposals. I always say let me look at the ceiling and see when it's packing so that a proposal might drop from the ceiling. It doesn't happen that way. Who knows about your daughter's you need to get up you go to the masjid, don't you you see so many people don't you, you need to trust a few people to say I've

00:31:14--> 00:31:17

got a daughter. And I'd really like you to you know,

00:31:18--> 00:31:54

to see what how best we can get her married, you need to have the concern. I've got a sister, for example, I've got a relative and so on, oh, you see a young lad and you notice him reading Salah with you every day, you might have a chat with him, you know him more, you need to open your mouth, you need to ask him who his folks are, you need to ask him who his family is, and so on. And if you feel it is okay, you need to allow them to get married to handle that or facilitate for them. So don't think just because culture has the clutches on you that I need to sit and wait. And you know, men must come only to present to the girls. Because tomorrow when her marriage breaks, I don't want

00:31:54--> 00:32:31

them to say, you know, you gave the daughter but I want them to say we came to pay for her that stupidity. I've sat with people and they've told me the reason we do this is for this, if that is the case will lie it is foolishness. Complete foolishness. People sometimes don't understand another very important point. We spoke a few moments ago, I'm sure you heard about the issue of gays and so on that was being raised. Now we're living in trying times, I'm sure you know that I've made where he very carefully because you know, we wouldn't like to trample on people's feet. But at the same time, what I want you to know is when your child comes to you.

00:32:33--> 00:32:34

Point number one

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and wants to marry someone, if it is a person of the opposite sex sale hamdulillah

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I'm not joking, we have come across cases where it is not. And then there is a disaster. So if your child comes to you, and they want to marry a person of the opposite sex and hamdulillah if they want to marry someone who is prepared to become a Muslim, say Alhamdulillah if they want to marry someone who is already a Muslim, Saint moon, Allahu Allah, that is even more of it. And if they want to marry someone whom you are so happy and proud of their choice, then you need to thank Allah subhanho wa Taala. So so what we're saying is, each one of us has a dream, I have children, we have dreams for our children, we'd like them to marry people of a certain category, which means who can help

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them with their Deen and understand and bring up their children, so on and so forth.

00:33:28--> 00:34:08

But as time passes, who knows that we might have to be adjusted, we may adjust the dream, you know, the small adjustments are easier to accept them the big ones, sometimes we do our children because we just locked in their marriages for no Islamic reason. And we live in a country where it's quite difficult. We know of some people they have promised each other will never marry anyone besides each other. So now they're 3035 40. And father's wondering what the hell is going on here. But you're not so close to your son. So you don't know you're not close to your daughter. So you don't know. And it brings us to another point. When we want to live in marital bliss, the children we have given up a

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good link with them, talk to them, you know, you don't have to scream and yell at them every time I talk to them help them be their friend and their parent at the same time. There's a difference between an open friend because obviously you're a father, you're a mother You have to have some form of a line but at the same time, you need to be close enough for them to relate to you as to their inclination so you can guide them. But if you have you know a cat and mouse relation as the mouse is gone, if that's the case, what am I you will not be able to get anywhere. We won't be able to we are living the reality we are not living a dream. Things are happening around us which are not as per

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our liking, they are no longer so we have to do what is known as a good you have to try and make the best of the situation you are in and we ask Allah subhana wa Taala to bless us all. So that is also a duty. We help our children. We guide them, we talk to them, we know them and we are

00:35:00--> 00:35:33

Understand what they are saying, I know of one father, he asked his son, son, would you like to get married? He says, Yes. He says, Well, look, there are two things I've got in mind. One is this. And one is that two days later son comes back and says, I'm not interested in getting married anymore. That means you've got someone in mind, as simple as that straight. So why don't you tell us and we might facilitate it for you. So the sun came up would be, you know, with whatever he had, and voila, his solution, meaning I would like to salute that father, and he actually got everything done and facilitated, although it was not to his liking. He said, Son, I'm not so excited about your choice,

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but the choice is yours. So if you've made the choice muslimeen, or someone ready to accept Islam, we you know, it is second best best would be if you were to be within our own thinking as a father, second best, perhaps to a father, but islamically, who knows that reverse system might be far better than a one dozen of people who are born Muslim. We have seen it with our own eyes. We have seen people who have reverted to Islam later on in their 20s and 30s. When they have they have known what the darkness is all about. So sometimes it's a point of Mercy of Allah, they come into the light and they are stronger than me and you they wouldn't miss it that you

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and we'll ask you to slowly we'd be lucky we got our virgin.

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People who were born Muslim don't realize the value of Salah others who spent the night in nightclubs before today, they will say we need to recompense by spending the night in the worship of Allah. It's happening. So do not underestimate sometimes it happens for a reason. People will revert you know people say no, I'm not happy. You know, what am I going to do facing my my people so facing your community comes before helping your child solve the problem? Is that what it is? Are you worried about your face in the community, you're not worried about the sin that you're allowing to continue because you cannot take people up in this free world today, your child will have to leave

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the home for something we need to make sure we aren't we we realize we are answerable to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, may Allah protect us and May He grant us goodness may open our doors. So this is part and parcel of the decision of nature of getting married and how important it is to choose how important it is to facilitate for the child. and thereafter when we do get married. Remember, you need to build your marriage on trust. Number one, you need to trust one another for the sake of Allah. And trust is developed when you have a link with your maker, you have a link with your maker, this is when trust will be developed. When you do not have a liquid your maker you you

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don't even trust yourself, how do you think you are going to be able to develop the trust within your own spouse. And when we say this, you don't need to go prying in the life of your spouse, especially when things are okay, things are moving Well, you don't need to go prime. Each one might have a small weakness between them and Allah, which is a lot of the times of faith, they come out of it very quickly. But when you start crying, when everything is normal, you might create a mountain out of a molehill because every single person shaytan comes to them myself and yourselves. So sometimes you might have one or two things you might have done. You're not too proud about you don't

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want your spouse to know. Yes, Allah knows and you've made Toba and you've come out of it. Now your spouse finds out two weeks later A month later, if your spouse makes a disaster, it's now creating something bigger. You don't realize this person's already engaged in Toba. Their slate is clean. And so on the time you may want to know what's going on is when your rights are being usurped. Now, you know, this is my rights is being you said, This man never comes this woman doesn't talk to this woman. This is happening now. What's happening? Is there something going on? If there is please let me know.

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So we are not we as Muslims, we do not teach our fellow brothers and sisters to go and pry into the phones and that you know the systems and the accounts of your spouse for no reason. No, it's not your life. It's their life. Believe me, you didn't like someone spying on you don't spy on them, especially when they are fulfilling your rights. But at the same time, if your rights are not being fulfilled, you might

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I see some people want to want to pry their phones.

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Every time the microphone goes down. I think to myself, someone's kissing me.

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Allah safeguard us. So what happens is sometimes a person becomes so secretive with their mobile phone and so on that they give it away that I'm doing something wrong. In that case, you have given a reason for someone to doubt this is now where you are now at fault. Why do you give reason for someone to doubt you? You should have things open and okay. Brothers, are you prepared to give your phones to the brother next year and say go through Never have I don't think any one of us sitting here with all my brothers already given

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up I see quite a few of them. So maybe I can swallow back what I said but the point being raised is so many people have it such that one line they've got so much food from their phones. They would be amazed.

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embarrassed for some human being to see the phone? What type of link do we have? Where is it? What's happening? What type of a marriage Do you want to have? Man Allah subhanho wa Taala make us such that we can cut out that we just held on from our mobile phones because today, the mobile phone really, it says a lot about you and your life. If you really want to know someone tell me a formula. He can throw it to you straight and say this is my go to I don't even have a code. You need to tell yourself my

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brother, don't be fooled. He's got the other phone.

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This is what happens. Allah subhanho wa Taala safeguards Allah Subhana Allah protect us. You know, people are good chicken is bad. So let's help one another inshallah, in the obedience of Allah, learn to trust yourself. Trust your spouse, and don't give reason to others not to trust you. As we said. Point number two we need to spend maximum time with our spouses and our children maximum time at home. The Hadith speaks about a Naja Naja meaning Savior, what is it that will result in your Savior, the prophets Allah sentences you will be saved with the qualities

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unluckily, Sonic control your tongue and controlling your tongue would actually filter through to what you type in what you say it's all part of your tongue. If you've actually sent a message, don't think for a moment that I can swear because it's not my tongue. In Nigerian and dishonor Alan for it that even the tongue is actually evidence as to what your heart holds. So that's what the tongue is for. The same applies to an SMS or a message. It is evidence as to what your heart holds. So you will be responsible just as you are for your tongue for the use of your mobile phone, and the use of anything else. So be careful. The Hadith says Firstly, control your tongue. Secondly, cry over your

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sin when you've committed a sin weep over it. cry over regret over your sin. That's that's how you will be successful. When you regret over your sin and you promise not to do it again, you will be successful. And thirdly, find your home spacious. What does that mean?

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That means spend maximum time at home you need to go out you either going to work, you might want to socialize within specific limits, or you want to go inshallah, you know, for the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala you're going somewhere, perhaps must cheat perhaps to meet someone you know, for purposes of being and so on. inshallah.

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But besides that you find yourself at home, you know, you might want to go to study you might go here they your timetable, is this your free time, spare time, come home, take your spouse along, perhaps your children, spend time with them, talk to them. And that will really go a long way in boosting your marriage. You know, we have a tip list and marriages don't work, you ask a few questions, and you can tick it off. And you see time is one of the biggest breakers of marriages, because we don't spend it.

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Now once we trust one another, we need to know Subhanallah the expressions you have on your face and the statements you make from your mouth go a long way in a happy home.

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So if you come home, and you find For example, I give you a little example of a man if a man comes home, and he sees his wife every day, you know, looking very sad and she's upset and to Allah, he's just a matter of time before that marriage will be on the rocks. Believe me. Why? Because he comes back home and she's frowning. She's if you need to say What's wrong? Are you sick? Are you not? Well? Is your health not okay? Is this something wrong? Did I do something or say something? The poor guy will be begging you on his knees. Please tell me what's wrong for one night, two nights that night. He said you know what I'm spending it outside. We don't do that. If you want to have

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what we call a poker face, some kind of luck. Which means a really a face that is scratched up and so on. You need to explain why it is the case. If it is an act of charity to smile at the face of your fellow Muslim, then to smile at the face of your own spouse is an even bigger act of wish. So Panama Have you thought of that? If it's a charity for me to smile at you now what about my wife? I need to show her even my false deep love for

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Allah subhanho wa Taala God does goodness. Sometimes this Shakedown comes in overtake us. As soon as we leave the home we

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see anyone with smiling, go back into the house we found what is this? Your expressions are? Do you know that? To add to give this warm within your home is utter words of goodness is a sadhaka. Allah is a good word is an act of charity. The prophet SAW Selim says this a good word to utter it is an act of charity. So speak properly.

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So have a love when we are outside and we see people making a mistake. We correct them so well. We correct them so well. But come home, we get upset. We made one mistake and I'm angry. I'm uptight. Why is that the case?

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So we need to make sure that inshallah when we are correcting our spouses back at home, or our children back at home, because Take it easy relax yesterday in London.

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I mentioned the point that some of the brothers told me later on, this is a very interesting point. We didn't think of it this way. I said, Brother, you turn to Allah at the age of 2530, whatever it took you 2030 years to turn to Allah. Why do you give people three minutes to turn to Allah? And they these people are like this and like that, and you haven't yet even tried. You took 20 years and you tell slowly, Mashallah, now that you struggle on the deed, everyone else is gone. And you're not even giving them more than three minutes yet you took 30 years. This is something we need to learn. Because in your house, when you get Hidayat and you start reading your Salah, after there was no

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Salah in that home, Mashallah, it's very good. But remember, just like you took your time, the shape, the same torch that looked for you to see the path lighting for them, lighting for them, show them nicely, show them your character has improved, your conduct has improved, everything has improved. I can give you stories of reverts who turned to Islam with their families dead against them. Some of them say within the space of one year the family is accepted as completely and totally because we showed them the beauty of Islam. They saw that we no longer on drugs, we no longer in the clubs, we no longer gambling, we no longer dressing inappropriately, we come home with a smile, we

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bring flowers and net for our parents and we do this and do that we still listen to them and they say, wow, this is the best of my children. This is the deal. This is Islam. So Islam will take you very very far. If you are ready to adopt it.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala has kept for us the deen and this Deen Allah has kept in it the solutions of everything. And one of the most important things is getting together in the car. And this is why Allah subhana wa Jalla has kept it such that it is known as a sacred union. It's not, you know, something that you just get together, like what's happening on the globe. Now, when you want to break off, you can have someone else you know, you go today and they know that's not how it is. It's something sacred. It's a union that Allah has blessed us with. We say the name of Allah, we've taken them with the name of Allah. May Allah subhana wa Tada, boundless goodness and open our doors.

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Really, the issue of marriage is something that is, as I started, I said, it's a hot topic when one is a hot topic. And it is so hot that even married people, sometimes To be honest, they may have lived for so many years as a couple. But they still don't know what marriage is all about. They don't know. They think that you know, it's a perpetual honeymoon when you just sit back, relax, you know, you can be even laser on No, marriage is full of sacrifice. Remember that taking home with you. Maybe the sacrifice, your happiness in marriage depends on how much you're ready to sacrifice for Allah and for your family.

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If you're ready to sacrifice, manageable work, if you're not believe me cannot work. Nobody is interested in a person who's not ready to sacrifice for them.

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You know, we have disasters of people, sometimes they say, I was talking to a friend of mine. And we were discussing this matter. They say, you know, we met We met at the university. And so we ended up getting married. And this guy was the ideal guy. But when we got married, six months later, the marriage broke. Now what went wrong? I can tell you what went wrong. You met in an environment that was common to both of you. But you had two totally different understandings, totally different upbringings. There was no compatibility. But because you were in an environment where perhaps there was something in common your studies were in common and the venue the place. So you perhaps went to

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the canteen together, you eat together, you came back together, you're studying together, and so on the day you went to his house, or he went to yours to live was when you realized, whoa, this is a totally different person, this person because now the environment is in reality, it's no longer a varsity environment. The environment is now no longer something that we have in common because of studies. So there's nothing left in common, nothing at all. The whole system of operation is different in his home, compared to yours. So now the thing doesn't work. So when I was speaking to the brother, he says he I married someone from varsity, and my marriage is working. Well. I said you

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are one of the lucky ones.

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one of the lucky ones. So you could be lucky without saying no. And we're not saying yes, there is no specific item to say you take this off, you're going to be happy in marriage. The only thing we can do is to tell you these are the guidelines of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, you ready to follow them there is a greatest chance of you succeeded if you do genuinely and if your spouse has a similar concern. Sometimes you get married, you've got everything in line to Allah. So you know she is pious. She is this she is that she might be good.

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Looking at your mind's eye and this and that and Marcela is overriding the characters. Great. What about you?

00:50:06--> 00:50:09

What about you? So I want to end up with one thing

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00:50:59--> 00:51:02

The last segment I want to say my brothers and sisters is

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you are looking for a spouse of a certain standard. Is that standard of a spouse looking for someone like you? That's the question. Have you heard that? You are looking for a spouse of a certain standard? Is that standard of a spouse looking for someone like you? That's the ultimate question you need to answer yourself and then inshallah you live by Allah subhanho wa Taala opened our doors, may Allah subhanho wa Taala goddess goodness the brother with the sun, we really appreciate it.

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reason these, I think perhaps because we have quite a few someone may have set on one of the wires and so on. So

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we will look for you and excuse

00:51:45--> 00:51:45


00:51:46--> 00:52:06

imagine if we can look for an excuse for this brother because honestly I'm thinking it's such a good sound system. Alhamdulillah and there are a lot of us people might be sitting on the wire or two that may be making it make a sound, we can look for an excuse for him. Brothers and sisters go back home and look for 10s of excuses for your spouse's and each other. You have a happy home. happy marriage.

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I need to get

00:52:19--> 00:52:21

nothing, nothing to ship