The Beneficial Means To A Happy Life 07

Moutasem al-Hameedy


Channel: Moutasem al-Hameedy


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Episode Notes

Shiekh Moutaseem discuss the book of Sheikh Abd Ar-Rahman ibn Nasir as-Sa’di in this series. Presented at the Abu Huraira Center.

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And we'll hamdulillah in the middle who want to stay in or want to stop

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him in short all the unforeseen hours he had Melina you had to Hillel philomel de la la, la de la

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la la la, la la la sharika shadow number from Madonna Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sahbihi wa sallam bobette

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This is the explanation of the book. It was a movie that it hayati CEDA, the beneficial means to happy life or a tranquil life by shake hands, man, Sadie Lima hola hutan. And he said that shift. Anasazi wrote this book, after he read Dale Carnegie's book, stop worrying and start living which was a best seller in the 1940s 1950s. So when she comes off man is Sadie who's the teacher of Sheffield north. I mean, when he read that book, he'd read the translation of it in Arabic.

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He loved the book and he praised it, and he recommended it.

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And then afterwards, he wrote a small booklet or a small treaties, on the subject from an Islamic perspective. And anyone who has read both books, he can see the influence, you can see the influence you can see even the the use of the words that has been obviously,

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you know, can be easily traced back to the Arabic translation of Dale Carnegie's book. Now there's a beautiful

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lesson that we can learn here from because that's an example of a contemporary scholar and how he dealt with contributions of non Muslims in the field of you want to call it self help self development, psychology, practical psychology, anything So that's an example from are very well versed scholar, very learned scholar respected his at this time, he was among the top of the scholars of the Muslim ummah.

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so the way he dealt with the contributions of non Muslims that are based on experience, proper experience, that are based on maybe experimentation and scientific method,

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basically his approach was to accept that and learn from it. And he tried to give a Muslim perspective on this, a Muslim perspective on this, because any writer who's going to write about a subject, they will always carry their baggage and show it within what they write, it's, it's their outlook on life, it's their beliefs, their approach to life, will be reflected in their choice of words, their approach to the subject, the solutions that they present, and so on and so forth. So this is an an insight for Muslims of today as to how we should handle you know, issues specifically that pertain to self help and self development and psychology and all of this, how can we relate to

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that? We can relate to this if it's based on proper principles of science and experimentation, and it doesn't show or carry within a bias or some unsound philosophical, you know, premises, then, as long as we can find benefit there that's in line with our religion, or that's an open benefit and that's what the scholars have

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called lm AP acid, or al Masada, Mo Salah al masala and Marsala Marsala masala.

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are things that are beneficial openly and open sense.

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So anything that is beneficial in this world is helpful and is actually part and parcel of Islam. Anything computers, are they part of Islam? Well by extension Yes. Are they beneficial? Are they helpful in that sense they are Masonic who Masada. So they are provided for underground The sooner as Coleman had Rama Zenith Allah He lithia Haji labored he would

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say to them, who made her arm who made her amo unlawful or prohibited

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the Zina of Allah, any beautification. Xena is something that brings beautification and also brings benefit in this life. What play backgammon is, and the good things from provision whatever Allah provides for you, so anything that is beneficial by default, by default, it it goes under the umbrella of Islam,

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it goes into the umbrella of Islam. So

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the problem is that some people have an approach or these are the mind works of non Muslims. So it's haram for us we have the Quran, the Quran is sufficient for us. This statement has contradiction within itself. Because the way the Quran is sufficient, the way the Quran is sufficient is by these open principles like a masala masala, whatever is beneficial, whatever is beneficial and logical and good and doesn't bring about harm, then automatically you can use it as a Muslim, and it becomes part of your toolkit in practicing your Islam and we get the car we drive to the mustard. Why no one says you know cars is how long because the car is masala masala, something humans invented you can

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use it for transport, it makes it easy for you to come to the masjid. So by that means, it becomes part of our religion, parts of our practice of religion, these are neutral means how you use them is going to decide their value. So, we so we see an example from a contemporary scholar who has dealt with something like this. So this shows us that people who take these principles and advancements and

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anything that is beneficial, has been produced by non Muslims.

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Anyone who says Well, that's a that's we're not supposed to take this as Muslims we have the Quran is sufficient for us. This approach is faulty, is faulty. In Islam, the prophet SAW Selim himself used whatever advice came to him, even if it the source of it was non Muslim brains. Like we know the Battle of the trench digging a trench around Medina was a Persian idea was a Persian,

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you know, tactic in war. The President took it from

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Selma from Sylvia Lau and so the person didn't say, Oh, that's the brainworks of of non Muslims. I don't know we have let's find a loophole. And maybe there's a word that tells us how to handle handle the situation. This is insanity. This is abuse of the Koran. This is disrespect for the Quran, because we said the Koran makes it clear that anything of mutual nature that has that is beneficial, and it doesn't go against the principles of Islam, then it's an asset for you. It's a provision from a lot you should use it, wherever it came from. That's none of your business. That's none of our business. Otherwise we go into or we get into what we call a Lulu woofie deem extremism

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and religion, extremism and region This is why Unfortunately, some Muslim households, wherever you know everything there is haram, haram haram haram haram Haram. Why is it because for them, they are having a very narrow minded approach. They think anything new is haram. Anything they don't know is how long and you can because it comes from here is how long now Muslims with technology and things that are tangible. Usually they have we've got over this on that piece of technology you can use it. But if it's intangible if it's a piece of advice, if it's a work ethic on that's from the Kufa that's from the non Muslims.

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This is completely a faulty or faulty approach and it goes against the principles that are against the very principles of the Quran.

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Let's start with a new chapter we are reaching to the end of the book. So as usual, I'll read Arabic And then I'll explain and Sharla translate and explain. So he says, We're calling Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam la mina mina 10. In Cary Hamming Ha,

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ha, ha, Attorney alma mater, he says in the statement of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he says, Let a believing male or a man not hate a believing woman in the sense that a husband not hate his wife, in carry him in her home who can probably I mean, if he hates something about how she behaves or something

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personal traits, something about her. If he looks he's going to find something else that he would like. So he says there are two benefits, they're great benefits, their humor and a shadow era morality. zojirushi Well, cardi B was sahibi. Well, mill wakulla lumen beynac kobina who Allah cotton what you saw when somebody and talk when an F sec Allah, Allah Buddha Nicola de boon, own absolute moron Takara who says the first benefit is that it's a guidance and advice that when you treat a spouse, or a relative, or a friend, or a co worker, or a cook or a person that you work with,

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and anyone with whom you have some kind of human interaction that you have to expect and be ready that this person is not perfect. We have a fault in them in them, they have shortcomings, they have mistakes, they have unfavorable traits.

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So he says 50 down we'll get to that for car in being a hair there will be an emoji boil a kettle youngberry laka min, Guwahati electricity, we'll call it the bitter the Karima female mahasin Alma Casa de la Sati. Well, and we'll be having, okay, let's stop here. So he says, so if you find this, find a fault in someone that you work with business partner, or a spouse or a child, a son or daughter, a friend, and it could be also an Imam, a teacher.

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If you find something wrong with them, he says so create a comparison. Basically a comparison between the fold that you saw and between

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the benefits of maintaining a good relationship with that person,

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a good relationship with that person. So he says you strike that balance. So you put that fault in perspective by the Kadima, female mahasin Alma Casa del ha Sati will am by focusing and acknowledging what this person has the good traits they have, the good tendencies they have the good things they've done, the good intentions, maybe they have, what kind of a good person they are.

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So he's the Hadeeth here is advising us to strike a balance the process of what I'm saying, if a husband hates something from his wife, some personal trait or some action, let him see the other stuff and balance it out. The good things you're going to find is there's no person that you hate completely everything about them.

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There's no person like this, if you are just what if there are some people consumed with hatred,

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excuse me, that whatever is good about them, you're gonna see it in negative light. But we're not talking about this, we're talking about a normal human being that when they see

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or when you see someone who's got a fault, try to balance this out and not not let this govern or dominate your perception of the person by focusing on something else, oh, this person has done something good here. Or they have very positive trait here, very good thing. Or maybe they mean well, but they went wrong about it, and so on and so forth. So that's what he's saying. Then he says this will help you all we had a little bar, I needed my salad, one molar healthy mahasin to do more soft butter. Well, it is what it is all what the Tim Maura had to water. So luck is and with this kind of overlooking mistakes and faults, and focusing on the positive traits about the person,

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friendship and connection will be maintained. And hardship and tension will be replaced with more ease and comfort among both of them.

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So that's the first benefit of the Hadeeth balancing out the faults with the positive traits about that person which maintains the relationship and family that to Fannie where he has a while on Him He will

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suffer he will move on to LLVM he will whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Whoa, whoa solo hottie Bina profane. The second benefit is that the anxiety and the pain and the stress that comes from being uncomfortable in a in a relationship, all of this is removed. And it will be will be roughly replaced with a beautiful relationship and a kind of relationship where the rights are being observed to observe the rights of that person and they will observe your rights. And he says this brings about more ease among both people.

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So he explains Now, what if we do the opposite if we ignore this Hadith, what is going to happen? He said woman let me establish it behind the lady the Koran maybe you saw Allah when he was a

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fella a volumizer with me and even mahasin Fela Buddha and the

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Buddha Dharma

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seminary muhabba wait a minute Oh Allah to Allah, Allah, Muhammad and Muhammad Ali.

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Her very beautiful statement, he says, the person who neglects and overlooks this advice, this prophetic advice. Basically, he would focus on mistakes and faults of the other person. And that would blind them from seeing what's good about this person. So the whole vision about that person will be contaminated with negativity.

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So he says this will bring about stress and anxiety, and will destroy the relationship and make it a bitter one. And this would reduce the love and maybe consume it completely. And this would lead to both parties not giving each other the rights that allows parents either legislated and this is a very important piece of advice,

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a very important piece of advice. So what we focus on, he's saying here, what you focus on, decide how your relationship will end up with a spouse, with a friend with a co worker. So and this is a general approach with people.

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So going to read now between the lines and see what's the main principle behind it, a general approach in dealing with people focus on the positives about the person.

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If you focus on the negative, this will contaminate your perception of that person, you will only see negative things about them,

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it will pollute your understanding of that person. And you will see everything that comes from them in negative light, even if it's good. And then you will, that's what we call bias, you become biased, you lose your objective understanding or perception of that person, it becomes completely negative, polluted, you can't always everything that person does, you're going to see it in negative light. And that's a poisonous relationship. And it causes you a lot of stress, and it causes the other person a lot of pain as well.

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So general advice with people focus on what is good. And by the way, this works very well with children.

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Now, sometimes we think, Oh, this is something that's easy to talk about, or this, we don't need to discuss these things. Sometimes people want what they call solid knowledge, solid knowledge. But you know, the scholars of the old times they would consider this to be solid knowledge. Because that's knowledge you can implement. That's knowledge that touches your everyday life. And if you really understand it, and implement it, it can change the quality of your life and make it easier for you to worship Allah.

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And it will make your heart peaceful enough to focus on the last controller rather than being consumed with a lot of conflict, and a lot of negativity here and there. And a lot of you know, stress in relationships, and so on and so forth. There are parents who can only see the mistakes of their children,

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there are parents, the only thing they can see is their children's mistakes. When the child does something good, they don't really feel it. They don't feel it.

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And if you sometimes as a parent, step back, you might see yourself guilty of this, it's hard, really to be free from this, in these days, very hard to be free. But it takes a lot of courage to step back and acknowledge that I have this problem. And sometimes it's more so with one child and not the other.

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Sometimes it's more so with one of your children love the other.

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So how can we heal this, where you can heal this by focusing on the good things about them? The good things, they've done something good, appreciate it and feel grateful for it, and recognize it and tell them that was a good thing you did. Thank you for doing that.

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And by the way, this is something that's very well known today in parenting. In child psychology, they, they they have a name for this.

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They they have different names, but they call it positive parenting. Some writers call it

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or is it there's a name for it because that's basically how they train animals. Now they train animals to do tricks as specifically whales. Like if if an animal does a mistake, they ignore it.

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Well, that's basically punishment and reward. That's the Old West Pavlov. That's all by now it's changed. It's changed a lot. So they call it

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positive reinforcement, but they call it whale or something like we're like parenting because that's what they do with whales. They treat the you know, whales are so big. So there was a like the parable there are the similar tude is in intent intended. whales are so big, how do you get them as human beings to get them to do whatever you want is by ignoring the mistakes they do. When you try to teach the metric they're gonna do it wrong. ignore that. Don't punish them. But when they do it, right reward them. And this works with with kids. It works a lot and that's why they there's a rule in paintings where they say what you focus on grows

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More in the child, when you focus on, you're going to get more of it.

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So if some of us are under the impression that in order that I am there to fix my child, everything is wrong about him or her, I'm just on the lookout for a mistake. And if I catch them doing something wrong, well, that's my best day. That's a very good, a very great achievement. Now I'm going to fix them. The problem is that if you notice, the more you try to fix that mistake, the more that child is going to do over

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even behind your back, they can't do it in front of you. Once they get the opportunity, like they grow up enough, where they can have enough freedom and defend themselves.

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They actually are going to do it in front of you.

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So it's very so here he is, he's directing us to focus on the positive side of any relationship and you will transform it, you will transform it. Again, this is also under Quran but indirectly it's been mentioned last month, Allah says in Surah, facilites infallibility, he is no a savior. For either lady, Bina kawabe. You know,

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what do you mean? Allah saying, if someone treats you bad treat them well.

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mean, in order to do this, you have to overlook their bad, you have to you can't do you can't do it any other way. So when they treat you bad, overlook it and extend good for them, you can't extend good towards them, unless you see them worthy of it, so you see something good about them.

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So once you do this last one, that is saying,

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the one with who has hatred against you, now has enmity I doubt. So it's not only hatred is gone into full scale, enmity can actually harm him, he will turn he will end up being very close and intimate friend.

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The last method explains one manual aka illa levina suburu, who gets this, the ones who truly have patience, patience for what patients to resist your desire to pick on mistakes and focus on them.

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Patience to hold yourself back and not respond with evil

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and patience to change and switch your perception to see what's good about that person. And make that the basis of how you treat them. That takes a lot of patience. And when you do it the first time it doesn't work the second time it doesn't work 10th time probably doesn't work. So it takes a lot of patience. But it will end up

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end up in sha Allah. If you trust the loss of metallic and keep stay persistent, and that you will transform that relationship because you will transform that person from inside, because you are focused on the good. And the good side of them. They focus to show the worst. And you insist to show them their best. So they insist or they persist to show the worst to you. But you persist to show them their best, not your best, their best.

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And that's a very powerful approach to human beings. Now there are people are super so poisonous, that this not going to work with them. That's absolutely there.

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But for the most part, people hurt you because they are hurts because they're uncomfortable for most people. For most people, they don't hurt you from a comfortable position. Usually people hurt others when they themselves. Don't feel comfortable.

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That's when most people don't hurt you from a position of luxury. So you see this these are benefits that we can take from a simple Howdy. We usually people take it to the very basic meaning let a husband not hate his wife. If he hates some of her traits or some of her actions, he's going to find others that are pleasing to Him. Pretty simple. Hadeeth right. So people are gonna say okay, husband, you know, if you hate this about her, you're going to love this her about her. And that's it and the Hadith is left without any practicality. But look when you delve into the prophetic words and see what's behind them. This is a way of life behind each Hadeeth there's a lot that you can

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actually take and practice and benefit from.

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He says what I feel mean a nurse that will Himalaya Leah.

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A lot of the people who have high aspirations people have a very high nature very developed souls. You're thinner and Fusarium endo el kawartha well mas Ajax, Allah subhanho wa Taala Nina, these people have trained themselves. They have trained themselves when calamities and hardships take place to hold on to patience and peace state of peace and calm.

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But he says

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we're lacking in the ohmori taffy helva your own way the condotto suffer was similar movie had that and now maternal and foster home and the memorial came out with a Roku handle omorosa rottefella tomotherapy Some people have these developed themselves develop

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themselves in their patients to a high level, it says the train themselves to deal with hardships and calamities. But when trivial, simple, silly things happen, these people,

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they fall into stress.

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And they lose their balance and the focus. And the reason is that these people focused or trained themselves to deal with issues of major scale. And they ignored to develop themselves, even with the everyday knitting the nitty gritty details of everyday life.

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So this ended up harming them and taking away their state of ease. And actually, you might come across someone really think that's a great person, like they do a lot of great work, maybe they do a lot of charity, a lot of social work, and you come to them with a problem, and they know how to handle it, and they help you fix it, and so on and so forth. Get them in a very simple situation, where maybe a child, you know, swears at them. And they lose their balance, and act like crazy or someone, like maybe

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scratches their car,

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they lose the balance, and where's this what that wise person is gone, they start maybe using bad words, swearing the other person, they lose all patience, and they start acting like something contrary to what you know about them. So sometimes we have points of weakness within ourselves blind spots where we have not developed ourselves. And the way you say sometimes you say, Oh, you know, this person pushes my buttons, right? So they do small things, but they really get you out of balance that gets you they get at your nerves. So so he's striking this kind of comparison.

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Saying Phil has the more you want to know left? More locality will Kabira waste a la la la Anatoly how la Akita hula nfca, Palatine Fender dedication, rally history, Casa de la he came here.

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Second call me Mr. Rehan. So he says, a person has is someone who's assertive. Someone have an assertive nature. And assertion is balanced. being assertive is about being balanced. So you have two extremes, which is either being which is either being aggressive,

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aggressive towards people or towards events, or being very passive, very passive. These are two extremes. In the middle, you have assertiveness, you have this kind of assertiveness, assertiveness.

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Your presence doesn't threaten people.

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But you make your needs and your rights very clear. And you stand by them. So you send a very strong communication a strong message that I know my rights, and I'm not stepping back.

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So that's assertiveness. being passive, someone takes advantage of you when you just give me a smile. Yeah, and you do what they want.

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being aggressive,

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you become actually like really like aggressive on the offense that you're offensive to that person. And by the way, the these conditions we Muslims are going through assertiveness is very important for us. Very important. A lot of people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. They say people only respect you if you're aggressive. No.

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Because aggressive when you are aggressive and you feel threatened. So that means you feel the weakness, and you're trying to compensate for that weakness. But you do that, you know, you go overboard with it. So that's why you become aggressive. So for example, someone

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let's say,

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I'm trying to think of such a situation that is very common. When you feel someone, let's say you're in Tim Hortons, you want to get your coffee and someone walks in front of you in the line.

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He takes you turn

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being passive is okay. You say nothing you let the person go. And that sometimes that might be that might be sometimes a wise choice. If it's a very big guy, like, you don't want to get in trouble. Okay, you go into work or you're going to cut you want to catch the salon in the masjid. There's no point now getting into a debate and discussion maybe a fight. Probably if you're most likely you're going to lose it. If you see like a boxer profiled MMA fighter, say

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Be my guest.

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You take the take my spot, no problem. But generally speaking, someone walks in and he takes your

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takes your turn.

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So you could be passive or you could be aggressive. Are you a full

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You're blind, something like this. Now you are aggressive.

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But being assertive, you acknowledge the dignity of that person, so you don't challenge it.

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But you also acknowledge You're right. And you stand by it, say, Excuse me, sir, there's a line and that's my turn, you can go back, you can enjoy the line from the back from the end.

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Usually people respect this. And people who have problems are intimidated by that.

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So you did not violate the rights of the person his dignity for making mistake.

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And you did not overlook and give up your your right you will not compromise. So that's my right, we Muslims, today, we need this, you will find Muslims are either very passive,

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when their rights are violated, when they're overlooked.

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They don't say anything, they don't do anything. And they might even sometimes support it. Or they might sometimes just give me a fake smile.

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Whereas some people are very aggressive.

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Both of them are gonna create negative consequences. But being assertive is that I have my faith, and I'm proud of it.

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And I have the right to practice it.

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And if you have an issue, then you have to fix it you're on. So someone says something bad about Islam. As simple as that if you are stable inside, if you're assertive inside someone says something about about Islam, or how did you know?

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All Muslims? Are this Muslims? Or that? or How did you know? How did? Did you research about this? Did you read about this,

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that will actually disarm the other person. If they're trying to mock you, if you're passive, they will take advantage. If you're aggressive, they will be happy they got at your nerves, and they might be willing to engage in a fight and you will still look bad.

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But if you're they're assertive, you're balanced, someone says something about about Muslims or how did you know about this simple told me she has something let me know

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you actually disarm that person and they will find themselves in a very awkward position. And this kind of assertiveness is very admirable by human by all human beings. When someone stands up for the right without being aggressive, you respect them, you can't help but respect them.

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So these things as to how to handle these these things and how to you know, you know develop these principles. Some people think oh, that's not part of our religion. It is. Islam does teach us about this. And if we look into the example of the prophets of Salaam you would see a lot of this you would see a lot of this the person will stand up for his right stand up for and he would not be aggressive and he will not be passive.

00:32:49--> 00:32:55

So we need to strike that balance. And let's move on to the next section here. He says lol

00:32:56--> 00:32:58

oh sorry haha too sad that Nina

00:33:00--> 00:33:09

didn't fly in but you know and you and your Priscilla Hi Bill hemiola sister Sally man ekdahl for me Nadella caboodle hayata Saha for your.

00:33:11--> 00:33:13

For your she who over

00:33:15--> 00:33:24

I think that's a it's a typo. So mistake for your shoe will be hayati and yet have a Casio minha Ben will whom he will

00:33:26--> 00:33:33

have, he has been badly affected, he says a reasonable wise person, they know that life is short.

00:33:35--> 00:33:36


00:33:37--> 00:34:16

it's worth living in a state of peace and tranquility and happiness. So it's too short. And it's not worth that you spend it or you wasted with stress and anxiety. Or that you shorten it even with stress and anxiety because we know stress and anxiety is long basically to take yours from your life. It's gonna make you age more quickly when it has negative consequences and repercussions for your body and everything within it. And we talked previously about the mind and body connection. She says when it comes to hiatus, it is a completely against the right approach to life. She says

00:34:18--> 00:35:00

a wise man should not offer their life to be consumed by stress and by worries and anxieties. And this applies to a believer and an unbeliever, every human being or human beings. So he says, Well, I can tell him in a minute to help me be heard and was humbled over when NASA NASA alleging what he says but the believer has more advantage when he applies or when she applies this. Why? Because we're not only living for this life, we know there's a next so even when we make good use of this life and we try to live it right. We're not doing this just to have good time here, but to make a very good use

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

Use of it for the sake of getting closer to Allah and making it to the hereafter. He says we embody a bond either a Saba who macaroon a half I mean, who

00:35:09--> 00:35:11

is and when

00:35:12--> 00:35:59

like a calamity hits or some fear there is some fear the person is worried about and you're caught in a bind up yet enamel house, a Latina Houdini, jetten odunayo via webinar masaba hoomin macro. He says when there is something that is upsetting something that's disturbing in your life, he says, usually always compare it to the good things to the blessings that you have. So never see these in isolation, or, you know, don't be consumed by your calamity or predicament. always see it within a wider context. And that's basically what are the other blessings whether they are worldly blessings, money, wealth, children, wife, status, job, etc. Or whether it's a religious, having guidance from

00:35:59--> 00:36:05

Allah subhanaw taala having the revelation to be able to learn it and enjoy it and benefit from it and worship Allah and live for a greater cause.

00:36:06--> 00:36:42

She says for en del mu Karana to the hookah Serato ma Hua v Millenium, masaba homegirl. McCarran she says that point with this comparison, the person would realize how tiny and insignificant their suffering is compared to the immense amount of gifts and blessings by Allah subhanho wa Taala This is what can dedicate your party Nabina Maya half a woman who do theater in La ouabain Alicia t mela tilaka theosophist Salama team in la familia de Melo brief Malati Katie arati alcovy, theatre co yo.

00:36:44--> 00:36:49

Whoa, she says there's another type of comparison that is very beneficial, saying

00:36:51--> 00:37:15

one of the reasons or the causes of our worries is that we anticipate that something bad will happen in the future. So it says as you anticipates a possibility that something bad could happen. But there are other greater possibilities that something good might happen. So why expect the worse. So he's saying when you have a negative expectation, and you're worried about it, entertain other positive expectations or possibilities.

00:37:17--> 00:37:18

So he says,

00:37:20--> 00:37:31

and not let the negative expectations overcome, you know, these other positive positive possibilities. This is once you do this, the fear and the anxiety will be removed.

00:37:33--> 00:37:34

And then he says, Well, you

00:37:37--> 00:38:00

know, left Saudi Arabia and headed west, if you email me or call me, or email or call out toughy, you know, he's referring to something he spoke about previously. And we explained, he says, so after you do this, you focus more on the positive possibilities, as opposed to the negative possibility, which is supposed to be slim compared to the positive ones. He says afterwards,

00:38:01--> 00:38:06

you need to be ready for the negative, the worst, what could happen, what's the worst that could happen?

00:38:07--> 00:38:10

And then get ready for it. I'm going to lose my job.

00:38:11--> 00:38:12

I'll be jobless.

00:38:13--> 00:38:22

So, okay, I'll consider myself I lost my job, what am I gonna do? Why be consumed by fear, okay, now, let's consider I lost my job,

00:38:23--> 00:39:03

I will be able to deal with it. I will be able, and at that moment, you will release a lot of energy. And you will realize I can do something about the situation. So oftentimes, it's not what will happen or what would happen, that's actually causing us the stress, but it's our fear of it happening. It's just the fear. Because the thing for the thing to happen is much easier and lighter than the fear that we have of it, of in terms of our fear is greater than the calamities. Oftentimes, it's the fear, that quote causes us more stress. And we would be surprised at what we fear once it happens. It's much easier than we thought.

00:39:04--> 00:39:25

So, so that's what he is basically saying, and he says women are more than fit and to defend the yetta nasci laka Hassan Philip Wallace letterbook belturbet room in Nashville, Tennessee. at Miami, we have also worked on the commercial Iraq for indelicato ruca camera to look for in in and tell them to see

00:39:26--> 00:39:36

them Takashi, and that's a beautiful advice. He says one of the beneficial things that you know that the harm that people cause on you or that people close to you,

00:39:37--> 00:39:39

when people harm you with

00:39:42--> 00:39:46

in reality, it doesn't harm you. Specifically, when it comes to verbal

00:39:47--> 00:39:56

harm. It says you should be sure that doesn't really affect you. It doesn't affect you. It doesn't harm you in reality.

00:39:57--> 00:40:00

People say bad things about you people create lies about you.

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

really doesn't harm you. But it harms them.

00:40:05--> 00:40:06

it harms them.

00:40:07--> 00:40:24

He says, but the only time that it will harm you, is when you focus on these words, or on what they did. When you pay attention to it, and you let it consume your thinking, now it's going to harm you as it harms them, it's going to harm both of you.

00:40:25--> 00:40:26

So he says,

00:40:27--> 00:40:42

If you allow these this verbal harm, or verbal insults or whatever they are, to keep you busy, and engage your thoughts with them, and you allow them to control your emotions,

00:40:43--> 00:40:55

then they will definitely harm you. And still, they will harm the people who originated them. Unless you let go of them, you will walk away free from all harm in that situation.

00:40:56--> 00:41:17

And this is, by the way, very important. We oftentimes will when we want let go of an insult, we don't want let it pass. Like or what did you say? Like situation is over? That happens often, by the way. And this leads, unfortunately, to a lot of divorce cases husband and wife have an argument, right? And they almost reached a point. Okay, fine. Let's, let's move on.

00:41:18--> 00:41:48

So the wife throws a word. And he's just leaving the house. Yeah, he's just by the door. He's about to close the door. He says, What did you say? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What did you say? What did you say? He was? Like he he insists on being insulted. Right? Or that sometimes the wife does the same? Oh, no. What did you say? What did you say? And I didn't say I was talking to me. No, no, you said something about me. He had to say it. Now. I want to know what that is. Right? So they focus on it.

00:41:49--> 00:42:03

So the focus, and it poses them even more. So that's the same thing he says, what people say about you. And as I think some English speakers said that he said, what people think of you what people say about you, that's none of your business.

00:42:04--> 00:42:17

That's none of your business, you should not worry about this, because what people say about you or think about you, reflects more about them, than it reflects anything about you.

00:42:18--> 00:42:32

Because anyone who says anything about you, that's their opinion of you. And their opinion, shows how they think and how they perceive things. And this is why al muthanna be the famous or a poet.

00:42:33--> 00:42:48

He said what can mean a been a William so he when we refer to whom in alpha Missa tee me, he says how often someone in our mocks on a beautiful statement, a good statement. And the only problem is in his understanding.

00:42:50--> 00:43:04

And he also says, What either attacked him either met him and naprosyn for he or she had to leave any Camila. He says if someone who is deficient, someone who's got an issue, he, he relates to you something bad about me.

00:43:06--> 00:43:46

He says this is a witness. This is a testimony, that I am a good person, you know, not when a bad person comes to you. And he says he talks about one of your friends. He's this and he's that and he's this and he's that you actually become more sure how good your friend is. Why? Because someone who's negative and poisonous, and they see everything in negative light and negative light, you're gonna you recognize, okay, you saying this and you see seeing this person and a lot of negative light is because of your own poison thinking. Not because that person is bad. That's only wise people can see through this. Only wise people can see through this. And this is why another poet

00:43:46--> 00:43:48

says and that's something

00:43:49--> 00:43:56

about what they call the Muslim scholars call as soon an old konia these are the dynamics that govern this universe. He's saying

00:43:57--> 00:44:07

what either are or the law of inertia. Finally, if we let him do we, at Harrison has Udi if Allah subhanaw taala wants to revive

00:44:10--> 00:44:19

a good virtue that has been forgotten by people. A Lost Planet, Allah will allow an envious evil person to start talking bad about it.

00:44:20--> 00:44:31

So by the person speaking bad about it, he will bring it into the people's attention. When he brings it into people's attention. Good people will recognize the goodness in it. So we'll be revived.

00:44:33--> 00:44:41

So sometimes what has been said about Muslims and about Islam, sometimes it's actually although it's negative, but it's going to bring about some good consequences, in a sense.

00:44:42--> 00:44:45

So it's this kind of insight that we need to develop into things so he's saying

00:44:49--> 00:45:00

and now I knew he was moving on to a new idea he's saying while I'm in the higher Takata on the F Carrick and he says know that your life is amazing.

00:45:00--> 00:45:08

reflection of your thoughts. Your life, the quality of your life is a reflection of the state of your thoughts, the state of your mind.

00:45:11--> 00:45:28

For incarnate of carbon, female alake, and houfy Dean in our dunya so if your thoughts are about something beneficial in matters of this life are matters of the era of the Dean of religion, for hire to copy button, say that then your life is a goodly life that is full with happiness.

00:45:29--> 00:45:32

What he left lamelo, blacks, blacks and vice versa.

00:45:33--> 00:45:36

If your thoughts are negative, your life will be miserable.

00:45:37--> 00:45:45

you anticipate the worse life it will be miserable. You think about you know, how much people wronged you, your life will be miserable.

00:45:46--> 00:46:13

You choose to think about the good things the blessings of Allah subhanaw taala what's gonna happen you with the more you focus on Allah blessings, the more thankful you will be naturally you will be thankful. And what happens a lot will increase you more than a cartoon. There is even a common law made it clear announcement that if you are thankful I shall increase you. So just focus on the good things and you're going to get more of them. You're going to get more of them. Focus on what works not what doesn't work.

00:46:14--> 00:46:16

Don't try to fix everything.

00:46:17--> 00:46:45

Don't try to fix everything. saying okay woman or woman and for more than a total him and talked enough sakala and latok Nova Shukla Illa Amina LA for either Asante Amanda who happen Alec elmen Lisa who hopped on Phantom and now the Hema mela to mean Kamala fella to barely be shoe cream and Anjali come upon the tide if you have the house healthy. Okay, let me translate. He says one of the most beneficial things to repel.

00:46:47--> 00:46:51

stress and anxiety is that you get yourself ready.

00:46:53--> 00:46:59

Not to expect fangs and gratitude from anyone. Don't expect people to be grateful to you.

00:47:01--> 00:47:04

So you'll be good to people. And they will backstab you,

00:47:06--> 00:47:08

you will help someone and they will take advantage of you.

00:47:12--> 00:47:48

That's it. That's life. That's life. Obviously there are exceptions. But you will see with the majority of cases. That's what happens. So it says that you get ready not to expect thanks and gratitude from other than a law. So if you have been good to someone who has rights upon you, like your wife, your dependents, your children, or someone who doesn't have rights upon your random person you decided to do good, you started to volunteer and help someone else. So he says you have to know that you're not treating this person.

00:47:49--> 00:47:51

You are treating Allah through this person.

00:47:53--> 00:48:01

That's the difference. You're treating a law through that person. So you're being good to that person not because of who they are and what they are.

00:48:02--> 00:48:10

Because you expect the reward from Allah, because Allah loves the one who is good to his creation. So you're treating Allah

00:48:11--> 00:48:19

through the people, you're not treating the people directly. This will help you deal with a lot of pain that comes your way from people.

00:48:20--> 00:48:24

But once you take it personal, it's gonna be difficult for you.

00:48:25--> 00:48:28

And he, he is diverse. He is quoting he's saying

00:48:29--> 00:49:10

the best among creation. That's what they do as a last resort I said about them in Morocco mo Camila de la and Sora in San in NaNoWriMo, Camilla jela, LAN resuming comm jazza. And one shoe Cora, these people heard about them, they feed the poor, they feed the captives, they feed, feed everyone. Then they say to them, we feed you. Basically we support you, we help you we offer you that for the sake of Allah followers face, learn only domain comm jazza. And what Ashu Cora We don't want any recompense from you and a reward. We don't want even thanks. We don't want anything from you. We're not doing it even for you as a human being. We're doing that for the sake of Allah. For the sake of

00:49:10--> 00:49:17

Allah, we don't want We don't expect anything from you. Since you are the creation of Allah, I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you That's it.

00:49:19--> 00:49:34

This is why it's good to have a female meliton Allah Allah Allah Allah, Allah, woman, cobia TSR Luca beam fermata warkentin of sakala iluka asurion home, Fatah tostada. He says this is this is stressed more

00:49:35--> 00:49:44

and emphasized more when dealing with spouses or family like a spouse, or when dealing maybe with parents and your children

00:49:46--> 00:49:59

and whoever you have a strong connection or relationship with. So he says once you get yourself ready for that and expect this kind of ungratefulness so you don't hold the people accountable even for their own

00:50:00--> 00:50:10

ungratefulness you don't even hold them accountable for you don't even blame them for not being thankful to you. You don't even blame them for that. So he said

00:50:11--> 00:50:18

that you have made people at ease and you've made yourself at ease. You brought ease to everyone.

00:50:20--> 00:50:24

It says, woman Don't worry about her. It doesn't seem we're gonna finish the book.

00:50:27--> 00:50:28

Actually, almost that.

00:50:32--> 00:50:47

Let's finish it and start to finish on I don't know if we can finish it today. But women who who will follow anyway, well, I'm actually happy has a bit die. Let me stop here. If you have some questions, we'll deal with them. And we'll leave the rest for next week. inshallah we have only one page.

00:50:48--> 00:50:53

But we won't be able to finish it in 10 minutes with explanation. So if you guys have questions

00:50:54--> 00:50:57

that are relative to that, we'll start with them. Sure.

00:50:58--> 00:50:59


00:51:08--> 00:51:11

And get ready for the worst. Yes.

00:51:13--> 00:51:14


00:51:15--> 00:51:15


00:51:19--> 00:51:24

only about the worst possibilities, but also about the positive. Yeah.

00:51:26--> 00:51:26

So like,

00:51:29--> 00:51:31

okay, basically,

00:51:32--> 00:51:59

think of the worst and be ready for it. That's what he's saying. But don't dwell on it. That's what he's saying. Don't dwell on the worst. Okay, always just focus on the negative possibilities, or what could go wrong all the time. So think about it logically, what could go wrong? What's the worst that could happen? And I'll be ready for it. And then move on and look at other positive possibilities. And try to dwell more on those.

00:52:00--> 00:52:09

Try to dwell more on those. So the more you focus on the positive, actually, the more likely they are to happen. Because there's a there's something you know, humans are very,

00:52:10--> 00:52:12

humans are a miracle.

00:52:13--> 00:52:23

Our how our mind work works is a miracle is really a miracle. There's some some kind of like a survival mechanism in, in our structure.

00:52:24--> 00:52:45

Once you expect something, you're actually your whole being will start chasing it, your whole being will start chasing, I mentioned this example many times, if once you decide to buy a car, let's say you want an Nissan Rogue, for some reason, okay, I want Nissan Rogue. Previously, you had no like interest in the sound rug.

00:52:46--> 00:52:49

But now you just someone told you Oh, it's a very good car.

00:52:50--> 00:53:33

You know, when it comes to gas, etc, it's very easy on gas. And it's very dependable, solid car, and so on. Very good makes so and so forth. So you develop an interest. Once you develop an interest, do you really want to get a Nissan Rogue? You'll be surprised that you will start seeing Nissan Rogue on almost every corner. And you might even be surprised Oh by neighbor has it? I've never seen it before. Why is it now the whole city of Toronto is Nissan Rogue, you'll be you'll be noticing it wherever you go, Why? That's your cell phone mechanism works. That's how your brain works. Once you give it a target, he's gonna ignore everything, everything else and will start searching for it. So

00:53:33--> 00:53:44

you've been seen as Sam rogue, but your mind was deleting this data, unconsciously not letting you know that your eyes saw it. And you don't, you're unaware that you saw something like this.

00:53:45--> 00:53:46

Because our attention is selective.

00:53:47--> 00:54:18

So whatever you focus on, you're going to see it. So that's the problem with focusing on the evil when you focus on the negatives, what will happen, your mind will automatically start searching for them searching for proofs. And I'm going to get you why things are not working out, you're going to see only the bad things. But when you focus on the good things, what will happen, your mind will start actually seeing things, paying your attention to things that could make things work out. And then you have more access to things that will help you tomorrow means that will help you actually get the positives.

00:54:20--> 00:54:53

So reality is not that solid. there's a there's a conversation between reality and perception. You have your own personal reality. It's a version of or it's a snapshot of what reality is, but it's a very inaccurate snapshot. And you choose what you fill it with usually choose what you focus on. So focus on the negatives, you're going to see more of them. And you become very good at picking on people's mistakes. You'll be able to find 100 mistakes in any human being in the metro of 10 seconds. You become very good at it.

00:54:54--> 00:54:59

But it's not going to help you make make your life miserable. And by the way, there's a study that was done

00:55:00--> 00:55:23

With in the US on a huge sample of lawyers. And they found that the people have the lowest level in all professions, people have the lowest levels of well being. That's a word like for happiness and peace in life, generally speaking, the people will have the profession that has the lowest level of well being and happiness are lawyers.

00:55:24--> 00:56:02

They studied that they figured out lawyers have to find no faults in any argument. They have to see what's wrong in order to support their argument, right? They have to find loopholes in the law in order to get what they want. So they're always focused on what seeing what's wrong and seeing what's wrong. So that brings us so trained. So what happens? They can't, by the way, stop that. The the moment they get out of court, when they go home is still functioning. So they go, they become their wife. Remember, I rented the house that was back home. And the guy was a lawyer. So

00:56:03--> 00:56:35

I rented the house, and then I wanted to move out of the house and call him he wasn't responding to the phone. So what I said, I know his family, his elderly, parents, so I called his parents house and his mother replied and said, Listen, I've been trying to call him catch him for two, three weeks, and it's time for me to leave. Because I'm traveling. I was traveling to another country. And I mean, he's not responding. She says, maybe he's busy, but okay. She said, You paid the rent and everything. I said, everything is paid. Yeah, sure. Okay. You can go, no problem.

00:56:37--> 00:56:53

So I moved out. And on I was at the airport leaving, I received a phone call from him. And I said, What have you been? He says, What do you mean, what have you been? He says, before you leave the house, you have to write me a legal document. And I have to come and inspect it, and I have to clear you.

00:56:54--> 00:57:33

And then we have to sign it. I said, Now you're acting as a lawyer on me, I'm sorry, that doesn't work. Too late. And sorry, in Jordan, you don't even do this like to do this. But so basically, the point is, lawyers are very good at, that's what their training and their job requires is that you find faults and loopholes. And that's what they keep doing at home. Obviously, not necessarily all of them, but the most of them. That's what the studies are showing. So in terms of their marital life, they have the highest rates of divorce. Why? Because they walk into the house. There's one club that's not in the right place. Why is that a couple of their cars, they want everything to be

00:57:33--> 00:57:53

just intact and perfect. And they, there's no mistake, they're gonna come up with a mistake, somehow, they're gonna find it even when it's when it's not there. So that's why it's important. You focus on good things, we're gonna get more of them focus on bad things. You're gonna get more of them. It's basically a perception game. It's your mind playing a game on you. Yes.

00:57:55--> 00:58:03

This one, it's by a man Sadie. It's called in Arabic. Allah says a little movie that you hire to sign

00:58:04--> 00:58:18

in English. I think it's been translated, but it's not really a very good translation by Dr. Saleh. Asana. He, like some of the words are not really they don't flow so smoothly. He I think he called it a beneficial means to a happy life.

00:58:19--> 00:58:27

Yeah, he was will find a PDF online. It's available. Yeah. We'll take one more question before we go for questions. Questions.

00:58:28--> 00:58:30

No questions. Okay. Yeah, the question.

00:58:50--> 00:58:59

Yeah, yeah. Yes. I mean, that's, that's a very big question is okay. Yes, you have to be focused on the good things about children. But some kids are like,

00:59:01--> 00:59:04

like, they do the worst things. And are you supposed not to

00:59:06--> 00:59:11

basically discipline these guys. Usually, with the negative behavior, you mean, we need to dig deeper.

00:59:13--> 00:59:15

And negative behavior behavior, there's something behind it.

00:59:16--> 00:59:37

Some, it's a communication from the child when the child misbehaves. That's a communication. There's something I'm not happy with. Something I'm not comfortable with. So if we discipline the child without fixing the problem, the child would be passive for a while, they'll take the punishment and the control, but they're gonna find another way to vent out the discomfort.

00:59:39--> 00:59:59

Unless like a child has been really, really, really, really, really bad. But that's By the way, what I've seen personally is that very rare, usually children who misbehave they have a need they're trying to fulfill. So if you are able to connect with them and find out exactly what's behind it, and connect with them at that level, you will transform the child and you will help them grow and you will maintain

01:00:00--> 01:00:34

good relationship with them, and you won't traumatize them. Because oftentimes discipline when it's excessive, it ends up traumatizing the children. And that's not to empower children over their parents. But what I'm saying that's an advice for the parents, you know, win them over. You can, you can, but that takes time. That takes patience, that takes attention and most of us are unwilling to put that in. There's one, okay, it'll keep quiet, keep quiet. While he's making noise, he wants attention. There's something he wants to say. But I don't have time for you. If you don't have time for the child, you will pay a hefty price for that anyone anyone will pay your child needs they need

01:00:34--> 01:01:13

time more than they need money. They need time from you and attention more than they need your toys. There'll be happy with the toys that's right but i mean there will be more happy to spend quality time with you as a parent so you speak with them as man to man. Your daughter can speak to you and she can open her heart to you. Yeah, parents cannot really miss out on this these days especially. And there's a lot of freedom there's a lot of negative influence from school, university etc. You need to win them over. You need to win them over to support them to face there's a lot of cases where our like younger ones are doubting their faith questioning a lot. Most of it is that they feel

01:01:13--> 01:01:17

unheard for so long that they've they've tuned off completely.

01:01:18--> 01:01:22

Yeah, just epsilon Solomon Amina Mohammed sahbihi wa sallam