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The Rights Of Wife From Her Husband

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Mohammed Faqih

Channel: Mohammed Faqih

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Can you hear me

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tonight because this is a very critical profit.

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Okay, title of the topic tonight is

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marriage, the aftermath, the consequences of marriage. And I had promised you two weeks ago, when we have the

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when we have the very seminar with shift NASA and

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I said Shall we don't have a follow up to talk about, we don't get to talk about the some of the technical points or some of the rights and obligations of marriage.

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Now, I tell you, this is one of those, I don't wanna say controversial, but this is one of those sensitive sessions, where based on the person's attitude,

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you know, not everybody, everybody involved in the speaker, as well as the audience, based on the person's attitude, it's either a win win situation, or a lose lose situation, one of the

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people usually come to me, okay, I got, I ought to have my ex wife, because I'm going to go home tonight, I'm going to let her

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let her know that these are my rights.

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Right. And even if you might come afterwards, I would like to have a copy of the lecture, please.

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Take notes, and then when they go home.

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And I always say this, and I am going to continue to repeat a last

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question about your rights.

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While asking about is your obligations? Have you fulfilled their obligations? Someone else's rights? Have they been fulfilled? Or not? Did you take care of someone else's rights? Have you fulfilled your obligations or not? And keep this in mind? One of the scholars said there's a word of wisdom. There is nothing

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better

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for you to treat someone who had disobeyed

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his treatment, someone who transgressed against you

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and cross the limits of the last panel with the best way to pay that person back is to feel it was your treatment to that person.

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Right? Someone did not have a lot of a treatment, they have no trouble against you. How do you respond to them?

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With a Tacoma, so you should not let someone else's transgression cause you to transgress against them.

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Because irrevocable of the Day of Judgment, right?

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And you have what you owe, do you want to also want or do

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I rather be on the Day of Judgment, I rather be someone that others and not someone that Oh, someone else is

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so good gives us.

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And it is the top of the pious view,

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including the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam. First,

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and best of all high school

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is that they work on their obligations, and they fulfill their obligations. They don't necessarily pay attention, or they don't necessarily occupy preoccupy themselves with demanding their rights. So this is very important. So what I want to focus on actually the what the wisest thing for me to do, would have been to have this in two sessions, one session for the sisters, and brothers, sisters, what the rights of their husbands

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and then another session for the brothers and tell them what the session with the rights of the wife.

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However,

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because it's an educational process,

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sisters,

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the rights of the wife

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not to demand it for themselves, but to take it into consideration when it comes to their daughter in laws.

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To take it into consideration when it comes to raising their sons to be of those who fulfill those rights. Likewise, the men have to know the rights of

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men so they they in their education, or who they raise their daughter

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They have this fleet

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failure show. Now,

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we must first

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emphasize on a very important issue.

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One of which is

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amongst the other. There's a way that

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we don't have a word here.

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Is anyone familiar with a word?

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novel? Is anyone

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you should be familiar with.

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Please,

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listen, look up the word.

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Okay? Anyone knows what the word might mean?

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There's a brother here by the name of Marvel.

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Besides that,

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you don't know what?

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No, no, no.

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Here comes from the root word.

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Means known.

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Well known, universally accepted, generally recognized, conventional. That which is good. All that which is good. beneficial, or feeling

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good. benefit. fairness, equity, equitable. pneus. Kindness, friendliness,

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right. And soaker courtesy. All of this is part of forgive. There's another word called the roof, which comes from the same root word of the mandala.

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Kindness, custom.

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Practice convention, tradition.

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Tradition, Rafi. is traditional

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habit, legal practice.

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customary.

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I guess you got the point. Okay, why am I talking about?

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Why am I talking about?

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What's the point of reform?

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When we talk about marriage?

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The marital relationship actually is based on our

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so I might end up giving you some rights or some obligations, but you may not be able to relate. Why? Because a new definition.

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So we often miss out on this emphasis on this word.

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Why should a witness

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that interact with

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them come together? To begin with Actually, there is a mutual marriage.

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Marriage is not sure it's not even.

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It's a key word. This is a must, must go into

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a marriage.

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It's my faith. Marriage is

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what has to happen. So some people have this this negative attitude towards marriage and this is no

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it's not. Because and by the way, this statement that sometimes people say they laugh they joke about it is a serious thing.

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If someone says

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to me,

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you know, usually people say that don't really matter. But this is a series a series of statement. What

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is the approximate

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11 times.

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So basically you're telling me that approximate practice sharp 11

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she has

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all of the facets before her with exception of Jesus and john

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cena and Rhys Allison

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overpriced. So all of these profits committed something evil. When I How could such a noble thing that was mentioned in the program that is one of the natural laws of alarm.

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Origin, whatever the sooner of, as soon as the Prophet says, and because he married is my tradition, my students my

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Well, my brother,

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in whosoever has resentment, and objection towards any of my sister is not one of me.

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So this might seem to be outlets and people take it lightly and they joke about it. But it's a series of statements a series of tests. Of course, what concerned me is the attitude.

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This reflects a particular attitude towards or against marriage, people, unfortunately, this is one of those ways for people to cope with their failure

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to have a decent, successful, meaningful relationship.

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And people blame, the typical thing is that marriage has to be something horrible, it has to be something draining, it has to be something exhausting has resulted just purely,

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just like most people

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who pursue

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different activities in life, like work or career or

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studies, and they're still miserable, why not? Because the study itself ought to make you miserable. It's their attitude towards what they choose to do.

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But when it comes to marriage, you can't have this kind of attitude, you know, what,

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if you choose our mental attitude towards your career, or your major school,

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although you're not supposed to do, because it's affecting you. But when you get into a relationship with an attitude, you're actually affecting someone else. And you have no right to do that. So this is very important that we really correct this view. And this perception that we have, when it comes to marriage has to be corrected. Marriage actually is a mutual contract,

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where people come into it with mutual agreement, and desire,

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it cannot take place, you cannot be forced into it,

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you have to really be aware of it. When you come into it. You know, some sometimes some people, they're like, he just wakes up and he finds himself.

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He's a he's in the marriage, and he's married, what happened?

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You can't do that, when it comes to me, you have to be aware of you have to so it's a mutual desire.

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So, and it's a contract like any other contract, where you have an option, right, where you have a choice to make. And by the way, this applies to both medical actually is a condition according to the majority of scholars, it's a condition that both have to agree that they have to be content,

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they have to be pleased with each other.

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That is the opinion of some, some of the scholars in this opinion is actually weak, that marriage could actually take place and it could be valid. If If, therefore, under certain severe circumstances, it could be but normally speaking, marriage has both parties involved in the marriage, about their families with both parties have their blessing in their consent is very important and very

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essential, but both parties have to really be pleased and they have to get into the marriage willingly. For it to be that

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now, the basis of this relationship is valid.

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vowel so what is my rule? I gave you a list of words to translate, but this define the word

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naruse actually, and off are very similar, the words are very,

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they're kind of synonyms,

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love

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comes from the word alpha, alpha means what to know or to recognize, to know or recognize or be accustomed to, right. So, they say, Who am I

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right.

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Now noun is that which people basically feel comfortable with and recognize to be good, pretty much now is the agreed upon good,

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the good that is not relative.

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The good that is not relevant, because sometimes there's what may be good for you

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has to be something mutual Good. Good, that both of us recognize.

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And they are both defining. This is about

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and normally customs, customs and traditions are of that nature.

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So in Islam, by the way, culture tradition, you

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Have a very critical function and very important steps. So long those traditions and cultures do not violate some of these limits.

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It's not about to destroy cultures or go against whatever a culture has that is good, it's not recognize it to be good. And by the way,

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has has a very critically use effect, like, for example,

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is the criteria by which certain issues are settled in Islam.

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Like, for example, if something was not defined in a contract,

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right, let's say the two parties involved in any contract failed to define certain criterias.

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And now there is a dispute, what do you refer to? One of those things that you refer to?

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And that's why there is a principle that,

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for example, if someone's cousin says,

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Well, I bought this car,

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come this person from this store?

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And the

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store owner says,

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if this is Brian furrow, don't you don't want to look into this kind of game with this kind of transaction? Is it the customer?

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Is it the tradition, that one has the option to return something, there something as a return policy, even for policies that say, on receipt,

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processing routine, you look into the tradition, or the customer of that kind of transaction.

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So if it happens that the customer was customer at that time reduction is that the merchant must get 30 days or must must accept product back then just a half a century? Why? Because the tradition or the culture or the concept,

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right constitutes that.

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So it doesn't have to be really, Britain. And America also, this is us, for example, we know that we're gonna come to Missouri Maha Maha Maha, which is the gallery or the marriage, the gift that the man has to offer his wife.

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And

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by the way, right, Maha is, is an obligation. Right? Now, suppose that two people got married, they didn't know that you have to have a mother. Right? So they got me. And after 10 years, they're like, Okay, well,

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even if it's 10 years, he has to give him one. So what do you

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what do you go fight? You go by the

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the traditional, what is customer?

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What does a woman in her status? Or from her background? What kind of mom does she get? And he has to offer that somebody equivalent to?

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So very important to us. But when it comes to the relationship, the entire relationship, pretty much the entire relationship is based on

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what is customary, what is equitable, what is fair, what is good, what is agreed upon mission, to be something good.

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In many disputes right away, that's what a mouse or therapist or counselor has to do refer back to,

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in many in many disputes will happen is everybody thinks that they're doing good, but the other person doesn't recognize the good that this person is doing. Now, basically, the therapist or the counselor has to make the other person realize that he didn't mean it this way, he meant it that way. But what is the criteria that we use, in most cases when you use his mouth,

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and that's why many problems occur when people come back come from two different backgrounds, two different cultures,

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to different standards of mouth. So, so, knowing this principle is very important that I wanted to basically introduce this and talk about it.

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When it comes to mouth, however, mouth is recognized as mouth by by one of two things are by two things.

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One, the teachings of a Muslim divine teachings of a law. So whatever what is missing in his mouth is something good that we have to recognize.

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Even if our culture was exceptional, and whatever is left, whatever the problem was, sooner or later recognized,

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wherever people agree upon to be something good and reasonable, that is good and reasonable.

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And whatever people people consider

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Bad, evil and not reasonable. It's not It's not. It's, it's not reasonable.

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Like,

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I pretty much have this issue of

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having said that.

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Now, when we talk about some of those rights, when we talk about the rights of the wife, the rights of the husband, you have to keep in mind what

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this point of it goes back.

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To what extent does she have to do this? To what extent does he have to what extent mouth, mouth because this is, this is how far the person has to go, or this is how much they are obligated to do. Okay, so we'll start with the rights of

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the rights of the wife, but the rights of them. And of course, there are mutual rights, like good treatment and respect and all that. And the rights of the wife.

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We're going to start with the monetary rights.

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One of those rights, and of course, there is disagreement about So Scott is no,

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monster basically, it's a very,

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it could be it could have monetary value. It could be or it could be the court,

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it could be some kind of

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it could be a

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property that has monetary value, or it could be something of value any valuable.

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Could it be something like

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a piece of land? Yes. Why? Because it has monetary value? Could it be dollar amount? Could it be gold? Yes. All of these things could be

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could be used as money? Could it be something like teaching her how to read and write? or teaching?

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Or memorizing,

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or accepting Islam? Or memorize remember, either one sort of have a plan, isn't it? Because this is my tribe?

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This is

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an example this is

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what I think,

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you know,

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large amounts of gold or silver, right? So look for actually, you know, recognize this and not have does not have a limit

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doesn't help.

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But again, what's the big smile?

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Not Be reasonable.

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Right?

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There was

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almost like a, like a cap like, limit. He said, Well, the gutters of the proximal line, this is how he came to this conclusion. He said the officer did not get more than a certain amount.

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So he said no one is better than yours.

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And no one should ask for his daughter's

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ask. So this is like the limit.

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And it is said that it was brought to the patient and the patient has said that as a woman that brought this to the attention. This verse I just quoted, why take him?

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back? He said, okay, because the plan basically, is a large amount. Huge amount.

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So she certainly wasn't.

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So everyone basically kind of amended that that law.

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Okay.

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It could be again, any variable, right? It is said that also they will they

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propose to her and he was mushrik. So she told him you're wishing.

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And this is, by the way, even before I think this was before it was made for a believing woman to marry and honestly,

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this is before it was made how he proposed her and she said,

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although it's not how, and this guy is a wealthy person.

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She said to him, no way I would marry someone who doesn't share the same way of life.

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So she's,

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and I'm a Muslim Anna, and I don't think this is gonna work out if you want to marry me except this.

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So he went looked into this and studied Islam. So he accepted Islam

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because of that, and that's why they say for kind of a little while.

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And that's one of her motto. Her marriage gift. Turned out to be the greatest gift ever because Can you put it back

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It is priceless.

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It's priceless. There was an incident where a man came to us and wanted to get married. So the processor told him, okay, give Bob What do you have? He said,

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there was a woman that the processor was trying to marry this over to this man.

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He said, What do you have? He said,

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he said, silver, coal, iron, nothing.

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So he said, What do you remember? He said, I think he said a cup or something, some great soul. So it says, the wish to

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this is something valuable.

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So we could ask for your daughter, you could ask for PhD,

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or PhD.

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Or you could ask for someone to go memorize according to the temp job.

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Now we need to raise the status. So this could be however, has to take place. Now this is Maha Brooklyn. Is it one of the pillars of marriage? That if it's not there, then the mirrors are not valid? For Is it one of the consequences of marriage?

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Well, this or that it has to be there has to be a if a marriage takes place without being laid aside. Even if it's after 10 years, or 20 years, it has to be me. And again, it could be anything, it could be a radio. Alright, so this is shall include the second right that my wife has, over her husband is suddenly cold in Nevada, and Nevada is a financial obligation. Her man is responsible.

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spending

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over his house, he has to spend on his house, take care of all the expenses of all the necessities.

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And sisters might say okay, all right. So this mansion of hours he has to pay for haven't have to work. Well, he doesn't have to really build you mentioned.

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Okay, to what extent does he have to spend? What is the limit of what do we go back to?

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You

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can't miss it. If he is wealthy and rich, he spends accordingly, women put the right school for you.

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And whoever was restricted is his income and he has limited income that he spends accordingly.

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In a wise way here now you can see Elon

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Musk has not put a burden upon a soul more than that, which it can bear a lot of sense as sort of as a wound.

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So the scholars say nothing about spending and taking care of the bare necessities, is according to the means of the husband. And according to the social status of Of course there is sometimes I think it's a technical debate or dispute between the scouts should it be according to the needs of the husband, or according to the status and social status of the wife.

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And I think this is just a technical point technical, because if you think about it, it's really it should be according to the needs of

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know, according to the status of the wife. Well remember what we said about her getting into the relationship willingly. Right? So she knows what his status is financial status, and what his needs are, then we can't obligate them

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to spend more than he can he can do. Right?

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Remember what we said the dispute among scholars was okay, should we say that it's based on the social status media proceeds from the rich family and she lived in Alaska

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for an

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assignment,

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right, then he has like a three bedroom house with a swimming pool and tip 10 acres and eight bedrooms and

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only three of those bedrooms.

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But suppose that something comes away from you. He say that God says she was brought up in a household where she has

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to provide

00:30:00--> 00:30:00

How can

00:30:01--> 00:30:12

we go back tomorrow? What mistake is the power? Is the condition and the agreement was that he provides the same amount that she was used to?

00:30:14--> 00:30:15

Yes.

00:30:17--> 00:30:24

Yes. However, since it's a mutual contract, and someone gets into a relationship

00:30:25--> 00:30:29

of this nature, and that's why I like people have to really settle this.

00:30:30--> 00:30:39

And be clear on this, then, actually, according to this verse, a lot, actually, the husband spends based on his wealth,

00:30:40--> 00:30:48

his ability, his financial ability, and the [???]ty art nor the law requires for him to spend more than he actually.

00:30:51--> 00:30:54

So he does not have the right to say, Well, I don't care, go and borrow money.

00:30:58--> 00:31:00

I got asked, Well, how about $1,000?

00:31:05--> 00:31:06

If you cannot afford it, you can't afford it.

00:31:09--> 00:31:25

You can't, if you don't, that's something different. But you can't obligate the person to spend more than so a financial obligation is the husband's obligation. However, it is based on on what is customary. Now, Could someone come and say, Well,

00:31:27--> 00:31:34

I am the one that earns, you know, living. So now I am going to show Oh, yeah, oh, I can't afford to

00:31:35--> 00:31:39

afford buying a nice car, but I'm just going to get very, very cheap.

00:31:41--> 00:32:13

Well, now, if he is spending, you know, if he's spending much less than he can afford, she can actually say, no, this is not enough for me. Now, the scholars say if we get a case like this, what do we do? We look at if she is from a background where she was used to higher standards of living, he and he can afford it, he is obligated to raise the status. If he is not from that background, then he's not

00:32:19--> 00:32:19

critical. I don't know.

00:32:30--> 00:32:32

The evidence for this is

00:32:33--> 00:32:35

the evidence for this is

00:32:37--> 00:32:38

okay.

00:32:40--> 00:33:00

Sometimes there are some some some sisters will come later. She says my husband doesn't spend enough he doesn't give me enough. So he can afford he can afford it's not that he doesn't have but he can afford it but he wants to just save save 70% of his income and he wants to only spend 30% and 30% is not enough

00:33:03--> 00:33:12

could she demand or could she take more than what is given here in the center. Hinman director came to the office and

00:33:14--> 00:33:15

she said

00:33:17--> 00:33:17

What

00:33:19--> 00:33:29

is it this is very stingy is a cheap guy is very cheap. When I say your cleaning fee already, and he doesn't give me and my children enough

00:33:31--> 00:33:32

financial support

00:33:33--> 00:33:43

in the afternoon except except that I have to ask. After the matter I have to really take she was very strong, outgoing woman speaker.

00:33:45--> 00:33:47

So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said

00:33:48--> 00:33:52

column so for the men seeking or whether they keep being

00:33:54--> 00:33:59

vulnerable to take that which is enough for you and your child.

00:34:02--> 00:34:06

Based on model, don't be extravagant. Don't spend more. Don't take

00:34:07--> 00:34:29

as much as you can, because you want to basically show off. And you want to spend as much as your neighbor, Laurie as your cousin will now be reasonable. So the processor told her you can you have the right to go and take or demand more. If it's not enough, however, do not exceed them and don't cross the line and be reasonable.

00:34:31--> 00:34:32

By

00:34:33--> 00:34:37

the third rights that the White House is,

00:34:39--> 00:34:41

by the way, under I'll go back to the issue of

00:34:43--> 00:34:55

under financial obligation. It is a massive responsibility to secure a place for living and a place that has that that has all the necessary

00:34:58--> 00:35:00

you know all the necessary tools that

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

So how about I mean, you wouldn't be amazed the scars? Of course they didn't. The scars didn't say that he has to buy her food processor

00:35:10--> 00:35:14

was the old book. And, you know, when I read this as I was,

00:35:16--> 00:35:26

when I read this, and I came across these things, I'm like, how could How dare people come and accuse Islam and Muslim scholars are being chauvinistic, and being anti women and suppressing women.

00:35:30--> 00:35:44

If 1400, or 1500 years ago, the scholars discussed this. And they said, one of the rights that one of the rights and the obligations of a man is to secure a place of living an independent place of living.

00:35:46--> 00:36:05

He can't for example, she has the right to have her own place. He can't dump her in a basement, unless, of course, she agrees to, but she has the right. He can't say, oh, we're gonna live with my parents, whether you like it or not, whether you have to share it, they said no, she has to have her own her own bedroom,

00:36:06--> 00:36:07

her own

00:36:09--> 00:36:17

space where she can do you know where she can spend the day. So and if again, and what is used to determine that is mouth.

00:36:18--> 00:36:26

So she has to have her own bedroom, she gets, she doesn't have to, nor cheat, but she she is to share a bedroom with anyone else. So she has,

00:36:28--> 00:36:33

as I said, she has to have a place for cooking kitchen with fully equipped

00:36:35--> 00:36:38

with what is necessary, again, what is necessary.

00:36:40--> 00:36:42

Because something will shift, shift, shift,

00:36:45--> 00:36:47

shift voice, do you say? Are you

00:36:48--> 00:36:50

crazy? Do you want everything that doesn't really

00:36:54--> 00:37:05

he said, it's about time, you know, women now are looking forward to what a machine that basically where they deposit the baby. And it does everything, it watches the baby changes the diaper and everything.

00:37:09--> 00:37:23

But they said any necessary equipment has to be secured. And of course, the scholars say that this is really changes based on the title. Right? So if nowadays, a woman must

00:37:25--> 00:37:36

stating this, if a woman wants to have a food processor, if a microwave happened to be one of the necessities, we're not talking about cosmetics, there are three levels, whether there are necessities,

00:37:37--> 00:37:43

right, the things that are necessary and important things that are needed, and good cosmetics.

00:37:45--> 00:37:49

This is what we're talking about what is needed and what is necessary. refrigerator,

00:37:52--> 00:37:54

stove, oven

00:37:55--> 00:38:10

knives, all these essentials. So she has to have her own. He cannot. They say that he's obligated to, you know, buy her her own. He can't say well, you know, use my mom's

00:38:11--> 00:38:13

share with my neighbor.

00:38:15--> 00:38:16

You can,

00:38:17--> 00:38:26

of course, unless she she agrees, unless she agrees, but this is we're talking about how So one has to be able to afford all of us.

00:38:28--> 00:38:30

Now someone might say okay, what Greg

00:38:33--> 00:38:35

doesn't have to be made back.

00:38:38--> 00:38:39

It has to be functional.

00:38:40--> 00:38:41

Something that functions

00:38:44--> 00:38:48

it doesn't have to have all the bells and whistles. Most of them don't work. People don't use them anyways.

00:38:50--> 00:38:51

You don't know

00:38:52--> 00:38:52

by

00:38:54--> 00:39:01

number three, one of the rights the third rights that the wife has is good treatment,

00:39:02--> 00:39:03

good treatment

00:39:04--> 00:39:07

and kind treatment is called the division

00:39:08--> 00:39:10

unless I asked you wouldn't have been

00:39:12--> 00:39:13

what I should have been.

00:39:15--> 00:39:23

And as human beings, we have needs, we have needs and those needs could be summarized into four categories.

00:39:25--> 00:39:28

It could be summarized into four categories, spiritual,

00:39:30--> 00:39:30

emotional,

00:39:31--> 00:39:34

physical, and intellectual.

00:39:35--> 00:39:39

Good treatment means fulfilling all of those needs.

00:39:41--> 00:39:46

Right, the emotional, the physical, the spiritual and intellectual.

00:39:48--> 00:39:49

They have to be

00:39:50--> 00:39:50

good

00:39:54--> 00:39:56

or which is again based on

00:39:58--> 00:40:00

the man is

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

obligated to fulfill the promise of a love I'd even send them said

00:40:08--> 00:40:11

is the who is the best to his family or to his wife?

00:40:12--> 00:40:26

The best to me, and I am the best in terms of treatment to my family. And this is one of them. Now, of course the disputes happens on

00:40:27--> 00:40:31

Well, my needs are not met, my needs are not fulfilled.

00:40:35--> 00:40:38

Someone is in need. Okay.

00:40:43--> 00:40:46

There are some physical needs are being fulfilled isn't quite

00:40:47--> 00:40:48

sure. What can be referred to?

00:40:51--> 00:40:55

What do we refer to when there's dispute or someone is complaining? we referred to?

00:40:57--> 00:40:59

Is he doing enough to fulfill the needs?

00:41:01--> 00:41:04

Right, all these emotional needs.

00:41:05--> 00:41:14

So, and of course, one has to remember that there's this beautiful aspect tomorrow, which is what kindness and good deed must promises.

00:41:17--> 00:41:39

Believing, believing believing women are friends and protectors of one another, they join what is good and forbid what is evil mouth, same thing. Right. So this is your role as a believer. So one has to keep in mind that this is not your opponent. This is your partner in life. Not only important, but also your sister in Islam,

00:41:42--> 00:42:04

that you should not only treat well, but you should actually help her, get her needs met and fulfilled. If she needs something, you know, you need to be there for many, many people enjoy doing good things for other people and serving people and helping people. And those who are the closest to you deserve most of your attention and the best of your three

00:42:07--> 00:42:18

children demanding she has a while. Well, we say that. Now. That's when you go, like seek counseling or some kind of guidance. And so how, by the way, I used to go

00:42:19--> 00:42:23

to their personal problems in the process, and then we'll settle with

00:42:24--> 00:42:30

whatever is reasonable, okay. You don't ask for too much, except this much, even his own wives

00:42:31--> 00:42:35

kept demanding from him kept demanding. Until one day the prosecutor said I can't take it.

00:42:37--> 00:42:47

When you married me, when I married the process of him, his life is very transparent. You knew what my life is all about. And chose, you know, it was mutual. Nobody

00:42:49--> 00:43:07

said that said I'm not going to talk. And he actually goes out to speak to his wives for anyway, the point here is that they were later given the option Do you want to be with the process of life? Or do you want to continue to demand some of those materials and other things, because if you're interested in that, the processor will give you as much as you want.

00:43:09--> 00:43:11

Put as much in control

00:43:15--> 00:43:18

I'll give you all you will be the richest woman

00:43:19--> 00:43:25

will leave you because my lifestyle is not that it's not about doing the biggest house

00:43:26--> 00:43:35

but I will give you a fulfill the bare minimum. And then when they were given the choice whether they choose will they love because they're wise because because of it.

00:43:37--> 00:43:44

course you know sometimes it gets to the nature. But when it comes to choosing between the partner and of course

00:43:46--> 00:43:47

even when he's

00:43:48--> 00:43:51

gone and consultant parents she said

00:43:53--> 00:43:57

How could I grew up my parents have been staying with you. Of course, I would want

00:43:59--> 00:44:03

to finally the scene was the game was sealed and they were told that

00:44:04--> 00:44:09

you can get out of it nor the processor can get out this permanent

00:44:10--> 00:44:10

line

00:44:14--> 00:44:22

that actually the professor was told that you cannot divorce them you cannot leave them nor you can replace them with other women. These are your rights and this life

00:44:23--> 00:44:25

and no one is to marry the wife of a prophet.

00:44:27--> 00:44:30

So it was it was set and the relationship was permanent.

00:44:32--> 00:44:33

But however, they will give the choice.

00:44:35--> 00:44:36

Okay.

00:44:39--> 00:44:44

And that's why and I tell you most in most disputes of House has to be different, what is what is reasonable.

00:44:46--> 00:44:56

And I tell you the problems occur when people don't when people are not receiving when people actually just totally become

00:44:59--> 00:44:59

the cause.

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

The irrational they become,

00:45:04--> 00:45:16

for example, you know, sometimes the wife might be just demanding some attention, and she has every right to ask for some attention. And the guy is busy, you know, what do you think? I'm doing all this? Why am I doing all this work?

00:45:17--> 00:45:26

It makes no sense when the person claims that he's doing all of this for her, and for her kids. And she doesn't feel right. If she doesn't feel good about it.

00:45:28--> 00:45:35

It is not what you think is good enough. It is what the other person perceives, and feels to be good enough.

00:45:37--> 00:45:59

Right, so one has to fulfill the needs of the other person. I will give you an example. emotional needs. Usually there's a big dispute based on emotion. And in many relationships, what happens is people don't complain or relationship don't fall apart. Because one of the needs are not met. No, what happens is things build up. And then finally, there's that straw that breaks the back of the counter.

00:46:01--> 00:46:01

Right?

00:46:02--> 00:46:08

People just don't divorce over because he forgot to buy from a cinnamon bakery.

00:46:09--> 00:46:10

You know, that night and he came home and he would

00:46:12--> 00:46:27

build up? And then finally, after this, there's one little thing that basically does it. Right. So one has to watch and make sure that all these needs are met and fulfilled. Where do we find the evidence for this course?

00:46:28--> 00:46:29

The proxy,

00:46:30--> 00:46:58

listen to this, the Messenger of Allah. Well, there was one time on a story, there was one time where couples came to me and they said, Oh, we have all kinds of problems because of miscommunication. So I realize that those two have me what they need some, some intimate some private time together, they need to get away from the obligations of life, their kids are old enough to take care of themselves, they need some time for themselves. But both are busy.

00:46:59--> 00:47:05

And usually, when people do this as a sad reality, each one of them is missing the other one, but

00:47:06--> 00:47:16

ego is there and they don't know how to communicate and how to basically bring that missing spark back. And so I said, Why don't you take a trip together, and we might be able to bond

00:47:18--> 00:47:22

or do something together, Oh, brother could be able to offer this

00:47:24--> 00:47:28

to Oprah. You're not older or wiser

00:47:29--> 00:47:31

than the Prophet. Some of it was,

00:47:32--> 00:47:37

I tell you, I realized that there is a need for it. There is a need for you to take some time off and go and

00:47:39--> 00:47:44

do some gardening together. If you don't want to go all the way to Wicca to do it, okay, go to Arizona.

00:47:45--> 00:48:02

Because one of those resorts just spent some time together, talking about positive things. And this is a natural human need. The Prophet alayhi salatu salam was out with an army, an expedition, then they were coming back to Medina, all the way to Medina, the prophet happened to have

00:48:04--> 00:48:10

an accent as young as he has an age. And he's the Messenger of Allah. So the purpose of the lesson realizing that

00:48:11--> 00:48:19

the guys needed some kind of action, he told the whole army to to address he said, Marshal, your leaders. So they left them alone.

00:48:21--> 00:48:30

No Secret Service, no protection. Hello. And then the processing sector actually, it would be like to race me. What race? Would you like to

00:48:37--> 00:48:48

say? Yeah, of course, you get so excited about and first start from here from wherever that tree. So they started running and running. And then she was or should we say what the customer let's let's.

00:48:49--> 00:49:04

So she went back. And she's like, so excited about this, she'd be the prompts on the line, to phrase it was a good was a good exercise for them to bond and to have fun. So they have their fun when they when they call them.

00:49:05--> 00:49:20

After a while. The process of it happening again, that actually was with him on a trip after years and promises from kept track of it. He kept track of it. So when this second opportunity came to the Prophet, he did the same thing. He told the whole army commercial.

00:49:22--> 00:49:26

And then he said actually we like to increase after she said this.

00:49:27--> 00:49:28

But this time,

00:49:30--> 00:49:34

he makes sure that he wins. And she says, Well, she's explanation she said,

00:49:35--> 00:49:44

she said that I gained some weight, because I gained some weight he was able to be and then when they finish and then she caught up with him and he was ahead of her. He looks at her and he said

00:49:46--> 00:49:47

this is the pinnacle.

00:49:49--> 00:49:54

This is like I said, you know older than the popsicle wiser, and how old was he that

00:49:55--> 00:49:58

he was close to 60 when this happened

00:49:59--> 00:49:59

he was in his late

00:50:00--> 00:50:00

To

00:50:02--> 00:50:11

another student, he says, If any man thinks that he is more honorable, or more mature, or he is more dignified

00:50:13--> 00:50:36

than the pubs and bars, nobody, of course will say that, but some people should, you know, they will act like, they'll say, Oh, no, this is not, this is not manly, this will not right for me, if it's right for the proselytizers, right for you. And if there is a need for you to do it, you should do it, you should have no problem doing it. Now, the question that didn't necessarily do a foot race or something like this with

00:50:37--> 00:50:40

someone like cinema, for example, was 16 was older that

00:50:41--> 00:51:13

did not have that kind of neat, almost cinema was the type that would have like, maybe intellectual, he wanted to feel. She had wisdom, she was a mature woman, mature lady that maybe wanted to feel that she's part of the decision making. So the relationship between the proxy about the nature of the relationship between the animal is different from the nature of the relationship between the prophet and Apogee. But what is the common factor for proxies and them having that flexibility to relate to each one at her level? So the senator, for example,

00:51:14--> 00:51:56

after the suffering today, via the proximal body in the seventh house is a habit to do something, and they did not respond. So when he went home, he went and pretty much vented, you know, and he shared with cinema will have a waiting for some kind of recommendation number seven, said Dr. sama, go out, don't talk to them, shave your head, bring your animals with sacrificer. And when they see that you're doing this, they will know that this is the matter has been settled, and they will follow you what a wise advice it was. Because the process I've said did exactly the same. He didn't say oh, what do you do? Just listen. He accepted her advice. He went did it. And it worked. It was

00:51:56--> 00:52:07

so when you examine that relationship with the process, and with his wife, he dealt with each one of her level fulfilling her needs the most critical the most needed over neath

00:52:09--> 00:52:12

needless to say, of course, that there is a need.

00:52:15--> 00:52:15

of,

00:52:17--> 00:52:21

of intimacy, there's a need for for spending some some time

00:52:22--> 00:52:23

together.

00:52:24--> 00:52:26

And of course, the scholars of Islam debate

00:52:28--> 00:52:29

How much?

00:52:31--> 00:52:34

How much does a person have how much is enough.

00:52:35--> 00:52:39

So of course, you have people that hasn't seen once, once a month,

00:52:41--> 00:52:44

the man has to spend at least one night a month with his

00:52:45--> 00:52:46

obligate.

00:52:47--> 00:53:02

There are other scholars who say no, once every four nights, and each one of them have their day, the majority of us can say one thing, and there are others. And this seems to be the correct opinion, as much as game.

00:53:04--> 00:53:26

Because we are obligated, there's this mutual obligation towards fulfilling as I said, all of these emotions, so the person has to do enough to fulfill the needs of the other person. And if the person and the other person is demanding more than they can, they can deliver, there's always they can see cows waiting, and they can communicate and talk about it. And finally, reach a settlement

00:53:28--> 00:53:40

reach a solution. And of course, if there is no solution, no settlement, there is always a way out. But nobody is supposed to be in a relationship where their needs are not fulfilled. And they're really suffering because of that.

00:53:41--> 00:53:42

Right? That's why

00:53:44--> 00:53:46

she came? And she said, Yes, indeed.

00:53:48--> 00:54:25

I don't want to be in a relationship where I might violate the rights of my husband. And I cannot stand this anymore. So the problem is, I will try to reconsider a career that didn't work out. So there's always a way out. But before that happens, one has to seek to seek what the solution there is a middle ground where we can do so there was this incident where a woman came to a woman. And with this, we conclude the rights of women, we might want to talk about the rights of the husband, maybe next week because we're out of time. I knew that we needed more than one session, but a woman came to me with a woman and she said to her zodia

00:54:28--> 00:54:30

my husband prays all night long

00:54:31--> 00:54:32

as

00:54:33--> 00:54:33

a guy that

00:54:36--> 00:54:42

you know he's praiseworthy, you know, you should you should let us know who he is so we can honor him.

00:54:44--> 00:54:45

So she went and then she came back.

00:54:49--> 00:54:52

And then she came back a third time and she made a poetry.

00:54:54--> 00:54:59

She said in her poetry. Part of it as we got rid of all of it, but she said things like

00:55:03--> 00:55:09

If any of you watching message you do know how who my opponent was.

00:55:11--> 00:55:13

But he is so preoccupied with his message.

00:55:18--> 00:55:21

Okay, now what's coming in the car?

00:55:24--> 00:55:28

She's not necessarily praising her husband, she's complaining about her.

00:55:30--> 00:55:44

She's afraid that she's, she's saying that her knees are not fulfilled. So I'm upset. Well, since you're the one that figured it out, you're the one to settle this into. So what he did is he sent his son the map he subpoenaed.

00:55:45--> 00:55:47

So they brought him from the corner.

00:55:49--> 00:55:53

They brought, what is your wife's complaint?

00:55:54--> 00:55:58

So he sort of started responding in a poetry he said.

00:56:04--> 00:56:19

He said, Well, what distracted me from you know, being with her is what the last month I would have been able to sort of all these scary verses and the hereafter and thinking about death. I'm so preoccupied with it, that I don't have any desire for anything.

00:56:20--> 00:56:22

So I told him, listen,

00:56:23--> 00:56:24

Stop the nonsense.

00:56:25--> 00:56:26

Pretty much he said that.

00:56:29--> 00:56:49

He said, You are obligated if you want to stay in this relationship. And if you want to stay married, you're obligated. He actually ruled. He said, You have to spend with her, you have to give her one night out of formats. One out of four nights, you have to give it to him, you have to basically spend it with her the way she likes.

00:56:51--> 00:56:53

And then the other three nights you want to spend in the message he was.

00:56:55--> 00:57:00

Someone said, Wait a minute, how can you come to this conclusion? He said, Well, what was your

00:57:03--> 00:57:13

commander in the believers? I assume he said, Islam gave him the right to marry for women. So if he had to open, he would have been obligated to what?

00:57:14--> 00:57:29

One hour, four nights, one hour, four nights. Because he can't have more than that. Right? That means that each one has one one day. So I assume that the three R's are for him, right and whatnot.

00:57:30--> 00:57:50

And that's why a lot of the stuff is actually based on this particular incident, this this ruling, they say, yeah, the last update, and we're talking about talking about why you have to spend one night with his wife out of words, of course, the most sound opinion out of them, when it comes to

00:57:51--> 00:57:52

the scenes.

00:57:53--> 00:57:57

We can't say, for example, if someone says,

00:57:58--> 00:58:00

Now I can work on my thesis,

00:58:03--> 00:58:05

you know, when they think of race, because that's

00:58:07--> 00:58:16

what what it depends upon the situation of the individual and the couple and the knees, the knees have to be fulfilled, this is the Bible. So these are how many rights

00:58:20--> 00:58:21

Mexico

00:58:22--> 00:58:27

good treatment, these are three of the main rights a woman has.

00:58:28--> 00:59:01

Now of course, part of the treatment, by the way, is remember what I said, spiritual fulfillment, the fulfillment of her spiritual needs. helping her with her Deen is one of the most critical and most important rights that a woman has. And one has to do enough to help her fulfill their need. Of course, needless to say, educational or intellectual. fulfilment is also one of the applications but it's all these four applications for either the third obligation which is

00:59:02--> 00:59:05

good treatment. Cool. So any questions?