The Prophet and Women

Mohammed Faqih

Channel: Mohammed Faqih

Topics: Women

Episode Notes

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Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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This session

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is about what women need,

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which is something that I have finally been able to figure out.

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And I know that this and I'm assuming that I can't see anything, but I'm assuming that this side of the audience, or the brothers or the brothers are here, can you make some noise?

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That's the noise. You may

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No wonder the sisters. Yeah, they are not. Okay, anyways.

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Alright, so

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I'm sure that we're all trying to figure out what it is that women want. Exactly. Right.

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In fact, there are studies, and this is a real study, unlike the study that commandment he was talking about, there are studies that suggest that most men, most men try to understand women.

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But they fail in doing so. So they try, they make the attempt, but they fail. And the conclusion is what every man thinks women are too complicated.

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They can't make up their mind. I don't even know what she wants. When I'm tough. She's not happy. When I'm soft. I'm too soft. So she always she's always complaining. So I can't figure it out.

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And I guess one of the reasons they picked me or they picked this topic, because I didn't pick the topic, by the way, that topic picked me. Right? One of the reasons I picked this topic for me, I guess, is perhaps because I was able to finally figure it out. Right? And also, I think I qualify because I have a mother and I have six sisters. So seven women raised me. I'm the youngest of all of my siblings, right.

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And I'm married, and I have a daughter.

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And I have a large number of aunts.

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And cousins, I've been dealing with women all my life.

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And I can't wait to go to gender.

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So

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So what do women want? What do they need? And how can we learn? From our great example? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what women want or need?

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His

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sisters? Can you tell me?

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What do they want?

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What kind of a man are they looking for?

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Okay, can you just leave aside all the cliches

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and find the cliches that's fine. You can put it on your Facebook, but for now, what is it that you really want?

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Okay, how about a hero?

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We all know that women love heroes they want to hear,

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right? They want their man to be a hero. They want their fathers to be their heroes. They're looking for a real man. Someone with leadership qualities who is our hero,

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Mohammed Abdullah Salalah he was setting them, we can learn from him.

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Let us be inspired by his example. Let's look at his lap. How did he treat women? How did he deal with them? How did he manifest real manhood or fatherhood and leadership?

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What kind of a hero was he? How did he treat women?

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And I can tell you that I'm sure that you've heard about the triple A's right? The triple A's that women need like some of the things that the sister said affection.

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Attention. Right?

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Understanding does not start with a

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appreciation. accessories.

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Once with a woman and accessories By the way, right? Here's a tip for you brothers. Whenever you go to shop for bedding, bedding set. Look for a set that has everything right? Because you're gonna go for the cheap one right? That is just like the Comforter and couple of you know Shams or whatever they call him. Right? And then your wife is gonna come and give you that look and say I want the accessories. And that's where Matt bedding manufacturer is here is a little secret because I used to deal with them betting manufacturers that's where they make their money. They make a killing the valances and the little you know, thing for the lights, the whatever it is and all

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The little accessories, but you have to get the accessory so get the one that has everything together.

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So anyways, the three A's are attention,

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affection and appreciation.

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Right? That's what every woman needs. That's what every woman deserves by the left, especially our women. May Allah Subhana Allah bless them. And also that's what the children need. Right? So do we find any? Do we find in the life of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam do we find the example of those things? Has a prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam fulfill that we Abby who me the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has done that, because some of us have this, this twisted

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understanding of real manhood. You know, I learned the hard way. I used to think manhood meant, you know, that you'll ever do everything. You have the final say,

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you have the first and the final say, right. And you don't do anything at all right? And that whatever you say, has to take place.

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And all these other things that we picked from our cultures, and we forgot,

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but the teachings

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and the practice of our glorious Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So how did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam deal

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with the woman and his aura of his life? When we when it comes to affection, no one was more affectionate than the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam expressed affection, both verbally and physically.

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In fact, there are even those sentimental things that that many of us, many of our brothers look down upon. In fact, when we read them, sometimes we laugh or we say Mashallah, nice. And that's it, but you have to do them. How about practicing the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. First of all, brothers and sisters, love.

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Love

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does not mean anything if it's not expressed.

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And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches us that in the story, when I'm moving around some of the Allahu anhu asked the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam met, I have Vanessa Lake, who is the most beloved person, who do you love the most? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, honestly

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and innocently? And, you know, with full confidence.

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He said,

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Isha

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everyone was able to hear he actually mentioned her name in public. Because we have some brothers who don't like to mention the name of their wives in public, like it's out of

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the name.

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Or if they have to mention their name, right? Their

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name is Mohammed.

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Omar, I know but what's her actual name? Because you know, for, right, so the Prophet said he, he said almost a year of Allah.

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It wasn't that what I was asking about. Right? He was asking about who is the most beloved person from amongst the men? And the Prophet said?

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Her father, well, the Allahu Allah. So the Prophet sallallahu Sallam expressed his love and his affection. Imagine if that's what he told a man a stranger when he asked him, do you think the Prophet sallallahu is I mean, I know that this is something that many, you know, all women want to know whether their husbands really care about them, you know, do you really love me, please? He's like, Of course I do. I mean, why would I do all these things? If I didn't love you, like, Can you say it is like, I don't feel like saying it's very hard. Please say please, please, please. And then he will say like, Oh, my God, I love you for the sake of Allah.

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They want to hear it. Right. So the Prophet was was, was comfortable sharing that

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with in public. So do you think the proxy online is had hard time saying it in private law?

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In fact, the prophets all along, why don't you send them used to do things to show to show

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Khadija and to show our issue and the rest of his wives that he actually cared for them? And that he loved them? And I just saw that too, sir. Right. Which brings me to the second

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form of expressing love, right. The second a,

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besides affection, attention, the proximal lines and and paid Attention, attention to their feelings, and their attention to the little details that we very often overlook. And we don't care about right in the story, everybody

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Dino's write the story where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told Ayesha I indeed know when you are happy when you're pleased with me and when you're not pleased with me. She said, How come

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when you were pleased with me? You say, Mohammed,

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you make an oath and he swear by the Lord of Mohammed.

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Interesting.

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And when you're not, you swear by the Lord of Ibrahim.

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You say, Well, Abraham,

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so of course beautiful Mashallah, and all of that, and we know what how she responded to him. But what does this tell you? What did the Prophet sallallahu Sallam do?

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He paid attention.

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He paid attention he noticed a pattern. That means the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was interested. He was listening to what she was saying. He paid attention. La salatu salam

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appreciation.

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We know the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam appreciated his wife and he appreciated Khadija probably Allahu Allah the Most.

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Right? And we know how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to mention her and remember so much so that I shot all day long and he was jealous.

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And one time he said something that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam didn't like about about Khadija. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came to the defense of his wife, who had passed away years before that incident. And he defended her and he reminded

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of what Khadija I don't want to say what Khadija meant to him, but what Khadija means

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he reminded her of what she continues to mean to him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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That is how the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam appreciated his wife.

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And he showed that appreciation and he was very comfortable. How did the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam actually engages wise, we know that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to embrace them physically.

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Right.

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And he used to do that when he is on his way out to Salah or if he's leaving, not only when he wanted something, or when he was hoping that it will lead to something.

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But as a simple gesture of appreciation, and love and affection, he would give Ayesha a kiss before he leaves. And when he comes home Salalah honey, listen.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we were told, and this is something that I am struggling with, by the way, because I don't want you to think that I'm standing here telling you all of these things, and I'm the best husband in the world. I am not. And you can ask. Well, don't ask please.

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But it's something that I'm struggling with something that I'm learning, right? And the more comfortable you become

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with it,

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especially through the inspiration that we get from the Prophet from learning about the tradition of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the better person you become, and the better your marriage gets. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam when he was when the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was were asked about how the Prophet from the law SLM, conducted himself at home.

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The Prophet didn't sit all day, on his iPad, or on Twitter, right? tweeting things that are happening on a Jazeera that everybody knows about.

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Right? Or like renewing or updating his Facebook status.

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Right, letting people know what he or she would see on CNN, right, or Adobe, or any of these things. Everybody knows these things. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has actually said Can a Kudo female una de la,

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kinda Kunal female, okay, Allah He used to get busy helping the members of his household, he made a use

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a good use of his time, he would help them now did the prophet SAW a lot of this and do this all the time.

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Right? Did he do that all the time? And if there were times where the Prophet would rest, right, you didn't do this all the time. But the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam whenever his help was needed, he was there.

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You see, I know for sure, like any decent

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believing woman,

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right? our wives don't want us to be there next to them. 24 seven.

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let you in on a little secret brothers. They don't always want us to be there. They like to get a break and have their personal space.

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But when they need us, they would like us to be there.

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And if you're there only when you're needed, right?

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That will count. And it will feel to them as if you're there all the time.

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So the Prophet was not sitting there 24 seven just

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but whenever they needed him some A lot of you and send them before they even asked, he would take the initiative and help someone love it. And I have cases I've been dealing with, with marital issues of other people, of course, not as an email since 1996.

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Right? And I've seen it all heard it. Oh. Now, there are cases where I'm like, Hello, what is happening? What is going through the mind of this person sitting while his wife is vacuuming?

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She's trying to calm down a crying baby. And the guy sitting watching a football game. So Pamela yakka recorded on the DVR, and watch it later help. Right. And I've seen I've seen sisters carrying loads of grocery and the husband is walking. Yeah, so Pamela, what happened to manhood? What happened to chivalry? chivalry? What happened to the life of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam.

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And then we wonder what is you know, what, what, what, what went wrong with our own or with our community?

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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was so compassionate. La Salatu. Salam, right. And he was so sensitive.

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That

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you know, one of those stories is, you know, that I find to be very, very happy. We'll talk about

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romance

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in a little romantic things. Right? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was observed.

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And obviously, his even his private life was was something that was shared with the public was was seen la salatu salam kneeling down.

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Right?

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For his wife, Sophia, because she was petite, so that she would be able to get on the back of a camel. And in salatu salam.

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And we have people who refuse to open the door for their pregnant wise, like keyless entry. Did

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you get it figured out? Why?

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It does not diminish, it does not take away from your manhood.

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It doesn't take away from your manhood. In fact, if you do it, and you seek or you are hoping for the reward of a loss or a loss of habitat, not only will he reward you, but He will bless your marriage. And this is something that we all need. Now. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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did not have

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I don't want to get myself in trouble by saying this.

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He didn't have a perfect marriage.

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I mean,

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no such thing exists. Did he have issues with his wife? Yes. They have conflict, their disagreement, misunderstanding. They're human beings in them and

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what did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam do when he had issues with his wife?

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One thing that we know about our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not live in denial.

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And he was humble Sall Allahu Allah USL. He didn't say I'm Rasulullah. Whatever I do is correct. They need to work on it. It's their problem. It's not my problem.

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Right? He would apologize. He will seek forgiveness, some of it was from his wife. And if there is a misunderstanding, and they cannot reach an agreement, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sought counseling.

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I'm not making this stuff up. Now, I'm not talking about the counseling of Jabri. Right. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in that famous study recorded in the sermon.

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He told me

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one time he had they had a little conflict. So he said they are actually mentored by a newer beta key.

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You choose who would you like to mediate between me and you? Can you imagine this?

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And he didn't say I'm gonna assume or listen to me. I have a final segment segment held by Anna, who would you like to mediate? We'll go seek counseling. bring in someone in between to help us

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figure this up Rasulullah

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we have a handle on our communities we have now a lot of people specializing in family counseling. One of the most common complaints is that people don't want to go and seek professional help whenever they have problems in their marriages.

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And in most cases, they only attend to their marriage, when things pretty much reach a breaking point.

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After the meltdown

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after a breakdown, and in many cases, it is too late.

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I was just told that the divorce rate right now is 66%. In America,

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and in our community is in the rice.

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It used to be 330 3%. Right. And recently, I was told that it's way above 40%. And my personal assumption is that it is about 50%. This is my personal assumption, nothing scientific, you know, just simply by observation.

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And some had Allah,

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you know,

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dealing with many of those cases.

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I don't understand why people, you know, have to even consider divorce, because they're, in fact, some of those problems are so common, even the prophets, Allah, they sort of had these issues.

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And divorce is not the answer. And I have never seen people who saw divorce when they didn't have to

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write as a solution because divorce is not a solution. Right? And we're happy or successful afterwards.

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So the Prophet sallallaahu, Allison said mentor, Lena, who do you want to mediate?

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Omar? He suggested, what do you think of Mr.

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Right? photo? She said, No, no, no, no, no.

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No.

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She said he is harsh. At No, no, I don't want to talk to her. What?

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No, he's like, fabok, about her death.

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Right? She's like, Okay, that's good. Her death. He brought in her dad to mediate some of our audience. And so they invited a worker, a worker came. So the Prophet said to her Ayesha, that they can let me know.

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said, Would you like to start first? Would you like to talk or do you want me to talk?

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The Prophet is asking here. Would you like to? He didn't say, Listen, you be quiet. I'll explain everything. And Rasulullah?

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No, he said, Would you like to talk to me first, Sir, she said Belka? qlm What a couple in the happen.

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Oh,

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you know what she said?

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She said, You speak. You say whatever you want to say. But make sure that you speak the truth.

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That was a big mistake.

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That was wrong choice of words.

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Because guess what happened?

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Abu Bakar was upset.

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And he was her father. She's his daughter. And worker raised his hand and he was about to slap

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because he was upset. How could you say to the Prophet, don't speak accept the truth. He's a pseudo law that was not appropriate. and cultural. So what happened to her as she was frightened? And she immediately hid behind the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam. She grabbed onto the prophecy, like protect me No, no, in the province of melodics. And I'm stopped in the way and I will back up couldn't do anything. And he was so upset. There was nothing I wanted to do at that moment, except beat.

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But but the profit is in the way. And and you might want to leave now. Okay, well, I'll take care of this.

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So as soon as the worker left the profit turn to action, he said, so what do you think I protected you from the men right?

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Watching back? She said, No, not yet. He's like, he tried to grab her head. She said no, not yet. And the promise of them kept trying until she, she they made up.

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So we had heard about that. And he said, he came back. And he said, actually, Kenny, he said me coma coma, shocked, shocked to manaphy

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if you had to be coma, is it just like you were you made me part of your conflict. Now I want to be part of your peace.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam sought counseling, because he understood the value of family and the value of marriage. And he understood very well. La salatu salam and new and he wanted to teach us

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marriage and family values as well.

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And the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, the mercy he was

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he extended that

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To all of his wives,

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he extended that to the female members of his household,

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including his female cousins. He extended that to his daughters and two children, be it male or female.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to the Sahaba, that the best of you.

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And the closest to me, are the best in terms of their manners. And the best of you in terms of their manners are those who are the best to their women. What are the high eurocom Leanna?

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In another rewire how eurocom hydrocone. set him.

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So if you want to know whether you're a good man or not, you want to get the testimony of the female members of your household. Look at it from their perspective.

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Let them know let them tell you how they feel about you. And you are whatever they perceive you to be the Prophet alayhi salatu salam.

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And, again, we need to be, we need to be humble enough to understand this and relate to it. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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I said that the Prophet used to stand up for Fatima, his daughter whenever she came, and he would imagine the Prophet is her father is profitable, la sallallahu alayhi Salat is a lot older, right? But the prophet himself would would would humble himself sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, get up, embrace Fatima and walk her back to where he was sitting and have her sit there physically. And he used to pay attention to little children, his grandchildren, his own children, his grandchildren,

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and show affection to them in private and in public. So um, I saw that one time he's sitting with a delegation from Ben O'Hara from Belo hanifa. And from benoot me the delegations he's sitting with them, you know, this is business meeting, the prophet is sitting at a sort of setup with him. And then either a little child comes or he was brought one of his, either his son Ibrahim, or I think there is another rewire about his grandson, little baby, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam kisses him plays with him to kills him, you know, smells him and all of that. And he hugs him and shows affection in the presence of these men.

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And then he's got

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a lot probably have a service. So Dr. Salama.

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You're showing affection a kissing little children, little boys, is he didn't think that was manly, because you have to show that you're tough, Ruffin.

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He said in a short, 10 minute what he said I have 10 children 10 cents, I had never kissed or express affection to any one of them. Ever. The Prophet said, Emily,

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what can I do for you? And Allah has deprived you from affection and from compassion. You're the loser in this case.

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Right.

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Let me just conclude brothers and sisters.

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By saying that our wives, our children, especially the females member, the weakest members of our households, and our communities deserve the best of our treatment.

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And they deserve our utmost respect.

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And it's only those

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who honor them who are honorable,

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the most disrespected.

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Unfortunately, the most disrespected women

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are the Muslim,

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the least appreciate.

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The society does not appreciate them.

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And they have hard time. And unfortunately, when they go home, they're not appreciated, and they're not respected and that has to change and the status of our community. The state of our own will not change until we change that. You know, and she has a heavy Lola was showing the dishes that he can cook. I was so jealous. Fact deep inside I was like, Oh, yeah, you're right. You made all these things. Yeah, you cook them. Yeah, whatever. You just took pictures of it. And then I was even telling this you next to me she has a party and

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check out the body

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saying No way. But the question is, are these editable? We don't even know if they're editable. Right? Like, you know, come on, you know, until that picture of his son. I believe it was Ibrahim, you know, with, you know, it was about to take a bite. I was like, okay, they're edible.

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This guy can cook. He can do what I can't do. Alright, so I gotta learn how to cook.

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Nothing.

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wrong with that.

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Nothing wrong with that. In fact, something noble

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in the wives of the Prophet indicated that the Prophet used to take care of his own affairs.

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He used to take care of his own affairs, he was not a burden on anyone else. The other day I was, I went to visit a very prominent member of our community. He's 76 year old, and I'm sitting there with with one of the shoe

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and he got up, he can barely walk, he got up and he moved, he came. And then he picked guava from guava basket that was in front of me. He picked one and he went back and he sat down. So I said,

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may Allah preserve you, you could have just asked me.

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You know, I could have said no.

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I like to pick it myself. And he didn't want to, to

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get independence to this level. There is nothing more liberating

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than being independent, being able to make your own food, any profits, the profits on alarm, I do seven praise profit Deadwood, for being able for being an example for one who used to make his own food and not rely on other people. And I'm not saying also says now go home and say, Okay, you go get the recipe from chefs and bridges, and cook your own food, no, may Allah, you know, reward you. And may Allah bless you for what you're doing is sadaqa. Right. But that has to be reciprocated brothers, and it has to be appreciated.

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Statistics show that 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes,

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fatherless homes.

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90% of homeless and runaway

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children are from fatherless homes.

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85% of children who have who exhibit some kind of behavioral disorder, fatherless home, and the irony is that the Father may be present.

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But he's not present as a father. In most of these cases, he is present as a male or not even a male. You know, there's a difference between being a father and being a male.

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And our example is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for a healthy relationship. for Healthy Families, healthy children. We have to follow the example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and learn from him. I urge you, brothers and sisters, and I urge you both brothers and sisters. The sisters may say Oh, wasn't this lecture all for the brother? No, no. Because I tell you, those brothers came from a household. Each one of those brothers all of us came from We are the products of how our mother's raises.

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I can tell you and hamdulillah my mom did a wonderful job as you can see.

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Right? But there are some some cultural,

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there is this cultural baggage. There are some cultural and

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teachings that are not healthy at all.

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Yeah, when you when you kick your son out of the kitchen, and you say, Oh, you can't be in the kitchen, you're a boy. You're not going to have a beard. If you continue to. By the way, I used to have a great conflict about that.

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I had a complex about not having a beard because I'm around the kitchen too long. Now used to think you know, how is it that you're not going to grow a beard, if you're in the kitchen, what happens maybe the fume from the food comes in, I didn't know.

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This is not what we're taught, by our example the Prophet salaallah halogen, so sisters, you have to do a better job in raising a generation of heroes, real men following the example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Men who are strong men who are affectionate

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men who know their duties, and fulfill them.

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And brothers, we need to work on ourselves. There is nothing wrong. We were never too old Amaro The longer I know how to change some of his behavior. And he had to change aspects of his personality. And he was very old, and was refined by the example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And he's inspired by the example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Rama, who, according to some narrations buried his daughter alive. Our mother who used to hit women if they ever challenged him, right,

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was observed later, after he learned from the example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam showing compassion

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respect for women and humbling himself, but only Allahu Allahu Allah. All was inspired by the example for a noble prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when we asked Allah azza wa jal to bestow His peace and blessings upon lama sundiata adekola surely can they be me? Mohammed bin Abdullah, who Allah Allah He was was he with reality cannot select la Brahimi Ebrahim America Ramadan avocado, silicon the below me while he was working with react he conducted Ebrahimi Rahim, Allah mahina and as soon as he was Illuminati,

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de sola, Hamada, Muhammad Ali