Caring For The Elderly

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Mohammed Faqih

Channel: Mohammed Faqih

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mid level for them Melinda Holly live in

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La Jolla, Sheree Cara shadow Anna Mohammedan.

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Tonight I want to I want to talk about caring, and it's not caring for the elders. Right and the importance of it. And of course, I'm not just we're not talking about it from

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a mouth medical point of view, we made it to a show to talk about that we haven't in the past, we talked about it, we can inshallah, still talk about it in the future, and there is a need for it. But it is, there's an estimated number of six,

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we have a lot, a lot of people aging, the life expectancy has increased, you know, in the past, actually, it has been increasing in the past, I think 50 or more years. Right now, it's stands at 78.8 here in the United States of America,

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with the advancement of you know, healthcare,

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the healthcare industry, and perhaps maybe for other only loss of how the data knows,

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but some agencies estimate that by 2050 600 billion to 2 billion people will be

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we'll be will, will because, you know, senior citizen or senior,

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you know, so the population of seniors globally is going to, to increase.

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And

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it is also expected that at some point,

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people who are above 60.

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Right, will outnumber us that are under 15.

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And they're saying that this will be the first time in history

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right. So,

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so, in spite of the fact that you know,

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elderly people, you know, have

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you know, they may have resources or they may have,

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you know, planned for themselves for retirement or for

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we must address the issue, that that right now is becoming very common in many places that the elders are not being taken care of properly. That's number one. Number two, it is part and parcel of our teachings, the teachings of our religion, to respect the elders, right, the elderly people, and especially our parents, so I'm going to be talking about both both of them. Now. It is indeed of the

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science signs of a loss of Hannah Montana. It is one of these natural laws and laws we get a sore throat when it says that Allah is the one that created you Allah Allahu alayhi, WA Camille Lafayette

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Lafayette, so much for watching God for sure you back, yo loco Masha.

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So he says subhana wa tada that he's the one that created us. He's telling us that Allah is the one that who created us from weakness, we have something very weak, helpless. Right? And then he calls this weak, helpless being to evolve and gain strength. So after this week, and that's a loss of Chanukah, cause this being to gain some strength and independence and be on its own right, I mean, relatively speaking, be on its own and be strong and not only that, maybe be in a position right.

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Where you know, this being can take care of someone else and other people that Allah subhanaw taala says sets. So measure them in bad shape and then after that, it goes back to the original state, Allah subhanaw taala says after that strength, right the there will be a weakness

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there will be a weakness and in old age or and white hair right. So, the features are going to change people age, right, you know, the strength is going to weaken or be less, it will diminish the individual strength, the individual capacity physical and in some cases, even you know the mental capacity and even the emotional, the strength of the individual is going to suffer

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in old age, this is just from, and the only one that this doesn't apply to the loss of Hannibal with that,

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all right. And Rasulullah sallallahu you say you seek refuge in Allah azza wa jal from reaching

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an old age where the person becomes where the person hits, you know, rock bottom where the person becomes dependent on other people out of their little secret video must have heard from them.

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Nonetheless, it's happening all around us. We have parents, we have, you know, relatives.

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And we see people around us and in our community, now we're starting a community.

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People that that built people that found it, people that taught us people that served us for so many years, we see them getting to this to this stage. And I feel like there is a lot that needs to be done, that is not being done. Right. And perhaps one of the problems is that we do not understand that this is not just an optional thing.

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This doesn't depend on how you feel about it or your own personal You know, there is there you know, it's

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it's a it's part of that of the teachings are the foundation of our moral system in Islam. Right. Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was reported to have said,

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in lemonade vallila part of showing respect and honoring a loss of handwritten part of showing respect to a loss to

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a Chroma this Shakeel Muslim,

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to honor the elderly, who whose hair is turning gray or turn gray a crumb to honor someone with gray hair.

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To honor the elderly is part of showing respect to a loss of habitat.

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To honor the elderly Muslim, part of showing respect, this is someone who has been worshipping Allah subhanaw taala, longer than I have

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someone who's perhaps closer to Allah subhanho wa, taala than I am, right.

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I mean, generally speaking in Islam advocates for the weak or the less fortunate, or those who are at a disadvantage, whether it's, you know, in any way, whether it's mentally or physically, right, financially, some advocates for them, right, one of these categories are the elderly.

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And it should be done. Look, it doesn't say, I mean, it's, it's part of it, but here are the promises of carefully is, you know, uses the word honor.

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not feel like you know, be like Have pity or, you know, feel sorry for it, no, no, honor them. This is somebody that deserves to be honored at this point,

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you know, for their accomplishments for their deeds for what they have done for you. So this person, and honoring them is part of showing respect to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Of course, the provenance of the missions to other categories says, and the person who carries the Quran and does not violate it, the person who's even if that person is a little, a little child, honoring them as part of, you know, showing respect to Allah subhana wa, tada, and also someone who is in charge someone that authority, someone that has authority, and is just, they're doing their best, right? So by the way, you know, and whatever that authority is, right? So by the way, people, when people have authority,

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if they're not respected, if they're not, if we don't pay enough respect to them, and you know, then that's gonna lead to chaos and anarchy, this idea that you have to always have hatred and resentment towards anyone who's in charge is not from the teachings of Islam.

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If anything, that person is sacrificing that person is putting themselves on the line, that person is in the service of the people, and that person needs to be assisted, you make dua for them, you you advise them, even when you challenge them, you're not challenging their authority, you're challenging their decisions, or it is for their own sake, and for the general welfare of the community. It shouldn't be for personal reasons. I don't like this guy. This why because I don't like how he looks or how he dresses

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or where he's from, doesn't work like that. Yeah, someone who was put in charge, someone that we put in charge has to be respected

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and honored.

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So long, they're being just so long, they're being fair. And even when they make a mistake, we should not crucify them. So these are three categories that are mentioned. Imagine if somebody has all of them

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all right, elderly, Gary are the program or a scholar, you know, somebody who's scholarly and who's basically in a leading position or in the

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leadership of the Muslim community. Such people have to be respected, honored and valued by the community.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it should issued that declaration statement that maybe most of us are familiar with. Right?

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It's a principle

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that we should adhere to les semina. He's not one of us man, let me or ham Sanjana, he does not show compassion or mercy to our little ones. So our

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story answers, where you are clear Kabira and shows respect pays respect to the elderly.

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shows respect he himself some Aloha, I think he was seldom used to do that, although he is the most respected, most celebrated, even those who are older than to have to follow him.

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Right, and adhere to his teachings and listen to them. So Lola Holly who was celebrated come to have humbled themselves before him, but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when Abu Bakar on day one,

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the after the conquest of Mecca, a worker went and

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went to his father. This is a worker, his father, his father was was very old. So all that his entire, like his hair and his beard, was the entire thing was white, I turned away. So I will walk around and where I know went and brought his father so that his father will take will become Muslim or declare the Shahada before the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam when he so he brings him to the prophet in Alma Sheetal, Hallo, near the cabin, so he brings him to the grandma's, right?

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He's bringing him on a on a sacred or you know, very important day, they have a conquest of Mecca, right significant day, in the most significant the most celebrated most sacred places come

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before the most celebrated human being and most honorable, of a loss of health aspiration, Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam

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seems fine, right? What is the problem? So a lot of them say, to look at our Health, Dr. Schaefer v. Beatty, you should have just you should have left him or kept him at home had a corner TV, and you should have, you know, why didn't you leave him at home and allow me to be the one to go to him?

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Right, this is the Messenger of Allah. Hi. So out of respect for this, and he called him a shame, shame from his old man. But, you know, a lot of people they think shame is, you know, like scholars, no, not necessarily shame actually is used for multiple purposes, but the most common use his to describe an old man on so stop calling these young, dynamic, you know, good looking

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shoe,

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making them look old.

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See, so, right is an elderly person, it's also said to, it's a title given also to somebody that teaches you shape or shape. It's also a title that was given to someone

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who's married or someone or the chief, a chief of so the word shape also means sheep. Okay.

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So, so the Prophet said to him, you should have left the chef at home, they should have left this old man at home. So that I would be the one to come to him. Of course, I would have said to the Prophet, no mercy of Allah, it's an honor for him. So he's more worthy to come to university. Oh, yeah. So

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now

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the elderly

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are to be taken into consideration.

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Even when it comes and they shouldn't be accommodated. And

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Muslim elderly people should be accommodated and respected.

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And we should give them special consideration.

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I'm sorry.

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Right mentions that a man said to the Messenger of Allah Almighty Allah.

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I indeed.

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I indeed.

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Go or Don't go, don't participate or don't go early.

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intention intentionally, to the treasure to the early morning prayer, because of so and so.

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Because he prolongs us Allah makes us so long

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Massoud says, tomorrow at Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he

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assured me that I said I had never seen the messenger of a loss of a loss and get so upset before that day

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I've never seen him. so mad are so upset as he was addressing the crowd, as he was addressing the community, I had never seen him that upset before that day.

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And part of what he said was in the mean, koombana fury, you know, some of you really drive people away, why do you do that? This is these are very harsh words.

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Right? Are you concerned lovingness whoever leads salon with people failure to do was let him

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pace it, shorten it, let him be like, you know, reasonable for in the field wave. So indeed for indeed amongst them, there may be the weak or the sick, one Kabir and the elderly, especially consideration

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whether it has and a person who may be in a hurry, who might have some, some need some special needs.

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Right. So the prompts on certain mistakes mentioned the one caveat, the elderly should be taking into consideration the problem lower back problems, neck, you know, problems, you know, this, you know, me standing for too long.

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Might right

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now,

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now,

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caring within the Muslim community, caring for the elderly is so important that it is reported that Omar of a loved one gave a special consideration to a Jewish man who was elderly.

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And

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almost saw him begging.

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So, Robert said to me one time he said, you know, why are you begging? He knows it's a Jewish man.

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Why are you asking for assistance, he said, because I cannot afford to pay my taxes.

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And I was really shocked by this. He said, we have indeed, wrong do,

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we have indeed wronged you, if we took taxes from you, when you are young, we should be providing services and take care of you when you're old, you know, you shouldn't be going out of your way and begging.

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And

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right.

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The state of the armor setup, as you know, our gave this man from the general fund from beta man

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from the Muslim fund.

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You can say By the way, I mean, this is a welfare system that was set up to this time, from the time of the province, otherwise, I'm gonna just took it to another level not because of this is Omar had an amazing sophisticated

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you know,

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Social Security or a call and you want to call it welfare system.

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And I want to say gave a special consideration to this man, why

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old age.

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So they should be given special consideration.

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Right.

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And now we have people, you know, policymakers or, you know, some people in you know, running for election, in the politicize this particular point, and they try to play games with it. And we have some people who are irritated or upset, you know, they earned it.

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Even if it didn't work, whether they earned it, we have no rights to to neglect them, or to be annoyed by them. And perhaps a lot of people don't realize, maybe God is blessing us because, because of

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who knows. So,

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however, the most important and the most, the priority should be given to

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your own.

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Right. So and I know some people you know, will get passionate, you know, one thing that amazes me is when people like get passionate about certain things while they're neglecting their own priorities.

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Right. So you find somebody advocating for their neglecting their, you know, advocating for children's rights,

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and their own children suffer.

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Or they're all over like, you know, when it comes to women's rights, they're like, oh, they're gonna hold

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their own women or their own spouses are

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talking about justice and talking about not discriminating and their own husbands at home are being discriminated against or mistreated. And talking about, you know, advocating for the elderly and for the weak and all of that in their own parents suffer.

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They don't they don't even care about them.

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Loss of data specifically mentions the parents and their rights. And, you know, while many people may be paying attention to what their parents tell them and showing respect to their parents, so long the parent is able to provide and the parent is able to control the situation and the parent has the upper hand, the moment the parent basically starts losing that

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right the moment the parent starts, you know, not you know, lose, then the true the true dark side comes.

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But I live in it's when it's that time that the parent deserves our utmost respect, care and consideration

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if anything, Allah specifically in the for answers wakaba your Lord has he has decreed

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Allah tabula Yeah, that you worship none but have been validating etc. And when it comes to your parents, etc, you have to excel in, by the way of sound, some people think that that sound means that you show them to charity, or you give them No, no, yes, that means you have to excel in serving them.

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You have to do your very best in serving them.

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And be kind to them your kindness, your parents should be the best the most

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your politeness with your parents should be the highest you can you can afford, you know, your, your you're, you know, you shouldn't be, you know, more sensitive with your parents than anyone else. Like your sensitivity has to be in everything you should excel in whatever you offer your parents. Your respect for your parents should be

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the highest

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Sarah

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mentions in my Evernote one in case

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both of them on one of them in Marblehead named al Qaeda Dona Oklahoma in case one of them or both of them region, you know, old age in Dhaka with you. So the assumption is that when they reach old age, they need to be around their children, with their children, or their children need to be with them.

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They should not be distant

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in Babylon, and Oklahoma, Oklahoma, so make sure that you do not say off to them.

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Don't show any frustration, any signs of frustration, any gesture any, any disrespect, roll your eyes, that's not allowed, let alone anything else. Obviously, we know this, challenging them, you know,

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insulting them, that's major sin that's like serious.

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As for physical, you know, getting physical with them that

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could be like,

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I wouldn't want to be around a person who does music his parents, because a lot as a kid has forbidden us from

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saying that out of frustration, which is by the way, most likely any frustration is expected. Yeah, it's most because you're dealing with somebody.

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They may you know, they're they're they're hearing their their vision, their judgment, all of this will be appeared, diminishes.

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You say something like that, what did you say? Or they might say to you, oh, you said such and such? Well, I have never said that. No, you said it to me. Like they you know. And in addition to their mental capacity, sometimes it gets very frustrating where they can't take care of themselves. So you need to be very careful.

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Unless you have so much not only Sabra unless you have so much

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you have

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plenty of moral, plenty of moral values and plenty of humility. Plenty of love. Plenty of tolerance, you won't be because you know what they put up with us. And even by the way, if someone comes and says no, well, they didn't put up with me. Even if they didn't put up with you. You need to put up with them.

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Hi, everyone, and welcome ferrata Paloma of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam when someone came to him and said who deserves the best of my treatment. While we were saying we should advocate for the elderly we should advocate for the weak we should advocate for the poor for the homeless. But the message of Allah when he was asked who deserves the best of my treatment, most of my attention most of my time who deserves like if I if I have to choose between multiple sources or multiple recipients of my passion, compassion, all of that who deserves most who has the top priority, the proper set of work mother

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and then hello to mama, you know, the heady the most you know, from almost again three times in

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a book then your father

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It's so important to take care of them and to cheer them up that one man came to the Messenger of Allah. He made his you know, he left the land of gopher and he went to join the prophet SAW cinemas community, but he informed the Prophet he said I indeed left my parents crying.

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The Prophet said to him, go back to them until you cheer them up and you make them laugh like you made them crying. Like you made them cry.

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Go cheer them up, go, you know,

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talk to them.

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counsel them comfort them.

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Right.

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So

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So what do we do? What are our options?

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We have no option but to be kind and we know that a person who does not want to connect to abusers is bad or abusers his parents

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will not

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right. And a person who does Jani

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tells us that Rasulullah told her he said the hunter agenda for Samia trophy have terracotta modificado haritha.

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Varanasi to me. So I she said that the Messenger of Allah told her that he entered agenda and agenda he heard a recitation of very familiar voice, somebody reciting. So he said Who is this they said, whatever the normal, one of it was a young companion who passed away

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in his young age.

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So the Prophet said canaliculi, better canonical.

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This

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is being kind and showing respect and being beautiful to the parents.

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And he repeated it. Yeah, this is what it qualifies you to receive. What did he mean by that? I she elaborates, she explains what the prophet meant by that. She said, What kinda about one nurse, even me, he was the most beautiful, the most kind to his mother.

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He was so unknown, even in his community, he was so known to be kind and to be respectful towards his mother. So he is telling us that the Messenger of Allah is basically indicating he's telling us that what he earned was due to his his care and his respect that he showed for his mother, I read somewhere that he was so sensitive, so kind to his mother, that if his mother said something, and he wasn't sure what she said, He will pretend like he understood,

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just because he doesn't want her to repeat herself. We know we're parents, you know how frustrating it is when you have to repeat yourself when you have to say it again and again and again. And again and again. Right? It's very frustrating. How does have an inner man did not do that. His mother said something, whatever wasn't, you wouldn't need to tell her what did he say? He did not want to disappoint her or saddened her, he will pretend like he heard.

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And then after she leaves, he will ask his sisters or siblings or anyone else. What did she exactly say?

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So parents should be respected, should be taken care of should be responded to their needs should be, I'm not going to say their needs should be as important as our needs know, their needs have to be given priority. Right. And we need to find a way to address this issue practical ways.

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And, you know, I mean, to be honest with you,

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what i what i see these these days, I mean, it looks like we're headed in a direction where we may have to,

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we have to do this collectively.

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We have to do this collectively, we have to come together.

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And for many of us, it might be something that we are investing in something that we we should invest into for our own good in the future. Because you do it now, because one of the things that a lot of our children don't see is they don't see practical, like they don't see role models. They don't see us doing that demonstrating that in front of them. So how do we expect them to be able to understand what it's like or unless they see us doing it

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in any way or fashion.

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And due to the lifestyle that we have and the various circumstances many people have, you know, some people maybe their parents are not alive anymore. Some people their parents are living somewhere else. They might have their own comfort zone. You can't you know, even if you want to bring your parents here, it's a huge headache. It's a big problem.

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It's painful, no matter what you do,

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right?

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You could be actually hurting them by doing that. So if anything, you will have to go and you know if if it if it's called for you, and for you to take your family and invest in save money and go there to visit the parents and show them, you know, house, be it.

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But that is not something that everyone can do is number one, number two, you know, we mentioned that, you know, there are some people who don't have their parents around.

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Right? Number three, there are people who are going to neglect their parents anyways.

00:30:32--> 00:30:38

So that though they are someone else's parents, but they're still our community members, they're elderly.

00:30:39--> 00:30:43

And they deserve our utmost respect and appreciation and love and care.

00:30:44--> 00:30:50

So if their children fail, then the responsibility falls on those are the closest of kin,

00:30:51--> 00:30:54

or the closest of neighbors.

00:30:55--> 00:30:55

Right?

00:30:56--> 00:30:59

So how Allah, it's,

00:31:01--> 00:31:13

it's a beautiful thing is inspiring, but at the same time, it's painful when you see it in some other faith communities, and you don't see as much or you don't see, you don't see that all in many or, you know, some Muslim communities.

00:31:15--> 00:31:17

I remember one time I was going to buy a house and

00:31:19--> 00:31:47

the person that was selling it, basically, it wasn't her house, it was someone else's house. It was an elderly woman from her congregation that she volunteered to take care of. She wasn't in it for I mean, she did, she took care of it as part of a program, that woman to reward her she gave it to her not to her own shield, because her own children were not taking care of her. I mean, of course, in Islam, you can do something like that you need to be careful, you can't deprive your children, you cannot punish them. But look, she used to take her you know, for her treatments and stuff like that and care for her.

00:31:49--> 00:31:59

And many, many congregations, many churches, many centers, they have programs set up where they use get involved, different families get involved, and they have less than they have program they have they have a system setup.

00:32:03--> 00:32:06

Shouldn't we be the ones setting these kind of example.

00:32:09--> 00:32:29

How is it that some of our elders, some people contributed some people who established some people who build some people who put their time, their sweat, their, their, their, their blood into into providing us with such opportunities, you know, beautiful facilities and establish the work here in America, they can't find someone to bring them to Juma prayer.

00:32:31--> 00:32:33

And the very massage that they helped built,

00:32:34--> 00:32:46

they built they can't find amongst our, our, you know, community members amongst our volunteers amongst our youth, amongst our young people, somebody who will just do it for the sake of Allah and out of you know, as a token of appreciation,

00:32:49--> 00:32:57

you know, take turns, so practically speaking, so it becomes a collective obligation. So, collectively, we need to start with something like that.

00:32:58--> 00:33:12

And I'm talking about in I'm talking about it, theoretically, but it's all about the hope and the plan is to push in that direction. Another way of doing it is a little more professional, more, you know, we may also have to face the reality of our

00:33:13--> 00:33:18

fast growing community and fast growing needs and you know, add

00:33:20--> 00:33:21

except or prepare,

00:33:22--> 00:33:27

I mean, there are already Muslims, elderly, people who are in nursing homes,

00:33:29--> 00:33:30

one of these painful

00:33:31--> 00:33:50

moments is like, when you go to a nursing home to visit in the nursing home or you go to replace you find Muslim lady or you find Muslim, you know, especially Muslim woman, who has been Mashallah protected, preserved, who had had who have had citizen mistura all of her life.

00:33:52--> 00:33:52

Right.

00:33:54--> 00:33:55

And then her husband passes away.

00:33:57--> 00:34:13

Right, and then eventually her children start neglecting her, and she loses her own mental capacity cannot take her she has, you know, Alzheimer's or dementia or something, she has something where she cannot be left alone, and her children cannot attend to her either out of negligence or because practically speaking, they can't.

00:34:15--> 00:34:22

They cannot practically speaking, if they take care of their parents, then they won't be able to earn for themselves or for their family or for their children.

00:34:24--> 00:34:31

And, of course, some of the most painful, you know, examples is when you have, you know, the son in law or the daughter in law involved, you know,

00:34:33--> 00:34:52

being part of the equation getting in the way of their spouse, right, honoring their parents and taking care of them. So that person ends up in nursing home. But with dementia, they don't know if they're mistreated, they're exposed. You know, any one of these painful moments was you know, when I found out about a sister, I think she

00:34:53--> 00:34:59

you know, she was devastated. She was heartbroken but they thought she has like mental issue. I mean, yes, she had dementia. She you know,

00:35:00--> 00:35:11

But that doesn't mean she's not aware of many moral and religious and cultural principles that she's accustomed to. Right. So she was crying, she was devastated, heartbroken.

00:35:12--> 00:35:24

And they thought, you know, it was because her mental state, but the reality was that she was heartbroken because the guy, this total stranger, the nurse, that was washing her body was not

00:35:26--> 00:35:27

their own children.

00:35:28--> 00:35:32

So in the nursing home, of course, is not, you know, was not told,

00:35:33--> 00:35:39

or doesn't care or is not aware of these kind of, you know, sensibilities

00:35:40--> 00:36:00

and opinions, that's a collective failure. That's not only the failure of her own children, and her own family, but that's a collective failure community. So one of these things, in addition to our family, volunteering, and going to people, we may have to, or we actually do have to let me just be honest and straightforward. Looking, consider these options.

00:36:01--> 00:36:06

Now, it becomes a priority for us to establish, you know, our own nursing home,

00:36:07--> 00:36:25

where you take, you know, where they can pray, where nobody's gonna come and shove, like a cross or, you know, in the, you know, before their, their faces and tell them to, and they're, they're in a mental state where they don't know, they might even do some, some, some things, right.

00:36:26--> 00:36:33

Or people hold hands with them, and they start meeting or praying to Jesus, or in addition to feeding me and pork, and, you know,

00:36:36--> 00:36:38

and other things on a special occasions,

00:36:40--> 00:36:48

let alone being physically abused, or, you know, being also, you know, you know, sometimes even violated, and harassed sexually as well.

00:36:49--> 00:36:53

Not everyone out there is the same. So there is no Amanda.

00:36:55--> 00:37:08

And there are all kinds of, you know, security camera clips, on videos that were leaked, that show what happens to the elderly, in the absence of their, of their loved ones, by the very people that were hired that are paid to take care of them.

00:37:10--> 00:37:15

So where is where's the hero, where's the protective, you know, we need to be protective of the.

00:37:17--> 00:37:30

So it's something these are definitely conversations that we need to have, and we need to maintain and keep, keep talking about and push the community towards it.

00:37:31--> 00:37:39

So and I hereby propose that next, or one of the next, you know, big projects here, we don't need you know, more of a salad.

00:37:41--> 00:37:58

That would be nice, lovely to have, you know, you know, what the next if anything, if there is a center or a place to be to be purchased or to be built, I think the next one of the top priorities that we have, the next step for the community is to invest into a nursing home

00:37:59--> 00:38:15

facility, where those who can pay or, or the government can pay on their behalf will be taken care of, and if they don't have anyone to take care of them. Right. And if they can't take care of themselves, or there is no one to take care of them, the community, you know, picks it up.

00:38:17--> 00:38:24

That that that in my opinion, is a healthy a sound community that's a community worthy of respect worthy of, of the of

00:38:26--> 00:38:28

worthy to be honored and to be respected.

00:38:32--> 00:38:34

And even I mean, again,

00:39:28--> 00:39:30

it's it's heartbreaking.

00:39:32--> 00:40:00

So, yes, you know, once again, so these are a couple of points, I can take care of the parents, right? And taking care of the elderly. And also the two the two messages I want you to is that to go with our actually three, three priorities. Children need to fulfill their obligation, and we need to pressure as a as a community. And as rightly like if we have relatives, we need to put this is part of our function as people

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

enjoying what is good and forbid, forbid what is evil, as a community that is self correcting

00:40:06--> 00:40:15

that that self monitors or self, you know, we need to be putting, you know, pressure or we need to be, we should not accept this, it should be unacceptable.

00:40:17--> 00:40:23

It should be acceptable. If I invite somebody who's whose parents lives with them.

00:40:24--> 00:40:33

For instance, if I invite them over, and they because they're bothered, they don't want their parents, the parent to ruin the evening, they don't bring them

00:40:35--> 00:40:39

that should be that they should be called out for it, or I should I should bring that, you know, why?

00:40:42--> 00:40:48

Why would you do that? Oh, you know, my mom is, you know, she talks a lot, and she would not know, we're not gonna do that.

00:40:50--> 00:41:01

Right. So, so, as a community, we and as relatives, we need to look out, because these are things that our children are going to learn from,

00:41:02--> 00:41:02

right.

00:41:04--> 00:41:26

So we need to, to look out and also as in laws, we need to be also conscious of this. I, you know, you should not accept your, for your spouse to mistreat or neglect his or her parents, or elderly grandparents, let alone get in the way of them fulfilling their duty towards them.

00:41:28--> 00:41:36

You should be supportive, you should be actually saying, you know, what, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what they said about you in the past, doesn't matter what they still say about you

00:41:37--> 00:41:45

just have to accept them. And I gotta change it. Oh, I don't like how she looks at me and how she treats me what she says about you cares, grow up. Well, why do we need to grow our brothers and sisters?

00:41:47--> 00:41:59

Yeah, this Family Feud? Oh, you know, 20 years ago, when I got married, she said this, and she threw that comment at what is this? Yeah, it's, you know, we need to to move on. Rob, you know,

00:42:00--> 00:42:05

that's not expected of wise adults, we were parents, we're supposed to set example for our children

00:42:07--> 00:42:15

can't get over something that happened 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or, or even like, more than, like a week ago, or something like that, then the app you've got an issue.

00:42:16--> 00:42:27

Especially when you're dealing with an with, with somebody who might be you know, emotionally, or might be, you know, mentally, you know, might have some some some issues.

00:42:28--> 00:42:29

They're not in there for

00:42:31--> 00:42:33

and even even if they have,

00:42:35--> 00:42:37

like a vendetta against you,

00:42:39--> 00:42:44

what is better than kindness and forgiveness

00:42:45--> 00:42:51

and tolerance, even if they hate you, to heal such people.

00:42:53--> 00:43:02

There are a lot of examples of people who who very few though, right, sorry, there have said a lot. But there are a few examples that I know of people who are able to,

00:43:03--> 00:43:04

to change it.

00:43:05--> 00:43:09

You know, were the one who was who was most abused

00:43:10--> 00:43:50

and assaulted was the one to be there. These people are powerful, these are the best amongst us. So, so we need to so we have personal responsibility when it comes to people within our circle of influence. And to to make sure that they take care of it. Now, in case of the failure of these individuals, or in case of these individuals being overwhelmed. We know a sister who is let's say, a single parent, who's taking care of her elderly parents, at least her children she can manage, she sends him to school, but who's going to stay with her mom,

00:43:51--> 00:44:16

who's going to help take care of her mother, when she when she's at work earning for the family, we should provide some kind of alternative. And that brings me to the second point that I mentioned, just I'm just doing a quick recap, which is community effort, collective effort we come together, we set up something that sisters, for instance, set up something that brother said that set up something where you know, we fulfill some of the basic or the most social needs of that person and help them out then demand

00:44:17--> 00:44:21

help them for the sake of a lot of social, we set up a system like that.

00:44:22--> 00:44:59

Right. And the third one was that this may not be sustainable, it may not be you know, just in case, it grows in there. There are there are, you know, we need like for instance that we have, we have a family that lives far away. And most of our volunteer volunteers are from a particular area, they won't be able to go out there and you know, keep an eye on this person or you know, keep them company for a little bit or take care of them or take them to their to their appointments or something like that and then make it back to their own place in time to take care of their own children or their other obligations. They may not be so it may not be practical. It may be

00:45:00--> 00:45:03

be necessary for us and I believe we have we are there.

00:45:05--> 00:45:37

Or we're about to get there, if we're not there, it may be necessary for us to provide alternatives and have places establish, you know, invest into, you know, an institution. And that should be the next, you know, top priority of our community, where we can welcome or accommodate these kinds of cases. These are three things that we need to be talking about having in our conversations and our meetings and our social gatherings in our, on WhatsApp, or whatever, whatever. However, we socialize and communicate with other people bring awareness, and, and,

00:45:38--> 00:45:42

and bring it up in our conversation, because that's how change happens.

00:45:43--> 00:45:47

It should not it should not be, we should not accept the status quo.

00:45:49--> 00:46:06

We should not accept it. It's just not acceptable. It's not sustainable. It's not right. And we will ourselves suffer, if it's if it's continuous, like this. So imagine, here we are the ones that were brought up on, you know, many of these traditions and stuff like that we're struggling.

00:46:07--> 00:46:09

Imagine what's going to happen with our children.

00:46:13--> 00:46:24

How they're gonna treat us, especially if they don't see a CS, you know, setting an example for them and showing them practically how it should be done. and telling them or bringing awareness

00:46:25--> 00:46:32

you know, of the importance of this lockdown, masala, Khalid, Mohammed, Abu Salim again, the

00:46:34--> 00:46:44

Nia, my intention was not to make you feel guilty or to make us feel bad or anything but it's for us to it's a painful subject, it may be a painful subject, but it's an important subject that we need to discuss.

00:46:46--> 00:46:52

So if you have any question or comments or suggestion, please feel free to to address it.

00:47:07--> 00:47:08

hear

00:47:09--> 00:47:12

nothing anymore, or their father because the wife

00:47:14--> 00:47:16

and I can propose for any organization.

00:47:30--> 00:47:30

When I lost

00:47:55--> 00:48:02

Yeah, here, this machine, we do have a program for a weekly program for the elderly is growing, Mashallah.

00:48:03--> 00:48:07

But I think you're right, we need to do we need to do more, if anything that shows any?

00:48:09--> 00:48:09

Sorry.

00:48:15--> 00:48:47

So, so let me ask you this to be to be more to be practical. Do you know, I mean, or do you have, for instance, today, when we made the announcement, when I made the announcement after Juma that we're gonna have such a program tonight, I was approached by by a medical doctor, and internist, who told me you know, this is this is a great idea, I've been talking about it, this is something I'm very, very passionate about, I work with a lot of nursing homes and stuff like that. And he's like, I have a lot of experience in this in this field, you know, let me know if you guys are serious about it. And again, if this does not generate enough momentum, if the community is not coming and

00:48:47--> 00:49:01

saying, you know how things work, right? There has to be demand. I mean, we're not so good. I mean, most communities, and most nonprofit organizations work, they respond to crisis, like there has to be a buildup, you know, something, you know,

00:49:02--> 00:49:05

so, so. So he said, if this is something

00:49:06--> 00:49:09

you guys are serious about, and I'm very serious about it.

00:49:10--> 00:49:28

But, again, some of us, some of us have a lot of a lot of stuff on their, on their plate, they have a lot on their plate. So we need we need more people, if anything, we need people to come and say, You know what, this is something I would be very, very committed to and I would be very passionate about and I would like to help so and we can put maybe a task force or like

00:49:29--> 00:49:36

some kind of a committee or a group, you know, that looks into the need and assess.

00:49:37--> 00:49:42

Assess the need and the visibility of of such a project. You know, and we have to

00:49:43--> 00:49:45

you know, if I was a wealthy person

00:49:48--> 00:49:49

that's funny, all right.

00:49:52--> 00:49:54

You know, you know, some people they want to,

00:49:56--> 00:49:59

they want to say it for theirs. You have everything that you think about yourself.

00:50:02--> 00:50:09

If I would have, I would have built a place like that, for people to use it right now. And just in case,

00:50:10--> 00:50:33

some of us just have this, this, we think we're invincible, we think that we're going to be as strong. And as, as you know, you know, we're gonna maintain this mental capacity and physical capacity that we have, and we're always going to be in control and that we will never, you know, lose a strength or be dependent on anyone.

00:50:34--> 00:50:45

And anything that happened, and that we've seen cases of people, it's not lack of funds, they have enough to take care of themselves, but children, you know, get sick and tired of taking care of them. Something happens, you know,

00:50:49--> 00:51:06

write a clot somewhere, you know, right? That's it, that person has done, loses their, their, their physical or mental capacity to take care of themselves, children take over the wealth and do whatever they want, and then they deprive or disrespect the parent who works so hard.

00:51:07--> 00:51:10

So, you know, people need to,

00:51:11--> 00:51:11

yeah.

00:51:13--> 00:51:17

So inshallah, inshallah I will, will follow up on this. Yes.

00:51:37--> 00:51:37

A service

00:51:42--> 00:51:43

to income families.

00:51:49--> 00:51:51

We're also going to incorporate volunteer programs for

00:51:52--> 00:51:54

people who can't afford caregiving.

00:51:57--> 00:51:58

And there's also

00:52:01--> 00:52:05

ongoing self funding, for those who don't have the time

00:52:10--> 00:52:13

in shrewdly investing in

00:52:15--> 00:52:16

investing, and so forth,

00:52:17--> 00:52:19

and each individual

00:52:22--> 00:52:24

can nitpick every kind of detail.

00:52:32--> 00:52:35

So that's currently something that's gonna happen.

00:52:36--> 00:52:42

So yeah, by the way, how many, by by show of hands, how many of you have

00:52:43--> 00:53:01

have somebody like, or you have a family member who's in that situation, or you know, somebody, that you yourself, you're dealing with a with a aging like parents or sibling, because sometimes sibling, right, or you know, somebody who's in that situation? Like, you know, somebody that has someone like that?

00:53:02--> 00:53:03

Right?

00:53:06--> 00:53:16

So, so it does exist, right? Those of us who don't have that, hopefully, they're not going to be the first person to find themselves in that situation.

00:53:19--> 00:53:28

Seriously, I mean, sometimes it's just some people, some people don't have children, for instance, some people, their children are not capable of taking care of themselves, won't take care of them.

00:53:30--> 00:53:53

We have to be very realistic. It's not the most ideal situation, and this idea that, you know, what, we're just gonna go back home may not be this, this option may not be available for many people anymore. Look at what is happening to Muslim countries, one after another, many people who are thinking that, you know, I'm going to go retire there, it's not going to be feasible, anymore. Scott.

00:53:55--> 00:53:56

So,

00:53:58--> 00:54:08

you know, it's gonna, and I had seen, you know, things like that it's gonna kill me if I see somebody that I know, an elderly person homeless out in the streets.

00:54:11--> 00:54:49

You know, nobody, the committee cannot take care of them. Or sometimes people think, oh, there must be this guy. Do it. How am I gonna do this, it can do it. Imagine if somebody comes here that that has, you know, that does not that is not capable mentally to take care of themselves. And then they show up here you don't know what you need is a big huge liability responsibility. So we have to institutionalize this. We have to have people who specialize in this, take care of it. And if this community of ours, what I'm talking about Southern California Muslim community, you know, one of the most affluent one of the most capable one of the most educated and one of the most, you know, a

00:54:49--> 00:54:56

mature, you know, community, one of the most resourceful communities doesn't do it. You know, who else

00:54:57--> 00:54:59

are plenty of MDS? Plenty of me

00:55:00--> 00:55:05

lefties, we have plenty of counselors, we have plenty, you know, we should have plenty of volunteers.

00:55:07--> 00:55:10

And Allah knows best. So inshallah Tada, we Yes.

00:55:22--> 00:55:23

personal

00:55:28--> 00:55:31

experience like you just mentioned, we have

00:55:40--> 00:55:42

we would like her to

00:55:49--> 00:55:50

show you the future

00:55:52--> 00:55:55

and explain what is going to happen tomorrow.

00:56:17--> 00:56:20

Your next step should

00:56:24--> 00:56:25

have been

00:56:26--> 00:56:27

experienced.

00:56:32--> 00:56:33

That's all

00:56:34--> 00:56:35

from this project.

00:56:38--> 00:56:39

We need to do it

00:56:41--> 00:56:43

now. Ready?

00:56:57--> 00:57:04

No, it shouldn't be done professionally, it has to be done, especially due to liability issues. It has to be structured properly.

00:57:13--> 00:57:13

setup.

00:57:16--> 00:57:18

But there has to be

00:57:20--> 00:57:24

a project, business plan, like anything else.

00:57:31--> 00:58:11

Okay, I would urge everyone, especially if you have if you specially if you know of any opportunity out there. Cuz, cuz, you know, we have been talking about this, we have started talking about this, and I thought it was, you know, some people maybe thought it was maybe premature to bring this up before you actually have something tangible? No, I don't think so. We need to raise the raise awareness and create, and bring awareness of the need. So before we throw, you know, we start, but one of the things that that we're debating, or people are talking about is, do you build something from scratch and make sure that it's, you know, which could be very costly? Or do you look for

00:58:11--> 00:58:21

something, an existing or, you know, failing location, or maybe something that is going out of business? So I urge you, inshallah, to look out if you know, of anything, please bring it to my attention. And,

00:58:23--> 00:58:28

you know, because this is going to be one, if not the next,

00:58:29--> 00:58:40

the next project for our community, and for the next two to five years, it should be, it should be in until it actually happens. This should be a priority of ours, we should focus on it. Yes.

00:59:09--> 00:59:33

Yeah, we did something like this, we used to meet, we they used to meet and I address them in something, we have a program for them, we joined with homoclinic. And we do we set up something for them. And we did it during the weekdays, but now we have it on the weekends. Right? So we have something like that setup, but we want to go to the next level. I mean, most of these people can come on their own drive themselves and all that How about those people who are whom we don't know about?

00:59:35--> 00:59:59

All of a sudden we just attended and as if somebody owes it, you know, especially someone like me, I'm you know, I just only came here 10 years ago, Oh, you don't know him share with this guy 20 years ago was you know this and that. So where has this person been? Well, you know, he has been for the past 10 years since you came here before you came has been you know, or she has, like I myself, you know there are a few people that that that you know brother Simon and I would

01:00:00--> 01:00:05

Go in and visit IBC may Allah have mercy upon them. And so, you know, it's

01:00:07--> 01:00:14

time to go maybe these people had their own setup and they had children that were, you know, paying attention to them and all of that, but it's

01:00:15--> 01:00:43

it's, it's sad. You know, one of the people that I miss a lot has Cassandra hammer home law from Libya. You know, he was, you know, he was a dance Father, you know, of, you know, his, you know, his son, but Samara and I used to go and visit him. You know, periodically, he used to come and pray in Ramadan. When I first came to the community in the first two years, he used to pray in the front in the front row.

01:00:44--> 01:00:46

And Juma, he used to be always there.

01:00:48--> 01:00:51

And this was hella hot. He couldn't he was over 100 years old.

01:00:52--> 01:00:56

May Allah have mercy on him? His wife died before him.

01:00:57--> 01:01:02

So and by the way, if I may conclude the show with Allah, Mohammed, Tada.

01:01:04--> 01:01:05

Yeah, I was about to conclude with

01:01:16--> 01:01:16

what

01:01:17--> 01:01:18

about

01:01:27--> 01:01:27

you?

01:01:33--> 01:01:34

program?

01:01:36--> 01:01:37

This issue?

01:01:38--> 01:01:39

We're going

01:01:43--> 01:01:44

to show that

01:01:45--> 01:01:46

treatment.

01:01:57--> 01:01:58

So

01:02:22--> 01:02:24

that's a good reason to call 911.

01:02:26--> 01:02:27

kidneys feel locked up?

01:02:32--> 01:02:33

Yeah.

01:02:43--> 01:02:50

So we inshallah, we're gonna, we're working with somebody to show up, we're gonna come up with a business

01:02:51--> 01:03:03

business plan. And, but again, I wanted to put this out there. So just in case, there's anyone who might be interested to join us, because we need, we need energy. We need we need

01:03:04--> 01:03:09

men and women power. And speaking of women, I just want to conclude by saying one thing.

01:03:11--> 01:03:22

I feel very guilty, and I'm just going to share this with you. I was gonna post something about it on on Facebook a few months ago. I just didn't know how to word it. And I didn't want to offend anyone. But

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you may have heard of

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someone, a national leader by the name of Dr. Muhammad Ali. Dr. Atul Claudine was one of the pioneers of the Muslim community in North America write those who are familiar with, with with, with those who are familiar with Islamic conferences and conventions, he was one of the most frequent speakers he was, he was, I believe, he was an MD, he was a doctor who had done a lot of research and cancer treatment and all of that, that kind of caught up to him a lot, of course, celebrated, you know, by the community law, you know, mourned by the community and everything. And I have to let his his wife, you know, sister and a man.

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You know, the mother of a well known, you know, national, you know, figure in the field of family and marriage therapy, you know, somebody who's very, very respected in many circles, but many of the people of the new generation, they they don't know, Doctor quality, or they do not realize the value, let alone know who his wife is. So one of those, I don't say, painful, but one of those moments that was just, you know,

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was, I was at a national convention, Congress, and I was leaving, so somebody came to pick me up. Right, so

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But before I went to the airport, I saw the sister, whom I thought was a recognize. So I asked her if she has a right She said, No, she was just going to take the shuttle and I said, No, you don't take the shuttle. You're more important. You you and your husband

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I have done for the Muslim community in North America more than he has ever done.

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You know, so I didn't Of course, say that, but that was my mindset. So I made sure that she, she, you know, that the person that came to pick us, you know, will, you know, and, and on the way there, I verified that it was her and all of that. And I see and I spoke to her, I told her how,

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you know, much we miss and respect and Megadrive for her husband and for her. So one of this one of the one of the segments of our community, there's this segment that is hidden, you know, these, you know, hair, these heroines of our community, right, many of these ladies who were working behind the scene and did a lot of things, they may not have the name recognition, they may not be a celebrity, you know, celebrities, they may not be known by many people. But their their contribution has to be recognized. And it's not about recognition, but they have to be respected. We owe them that.

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Right. And I'm saying this and I feel guilty, because in our own community, right, we have, I would love to go like say Salaam to them visit the MiG tau, I ask them to make Doha and but our community needs to be vigilant, you know, and reach out to these to these ladies. show our appreciation. Right,

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you know, for their contribution for what they have done, you know, check on them. Right. And in our own community we have, we don't have to wait until of course their husband died before we do that. But generally speaking, but especially Dr. sockos wife,

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Dr. regard Dr. Malhotra his wife.

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Yeah.

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You know, we shouldn't wait until Oh, by the way. So. So I think I think, you know, the sisters should organize something like that and reach out to them. And also our community leaders, even the male community leaders should be, you know, frequently or on a regular basis or even occasionally, you know, contacting them reaching out to them and making sure that they are taking care of making sure that they are they get the treatment and the respect and the recognition that they deserve what loved island was all about so you know how many want to add here, we're starting to send them to Steven