An Insight Into Family Crisis
Channel: Mohammed Faqih
File Size: 52.38MB
this discussion. Again, it's not a lecture, it's a discussion. It's not a lecture where I'm just going to share with you a bunch of information and want you to take it and maybe have a little dialogue, but rather it's more of a lengthy discussion work in progress.
so I want you to bear with me and of course, feel free to
to ask any questions by today.
Tonight, what I wanted to discuss this is part two of
a series of reflections on Quranic verses that address family or family relations.
And what I wanted to focus on tonight is
elements of the destructive elements that threaten the stability of a household or that lead to the destruction of a household.
So let's begin with with a very interesting verse in the Quran. And tell me what kind of observations you can have what kind of reflections you would have. Allah Subhana Allah in the Quran and circle Angkor Wat Surah 29 verse 41, says that I will be lovingly shaped by the regime.
methodology in a methodology for the woman de la jolla. methylene Kabuto tahajjud beta. We're in Honolulu Tel Aviv. Cabo Hello, can we Alamo?
masala de la Domaine de la jolla.
The meaning can be translated as the example of those who take allies other than Allah. allies, meaning they worship them they seek help from them. And this is specifically referring again this is this is a parable or
a metaphor that the Quran that Allah subhanaw taala uses, equating those who worship idols or worship any deities other than Allah azza wa jal to the specific example given in this in this verse. So Allah says that the example of these people who take allies who, who seek help and guidance and blessings from other than Allah azza wa jal is like the example of alenka boot, the spider.
And specifically, Allah says an anchor bolt, it hurts beta, the spider who takes a home,
if we want to be gender specific, as the spider, the female a spider that builds a home, or we know the home of spiders called spider web, right?
Then Allah says, What in hell booty elevator and ankle boots and indeed, the weakest of homes is the home of the spider.
The weakest of home, we now have a beautiful way to encode the meaning interpreted by classical scholars is very obvious, right? is very obvious Allah Subhana Allah to Allah are the verses using an example that we see. And almost every day, depending on where you live, right, you see spider webs, you know, sometimes you come out of your,
you know, you come out of your home, you're walking to your driveway, and you run into a spider web, right? You're like, Well, you know, it's happened overnight. But obviously, the spider web looks what spider web looks very weak, right? rail, you can just remove it, wipe it, right, it's weak. So this is the classical interpretation, that those who who rely upon other than a lot of diligent. They rely and they take as deities other than Allah, they put their faith and listen to this. They put anyone that puts his or her faith in anyone other than Allah as though Jen is like, someone is like that spider that thinks that her web or her home is invincible, and then the first person that
passes through that place, right can just remove it. So this is an obvious example. But there is a very interesting discovery made recently. Right by what do you call people who study insects.
entomology, you know who is an entomologist that we have here in the community that comes here frequently. Who's Dr. Ramesh baryon. He's gonna be here next week. So Dr. Matt Varian is is has a PhD and then tamala g
He's actually the head, the head of the entomology department at Cal State, Riverside. Sorry, UC, Riverside, UC, sorry, I call the calci. UCLA University of California, Riverside UCR. He's the head of that department. And he's actually one of the top scientists in this field. Right? He spent his entire life studying insects. So maybe you can verify this with him. But we know and we do have few. And I've myself I've seen, we know that black widows,
right? That the female meets with a male. And then after the meeting is over, the female kills the male
gets wisdom, right? And then once
the babies hatch,
the babies eventually kill the mother and feed on.
This prompted some some, some modern day scholars or people or commentators to say, Well, what an interesting, you know, could we're not saying this is the interpretation of this I could this example.
Maybe was it used by Allah subhanho wa, taala, in this verse?
Because Allah Subhana, Allah knows
what the household, the spiders household is, is is like, could could this be part of a lava lamp? I don't know. I don't have I don't have the audacity to say, this is what it means. And we only discovered it now. Because the obvious meaning is also, you know, that it's talking about the web, not necessarily the, the family structure of the spider. Right. But nonetheless, it's something very interesting to to reflect upon. Right? That
there is no family, no family, right. So the the male is used and disposed or killed, right actually feeds on it, she she eats them. Right? And then the babies eat the mother. Right? And then just they go into this vicious cycle and what goes around comes around committed in Sudan.
So what what a what a, what a miserable household, right? What are what are miserable, you know, fate, right. But of course, what would be painful is if human beings are reduced to that level, if human beings come down to that level, but what this is telling us though, there are two things that this is telling us that human beings have the I don't want to say the capacity, they have the tendency or the capacity to come down to the level of animals, but not only animals with insects.
Right, we can make, we can choose if we want to, we can choose to come down to this level what I have the villa, and it's only those whom Allah subhanho wa Taala, elevates, and honors who can keep themselves from coming down to this level. And we have to somehow managed to protect ourselves from getting down to this level. Because if we let our shortcomings are our weaknesses get the best of us, this is what we come down to, you know, I must say this before I go any further when I was examining the verses that talk about divorce about marital discord about family in the Quran. So Pamela, and also in general, any disputes conflict resolution when you look at the verses, I'm just
talking about the verses from the Quran about that talk about family or conflict resolution Subhanallah
you know, I was telling one of the sheoak Today I was telling him this book this for an was revealed and can only be understood and applied
by classy people.
You have to be a person of class to appreciate the Quranic directive,
And you have to be a classy person to commit to the to it. You have to have class. You have to have self control, you have to have, you know, a level of decency and nobility that in order for you to really follow the Quranic directive, and it's not easy. It requires a struggle. I'll give you an example when the Quran for instance, says two parties that are divorcing like a couple who are going through divorce. The Quran says while at several folk living in a calm, do not forget to be bountiful and to be gracious with one another. Were departing. I mean, what what are we taught? What did
You know, Egyptian dramas and what did they teach us growing up?
Right. Divorced me. Oh, you're divorced.
Hello, I'm leaving and she leaves the house.
Or did he divorcing your house? You're not staying with him, you come out of the house? No, that's not what the Quran says. No. And that said, you know that the war begins not only between the two individuals, but between the two families and sometimes it extends beyond the families, it goes into maybe the entire clan and if they're from two different villages, the two villages now declare war against each other.
And Allah Subhana Allah says, if it doesn't work out, separate will not have wallets and so forth. lebanner can be gracious with one another, be noble Be kind. I shall the law gives us an example
of in the Hadith, the long hadith of Abu Zahra Nomura, she said one day, I sat down with a prophet and she started telling him how, how about 10 ladies 10 women from the time of Jamelia got together and they said, we're not going to keep any secrets we're going to share with each other. All you know what our husbands and how you know do and how we feel about them.
That entire Hades is called had his daughter. Why? Because at the end, the 10th woman, the last woman, she said, Everybody turned to her. How about you Amazon? What's the story of you know, between you and your husband? So she started the story talking about her ex husband, not even her husband. She said, Oh, she said my husband was abused busara.
And she started praising abuser praising his daughter, who was not even her daughter has her, her stepdaughter, right, praising his family, praising his clan praising everything that he did for her. Though that relationship ended up in divorce, she said was eventually divorced me. And then after him, I married a noble man and amazing man
who took care of me and did for me and what no man would do for his wife. However, if I was to measure everything that my second husband did, for me, it will not be equal, it will not be equivalent to one of the containers that abuser gave me
in an Arab samen hug oil heavy, like the first love Is that
right? But the point here is that the Ayesha mentions his story. Right? And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, after he heard this story, and I'm wondering how long it took for it to tell him the story. He sat down, he was listening.
processor was not rushing to get to the end of the story was, you know, what's the conclusion? And by the way, there was no conclusion. She was just telling the story. That's fun. And they were having fun. She was entertainment. And she was just telling him a story
of these 10 women, but at the end of the process, SLM gave a beautiful conclusion. He said, you know, and this shows you that he was listening. He wasn't just nodding his head, he was actually listening some a lot. And this is what I saw last year. And he the the the the best of the last creation, the leader of his of his time, so a lot of things that he could have said, Ah, I don't have time for this nonsense. Come on. Yeah. And get to the end of it. No, no, no.
Let's see. So when she finished he said, You know how
this shows you how interested he was in the story. He said to her as a controller kick Ibiza, a little muscle? You know, I think I am to you, like I was I was to Amazon,
except that I was divorced his wife, and I will never do mercy.
Giving her any guarantee that this is this is called emotional security. You don't have to worry.
Right? So no matter. So.
So my point is that, that you feel like this score and and this profit, we're speaking in the worst city setting examples and principles for people who are classy, or for people who aspire
to be classy, and to be ethical. So what are the elements that could
destroy a family? The second point that
I want to make in my reflection on this verse, verse 41, of Surah 29 is that
Allah subhanho wa Taala says, the example of those who and this is in my opinion, the first the first element that we all need to take into consideration that threatens the stability and the security of our families. Alice's method Latina Taka Domaine de la jolla, the example of those who take other than Allah azza wa jal as allies or as a source of guidance, source of divine guidance, divine blessing, right, whoever wants to be empowered or get their guidance from other than Allah azza wa jal is like the example of Angkor Wat What is this telling us? This is telling us that in order for our house
Or homes or families to be strong.
We ought to as individuals, as members of these homes, right, or these, these these units, and also as an entire family, that household has to rely upon Allah subhanho wa Taala.
And depend upon Allah subhanho wa Taala to begin with, it is Allah, the verse that I shared with you and that we're all familiar with Allah Subhana. Allah is the one that brings people together. And he who brings people together is capable of what? breaking them apart, so parallel with Allah, but Allah doesn't intend for that to happen. Allah doesn't want that to happen. Allah wants to unite people and bring them together. He doesn't want to break them apart. So if coming together is a blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Right, then
in order for this unit, to be to stay intact, this unit has to rely upon a law so
we have to take a law as the Willie right.
And look at the drop off use of a solemn at the end when Allah united him, reunited him with his family. What did he say?
Until Well, he or Allah, you are my family.
The drama that the program teaches us, what does it say? Right? Rob belzoni. And as a matter
of law, it's all attached or connected to Allah subhanho wa Taala. The family of zecharia in the Quran, they dealt with and we're going to maybe get to this at the end.
The family of zaccaria they dealt with a great test and trial, the creator didn't have children, him and his wife could not bear you know, could not have children. Until very, until very late, like you know at a later time. Right? Allah Subhana Allah praise the entire family as a family that turns to Allah subhanho wa Taala always in the home, can we add our own and our Robin wa Hubba at times of prosperity in times of adversity, the prophet teaches us to be thankful for what we have. Why because when you're thankful, Allah gives you more. And when you have Nima, when you know love connection, strong bond, right? You could, you could lose it if you're not grateful for it. Right?
So the Prophet teaches us that when we go home or when we see the blessings of Allah upon us to thank Allah subhana wa to Allah and say, Alhamdulillah Allah, The Abominable sakana Wakana I wanna and teach the members of our households to be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So this is a key element that we rely upon Allah as to seek protection and Allah seek guidance in the law and be thankful to Allah if these elements are missing this unit or this union, or this, this bond is doomed.
Sooner or later, right. Another element that could be very destructive, that is out there. Again, we're reflecting on Quranic verses. The Quran says the following.
What is the first household the first marriage that we know of? That we're aware of?
That of Adam and hell, right? Where did they spend their honeymoon in the first period of their life? In general, you can't get any better than that. Right, Jen?
Did that last? It didn't last? That's a great lesson for all of us honeymoons don't last
so don't expect honeymoon phase to be and if whatever, just get rid. Okay. What happened? What happened?
She The only they ate from they disobey the laws of Palo Alto they were disqualified right? They went down, there was an external enemy and there is still an external enemy that is shaytaan. Right.
So shaytan tempted them, right. And they, they they committed this, by the way. So Allah Subhana Allah tells us and in the Quran in multiple places about what happened, and one of them Allah Subhana Allah says, the one that we find in
sort of our off that shavon whisper to them first was Allah who
was was Allah Houma, la chiffon whisper to them? Li Maria, Houma, Maria and Houma me so at him, he wanted them to lose some of their privileges and gender and to show them or to expose what was concealed of their private parts or of their deficiencies in their faults, right. So shaytan basically tried to, to do that. Unfortunately, he succeeded. He said to them, this is how he got to them. Manohar Kumara buco, maratea commercia, Elana kolomela Kane after Kunal holiday and he said, You know did not forbid you from the tree except that you become angels or
To become immortal,
there must be a secret This is this, this tree is going to give you immortality. Now.
He's playing on a weakness. we human beings don't want things to change we want, you know, good life to last forever there in general, can you imagine their agenda?
But what do you mean immortal? Oh, we can be in this place forever. We can be happy together like this forever. Yes.
And this is the tree that is going to guarantee you that, huh? very tempting?
We don't know. There is there is a debate where the brother is asking where was this agenda? The Quran is talking about? Of course, we know it was outside this it was not here on Earth. So when the Quran talks about gender, it's not talking about the beautiful
You know, metros of India or, you know, it's not talking about any, any, any of these. It's talking about a place outside this dunya right, or this this planet? Was it the agenda of Africa? Or is it a agenda in heaven? Allahu Allah sort of Scorsese's agenda in heaven. As I say, it's the same agenda that we're going to go back to Allah, Allah, Allah knows best. But nonetheless, they were so now they are told to eat from this tree, and it will guarantee them this life forever, they're not gonna die.
They were tempted, and further will cause some humor in the local man. I mean, and so when he told them, indeed, he's, he was he swore by a law. He swore by Allah, this was the first time ever, Adam, he or somebody swear by Allah. And of course, no one would dare to swear by a loss of Hana without in the Presence of Allah azza wa jal, except Danny, he must know what he's talking about. So he told him that, indeed, I am a sincere advisor.
By the way, anytime someone comes to you and tells you listen, I'm a sincere advisor, and they have to really make that point to you. Be careful,
right? Somebody, and anytime someone comes to you and says one law one line, right?
I heard your wife say that, or I heard your husband say that, um, you know, and they come as a sincere, they feel like they have the duty to come and inform you of what they caught your spouse doing behind their back or say behind their back. I just want you to know that that is a shame upon in the form of a human being.
And, you know, simple, and I'm going to get to the point of this. So this is an external element. shavon wants to do this. Why, for the prosperity and for the happiness of Adam and Hawa? No, he didn't care about Adam and Eve, actually, he hates him. They're his enemies.
So eventually, he succeeded. So he made them fall through deception. He deceived them. And when they when he deceived them, he forsaken them. And when they came to earth, He didn't he wasn't walking around with him saying, oh, let me show you how to do this. How do they will on their own? Right, but they made Toba to Allah Subhana Allah, and Allah accepted there, Toba? Was this huge demotion a huge loss for them? Yes, indeed.
I cannot equate it to anything. I can't. I can't, there is nothing I can tell you imagine being living in Beverly Hills, for instance. And then it's like, well, if I must imagine living in Beverly Hills, and imagine having everything and having a mansion and all that, and then all of a sudden, overnight, you become homeless, you and your spouse when I add the villa, and this by the way could happen. You know, the story of the guy. It went viral, you know, the lady, there was a girl forgot his name Johnny something.
You know, there was a homeless.
There was a there was a girl, I think in Pennsylvania, driving and then her car broke down. So she pulled over next out of the bushes comes a young man, you know, he was up early he comes is like, what, what's wrong? She said, like I ran out of gas and I don't have money. She didn't have wallet. So he's like, okay, stay here, lock your windows and don't talk to anyone. I'll be back. So he goes, he comes back. He, you know, brought some gas with him, puts it in the gas tank and she goes her way. So she comes back looking for him to appreciate what he did and to give him money. And then through conversation, she finds out that he actually used the last $20 that he had
with him. And he was actually he was a veteran. He He fought you know. So he was he was in the military. He served in the military. He came back. He worked as a firefighter. He worked in the military, which tells me by the way, how grateful America is to, to those who provide IT services America
So anyways, he comes back, he works as a firefighter, and then he works also as a paramedic. Right. But then something happened and he couldn't make some payments and, and he decided to give up his rental property so that, you know, and he spent maybe one night outside, you know, as, you know, outside on the street until he is back on his feet. And he ends up being homeless for I think over a year or something.
So she, when she learned her story, she started his story, she started a GoFundMe account for him with with a target of $10,000. Last time I checked, which was like four or five days ago, there was $387,000, collected for him.
Right $20 soda.
So what I'm saying the point here is that we can't take anything for granted.
could happen overnight, you're in the nicest place. So imagine that kind of
loss from huge palace, to being homeless. From Jenna, to planet earth.
With nothing, this earth was not like the way it looks now. Nothing, and no one there only wild animals, and insects, and reptiles, and all kinds of creatures that they're not used to, they're not aware of, they don't even know which one is dangerous, which wasn't, which is not what is edible. What is all of this they had to learn on their own.
How to make shelter for themselves, how to clothe themselves, how to make food, how to hunt, all of this animal instead of has to learn. Can you imagine how hard that is? Any from gender where you don't even have to go and worry about you know, picking up your clothes from Dry Cleaners or from wearing something or from picking something you have everything is given to you to having to do everything from scratch.
By the way,
have you ever come across any narration or any verse in the Quran that said, Adam and Eve, Adam and Howard spent the first 10 years fighting
each one of them blaming the other one for where they ended up? No.
Struggle together. She didn't say Adam, it's your fault. We ended up here. He didn't say it's your fault. We ended up here. They made it work.
They made it work.
And they had children
and more children.
And through them a loss of Hannah hota Allah allowed humanity to
to flourish and expand and prosper. They get the reward of everything. Because if they didn't make it, imagine if they were not survivors. They didn't stay together. They didn't stick together. They didn't help one another. And, you know, be loyal to each other and work hard together. Imagine what would have happened. They didn't survive
that they had to did have you ever come across a narration that says Eve had a nervous breakdown.
Or Adam just lost it and he just went became homeless, whatever winner
and he just gave up and walked away. You're, you're the reason they didn't give him.
And it wasn't it wasn't easy. Right? This was caused by an external factor and external enemy. This enemy Also, sometimes, you know, though, chypons greatest target is to break a marriage. But anything less than that also is except you know, chitown we'll work on that. Yeah. Shaytan can destroy the relationship between siblings as well. And I'm going to give you an example of that. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Hadith collected by Muslim says, in a shape on is to know a wheelbarrow out of Shahada that shape on places or his throne is on water from a brothel. celaya and then he sends his his soldiers or assistance. He sent them in groups, right? He deploys
So maybe, sir I have a nurse he sends him to a Crapo home in the home and zillah avevamo home in the home fitnah. Then when they report back to him, those who cause the most most fitna, whoever can cause more fitna fitna means what?
Evil trial tribulation, whoever can achieve or cause more evil. The shavon basically promotes him
he will get the best promotion. So
so the Prophet said
Big we're headed home for pulu magazine to be funan Hata turaco coolcat our cover?
Oh, I kept tempting him until he said such and such maybe a statement of cover, or he said something bad. Like, you know, so a police a police, by the way is the chief Satan, Satan, the one that went after it, you know Adam and Eve.
So Iblees says to this young amature,
rookie, right? rookie, Satan or rookie agent of his, he didn't do anything, nothing. It's not a big deal. Maybe tomorrow he will repent to a loss of habitat, what's the big deal? Then another one comes to him and says, Oh, I kept tempting him and pressuring him. And I kept pushing her pushing him pushing their buttons, you know, until they separated
until I managed to separate them for up to bainer who have been led. The Prophet said, other fellow caribou. ajni who altissimo then the Prophet said, then at least at that point says, Oh, you come here, come near me. You deserve a promotion, does a good job. Good job.
Right. He goes after relationships, households, marriages, he wants to destroy because he knows you know, and inshallah Tada, we're going to have a session and maybe in a couple of months on the destructive
on the consequences of divorce. A lot of people don't realize they think divorce. Yeah, it's a walk in the park. Yeah, it's not working out. You know, there are. So this is, this is something serious. What else does shaytan do sometimes between siblings.
Use of La Silla. When he told his father about his dream, his father told him the following on a laptop so sudo la vida que la Qaeda in a shape wanna live in San yado. Moving, he said to him, oh, my son do not relate your vision, the dream that you had to your brothers, or they will.
They will. They will conspire against you.
They will forge a plan against you, they will go after they're jealous. He knew that they were jealous. But the point here is that he told him watch for for your brothers, they may be jealous. And then he says to him in the shade on idol insanity, I do one movie. For indeed, Satan. Man is a manifest enemy. In other words, Satan will try to, you know will go after your brothers. And he will use the animosity or the jealousy that they have against you, he will use it to cause them to do to harm you and do something. And I don't want that to happen.
You of course, Jaco Jacob was was trying to prevent the inevitable. And it actually happened. They did conspire, and he basically missed him. You know, he was a missing child for a long time. He basically couldn't, did not spend the rest of his childhood with his father. He lost him for years for decades. until until he ruled Egypt, Elisa. Right. So but the point here is that shaytaan matters. And that's why one has to be very careful, even with siblings, you have to be very understanding. So be very careful, even with your siblings.
Be careful with your sibling, be careful with what you share.
Be careful with what you post.
Be careful with what you brag about,
be considerate of their feelings, be considerate of their financial status or state be considerate of their difficulties and their their, their, their challenges that they have. You know, it's just not right. You may have a sibling or a cousin, right? who's struggling financially. And then you keep sending them on Facebook, or you keep posting on Facebook or sending them on WhatsApp, you know, parties and things that you go to your attendant you do yourself and they can't afford any of that stuff.
or things that you were or what your children do and all of that. They can't afford any of that. Be careful, be considerate of their feelings. You can do that.
You know, some people you know, we have freedom here we can go and do whatever we want. We want we post and we do things maybe we have some relatives or some siblings who are living in areas in the world where they can do stuff like that. And and we and we know that it's you know a lot of people and we pretend like we're happy that we're having fun and and they made
be struggling. They don't have the freedom that we have. They don't have the resources that we have. They don't have the money that we have. They don't have the liberty that we have. They don't have, you know, some handle law. You know, one time I was sharing something that I was doing in Laguna Beach
with people on the other side where they had snow and they had severe weather isn't like, they're like, oh, how we're lucky. No, I envy I hate you. Why are you doing this to us? And I'm like, Okay, I'm just, I'm just gonna be careful. Yeah, you may be, you know, you're enjoying a beautiful weather here, you're going out to the beach and stuff like that. And there are people there, maybe they're miserable, because their car broke down in the middle of a blizzard.
And next thing they know, the idea of trying to basically check their phone to see, you know, to call AAA, your your WhatsApp message pops up with you on the beach sitting in shorts and stuff like that. And you're enjoying, you know, having fun, they're gonna hate you for it. I
mean, we need to be careful.
Right? Sometimes we accomplishments Oh, look at what my childhood and how my child did that. And that, you know, graduated from this. And we we sometimes rub it in. And they're like struggling with their children.
They're struggling with their children.
They can't find opportunities for their children, their children are as smart as your child. But because of where they live, or because of their limited resources, they can send them to universities, or they may be in a war zone where they can't afford what what you can afford.
So we need to be careful. In the shift on an incentive, I don't want to be in he told him not to share his dream. Not his accomplishment, his dream. Yeah, this is a dream. It didn't even happen. He said, Be careful. Don't share it with them. If you think so you have to be careful. Right? Again, I don't want us to become paranoid and be doubtful of people. But which What I'm saying is the opposite. Be considerate. Be courteous, be considered. You know, my dad one time somehow it taught me a beautiful lesson. We went somewhere to a village and where he was born to him a lot. You know, I was wearing a suit and you know, no tie. He was wearing a suit. But when we got there, he took he
he untucked his shirts. Right. And and, you know, somehow sometimes you untuck the shirt, it's the same suit, but you can't take the shirt and it looks What?
It looks casual. It looks cheap. Right. So I was saying that, why don't you just tuck in it? Like?
That's like, again, I repeated it, you know, why don't you tuck it in? You know, and i and i was i was somehow although I was envious of his children, nobody there to, you know, sometimes. So I was like, Daddy, you want me to? Is there anything? He's like, No, no, no, no, I'll tell you later. So later that night, he's like, son, when you go somewhere, to his people try to look to try to blend in and look like the people of that place. Don't don't show up. In some places, by the way belt, a belt is
like a leather belt is a luxury.
So perhaps he was trying to hide the belt, and just like blend in and look like everybody. It's like, this is a place that I'm coming back to after 16 years. to them. This is someone that went out, traveled and made it and came back. Right. And they remember him as a young kid that didn't have anything when he left the town. So he didn't want to go back and show off. He wanted just to humble himself with everyone. And he was very, you know, as welcoming and as excited people were, he would be even more excited and more welcoming in and he kept humbling himself. Anyone that remembers him, you know, man, lots of how and he was a very respected person. And in that in that town, that
day, I learned a very valuable lesson, a beautiful lesson.
And then he told me a story that of him and the
child from his neighborhood. When he was young. He was telling me, he was telling me your grandfather, used to send me read clothing from Syria. His grandfather, his father, his father, my grandfather, used to live in, you know, in Syria. So he said, You know, one day I received something and I put on new clothes for a day went out. Our, the neighbor's son, out of his friend basically in the neighborhood didn't have anything. And he was wearing his old clothes. So he's like, Where's your eat cloth? He's like, I don't have eight cloth. He's like, you don't have a dad or someone who lives in Damascus that sends
me you know, he's like, No, I don't have that. So he goes home changes into his old clothes and him, he goes out and he plays with him. I said, Why did he do that? He said, because I didn't want him to feel bad.
Right? But this is just his personality. This is who he was even when he was little, but he taught me a beautiful lesson of just being you know, how, you know consider other people's feelings, right?
Because that could cause them to
to be envious of you
By the way, this is also a great lesson to be learned between couples between husband and wife because sometimes some people do the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
of what he taught us is that it's not appropriate, it's not appropriate for a man to when a man, let's say, eats a meal or, you know, he should feed the members of his household, his wife and his children have the same food.
And there is nothing, there is a prohibition for for a man or a woman. When you feel a bit more amin Duna ha,
there is a prohibition for him, for a man to
to have a special meal to basically give himself the privilege of having a particular meal, you know, and not share it.
Yeah, Annie, because I remember one time I was dealing with a case, and then, you know, without specifying the gender, you know, one of one of the spouses was was telling me, she, you know, this person basically brings steak, and certain certain type of steak and instructs everybody in at home, not to touch it, that's for for that person. And especially, I paid for it, I enjoy it, I love it. And I don't want to share it.
sickness that you can do,
you can do that.
Today, also, I share the story, right from the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam the Prophet peace be upon them. I shut up the lohana someone came to her and said, Do you mind if I take you know, it's just getting very hot here. I showed a lot her and her she said, a man. You know, someone from Benny sawada came to Russia asking her about the character of the Prophet. What was the prophet like? So? So she said he was his character was of the court and he was a great man. He resembled the Quran. He was a he was an embodiment of the Quran. Then she told him a story. I told him a story to show him to make her point. She said one day the Prophet was was with his companions,
apparently maybe in the masjid, which was next door. So she said I made food for them.
While I was making food, have some made food as well have saw is the CO wife the other way.
And then she said and have saw beat me to it. So have you finished the meal quicker than Ayesha. And she sent it and I should seeing this. So she said when I saw that, I told the maid I instructed the maid to go and either push have sauces made, or to take the plate and drop it, like push her so that she would drop it.
So she said she did that. Think of it as a casa. He said the container the bowl, which used to be made of perhaps clay fell down and it broke into pieces and the food was all over the leather mat. They used to have leather mat, you know on they used to eat on top of the leather mat. So she said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the prophet kept collecting the broken pieces and the food.
Right. And then he collected whatever he was able to get from the food and they ate it. They still ate it.
Right, him in the middle. And then my plate or my, my ball arrived. I should have sent the book fresh, you know, fresh food that was just cooked. He said when it arrived the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told the maid to take it to hafsa.
And he said, Tell her to keep the ball because her bow was broken, and to enjoy the food.
And he said and she said and that was the end of it.
That was the end of it. She said she was afraid of the promises of them. When he comes home. He may be you know upset with her. She said he did not his face did not even change. He didn't make a big deal out of it. In another narration. It said that the Prophet smiled and he said a lot of Tomoko murer mother meaning Ayesha became jealous. This is the result of her jealousy. So he was very understanding and accommodating Salalah and he was sent Sallam he didn't make a big deal out of it. How was her nature her jealousy got the best of her. But of course he had to be just and replace have sauce have sews ball with another one. Right. So
so what what else? What are the other you know, there are a lot of destructive elements but I will just share one more and inshallah we'll conclude or we open the floor for q&a and last
How to Allah also tells us in the Quran, that of the causes of the destruction of members of family or the family unit itself is when there is infidelity or when there is piano or when there is
treachery or deception, right. And this I of course, is referring to something in particular Allah subhanaw taala gives an example, by the way, this is, this is at the end of Surah attari sort of, there is a story behind it. They say that,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
had, of course, I should have soda, and then one of his wives was Xena. And Xena was a very zeyneb and Sophia, were very good when it comes to cooking and food and all of that. So there was a particular meal, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam used to enjoy that, you know, right, and one of their homes. And I should have said, didn't, you know, we're both not too happy about that. So they, the two conspired,
the two had a little, they played a little game with the processor.
Also, something else happened the prophet SAW, Selim told one of them, I forgot which one it was, he told one of them something and he told her to keep this between us.
So she went and she told the other one.
So Allah Subhana, Allah revealed to the Prophet that she actually told her the conversation that happened between her and the other one. So the Prophet went and confronted her with it. He said, By the way, did you tell so and so 123 and he didn't say everything. He just gave her half half of what she said. And he said, Who told you that? Does she tell you that? Who told you that? Is it Carlin a banyan animal habia, Allah Subhana, Allah told me, just in case, we forgot that he was a prophet, he let the other
so he's like, next time I trust you with something, keep it between us, you know, don't reveal the secret. So, so then they conspired, right? So when they conspired a lot reveal that conspiracy to the prophet SAW Allah, oh, sorry, they actually succeeded. What happened was there the conspiracy was when the Prophet comes to you. Tell him your breath smells.
So the process and I want to Ayesha and she said, Oh, my God, what is that smell your breath, you know?
And he's in the process and I'm okay. So, and then he went to have saw, right and have says the same thing. Now that they both said it, it must be what must be true, right. So the prophet SAW Selim felt like okay. And the Prophet, one of the one of the
you know, there was something about the Prophet he was very sensitive when it comes to, to odor, like he did not eat garlic or onions, he didn't, you know, so to him. That was, so he said, Well, ah, he, I will not eat that food anymore again. And this was his favorite meal cooked by, this is what they wanted to get to, they wanted him to vow not to. So he said, I will not eat it. So he basically forbade himself from it. So a lot of yield to him in the poor Ania yohanna bu Lima to hairy Mama, hello, love like, oh, Prophet, why do you make that which God made local to you? Why do you make it unlawful? Why do you forbid yourself from something a lot of them for video telling him
a lot as logic to please your wives will love.
Then Allah Subhana Allah spoke to them directly that stopped paying this kind of game with the Prophet of Allah, if you conspire against him, if you rally each other against him, know that Allah subhanho wa Taala gibreel. And the believers are standing behind him. You don't need to play this kind of husband and wives need not to play the you know, this, this game of deception with one another. And that's why Subhana Allah, they don't need to play games with each other. Oh, you know, sometimes couples do things to get him to do something, you know, they use the children go to Baba this, go tell mama this, or he tells his mother in law or understand if it's something cute and
something nice and you're trying to surprise someone, you know, with a party or something, you know, but playing games in and of itself and being being you know, this this art of deception is not. Marriage is not the place for it. Marriage is supposed to be built upon trust, honesty, clarity. Right.
And that's why in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala. You see, this is what I love about the Quranic directive. The Quran, and Islam in general, is very pragmatic, very realistic, very balanced. It does not deny us. So for instance, there is a verse that talks about how Allah Subhana Allah knows if someone becomes attracted to a widow
To a woman whose divorce final divorce not not first or second, but a woman who's who has gone through final divorce, but it still is in her character.
Or a woman who lost her husband, but she's still mourning in the mourning period. Right? she's she's, she has to wait for four months.
And let's say there's someone that knows her or someone who's interested in her. Islam says during this time, you're not supposed to. Right, go and approach him about marriage. It's not appropriate. It's it's not appropriate, wait until this waiting period is over. Right? And Allah knows, if you kind of suggests or if you try to, you know, so, so awesome how that says, Don't say anything that is not appropriate.
Right? Don't say anything that is not appropriate, and do not secretly have
meetings or conversations with them. Secret conversations, and secret relationships are not allowed.
It's not appropriate. Marriage is not supposed to be based on something like that. We're not allowed to I don't know Sarah, in the intercooler, column alpha, beautiful book. So Allah Subhana, Allah says,
In an interview and forsaken Anima la coruna Han, Allah in the Quran says Allah knows that you will be thinking about them, that you will be you have feelings towards them, but don't act upon it. So a law doesn't say, oh, you're bad for having that feeling. Or you're bad for having that thought. Now, if the thought is just hold on to it for wait for the right time, and do it in the right fashion.
Right, don't do anything prematurely.
So this is the beauty of the craft. So it acknowledges and recognizes the feeling is and the laws of attraction, and chemistry and all of it does not deny us that. But at the same time, it tells us to go about it in the in the most appropriate in the most, in the most honorable of ways.
So one of the at the end of that sutra that talked about the the the voice, or the prophet SAW Selim conspiring and all of that a lot. So he just helped, you know, told,
gave us two examples, an example of a believing woman who was with
the wife of round, and then the example or before that the example of two women who oppose their husbands and deceive their husbands and did not believe in
did not believe in Allah subhanho wa Taala and denied their husbands. And that is an example of the wife of new and the wife of
the wife of Noah, and the wife of loads. These two prophets, they were messengers and prophets knew he was a prophet with a with a with 950 years of data.
And one of the people that did not accept him was his wife, his own wife,
his own wife.
because it's all in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala. But as a faithful wife, she should have been someone who knows no, you know him, you know him.
But she preferred either the way of her son because her son rebelled, or the way of the people of that time, she's like, oh, how could you be writing everyone else's wrong?
Right, because sometimes this is, you know, this happens, or sticking with her husband is gonna make her look bad in front of you a lot. And what's her motive was, we don't know the details, but she knew knew of to be an honest man and prophet. She knew him because he was his wife. But she still
she still was not faithful. Alright, so of course. And the other example is the example of the wife of loot lot, who, again, was supposed to be with her husband, but she used to do things behind his back.
Right. And she used to conspire with the people of, you know, according to the biblical narration, Sodom and Gomorrah, right, she used to conspire with them, and so she was doing things behind her his back. So Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about how,
you know, this brought this relationship to an end, it was very destructive. Allah Subhana Allah says, Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved the wife of Noah and the wife of lot. They were under two of our righteous service, but betrayed them. So the profits leads to profits. Those profits did not avail them from Allah at all. And it was said to them to these two women in
Turn the fire with those who enter. So they were, they were doomed. Likewise the other example is the example of Pharaoh and his wife. And the example of Pharaoh and the wife, it was the other way around. The wife was righteous servant of Allah Subhana Allah, the husband was a tyrant, one of the worst tyrants in history. And Allah subhanho wa Taala destroyed him.
Actually, according to some narrations, Pharaoh ordered her his wife to be executed in some in one of the most brutal ways. And Allah subhanaw taala gave her a palace in gender. And eventually a Pharaoh was destroyed.
As she made due to a loss of habitat, she said, Oh, la saved me from this tyrant, and from his army, and a loss of habitat. And not only did he destroy him, but he destroyed the entire army.
May Allah Subhana, Allah preserve us and this is why I say Subhana Allah, in especially in America relationship or with our parents, right? To wrong, a member of your household is one of the worst forms of injustice. And that's why if someone is dealt with unjustly, and they make dua against the wrongdoer
that will reach reach heaven, that, that prayer, that application is going to strike sooner or later. And that's why people have to be careful. People have to be careful of wronging their spouses wronging their children or their parents, because if they make do, I have no doubt, and I have seen and I have heard, and I have myself examined myself, you know, I'm not even talking about stories from the past, I'm talking about
stories from our time of people who suffer the consequences of the, of the wrong actions they took against their spouses, and in the time of the process, and and we know that, you know, when one of the great companions, I was having an assignment, he was a good companion, you know, very old, but when he was done with his wife,
he suspended her, and this was from the practice of Jehovah, that Islam came in abolished.
Right, Islam said, You can't do that, you can do stuff like that. So he did it, which is very unethical, very unethical, you know, during the time of Jeddah, before Islam, and I'll just close with this, you know, a loss of the, the, the, some of these tribes, they used to have laws if a woman if a man dies, right, his journey, by the way, is a pre Islamic period before Islam before the Prophet send and receive the message. So, in the in those days, in some tribes, if a man dies, right,
his relative or the closest of his relatives, can come and claim any his wife's
any of his wife. And he claims her by throwing
by throwing you know, one of the practices was he would throw a garment or a sheet on top of her. So that means she's hers is, and he somewhat sometimes so so he then he will examine her if he likes her, if she's beautiful, he will marry her. If she's not, then she he forbids her from marrying anyone, so that when she dies, he can repossess all her belongings, or whatever she took from that from the husband, from his brother or from so Allah Subhana, Allah said, he can do that. The Quran came and says, When I hit the documentary, Tony Sakura, ha,
ha, ha, we barely meditate.
Well, you know, they're not Europe properties, you can do that.
You know, so the plan came and forbade this, this kind of,
you know, practice.
Also, women enjoy here, you know, this is just to kind of keep the balance, a woman can come and,
you know, have relationship with as many men as she wants, and then she can go to any one of them, maybe there is just one of them, and say, if she, if she becomes pregnant and has gets, you know, gives birth to a child, she will come and she will tell him, you're the father. And you have to do this and this and this, and he has to obey that he has to follow it. She can basically attach or make a claim to any one of them. She wants. And that's it. Now he's obligated to take care of him and all of that. And, and Islam came and said, You can't do that. Right, this is this is mess, this is a mess. And so, you know, the Prophet came, Islam came to bring, you know, this beautiful balance
and to restore, you know, family values and to preserve them and protect them so that we don't have the type of mess that they used to have. And unfortunately, nowadays, we're reliving that mess. We're reading
Living in that mess when I allow my loss of habitat to preserve us and protect us, does not qualify for being such a wonderful audience. If you have any questions, comments, please feel free. We can make maybe five takes five minutes.
What? If there's anything I can answer or?
Yes, next Sunday, we have blood drive. And we have the business fair, or we have Muslim businesses coming up. What garage sale, please come join us and give blood.
So we want your money and your blood shall know these this, we're just showing this. We're showcasing Muslim businesses. And I think it's important for us to come and support them. If you have any questions about any of the things that I said. It's great to see you again. Any quick Yes.
So how will I have a whole page on this somehow in law?
The Prophet sallallahu I think, by the way, one of these, thank you for asking this question. One of the one of the most
one of the worst
sins, it's a major sin is to cause division between a husband and his wife. Right, or a wife and her husband, especially if it leads to,
to divorce. But even if it doesn't lead to divorce, if it's so, so to cause animosity or hatred or conflict, or you know, between husband and wife is one of the worst since that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
and it's, it's a serious sin so seriously, and it has different forms. One of the forms could actually prevent somebody from entering gender. And so one has to be very careful. So for instance, you know, you're not, we're not allowed to tell couples things about each other that they said behind each other's back or like, reveal each other's secrets. Or you know what your husband said about you, you know, what your husband said to my husband about you? Right? As a matter of fact, we're not even supposed to like, I'm not supposed to go and tell my wife, what my friend told me about his wife, because there's a chance that she may end up telling hurt, right? So you're not
supposed to do that. Right? Or, you're not supposed to reveal. Like, you're not supposed to say things like, let's say you see a couple, one of them is good looking. The other one is not one of them is rich. The other one is that you can't even make remarks like, oh, why did he marry him? What did you see in him?
You know, or you can't say what do you like about your wife? I don't, or things like oh, I don't know why you live with somebody like that.
Right? or to even Yanni sometimes we will do it in a in a in a very
you know, they will say things like
you know, she she is she is either you know too too beautiful for someone like you or vice versa or they will say they will say you know
you know he's too handsome for you or things like that. very insensitive, right?
This is not allowed.
And it's not obviously I'm in the process of sending said is he's not or to reveal any anything or or to bring anything from their past.
Did you know that he was married before he did he know what he engaged he was engaged with somebody did you know that she was in love with the you know, with somebody and you can do something like that?
It's a major sin.
So how Allah and Allah subhanaw taala says that when two if two individuals get in between a husband and wife or one individual, let's say you are brought into a marriage conflict, your aim, your goal and your objective should be to restore and to rectify, and to mend this relationship to make things better not make them worse.
You're supposed to help this couple
You're supposed to do a slide. And the profit or loss of habitat in the Quran says in your reader, you have a low beta, gamma. If that is truly their intention, Allah will make it work out. And that's why during the time of Omar, if any, any individual or two individuals come in between a couple who are fighting Rama used to instruct the the judges, he used to say, make sure that you make it work out, because if it doesn't work out, I'm gonna beat you.
It's like I'm trying to counsel. Yes, if it doesn't, they say why would you beat me if it doesn't work out? He says because the law says annuity. That is law you Habana Houma. If they truly intend to make this workout Allah will make it work out. If it fails. That means you didn't really do a good job. You didn't you are not sincere. Because if you're sincere, it should work out. That's a big burden. I can't take it I can, you know, but I'm just saying this is how this is this is how important it is to try to save and preserve marital relationships.
imagine a humble Oh, by the way, the worst form of it is to actually order or command or encourage someone to divorce his wife.
Right now mom has been humbled.
A man came to him told him that his father ordered him to divorce his wife
Abby Maroney and Apollo Tamati Allah tala aka Mr. Mohammed said to him, don't divorce her. So this guy, this man said to him, I met Elisa Omar, Mr. Abdullah Abdullah Abdullah annual Talia Camerata de dinero Marvin hakab order his son to divorce his wife
and his son had to obey him.
So he said to him, mmm, I said to this to this, this is from the time of mechanismen humble, which was like third century
history, right, like 1100 years ago.
So because nowadays some people come to me, you know, I had cases where someone came in said, Oh, my mom is asking me to divorce my wife and like, Okay, are you gonna do it? He's like, well, I heard that Omar asked his son to do it, and his son had to do it.
So we say to them what mmm I said to this man and his son, he said to him, had ty akuna Abukar Mr. Omar rhodiola. And he said, when your father is like, Omar, then you listen to him.
That is a special case, we're talking about a woman hooked up. Not anyone. So you're telling me now Your dad has the wisdom. And he has the taqwa has the, you know the fear of a loss of data and has the understanding of Rama. Rama had a reason. As a matter of fact, when a man went to, you know, went to him and said, I want to divorce my wife. He said, Why are you divorcing your wife? He said, because I don't love her. And I'm gonna want it to beat him up. He said, Who told you that households are all based on love? And this is his like, this is a wife of yours that has spent all these years with you if she's willing to still live with you keep her. So you know what has got, you
know, what has love got to do with it, as they say.
Right. So, Mr. Shea Hollis Lamanna Tamia
said regarding case Miss Ella, of a man whose mother demands from him to divorce his wife, he said lie ahead.
He's not allowed to divorce his wife. He should. Then he said Bella la baraha.
What is affiliate for marotti memberi. He said, your obligation towards your mother is to do better to be dutiful to her and to be kind to her. And you do you divorcing your wife has nothing to do with you being kind to your mother? How is divorcing? How's it hurting someone or breaking your relationship with someone going to benefit another person? This has nothing to do with this. So he said his obligation is to try to basically right please his mother and do whatever he can do to make her forget and you know, do everything for her and to be kind to her Jani at the same time. By the way, he cannot go to his mother and say you want to devote you want me to divorce my wife? I'm not
going to do that you're a bad woman. He can't do that. He could he will still have to go and be dutiful to her and be kind and everything but not divorce his wife.
You get my point? Is this clear? So He neither divorces his wife, nor does he go back and talk back to his mother.
And if his mother brings it up again, he will say mom, I can't do that. And if his mother says like, you know, I'm not going to be pleased with you don't ever talk to me. He will say okay, I'll he will he will have to continue to what try to please his mother and do whatever he has to do.
Even if he goes to his mother and every time she sees him, she slaps him.
Unless he divorces his wife, let him take the slap and say to his mother Alhamdulillah, you slapped me on this cheek? Now the other cheek is jealous, right? Take care of it. You know, you can slap me all you want.
I enjoy you slapping me as long as it's gonna make you feel better.
So, but I am not, he can't do that.
One last question. Yes.
Now a short answer. Now, um, there is a study that says that, and I don't I don't understand that. But I can. Yeah, I can do some revision of the shahadi in Charlottetown. So ask me next week, inshallah, I will try to have an answer for you. Yes. One last question. Yes, yes.
Okay, now, I think we need to do a workshop on divorce, unfortunately, because people don't know how to, you know, there is there's Okay, in a nutshell.
This is this is just one, one. This is how if a couple cannot live together, and if a husband and wife cannot live together, and the husband is now convinced that divorce is the only way or she wants to divorce, and he wants to divorce her. So what they have to do is, he must not divorce her while she is on her period. That's number one. It's not allowed. It's Haram in some, many scholars don't consider it valid. Number two, he cannot divorce his wife, and should not divorce his wife during a time where they had intimacy. So so they will have to wait. So the husband is very upset and angry this weekend, and he cannot get over his anger. He needs to deal with the anger until next
He can do it now. That's it. So that you don't act upon the anger, it has to be a decision that is made after you know well thought of, right. And it's you know, so so the the man has to wait until she gets her period. And then she's off that period. And then he can say the divorce. And he must not divorce multiple times in the same period or in the same month. So he can only say divorce once an issue one divorce, which is considered a law tragedy.
After he uttered that, after he utters that, or he says the divorce, right. They're not automatically divorce, what we see in some cultures and drama or philosophy, as soon as he says she has to leave it, this is nonsense, she has to wear hijab, no, there is still husband and wife. They separate, right? But they're still husband and wife. Not only are they still husband and wife for the next three cycles, they're actually supposed to be kind to each other, they're supposed to be nice to each other, they're supposed to dress up, they're supposed to show each other the best of just in case, there is room for reconciliation, if there's no room for reconciliation, at least the
ending of their relationship, they leave on a good note. It doesn't have to be vicious, and it doesn't have to be bitter. And it doesn't have to be bad. It doesn't have to be evil, at least the memory of the last three months of them together, they have the best of memory together, right? So So that's, that's how it's done. Once the three cycles are over, then the divorce takes effect becomes effective. So now they're no longer married, they go their separate ways. Now, after the first if it happens once or twice,
they have the the option to come back together. If they believe that they can make it work out. If they believe that they can make it work out. Islam gives them a second chance and a third chance so they can come back together.
If they don't believe that it's going to work out there, of course open to consider anyone else. Right? She's considered to consider anyone else can if they have children, can they after they get divorced or they re marry someone else? Can they still interact with each other Of course, they can interact with each other. He is the father of her children and She is the mother of his children. You know, that portion. Once you make a child with a person together, you're you're there is a bond of course and they're supposed to, you know, honor one another and and be kind to each other. They didn't you know
And there are many cases of Sahaba. And so have yet you know, multiple cases, I don't wanna say many cases, there were multiple cases of Sahaba Sahaba yet where it didn't work out, you know, and they divorce.
Right and then after the divorce, she married someone else, maybe his friend, maybe his cousin. They did not become enemies. As a matter of fact, they were cases where you know, someone may even recommend his ex to somebody else that they care about. Maybe I wasn't the best person for them. But I know knowing you, you will be Charlotte either a good person a good a good match or you she will be a good a good match. Right? Nowadays you only recommend your ex to someone that you hate.
Along with Allah Allah Allah.