Mohammad Qutub – University Life & Challenges – A Conversation

Mohammad Qutub
AI: Summary © The university setting is unique in providing opportunities for students to pursue their interests in the digital community, and the challenges faced by graduates include problems with marriage, delays, and problems with women. The importance of finding practical solutions and balancing personal and work life is emphasized, along with respecting time zones and finding a balance between work and personal life. Despite challenges, graduates find opportunities for growth and development.
AI: Transcript ©
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or later, everyone

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logical a FICO matches up from a player in for attending our events. And before anybody else, welcome back to the physical events console. First up 104. Today, we're having a sort of like podcast, titled university life, a thoughtful conversation with our beloved Sheikh Mohammed.

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So just to give a very brief background, where the chef, the chef has a master's in saluting and comparative religion from iulm, Islamic, Islamic International University, Malaysia, and she has a chronic lessons and other equalizers. And he has over 15 years of experience in the field. Other than that, he has a bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering from the United States of America. So she has worked with people which is up North America at some time to come and make us benefit from

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So inshallah We'll start today. And the burning question about all students when they come to university, is do grades even matter. Because some, some students they come in, because they've been told, read through imager and invitees, my own lecture. So many grades don't matter. And you know, on the flip side, you have your parents always pushing you to get flying photos. So some students they study just enough to pass or the students decide you really are so should we strive to get good grades in university should

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I praise a lot of Lady and I said prayers and blessings. I'm not some of them I have seen them is over family righteous.

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And all those that follow the thread guidance until the day of judgment I mean

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glory be to you or law knowledge have we accept that that you have policy means you are the ongoing we are wise.

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Brothers and sisters as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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First of all, just, it doesn't mean much. But the introduction is a little bit, a little bit old. And Hamdulillah, I got the PhD. I finished the I did my Bible. So I got the PhD.

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And, yeah, just had the luck, you know, we tried to make progress as time goes on. And that's what our lives are about, right?

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Don't make any two days of your life equal to one another, right? Let every day count. Keep making progress, keep learning more. Right. Keep achieving inshallah.

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And I think that's a good segue into your question about grades. Keep in mind, I'm a parent, right? So I'm going to try to answer you as objectively as possible. Do grades matter, especially in university, we know for a fact they matter in high school, right? Because it matters where you get into college, ultimately, do they matter in the university?

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Keep something else in mind, which is, how important is your university education? Right? Everyone wants to go to university, everyone believes that you need to have a degree, it's the only way to be successful.

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How much of what you're learning in university, you will actually use right later on in your life in your work? That's an interesting question. And I think different people may have slightly different answers. I worked in my field for about 10 years. Okay. It's a decent period of time. How much did I use of what I learned?

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maybe 20%.

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This is not to say that what you're learning in university is not important. But it is to say that in university, you're learning how to think and how to use certain academic skills in the real world, right? So it doesn't completely

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erode and the value of being a university if you don't use a lot of what you learn,

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but it just tells you that

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There's a lot more out there once you get into the real world, right? And it also depends on where you work and whether you work in your field or not, or how related your work is to the line of study that you were in. In terms of grades.

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Let's put it this way, I think grades might be

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becoming slightly less important, not maybe for the reasons you're thinking, but rather, because

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education itself I think, is changing. Okay, the the, if you look at the landscape, for education, it's changing. There's a lot more online right now, there are a lot of practical skills that people are using, and now with social media and things like that. So the landscape is changing. The work landscape is changing. Okay, you know, things that we studied, maybe brother, we still need to kind of modify the slide.

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I focus on who gets the mic.

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Maybe you turn off the light.

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Until you ask the next question. That help.

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works, okay, so

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as this landscape is changing, a lot of people now are becoming successful, sometimes without even using much of a university education. Okay, you can become almost like a business person, just by getting online. Okay, and doing something in E commerce and stuff like that. So there are a lot more opportunities that are presenting themselves. And

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that's why some people may be saying, oh, grades don't matter that much.

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But again,

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such questions you have to keep looking at both sides on play the the angels advocate, right. Which is to say,

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that might be the case, if you are very intelligent, and you have the street smarts to make it out in the real world.

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If you have that. Yes, greats maybe don't matter very much. And we know there are geniuses and very successful people who are academically,

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not the brightest, right? Plenty of successful people in the real world. Well, academically didn't do very well. Okay. So if you have that kind of, like natural intelligence, right, then maybe the grades don't matter that much to you might do if you have that kind of intelligence, why aren't you using it to really excel, you might as well get good grades, study hard and get good grades. And don't be in a situation where, you know, you're just kind of passing by or you're just barely making it. Of course, from an Islamic point of view.

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A Muslim excels at what they do.

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Why not? Why not put that effort and get good grades? Finally, might not necessarily show on your resume? In some cases, it will, because then ask for the cgpa. Okay, so if you were getting, you know, C's all across in what is that a 2.0? Doesn't look very good, right?

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They don't always ask for it. Maybe it's enough to say, Oh, I have a bachelor, you know, from this university in this region, but sometimes you will put the cgpa or they might ask for it.

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So Islamically do your best Excel, a Muslim excels at what they do. And Muslim puts all the effort that they are the they're usually the best example. Okay? The prophets are 7% in Allah, Allah,

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that Allah loves that if one of you does anything, that they excel at it and they do their best Adam. So in general, Muslims should not have that kind of an attitude in the first place. Oh, just you know, manage all this do anything? No. Do your best get good grades? Why not? I say this as a parent and I'm saying that as a friend. Okay.

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Put your effort into it.

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If you you know, you're kind of suffering and grades because you're balancing so many other things or maybe you're in because of the circumstances you're in you have a job or something like that. That's a different story. But

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You can do it, you can achieve it and then you don't. That's a lost opportunity

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a function. So we mentioned about balancing is no. And, you know, as students, many of us struggle with balance, balance between studies, sports, games, and there's always an extreme, like, for example, you can find a students studying all the time. And whenever you meet him, he's always maybe on his laptop, but then we find other students skipping classes for the convenience twice, and maybe they follow the same C's get degrees. So how can one find balance and maintain it in university?

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Balance is a very important concept, as you know, for us as Muslims, okay, balances and everything. So, when we talk about something called wasabia, Islam, okay, the middle path, this is all about balance, it's about being balanced. Okay? A balance between dunya and akhira, a balance between

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the practical and the theoretical

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value of the heart and that of the limbs. It's a balance all across Islam, our religion is basically just the epitome of balance in everything. Okay? So now you need to find that balance. As a student at the university, you know, there's not going to be a cookbook, you know, or a recipe, this is what you follow, in order to find balance between you mentioned sports,

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deal and study, okay. And there are probably so many other things as well, that you're trying to balance in your life. You're just continuing, you're continuing what you used to do before possibly when you were in high school, and you need to find that balance. Now, I know it can be difficult. Believe me, I went through it.

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During the bachelors and to a certain extent, also during the masters of the PhD.

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For me,

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like my discovery of my love for Islamic knowledge happened around that time, the early years of college, right? So a lot of the time instead of sitting studying mechanical engineering, you know, you know, possibly have some Muslim open or Boothferry, or some book of fish, or the sea or something along those lines. So believe me, I, it was it was a challenge. I know about the challenge. But again, I can't tell you how you're going to find that balance. But this is what you need to try to do. Okay?

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And it's not impossible, okay?

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Seek Islamic knowledge,

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play sports and have fun

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doing in your studies. It's a constant balancing act, right? So, whenever you feel that you're starting to lag in something, you start to pull back, right? That's basically how you find that balance. You're gonna have to sometimes stop yourself and say, okay, you know, guys,

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I'm sorry, I can't do this, this week, I have an exam. And I'm really behind. You have to, sometimes you're

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you're going to have to deal with the

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circumstances as they come. Okay, so it's not always going to be something which is you know, you have a schedule, but for some reason, you couldn't follow the schedule, or I'm gonna study this many hours today and then I have this and that I have that but programming, scheduling, and good time management is part of finding that balance, right.

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There any other things as well? time with your friends, okay.

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Maybe looking for a job, right? Being active in the Muslim community in the Muslim society. And I was telling Brother, are you this is very important opportunity, brothers and sisters with very important opportunity that I think to a large extent you may not find again, okay? For being active, being active in Dawa being active in the Muslim society. The university setting is very unique in that way, because it gives you that opportunity.

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Ready to be active in the downline in a way that you may not find later on, you'll get busy with your work Shala you will get married, you will have children, you will be busy with stuff like that. Okay, to a large extent sha Allah, you will try to stay active and devil. But the university setting is unique like that. And I think successful students are ones who are able to work and find that balance between all of these different aspects

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one of the things that we mentioned is gearing down, like as an organization, but let's say for us, the students just individually and 100 during university rates with Muslims and non Muslims. So

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us as students, as Muslim students is important for us to give down to non Muslims. And if it is in this isn't enough to just have good character remains, or is it necessary for us to seek the necessary knowledge to give them the proper job.

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So again, on the line of

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being active doing our part of being active in the Muslim society is doing down

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the Hawa

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by calling non Muslims to Islam, and also by calling Muslims right to become more practicing, and to become more active, okay, in the society.

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How many Muslims are there? The university brothers sisters, any any statistics utilize?

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What's the maybe what's the percentage approximately of Muslims in the university?

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How did you get

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the real ones?

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What's the student population?

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Think around? 5000? Yes. 5000.

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Maybe 50 50% of our Muslims 3040 3040. I think that sounds about right. So quick calculation. So we have about what 2000 Muslims. Last one, how many do we have here?

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There's work to be done. Whereas the Muslims

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are they study?

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They study fight, they have an excuse?

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Or the their parents house?

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Or they're playing football?

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Are they somewhere they should be?

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Any answers?

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Do you know where they are?

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Do you care where they are?

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The our brothers dollar to Muslims first, and sisters. We are the Muslims? Right? And of course you do that to non Muslims as well? Where are those students? Where's the activism?

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That's when things start moving. You know, five, in the end, we know the end, it all rests on the shoulders of five people 10 People who do all the work, unfortunately, but at least you know, bring them get them active.

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Get them to become more practicing. Right?

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Help them. This is a time that is quite critical

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in the life of any Muslim student, okay.

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Some may even say that, you know, the university.

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period or phase can make or break. Okay, it's a critical period. Look after your brothers, where are they? Your sisters? What are they doing? Why are they active? Why don't they the tenant? Right? Is it? Is it because it has something to do with their religiosity? Or is it just, you know, I don't have time or I'm busy studying or something else. Right? So first of all, look after your Muslim brothers and sisters

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and try to

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make it a priority to see what's going on with those subsets. That's a large number. Right? And then I was you know, when I was in the US

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Muslims, society was quite active. How many Muslims watch us 2000 Definitely. Right. And even then, yeah, we would pack you know, even more than this in a hall for a lecture or something like that. Even activism, you know, people being asked

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In the society, so this is very important. So first of all focusing on Muslim, then of course the our to non Muslims, yes, it is a very useful setting for trying to get on Muslims to come as well. Okay, during lectures, possibly, maybe we can call it campus, that Allah and stuff like that there are many opportunities to reach out

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later on, it becomes more difficult to your colleague at work, you think to yourself,

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I'm busy with work, I'm not here for that one.

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You know, I can try to talk to him maybe later on or something along those lines, but the university settings, except one, quite easy. So

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character, or direct, that will definitely do direct dialogue. And it's, it's helpful to do so here. And it's, you know, there, the setting facilitates that

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data through character, this you're doing all the time. And

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this you're supposed to be doing all the time throughout your life, you are an example of a good practicing Muslim, for others to see. And your character is your dharma in that way. But that's throughout, there is nothing special about the university setting that will make it special but direct that is facilitated by the university setting. But of course, I'm not, I'm not in any way under estimating the power through character.

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It's one of the best ways Okay, and in fact, it is because of a perceived gap between character and religiosity, that a lot of non Muslims may not consider Islam because a lot of Muslims who seem to be

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rather ostensively practicing, but when you look at their character, you see that there is a big gap and this is a turn off. It's a turn off for Muslims before non Muslims. This is a major turnoff for Muslims before non Muslims and I give them two talks. I don't know if you've seen them. I put them on YouTube, about faith without manners and manners without faith. Two extremes that are both very bad and the one we're talking about here obviously, is faith without manners, okay, or religiosity and deed but no manners and I'm sure all of us have been exposed to this in one way or another so character is absolutely important for Muslims and for our democracies as well.

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So in regards to that answer your question no

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thank you Erica regards to doors to Muslims. For example, a person is studying with his friend and most of the time and then

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comes and then you can be like Brother, let's go to the masjid and then the friend is like are completely stressed. So could we discuss about how important it is to come to the masjid and pray this machine is where the mind increases rather than bringing together we have made sure lectures or classes at the masjid. So can we discuss this? Of course, this also applies to all settings,

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university or out of university. Right? Going to the masjid is a sign of Eman. Okay? And

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when you see someone constantly going to the masjid, this is a good sign that the person sha Allah is on the right track. Okay? Because the message is the house of Allah. Right. And it is where people get together for no other reason than to worship Allah subhanahu wa.

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And like I said, this applies to your university setting and out of university. All right. Apart from that, there are so many great rewards to be had

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by attending the

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congregational prayer in the masjid. Right. I do know and, and I think many of us have felt that expects, especially the foreigners, going to the masjid during the pandemic was hit, you know?

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We were hit very hard. Okay. We were deprived of the masjid for more than a year. Right.

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And I think and I can tell you, I'm one of them. You know, I admit, I am still suffering from that.

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And I know a lot of people are suffering from it and a professor just told me recently at his stack, that the pandemic affected people's Deen,

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you know, and it's difficult to get people now to come to the masjid SubhanAllah. So, it's definitely been hit hard. And I think it's something that we need to take into consideration so that we can slowly build that up all together again, right? Encourage each other remind each other of the importance of praying in Jamaica in the masjid, to get the inshAllah 27 multiples of rewards. By praying in the masjid getting the reward of walking to the masjid and coming back from the masjid, the reward of meeting up with the brothers and seeing them and

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coming together for no other reason that we're worshipping Allah subhanaw taala. Of course, there will always be

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other obstacles and preoccupations keeping us from mass shooting, right? Oh, like you said, I just have to finish this thing.

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Of course, if it's an assignment that needs to be that you're late for, and you have to immediately send it, okay, you might have an excuse there. But if you're just sitting around and you figure oh, I'll just, you know, I'll just continue my work and I'll go pray later. Well, you can also go pray and do your work later. And it may not affect your work in any way. In fact, sha Allah, Allah subhanaw taala will bless your time with bless your effort when you do that. And the question is not too far as it's walking distances. Some students leave at the end of the university.

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So they would have to how would they get there? So using the car or bus or so normally? Like the student sitting on the other end? Is by walking is usually 10 minutes. 10 To 15 minutes

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to the masjid. Okay, do you guys pray the prayers regularly in the masjid? Is there always a prayer that no more than five minutes?

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Okay, that's, that's very nice. Do you guys have a local surround nearby?

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Oh, you do? Okay. All right. So the sutra was one also

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be one of the obstacles, because people will end up saying, I mean, in the UAE and my university, you have the main messages, but then you have surrounding the dorms, right? And people end up praying that. But

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of course, if you choose, and you sacrifice, and you come all the way from there and you go all the way to the masjid, the whole way you're going you are being rewarded and Charma. Okay, and this is there are great rewards to be had them. If you do end up praying, let's say in your local Sudan, you're still getting challenging the word of the Jama. But to be close to the masjid.

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And missing the GEMA when it is a simple, you know,

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few minutes walk, you're, you're losing a lot. Okay. And of course, this is an issue scholars debated and some scholars were of the opinion that spraying in JAMA is much negatory. Right. And other scholars said that it is highly recommended but it doesn't reach the level of regiment there's a lot of like evidence, okay, that's close to the scholars use for for either opinion. But in both cases,

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like we said before, that

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the especially the youth whose hearts are connected to the massage, this is someone in sha Allah who will be in the shade of Allah subhanaw taala on this machine, but history on the Honor

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wherever frequently. So in regards to obstacles to from people, and biggest obstacles of people going to the masjid, one of the main obstacles that we realize is free mixing between men and women. So what advice do you have for us to or what advice do you have for us to like, get rid of this obstacle or minimize this obstacle so that you can have a better experience in university?

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This is one of the most difficult issues. I think that

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especially the youth face, and especially in a

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university where there are a lot of maybe non Muslims are there it's not a Muslim majority.

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In university, I experienced it firsthand. I did my bachelor's in the States.

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This is possibly one of the biggest obstacles. And one of the greatest difficulties, right? And

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I think one of the most important

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tools and instruments dealing with that is the fear of Allah subhanaw taala.

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We can go into the rules, and the details. But

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before all of that,

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okay for toquilla Mr. Barton, okay, feel alive as much as you can. And this applies in two ways. One, because nothing can help us right, to get over our knifes to

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battle the CHE pod.

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Then the fear of Allah subhanaw taala and constantly reminding ourselves and reminding our brothers and sisters.

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On another note,

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the issue of mixing, okay, between genders is actually not the most, let's say,

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clear, if

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meaning that there will be so many different situations that you have to deal with. And you don't always have a very clear answer. So sometimes you have to look at it as a case by case basis. Okay. So someone will come up and say this is the situation? Is it halal? Or haram? Is this free mixing or not? Right? And by the way, sometimes you will get different answers from different machines.

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Which tells you that there is some gray area there. This is why this emphasizes the importance of fear Allah.

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And each of you knows yourself best. And that situation best. And this is why fear Allah from that vantage point, which is, you know, better than the shift you're asking probably, if this situation is tenable or not.

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Simple example.

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You are working in a lab with

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a female, she's your partner, whatever it is, maybe it's for the whole semester. I don't know. Okay, Hello, there. Hello, can I can't tie? Do I continue? Do I Do something? Do I go to the professor and say, No, I need to be with a

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simple example. Right? So for whether or you know, he has this partner, but he doesn't find her that attractive.

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Simple example. You know, we have to be clear, brothers and sisters, right? So he thinks, Okay, this is okay. It's not a big deal. Okay. But for someone else for this other brother or this other sister.

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This is kind of an issue.

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So in that case, this situation may not be tenable for that other person, and maybe they aren't able to.

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There's no collusion. There's no, they're not in a place where they are completely alone in front of others. And they're not talking about anything other than the experiment they're doing, or the assignment they're doing, let's say, as an example,

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but this person finds her attractive. So here you have a problem. Here, Allah, the chef, or the person you asked, told you no issue. There is no Hello, right? According to the rules, there's no hardware you're not alone. Somewhere.

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There's no touching. Okay, another clear. Hello? Right. So fine. It's Hello. But oh, wait, you, you maybe there's an attraction there. Maybe this is affecting you, maybe this and that, right. So then we will say, Oh, wait,

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here, the photo will be different. But you are the only one who knows this. So this is where he stiffed you're kind of what comes in as well. Right? You know, when you're when you're asking or when you're doing the footwork. Look at your heart. Ask yourself, the chef doesn't know this. Right? You know this best. So this is why we can put Jack

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general rules, but in the end, you also have to look at it and judge also for yourself. So

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when talking about, of course,

00:35:14 --> 00:35:19

fearing Allah subhanaw taala, constantly reminding yourself avoiding

00:35:20 --> 00:35:51

places where such mixing possibly occurs if possible, okay? Unless it's in a very academic setting where it's not much of an issue for you, ultimately, the very clear guidelines are there cannot be Hanwha we cannot be alone, right? You cannot be completely secluded, because when that happens, the third one is the shame. Right as the province said, the other thing is touching, there should be a touch, right?

00:35:55 --> 00:35:59

On that note, I know some of you are young.

00:36:01 --> 00:36:10

Who's let's see, what's the average age of the room now? Is it 20s 2520s?

00:36:11 --> 00:36:13

Yeah, okay, Mashallah.

00:36:15 --> 00:36:16

Get married?

00:36:18 --> 00:36:36

It's not easy. It's not that easy. I know, Allah. I know, rather. I mean, but But by the way, my message hasn't changed in 20 years. I was saying this to students at the university that I was in, in the US getting married, and I was trying to get back, right.

00:36:38 --> 00:36:57

That's the solution. The Prophet also told us it's a solution. The fact that the world is making it difficult. And sometimes our parents are making it difficult. And our society is making it difficult is part of the problems we face as Muslims, unfortunately. But it is the solution.

00:36:58 --> 00:37:02

What's the world solution today? Oh, yeah, wait until you're 30.

00:37:03 --> 00:37:06

You have enough money? And maybe you have a house?

00:37:09 --> 00:37:12

What are you talking about? You insane person.

00:37:13 --> 00:37:20

The guy has been a teenager since he was 15. That's when he should have gotten married. That's what the Prophet SAW Selim said.

00:37:23 --> 00:37:25

And they're telling, you know, wait until you're 30.

00:37:26 --> 00:37:33

Okay. By then he probably doesn't need to get married, if he's not practicing. He's done everything he wanted to anyway.

00:37:35 --> 00:37:45

People are crazy. People are insane. When they talk about these things, and it's so unrealistic, try to get married, if you can.

00:37:46 --> 00:37:52

Maybe you have money. Maybe your parents have money. Maybe you found a golf maybe founder and university.

00:37:54 --> 00:37:55


00:37:56 --> 00:37:57

It was a brother's laughing?

00:37:59 --> 00:38:04

Why mother? Isn't that realistic? You have to try.

00:38:05 --> 00:38:16

You have to try. You cannot just laugh about it. Again, I'm telling you, my message is the same. I was telling my parents I want to get married when I was still in university.

00:38:19 --> 00:38:30

It didn't work is another issue. You try. You try. And if it works, and 100 enough, if it doesn't work, you're trying, right?

00:38:32 --> 00:38:33

In the States,

00:38:34 --> 00:38:35

I met

00:38:38 --> 00:38:39

my physics ta

00:38:40 --> 00:38:54

teachers assistant, right? Very smart guy. I mean, if you're a teacher's assistant in physics, you know, you're you're probably pretty smart. Right? I'm talking to him and I'm getting to know him. And like this guy, no one was

00:38:56 --> 00:38:58

very down to earth.

00:38:59 --> 00:39:07

You know, just seems like a reasonable claim. decent guy I even thought of, you know, calling him to Islam and stuff.

00:39:10 --> 00:39:12

And I figured what's up with this guy?

00:39:13 --> 00:39:17

And then I discovered he's married.

00:39:19 --> 00:39:31

He's not that old. I mean, he's a grad student, right? Probably pretty poor. Grad student doesn't have a lot of money. But guess what? He married, you know, another grad students. Right?

00:39:32 --> 00:39:34

And I understood.

00:39:36 --> 00:39:59

No wonder you're, you're you're you're down to earth and reasonable. You're already married. How old? Was he? I don't know. Maybe 2425. Something like that. For them. That's pretty early. Right? Play around until you're 3035 and then settle down, right, get married. But Muslims, that's not an option. Okay. Another example I need to sell

00:40:00 --> 00:40:02

My brother, Masjid.

00:40:03 --> 00:40:12

And same idea, guy seems very mature, reasonable down to earth. He's so young, right?

00:40:15 --> 00:40:17

Brother, what's going on here?

00:40:18 --> 00:40:24

He's like, my parents married me very well, with my whole day, you might have been 20 or 21.

00:40:26 --> 00:40:29

It's the solution. Brothers and sisters.

00:40:31 --> 00:40:36

It's difficult, maybe unrealistic. But we have to try.

00:40:37 --> 00:40:44

And maybe Allah subhanaw taala will open a pathway. Maybe you will find someone

00:40:46 --> 00:40:47

whose parents

00:40:49 --> 00:40:50

also realize that this is

00:40:52 --> 00:40:57

something that, you know, they would like as a solution for their daughter.

00:40:58 --> 00:41:07

And maybe they help out for me, and I continue to insist that this is a solution for like minded people, obviously.

00:41:08 --> 00:41:13

So if I'm a student in university, I'm not making money quite yet. Right?

00:41:15 --> 00:41:18

And maybe neither sheet, right? But

00:41:20 --> 00:41:36

if my parents are spending on me, or your parents spending on you, maybe we can have a show of hands, don't be shy. It's okay. Are your parents spending all your way to in university? Practically everyone variance? Okay. So

00:41:37 --> 00:41:41

my parents are spending on me to be a university, right?

00:41:42 --> 00:41:44

And her parents are spending on her.

00:41:46 --> 00:41:48

What's the problem? If we get married?

00:41:50 --> 00:42:06

I can't spend on her quite yet. My parents know that. Her parents know that. Right? My parents are going to spend on me all the way up until I graduate, and the same with her. And after that, Inshallah, I'm gonna get a job and she's gonna get a job.

00:42:07 --> 00:42:11

What's the problem? We're spending on me anyway? Right?

00:42:12 --> 00:42:16

If they might have to spend a little bit more, maybe give me a loan.

00:42:17 --> 00:42:20

And inshallah after I graduated, I started making money.

00:42:21 --> 00:42:22

I'll pay my parents back.

00:42:25 --> 00:42:30

And maybe she sees it that way as well. If you can find someone like minded,

00:42:32 --> 00:42:41

you might be able to pull it off. I know, it's difficult. I wasn't able to, but I think the reason I wasn't able to because I didn't find anyone, right? But

00:42:43 --> 00:42:55

is not so far fetched brothers and sisters. Is it? So like, you know, so out of this universe, oh my god, what kind of a solution is that?

00:42:56 --> 00:42:59

I think is quite practical, don't you?

00:43:00 --> 00:43:04

What is your solution? Then? Get married and three after you love crazy.

00:43:07 --> 00:43:09

What's your solution? Please.

00:43:13 --> 00:43:16

Fear Allah is is is the ultimate solution.

00:43:17 --> 00:43:36

But the Quran is and Allah is practical. You gives us practical solutions. Allah doesn't forbid a thing. Without giving us a hand an alternative, practical alternative. Fear Allah. You end up like the the priests.

00:43:38 --> 00:44:06

God forbid, becoming pedophiles and then him homosexuals and god knows what else because it is not practical. And the deen is practical. And it gives us practical solutions. And in sha Allah, everyone who stands in the way of someone getting married, where it is a practical solution, they will get the ithumba in sha Allah and the sin for standing in the way of

00:44:07 --> 00:44:12

someone wants to get married because they want to fear Allah.

00:44:14 --> 00:44:33

You think if you get married, fearing Allah no longer has a role? Of course it does. And it helps to fear Allah subhanaw taala. Right. We need these practical solutions. And I give you this example. This brother 100 Lucky had money.

00:44:35 --> 00:44:38

He could have used that money to disobey Allah.

00:44:39 --> 00:44:45

He used that money to get married. Right? So

00:44:46 --> 00:44:58

every one of you has a different circumstance and a different situation. Look at it as a solution and go after it and maybe allow it facilitated for

00:44:59 --> 00:44:59


00:45:03 --> 00:45:09

I think it's a good place to end inshallah fotografico must continue your

00:45:10 --> 00:45:18

play, I think we will open a q&a session for everyone. So if you have a question for the shift, just register, raise your hand.

00:45:19 --> 00:45:25

Any questions are accepted in Charlotte? For the sisters, I think we have a microphone first and the sisters.

00:45:26 --> 00:45:30

So any questions? Brothers and sisters?

00:45:32 --> 00:45:32


00:45:35 --> 00:45:48

questions. So ever since I came, like I enrolled in the university here, I realize that there's a slight problem with Muslims. A lot of them at least in my course.

00:45:49 --> 00:46:01

To be quite frank, like they insult the religion of Islam. Wow. And went right in this situation. I'm like, I don't know how to deal with this. Like, I feel anger. I feel

00:46:04 --> 00:46:05

like, I don't want to respond.

00:46:07 --> 00:46:07

Like you're,

00:46:08 --> 00:46:29

first of all, how do they insult as to who I think is what I realized. It's partially out of the ignorance sensing to arrogance. Okay, so no, no, I'll ask you like, actually, what do they do or say? So they kind of make fun of the

00:46:31 --> 00:46:37

experience like they make fun of Alaska? Do last for me. Yeah.

00:46:39 --> 00:46:59

Well, I don't know how to do this, like this in between each other or to the professor or they want their state of art, what they do is they want like, they follow on social media, and then they feel too comfortable on any sort of posting. And then this is something like, I don't you see it, you click on like, story and then

00:47:01 --> 00:47:02

you have nothing.

00:47:03 --> 00:47:05

So this is mainly through social media, not in

00:47:06 --> 00:47:13

the industry, not to your face, it was not there to say, Okay, this is the point. First of all, brothers and sisters.

00:47:15 --> 00:47:22

You are not living in a non Muslim country. You need to know this. You're living in a Muslim country. Okay.

00:47:25 --> 00:47:41

A lot of secularism, a lot of issues. Yes. We know this, okay. But in the end, this is a Muslim majority country. Okay. And for all practical purposes, they claim to follow Islam.

00:47:43 --> 00:48:20

Just because you are in a university that is predominantly non Muslim, The University also has to follow certain rules, okay? Just the way it is. So, do not treat issues you deal with here, as if you're living in the West, or in another country, where it is a non Muslim country. Okay. Keep that in mind. So this is a point of strength that you need to understand and keep in mind. Same with people who go to, you know, kids who go to international schools.

00:48:22 --> 00:48:41

You know, it's not a free for all, you're in a Muslim country in the end, and you have to respect that. Right? So this should make things easier for him, number one, number two, how do you deal with it? If it's not being sent to your face? It's like any other, you know, blasphemy or mockery? Or

00:48:43 --> 00:48:44

let's say

00:48:46 --> 00:49:08

things that are said against the deen on the internet, there's plenty of that. Brothers and sisters that's everywhere. How you deal with that is a matter of I thought it was happening to your face for like in class or something like that? No, that's not the case. But mind you if you know them, you can talk to them.

00:49:09 --> 00:49:14

If you want to clarify some things through social media, do so.

00:49:16 --> 00:49:24

More people will see it in sha Allah, maybe they will engage. Okay. You can try to answer me they don't know what it is.

00:49:26 --> 00:49:30

Or again, I mean, they're, they're young, they're stupid.

00:49:32 --> 00:49:34

And anyone who insults allies

00:49:35 --> 00:49:35


00:49:36 --> 00:49:47

just that simple. So you need to educate them with educated in the best way with wisdom, okay, and the best speech

00:49:50 --> 00:49:51

maybe even

00:49:53 --> 00:49:59

take someone to the site. Someone who whose post you saw and you know the person may be

00:50:00 --> 00:50:33

You know who they are in class? Talk to them personally. Very important in that way as well. Because when they're all together, right, the shaper is party with them as well. And it will be difficult to convince all of them together, right. But when you take one of them aside, right? Someone, maybe whom you feel is the best amongst them, or most logical or most reasonable, and you talk to them, they will respond to you personally.

00:50:34 --> 00:50:38

Most probably in a better way. Okay. Because in front of his friends,

00:50:40 --> 00:50:42

he has a reputation to keep right.

00:50:43 --> 00:50:52

bad reputation. But when you take them to the side, and it's just between him and him, you may start to be able to influence them more. Does that answer your question?

00:50:55 --> 00:50:58

Yeah. Any other questions? Is

00:51:03 --> 00:51:04

because of that fingers

00:51:06 --> 00:51:06


00:51:13 --> 00:51:15

it mentioned that

00:51:16 --> 00:51:20

during your bachelor's degree, also, no studying some college.

00:51:22 --> 00:51:23

No going about seeking what

00:51:26 --> 00:51:31

would you think is the best way for students to go about seeking knowledge? Is it

00:51:33 --> 00:51:34

taking a little bit of film?

00:51:35 --> 00:51:36


00:51:37 --> 00:51:38

Just focused on

00:51:40 --> 00:51:41

doing this three years online?

00:51:43 --> 00:51:56

was the best way about seeing. Okay, that's, that's a good question. Again, it's not really related to the university setting. So what you're asking about seven is the methodology of seeking Islamic knowledge.

00:51:57 --> 00:51:57


00:51:58 --> 00:52:01

that also you will hear possibly some different

00:52:04 --> 00:52:12

answers from from different machines. Some will say start with the Quran. So start with al Qaeda, and stuff like that.

00:52:13 --> 00:52:16

Let me say this. First of all,

00:52:18 --> 00:52:38

part of the answer will be case by case basis, and part of it will be common to all so as an example, starting with a autohide is an excellent piece of advice. Okay, starting with the book of Allah subhanaw, taala. When you said a little bit of luck, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, no, not necessary. All right. And

00:52:40 --> 00:53:29

I do know, people who maybe went about, maybe not necessarily seriously seeking Islamic knowledge, but went about different ways, maybe grabbing the right a book of, let's say, one of them in their head, or something along those lines. I knew a brother Subhanallah very knowledgeable, right? But his problem was, he was into the hole. This chef said this, and this chef responded with this. And this chef came back with this, he can tell you the whole debate from beginning to end. And this scholar responded with this book, and this guy responded with this book. And I was like, whoa, hold on there, brother. Because I found that he has certain gaps in some of the fundamentals. So he knows

00:53:29 --> 00:53:34

the responses, right? And how this shape responded to this.

00:53:35 --> 00:53:38

This is not the way to go about his lack of knowledge.

00:53:39 --> 00:53:46

If you want to Islamic knowledge, you need to ground yourself in the fundamentals,

00:53:47 --> 00:54:00

the fundamentals, the fundamentals are what for me, this is how it all started. Okay. I'll tell you honestly, it was a it was almost like a logical

00:54:02 --> 00:54:05

thinking process. So I said to myself,

00:54:08 --> 00:54:18

I want to gain knowledge, more knowledge. So I said to myself, I want to know what Allah subhanaw taala wants from me.

00:54:19 --> 00:54:22

Right? Kind of a logical

00:54:23 --> 00:54:30

way of thinking, What does Allah want from me? Why did he put me here? What does Allah telling me?

00:54:31 --> 00:54:32

That how does he speak to me?

00:54:34 --> 00:54:40

So Allah speaks to us, through his words through the book of Allah subhanaw taala. Right.

00:54:43 --> 00:54:52

Is that the only way he speaks to us? Is that the only source of Revelation? What's the other source of Revelation? Why, which is what?

00:54:53 --> 00:54:54

What is it?

00:54:56 --> 00:55:00

We don't know. Is there another source we're just

00:55:00 --> 00:55:00

What are

00:55:04 --> 00:55:14

the Hadith of the Prophet that's watching? Right? It's revelation, it's coming from Allah, the teachings of the prophets of CENla, this hadith, this is why this is revelation from Allah.

00:55:15 --> 00:55:22

So Allah speaks to us through the Quran directly through the Hadith.

00:55:25 --> 00:55:28

So I said, this is what I need to see

00:55:29 --> 00:55:51

the fundamentals, it wasn't that worried about fit quite yet. I know a little bit of Shakespeare in there, right? But this is the this is the fundamentals right there. The fuqaha the mother of a Hanifa, Imam moneykey Mama shelter Eva from Adam and Hanban. Where do you think they derive authorship from from here?

00:55:53 --> 00:55:55

From Quran and Sunnah.

00:55:57 --> 00:55:57

All of them.

00:56:00 --> 00:56:01

Then all of them said,

00:56:02 --> 00:56:11

if you find that opinion, one of my opinions, in contradiction with an authentic hadith, throw my opinion away.

00:56:13 --> 00:56:17

Everyone is trying to take from the same source.

00:56:20 --> 00:56:23

And then they will differ a little bit about an ethics

00:56:25 --> 00:56:35

issue, the Sahaba hushmat, a Sahaba. Then the other things that they would base their opinions on, okay.

00:56:36 --> 00:56:37

But ultimately,

00:56:40 --> 00:56:43

this is the fundamental you need to ground yourself in.

00:56:46 --> 00:56:47

Learning the Quran,

00:56:48 --> 00:56:50

part of it could be memorizing the Quran,

00:56:51 --> 00:57:04

learning the Quran better, maybe reading a basic tafsir understanding the words of Allah subhanaw taala more. And reading the Hadith of the Prophet SAW Selim. This is what gives you the the grounding the fundamentals.

00:57:05 --> 00:57:11

And it's very interesting that when you look at people who seem to be very knowledgeable about Islam,

00:57:13 --> 00:57:14

who are non Muslims, by the way,

00:57:17 --> 00:57:19

this is exactly what they lack

00:57:21 --> 00:57:25

the grounding of the fundamentalists, they're more knowledgeable than you

00:57:27 --> 00:57:31

about maybe certain aspects of fifth history.

00:57:33 --> 00:57:34

History of fifth,

00:57:36 --> 00:57:42

but then you ask them, give me the idea that is an evidence of this.

00:57:44 --> 00:57:44


00:57:45 --> 00:57:47

Can you give me a hadith

00:57:48 --> 00:57:51

that supports this idea? Now?

00:57:53 --> 00:57:54

This is what they like

00:57:55 --> 00:57:59

the grounding the fundamentals of our islands.

00:58:00 --> 00:58:02

So for me, this is a starting point.

00:58:03 --> 00:58:06

And from there, you can do anything you want

00:58:07 --> 00:58:09

filk history,

00:58:10 --> 00:58:14

arqiva. It's all coming from the Quran.

00:58:17 --> 00:58:19

Alone. Does that answer your question? But

00:58:21 --> 00:58:34

as far as Arabic, that's also that's why I said for an Arabic speaker might be a non issue for someone who's non Arab, and they want to learn some Arabic so that they can

00:58:35 --> 00:58:45

seek knowledge in the Arabic language, then yes, they will have to learn some Arabic. Right. So that's why circumstances might be different case by case basis.

00:58:48 --> 00:58:50

Any questions from the sister side?

00:58:57 --> 00:58:58

For our products

00:59:03 --> 00:59:07

can you tell me about some of the challenges you face here in this university?

00:59:10 --> 00:59:11

Yes, well

00:59:12 --> 00:59:16

say like not like Facebook. I mean, we all face? I would say.

00:59:19 --> 00:59:25

I don't know. I feel like a dress code is a huge violation of the decimal I think, a lot of people.

00:59:26 --> 00:59:26


00:59:28 --> 00:59:39

Yeah. Was there a dress code in the first week? I'm not sure. If I thought I assumed there shouldn't be. Really not this not not that we're experiencing today. And I think

00:59:40 --> 00:59:49

it's a huge plus. Is there just good guys. You know, there's a student that I think as much I think there should be a certain light

00:59:52 --> 00:59:59

check in. If it's there, then you can go to the management and say we need to enforce the disco

01:00:00 --> 01:00:00


01:00:03 --> 01:00:04

see what's that? Yes,

01:00:05 --> 01:00:06

definitely just

01:00:09 --> 01:00:11

dress modestly

01:00:15 --> 01:00:16

I can't see the university properly

01:00:17 --> 01:00:20

focus on McDonald's, I have to confess Subhan Allah.

01:00:21 --> 01:00:26

It's, it's, it's a very difficult test. And

01:00:31 --> 01:00:34

it's, that's why I'm saying it's, you know, it's everywhere.

01:00:35 --> 01:00:47

And it's not just the university, as you know, as, as you can see, you know, Muslim country, non Muslim countries, it's all becoming pretty much the same. And

01:00:50 --> 01:00:53

it requires a lot of patience.

01:00:55 --> 01:01:02

Bliss, you know, it's a release, I believe this is this is most potent weapon

01:01:05 --> 01:01:12

or at least one of the most potent weapons and he will continue, he will continue to take people away

01:01:14 --> 01:01:23

from the religion who will continue to corrupt people, their hearts, their eyes, and you name it. So

01:01:25 --> 01:01:33

Allah subhanaw taala give us all patience. It's, it's it's a constant striving. Right. And

01:01:35 --> 01:01:40

again, trying to find practical solutions, right? So

01:01:41 --> 01:01:42

it's part of

01:01:45 --> 01:01:55

remembering the words of ALLAH, the verses of Allah preoccupy one oneself with that which is beneficial. The other thing that I wanted to mention, which is very important,

01:01:57 --> 01:01:58

is good company.

01:01:59 --> 01:02:03

Good company, guys. Specially in the university.

01:02:04 --> 01:02:07

You need to keep good company.

01:02:08 --> 01:02:13

Profits, I'll set it up set of Raju Hala, Dini holiday.

01:02:14 --> 01:02:16

A person's religiosity

01:02:17 --> 01:02:21

is like the religiosity of their friend.

01:02:24 --> 01:02:31

Tell me, show me your friends. And I will be able to know more about you. That's simple.

01:02:32 --> 01:02:57

Okay, stick together, be with each other. When you notice someone is starting to become somewhat secluded and doesn't want to hang around with you anymore. Why? What's going on? Right? The shaytaan goes after the lone sheep, right? This is what happens. Try to stick together, remind each other make each other strong, right?

01:02:59 --> 01:03:07

Do things together, especially in the university. Later on, it will become less important.

01:03:08 --> 01:03:18

Because you will be married to Insha Allah, your kids and so on, so forth. Now, this is where this applies very much.

01:03:19 --> 01:03:40

And I was very proud of the brothers when I was in the US, because what they ended up doing was brilliant. Whenever a new Muslim brother comes, he's a freshman. Just landed, you know, maybe they weren't going from the airport, straight

01:03:41 --> 01:03:54

to their group. You know, before they started going left and right. Okay. They got some condo or some building, you know, outside the university. Some of them were in the dorms.

01:03:55 --> 01:04:00

Were still around arrives. He come up here last year with us, you know,

01:04:01 --> 01:04:24

you're going nowhere. You're with us, right? We bring him he lives with them. They all reside in the same building. They're they're always with each other and they're seeing each other. You know, they go out they have lunch together, they attend events together, they study together. Right? You need to stick together. Right? You need to have that good company you strengthen each other.

01:04:25 --> 01:04:26


01:04:29 --> 01:04:31

Oh, and anyone else like to share their

01:04:32 --> 01:04:34

challenges throughout university?

01:04:36 --> 01:04:37

Anyone married here?

01:04:39 --> 01:04:43

Oh, my luck. You're very lucky sister.

01:04:44 --> 01:04:45

Brother married

01:04:47 --> 01:04:50

probably Oh Subhanallah third as well.

01:04:51 --> 01:04:54

And I'm a parent my daughter is studying. Oh, Mashallah.

01:04:55 --> 01:04:58

So get her marry brother soon

01:05:00 --> 01:05:03

When I say what I mean that I do what I say

01:05:06 --> 01:05:11

it's a solution. And, you know, you know what I find staggering

01:05:15 --> 01:05:16

at the time of the prophets I said long

01:05:18 --> 01:05:19

marriage was easy.

01:05:21 --> 01:05:23

Good marry, you know.

01:05:25 --> 01:05:32

I still cannot believe the four haha we're discussing. Can a person get married when he is

01:05:33 --> 01:05:35

doing what he's

01:05:37 --> 01:05:38

what when is my retirement?

01:05:40 --> 01:05:47

Halima what is another brother? Or 14? Wait until you're done with the Amanda get married?

01:05:49 --> 01:05:53

If you ask that question now the seven you Are you okay?

01:05:54 --> 01:06:01

Why does it matter get married when I'm doing the Umrah or not or Hajj or something else.

01:06:04 --> 01:06:05

We were discussing it.

01:06:08 --> 01:06:18

Because when it's time, it's time. Don't delay it. Nowadays, it's like, oh, just wait until you're done. What's the problem? I don't see an issue here. Right? That's what they'll see.

01:06:20 --> 01:06:31

The focal how we're discussing, because there's no reason to delay. The brother calls me practically in tears. just helped me. What's my problem?

01:06:32 --> 01:06:44

We've been married for seven months. Okay, that Hamdulillah? No, but we're not actually together yet. We just didn't didn't you can, quote unquote, right. Okay.

01:06:45 --> 01:06:52

And we were supposed to, you know, finalize it and have the wedding. But

01:06:53 --> 01:06:56

her parents want to delay it even further. Why?

01:06:58 --> 01:07:12

Because uncle so and so is coming from God knows where. And he can't quite make it. So we want to delay it for another six, seven months for him to attend the wedding. Are these people crazy? Are they insane?

01:07:15 --> 01:07:23

I don't give to whatever Sif on consoles or attends the wedding or not. What are you doing to your kids?

01:07:25 --> 01:07:27

They want to delete for another seven months.

01:07:30 --> 01:07:35

So he had me do an audio recording for his parents and hers. You know, saying

01:07:36 --> 01:07:49

they should have the wedding as quickly as possible. This is not good brothers and sisters. Delaying for no reason. So back to the issue. During the time of the Prophet Salla.

01:07:51 --> 01:07:52

Marriage was easy

01:07:53 --> 01:07:54

and the fitna

01:07:55 --> 01:07:56

was much less.

01:07:57 --> 01:08:00

The need for marriage compared to now

01:08:01 --> 01:08:02

was much less.

01:08:05 --> 01:08:07

The Halal was easy.

01:08:08 --> 01:08:11

The haram was at least more difficult than

01:08:14 --> 01:08:15


01:08:16 --> 01:08:27

Exact opposite. The Haram is it's like this marriage is becoming astronomically difficult, and sometimes due to the parents

01:08:33 --> 01:08:34

isn't it staggering?

01:08:36 --> 01:08:45

The 100 is that much harder. The harm is that much easier. And very just just being delayed and delayed and delayed.

01:08:47 --> 01:08:51

It's it's an untenable situation. And that's why

01:08:52 --> 01:08:58

No, no surprise, more and more Muslim youth

01:08:59 --> 01:09:04

maybe leave the fold completely. Or they leave the fold for a good while.

01:09:05 --> 01:09:11

And then after many, many years they think you know I need to settle down. I need to you know

01:09:12 --> 01:09:14

come back to my senses.

01:09:15 --> 01:09:18

Love star festival Allah and I'm really lucky

01:09:22 --> 01:09:25

I used to say this when I was looking for marriage.

01:09:27 --> 01:09:27

All right.

01:09:29 --> 01:09:59

And I'm saying this now as a parent because hasn't changed. The message hasn't changed. I can understand that. Sometimes. Certain circumstances may make it difficult for whatever reason. You know you want your son or daughter to complete their studies. It might not be practical this and that. But this is not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about is absolute insanity. Delaying a wedding for seven months. Some uncle to attend the

01:10:00 --> 01:10:00

I think

01:10:03 --> 01:10:10

not offering the solution when it is practical. Maybe the person has the money

01:10:11 --> 01:10:18

and can pay their son's way to college and can get them married. And this the son or daughter found someone

01:10:19 --> 01:10:21

and they like, do it.

01:10:22 --> 01:10:24

Why are you delaying it?

01:10:28 --> 01:10:34

See, I said in front of the parent don't say, I'm just saying it here. Right.

01:10:36 --> 01:10:37

What else? Yes. Rather.

01:10:42 --> 01:10:43

So distribution

01:10:45 --> 01:10:46

of money depends

01:10:47 --> 01:10:51

on the youth themselves. Yeah. Okay. So, there is no

01:10:53 --> 01:10:54

I will guide you think

01:10:55 --> 01:11:02

and this is definitely my decision point. Because no matter what you take with him by today's

01:11:06 --> 01:11:15

standards, so is what sorry. Standards. The idea like is like this axis Dennis for us, the

01:11:16 --> 01:11:19

subject not romanticizes so much that

01:11:21 --> 01:11:22

physical reality, for example.

01:11:24 --> 01:11:29

My friends, or my discussions happen on a good way in order to get where

01:11:30 --> 01:11:31

you're supposed to spoil

01:11:33 --> 01:11:33

the pacifier.

01:11:35 --> 01:11:40

Yeah, I mean, these are these weird ideas when people have like, also I feel like

01:11:41 --> 01:11:46

I need to focus on my son is very typical answer. Yes.

01:11:47 --> 01:11:48

Also from like,

01:11:49 --> 01:11:50

worse, worst, most wins.

01:11:55 --> 01:11:56


01:11:57 --> 01:12:07

is like a friend of mine, she's married. The brother is, is a pharmacy pharmacist

01:12:08 --> 01:12:14

has its own pharmacy is back to back to more of a given with the markets around

01:12:15 --> 01:12:18

the globe, like the currency itself sticking with their own currencies.

01:12:20 --> 01:12:38

But is that good for the country? It's good, because all my friends are 100 clear, like, wherever we go. This is even like, even if not the money. Some people are expected to be just, you can get it on So.

01:12:39 --> 01:12:40


01:12:42 --> 01:13:31

So let's talk about what to do after that. You're absolutely right, brother. But that's an that's a different issue. You're absolutely right. But that's a different issue. That's where you get into how to make a marriage successful. That's a totally different, totally different talk. Right. And there's marriage therapy and counseling and all kinds of things for that, right. And it's very important, very important. In fact, there are courses I believe that you can take, okay, in preparation for very important, but now we're just talking about, you know, trying to get married as a solution, right, early marriage as a solution. I totally agree with you. Sometimes the obstacle is

01:13:31 --> 01:13:51

the youth themselves, the boy or girl, a lot of our youth are not ready for marriage. They're not mature enough for marriage, and they get married tomorrow. They're getting divorced in two weeks, because they're so immature. But it's part of the same problem. It's not divorced from the problem of divorce.

01:13:53 --> 01:14:12

It's related. It's because when we've delayed marriage so much, right? And the way we are raising our children, is Oh, you got married when you're 30. So when she's 20 Oh, she's still a kid. So how to kill by 20. Someone else may have already had two children.

01:14:14 --> 01:14:26

Why do you think my grandmother and grandfather allow them and many of yours as well? Got married at 13 or 13? Or 14? She's What are you talking about? Yes.

01:14:28 --> 01:14:33

She may have been 14, but guess what? She's more mature than today's 22 year old.

01:14:35 --> 01:14:48

She was ready for marriage. Part of the same problem, the way we're raising our children. So she's 15. But she's so immature. You can't even imagine her getting married.

01:14:50 --> 01:14:59

Part of it may be the way we were raising or whatever it may be the society, the environment, as well. So it's all

01:15:00 --> 01:15:02

related to the same problem,

01:15:03 --> 01:15:23

that's what's also making delaying the issue of marriage as well. Very complex problem. But as soon as we start, you know, pointing our finger and putting our finger on it on the wound, you know, that's when we start to understand it and try to find solutions to it.

01:15:24 --> 01:15:24

You're right.

01:15:26 --> 01:15:40

Some of them are very mature. Divorce is, you know, will happen like that. The reasons for divorce has become absolutely pathetic. Okay. And, you know,

01:15:41 --> 01:15:42

completely illogical.

01:15:45 --> 01:15:47

Does that answer your question?

01:15:51 --> 01:15:54

So first is really interesting, because that

01:15:55 --> 01:15:56

is this,

01:15:57 --> 01:16:08

that manufactures is really bad because your chances chances of having a child really bad, like, of course, that's just basic biology by 13 90% of

01:16:10 --> 01:16:11

biology is

01:16:13 --> 01:16:18

going to face the future, just because it's gonna be taken by very bad

01:16:20 --> 01:16:22

external ways that dry

01:16:25 --> 01:16:26

freezing eggs and

01:16:28 --> 01:16:28


01:16:30 --> 01:16:39

it's gonna get better, it might get better and become an alternative. And people will be like, Oh, remember the days when people used to get buried

01:16:42 --> 01:16:50

like Wellman's? Yeah, well, it'll get cheaper with time, as you know, just how big the problem is like.

01:16:51 --> 01:16:52

So, like,

01:16:56 --> 01:17:09

once forbidden is more designed to give, like, like, the bad, the bad going back to how it really was that you want that edge was not good.

01:17:10 --> 01:17:15

How do you how do you choose whether and this you can have the edge? And

01:17:18 --> 01:17:23

what do you mean by Edge being on the edge, you know, like, like living life? Like,

01:17:25 --> 01:17:26


01:17:28 --> 01:17:42

it's not acceptable and some different personality? How do you choose what is the if you have the choice, ultimately, choosing is a very subjective issue. I mean, I can give you general guidelines, right?

01:17:45 --> 01:17:48

Right, absolutely. But in the end,

01:17:51 --> 01:18:04

you have to also find the person that you are compatible with. Okay? And compatibility is not the easiest thing to,

01:18:05 --> 01:18:14

to use to define or to be sure of, like, that's why I have no issues with

01:18:16 --> 01:18:56

a guy or the girl getting to know each other in the halal setting, okay, they are not secluded, possibly, as they used to do it, traditionally, where you visit, you know, the girl's house, you visit the family, right? And you are in the family's house, and they get to know each other there. For me, personally, I have any issue, he wants to come once, twice, three times, five times, you know, come get to know each other in that setting and see if it's compatible, right. But this idea of No, no, you know, you have to decide after the first times why

01:18:57 --> 01:18:59

it's 100 selling, right?

01:19:00 --> 01:19:07

Let them get to know each other. Okay, and try to see if there's compatibility. I think a lot of marriages fail.

01:19:09 --> 01:19:23

And you're gonna find a host of different opinions on this brothers and sisters, you probably have already heard it. But I said this was to one of my professors and he had another opinion, right? Mind you, because he said marriage is like picking a watermelon.

01:19:24 --> 01:19:25


01:19:27 --> 01:19:28


01:19:30 --> 01:19:57

You know, getting to know her forever will not make any difference. I beg to differ. I think some getting to know each other in a halal setting can prevent some horror stories and divorces where you know, a little bit more getting to know each other would have established that. Okay, we're not that compatible. Okay? Yes, you're both religious and hamdulillah

01:19:58 --> 01:19:59

or you're not both

01:20:00 --> 01:20:10

Ultra religious but you are, you know, somewhat religious, and you're compatible in that way but in other ways you're completely incompatible

01:20:12 --> 01:20:13

come through

01:20:14 --> 01:20:21

and you might avoid a disastrous divorce in that way. Okay.

01:20:23 --> 01:20:26

So that's what I say when you when you're asking about choosing,

01:20:27 --> 01:20:50

choosing is largely subjective. It's based on your compatibility. After you've established a basic fundamental, religious religiosity that you are happy with, and when I say religiosity, please bear in mind, we're not talking about conspicuous religiosity, we're not talking about

01:20:52 --> 01:20:55

not talking about the beard, or the hijab,

01:20:56 --> 01:21:06

or something else or wearing the fellow work or something else. I'm talking about the package. That package includes religiosity includes

01:21:10 --> 01:21:12

Is there a difference between the two?

01:21:14 --> 01:21:15

The shouldn't be,

01:21:16 --> 01:21:17

but there is.

01:21:18 --> 01:22:11

Unfortunately, there is, and it is becoming more and more apparent. It's very interesting that the prophets are still upset. You have a company called Adina who, Rahul Lukaku as a way to take into consideration with this hadith scholars of Hadith differ about in terms of the chain of narration, but the the meaning Allahu Allah is sound. And he is saying, if you are pleased with his deen and with his Hoolock and these technically should never separate, but they do. And especially in our time, they seem to be very separated. So you can see someone who could speak you honestly is ultra religious, five prayers in the massage it big beard, maybe what you know, short film, according to

01:22:11 --> 01:22:14

his idea of religiosity, right.

01:22:16 --> 01:22:17

When it comes to luck

01:22:19 --> 01:22:19


01:22:22 --> 01:22:26

I may see him and see Yup, he's a flat sticks

01:22:29 --> 01:22:30

the way he speaks

01:22:32 --> 01:22:33

his heart

01:22:36 --> 01:22:37

not a soft heart.

01:22:39 --> 01:22:43

He shows no gratitude to people. When he deals with them.

01:22:44 --> 01:22:51

I would never marry my daughter to him. I don't care if he you know, he's he lives in the masjid. 24/7

01:22:53 --> 01:22:54

That's for you.

01:22:55 --> 01:23:02

That's for your nephew. This will do nothing for the marriage. This will destroy the marriage because you're a flux think.

01:23:05 --> 01:23:06

Straight up

01:23:07 --> 01:23:10

on the other hand, here is another brother or sister

01:23:12 --> 01:23:14

she's not alternate religious.

01:23:17 --> 01:23:17

She's religious.

01:23:19 --> 01:23:20

She's wearing his

01:23:22 --> 01:23:29

praise her prayers. She has some Islamic knowledge she doesn't have Mojari memorized but guess what? Neither do I

01:23:32 --> 01:23:33

and neither do you

01:23:37 --> 01:23:39

and she has beautiful

01:23:41 --> 01:23:42

she's soft

01:23:44 --> 01:23:45

soft hearted.

01:23:47 --> 01:23:58

I can tell you that. Most Muslim brothers will choose her over the one who has the Quran memorized maybe and other things memorize but luck are not very interesting.

01:24:02 --> 01:24:09

And this is not me speaking by the way, this such a comparison is not my you will find that in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu

01:24:14 --> 01:24:16

yes brothers and sisters

01:24:20 --> 01:24:21

as they say this question just

01:24:25 --> 01:24:28

barely can you raise your voice? Is there a way

01:24:37 --> 01:24:38

Mike weathers

01:24:48 --> 01:24:52

jerky this will be the last question we take for this event in Java.

01:25:00 --> 01:25:00


01:25:01 --> 01:25:02


01:25:05 --> 01:25:07

go ahead. How do you respond in?

01:25:10 --> 01:25:10

Trying to

01:25:13 --> 01:25:13


01:25:14 --> 01:25:16

Is there a way to establish

01:25:17 --> 01:25:20

establish a boundary?

01:25:22 --> 01:25:33

What do you mean? Oh, so that so that they would stop? There they you're talking about non practicing Muslims who mock you for being religious? In what way? For example?

01:25:35 --> 01:25:41

Can you raise your voice? Or maybe remove the mask? Or, for example, a person I want to do something that

01:25:43 --> 01:25:45

okay? Oh,

01:25:48 --> 01:25:49

something like that, like

01:25:52 --> 01:25:55

Are they friends of yours or just acquaintances?

01:25:58 --> 01:25:59


01:26:03 --> 01:26:05

I think this is more of a like a

01:26:07 --> 01:26:46

behavioral question, how do you deal with people like that? How do you talk to people like that establishing a boundary is very important, I agree with you, you need to establish that boundary, especially when when it goes too far, right. And in that case, you need to stop them in their tracks, right? If they're friends, you're going to be careful, because maybe you don't want to lose them as friends. And furthermore, you want to be a positive influence on them, rather than them being a negative influence on you. However, you need to also look at yourself. So how do you and then we just mentioned this before I forget it, and I'll tackle your question.

01:26:47 --> 01:26:50

Make sure that

01:26:52 --> 01:26:56

you are able to be a positive influence on them. Right.

01:26:57 --> 01:27:01

As long as that is the case, having them as friends is good.

01:27:02 --> 01:27:18

As soon as you feel they're negatively influencing you, you either have to change the way you are, or being friends with them is no longer the best idea. You might have to kind of step back. Right?

01:27:19 --> 01:27:20


01:27:24 --> 01:27:25

How can you stop?

01:27:28 --> 01:27:30

This person is a roommate.

01:27:32 --> 01:27:38

Yeah, that's tough. You're gonna have to essentially just reduce interaction with them.

01:27:40 --> 01:27:50

You're not so friendly anymore. Maybe just keep things a little bit formal. Official, you know, just what you need to kind of

01:27:51 --> 01:28:03

get by. But this not much more, you know, that's how a formal relationship is. And that's if you feel that they are negatively influencing you. How do you establish a barrier?

01:28:04 --> 01:29:03

When you respect yourself, you show yourself respect. And you stand your ground, they will learn to respect you. Right? You don't Brooke any mockery, okay? They said it as a joke, okay, you let it go once, right? But then they said it in front of someone else or something, you know, you can be quite blunt, I don't appreciate that I don't think this is you know, I don't think this is appropriate. Or, I'm very proud of, you know, who I am, you know, you you, you do stand your ground, you speak with confidence, when they see that, they start to respect you as well. Okay. And they respect your religiosity and they will respect that boundary that you have placed, this is one of the ways that

01:29:03 --> 01:29:04

you do so, right.

01:29:08 --> 01:29:54

Possibly, you're a little bit late, whereby you've kind of allowed them that leeway in the first place. See what I'm saying? And now you have to kind of come back a little bit more forcefully, but gradually, you could do it gradually. Right? And this is maybe why they're saying things like Oh, so now you're well, when haven't I been? You know? Or, okay, that's one response if it applies, if it doesn't apply, maybe you you yourself, you're progressing, you say yeah, hamdulillah I'm getting closer to Allah. I'm improving my religion, and learning more. I'm improving. You know, I'm a work in progress and so is everything else in life. Right.

01:29:55 --> 01:29:56

You know,

01:29:57 --> 01:29:59

you can sometimes the best

01:30:00 --> 01:30:05

defense is a good offense. Like, yeah, I'm making progress. What about you?

01:30:06 --> 01:30:14

Yeah, sometimes you need to throw it back. You know, it's not about you, it's about them. You know?

01:30:15 --> 01:30:29

Someone says something to me and they're like, Yeah, you know, other. When are you going to join me in the masjid? Right? Oh, so you put hijab? No, yeah. And, you know, I'm here to help you as well.

01:30:31 --> 01:30:54

Be confident of who you are. Be confident of your deen be confident of the fact that Allah subhanaw taala has given you this opportunity. But ultimately, also, you have to also look at the person. Their personality was the best way to do that Allah to them, as well. Did I answer your question?

01:30:59 --> 01:31:07

Good people. I think we'll end the event here. Shala is McLaren f1. Attendee find a whole lot more complex as I go.

01:31:08 --> 01:31:10

About ceremony.

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