Repair your relationships

Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen

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Mario respected brothers, sisters and as scholars

the title of my hotbar today is repair your relationships, repair your relationships.

Among the many reasons to do that is also the fact that we are approaching the month of Ramadan al Karim.

We want to enter the month of Ramadan in a state of the hara,

external Sahara but equally and if not more importantly, internal the higher the Hara of the cult, the purity of the heart.

And the purity of the heart begins with two things. One

is removing all forms of shirk from our heart.

Making a heart you're

with the class with sincerity and as the seat of the cache of ALLAH SubhanA Rotella della della Lu and nothing else.

And second, by purifying our heart by removing all forms of negativity from it, the top of that the first of that is hatred, and enmity of people.

So let us begin with that.

The secret of influencing the secret of happiness in this life, and a true resource

is good relationships. It's not money. It's not political power.

It's not a wealth in any form. It's well as in good relationships.

Recently, somebody sent me an article about the longest running study in Harvard, on human behavior. It's been running for the last 84 years.

Dr. Dr. Robert waldinger.

He is the director of what is called the Harvard study of adult development. And he is the co author of a book called The Good Life.

This study originally had 724 participants, 268 of them were sophomores at Harvard. Among them was the then future President of the United States, John F. Kennedy,

and the future Washington post editor, Ben Bradley.

So this study has been going on for a long time.

Later the included 450. within quotes, ordinary people because somebody told them that you're you have all the Boston brabbins In this,

the wealthy whites. So they said you need more, make it more broad based. And they did that and they call them the Boston boys 450 less privileged, inner city children.

And then they expanded this pool over the years to include 1300 descendants. And they've been tracking these people for 84 years.

And the retention rate of the number of people who are still in the study is 84%, which is amazing.

Now what did they do in the study every two years? They answer a very long question. I like the question every five years. They surrender their medical records to the study, so that they can study the physiological changes. And every 15 years they

Have a face to face interview.

And the lesson, good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Now, how does social media factored into this?

Especially given the problems with anxiety and depression and mental illness, we bring you to another study, which I read yesterday, on the effect of social media, especially on American youth, you're talking about teenagers, maybe even less than that, and going into their 20s.

So what is the effect of that on anxiety, depression, mental illness,

suicides.

And wanting us as if you use social media to connect with people as in talk to people for which really, you don't need social media face to face talking to the best or make a phone call.

Then he says your happiness level will increase because you're actually talking to real people face to face or on the phone or something. But if you only consume others, social media, which is what we do all the time, which is Instagram posts, WhatsApp University forwards,

YouTube forwards, and so on, so forth.

It makes us distinctly less happy.

Now, the reason is obvious, because social media works on an algorithm, which is geared to give you what you show interest in

social media is not concerned about giving you real facts or about giving you real news. It's concerned about how much of face time it gets out of you, because that's how they get ad revenue.

So whatever you show an interest in is what the algorithm then directs into your social media.

Right.

So if you are now showing an interest in negative stuff, and this is another tragedy of the of our times that we know again,

from very well researched data is what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about some you know, conspiracy theory, we know that people are more attracted towards negative things than positive things. People remember negative things much longer than there is then they then they remember, remember positive things.

People get much more emotional about negative things, then they get emotional about positive things.

If somebody says something good to you, you will probably forget it 10 seconds later.

But if somebody curses you and calls you a donkey, you will remember that all your life although

take a look in the mirror and hold a picture of a donkey next to you and see if there is any resemblance

you know that what you know what you are told is a lie you know, it is a lie, but that lie gets you usually excited.

Right? So somebody calls you a donkey and then your behavior proves that he was right.

Now, I submit to you, the reason I mentioned this study is that all relationships irrespective

depend only on two things. Number one, appreciation. Number two, forgiveness.

Every relationship in the world whatever it is, including our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala delegable appreciation of His blessings, and seeking forgiveness, appreciation and forgiveness every relationship in the world is dependent only on two things. If we fail on these two things, the relationship is gone.

I want to propose to you therefore to remove one word from your vocabulary and substitute that with another word. The word that I want you to really remove from your vocabulary is the word tolerance or tolerate

and substitute that with appreciate for a procedure.

Why do I say that? Because when you tolerate someone or something you really say to yourself, This is a nasty piece of action. I wish it wasn't there. I wish it disappeared but it doesn't. So I'll deal with it anyway.

Right?

You don't turn on a triple chocolate sundae do

you do not tolerate a beautiful Hyderabadi dum biryani do you

use by event even without eating it? To the best of my knowledge there's only 100 words you even know what I'm talking about. The rest of you are not even heard of it but you all smiling much

Allah good for you. Just the word produces a SPIFe you don't tolerate that you love it you wish you had it. I also wish I had it

what do we tolerate? What we tolerate is something which is intrinsically not good. But for various reasons I have to put up with it. So I'm putting up with it. Now if that is my and yours

if that is our approach to people and to relationship, what kind of relationship is that?

Right?

But when you're thinking, appreciation, you are thinking, love you thinking gratitude, you must you think you're missing someone. You're thinking about the pain of parting. You're thinking beautiful pictures, and sounds and dreams.

So I said, you forget tolerating people, start appreciating them,

learn about them.

Many of us come to the masses. I've said this before, I'll say to the end of my days, many of us come to the mercy of Marshall, I'm seeing a lot of you. And I see you at least once a day,

because you come every day.

And it's the nature of the human being that he or she is a creature of habit. So if you come every day and you pray in a certain place, I can guarantee you you probably pray in the same place every single day. As long as that place is vacant, you will you will pray the same place, which means that the person praying next to you is probably the same person you pray next to each other every day. My question to you is do you know the name of that person?

Just look at the person next to you. Do you know the name of that person? Just the name?

What else do you know what this person

is that the meaning of a relationship? We come every day we meet? We see this person every day we don't even know their name. We don't know the first thing about

how do you build relationships like this?

So please don't do this yourself.

As the person next to you what is their name? Do it now?

Yes,

sir. Bassam.

Tell them they did not. Name name name. What is your name? Right? Your hamdulillah see the number of spies just imagine I mean everybody's smiling right?

Before that, I wanted to see your teeth take you to the dentist.

Remember, human beings are the only mammals who show their teeth when they're happy.

So to

do that, right

hamdulillah my brother and sister really seriously think about this. How much effort does it take to maintain beautiful relationship nothing nothing. And you feel good in the process? That's that's the immediate payoff.

So how do you appreciate people we appreciate by focusing on commonalities not on differences

right commonalities not differences.

I'm talking about the opposite of what we always do right.

When it comes to religion, we look at all the things which are different. My opinion you are okay that this one that one forward

let ALLAH ask the questions that Allah will ask that's not your job. You're not God right.

Whether somebody is going to join our job is not your job. Jana doesn't belong to you Jana doesn't belong to you it belongs to Allah Subhan Allah let him decide. In any case, he will decide it's not that you know, you take it upon yourself.

commonalities, what do we have in common? What are the things we like about each other? And somebody said, but you know, this was you know, what is no no, I don't want to know I do not want to know

what I know about him hamdulillah

and if you see something different in somebody then remind yourself that that's exactly what it is different. It is not good or bad. It's not nasty, or or nice. It's not virtuous or evil is just simply different. Alhamdulillah

it's interesting.

And so I want to learn more about the difference.

is not as easy. I'm making it sound easy, but believe it is not easy because our whole conditioning.

Almost default, irrespective of culture is good back nice. Not nice.

And vegetarian. Somebody who's eating meat is a dirty guy, which meat if I'm a meat eater, and somebody is vegetarian, he's a goat.

He's a rabbit.

This is our condition. This is our conditioning.

Yes.

This is what we need to break and we need

To break this for our happiness in this life and we need to break this to start before Allah subhanaw taala

because as long as you focus on differences, believe me, you end up dehumanizing and demonizing others

the second very important thing is to develop a selective memory. Remember the good forget the bad.

Remember the lesson but forget the incident.

Think about this. You're driving your cruiser your

holiday Davidson.

Beautiful sunny day. We're going down the road. You're tucked up for that.

And you find yourself suddenly behind a garbage truck.

And before you know it a piece of smelly wet garbage flies off the back of the truck and hits you on the chest.

What do you do?

What do you do?

You pull over at the first possible place and you wash it off yes or no?

What do you do? What would you say to somebody who instead of that wraps it into the jacket nicely so it gets into the jacket

and sticking

he doesn't wash it off. He keeps it there. And every once in a while he bends his head down spells in Hey.

Every once in a while he spells it and he grievances and he makes noises What do you say to that person?

Remember the garbage truck and the garbage truck driver is long gone. He doesn't even know what happened.

Who's willing that stink? Whose life is expiring

this is the example of what we do relationships. Somebody says something once we start piling we keep it and we pull it out of the closet every time we want to hit the other person over the head you know what you did that day?

No I don't remember about it

I also apologize you forgot that

they do no we do this or we don't do this.

Everyone was and don't look at the back to the ladies section. No they do it as well. I know.

We are we are equally guilty.

My brothers sisters really seriously.

Allah subhanaw taala gave us this life he gave us a beautiful life or Hamdulillah He gave us his life with different things he gave us we live this life with something which are good and something which are

I would say they're not good because they are the different thing.

Somebody asked me if you if you get a second vibe, I said no. He said why? I said because no matter what you mean you marry and that same thing applies to the men. They give you the opportunity to do to the opportunity to do two things make sugar makes our

both veggie when it makes sugar Allah blesses you will make some relevance to your handler.

So the next one you might want is will do the same thing you will also he or she will also give you the same opportunities. What's the point? Yes.

Please think about this. Appreciation and forgiveness. Shocker. And towbar is the car and forgiving people upon the Holy has asked for Wiley welcome Melissa Muslimeen first of all, in our work for him.

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my brother and sisters.

One of the greatest tests and one of the greatest calamities was the slander against say the ICD Hara Golan Ahmed.

We know the whole story is I will not tell you the story.

But one of the things that happened and of course as I said this, Rana was exonerated. And Allah subhanho wa Taala is the one who revealed Quran

to say that she was not guilty of what they slandered or with.

And Allah subhanaw taala prescribed

punishment for those who did that slander. So today if somebody denies this they are denying the Quran as simple as that.

Now one of the people who slandered say that she said this, Alana was a man who was related to say that Abu Bakr Siddiq how they are and who and he was a poor man I

used to help him financially. So when say then Abu Bakr see the raga, Lando realized and understood and he knew that this man did that. He said, I will. I want nothing.

I will not support him, quite understandably because if somebody is slandering your daughter what you do

what happened?

And this is among the father of Abu Bakr Sidious or the law no as well. Allah subhanaw taala revealed Quran Allah Sumatera said the famous I had Spargel Adams the note Allah said wala, yet utterly all on fatherly men calm.

Those of you who have been blessed by Allah subhanaw taala so I'm not saying that Abu Bakar radula no is somebody who Allah has blessed

while I tell you all fatherly men calm was Sati Are you too old Cordoba Well, masa Kena well muhajir in a visa vie de la he will ya full wall yes for who? Allah to hipbone Angel fear Allah Who lecan wala waffle Rahim.

Citizen beautiful eyes, and those are our data set and do not let let not those among you who are blessed who have been blessed with the grace of Allah subhanaw taala and wealth, let them not swear not to help their kinsmen the Messiah key in the poor and those who left their homes for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala the YG role, let them pardon and forgive.

Do not love that Allah subhanaw taala should forgive you. And Allah Subhana Allah Allah is oft forgiving, Most Merciful.

My brothers and sisters, Abdul Rahman now for the line who said the soul asylum said there are three things concerning which by the one in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam I would certainly swear an oath. What are the things wealth does not decrease because of charity. So give charity, no person pardons another for some mistreatment, seeking thereby the pleasure of Allah for the sake of Allah, but Allah will raise him in status by that. And no one asks from people, no one

extend his hand to people, but Allah will increase him in poverty.

We ask Allah subhanaw taala to help us to do that which pleases Him and to save us from that which does not please

other sisters ask Allah subhanaw taala to help us to get out of the situation that we are currently in, which is a situation of strife and difficulty all over the world. We ask Allah Samantha to help us from sources that we cannot imagine.

We are very blessed and fortunate to have with us moved away doula who is sitting at the back there he did the first football the first Juma move to mobilize the head of an organization called Mesbah which is engaged in the education of Muslim children. Our motto here the after school we run here runs on the

syllabus and the curriculum that was the weather very kindly gave it gave us and he does all of this completely free. He gave me a day or two workshops for us for the teachers completely free and Alhamdulillah May Allah grant him the reward for that which he seeks from Allah subhanaw taala so he's here with us Inshallah, those of you who would like to support that work and this is inshallah sadaqa jariya please do that they don't take Zakah but your novel general donations, whatever you would like to give. Robin of Aquila, Naga Lumina, aka Pharaoh NASA yeah Tina Otto from Allah, Allah Medina V man Hadid wife enough even if he was old enough, he meant our late alberic Lana FEMA

outdated working hours refinance Java, they gotta have the right the other equation the hula is Illuma right over here is the baraka burn out it took a long moment to be like, we ask Allah subhanaw taala also for help and to cure our dear friend and especially my very, very close friend for over 30 years now brother hashmarks son who is in hospital, because of some cardiac issues we ask Allah subhanaw taala to give him Shiva Cavalia Allah and take away his his illness and take away his pain and to save him and to save all of you and me from all forms of sure that which we know and that which we do not know. I mean your ability Yeah, it was ALLAH Rahim Allah in the La Jolla mana

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