Living Islam – Raising a Muslim Child #04
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
File Size: 30.80MB
Bismillah Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Shafi mousseline
Muhammad Rasul, Allah is Allah, Allah you and only he will save you seldom does leave an Athenian cathedra for my mother, who my brothers and sisters,
we are on the subject of raising a Muslim child. And as I've said before, there's a difference between how you raise a Muslim child how you raise any child in general.
And Muslim children have to be raised differently because they have come into this world with a purpose.
And that purpose is to serve society, that purpose is to lead society that purpose is to enjoin good and forbid evil. And so therefore, they must, their entire reasoning and upbringing must be focused on that they cannot be spending their time and energy doing the kind of stuff that so called other children, normal children do. Because Muslim children are not normal, in the best sense of the term.
And they're not normally don't mean they're some kind of freaks, but we mean that they are not in the best of terms,
they are much more than normal, they are superior in terms of their contribution.
Remember, that you may be remembered for your possessions and your contribution.
It's possible that you are remembered for these two things, but you will be honored only for one of them and that is your contribution,
not what you possessed. And that contribution in must be the focus of the raising of Muslim children.
Muslim children must learn that to be poor, and to be honorable, are not mutually exclusive, just as to be rich and be honorable, is also not mutually inclusive,
being honorable, and having material wealth or not having it are two different things. They must learn that virtue is a state of mind. It's a stance it is a decision.
It's a position that one takes not because somebody is watching, but because of one's own sense of identity and self worth.
We do not do something which is wrong. Not only because it is wrong, but because we are who we are.
I do because of who I am.
And I become, because I do.
I do because of who I am, and I become because I do
their best must learn that our actions define us.
numbers we taught that people will remember them on the basis of both what they own and what they contributed. But they will honor them only for what they contribute.
We remember not for what we had, but for what we give
only when they are taught to focus on contribution from the earliest childhood. Will they be able to fight the force of consumerism that is focused on consumption,
blind, self centered consumption that will consume us all, if it is allowed to proliferate unchallenged.
Mr. values must bring up children who will challenge and not mindlessly confirm to these norms and create a society that is focused on contribution instead of consumption. So that in the end, we leave behind a place that is better for our passing.
A sense of entitlement is the worst impediment to development and growth that you can possibly give to your child.
Gandhiji said something
over half a century ago, he said I wholeheartedly detest this mad desire to destroy distance and time to increase animal appetites and go to the end of the earth in search of their satisfaction.
If modern civilization stands for all this, and I have understood it to do so, I call it satanic.
Now what did he understand that modern Muslim parents don't think about this?
It's where parents bring up self centered children focus on consumption. And when the time comes, they think nothing. They do those children think nothing of breaking up the family in their fight to get the most for themselves.
In my consulting practice with family businesses whenever I have seen
it business family, fighting Brother to Brother brother to sister,
brothers, or sons to the money
In one case, when I, whenever I've seen this, I've always reminded them that this is something that developed in the nursery.
This is something that they were taught to do
by their own parents, when they were toddlers, when they were little kids, little children.
That sound unkind. And I know some people
have asked me, they said, you know, how do you say the parents taught them? I said, Well, who taught? You tell me because these children learned, see the living has been described as scene for you. I'm sure you will find this description very familiar. Hopefully not in your own house. And if it is in your own house, then make sure that you get you finish this as quickly as possible.
For example, you have two children, two toddlers, maybe one is to one is four. One is three, something like this. And there's one toy one of them grabs, the other one is screaming.
Other ones screaming, nine times out of 10. The parents will say all right, don't don't Don't Don't cry, we'll give you one I will I'll get one for you.
Nine times out of 10 they will not say to the other ones share with your brother.
Share with you.
Every word on I'll get you I'll get you on fast forward 40 years
and they are now
in courts, fighting tooth and nail. dismembering your business dismembering your family dismembering your house.
I have a very good friend who also taught me Aikido
or Julius ape from Melbourne,
and Judas to have a wonderful story once he has. At that time they were little kids now of course, must be all gone. But he had a son and daughter the son was a little bit older daughter a little bit younger, maybe what a year difference or something between the two of them.
And they used to sleep, the children would sleep in their room and across the landing the parents in the room.
A doula said that every morning, these two would come into the parents room. And they would wrestle with Judas on the bed.
So Julia says that any time they came to wrestle with me, individually,
I would make sure that they last.
But if they
combined and collaborated and joined together to fight me, that I would follow
now see how why is this friend of mine is a very wise man.
See how wise and beautiful this this upbringing is, without saying a word. He is teaching them in the most powerful way to collaborate to cooperate between the brother and the sister
not to fight each other. Not to Compete.
How many of us do this?
And we pay the price we pay the we pay a very, very heavy price.
And I'm talking about these court cases what not in this world.
Take combined with this. What does a suicidal self say? What does that say about breaking the relationships of the womb? Oh brother fighting sister brother fighting brother sister fighting system, children fighting their parents. What does that do to Iraq?
In the UK, and it's even worse, it's even worse.
I've run sisters really seriously.
I've said this many times to people. If this makes sense to you. First thing you do is if you are in a conflict with your brother or sister
cancer it now
May Allah protect us. This is what lawyers and advocates and attorneys, they thrive on this.
There are those who will even instigate this.
Please don't fall into this trap.
It's not worth your while.
So when children when parents bring up self centered children who have never been taught, who have never been taught to share and to collaborate with each other, and so on.
When the time comes, they think nothing of breaking up the family in their fight to get most for themselves.
When children are focused on what they can contribute, they will work to take care of their family and society at large.
And to ensure that influence and service is enjoyed by more and more people worldwide.
In the process, it is inevitable that the individual himself or herself grows
and become richer and more powerful. Because wealth and power are the result of intelligent efforts.
Not its objective
In my practice in business consulting, specializing in advising cavity bids, I can distinctly recall that every case of bitter, internecine quarreling resulted in loss resulting in lawsuits between parents and children and between siblings can be traced to toddler behavior in the nursery,
parents giving into tantrums. overprotected upbringing, no focus on values, manners, ethics, even in families that teach Quran and Sunnah and salah. All of these are cause for grief later in life.
Acquisition of religious knowledge, Elma Dean and tarbiyah Tula flock should not be two different things.
But sadly they are.
if I say that just because somebody is religious, just because somebody is prays five times a day and so on, you cannot assume that this person also has beautiful of luck. I mean, normally this should be a complete oxymoron.
But sadly, it is not. This is a fact this is the reality that we are seeing. And that's what we must absolutely change.
I believe that it is essential for Muslims to ensure that the children are taught five foundational values.
One, who they are
who are the standard bearers of Islam, the connection with Islam.
One is who they are to connection with Allah subhanho wa Taala which is storeyed and Buddha number three, connection with Rasul Allah is Allah salah is a sunnah and the meaning of being a member of the OMA number four, take from Allah and give to the word Jesus in Salah dua, charity, undoubted Islam and number five tools to deal with the world.
And those tools, some of them reading and conceptualizing reading and assimilation to his critical thinking and analysis. Three is powerful communication spoken and written for his other books they love that about conflict resolution, the manners of differing
five is hard work and delivery, which is mental toughness before anything else. And number six is creativity to generate alternate solutions.
No excuses. So creativity for problem solving, and seven is teamwork. followership.
sisters. So very, very important for us to really think about this now who are they?
I'm talking about who they are meaning, what does it mean to be a standard bearer of Islam?
This is what we are advocating that we bring up children to exemplify this and to
to produce this in our lives. Allah said come to Pharaoh, Medina, Frigidly NAS, the more I beat him out if he was on one on one carry over 2 million Abdullah. Allah says, Oh, the libre, you Muslims are the best of people ever raised up for mankind, for the benefit of mankind. And what you do you enjoy and good and forbid evil, and you believe in Allah,
the strongest shield against evil influences of society, his high confidence and a strong sense of and pride in personal identity that is based on a noble history. One must differentiate between confidence and arrogance. And between pride in one's identity and looking down on others. I don't mean the four I mean, the former not the latter.
Woman is right and the other one is haram.
There's nothing romantic about being apologetic to the world
about who you are, to decide what you are, and either take pride in it or become something else. But don't leave your life apologizing to the world about your personal identity.
The world respect those who have confidence, no matter how freaked out they may appear to stop apologizing for being a Muslim.
So that was a photographer that said, I fear the day I fear the day when these believers are proud of their falsehood. And Muslims are shy of their faith,
as well as in our other Dylon who had not given him special wisdom. He said I feel the day where these believers are proud of their falsehood. While Muslims are shy of their fate.
As I've mentioned made before, the British ruled India for more than 100 years, and what was said almost 200 years
India is a culture, which among other things is known for the most colorful, magnificent fabrics and apparel, which are not only beautiful look at, but are climatically suitable, and so you are comfortable in them, and you look good.
However, in over a century of living in India, the British never wanted in clothing, and insisted on wearing their trousers and suits and shoes. The result is that India wore the trouser by the British never wore the Shivani or the football suit, much less than
what you do with confidence inspires others. What you are apologetic about doesn't even inspire you.
What can be noble, what can be more noble than the foundation of being Muslim and an enmity of Rasul Allah, he's
not a distinction of race and tribe, or nationality or, or ethnicity or color, but have faith and a connection with Allah
and His Messenger, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. It is when this is deeply ingrained in the child, that when he or she encounters a situation where there is a temptation and shaitaan is on one side, and you are not standing on the other side, this sense of who am I comes to the rescue. And the child chooses the right thing because
what we don't do that this is not for us.
We don't do drugs, not only because it's illegal and stupid, but because we are Muslim, and Muslims don't do drugs,
counted the site down.
I'm not alone, I started from my site. That is a sense of identity that we need to have and with Muslim children must therefore be brought up with the final aim in mind of leading the world into Jannah.
They must be carefully watched and nurtured and mentored from the earliest age.
This is the meaning of Korea. They must be given tasks of increasing difficulty so that they learn to win on their own.
They must be allowed to face their fears and to conquer them. They must be supported but not protected.
They must be advised, but not directed,
must be allowed to take their own decisions, but not without the benefit of the frame of reference of the values of the heat, sun, truth, honor, justice, responsibility, accountability, nurturing, and trusteeship. You won't be allowed to feel to cry in the night for the hardships that others undergo to build friendships and relationships that span the boundaries of color, race, religion, nationality, and much more difficult social order
Color is the key differentiator.
It is the connection with Allah subhanaw taala digital, there is a private responsibility as a parent to build and constantly strengthen and which is the biggest and best protection against all the evil that seems to surround us even more closely.
Children must be taught of luck, which is manners that will differentiate them from the rest and make them stand out a standard bearers of Islam. It was a in my, in my days, I was growing up as a child. It was a matter of pride for us Muslims, that even other people, they would say Musa Juan okay what is subsea flattery? This was in children Muslims have the best of the best manners.
Apart from all things to do with social graces and politeness, a Muslim child must be taught these things that Allah subhanaw taala considered important enough to mention in the Quran.
As I mentioned, my brothers and sisters,
Allah subhanaw taala considered us laugh to be so important that he revealed Coronavirus
about what are good o'clock and what are not.
my lesson and I mentioned this in sort of the moderate in number Winona is watan for us the Holbein earthquake. Hola Hola. I love him to Ramon Yeah, you are living in
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Yeah, you already know how much an attorney boo
because the minute zani in about a dozen is what are the Justice
Oh Allah yahoo.com burden Are you hey boo, I had a I had to come i Akula Lima Fe he made it for curry. What Allah in Allah wa Rahim
Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in sort of derive the meaning of which is the believers are nothing else than brothers in Islam, meaning the believers are nothing but brothers in Islam, which means they are present Islam.
So make reconciliation reconcile between your brothers and fear Allah that you may receive mercy, or you will believe, let not a group scuff mark another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let some women scoff at other women. It may be that the latter are better than the former. No, do not defame one another. Do not insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one's brother after having fifth which is causing profanity using bad language and so on all that, and whoever does not repent, then such are these early moon or wrongdoers, or you believe avoid suspicion, indeed, some suspicions are since and do not spy and do not like bite one another.
Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother, you would hate it so hate backbiting and fear Allah subhanaw taala verily, Allah is the One who accept repentance, Most Merciful. Children must be taught how to speak to elders, and to teachers and to their own siblings, they must learn that respect is due to age and learning and character, not due to possessions and money.
bad behavior has become so rampant that we have even stopped pointing it out, we will stop saying anything because it is so common. So that doesn't make it good.
And we should speak and we should say this. They've been taking massages. I mean, how many times do I see in Jamaica in other places in other at other times?
Adults, I'm not even talking about small children, adults, sitting with their both their feet extended towards the fibula.
Right? Because they I don't know, maybe they're, and these are young people. So it's not as if something's wrong with their knees or whatnot. And I always tell people, if something is wrong with your knees, take a chair sit on a chair, but to sit on the floor, on the carpet, with your feet extended, you know, your feet pointing at the face of the map? And towards the Qibla. How ugly is that?
How ugly is that? But nobody cares? Would you say anything, and so are our
manners are going down the drain.
Similarly, many times I've seen elderly people with arthritis and so on. So having difficulty walking, come and they have to go and find the chair. And sometimes they have to carry the chair themselves. And there will be a whole bunch of young men who spend a lot of time in the gym. So you'll see all their muscles, but not one of those muscles is exercise to help somebody who's old enough to be the grandfather, to come and sit honorably on a chair.
This is a reflection on the individual and it's a reflection on their parents. What kind of children do you bring up? Who do not even have some basic fundamental manners thing salaam to somebody who's older, older than you? Sure the older person must say salaam was IV. But what about you?
And there's a whole lot of these. I don't want to make a whole litany of the list of bad matters here. But I'm saying this is very important.
To teach their children, they must learn that their behavior will define them.
And that when they show respect for others, they're merely demonstrating their own upbringing and bringing honor to themselves and to their parents, who raise them when they are disrespectful. The contrary is equally true. being disrespectful is not insulting to the other person. It merely demonstrates the dishonorable nature of the door.
It is strange that today it's very common to ask a young young person to say how are you and you had you had this rude answer? I'm good.
That's all not very well thank you and how are you? Know Alhamdulillah just I'm good. Good or bad is a value judgment for others to make about your behavior.
Not for you to self proclaim. I'm good. I'm good.
Say I'm well say Alhamdulillah. Say thank you very much for asking. How are you? This is way too much. I'm good. How are you? I'm good.
Whether you're good or bad, I have to decide not you
I'm asking you about your health how you
teach manners teach manners.
It's very common for people to, to simply take things or ask for things without saying please, or just simply take things without permission, or just to walk away having kicked you know, kicked your food or stamped your foot or kicked your briefcase, or sneezing sneezing in your face or something. And not even to say, I'm sorry.
Muslims enter the masjid and start praying in the walkway into the in the in the passage
without a thought about including inconveniencing other people,
Muslims in the parking antics, these are a subject of a legitimate PhD thesis on the psychology that drives such behavior.
We are probably the only people who will park across somebody's driveway.
Almost every single application for to build a masjid in any country is met with
with with the opposition. And the single reason is the parking habits of Muslims.
It's emitted it seriously we have to think about this. These behavioral problems and more can be traced to the raising of children. Children learn by seeing what their parents do. A teacher wants to ask the question in a class of three primary children, little ones.
What is the red traffic light stand for? The audience draw?
The teacher said what is the green traffic light?
Stands stands for the audience. Go
and the teacher said what is the orange stand light stand for? They said go fast. The yellow fast. Good. That's how they see the parents driving. You know go to the orange line.
The orange line is a caution to say stop.
But no. The children listen with their eyes, not be the years. They don't care what you say. And when they see what you do.
Muslim children are once known for their upbringing was known for their the way they were raised with the matters. Looks like that's gone. And this is what must change. The child is our product the child is our signature. Ask if you want to be known as a father or mother of a young animal. Or a young man or woman who makes you proud to be the father or mother of
it won't happen automatically. Raising children is a full time job. It's a contact sport.
You have to skin your knees grew a bruise your ankles, get your hands dirty and above all break your heart. Only then does parenting work.
Calvin jokes and Calvin cartoons look nice only as a cartoon.
If you raise a child like that,
then you are a danger to society. And so as you just saw the chat.
So make sure that you want to be a parent
before you actually do what it takes to become a parent. Until then until you are ready to do that. It is eat popcorn and watch the
children will be taught in meal times are sacred.
Because the home is not a hotel, where one can simply order room service. Meals especially the one meal at will the whole family together. Let's not been missed or interrupted. make this into a tradition that one meal, the whole family must eat together.
No screens in the bedroom. No screens at the dining table.
Meal time is for the family and any family guests. Exams games, TV shows football, cricket, whatever basketball matches are not acceptable excuses for missing a family meal.
It's okay to invite friends to a meal at home but not okay to talk to them on the phone. While the rest of the family is eating. Children must learn that the guests must also follow the rules of the family home.
Naturally it is the parents who have to set the norm
misses the meal
if the father misses the meal
then so with the children
natural naturally for example, if the father or the mother missed a meal,
and instead sit in front of the TV because they want to see what happened to their favorite team
and they move that move the meal to the living room with eyes glued to the screen, and this will become the norm
and will happen and then the person the parent will not have no moral authority to insist that children do something different.
If parents sit in their favorite chair, and shout out to the servants to get this or that, so with the children, if parents litter Chilhowee litter,
if parents pay children to wash cars, and mow lawns and clean attics of garages, instead of personally doing these things, taking children along with them, their children will learn that as long as they can throw money at some purpose and do their work, they need not care for their own environment. Not only will they not learn to take care of the common spaces, but they will also learn to treat some jobs with disrespect, and to look down on those who do those jobs.
This is a huge, huge, big difference between the West and the East. Here if you go to
a restaurant, the person on the other side is a PhD student
is a graduate student who is working in the restaurant to answer extra money.
In India, for example, the person on the other side will remain on that side for the whole of their lives. It's not an interim job for them, that's what they do for a living. And that's what they will continue to do for living. They may simply move from a small restaurant to allow the restaurant to a big order, but they will never get beyond that. That is the problem.
If we educate and if we teach people the dignity of labor, then we will teach them to move from this side of the of the of the table online to the other side.
In our home, we had this custom, we had seven durability hazards in India. But you know, the servants are not allowed to polish our shoes.
Every weekend my father would sit with us and we would my brother and myself my sister said that we had three kinds of shoes we had brown to black shoes and we had canvas shoes on which you put chalk
we would all sit together and we would polish our shoes, you would use the the brush to apply the non porous bluster brush to apply that Polish separately black polish separately and we would apply the polish will first clean the shoe with a cloth with a brush with a cloth then we would apply the polish then we would brush it with a with a brush. And then we would hold it between our legs and pull the cloth lengthwise and then we will do that and provoke the switch over the show and shine the shoe until we got that absolute gloss.
I know how to sign shoes, because I learned how to change shoes. I never had to sign them change shoes of other people outside of a recession but I can share my own shoes and I do it to this day.
This is the meaning of tarbiyah
of by doing yourself my father has to do he used to shine his own shoes. So nobody had any complaint to say you're making me do no he used to do himself.
But other sisters please let us live and work in a way where we and our children become an asset to the world. Masala Bill Curry Marley