3 Tips If You Are Muslim And Thinking About Marriage

Oh, peace be upon you, Lauren booth here. Welcome to a brand new series. This is Lauren booth, British Muslim and.dot.so. Every episode, I'm going to be bringing you some of my tips and truths about life as a Muslim. So we're going to kick off with that contentious issue. By the way, I'm going to be drinking during this because I've tried been trying for the last half hour to record something that seems nice and casual. But when you've been a journalist for 20 years casual looks like hey, how are you guys? It's really nice to see you. We'll be back in a moment. And it's so sort of, it's very finished and polished, but I can't do casual unless there's food around. So this is a

it's a really nice piece of Turkish bread.

Okay,

that's good. This is me being casual

marriage. So when I came to Islam, I just been divorced about six months. This was in 2010. I've been Muslim, nine years now. So this is going to be my ninth Ramadan coming up handily. lurky. Robben Island. So I was wondering, how do you get married? Now before Islam? Obviously, I've been a journalist. I've been on TV. So had loads of male friends. In fact, I would say that I'd been a misogynist. What about you? Have you got many friends of your own gender? Or are you addicted to friendships with the opposite gender and all that flirtatiousness? Please don't get me drawn into. We're just friends. Suddenly, somebody looks nice. They're great to be around. You love their

company. Kind of very similar to a crush anyway. That's where I come from. That's been my experience. The number of times before I came to Islam, I got myself into sticky situations with guys who said, Hey, I just want to be your friend. They really didn't. Anyway, marriage.

Are you looking to get married? Are you muslim? Are you young? Are you old? Like me? I'm over 50 just want to get that out there. I'm not embarrassed about my age. I think every single age has a joy factor to it. Tips and truths about marriage? Are you a new Muslim? If you are, I wonder if you haven't heard this type? Yes, below if you have.

All you need is a pious brother. That's it. Some of the Sahaba The Friends of the Prophet peace be upon him, they would marry the woman would marry and the gift would be just a line of the Quran. You don't need anything else. Don't worry, a believing man for believing woman. Because he's got a beard. long as he's got a long shirt on that goes to the ground but not to his ankles, mind you, then you're in like Flynn. I just I'm tired of finding convert sisters sort of given the dregs of, of our community. A pious man is the very highest in the community. But what we get offered is the guy who's got no money, no character, no Dean, no family support, but he knows a line of the Koran.

Would you let your child get married to someone like that you go to your daughter, what you should aspire to, as a believer is someone with nothing to offer no good manners, but knows one line of the Quran. So why do you do that to new Muslims. I've known to many sisters and sisters. Be aware. You don't need to marry right away.

But marriage is the best form of lifestyle. Especially, especially in the deen, when you're not going out and you're not doing all this mingling in the evening and you've got time. And you want to commit to your beliefs and you want to commit to a family and a household. It's brilliant. Brilliant. get it wrong, is death and living death. So my number one tip, right first tip, don't rush into marriage. Don't Don't marry any old. You know he'll do this one's not married. We don't know who he is, but just marry him. Tip number one.

Number two.

How about this? Don't ask too much for the MaHA. Right. The Maha is a gift that the man gives that sort of benefit to the woman. Okay, it but it is a gift. It doesn't have to be something like she needs urgently. It's a gift. And it's meant to be weighty enough that it's going to matter if they break up and and he has to take it back. And it has to matter that he's got to give it to the woman do you see it's a really it's a weighty gift. It's something that binds them together. So it shouldn't be nothing. In fact, I was speaking to Brother Ali Dower. The YouTuber Ali Derek about couple of weeks ago about marriage and he said sisters in the West there's no excuse for less than

3000 pounds. Right 3000 pounds is a good barometer. Brother doesn't have it. If he loves you he's

gonna work for it. So, so tip number two is take the matter seriously and get advice on that no one know what it is. It is an embarrassing thing to say it's like, you know, because we all want to say Hang on, you know what I'm worth? I'm worth a Lamborghini, my friend. But I see that happening all around the Muslim world and the pious young brothers don't feel they can get married. They're being pushed into extra marital premarital and pre marital affairs, Zina right into sin, because the fam because the families of the young girls are saying, we need this Lamborghini in a house and you need to have, you know, 50 grand in the bank in the brother's like, Well, yeah, I'm gonna have to be 40

then there are there are certain things that you have a right to ask and to value and to want as the looks of the person. Have they got somewhere else? In other words, can they look after you we're not talking a great deal of wealth. But you know, you're going to be looked after in Sharla. You're going to like the look of them. This could be attraction. So many converts. We go into a marriage and we say feasable, Allah, the deen is enough.

There are different factors you're allowed to ask for. And family, good family really, really important. The heritage, your kids are going to look like this family.

Yeah, you better get on with them to a degree or at least think that at some point in the future you can. It's horrible. Believe me. It's horrible if you if the family rejects you. Tip number three.

So I was at a young sister's house the other night, lovely family, Indian heritage living in London. And I said, so she's 23 You're gonna get married then? And she

said, Oh, no, what what's happened? I'm really sorry. If I put my foot in it should. And the mom said yes. Something bad's happened. I said.

She said, Let me tell you the bad thing. I said, if your show said what is it? She said? Well, we had a meeting with a boy and his family last year. And it went on about six meetings over a rough few months and and then it didn't work out. They weren't compatible.

Or so that was brilliant. Brilliant. Why are you downhearted about that? Because it didn't work out. But that's the process. You're not meant to just take the first one that comes along. It's an interview process is the most important interview process of your life. Because unlike jobs which will come and go and careers which have changed dozens of times in a lifetime now, the marriage is the thing that is the cement, believe it, believe it. As someone who's had, you know, divorces, it's painful. It wrecks marriages, you want to get this one, right? You do more interviews for university than you do for marriage. Making a mistake.

So I said that's great news. If it if so here's a tip.

If you go if you if you have like a few meetings with a brother and it doesn't work out, it was never meant to be. That's you being saved from awkwardness, or much, much worse, two or three years down the line. Right? Nothing wrong with it. Nothing bad. Just go your separate ways. leave each other with peace. And start again. And truth is this. Pray, pray for the best. You know, sometimes we get a bit downhearted and we ask Allah to Allah from the crumbs of the King of Kings tables. So imagine if you go you're invited into a meeting with a member of a royal family. And when you get the the king says, Now ask me for anything. Anything at all. What do you want? Asked me and right

now I'll give it you. And so we're standing there and we see a cat bowl in the corner, we think Oh, that'd be nice. Can I get Can I have that cat bowl, please? The King would say

are you sure that's all you want? I can give you anything that you see feel here in all of my kingdom. And you go now alright, I'm good. Thanks just to cap off. First of all, you'd be a bit rude. Because it's a pointless little thing.

You haven't credited the king with what he's able to give you haven't accepted or acknowledged his generosity to you. My life turned around six months ago by the Grace of Allah when I started really really praying, really praying for someone to be everything. Everything that I wanted, Dean dunya studies ill caring financial for a lot. I said I you know what, Allah to Allah, please, just give me the best of the lot of it. For me, might not be the best for you.

You know, but the best for me the one that matches me. Guess what? I got an email from a brother.

And it's so far so good. hamdulillah so also final one sisters. Don't let anybody tell you that over 50 You can't get married.

To and that there and don't Sisters of any age don't don't let anybody tell you that the Muslim community there aren't good brothers. They're good brothers. They're waiting for sisters who don't ask for Lamborghinis over and out, see you next time. Take care somebody can