Jamal Badawi – Social System of Islam 26 – Engagement Cont

Jamal Badawi
AI: Summary © The social system of marriage is important for shaping relationships, privacy in relationships, and precautions for women. It is also important for couples to avoid false accusations and avoid giving gifts. Pres aimed privacy rules apply in various situations, including when a woman refuses to give a donation or a gift, when a woman refuses to give a bracelet or gift, and when a woman is divorced. The importance of avoiding discomfort, compatibility, and not wanting to get married to anyone who is not lawful for them is emphasized.
AI: Transcript ©
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In the Name of God, the benevolent, the Merciful, the creator and Sustainer of the universe, peace and blessings upon his servant and messenger Muhammad forever. I mean, I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except the one true God. And I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger and servant of God, I greet you with my usual greeting. This is a greeting that has been used by all of the profits from Abraham through to Prophet Muhammad peace of blessings be upon them all. The Universal readings of peace, assalamu Aleikum, which means peace beyond you. I'm your host hammer Rashid. Today we have our 26th program in our series dealing with the social system of Islam. And

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we'll be continuing our discussion on engagement. I have joining me as usual, Dr. Jamal battery of St. Mary's University jamala, Salaam Alaikum.

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As is also a fashion that I asked you to quickly highlight and summarize the main points that we touched on in our program. Last week, when we began our discussion on engagement. Surely,

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there were five basic points, I suppose. One, is to clarify some of the basic aims or objectives of marriage and Islam. And we indicated that marriage is not regarded in Islam as inevitable evil, nor is it connected with so called original sin because there is no such thing in Islam. And we quoted from chapter 30 in the Quran, that marriage really is a blessing from God, it's a bounty that God has provided.

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A second major point was the discussion of the criteria for selection of future spouses. And we quoted again, the saying and advice of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him that one should not seek and spouse simply because of wealth, beauty, or nobility of the family, but rather on the basis of religiosity and character of the individual. And in the case of selecting a future wife, to choose also the one who was first tied, and one who has to do it, which I translated as loving and lovable type of woman or girl.

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assert is that the same applications are the same criteria apply also in the woman selecting her future husband. And we quoted again, the sayings or the advice that should be married only to a person with good characters so that if he loves her, he would be generous and considerate to her. If he doesn't love her, at least he would not be unjust in his treatment of her.

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The first point was that a woman also in STEM is permitted to engage men or to seek marriage to a man even though usually it's the other way around. But there is no prohibition and that. And finally, that there is no objection in Islamic law, that the people engaged to each other,

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would see each other and talk to each other, provided, of course, that there are certain requirements of modesty and dress and behavior and that they should not be totally secluded, or in total privacy.

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Now, are there any particular reasons behind the costumes that you've just referred to? Yes, one to start with. Engagement is like a first step in marriage. But it's not marriage in itself. It is only a promise for marriage. It's not necessarily marriage.

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And as such, there is a possibility that things may not go through marriage may not necessarily materialize as a result of this relationship. And if the couples and in the static perspective, are allowed to go in total privacy, apartments, whatever, then they may be some question about the reputation of either or both sides. Because things some people may say may have happened in this total privacy away from everybody else.

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And that might jeopardize the opportunities for marriage to other people, especially in a community or society where chastity is regarded as very essential

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parts of the moral behavior.

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The other thing also that this is more even a protection for the female side, even because it's quite possible that some people who might be unscrupulous

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May exploits the dreams of a girl to get my

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my hides behind this engagement and promised to get married until they achieve whatever needs

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they may have in mind and then abandoned.

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Of course this would be quite harmful

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to her reputation in some cases, they might be even pregnancy as a result of this relationship.

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But I think we should remember also two things. First of all that in general in Islam, as was indicated under moral teaching,

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even in cases where there's no engagement,

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the man and woman in Islam are not supposed to be in total privacy, those who are not legitimate and to each other should not be alone,

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away from everyone else. And this is a method of model teaching and protection. As Prophet Mohammed indicated, as narrated in Ahmed, he says that, let no man be in total privacy with a woman he means a woman was not lawful unto him, because if they do, Satan will be there their search, I can imagine what happens of course, when people are certainly no, there is a possibility is just a kind of safeguard. But of course, it should be emphasized also, that these precautions does not mean that the future Captain or hopefully future covers

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should not mean they are allowed to meet discuss their future plans, but there should be at least somebody present they should not be totally secluded.

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Now, is it permissible for one to see one's fiance without them being knowledgeable of it? While it is a clear necessity for that, there is nothing wrong with that. One of the companions of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him by the name is Jabara Abdullah,

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after he got married, he used to narrate that he used to hide it,

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to watch his fiancee, wife, a future wife,

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of course, provided that he is not camped permanently under the tree. Watching all girls coming with me, there's necessity just try to discover the character of the individual, you know, but the she really who she like

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the same thing I suppose would apply to a woman also. She may hide wherever she wants, and just watch the person that hopefully would be her future husband, if there's a need for that.

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Now, in the case of engagements, are there any formal procedures that need to be followed, or that are suggested recommended? Well, anytime there is no particular formalities that must be followed. It's basically an informal type of procedure. Because as indicated before, it's mainly a promise for marriage or just the planetary approach.

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But in most customary the person would go to the girl's father or legal guardian, whoever he or she may be, and simply seek the hand of the girl.

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While there is nothing particularly required, some people prefer but that's not a must,

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to have a little party where it serves as a kind of announcement really Yes. Or offering some kind of a gift to symbolize a sort of rapprochement with the family. So there's nothing wrong with using this but there is not no must for it, it could be even a direct approach in some cases to the individual, himself or herself. Now what about a situation where a person decides to give a gift to announce their or to signify the engagement but then it happens that the engagement is broken,

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with the gift be returned.

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What you see, in Islam, the equivalent of gift called HIPAA has certain rules and Sharia but there are two types of gifts

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that are gifts which are given

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expecting no return whatsoever. Just by way of like donation like if you give something to a poor person, for example, say like this is just like a donation or gift.

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The rule for this type of guy is that you should not go back on it and there are certain sayings of the Prophet that you shouldn't go back and get but human this type of

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but the second type of gift also is the type of gift which is given in return for something or an expectation of something. And obviously a gift given by a fiance is a gift which is conditioned and more or less, at least understood to be related or condition and to the fulfillment of the total procedure that is getting matched.

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To the person.

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For that reason, we find that

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Judas Muslim jurists for monk has have addressed this particular question as to what happens if the engagement is broken.

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And here we have two situations. Either that the engagement is broken on the behest of the, the female side, that's wise to be, or the mid side,

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if the engagement is broken by the woman side, because she's the one usually courtesy of the guests.

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Then the jurist agree that he is entitled, for the return back of the gifts, if those gifts are still available, like for example, if he gets a golden rainbow or something like that, or bracelet, then he's entitled to get it back.

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If the thing that he gave by way of gifts is either used up or sold, or whatever, so even though it's not very usual, of course, to send a gift, but if it's not available, then he would be entitled for a compensation equivalent to the price of that gift. That's one case.

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If, however, the breaking of the engagement came from the male side, that is from the demand side,

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there are two opinions among Muslim jurists, some jurists, like the Maliki jurist, for example, say that he is not entitled, even

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if he goes back is not entitled to anything whether the guest as he gave or the equivalent value.

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But some other jurists, like the Hanafi, jurists seeing that he is entitled to get back his gift, if it is present, the same guy,

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but he would not be entitled

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to get it back if it has been used up, or you know,

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the consumer. So basically, the return of the gift in most cases would be permissive.

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This is also true if if the woman if the woman gave a gift to the to the fiance, and the engagement was broken, same thing applies. Yeah, the same thing applies equally to a female. The main reason I focused on the male giving the gift is simply because this is usually the customary practice not only among Muslims, I suppose in many other cultures also, that the men seeking the handle, the gun usually is the one who I know there are exceptions to them. But otherwise, the rule applies equally to men or young men document the same basic. Now, in addition to the gifts that may or may not be given other any other additional financial liability that comes about as a result of one becoming

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engaged. Well, the basic rule in Islamic jurisprudence is that

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there is no

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additional compensation. reason of course, being is that engagement is simply a promise to get married.

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The obligation is largely really a moral type of,

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of obligation.

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And the person really should not go back on it unless he or she discovered something which is quite essential

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that you know, should not okay when I will talk about

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the possibility of giving gifts,

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that maybe I should add one thing as well, because there is some additional contemporary problems that might have not risen in the past, which could arise today. And this even some contemporary Muslim jurist type address.

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What happened, for example, in the case of fiancee, who tells his wife to be that I would like for you, for example, to resign from your job. Because, you know, I'd like for you to get full time and attention to households, we'd like to get children and she agrees to that. And she resigns from her job. And then after a while he breaks the engagement.

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What this is a case that was not addressed by early jurists, but within the

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boundaries of Islamic law using the same principles in Islamic law. Some contemporary jurists, like Dr. sabbioni, for example, said that in that case, if there is certainty that there's harm, for example, she resigned from the job. After he broke the engagement, she tries to get back her job and she couldn't.

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And he feels that in this case, the woman is entitled to some compensation. As far as determining the amount.

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He suggested that this would be equivalent to one half of the marriage gift or match. And that's the amount that should be paid at the time of

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nuptial contract whether it was specified on the customary Marsh marriage gift for a woman of her living or social status. So even that problem is not

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Totally left out. There's a possibility the general rule, of course, is no but if there is clear harm, because there is a rule in Sharia that says one should not harm himself, or others, and in some cases a compensation could be called for, when are there any other ways to observe the engagement

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there are a number of

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things also that should be kept in mind. For example, the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, as quoted in both Muslim and

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he said that one should not engage a woman who's already engaged to someone else,

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I have to buy the hotel.

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The reason, of course, is quite obvious that, first of all, there's a social currency. I mean, if a man has already engaged a woman,

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not other person should just,

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you know, intervene at this time when they're still discussing, and there's supplementary agreement between them. So it is a curtsy. It is a matter also that would help to prevent

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disputes and bad feeling between individuals or between families involved that somebody just is trying to *. You know, the other fellow,

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I would say that the same thing also applies to the woman even though the Hadees, or the saying of the Prophet speaks about the man, but in every respect, the there's no reason to believe not, that this will not apply to, to the female side, that's a woman if he, if she's initiating engagement of a man should not engage a man who's already engaged by another woman.

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In addition to this,

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a Muslim also should not engage a woman who is going through a waiting period. By that we mean, a woman, for example, who is divorced, revocable divorce,

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she has to wait for normally three months, we'll be talking about that later. And when you get to the rules on divorce, but for the three months following her divorce, she's not supposed to get married.

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By the same token, it's not appropriate for a person to try to engage a woman during this immediate period following divorce.

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Not only would that be a kind of discussion, but it could also mean that you're blocking the way for reconciliation, because in Islam during this three months waiting period, there is an ample opportunity for reconciliation, and she may go back to her husband or husband, you know, agree that they will resume their marital relationships.

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A similar situation

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is the case of a woman whose husband

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recently died a widow.

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Again, according to the Quran, she should wait for 130 days before she can get married. So a person again should not

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openly engage such a woman. However, in this case, that's the case of a widow. As well as the case of a woman who is divorced irrevocably. That's the first time

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jurist also agreed that they could be an engagement but not openly.

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They call it the Aryans, which means just like getting or dropping a hint of some interest. But waiting until the waiting period finish on in this case is not in the case of irrevocable divorce.

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How well, a person can use his own imagination, like for example, telling the woman that he's interested in the widow, for example, that's well, I am really hoping that I'd be able to get married soon.

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I am praying to God to give me a pious wife like yourself,

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something of that sort, just to kind of hint without necessarily saying, you know, I'd like to engage you. So, in this particular cases, some kind of hints could also be permissible. In addition to this, of course, there are

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other things that one should

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keep in mind and engagement. One is to observe some basic need for compatibility. And secondly, one should also not engage a woman who is illegitimate unto him, there are certain categories and a standard person is not supposed to get married to

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now on this point of compatibility, explained to us the importance of competitive compatibility and its effects on the selection of a spouse.

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Well, there is a text in one of the sayings of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him that

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a woman should only be married to a person who is good good enough for her are compatible.

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interpreting or explaining However, what compatibility means. They have been different opinions by

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some jurist went into some greater detail, just applying their own judgment

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to include in as some of the conditions of compatibility, things like

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similarity and financial status, similarity and social status. Some even talk about similarity in professional

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type of education and all that. However, it would appear to me that this, these are their their opinion, of course, it's not necessarily a text in the world of the prophetic tradition.

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But my understanding is that a better interpretation and opinion given by managers is that compatibility simply means that you try to make sure that there is a reasonable chance of success in marriage between the two individuals involved.

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And as you know, success in marriage is not contingent on financial status or social status or any other factor. I mean, this might be a contributing forces, but it's not really a precondition for the success of marriage.

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So they ended up saying that

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a believer a Muslim, is compatible with any items.

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That is the what is meant by compatibility.

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And they give

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some reasons for that there are a number of documentation that could be given. First of all, in chapter 49, in the Quran, a short chapter called alpha gerat.

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It says that believers are but one brotherhood.

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And it says simply believers, let's put whatever they're all one single brotherhood. In the very same chapter also, it says, the novelist of you, and the sight of God is He who is more God conscious, the more pious

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which again removes any barrier, but the the the distinction on the basis of piety of the individual. And as such, all this aristocratic approaches or attitudes that, you know, a princess cannot marry a commoner, or this has no relevance, as far as the Quran is concerned.

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The other evidence is found in the saying of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, which, I think, metaphors that was made in a previous program, and this is when the Prophet says that if a person comes to you, and you accept and you're satisfied with his religiosity, and characters, then give him whatever daughters or sisters if you marry your sister, whatever, and manage, because if you don't do it, there will be big promotions and corruption. 100. And then that thing of the Prophet which by the way, was narrated in utter misery, he did not mention anything about the social or financial status, just the person who is good in terms of character.

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The Quran also supports that in chapter two in the Quran, particular verse 221. It says that a slave girl, who is a believer is better than one who is an atheist, or pagan or unbeliever, which again, opens the door wide for even a good, pious, former or present, even slave girl would be a better wife than an unbeliever. So that gives the emphasis again on faith.

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In addition to this, we find that in the own behavior of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him that he encouraged and agreed, and consented to marriages, which were like marriages between a free person and quote unquote, someone who was under bondage or slavery, or between a person who was a former slave and a woman, for example, was a novel woman in Christ, like the case of Zion.

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And Xena was a relative of the property, he was a former slave, and still, he even encouraged their marriage. So look, looking at all this points together, it would appear that

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the major concealability really would be paid. However, I should add also in the interest of balance, that even if this is taken as the fundamental basis for assessing the individual male or female for marriage, it does not mean however, that one should totally ignore things that may threaten the stability of marriage not worse, or social status. An example of that if a man for example, was 70 years old, is married to a 20 years old good, for example, if there's a problem of compatibility, Islam does not say that the age must be exactly within so many years. But I mean, if there's a big gap like that, it may not necessarily be a very successful match. Or in some cases, if

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there's a big gap and educational level, which would prevent some kind of rapport and communication.

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If in that particular case, there is risk that marriage will not succeed, then one should also try to look into this as an additional factor.

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But in any case, those compatibility question, sometimes the subject also to customary

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practices in different places provided it's not just a matter of just the stability of marriage.

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When I mentioned earlier that

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a person should not become engaged to a woman who was not lawful for him to marry, could you give us some idea of or explain what exactly is meant by those people who are not lawful? be engaged. Okay. Before I do that, I just like to make a remark that whatever I'm going to clarify on this issue applies equally to male and female. Yes, but that just assuming now that the male is the one who's seeking marriage, but the same rule applies just to avoid being too cumbersome and repeating. Right. For example, if we say that in Islam, a man could not get married to his sisters, so the same thing applies, a sister could not get married to her brother. But basically, there are two major

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categories of prohibitions. One is the category of people who are prohibited for marriage to the individual on a permanent basis. That's forever. And another category of those who are prohibited on a temporary basis, if the conditions change, they may be not according to mine, let me address first the permanent transition of mushrooms.

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First of all,

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among this group, there are three sub categories.

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There are those who are prohibited from the index for the individual to get married to, because of one, the

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lineage relationship. And this includes four basic categories. ancestors, one cannot get married, for example, to his mother, or grandmother.

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Secondly, one cannot marry to his descendants. One cannot get not married to his daughters or

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her daughter, granddaughter, for example.

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Certainly, one cannot get married to the branches of his parents, like sisters, for example, whether she's a full sister, or half sister.

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Firstly, one cannot get married to the branches of his grandparents, which means his aunts. For example, either from mother's side or from the Father side, this four categories would be for him, this is one. Secondly, there are those who are unbuffered by because of marital relationship. For example, a person in Islam cannot get married to his mother in law, cannot get married to his stepdaughter cannot also get married to a woman who was married previously to his father, widowed or divorced of his father.

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Nor can he get married to a widow or diversity of his son. That's the second. A third category is the case of the suckling prohibition because of settling. In some societies, it's customary for a woman to give her child to another woman to second, that woman in Islam was seconds a baby even though it's not her own baby.

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She's the Goddess, just like a mother. So the person when he grows up, he cannot get married to her. Nor can he get married to any other girls who cycled from the same

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from the same mother. And not only the mother and daughter, but like the Prophet says anything that's prohibited because of lineage is also prohibited because of suckling. So it cannot get married to the mother who secondhand the sister by suckling or to the aunt of his suckling mother. The same thing as lineage. As far as the temporary

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prohibitions. It includes categories such as a woman who does not believe in any revealed religion, for example, until she becomes a believer, a woman was in the waiting period, but because after the waiting period, the person could engage her and get married to her. And there might be some other categories that might arise in the context of discussion of some other particulars of family law in Islam. Let's leave it there for today because our time I believe is is gone. We want to thank you for being our guest. Thank you for watching.

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