The Marriage Crisis

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Ismail Kamdar

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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There's been a growing fitna in our community, and in fact many growing fitness in our community that are interrelated. And all of these fitna, that had an impact on something which until recently, we considered a normal fact of life. And that's the idea that

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children grow up. And eventually they get married. And then they have children of their own. And this is the norm. This is what how society has always been, this is something we all took for granted. Over the past 10 years,

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you will have noticed that more and more of the youngsters are not getting married

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for a variety of different reasons, some have no interest in marriage, some don't want children, and some are caught up in various forms of immorality, that take them away from average.

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And we don't talk about this enough, we don't talk about the impact that this will have on society in the in the long run.

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And so what I want to talk about not just today, because this is a very long topic, what I want to talk about perhaps over the next few weeks, maybe the next few months, is number one, the importance of marriage. Number two, how to educate and raise our children in a way where they take this concept seriously. And number three, the various fitness in our community that are getting in the way of marriage. Now, this topic can get very controversial, because some of the fitness we have to discuss are things that people are very caught up in, right, various movements in the world today, that people are passionate about. But we have to be clear and explicit that these movements are an

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Islamic, and the role they are taking the youth down is very, very dangerous. So we have this problem today, where people don't want to get married. And it's not just a Muslim problem. It's a global problem across the globe, from the USA to South Africa, across the globe, manager rates are going down in every country that has been affected by these various figures. And the Muslims are no different. I when we when I meet youngsters today, in the past, you know, maybe they would have been like you someone would see or get married, but I'm 20. And then you change your family when I'm 25. During the next generations, I'll give value to them. 30. Now we have a generation and say, I don't

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see the need to get married. Why should I get married? Why do I want the headache of a wife? Why do I want the burden of children, I'm praying, I'm enjoying my life.

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This is a problem. Maybe one or two people will had admitted wouldn't be a problem when it's becoming a norm when it's becoming the default mindset of the youth that this is a problem. Because this is going to interfere with the continuation of the species and the continuation of Islam and the Muslim community.

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Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us that not the Buddha gotta get married and have many children. So my number will be larger than the Day of Judgment.

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First, we stopped with having many children, right? But now we stopped even when they're getting married. We are moving further and further away from this one. Well, I put together a list of reasons why people don't want to get married anymore. In turn internal reasons when problems within the Muslim community and external reasons problems from the broader society that are impacting the Muslim community and I have over 10 reasons listed here. I will not be able to go to all of them in a single footpath. So perhaps I will split this over two or three weeks. But let's start off with some of the more obvious reasons. Let's uh, what I'll do is I'll discuss one internal reason, then

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one external reason and keep switching like that. That's not the internal reason that many of us are guilty of, but we don't take serious. We don't realize the impact hasn't been huge. And that is the jokes we make about marriage. I want us to think about this very serious, right? How often have you been following the car and someone will give a lecture that

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causing some silly joke like, oh, when you get value, these three types of rings are wedding ring engagement, ring and suffering. And all the elders laugh at the joke. But we don't realize the younger generation at every Nikka they are yearning about suffering and about, you know, valleys being a chain of valleys being a prison. What do you think that does to their mind? What reason? Are you giving them to want to get married when they are older, when the only thing they are yearning from the time they are little is that marriage is suffering, validation, imprisonment, marriage gets in the way of freedom, What message are we giving them.

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And I know sometimes we think oh, it's just like jokes. Maybe for one generation, it's a light job. But for the next generation, with everything else with all these other factors we're going to discuss, it is putting them off marriage, it is distancing them for marriage, it is making them not want to have anything to do with this concept that they liquid suffering.

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So my first simple advice to all of us stop with the negative jokes about marriage. Stop with these jokes have no positive value for us as a community, they are not doing any good for the community, we are getting a few laughs at the detriment of the mental health of the next generation. So stop with his jokes. He is no good in this kind of humor. Now, let's go to an external reason.

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And this topic is something that really, it's gonna need a good barbecue. But just to bring it up because it needs to be brought up because I don't hear anyone talking about it is the fitna of individualism.

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Nobody talks about this. And this is to me the biggest fitna affecting our youth, what is individualism? It is this new culture, that it's all about me. It's this new culture, that it's all about what I want. That's my life, my rights, my freedom, my joy, it's all about me. It is the worship of the self. That's what individualism is. And many, many of our youth have been afflicted with individualism without even knowing it happening. Because they are growing up in a culture that is very individualistic. You know, it's a culture where everything revolves around, you

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know, we look at social media, and the way the youth engage with social media. It's all about how many followers do I have? How many likes to it? How many people love me, how many people take me as an influencer, it's all about the self. Now, when somebody is all about themselves, they become egotistical. They life becomes all about what they want. And now they see a spouse as getting in the way of that, that, Oh, I have less freedom. If I get down, I have less chance to do what I want divided man, I won't be able to live the life I want if I get married, and children don't even think about it, because children are definitely going to get in the way of that egotistical culture. So we

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have to talk about individualism Inshallah, perhaps I'll give a good part on that later on in the series. But this is a topic No one's even mentioning. And it is destroying our communities to such an extent, that recently, for the first time, I think, ever, I've heard cases where a woman would say, I want to divorce. And you'll ask, what's wrong? Is he abusing you? Is he bad, you actually know, I have the best husband in the world. He takes care of the kids, he takes care of me, he spoils us. But when meantime, I want to focus on me. I want space so I can do what I want. I don't want to have any duties towards a husband or children. That's why I want to divorce. If you don't

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think individualism is affecting us, they are then trying to understand why is someone in such a happy marriage, looking for a divorce because she wants her space, because she only wants to focus on herself. This is the fitna of individualism, and is affecting us on every level, is the reason why children don't listen to their parents. It's the reason why people don't want to get married is the reason why people don't want to have children. It's a reason why some people don't even want to work. You know, it's all become about gratifying one's own knifes. And this is a major, major problem that is destroying our community.

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Switching back to the internal reasons, right, the reasons within our community, why are you don't want to get married. And another reason why you don't want to get married from within our community is to do over exposed to horror stories about damage. Let me give you a typical example that happens in our households. All the aunties get together. And these are talking about what's wrong with this course is valued at what's wrong with that person's marriage. And this person was abused that this person was divorced. And this person went through that and all the young girls are sitting and listening to these stories. Never do they ever hear a positive story about marriage. Never do they

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ever your story about someone was management about never do the years story about someone who advantages happy all the year from the time the kids are horror stories. And you want to know why that young girl is not interested in ever getting married. Look at what you are feeding up. The waste is feeding off

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All of these lies about Xena, leading to happiness about Xena leading to love loads in our leading to fulfillment. And we are feeding him the horror stories of marriage leading to abuse the valleys leading to you know, to oppression and manage leading and even in some cases it does. But we feel it so much that it seems like that's the norm. And that's what everybody's doing, when in reality, those are the exceptions, not the norm.

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So how do we come to this, start showing your children positive examples of marriage, starting with your own image, let your marriage be a role model to your children that I want to have what my parents have. That should be you know, the the the number one goal I want to have what my parents and maybe in some cases, the parents don't have it right? Maybe if they think beyond one's control someone's divorce someone is widowed, or whatever the case may be, show them other examples. Maybe the uncles maybe the grandparents, if not even that, at least, the Syrah suit in the life of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam in one man is brought to his life. So then the example of the Sahaba

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and whatnot is brought to their life, but show them positive examples and positive stories about marriage. To counter this narrative, that is something that we have to do this, we can't be just either making bad jokes about marriage, or talking horror stories about marriage and expecting the next generation to think

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this culture has to change, we have to start portraying it in a positive light. Otherwise, we're going to see an entire generation where we are either already seeing an entire generation who are not interested in getting married.

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Switching over to the negative to the outside factors that are causing the youth not to want to get married. Very obvious one is the ease of access to haram.

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More than ever, young people have access to every haram imaginable.

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And when the Haram has become normalized, and they don't even see the Haram any longer, and they don't even see it as a sin any longer. And they just see the normal thing that they do every day. Why would that person ever wonder responsibilities that come with marriage?

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You know, there's a lot more controversial things I can say about this. But you know, it's stepping stones.

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We It started when 20 or 30 years ago, we started discouraging those people who have multiple wives and we started encouraging them to have affairs instead. This was our community this rather my husband having an affair and have a second wife. So first we started saying oh affairs are fine. Right? So that's major send people started normalizing it to somebody doesn't do

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now it's gone further. Now we have teenagers in xenon, oh, which normal is normal, experimenting now to be experimenting with Zen, experimenting with evil, fear Allah, we must feel Allah as a community we have, we are heading down a very, very dangerous path. It started with something else, it's gone all the way down here. And now, the building upon that they are even bigger fitness affecting our youth fitness that we never even imagined 20 or 30 years ago, you know, the foot that they are bombarded with do the movies and the TV shows that they watch. Many of us have the older generations can't even imagine these levels of it now.

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They are alternative lifestyles, these alphabet lifestyles being promoted to them, that are pure sin, they are nothing in there, but sin, it is completely sinful. And you're not even allowed to see that.

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And they have been taught by the schools, if you don't go to some schools, they have been taught by the by Netflix, they've been taught by the cartoons. They've been taught by the video games, that this is normal, that this is good. You know, 20 years ago, we've been taught to to tolerate it. Now we've been taught to celebrate it.

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Can you imagine a child growing up in that environment with no counter narrative? Can you imagine the impact that has to do so.

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And now we see it, we see it in our communities, we see it that this fit now has entered the Muslim community that there are Muslims out there who are identifying with these immoral cultures.

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And we have to come to this and inshallah we'll have entire good parts about this. And that brings me to the last reason to discuss for today. Like I said, I have a list of 10 reasons. We will split them over your footpaths. But the last reason why I believe that our youth are not getting married or if they are getting married or getting divorced very quickly. It because we're not preparing them for marriage.

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And let's be honest, how many parents sit with the teenagers and talk to them about marriage? How many parents that have their children and the teenagers and teach them what it means to be a good husband or good wife? What are the rights and the roles and responsibilities how to make a marriage work?

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To be honest, many parents have raised their children for divorce. That's why they've raised their children for divorce. Totally adopted, they tell the children you know if they give you any trouble you'll get a divorce you I'm teaching you this in case you get divorce in case you get the watch Nami kids have been raised on the occasion get divorce mindset. Why would they ever want

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If you get married, if all the year growing up is in case you get divorced, how many of us have actually taught you how to be a good husband how to be a good wife, the importance of marriage that appear that you expect your child to get married, at least by the early 20s, we have made this a taboo topic. That's what we have done. And sometimes, I'll talk to my child when he's 25, or 30, about marriage by 25, or 30, they've already committed so many major sins become really difficult to undo it. Nowadays, you have to start talking to your child about these things with their 10 years old.

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That's the fact the world we are living in from the time they attend, you have to start having conversations, you have to teach them about puberty, you have to teach them about reproduction, you have to teach them about how babies are made. You have to teach them about the marriage and sanctity of marriage and the importance of marriage, you have to teach them about the modalities out and why it is wrong, and why Islam does not accept it. The job falls with the parents and the educators. And we have failed on both fronts. How many of our Islamic high schools offer courses on marriage,

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preparing children for marriage, preparing teenagers for marriage, how many of us teach them about how to lower your gaze, how to remain chaste? How to Avoid Sera. We don't, you know, our education system doesn't cover these topics. We just expect people to automatically know if no one's going to automatically know it falls upon teachers, it falls upon periods to educate the next generation. And we don't do so we are part of the reason why they are not ready for marriage and they don't want to get married. So these are just few of the fitness that we are facing, that are getting in the way of marriage. Whether it's the jokes remake, or the horror stories that we tell, or the fact that we

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don't have these discussions with our children and our teenagers, or the the outside influence of individualism and feminism, and the alphabet people and all these other fitness that are affecting the society. We as parents have to play a role in raising our children in such a way that they understand the importance of marriage, they want to get married. And then we also we also facilitate for them that management time site. So behind Robin is that the emergency phone was salam, mousseline 111?

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In Alhambra Villa moving with us, he known as the Pharaoh would have been up here with the guacamole on my back.

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So how do we talk to our kids about these topics? Again, you know, for many of us, these topics are taboo. They think that we don't bring up at all. And then parents are shocked when their kids fall into sin. Ken's are shocked when he learned the 13 or 14 year old is involved in agents.

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We have to have to talk with him drop before them. We have to teach them right from wrong. And one of the things you can do to help them avoid the evils in the fitness out there is to teach them the beauty of marriage, to teach them the importance of marriage to teach them the benefits of marriage. We don't do that anymore. We take it as a default that when they get of age, they're going to want to get married, but by the time they get of age, they are so used to the Haram and they are so surrounded by Harare, they have so much ease of access to haram and they are so caught up in their own cells. You don't want to get

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from a young age, you must teach them the beauty of marriage. How do you do that? What do you focus on? We go back to the verse I quoted at the beginning where Allah subhanaw taala says from amongst these signs is that he created for amongst you, your spouses, to live together in peace, and he has placed love and mercy between y'all. These are Signs for those who think in this verse, Allah subhanaw taala brings about three benefits of marriage, building homes of peace, love, and mercy, compassion, that these are the benefits of a marriage that the right way. They when someone chooses to get married in a way that is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala and that value is founded upon

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taqwa and a marriage is done in a way that is right

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then that marriage inshallah and there are exceptions to every rule, but Inshallah, that marriage will be a source of Sakina it will be a source of inner peace, that values will be a source of My Word, that it will be a source of love, that value will be a source of Rama, of compassion and mercy. Teach them about the importance of continuing this woman that the prophets of Allah leaves them told us that now Kahuta Gaza will get married and have a lot of children. He taught us this, that you expect your children to grow up and have their own children. You expect this as a parent and have these conversations with him. The importance of having children the benefits of having

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children, the joy and love and beauty that children bring into your life. It's a sad thing that you know, when you when you read the Quran, Allah shahada tells us that Allah has made beautiful women and children

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meaning, the things that men are supposed to love the most are the wives of the children. But now we live in a time when people don't want wives and they don't want children.

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Meaning our fitrah has been so corrupted that people no longer see children as a source of joy. They see children as a burden. They see children as unwanted responsibility.

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And if other people are doing this, what's going to happen to the next generation? Will they even be a next generation.

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So parents teach your children the importance of the fact that one day they will have their own children, and that that's a good thing. And that that those children will be a source of joy for them. And that the that the relationship they have with you Insha Allah, they have the same relationship with their children. Right, so they need to have a good relationship with you.

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Another thing of Ghana for the values to teach your children is is that marriage brings about dignity and honor. Why all of these haram lifestyle to bring with it disgrace, disgrace in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala disgrace in the eyes of the believers disgrace in the eyes of society, that when someone chooses a lifestyle of Zina or any of the other evil lifestyles, they will be disgraced. They will be disgraced people look down on them, people will back by the bow then people won't want anything to do with them. Even though these things have been normalized. This is just the fitrah. It is the feature no matter how much people try to normalize. It is the fitrah that people

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look down upon others who are involved in a lifestyle of sin. It's just human nature to be disgusted by a lifestyle of seven.

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Or when someone chooses chastity. When someone chooses to lower the days, when someone chooses to restrain themselves from sin. When someone chooses to get married, and to take up the responsibilities of marriage and to make their marriage work. They become dignified and honored in the sight of Allah subhanho wa Taala and the eyes of society as well. Who do society look up to? They look up to those who make their marriages work. They look up to those who take up the responsibility and fulfill that responsibility. They look up to those because those men who are able to be responsible and make a marriage work are the ones who are capable of leading businesses.

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They're the ones more capable of leading organizations. They're the ones who are capable of leading society, because they show they're capable of leadership.

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So teach your children that marriage brings with it honor and dignity. Why all these other haram lifestyles are being promoted with on the media, bring good in disgrace, and bring good in a lot of problems.

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There's a lot more we can say about this topic. As I said, we will split it over a few weeks. We ask Allah to protect us from the fitness of our time or to protect our youth from the fitness of our time, there are a lot of fitness out there that are taking them away from the fitrah from the natural way of life towards all kinds of immorality, including moralities, we couldn't even imagine 10 or 20 years ago, we ask Allah to protect us from this to revive the culture of marriage to revive the culture of dignity and honor to make us once again, the Honorable nation I end by reminding everyone that Islam is now the main barrier between this world and immortality. Everybody else feels

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everybody else caved in. Everybody else say okay, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. You know, they all started accepting all the immoral lifestyles. The only barrier now between this world and morality is Islam. And we have to stand our ground. This is a intellectual jihad. We have to stand our ground stand for what is moral, even if you get cancelled, even if you get banned from entering certain countries, whatever the case may be, but stand for what is right. Because we are now all that stands between this world anymore. We ask Allah to protect us and guidance to Rihanna, Robin is of your majesty, food was allowed. No one Rosaleen will have to do

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it