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Happy Homes: A Sunnah Guide

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Ismail Kamdar

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

Episode Notes

A Jumah Khutbah focused on lessons from various hadiths related to having a happy family.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah

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wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah.

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Before we begin, just a quick reminder, we don't have

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a lot of water today. So if you're making a mistake, please just make a part of it right don't use a lot of water because we need to last all the most of these are coming late as well. So those who are making Would you please, just to the pharmacist to the basics, so that, you know, he basically your face, your arms, masa, and your feet. So that is enough water for everybody.

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Today's topic supposed to be a happy topic is supposed to be talking about happy homes and you know, our families and making sure our families are happy.

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I was actually thinking twice about what the topic may be changing it. But then I realized maybe we do need some happiness.

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No, very tragic event took place earlier today. We are hamdulillah for Juma few hours ago Juma in New Zealand, there was a massacre of Muslims who were praying. And we ask Allah to accept their debts as martyrdom, and to bring justice to the person who did it. And to those who influenced him. We ask Allah to restore power and dignity to Omar. So we don't have to suffer this kind of humiliation any longer. It's really, really difficult, you know, to to read about the things that happen to the outer world wins Africa needs to be very grateful for the fact that we have freedom of religion. And for the most part, we are saved from Islamophobia compared to other countries. But we

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should make to our brothers living in those countries and even for ourselves that things don't get worse. So don't think don't change for the worse. And, you know, just remember these people in their doors, their families, as well. We have our executive deeds and accepted debts as a good debt, and really bring justice to the murderer, and prevent such murders from occurring in the future.

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So today's topic,

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I wanted to speak about the importance of family.

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And this is a very important topic. Because,

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you know, for many of us, when we think about Islam, we think about the rituals, you know, praying five times a day fasting

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Zakah, we think about the dress code, you know, how we dress, the job, the customer just for men, the beard, but we don't often talk about something which is emphasized a lot in design. That's our treatment of our families. And so today's discussion is going to be a very Heidi's heavy discussion, what I'm basically going to do is, I'm going to narrate a lot of her thesis, and from each of these are going to show us how to have a happy home. Because Rasulullah sallallahu, alayhi wasallam was the best role model, as a spouse, as a parent, in every in every possible way. He was the best role model. And so when we learn about how he was with his wives, with his children, with the other

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people who lived in his home, then we can emulate that in our own homes. And it's a sad reality that we live in a time where almost every week we have a case of somebody who has a big beard, he wears a coat and he goes to the masjid five times a day, but he's violent and abusive to his wife and children and he's a monster at home. May Allah protect us our hope is none of us will be like that. But if you are you have to really, really really introspect as to what kind of Islam Have you studied? Because Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has never hit a woman or child in his life. That's our role model that's different. So for a man to think that Islam is just restricted to how

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he behaves in the masjid, you know, you're only fooling yourself and the Day of Judgment, you'd be responsible to Allah subhanho wa Taala, for how you treated your family. So we begin with the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which he said,

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam said that the best of you, the best of you, are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family. So there's two parts to this the first part of the Hadith the prophet will also be seen, if you want to know who are the best of Muslims who are the best of people. Look at how people treat their wives and children, how they treat their family members.

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This is the testable who really is the best because it is very easy to pretend to be pious in the masjid. It is very easy to put on a show for the community, to where the quarter and to be to, to grow a beard to stand in the front have to cry in the front. So it's really easy to do these things. But at home, that's where we let our guard down. That's

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When we are our real selves, and that is why

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a man's wife and children are the real testimony to the type of person he is. If a man's wife has nothing but good to say about him, understand he truly is a good man, because she knows all the secrets. She knows all these weaknesses. She praises him and loves him and talks about him honorably, then he truly must be the best of men. The second part of the Hadees is why our topic is so heavily focused on hobbies today, the proper soil, some said I am the best of you to my family, meaning the best human being in the history of this world in the treatment of family members, is Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam. So if we want to learn, how do we treat our families, how do

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we treat our wife? How do we treat our children? How do we treat any members of our family? Who do we look at? We look at Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we look at how he treated his wife and children. And we emulate that this is the sooner you know, we emphasize the wrong kind of student it stays we very, very strict about the quota. And in reality, Rasulullah never said anything about the quota. He didn't. We're very strict about the topi. He never mentioned anything about the topic. But we're very strict about if someone comes to a mosque, you know, wearing these things, we pick on them and we fight with them as if this is one of the five pillars of Islam. But

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when it comes to the Sunnah of the best of your best to your family. Many of us throw this out the window. We don't even think about it. We don't even know. Nowadays, it seems that many people who claim to be practicing Muslims are the worst of people to their families. May Allah protect us from ever being like that.

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So I want you to read some pieces from each Heidi's we learn how to be with our families. And by families, I'm referring primarily to our spouse and our children. And I was just designed attended to I'm talking primarily to the men is because in general, most of the sisters I have met are hungry, good mothers and good wives. And a lot of brothers have a lot of room for improvement. sisters have room for improvement as well. But a lot of my focus will be on the men today. Right? But this is the attention as well because these lessons apply both ways. Whatever I'm going to mention, it applies to being a good mother or a good father, a good husband or a good wife. So

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everybody can benefit even though I may be primarily addressing the man.

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The First Lady so purpose, Allah, Allah wa salam, one day he was sitting with the Sahaba in public, and his grandson came up to me his grandson was a baby like two or three years old. And he picked him up and he kissed him. He picked up his grandson in front of all the Sahaba and he kissed one of the big ones who are sitting there commented. He told the professor Islam I have 10 sons, I've never kissed him in my life.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam these two innovations in one direction, he said, What can I do if Allah remove mercy from your heart?

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In the other generation, this is the one I want to focus on. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy, man law or

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whoever does not show affection will not be shown affection. Now this halys gives us the primary rule in Islam for being the best to our families. And that is number one. Show them affection.

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Now very often when we counsel teenagers or Muslims who were in the early 20s you know, they tell us my father never once in my life told me he loved me.

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All he ever does you criticize me?

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Forget that. He criticized why you never get a plus. By getting a BYU you get an A, you know if I get a job waiting to get a better job. This is the relationship between the father and child This is not the sooner This is not how Rasulullah slowly son was with his children. The fact that many of us have never kissed our children never have they never told him that we love them. This is the practice of the jarvey, the Bedouin that prophets of Allah polysome was collecting, not the practice of the prophets of Allah leaves on himself. His practice was to show love and affection to his spouses and children, and he would show that affection to his children even in public, he did not

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feel ashamed to pick up his grandchild and kiss his grandchild in public. And the other additions that clearly showed that the practice lonesome showed affection to his family members, for example,

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when one of these harbor came to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam and said, Oh rasulillah Who do you love the most?

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Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said he

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only mentioned apes. If another guy asked you who do you love the most? You're gonna mention your wife's name. Right? This is publicly showing his affection for his wife.

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Another IDs or rather an original one of the Sahaba and after I shot this many years after

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Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam passed away, I'm sure Rachel on her. She was sitting in her nephew's house. And her nephew was married to her niece in terms of distant cousins like second cousins. So they both weigh in terms like her nephew and a niece. So she knew both of them. Personally, one was late for her father's side of the family and the other from her mother's side of the family. But basically, they would distance cousins to each other, and they both knew her as the auntie. They both grew up under her. So she had a very open and frank relationship with both of them. So it was in the month of Ramadan, her nephew comes home, he greets his wife and his auntie and he hits

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towards you know, to eat. So I should tells his nephew, and this is in the water nomadic she tells her nephew, her nephew, why don't you kiss your wife? You walk in the house, you know, kisser.

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And he said, I'm fasting. She turns to me and says the purpose was me to kiss me when he was fasting.

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Hi, this is in the water family in the chapter. Are you allowed to kiss your wife in basket. But I want us to look at it from a faith perspective. And look at it from the perspective that I showed you on how many years after Rasulullah sallallahu, the son passed away, she still remembered the affection he used to show her. And she tried to teach it to her nephews and nieces and to the next generation of Muslims. She tried to pass along the steps, this relationship between the husband and wife is very important. And again, many sisters these days complain that their husbands are very rough with them. They don't show them affection. You know, many of us for some reason we think it's

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masculine, you know, to to not show affection to our wives. That's not what Islam teaches. That's not the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu. So all this about, you know, Omar rajala. I know many of us, you know, we think of Omar as this rough, tough guy that we're trying to emulate. But it was Omar Rajan who advise men to be like a child, when you're with your wife and children, but to be manly in public, meaning you're supposed to have two different personalities in public, we are mainly men, yes, that's fine. But when you at home, you need to be softer, you need to be gentler, you need to be more loving, you need to have that kind of personality in private. And many of us are

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lacking this. So the number one principle that we take from this Hadees is that when it comes to our wives and children, we must show them affection. What is the repercussion of us not showing them affection, not showing them affection. It's in the Hadees mandla, your yahama whoever does not show affection will not be shown affection. As you treat others, you shall be treated. Meaning if a man is abusive to his children, he hits them, he shouts and he criticizes them. He never once in his life tells him that he loves them. He doesn't hug them, he doesn't play with him. He doesn't have any relationship with them. When they grow up,

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can he expect them, to love Him, to want to spend time with him to want to hang out with him to want to look after him. They don't want to have that relationship where they're going to want to do that islamically they must do that. But they're not going to have the relationship were they going to want to do that. Why? Because affection breeds affection. Violence breeds violence.

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And so if we want our children to be affectionate to us, it starts with us being affectionate to them, whoever shows mercy shall be shown mercy. how you treat your children is the type of people they're going to grow up to be. If you are cold towards them, they're going to be cold when they grow up. If you don't have affection towards them, they're not going to be affectionate towards you when they grow up. If you never told them that you love them, they're not going to love you when they grow up. Why? Because that's the role model you were to them.

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So we need to be very careful. how we treat others is how we shall be treated. So my message to everybody is to think very, very carefully. What kind of relationship do I have with my spouse and my children?

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Am I the kind of person who they look forward to me coming home? Am I the kind of person who have kids can't wait for me to go to work so you don't have to see my face for the rest of the day.

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Which which which side to be following

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is a very, very important thing to think about.

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The next head is

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Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he degenerated that when I showed her gamma rays, they when she was young, she ran a race with the prophets along the summit in a private police where no man could see her, and she beat him. As she got older, and she picked up a bit of weight. They had a race again, and this time he beat her. And he told the deceased for that.

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In another video, the purpose while so many came back for one of his journeys, he saw his small grants and about three or four years old running around, so he started chasing him and start chasing him and seeing the Arabic equivalent of a little rascal, rascal and the Chinese are laughing.

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In a third ideas, the purpose loves them was one sitting with his wife Ayesha in the home, in the on the day of eating, and there were some other young girls they playing with the drum and singing. Alberto came in and start shouting those goals and the

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propositions we leave them, we let the disbelievers see that we also have fun. That is relaxation in our religion.

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All three of these are Jesus. All have teachers one point, the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam, the most serious man to have ever been to the most serious job of all time, he was the Prophet, the teacher, the political leader, the commander of the armies. He was all of this. But he made time to have fun with his wife, he had made time to have fun with his children and grandchildren. He wasn't a boring husband or a boring father or avoiding grandfather. He was the fun time, he was the kind of person who children looked forward to spending time with him. That was the kind of person he was children look forward to spending time with him. His wife looked forward to spending time with him.

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He was easy going into home, he was someone who you wanted to spend time around. One of the children who grew up around the prophets lie some stated that when we first saw the property, we are full of awe of him. They want to spend time with him, he didn't want to leave aside, because he was such a nice, friendly, easygoing person. And so the point I'm trying to get through here is that

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how many of us spend quality time with our spouses, again, is part of this willingness to spend quality time with your spouse is part of the sooner sometimes a man wants to do the bare minimum, you have some brothers that come to you and say, in Islam, I just had to give my wife shelter, food and clothing. That's all I have to give anything more.

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say things like this. If you say something like this, there's something wrong with you, really, you really think you can make a relationship work by doing the bare minimum.

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as Muslims are supposed to strive to be the best not to do the bare minimum, you think any wife today is going to settle for just shelter, food and clothing, not even 1000 years ago when they settle for that. Because that's not what a woman wants from a man she wants to be loved. She wants to feel secure, she wants to feel happy. She wants to feel appreciated. If you don't give her all these things, food, shelter, clothing, she can get it herself. He says she doesn't need you for that.

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So

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my message in from this Hadees is spend quality time with your spouse, spend quality time with your children. These days, we live very busy lives. Some of us work two jobs. Some of us have multiple businesses, some some of us are like we studying and working at the same time, our children are going to school and madrasa and after after school activities. And many of us don't see each other. You know, in some families, the husband is working, the wife is working the children at school. And you know the day they come home with different hours. And then what happens is, we grew up as strangers to each other. Many Muslims in the in the home, the husband and wife don't know each

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other, the parents and children don't know each other.

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This is not quality time, the bare minimum quality of at least one meal habits a family together. Even if it's just supper, sit together as a family talk to each other, get to know each other spend quality time with each other. This is something your spouse and children will appreciate in the long run. These are the things they remember when they grow older.

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But if you don't do this, then relationships drift apart. And that's when problems start. When we are not making an effort to spend quality time with our families. That's when we drift apart from each other.

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So two points you mentioned thus far, the professor laugesen was very affectionate to his spouse and children. And he spent quality time with him and he played with them and he had fun with them. I another adage the purpose law you saw them on the day of eat some of the abyssinians we're doing a play with the spears in the monster and he took a shot to watch it. And he did not leave until she got hired, even though he was hired much earlier because he was much older than her. But he waited until she had finished enjoying the show before going home.

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How many of us have that kind of consideration for our spouse to even do anything fun with them? Again, you know some of us have this strange idea that fun is not part of Islam or that we need to be serious all the time to be Muslims no balance, time for this a time for that. The words of Rasulullah saw in some of translation of what he said to one of the Sahaba he said a time for this and a time for that time for ibadah time for having fun time for being with your spouse and children time for sleeping time for eating balance live a balanced life.

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The next is the Prophet slowly Salaam when his salallahu alayhi wasallam and his daughter Fatima used to come to visit him so after she had grown up, he would get up from his chair. He would go to greeter and he would let her sit in his place. So those who didn't have so far as like we have today they will have like a like a pillow on the floor when people used to sit. But when Rasulullah saw some daughter would come to visit him he would get up and offer her his place.

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What does this tell us about the relationship between parent and child?

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You see the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he treated his children with the level of value. He made them feel respected, he made him feel valued, he made them feel safe if we didn't feel appreciated, right? You know, a woman whose father treats in this way, is not going to go straight. Because she has some confidence because her father treats her so well.

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It's not just in his treatment of his children that we see Rasulullah saw like some

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doing these kinds of respect and value you see, even in his talking about his wife Rasulullah sallallahu. So when you read the thesis about Khadija, the praise he had for her teacher, no, he would not let a single person see a bad word about her. Even if it was another one of his wife later on. He will not tolerate that. Because his wife's name had respect. Some of us speak badly about our own spouses, to our friends. Rasulullah sallallahu Lisa will not even let someone say something bad about his wife 10 years after she died.

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There was the level of respect and value and love that he had for his spouse.

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Again, this is something we need to revive that we as a community, how do we treat our wives and children today feel valued, they feel appreciated, they feel confident, they feel like, we appreciate the role they play in our life.

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And in many ways, you can show this, you can show this sometimes with us with affection, hugging them, you know, can show you the appreciation tank engine, you can show it through a word of encouragement your child didn't do too well in a test. Tell him you tried your best? No, maybe if you work harder to get the next time you can do better. Not shouting and throw the paper at his face and call him an idiot. That's what this is not our religion.

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What's more important, your child's in mind are all agreed on a piece of paper. Think about what's more, what's more important your relationship with your child, or whether he got all A's in school. We need to think about these things do we become too hard hearted which is completely completely against the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam we're running out of time, I still got two more pieces to go through and just gonna go through them very, very quickly. Abdullah Ibn Abbas was the Prophet sallallahu he sounds crazy, but he was much younger than him. So he was more like the relationship was more like an uncle and nephew because put it this way for the longest time was

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in his 50s Abdullah was nice was it was a teenager or child. So you know, they had a relationship with Abdullah Ibn Abbas hooked up to the mouse and he was like a parent cookie cutter. So once Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam he and I was riding on a camel together, and he told him a very beautiful haggis. I did an entire Juma lecture on this Heidi's before so I won't go into details about it. But he basically told him that I'm going to teach you some words, don't you remember that be mindful of Allah and Allah will be there for you. Worship online, the good times allow God for you in the difficult times. And he gave him a lot of valuable advice. And the one of the reasons

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Abdullah, even Abbas, remember this advice is that the proper still allow you to sell him. He This is what we call in modern terms, creating teachable moments. Where in your relationship with your family, and you find the opportunity to teach him something, you take advantage of it. Right, something happens. So for example, maybe two of your kids had a fight over something, you can do it. You can deal with a fight by being harsh and violent. Or you can deal with a fight by sitting them down and teaching them how to resolve conflict, make it a teachable moment, conflict resolution, right? Get at the moment. One of your kids were late for school or late with an assignment, you can

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shout him for that not very productive, or you can make it a teachable moment just to teach them time management.

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Right. So Rasulullah sallallahu, his relationship with young people, he would create these teachable moments he would make these these points where he would teach him something that they would remember for the rest of their lives. And He will teach it in the nicest and generous way possible.

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We need to create these moments with our children. So that even in 20 3040 years time distorted a bit and so practice it in this portfolio. But I've only come from a place of love The only going to remember it if it comes from a place of love.

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The final Hadees that I wanted to mention

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is again, not by a child of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam but a child that lived with a sort of loss of volume. So this was a child who lived with him and experienced life in his household under Steven Malick and this even Malik when he was 10 years old. His mother sent him to live with the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and serve Him so that He can you know benefit from having a close relationship with the practice of law he was alone. And and this is true narrations from him that are important to the first one he says that never in my life to the purpose of ever shout me or say a bad word to me. And he was 10 years old when you went to live with the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And some of you may see, but yeah, he was honestly but Maliki probably didn't do anything wrong. Right? Well, that takes us to the second Hadees. Once the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he gave us some money. And he told him to go out to the house and do some traveling to go

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buy something from the marketplace for the money. I saw he gave this 11 year olds a chore to do. And and this leaves the house on his way to the marketplace. You see some children playing, he forgets why he left the house and he starts playing with the children. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is waiting for him waiting for him wondering when what am I going to come back to decides to go out and look for a season playing with his children. So under seize the property, and immediately remembers why he left the house and he gets scared. So the purpose locks on simply laughs and asked him for the money. So he can continue playing with the children and the Prophet's life and can go by

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himself. And he searches his pockets and realizes we lost the money. So the purpose was I'm simply laughs about it and let him go play the children and get some other money to go buy, to go buy the groceries or whatever it was they were supposed to buy. The point from this hedis is that your spouse, your children,

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the people around you are human beings. They have mistakes and faults just like you. Some of us blow our spouse and children's faults out of proportion, while ignoring our own. And the only way to live with anybody in this world is to learn to overlook the small things, people are going to make mistake people are going to forget, people are going to say things they don't mean, you know, people are going to

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lose things, people are going to make mistakes all the time. This is just life. This is normal. You haven't married an angel, you know, sometimes people come to you and they want divorce over the silliest of reasons. You know, but things which are just a part of life, which you're going to experience in your manuscript anybody. And sometimes people break relationships with their children over the smallest of mistakes.

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So the sooner is to be more easy. COVID the biggest sins? Yes, you talk about you teach them to buy etc. Mistake five, we teach them how to get back to Allah, you don't disown them, you don't break ties with them. You show them the way back to Allah, the smallest stuff, let it go. Let it go. The humans are going to make mistakes. Your children especially are going to make mistakes because they are so growing up. They don't know what you know, they don't have your life experience. So how can you expect him to do things perfectly. So learn to let things go?

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To summarize, today's presentation was about the Hades, the best of you are those who are best to their families. And the purpose of some said about himself and the best of you to my family. So we look at how he treated his family, we learned that the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam was very affectionate to his family members who would have dealt with him, he would say that he loved them. We know that he gave me quality time for them hips, he had fun with them, he played with him. He valued and respected them. He wouldn't let people talk bad about him even after they had passed away many years later. We know that he created teachable moments in his life and his relationship

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with them. Because we are supposed to be teaching each other all the time, especially in the family. And finally we know that he overlooked the small mistakes and the human flaws because everybody had makes mistakes. And if we can apply these principles to our lives, if we can revive these signals in our homes, then we can divide the tsunami of having a happy home. We can divide the stigma of having smiling spouses and children waiting for us at home when we get back home. Not people running too high. Because the scary father was caring mother is coming home. Don't be that kind of person. Follow the law. Be the kind of spouse or the kind of parent that your spouse and children are happy

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to see. And they want to be with you. And they're not waiting for you to die. Like me, Allah protect us, all from tyranny from from becoming the worst versions of ourselves for mistreating others may Allah soften our hearts makes us make us righteous because good people make us from those who follow the sunan every aspect of our lives may be May Allah Subhana Allah protect the oma from harm. We know that the Greek tragedy occurred today in New Zealand, Allah protect us from something that ever happening again. bring back our honor and dignity and power to this oma And may Allah accept those who were murdered today during Juma and New Zealand as much as we bring justice to the murderer, and

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to anyone who motivated him to commerce such an atrocity and prevent this from ever happening again after the $100 bill alaminos salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato