Channel: Hussain Kamani
Series: Hussain Kamani - Islamic Manners
Rahim Allah hamdulillah
Hamdu lillahi Wa Kafa also diverticula Safa.
Susana Allah said he did a study of a cotton mill Ambia la early Hill Ischia was hubiera Thea ameba.
We are reading the book of shahada, Fatah, Abu Dhabi, Allah Tada Islamic manners. And today we continue from page 56 with the chapter titled rights of the guest and duties of the host
was salam ala Rasulillah Salam right in Florida
rights of the guests and duties.
If you are having a guest overnight, be hospitable and generous. This does not mean that you shouldn't exaggerate when providing food and drink to your guests. Moderation without access is the center. You should try your best to make your guests stay pleasant and comfortable during their state of being awake or asleep. Inform your guests of the direction and show them the way to the bathroom and place for books. When you offer your guests a towel after a shower, we'll do our washing hands after meals. Make sure that the towels are not offered towels to you or your family members have used. It is also a good idea to offer guests some perfume and a mirror. Make sure the
toiletries and bathroom accessories that they will be using are clean and sanitized. Before leave it before leading your guests to the bathroom. Inspect it and remove anything you don't want your guests to see. Your guests may need some rest and a quiet sleep. spare them the noise of the children and the noise of the house as much as possible. Remove phenol clothing and belongings from their view. This is a desirable practice that will leave you both feeling comfortable when meeting when meeting your guests. Serve them with pack and spec dressed properly and look your best and do not overdo it. A close relationship between you is no excuse for negligence. In your manners are
those number five, Allah Allah and other women reported that our forefathers is to dress appropriately when visiting one another. If you visit a relative or a friend, you should be considerate of your growth circumstances and work commitments, shorthand as much as possible the duration of your stay by since every person has various duties, obligations and responsibilities, some of which may not be known to be considerate of your hosts and help them with their duties to house chores and obligation. While your hosts house do not inspect and examine every corner, especially when you are invited beyond the guest room, lest you see something that you are not
supposed to notice. In addition, do not bother your hosts.
So here the author Rahimullah who Tada begins to educate us about the
proper etiquette of being a host and how to be a guest.
So he starts off by saying that when you have guests, there are some guests that will visit you for maybe a meal or get together for a short meeting. But then there are other guests who will come by and they will possibly spend the night at your place. Now the responsibilities of the host increase and the considerations for the guests also increase.
As a host you should make an effort to provide something beyond just the norm. Something a little extra for your guest while they're visiting you. Whether it's in food, food or cleaning the room presentation, maybe offer a few gifts.
This going out of your way to provide for someone that's visiting you. They commonly referred to this as the kind of which is almost going a little above a little above and beyond when taking care of some.
Now when it comes to the kind of fat
There are some people that go. So above and beyond that it's almost unsustainable and becomes artificial.
Where it becomes so difficult to be a host. And it's uncomfortable to also be a guest.
What normally a person would do for their home, just do a little extra. So for example, in my house, if when we sit to eat, we just have rice, and maybe some curry with it, when a guest comes over, maybe you might add one more dish to that, maybe you might add a little bread, maybe add a little dessert, maybe add an extra special drink or to something that you wouldn't have on the day to day.
The problem that we have in our community is that posting has become unfortunately, a competition, that people are competing with one another to see what kind of venues they can have and what kind of pizzazz they can have, what kind of memories people can establish, and how amazing the food will be. It's difficult to go to someone's home these days, when you're invited, and not be presented with five or six different types of food.
Now for those people who can afford that, and who that is very easy to do 100 Love, and that's what you should. But for most people, that's not the norm.
We saw this, when we would visit our teachers or sometimes if somebody would come to visit our parents or even the elders of the community, they would say, Come and join us for food. And we would say no, no, there's no need to go above and beyond. And they would say that, no, we're gonna serve you what we have at home. And we'll give a little extra, we'll do some desserts as well. How about that?
You wouldn't feel like you were a burden on that family. And because the cost of hosting was so little, that people that were hosting now have the ability to increase how many people they have their homes, this whole very expensive buy in to be a host, it minimizes how many people you can have over. And by proxy. Unfortunately, it also limits and restricts the type of people who you invite, because the NIA gets a little, you know, tampered with. If you're thinking that I'm going to invite someone and put so much money into this dinner, I hope that they're going to invite me to and put equal effort into the night when we come and visit them. As for when a person minimizes those
the kind of fat when they cut down on the unnecessary, extravagant
hosting standards. Now anyone can come. If someone comes over to our home, I have no problem hosting them. Because what I'm going to offer them is what I'm going to have for my family, I probably won't go to above and beyond, it'll be a very humble meal. We hope that the person who's joining us on that meal can appreciate it and be happy and not walk out and do Liba. So therefore you have to have an understanding on both sides. The host should be mindful of going above and beyond. This is the whole problem with society when it comes to parties and big gatherings. That the cost of hosting people is ridiculous. You ask people how much it costs to host one meal for a wedding. And they'll
tell you, it's in the 10s of 1000s of dollars. How much does it cost to host a weekend party at your home, it's hundreds of dollars, if not in the 1000s of dollars. These days, you go to homes and they have a whole catering service there with waiters walking around the home serving food and they'll have a valet service outside. And again for people who can't afford that 100 Illa. But the kind of is good in some contexts, but in another context, it isn't shackled to the photographer data and Allah Allah summarizes issue in one statement
that I think is so profound, that it can actually serve as a principle of life.
Not only does it apply to hosting people or being a guest, this is going to apply to everything in life. If you're trying to figure out what the Sunnah is to something, listen to these, you know, five or six words he says moderation without access is the sun.
That was a statement moderation without access is this
that's assume that everything that was that soon the temperament of a suitor Lhasa, Allah is that everything be done with God Tada with also with moderation. The middle ground.
Under doing it is being disrespectful to your guests.
overdoing it becomes burdensome on you and the family. Another issue is that many times
the host may invite someone and decide to go all above and beyond without taking the family's sort of opinion into consideration.
So a guy may go and he may invite 20 guys over for dinner without taking into consideration what the plans are for the rest of the family. Whether the wife whether the parents whether the siblings are able to even host that many people
Whether they're ready for that, right, it's a family effort. Everyone needs to have buy in, everyone needs to be involved. And that's where the bulk of our comes.
Now, he says that while your guest is over, try to make your guests stay pleasant and comfortable while they're awake. And while they're sleeping. One easy way to do this is if you know that someone's coming over, maybe ask them beforehand, do you have any dietary restrictions
in the world that we live in? Every third person you meet is on some form of a diet, which is good, I'm happy for people, that's awesome.
The hosts should try their best to take it into consideration if they can't accommodate to the diet, if it's some really sophisticated, whole food diet that you're eating. And in that case, the host should just be honest, that this is the food I'll provide. Hopefully, you can enjoy it. But that's our limitation, we can't provide you with some tomahawk steak that's going to cost $150 per steak. That's not something we can do. Be honest, yet try your best to accommodate the guests as much as possible. Maybe before they start their journey, you can ask them by the time you arrive, would you like to rest first? Would you like to eat first? Would you be interested in meeting other people
when you arrive? Would you like to go out somewhere? Do you want to hold off on going anywhere for a day or two just so you can catch up on your rest and then we can go out? In your mind, you should think that your job is to make the guests experience easy comfortable while they're with you don't impose a schedule on them that they haven't approved, or they haven't agreed to. Because you may end up exhausting them and burning them out and tiring them more than they may be able to handle.
You know simple things like when we when you arrive, would you prefer to place the law in your room, that person may be able to soften, they may be a traveler. And it may be more convenient for them to displace a lot in their bedroom. I'll be going for fighters a lot. If you prefer to stay in your room, we can make accommodations for that. If you wish to join us for the masjid while they're going together.
Having that communication with the between the host and the guests goes a long way.
When you give your guests their room, try to provide for them everything they'll need, without them having to reach out to you again and again. Because keep in mind as a guest
it may be difficult to message the host every five minutes, oh, I need this. Oh, I need that because then they may think they're being inconvenient. But there may be something that they need that is absolutely necessary that you forgot to provide. An example of this would be maybe telling them which direction the Himalayas, if you have guests visiting in the world that we live in, I believe every guestroom should have a variety of chargers, you know, just buy a few chargers and put them there because it's lifeline, right? It's what people need. providing people with the Wi Fi password. Because people need to use the internet is the part of communication, give that to them. They may
need a towel or not the towel to them. Right? They may need access to the bathroom.
In most American homes.
Okay, I'm not sure most but it's common for one hallway to be multiple doors. Some doors may belong to bedrooms, some may belong to pantries, others may belong to linen closets, some may belong to a bathroom to avoid the guests from getting confused. A very easy practice is just to maybe put a little sign on the door handle. So they don't accidentally walk into the wrong room and feel ashamed labor. They can feel comfortable and know that this handle here says bathroom, I know which one to go on or just maybe put a little thumb tack on there something with a sign that says this is the bathroom, the person knows that I'm not entering into the wrong room. And they don't find themselves
in a place where they're embarrassed. So, these are things that you should take into consideration when you are providing for your guests.
Now regarding toiletries, he points out that make sure anything they may need is provided if there is a female guests provide sanitary and toiletries that are sanitary tools and toiletries that are necessary, inappropriate there and if there are male guests visiting them provide that which is appropriate.
Otherwise, what sometimes happens is that someone may go to the bathroom and they may need something and they may not also feel comfortable talking about it or asking so they might go around searching on their own which is wrong thing for them to do. But an easy way to avoid that is to have some of these things available for them. I think it's a really nice gesture. When people leave like a a toothbrush, their brand new toothbrush. It's a nice gesture. These things they don't cost much but it really makes that person feel welcome that oh, there's a nice toothbrush here. There's a nice toothpaste here that guests have been kind. Maybe they love to snack in the room. Sometimes when
you're a guest you might
Eat with the host, but out of shame, you might need a little less, or maybe the food wasn't to your liking. So then having some snacks in the room also saves you from having to request food during the night if you feel a little hungry, or otherwise.
he also talks about dressing appropriately when you're with your guests, I think this is something we've talked about multiple times. So I won't spend any time on that. And then Sheldon photograher Daramola, tada also speaks of certain added for the guests that when you're visiting someone, don't spend too much time there. Make sure they are okay with how much time you're planning to visit. So if I'm going to visit someone, I'll tell them that I was planning to come by I might hang out for an hour, or I might leave in an hour. Kind of putting both options on the table. You tell me what's what works best for you guys, if you guys need to go somewhere in an hour, I can head out if you
want me to be there for half an hour after that I can head out
giving them options so they can choose and let you know that this would be most appropriate for us. I was planning to come by, I might stay one night in the hotel maybe one night with you guys. Or if you want I could spend both night with you guys. But do you prefer that person has an option, so they don't feel guilty? Or someone may accuse them or look at them in a demeaning way that they were cheap or they weren't hospitable? When hosting them. Be considerate like this. This is what Islam is that you don't make other people feel awkward, you would take the lead and provide
an opportunity for them to choose what's best for them.
Check out the FATA Bo Daramola dollar brings up the issue of don't expect inspect homes. Again, this is something we've discussed. So I won't revisit this. The last part he says, which I think is also very beautiful, that when you're visiting someone Don't ask too many questions.
Or if I may say, don't have too many requirements.
Now, if you're one of those people that's on one of those whole food diets, and you're going to visit someone, you need to be mindful and think how difficult will it be for my host to provide me for this meal, provide this meal for me? If this meal is that important that it can have a serious health impact on me and pack your own food and bring it
Do you guys understand this and not to know that I'm just going to bring some food on the side, just because I have some dietary restrictions, inshallah they'll Excel.
And if it's not something that important, and you know that by telling them they need to have this much protein and they need to have this kind of, you know, macchiato coffee, and I need to have this type of tea and I need, you know, a special warm towel to put on my face after I'm eating.
I don't know, what kind of request people have. If you're gonna say all this stuff to them, then you have to ask yourself, Is that fair to them? Now you put all of that on them? Would you appreciate it? If someone did all of this, there was a particular community I visited.
the brothers from the community picked me up from the airport. And they asked me is there anything you need? And I said, well, not really much. I can go to the hotel, I'll just get some rest. And I'll see you guys
for so long.
So then the brother while driving, he said to me that recently we had a particular shift visiting us and the brother who was communicating with us on behalf of the shift to set up the trip.
Four days before the shift arrived in our community, he sent us a long shopping list of different items or shifts needs when he's visiting a community. There was a list for 24 hour visit a separate list for a 48 hour visit and a separate one for 72 hour visit.
And it had a very specific list of items with stores that it should be purchased from everything has to be organic, obviously
sign up and get it
and then you know for the shift that for the bathroom these slippers and then this and that and all this stuff and a lotta waterpark. When I saw this, I thought to myself,
I probably get it that maybe this person must be very delicate. That might be a thing. I don't get it, to be honest. But from the upbringing that we have, and the lessons that we've learned, you don't burden people like this.
You go to a place you make it work, right? If they're if they didn't buy a special pot for you from Walmart, that's fancy schmancy to wash yourself with. You pick up one of those plastic coffee cups like everyone else does as visiting a hotel or you empty a bottle and you use it. There's no need for that to be on a list. You want some fancy schmancy snacks when you're visiting a community what do you do guys?
Find them. It's simple. It's your snack. Right and you get an Uber you go to that store and you buy your stuff and you come back and then you do it. Like that's not right. You shouldn't have
expectations and demand
like this. I know this is common again, because people that have a lot of dietary restrictions, if it's something really, that's going to impact your health, be honest. But also give them an option of knowing that you can take care of yourself that I'm just coming to spend time with you, I'll bring a little bag of my own snacks. And don't worry about it. I always have to do this anyway, because my health is very delicate. And I don't want people mixing things up, you can kind of make something out, you know, and then just come and have your meal.
But if it's one of those things, where it's a luxury thing that you're just trying to cut some pounds off and you know, doing your whole diet is going to be difficult for your host, then my honest advice is don't burn.
Maybe do a little extra cardio that day. But don't make it difficult on your house. Well, Oliver saw
it is the right of your Muslim brother that you visited him during the time.
This will enhance and nourish the bond of the staff and brotherhood between the rewards for this are so great that they cannot be overlooked. One wishes to increase it for so long.
What a Muslim visits his sick brother, you will remain in the forefront of paradise until he returns a small loss on the love it asks What is the paradise here pied the harvest of paradise, personal loss a loved
one who goes walking to visitation continues to sink in the Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala when he says you will be totally immersed in medicine. This is some great virtue for nurses and doctors, by the way, a lot. Give them a high MACOM take care of the sick and ill and they do it every day in and out. It's not easy. It's a difficult job. As a patient sometimes you see the way nurses are treated anything for yourself, how do they do it with their patient?
Again, not that there are certain attitudes which will make your visit to an ill person, a refreshing and morale boosting. By abiding by this advocates, you will assist in easing these pains. And you will also make them more conscious that there are words that you'll gain in return for being Asian genius. When someone is sick, try to make a point to visit.
If you can't visit them, then at least send them a message, send them an email, send them a voice note a Video Note.
By reaching out to people when they're sick. There are a wide there are a few benefits. Number one, it lets that person know that they aren't alone.
And having someone remember you having someone think of you goes a long way. You remember the people who come to visit you in a hospital you remember the people who come to visit you when you're sick. Someone who comes to drop off food you remember them that and it also brings you happiness. Enjoy that and humble now Allah subhanho wa Taala put my love in someone else's heart to the point that they remembered me.
The second thing is, if you visit them properly, while maintaining the right etiquette.
Not only will they get confidence from this,
sorry, yeah, not only will they feel happy that you remember them, but it'll actually give that give them the confidence they need to get through the hills.
Getting through illness requires strength.
And if the person who comes you know is warm, and they're welcoming, and they're considerate, it'll give them the booster they need.
the reward that you get is so great. Sort of Lhasa low and he was sent him so many nations regarding the auditor Murray, scholars of Hadith have dedicated chapters to this, on the virtues of visiting, not one narration so many were sort of lost a lot of time tells us that as long as a person is visiting his brother, he remains in the Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala every step with every stride, you remain in the Mercy of Allah subhana person sins are forgiven while they're going to visit a sick person. Similarly, when you go and make dua for them, it gives them another source of strength. Not only your words, which we talked about a few moments ago, you might say to them, you're strong,
I can do this. I know you That's one. So that's one aspect of, you know, giving them strength. The other aspect is you tell them that in this moment, that difficulty you're going through Allah Subhana Allah is rewarding.
You mentioned some virtues of some of them read a few if them again, this is this part of the discussion shoulder photography is just starting it so he's going to bring a lot as we move on.
As they sit there in that illness and feel the pain.
Then reflecting over those virtues will really help out how many
Have you have experienced that before that you were sick? And then you were just thinking about the virtues and the reward for summer? And they got you through that illness? Anyone here? Can someone relate to that? A lot of you guys do. You think about it, though, um, the luck, even in this moment, my Lord is rewarding.
Yes, go ahead
of the visit, make sure make your visit three sick persons may not be able to withstand such long visits, the length of the visit should not be longer than the duration, you know, since between the two.
Very brief. Okay. Um, you can decide, you can choose how long you need it. If you know the sick person would appreciate you hanging around for 1520 minutes.
If the sick person
is in a lot of pain and agony, maybe they're in and out between alertness and being unconscious, then maybe make a two minute visit 32nd visit? Let them know that you'll come back. That's another consideration, right? How long after the injury or how long have they become sick? Are you going to visit? Are they in recovery? Are they you know, are they still injured? What's going on? So take this into consideration.
It is said that the etiquette of visiting a patient is that you utter your greeting and immediately thereafter you bid farewell. A poet says the best visit is every third day and then to remain seated for the blink of an eye with many questions do not bother the patient. A question as brief as two or three words are sufficient. That is by asking him how are you now Allah subhanaw taala security I think the end of his book of manifest as Kathy Imam acknowledges, Rahim Allah. Allah says, when visiting a healthy or sick person, one should sit where one is told, hosts know better how to ensure privacy in their home. Visiting an old person is in emphasize
the best visit is the shortest. The visitor should not sit for too long, unless they are close friends and the no person enjoys.
Other matters of visiting this
one visiting the set up to where clean for them with good sense in order to make the patient feel better, both spiritually and physically. Good odor, keep this in mind. Be mindful of putting on any smell That's too short.
When people are sick, they can easily be irritated. So put on something light.
At the same time, it is improper to wear such fancy clothes that are more appropriate for occasions of happiness. That's another that would be a buzzkill. If you show up in a wedding clothes or like you're dressed up super nice and this person's wearing one of those hospital gowns.
Right? It's gonna make them feel so little. Be mindful. Yes, one should avoid wearing strong smelling perfume, which may inconvenience isn't it visitors should avoid causing distress to sick by conveying bad news, such as a failing business a death or similar or similar bad. I can imagine someone doing that by the way.
Hey, your business is going really bad these days, which has got a little fever, he's gonna go into a coma.
If you give bad news like that, you have to like slowly one piece at a time. One piece at one piece at a time. When Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in his final illness.
Not too long before that he had sent off an army to the direction of Rome, and at the head of it was Osama bin Zayed Rhodiola
there was some disputes so they said let's take the matter back to the sort of loss of a lot Islam and we'll handle the issue there. When they came back to Madina, Munawwara they were on the way they came back. They came back to Madina Munawwara
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
so they didn't take the case.
They didn't take the test. They just realized maybe saw some isn't well, let him recover first. However, so the loss that Allahu alayhi wa sallam didn't recover, he passed away. When, when Abu Bakar Sidious Rhodiola hornbeam Khalifa, the first affair he dealt with was the JHF was out of NZ. He call all the people and he said what happened? They said that the sort of Lhasa Allamani was sent him sent us to Shang and he appointed Solomon's aid. Now the Allah and as the immediate as the leader, and he's only 16 years old, 17 years old, and we have these senior Sahaba among them among the group and we're heading towards the Romans when they see that we are headed by a 16 year old
laugh at us, we need more senior companion. So that Abu Bakr, Siddiq Rhodiola on set, I will never ever, ever, ever overturn
a command of a pseudo Muslim.
The Prophet of Allah appointed Osama bin Zayed, you can live or die, he will be your God. Because every decision of the visa allowed his son was supported through revelation. I can't say that
my decisions are not supported the revelation. But no reason Lawson said we'll be fine. He sent them.
The point being that the Sahaba were intelligent, smart, not dropped bad news on a sort of loss.
There was a
Pretty sad story that happened during CES last year during this COVID year.
His family they called me
I don't remember the exact scenario from the top of my head. But something to the lines of that there was a couple that were very old and they were very loving to one another.
And unfortunately, they both do the COVID were hospitalized.
I believe it was the mother that passed away.
But no one had the courage to tell the father who was also hospitalized, struggling with his life because they worried that if they told him he would die.
So the children called me and they said that, can we go ahead and bury our mother without telling our father because we're really worried that it's going to impact us out? Here's
a sad situation. Diana,
Allah subhanho wa Taala give parents a long life, but that thought of theirs is very wise. Right? That thought of theirs also tells you how much love they have for their parents and what kind of other those parents taught their children.
So don't talk about a failing business death or similar bad news. Go ahead.
This will not benefit them in any way unless the visitor is a specialist physician. Similarly, visitors should not recommend to a patient any food or medicine. Okay, one more one I get from that also visitors.
Also because there should not inquire about the details of the illness for the purpose of your conversation. That's also a really weird thing to do. You go to visit a sick person. So what's going on? Diabetes, heart diabetes?
Yeah, tell me about diabetes.
Sometimes you go to like, DC parties, they see evening gatherings in the Indo Pak community. Unfortunately, way too many people have diabetes. So when two diabetic uncles meet each other, they start prescribing cures to another. I heard that there is a powder somewhere in some village that if you mix it in the water and drink it from a copper bowl at 6am. It'll solve your problems. And the other ones like Yeah, but you have to have that. That Vicks Vapor Rub in your nose while you're drinking it. They'll have some really edgy things. And it's funny because sometimes there'll be a physician there, and he'll be doing this.
I remember once there was an uncle, he was telling another uncle.
I found the best cure of diabetes to be honey.
In the physician sitting there thinking,
No, you're not supposed to be doing honey. Right? And this guy's talking about how many spoons a day this guy's supposed to be drinking.
Supposed to be having honey. As they say name Hakeem. Katraj. John,
half a doctor and your life isn't
Yes, go ahead.
So not in any way unless a visitor specialist physician, that's another story if the person visiting is a physician, and he may ask, so tell me what's going on? How's it going? How are you feeling? Because this person is a physician. He actually is qualified to speak she's actually qualified to speak they have a place to speak from random people should not be given random advice. Check what's going on back's hurting. You know what, let me do something to your back. I'll fix it for there, but a hammer.
You seen those videos on YouTube where they're taking hammers and they're hitting people,
but haven't seen those videos, but they're taking hammers, they're hitting people to cure their back.
As someone who had back pain when I see those videos, I can feel the pain jolting through my spine.
Visitors should not recommend to a patient any food or medicine that might have helped them or someone else, obviously.
But you shouldn't go around telling other people that you know when you're sick, you eat this and eat this and eat that your advice to them should be May Allah give you summer. You're in our laws. If you need anything, let us know. And if you have anything that you need to talk about, you know, reach out to your doctor, talk to your physician, you know, shout out later on. He actually took
talks about this.
Even if you're a physician, even if you're a physician visiting a sick person, and you're not their primary doctor, you shouldn't even question the doctor, or the procedure of the doctor or the prescription of the doctor in front of the patient, because it'll break the patient's confidence in the doctor. He says, If you must have that conversation, then go outside and do it. Talk to them privately.
Yes, go ahead.
Such recommendations might lead the ill person out of ignorance or desperation to try and causing further complications. Or even better if you guys were following the news in the earlier days COVID people were drinking bleach
you guys know this.
They were actually drinking bleach in some way of shaytaan must have told him that if you drink bleach, it's going to go inside and kill all the COVID
I think there was a mass flood of misinformation regarding medicine.
There was a resident physician that was prescribing people that you know, go get steam that'll help you someone's saying, you know, lie down on the bed of onions that'll help you someone saying garlic under your armpits, that's going to help you someone's saying that, you know, drink bleach that's going to help you then they're talking about different types of medicine and I'm not a physician regarding the medicine so I can't speak, right.
Someone is saying have Malaria pills, they're gonna help you everyone's prescribing something. Go ahead and have this have this happen. And unfortunately, many people died from this.
Yes. Not criticized for object to the treatment by the physician in the presence of the ill person or it might cast doubt in the mind.
What that will conclude here. We pray that Allah subhanaw taala grant so I'm gonna learn what some of the local Donna
said I want My