Islamic Masculinity

Hamza Tzortzis


Channel: Hamza Tzortzis

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Episode Notes

(Rijl) A Conversation on Manliness & Exploring 4 Relevant Qur’nic Verses

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because when you have two things and one thing is more beautiful, you're going to go towards what is more beautiful so we don't have to talk about these ridiculous, vacuous, meaningless, dunya orientated, egocentric, egotistical folk, it's obvious anyone with any social awareness that these two have internal pathologies, and no one with a decent sense of godliness is going to take them seriously anyway. And if they do, we're going to present the beauty of Islam. So and once you show the beauty of Islam, people gonna be attracted to it.

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So Allah mentions the quality of men.

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No trade, no commerce, no worldly gain, divert some from what, from the remembrance of Allah, us as a collective, we don't focus on the very essential internal elements of what it means to be a man, or even a Muslim, which includes battling one's ego. They speak volumes to what it means to be a man and they actually start with or they include the word mineral, regional, or, or regional. Yes, men are, the highlight is men. And I want to worship Him in the best way possible, which includes internal and external manifestations of worship, which would include in this context, asking a key question, what does Allah want from me in this context, what is more pleasing to Allah in this

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context, wala who Hibbeler Mata Hari, because in it, are men who love to be purified? And God loves those who are purified?

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Anytime men who want love to be purified, not just purification for wudu and then entering into the formal canonical prayer? Absolutely, that is purification, but purify in their hearts of everything other than Allah, and displeasing Allah, and the ego gets in the better of it, and the whims and desires overcoming it, such that we end up doing haram that is the mark of a man. And it's not me that saying it is the book of Allah. This is quite moving. It's as if you've heard this before.

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That yes, your your financial means and if you have a flashy car, and if you have a really expensive watch, and if you can smoke a cigar and drink the best brandy, you know, you know, 1000 pound bottle of brandy, then you know you people will look at you with worth, maybe they will. But those people who will do that are people that are irrelevant to God. You see that what he's trying to say to us here, the doc happened to be with the pious people and Allah save the people in the cave and save the dog. So he says if Allah will save a dog because it happens to be righteous people, what would Allah do to your life? Allahu Akbar. So the lady her deja has unwittingly been butchered by us

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Muslims in the modern era. And the lady Asha or the law on her, I,

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I contend, has also been butchered by us Muslims unintentionally you know why? Because we have we have

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adopted neoliberal and sometimes postmodern, epistemological and metaphysical assumptions willingly or unwillingly. We've jumped into the epistemological and metaphysical lizard whole thinking is the cave of Hira, original, of course, it's going to have the word reject original ko muna Allah, Allah.

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Allah, Allah who don't allow God didn't love the man for coming. And while him, men, co Moon over women, men are our protectors of women by virtue of what strength Allah has given the one over the other, and because of what they spend on their wealth, to maintain that, yes. And I just want to make it very clear that if you find this problematic, or it's not in line with the liberal or postmodern sensitivities, then you have the problem that us and you know, this whole idea of that Islam has to now align itself with these liberal secular postmodern tendencies, is a false narrative.

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sulamani critical to liberate a character or a concern,

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or idea from the Josie Institute, forthcoming book called Muslim ness and modernity, Allah bless you, Allah bless you. So

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all of you for the sake of Allah, and my enough's loves you as well. Okay, so you have doubled up from me may have a special place in my heart. She was actually here for coming out of last week of May here who's for who say you love me love your salmon? I mean, so we had a call, I think a few weeks ago, I'm not going to go into the nature of that call. But it was with regards to a potential problem that's existing in the social space, especially online space concerning

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And this is who I am, I tried to be like, this was like, let's be this be the solution. So that's where we

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Today, right in sha So, we may agree with many things you may disagree, but we're gonna have an authentic conversation. And what authenticity means, as you know, is we don't have any undeclared negative intentions, right? So if we say there is a masculinity crisis, well, what is masculinity absolute, especially from the Islamic paradigm. Let's try to be as objective as possible, but there's going to be some level of subjectivity there. But hopefully, we can sort the wheat from the chaff or the audience can sort the wheat from the chaff.

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If we're going to look at masculinity, the first question to ask is has revelation itself spoken about gender issues? And in particular, in particular masculinity or femininity for that matter? And the answer is, it has

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we as a, as a religious tradition, that goes back to a Scripture, we believe, and we celebrate, in fact, a gendered world, a gendered Cosmos, we believe ALLAH has, in his divine wisdom, created things quite often in pairs of male and female, while ASA that could occur unfair, the Quran says, and the man is not like the woman, okay, which is telling us that there is, there are men, there are women, that are males or females, or there is masculinity, there's femininity. And I know that will that kind of goes against the liberal orthodoxies of our times? Who can which yet but that's not that's really not our concern. It's not really our business, whether they're going to be pleased

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with it or not. But for us, yeah. We we know that actually, a last one a time has spoken, spoken of an engendered world or universe, which is, by the way, in line with cognitive science, psycho psychological studies, there are key differences when, and just by just by basic biology. Absolutely. When I did individual differences in a module as a module, when I did psychology years ago at university, this is before I started my philosophy, academic journey. We had a module called individual differences, which actually highlighted the individual differences concerning what it means to be a male and a female. Absolutely, absolutely. And

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social engineering and social construction are always is a challenge, especially for governmental policy. I mean, for example, our government for quite a while now have been trying to up the quotas of females going into it. And they're finding, you know, we're offering them all of these advantages and perks. But we seem not we don't seem to be getting women in it, if

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it seems to be dominated by men. Perhaps they should be thinking why rather than just trying to reconstruct the social order, but hey, yeah, so you're saying? So you're saying that Allah has created a gender? Yeah. And it's something we should celebrate? Yes, we celebrate that the fact that there is femininity, we celebrate the fact that there is masculinity, we now have to ask the question, what is masculinity? What does it mean to be a man? I mean, it can be said in a number of ways, what does it mean to be a man? But what does it mean to be a man in Islam?

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Has Allah said anything in the Quran? That might help us to understand, since now he has created men and women? Is there a kind of blueprint, we might say that Allah expects men to have certain qualities and women to have certain qualities distinct from each other and also shared qualities, but it's just the human family? Has Allah mentioned anything like that? Well, he has.

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In the Quran itself, there are verses and I won't we won't go. I don't want to go into many verses, but I will I want to pick on four verses. Okay.

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That I believe,

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I mean, they speak volumes to what it means to be a man and they actually start with or they include the word mineral, regional, or, or regional. Yes, men are, the highlight is men, mostly men. So Allah subhanaw taala says, and let's let's go through some of these verses and kind of explore them together. So in sort of Azov, the 33rd chapter, verse 23, Allah subhanaw taala says, middle movement in a region, so this word Rajala, regional, mineral, Momineen region, so Sudoku, ma huddle Allah, Allah,

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and from of the believers are men who fulfill what they promised Allah, it can be read in the past as well who fulfilled what they promised Allah. So of the believers are regional men. And what are their description? The promise that they made with Allah of la ilaha illa Allah, and all that La Ilaha illa Allah necessitates at least the obligatory

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level Yes,

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they are those who fulfilled it when they have fall short in any action Toba repentance, sincere contrition is part of their is part of their way as well which is part of the Ahad, the promise of that we make with Allah, that era life we fall short, we will turn back to you and repentance and you are forgiven. So this description, one of a number tells us Muslim men are what? Those who fulfill their promises with God. Yes.

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So mostly man, just from this verse so far, is judged on the criteria that the more that he fulfills His promise that he's made with God that Oh god, I will be your servant, your worshiper, I will recognize you as my Lord and my divine, the God that I worship God that I worship, and I worship none but you.

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inwardly and outwardly, the more a man fulfills that the more a man is from the radar in the Quran, and conversely, the less he fulfills it, then he may be outwardly a man, but inwardly he's not original. He's not the man perfect. So. So in essence, this is the affirmation of Allah's oneness, the fact that he's worthy of worship, we should love him the most, we should obey Him, we should know him, we should single out and direct all acts of worship to Allah alone, the internal acts of worship, and the external acts of worship and the internal also includes love and so on and so forth. And it will also include therefore, that you do not take your house or your desires as your

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Lord, right, as Allah says, In the Quran, right? I mean, I mean, you not seen those who take the desires as the Lord. And it also means that your ego is diminished to a certain degree. Because obviously, you cannot, you can't be you can't be totally egoless you can be totally ego free. But you have a lowered, lowered ego and you're humbled before Allah subhanaw taala, which is extremely important, because sometimes we think, you know, a sense of humility is actually not a manly trait. But actually, it's a very manly trait, especially when it comes to the relation between you and Allah subhanaw taala. And it's manly, because we find the Quran and the prophets are awesome,

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speaking about its virtues. We find the Prophet Salah Larsen having that virtue extolling that virtue and making it central to his very being of who he SallAllahu lism was essentially was, so we know that not because you and I feel that it should be a good thing. Because revelation insists that it is absolutely, and that is the key here. Our definitions of manliness can't be what you said, upon a whim, that we decide randomly. Otherwise Subhanallah we're at the stage where society doesn't really want man or woman it you know, it wants to be taken us somewhere else. But no, the Quran is saying that actually here are here is men. And here are some of the qualities in this particular one

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verse is that they are true to their promise with God. And you're seeing here there is the external manifestation of that and the internal man indeed, and I don't want to get into it right now. But it is important to know that when we make a promise with a lot of light in Allah, then as you quite rightly said, it's it's not just about outward acts of worship because Ibadah or worship in Islam has the concept of although up utmost humility to God and muhabba love, love Yes. Okay. without, without love, and humility to God, there is no such thing as worship. Yes. Okay. But this is very important because when we talk about from a practical perspective, and we're engaging with online

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and offline work, if you are true to your promise to Allah subhanho wa taala. Therefore, you will have an Allah centric mindset and an Arca centric mindset. And you would ask the question when you engaging with yourself and other people, what does Allah want for me in this context and situation? What is more pleasing to Allah? How do I worship Allah to the best of my ability in this particular context? The reason I mentioned this is a bit of a hidden agenda is because sometimes the way we interact with each other as believers and even the way we we interact with those who denied the truth, we do it in a way that is more in line with our knifes egocentric or egotistical drives,

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rather than stepping back and saying, Okay, I want to feel my trust my Anna Anna with Allah, and I want to worship Him in the best way possible, which includes internal and external manifestations of worship, which would include in this context, asking a key question, what does Allah want from me in this context? What is more pleasing to Allah in this context? I am so

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surprised that it's seemingly the case that we do not ask the question to our own knifes concerning the way we interact with each other, just step back brothers and sisters and ask, what does Allah want? For me in this particular context? What is more pleasing to Him? And that, for me is a key question that is in line with keeping to another your trust with Allah. Absolutely. I mean,

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my difficulty here is not in concepts, I think the concepts are clear. I'm just a bit restrained in

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I'm trying to avoid generalizing the problem amongst Muslims, for example, my son is, is I think he's about 28 years old. And he, you know, he has friends, many of them are practicing, because he's a student of, of knowledge and studying with his teachers, and whatever. And so he has those kinds of friends. But he also has just other friends as well, well, some anonymous Muslim. And over the years, like, since he was 18, I kind of made a mental note that Marshall, I find, and let's just stick with his Muslim friends, I find that generally, his Muslim friends are not just very polite and civil and respectful.

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But they are Marshall loves. Sometimes when I'm around long enough to just observe them, I find that they have such beautiful makings of young men.

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So I know in my interaction, and this is just a small sliver of it with my son's friends, but there are other young men that come to me or that I interact with

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that we're not talking about that they are they're polite, we're talking about, they seem to want to be want to a desire to be a man in the god pleasing sense of the word. There are other Muslims that I have met. That seems to be exactly what you're saying that for them. That question never comes up. It's just all about me, me, me, me because they conflate masculinity in Islamic central naturalness. Yes, absolutely. Two different things. And there's a cultural paradigm as Yeah, because most egotistical paradigm as well, and we have to include, and we'll discuss this in a few moments. We're not saying that you shouldn't be brave and assertive and strong. Now we'll we'll cover that. But

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bravery is not always reacting to things. Bravery is being very surgical. And we'll discuss what that means later. So that's the first verse I just want to summarize what you're saying. We need to have the internal and external

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manifestations of Tao heed of affirming Allah's oneness, that we love Him, we want to know Him. We are an avid we're servant to Allah. And the more we're in line with that internally and externally, the more of a man we are, right is that correct summary of what you're saying is good. And this verse in context, the verse was actually in context of, of jihad of waging war against enemies of God. And they, the verses before tell us how there are, there are men who sacrifice the ultimate sacrifice, but even before they sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice, they died martyrs. They were living a life of godliness said sacrifice their desires for the pleasure of their Lord. So they're

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already in that high level, but then they gave their ultimate sacrifice, minimum what minima Yallourn said Acoma Had Allah Allah of the believers, men, that's the point. The verse mentions men, and they just described as those who fulfill their promise with Allah, another verse, region, or region tool he him to Jarrah

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to that is Jonathan Willa Bayonne and decree law. Men, okay, who neither? So it starts with in houses where Allah is remembered. That's the verse just before

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wherein there is men, who neither trade nor selling, diverts from the remembrance of Allah.

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So Allah mentions the quality of men.

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No trade, no commerce, no worldly gain, divert some from what from the remembrance of Allah.

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What economy salatu wa eata is occa know from establishing the prayer or giving the Zakat, your heart, your heart, fauna, Yeoman, the collabo fee and Kaluga, Colombo and Uppsala, and they fear a Day in which hearts and sights will be over time. They fear, accountability with God. So here ritual are described men are described with certain qualities. The first thing is, they live in this world, they are part of this world, but they are not distracted

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by the world in their journey to Allah subhanaw taala so they don't have Hubbard dunya they don't have the love of the dunya and if and if they if they do have it

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To some degree, they try not to make it Eclipse their love of Allah subhanaw taala by doing something haram, and then it becomes part of their journey and trying to not have Hubbard's dunya love of this world and just live in the world, which is very different than when we're being told by I mean, this was a non Muslim.

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This was a red pill in Seoul kind of talk that yes, your your financial means. And if you have a flashy car, and if you have a really expensive watch, and if you can smoke a cigar and drink the best brandy, you know, you know, 1000 pound bottle of brandy, then you know, you people will look at you with worth, maybe they will. But those people who will do that are people that are irrelevant to God. Yeah, of course. Irrelevant. This is be very clear, this whole red pill nonsense is just meaningless, vacuous. It's egotistical, it's covered a lot of bases covered, the only need is a green pill. And not just that what it is, is a lot of the stuff that they see is just, it's it's,

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it's a it shows that it's just a veil for internal pathology that they have. Yeah, yeah, they've had some trauma or pathologies. Yeah. I mean, let's not talk about them. Because I don't think that should be taken seriously. Because I'm a true believer that sometimes it's important to provide what God Allah has said, but the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said, and if we articulate in the right way, like you're doing my thoughts about Allah, people will just adopt it. Because when you have two things, and one thing is more beautiful. You're going to go towards what is more beautiful, so we don't have to talk about these ridiculous, vacuous, meaningless, dunya orientated,

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egocentric, egotistical folk, it's obvious anyone with any social awareness that these people have internal pathologies, and no one with a decent sense of godliness is going to take them seriously anyway. And if they do, we're going to present the beauty of Islam. So and once you show the beauty of Islam, people gonna be attracted to it. So carry on. So you're saying no, but that point? Yes, of course, you're right. It's not that it's not that young Muslim. And let's focus on young Muslim men even though this a lot of this can apply to a Muslim women as well, not necessarily yawning can apply to all of us. But let's focus on young Muslim men who seem to be their voices seem to be those

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voices that apparently, we're not hearing enough. And, and I believe there's, there's a truth in that. And there is an anger from some of their voice. And they have some justification of that anger. But perhaps they don't have justification of, you know, being aggressive to others, if they are that.

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and there are a few people who are well known in the dour, I can think of one or two, who, because they're not formal scholars or formal students off scholars and sat down long enough with their dilemma.

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It's more of what do I think Islam is from my own thinking and research. And currently, we're beginning to see the voice of the gospel of prosperity, kind of that old Christian cross Protestant thing that you could never imagine will come into Islam. There are people and I'm sure they're well intended, but misguided, who are saying that actually, richness

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That is part of being a Muslim that a Muslim man isn't expected to be poor and addressing rags. Whilst that latter part is true. Okay, that's not a requirement. It's also not a requirement to be rich with in the material world, it's whatever we that is a kind of rosewood up open another day.

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I just want I want us to bear that in mind. Because our last one was, Allah says in this verse region, lateral, he hinted Jariwala, they, they are, they are men, who neither wealth, no trade, no sale diverts from the remembrance of Allah. So the heart is attached to Allah and His remembrance. And whilst living in this world, they are not diverted from their connection to God, the less we are doing diverted inwardly and outwardly format and our attachment and our remembrance and our recollection and our worship of Allah, the more we can be set to be region. Good. So the dunya the worldliness, making money, prosperity, acquiring wealth and objects and things like that, right?

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That should be in your heart, it shouldn't be in your heart, it should be in your hand, not in your heart, okay. And if you're doing it, it should be done from the perspective of being Allah centric and aka centric, because, for me, a Muslim man or Muslim in general must have a vision for their life must have a global vision. And that vision has to be in line with the criteria of success and the criteria of success in the Quran is what the greatest triumph is going to Jannah right being enveloped by

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I have the pleasure and mercy of Allah subhana wa Tada special mercy and love of Allah and your eternal bliss in paradise. That is the great, greatest triumph as Allah says. So we know what success is, right in the grand global cosmic scheme of things. And we need to have a vision that's in line with with with that understanding of success.

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And therefore, when you and you should strive to accumulate wealth, and so on and so forth, to take care of your family, your family members, your immediate family, your community and as many people as possible for sure, by has to be done in line with the criteria of success and in line with your vision of the world and your own personal vision. Absolutely. Look at Superman Alehissalaam when he he asked Allah for forgiveness, right, so his aka centric humans to be enveloped in Allah special mercy, but then he said, grant me a kingdom that no one else has basically had to be full. So we see here he was ALLAH centric, aka centric, you know that he wants to achieve Paradise, and he wants his

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home from the dunya. But as we know, in his life, he was a righteous king. And this kingdom was going to be in line with the criteria of success. It's interesting because exactly, it's clear. And it's interesting that you bring that up that I'm Solomon Ali Salam was a prophet king or a messenger King. Because when the Prophet salallahu alayhi, wa Salam is given that he is offered the choice that the angel Gabriel says to him that Allah has told me to ask you, do you wish to be a messenger king or a slave prophet?

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either in the form of you know, having you know, having dominion, okay is like Salam, Ali Simon doe, with La slums, father and son, or a slave messenger, the prophets, Allah, Allah Psalm says, I choose to be a slave mess messenger. But I asked Allah, that one day, let him feed me on one day, let me go hungry one day, let him feed me. Let him let me go hungry. And that was the same occasion, that occasion of the Israa and the Mirage, where he's offered wine, or milk, the profit or loss.

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Yeah, why no milk, and the process and chooses the milk and Gibreel Alayhis Salam says, Who the total fitrah you have been guided to the innate naturalness of that Allah is pleased. Okay. Some point, the point being is, he'd be a slave messenger. There'll be humility in his life. It's not really about dominion. And even though dominion and political authority and strength is within the teachings of Islam, but the prophets are awesome early on in Makkah, when he is offered, because the Quraysh have got fed up with his preaching, and he's making more and more converts. So not many, but more and more converts. And they realize they can't stop this new nascent teaching or religion. So

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they they're trying to offer him the kind of frustrated compromise, look,

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if it's worth your after, we'll pull our resources together and give you all the wealth. If it's Dominion political authority you want over us, we will make you our King, and we won't take a decision without running it pass you with us. And if it be that, you know, you want to marry the women, and we will get all our best females together when you get to you. And the process says, I don't want any of that. And the reason why is because not that any of those things aren't important. It's that he wants people to understand he's not calling to a political ideology, but to a metaphysical spiritual message. Yes. should also have implications in the world it will, it will

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have political

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implications for politics as part of Islam. There's no no doubt about that see us it is from Islam. No one really would deny that. But the point being is the essence of what it means to be a human being worship of Allah is predicated on certain qualities. Some of these qualities are mentioned in the original verses very interesting, because it goes to show as well that there are levels here. So sometimes when you think about, you know, what does it mean to be a man in the Islamic tradition? Sometimes we automatically think having a dominion and having wealth is a good thing. And it is, it's not blameworthy, per se, as long as it's Allah centric and Arcata centric no problem. But look

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at the life of the prophet Sallallahu it was some he was so focused in his vision, so focused in pleasing Allah, that those things were almost secondary.

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Do you see my point like he had a very deeply meaningful existence that all his kind of internal external resources were aligned to being the best possible human being which was the case and pleasing a lot of the most which was the case and therefore, the Dominion aspect and the aspect of trying to you know, you know, the bling bling right was secondary. When you have

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nonprofits, like like Abu Bakr,

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who we believe reached the MACOM on my Shahada, spiritually witnessing God with the heart with a lord Becerra. And generally, their state generally their state was that the constant remembrance and the constant awareness of Allah's presence in their life. It wasn't, at most time at prayer time in Ramadan, when I'm picking up the Quran, it was just consistent. So we call that Moshe the spiritual witnessing because the heart sees Allah.

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When that's the case of a nonprofit, what will be the MACOM the state of a profit, let alone the best Prophet sallahu wa salatu salam, there isn't a word or a station, we don't say oh, he was at the station of spiritually witnessing Allah, because the station of prophets are well beyond that. They're indescribable. But it gives us an idea that when he rejected the singers, because of what is the comparison of all these things, when the deep, immediate presence of Allah

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you're enveloped in that.

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And actually,

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the whole of the Islamic spiritual tradition is predicated on men and women actually drawing closer to that reality or spiritually witnessing Allah. But let me move to something simpler. So I want to summarize the second verse, the second verse, which is in Surah, Surah Noor. So the one that you just mentioned was that neither wealth nor trade or divert,

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not in the heart, absolutely. And if you're going to have the dunya, which is not blameworthy, it's praiseworthy, by has to be Allah centric, aka centric, absolutely. And it doesn't divert you from the remembrance of Allah, your absolute, absolute, and there's no harm. This is not the highest, highest spiritual level, but just at the basic Halal level, there is no harm, wanting dunya, the halal things of this dunya gained in a halal way, with gratitude to Allah, yes, without making, making it be a cause of leaving any of the religious obligations or falling into the clear cut haram, then that's fine. It's just in Islam. We don't consider that to be the highest quality, or

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even the higher quality of men, we just find it to be like that. It's a bit like parents. Some parents say to me, I mean, they you know, I remember one sister asking me a while is it true that in Islam, the highest love we can give our children is just to give them unconditional love? I said, No, that's probably the lowest level of love. We as parents need to give our children who however they turn out however, they are, however frustrating they are to us, we need to give our children unconditional love, period. But that is not the highest level of love, the highest level of love. We hope that we can learn to love our children, for the sake of Allah because they're doing those

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things to please Allah, that we can love them for that. That's the highest level of love. But the entry level of love, every one of us must love our children unconditionally. But let's not mistake the highest for the entry level. Yes. Okay. Likewise, let's not mistake that in Islam. It's allowed to run after material stuff, halal material stuff in the ways that I've described. Okay, it's a hierarchy of virtue. Yeah, absolutely. But as men, is that what we want to do just barely be amongst man in a biological sense? Of course, for sure. Or do we want to aim for what Allah subhanaw taala wants us to be have that kind of men who exemplify men well loves making it clear in this verse that

00:33:53--> 00:34:29

the dunya shouldn't divert you away from the remembrance of Allah. So you have a criteria here now. So if you accumulate your domain and wealth, for example, and that deviates you away from the remnants of Allah, then you become a less of a man. Simple. Yeah. And that is you can be in the position where you have the worldliness and the domain and the dunya in the wealth, and you increase your remembrance of Allah, at least it doesn't make you deviate, then you have the madness going on. But the thing I want to mention about love, which is indirectly related by thought, it's important for the audience. It is so deep because the unconditional love of a mother that she has for her

00:34:29--> 00:34:59

children is really a kind of needy type of love, because she needs to love because it completes her. Right? And elevate your type of love if you do it via the love of Allah because he is the source of all love. Right? And he is the greatest benefactor and he is a good dude. He is the loving right? So we say something like how can you love anything without loving the Source of Love Itself? Right. So I just wanted to mention that but yeah, so that's the second the in the Islamic context, we we might we might not put it as that love

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

is predicated on a needy love even if there is a psychological treatment, we will just simply say that love is a hub they bury. It's the natural love.

00:35:09--> 00:35:32

The reason I should unpack this more the reason I mentioned this is because a mother loves because she needs to love Allah. If she does, it completes her, let's be honest and it completes me as a father right? Yeah. So listen to this. Allah is awesome at his independent everything depends on him his Ellery honey, he's the completely absolutely rich and free. Yet he loves some pride in how pure His love is.

00:35:34--> 00:36:02

That's the point I was trying to read. And that's why we are here. Not I'm not talking about here. I'm talking but that's why we're here. We're here is because it's all about love. third verse out of four. Okay, the fourth one is like, every Muslim man knows the fourth verse, okay, but the third verse Spangler, Allah says about a particular type of mosque that is created and built by Hippocrates for the wrong reason and for for causing schism.

00:36:03--> 00:36:20

In the Quranic vocabulary, it's called a masjid or Dirar, the Mosque of Harmon and negativity. Then, immediately after that verse, law must you do an assessor Allah taqwa, Min hourly, Yom a Haku and Docomo via fee.

00:36:21--> 00:36:32

And a mosque that is founded on from day one, on the foundations of piety is more deserving, that you stand to pray in it.

00:36:33--> 00:36:51

fee and the verse continues fie regional on your hipbone at a youth a TATA Haru wala who you humble Matata hearing, because in it are men who love to be purified. And God loves those who are purified.

00:36:52--> 00:37:43

Anytime men who want love to be purified, not just purification for wudu and then entering into the formal canonical prayer, absolutely, that is purification, but purify in their hearts of everything other than Allah and displeasing Allah. And the ego gets in the better of it, and the whims and desires overcoming it. Such that we end up doing haram that is the mark of a man. And it's not me that saying it is the book of Allah. This is quite moving. It's as if this was before and and look at it here is a mosque, you're with the wrong reasons. This is the right reason, but why no one's really jumped and what's powerful here, this opens now the kind of the gate to discuss the kind of

00:37:43--> 00:37:44

internal elements because

00:37:46--> 00:38:25

Allah loves those who purify themselves. And there's the internal purification, right? So let's, let's just hold that, okay, because because I share with you the same sentiment, what you just touched on is the heart of the matter. But let me just do my last regional verse. Okay. I mean, if you promise that we talk about the four spiritual diseases, and we need to speak about these because it connects with the third verse, right? When you talk about bravery and strength as well, it's all part of get accused of being like to solve the problem. So so far, all we've done really is looking at three verses. Yes. Which mentioned the word regal men just to get an idea. We just scratched the

00:38:25--> 00:38:32

surface. Absolutely. So here's the fourth one, which many Muslims know. And it can be quite abused. It certainly

00:38:33--> 00:39:03

has been abused, but I'm going to say it nonetheless. Armory jar of course is going to have the word reach out original co Munna Allah Nyssa allawah Bhima de la Allahabad, don't think might be not uncommon and wildly him. Men are co Moon over women, men are our protectors of women by virtue of what strength Allah has given the one over the other. And because of what they spend up their wealth to maintain them. Yes. So

00:39:04--> 00:39:54

the relationship between a man and a woman it from just this verse, there are other verses on what and Hadith but just from this verse is, and especially in marriage, and in and in being a father or an older brother, if you're the head of the family, co Wellmune. It's Coahoma. It's a responsibility of protection. It can be physical protection, but it can also be psychological protection. Quite often, women need less physical protection than they do psychological protection. Sometimes we as husbands might be able to defend our wives physically, and actually harm them emotionally. Absolutely. Right. That's true, but men are made are protectors of women. I cannot be it's not

00:39:54--> 00:40:00

permissible for me to generally I mean, there's there's some gradings of rulings here, but it's it's not permissible.

00:40:00--> 00:40:30

For me as a Muslim husband, to physically beat my wife, okay? And just I can't as I can't physically beat her. I can't, I can't emotionally beat her. Yes, men are maintainers are protective women, because of the strength that Allah has placed in one over the other in general, there might be one or two, kind of, you know, Olympic athlete women who are far stronger than whatever. But even then, in that context, he has a responsibility. Yeah, he's still out. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I

00:40:31--> 00:41:05

sometimes say, oh, you know, I'm independent, I am educated, I can have a job that's drawn. That's fine. If in marriage, a a woman of that nature, and a man has chosen to get married to a woman of that nature, and that woman says, and therefore, I absolve you, of maintaining me, then that's her. She has wavered her, right? But a man can't say, well, you're already a millionaire. I'm not going to spend on you. He has an obligation to his response. Absolutely. Even if she absorbs that, right, right. She gives up that right heart or your manliness. She's, she still has to respect to you. Absolutely. Yeah.

00:41:07--> 00:41:44

Oh, therefore he's, he's doesn't have authority. Absolutely. Because he does. If he says something, you have to be devoutly obedient. So may Allah cause my words to be taken in their best way. They are the best words from the Prophet Slauson. So it's not the context can be abusive. Okay. But, you know, we, we can't fly from one extreme to the other in that it's been over mentioned, and mis mis abused and misused. And now we don't mention it. But just on this thing that I woman came to the property was unhappy, if you say, and it's well known. And the Prophet SAW also hadn't seen him for a while. And he said to her, how are you? She said, O Messenger of Allah, I'm good, I'm fine. And

00:41:44--> 00:41:45

she said,

00:41:46--> 00:41:53

he said, I have you been married yet? And she in one direction, said era sort of some Yeah, I got married recently.

00:41:55--> 00:41:59

And he asked her or she volunteers that information I can't remember.

00:42:00--> 00:42:09

And he's a really good man. So the profits are awesome sister. Look towards him, for he is your paradise and hellfire? Yes. Okay.

00:42:10--> 00:42:23

And maybe that was less, not so much for her sake, but for all of us who come thereafter that our husband has that MACOM that station in Islam, that there needs to be?

00:42:26--> 00:43:03

Honor and obedience and that which isn't disobedience? And in that which is not unreasonable? Yes, there are some levels of obedience, which are unreasonable wife is extremely tired. And the husband says, you know, make a cup of tea now. And let's just say they just she just doesn't have the physical strength, that will be unreasonable. Otherwise, obedience. I mean, I think how that is used and abused, I don't intend it to be nice translations like righteous obedience devoutly obedient. And the reason that's important because you're obeying your husband, because you're obeying Allah. Right? So that you're devout to allow you could Yeah, and you're and you're, you have this

00:43:03--> 00:43:12

righteous, devout obedience to your husband, because you are devout to Allah subhanaw taala. That's the hope, which is why, which is why also the qualities

00:43:14--> 00:43:45

of man marries a woman for religiousness, hopefully, will be the Trump one, because that which know all the other qualities might not give you of that godliness, her religious, this will make her you know, Fear God, and do right by her husband. And same with the husband. He's religious as a fear of God hopefully will make him do right by his wife. And so they will both be loving and lovable spouses I, you know, from experience and from this interact with like lots of people married and unmarried,

00:43:46--> 00:44:31

you get a sense of that one of the most important things in marriage, like the oxygen of the man is that He is respected, right, and that he is loved as well. And when that respect is gone, it can dismantle the whole marriage and the relationships. So likewise, a man must respect and honor and love his wife and protect his wife, emotionally and physically. But usually, sometimes we live in a culture where and this is, from what I see online and interacting with people, there is a sense of because of this kind of post modern post secular world that we live in, there is a sense of losing that MACOM losing that status of what it means to be a husband and a father. And that respect now,

00:44:31--> 00:44:59

that oxygen is has been removed, and it destroys the essential hierarchy. And it destroys the hierarchy of virtues in us in our community and society. And this has to be taken extremely seriously. And that's why you know, I was in Dublin the other day and during the q&a when I mentioned something about the hierarchy of virtues, because I want to be very clear here especially to the audience to the scholars that do arts in every every

00:45:00--> 00:45:00

part of the world.

00:45:02--> 00:45:34

What's important is that we align our values and prioritize them in line with the Quran and what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has told us. And unfortunately, in the past 10 years or so we had this discussion offline. The past 10 years or so there's been this type of narrative that when we're talking about women, and what it means to be a woman, we don't talk about it in a way that's in line with the prioritization of values that Allah and His Messenger has given us all along. It was,

00:45:35--> 00:46:11

for example, and you see this, unfortunately, some Institute's or do art or, you know, whoever they are, they push forward a narrative of what it means to be a woman, this empowered, liberated creature that's going to take over the world, it's going to make money, it's going to be totally educated, and so on and so forth. Which by the way, I'm not saying is a problem per se. But that has been a narrative. And there's been a huge kind of lacuna, a gap in the key priority or the hierarchy of values in our tradition, which is the highest thing that a woman can be is a mother and a wife.

00:46:12--> 00:46:46

So I will generally I will say to you, why aren't we talking about this? So devil's advocate that for example, my wife no bedevils advice. She has the best role in the world. Like if she was a multimillionaire, the best businesswoman and she was a whatever the case may be. It would not be the same as what she is a homemaker. She is a mother. She was a white. Let me let me stop you there. Let me pull you up. I'm passionate about it. It's so important because they put up there, I get it. I get Asian of the Muslim family is so critical for our success. I get it. Let me pull you up on that. Please do so.

00:46:47--> 00:47:30

And it's a devil's advocate. Pull out no problem. Okay. Which is this? Hold on a minute. Women are meant to be the best place the woman is to be a homemaker and child razor or words. Okay. Now here my kind of modern sensibilities, like the kind of like the the alarm bells are going. Because didn't the lady had Ijarah? There wasn't she was an independent, successful businesswoman. You know, like, she would have been a CEO of like, in the city by now, how would you respond to that? Well, please correct me, you're the chef here. So my understanding of that narrative was when she married the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, she took a step back.

00:47:31--> 00:48:05

Simple as that, and also stepped back from business from the business life, he took control, Sal, Allahu ala he was salam. Also, you don't define what it means to be. What did you do then? Well, well, I'm pleading the fifth here. This is irrelevant, in my view, to a certain degree, because you don't define what it means to be a Muslim or a Muslim man or Muslim woman with exceptions. You just don't do that. If you want exceptions, you can find them in the tradition everywhere. And this and this. So let me let me

00:48:06--> 00:48:40

this is the problem with that narrative. And that's what's happening with some Institute's and do art and preachers is that they will take the exception, because it's in line with postmodern liberal, new Liberal secular sensitivities. They would make it now the norm. And this is the elephant in the room that we need to discuss. Yes, I agree. You could find an exception. Yes, in the contract in marriage, or you could waiver her work or her rights. She could be a multimillionaire, she could send a ticket of all the time you don't need to work or husband, you can go I don't know, fulfill your footballing soccer dream, whatever. These exceptions exist. No problem. I'm not saying

00:48:40--> 00:48:56

that. But when it comes to virtues and ethics and priorities, we do not use the exception and I'm saying there is no exception. I'm saying that you're perfectly right. Not only did she not propose to the province or some directly some people think she did she did it via someone.

00:48:58--> 00:49:17

Not only did she even before she made the process, um, she wasn't going out and doing businesses. She she had people to do it on her behalf. But it was a business yes, in a male dominated society. After marriage, she just handed over the last two more importantly,

00:49:19--> 00:49:26

because she did that because there was something of greater attention and virtue that she she knew about.

00:49:28--> 00:49:30

Wife hood motherhood.

00:49:31--> 00:49:31


00:49:33--> 00:49:59

slowly and steadily, the Quranic verse is beginning to trickle down about a Nyssa mustard art, which is not a verse of the Quran. But this is a principle that women generally in Islam, I'm not making it up, okay, please go and check it up. You don't have to accept what I'm saying. Okay, your audience doesn't have to, but go and ask the right questions generally, that the feel and the flavor and the tenor of river

00:50:00--> 00:50:02

revealed verses or Hadith about women

00:50:04--> 00:50:15

Am I not? Am I not right in saying that? They are they all verge towards muster up? Not really being out there.

00:50:16--> 00:50:30

Okay, so their dress is more must store more kind of concealing than a man's dress. Yes. There in the case of the Lady Khadija della and her okay. She was my store in that

00:50:32--> 00:50:58

the Sierra hardly mentioned so now she is the first Muslim, right? She's the first Muslim how she mentioned one of the most powerful mentions and it because before this, this is she was the preserve of early Islam. Because when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam came down now she's mentioned better than that Hamza Allah Wa, she is mentioned by the prophet saw something where no one believed in me, she believed in me, and she comforted me.

00:51:00--> 00:51:10

That's how she's mentioned. And also, and this is quite moving, when he mentioned her love, and I think it relates to Khadija Rajala and her that her love nourished me.

00:51:13--> 00:51:36

Isn't it? Sorry, it's, it's moving. Beautiful. So the lady for deja has unwittingly been butchered by us Muslims in the modern era. And the Lady Aisha the law and her eyes are, I contend, has also been butchered by us Muslims unintentionally. You know why? Because we have we have

00:51:37--> 00:52:16

adopted neoliberal and sometimes postmodern, epistemological and metaphysical assumptions willingly or unwillingly. We've jumped into the epistemological and metaphysical lizard hole thinking is the cave of Hira, but ended up be, we end up throwing ourselves into Japan. So they did Orajel under when he came down, and he said, cover me cover me. Look what she said, Look how she supported him and empowered him. And this, this shows how important it is to have a very deep meaningful relationship with your wife or wives. And you see this in the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and I I'm a true believer that a true sign of a man which is emulating the character the

00:52:16--> 00:52:24

process on him is actually to have very deep meaningful relationships with your with your wife or wives. You know what, because he would love to spend time with him. Look at on Solomon,

00:52:25--> 00:53:05

the person had a problem, right? Because the truth of who they be. The Sahaba were like a bit reluctant to follow some stuff because they had a hero for the deen, they'll get upset. The person tells them to shave their head, they don't listen, the person goes and talks to on cinema Rajala who and what she say shave your head and roll, don't control and role period people in your behavior be that which you want others to become. So he shaved his head, the Sahaba shaved the head advice from his beloved wife Rajala Anna. So this is this is very important. Now, when our scholars say that the texts speaking about women tend towards must or art concealment. Generally,

00:53:07--> 00:53:10

the text about men speak about

00:53:14--> 00:53:16

concealing their dominance. So

00:53:17--> 00:54:02

in my house, my wife, my wife, being a practicing sister and a share her and whatever, my Amin she gives me the entitlements that the Sharia gives me right okay, in terms of in the end, I'm the head of the house, which is a bit of a dog's dinner because that means anything haram that comes in, I'm ultimately responsible, even if it comes via, you know, whatever, whatever. The point being is in Islam, even if the captain was the captain's hat, he doesn't actually wear the hat. He actually does it through love, shorter consultation on selama the profit or loss in business consultation. It's only when you have an insecurity or when things are breaking up, that You the man ends up

00:54:02--> 00:54:45

unfortunately, egotistically asserting, when a man doesn't assert his manliness When a man says I'm the man respect me, I think that's already a sign of of a either a pathology in him or a breakdown in between them. So that 100% And just like in leadership, like if I say a CEO of Sapiens, I'm the boss, listen to me. I'm already finished. But that doesn't mean that authority is not there from an injury. So the man sometimes we'll have to be positively assertive. And my dad mentioned this really well he's not Muslim, but May Allah guide him he mentioned it as love and law. So it's like a box right? You got the boundaries, which is the law and inside the box, tolerance forbearance, love

00:54:45--> 00:54:57

compassion, just like what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was so as your data slim No, he's not missing him but it sounds like one doesn't yet because you know it's unbelievable because

00:54:58--> 00:54:59

my one of my teachers used

00:55:00--> 00:55:38

exactly that in Arabic is about marriage. He said marriage is love and law. He said the law brings your boundary, but the actual marriage needs to be based on love. Yeah, for sure. And I truly believe that it takes a good man to help a woman become very good. It takes a good woman out to help a man become because marriage they complement, kind of like, you know, cliche, oh, I'm gonna fulfill half of my Deen half of my faith. No, no, the reason you feel half of your faith, in my view, is not because all of a sudden you're going to feel complete, and there's going to be angels coming in and be fireworks and No, it's because she's your mirror. She knows you better than maybe you know

00:55:38--> 00:55:59

yourself or other people know you. And she would she would get the best out of you, or the rest of you, or she will know is the best in you and empower you and are not just notice the West in you and remind you humbly in order for you to be on that journey. So you could come closer to Allah subhana wa. So I really believe marriage is a mirror whilst whilst I remember this, one of my teachers said to me,

00:56:01--> 00:56:02

this was years after I got married.

00:56:04--> 00:56:54

He said it's important to understand that in Islam, there are there are two things sometimes the Respect is earned. Yes. Okay. And that's in the world as well. Respect is earned. But there are occasions in Revelation in Islam, where Allah says, respect this, this person or the function of this person, respect the head of state, yes, by virtue of the role not by virtue of the person, right of respect the husband, for the same reason, okay. So in those occasions, and there are more than two occasions, but there aren't many, where we respect the role and hopefully the person in it, but respect the role, then the principle is honored. But if a woman is not respecting our husband,

00:56:55--> 00:56:58

because he is doing an Islamic things.

00:56:59--> 00:57:30

Allah does not take her to task that is completely understandable. But she needs to know that in as a rule of thumb, women need to honor their husbands, not just love their husbands honor their husbands. And it's something where if you're brought up in a traditional way, the idea of honor which is now no longer in society, yes. Okay. Even in even in our religious practice, we love we talked about loving the previous lesson, but something higher than love is Iran honoring venerating

00:57:32--> 00:57:33

the prophets philosophy.

00:57:34--> 00:58:14

Dub G Toki tat V mon Nabi sallallahu alayhi salam, most of Islam we teach a will need to love the process and we should love the process and absolutely, but we never teach what is higher than that, which is that demon Nabhi not just mad button. Same thing with a husband. It's not just that they can be nice and loving and lovable or whatever. But actually the Quranic the Hadith talk about the woman honoring the husband, and the honor is slightly different than just kind of ordinary listening to and respect. But But Fair's fair, no one teaches the concept of honor in society. And so if someone in this generation, okay, you know, generation Zed or or even forget about gender, it's even

00:58:14--> 00:58:28

just after my generation, okay, much. It's not taught. So it's not on your radar, how can it be on our radar in marriage, if it's not even on our radar in religion with the profits and loss of survival, so it's not necessarily anyone's fault. It's a lack of education.

00:58:29--> 00:58:45

Just to summarize the fourth verse here, you wanted to be protectors and maintainers of our women folk, it's important that we ensure that our women focus satisfied physically and emotionally. And that requires a kind of

00:58:47--> 00:58:51

positively assertive attitude, but also one that is compassionate and humble.

00:58:53--> 00:59:26

Yeah, and that you enrolled people in your behavior. So if you weren't loving your home, you need to become loving because states of being give rise to states of being monochromatic. Like if someone says there's no my wife doesn't love me. Okay, when's the last time you loved her bro? Or you said you love her? My husband doesn't love me. Okay, when's the last time that you showed him love, you will love and be loving and roll. don't control it remotely when you behavior. So if you want to humidity Be humble. Humidity gives birth to humidity from passion, be passionate. Passion gives birth to passion. If you want to be loving, if you want love, be loving because love gives rise to

00:59:26--> 00:59:43

love. And this is a very important perspective, especially when it comes to our brothers who have the sense of authority and that they have to take care of their family and women folk, that you need to be the transformation that you seek in others. This is so critical. It's a prophetic trait.

00:59:45--> 00:59:59

He was so humble. He was compassionate. He was loving. He was brave. In the Battle of her name, when the hours were flying and arrows and he was marching forward. He said I am the messenger of Allah right. He's not a liar. And I think absolutely no

01:00:00--> 01:00:22

To bring him back he was so brave, or we might we might recall, because that's a battle and you think, oh, you know, many people can rise to the occasion but the noise in Medina Yeah, absolutely first. Absolutely. It was the first he's coming back when they're actually just getting to check out. He was there ready to protect. And you know why? Because there's so this interest is talked about sense of bravery here. Bravery is so

01:00:23--> 01:00:32

neglected when it comes to leadership and what it means to be a male. We think bravery, just being strong and being able to fight right. But bravery for me is a way of being I call it

01:00:33--> 01:01:11

become to overcome. It's a state of being, don't focus on the action you need to do, focus on who you must be. And then in order to become brave, you need to be with the people around you who are brave, you can't find them, reflect on stories of bravery reflect on the stories of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Secondly, and have Taqwa have God consciousness, because at the end of the day, what is the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is that you die. All right. And if you die, you did the right thing. Who are you meeting? Who is Allah? His elbow? Dude, he is the intensity loving. He is a rock man, the intensity merciful, you're going to be a loving Merciful

01:01:11--> 01:01:26

Lord. So the worst that can happen is that you're dead. Okay? And when you die, what happens? Subhanallah eternal abyss will Allah subhanaw taala. So when you understand what is the worst that can happen, if I have to do the right thing and be brave,

01:01:27--> 01:02:06

then it will make things much easier. Also understand the consequences of not being brave. And also understand that you have certain responsibilities. But the point here is when it comes to bravery, it doesn't mean you're never going to have fear, right? to reframe the whole, your whole way of being, you have to have an Allah centric and Arcata centric mindset. And I truly believe if you focus on the worst thing that can happen, the worst thing that can happen is that you die. Where if you did the right thing, where are you going? And that's important because sometimes we have this sense of dunya orientation. And sometimes we're reluctant to say the right thing to do the right

01:02:06--> 01:02:24

thing don't get me wrong, we have to be wise we don't to make it difficult for ourselves. I completely get that Hickman is saying the right thing doing the right thing at the right time in the right place. If we go no your know all that you knew you knew he's defending his people. But I think we're on this I think we're possibly starting from somewhere.

01:02:25--> 01:02:30

There's something more more foundational, I feel which is this that look

01:02:31--> 01:02:37

even just on bravery. And remember that we're just skirting around the point

01:02:38--> 01:02:40

electoral bravery. And

01:02:41--> 01:02:58

skirting around the fourth point that there is a Raju Leia a particular masculine way of interacting with the opposite gender, that's what we're talking about as a fourth point, yeah, and we're bringing bravery in but my point being is this you might prove your point wasn't connected but

01:03:01--> 01:03:04

why one of the things that Islam teaches us is

01:03:06--> 01:03:10

really the, the only, the only thing that counts is that Allah

01:03:12--> 01:03:24

You know, when we say Allahu Akbar and start the prayer, it doesn't just mean God is great, it means God is greater. Anything that you can think of God is greater, and that includes our lives and our deeds.

01:03:25--> 01:03:32

And one of the things that our spiritual masters tell us and you can see this in the great Imams Imam Muhammad comes immediately to mind

01:03:33--> 01:03:41

is that if fame was thrust upon them notice the I notice the word thrust upon them as opposed to seeking it

01:03:42--> 01:04:02

the believer doesn't seek fame but if it's thrust upon him then he he or she then ask themselves What does Allah want from me and if it needs to be need be then they rise to the occasion? No problem yes. However bravery generally is in the ordinariness of everyday life

01:04:03--> 01:04:43

we Muslims shouldn't be looking for those extraordinary moments to be brave they may never come we may never end we may never be called to do a legitimate Jihad under a Calif for example shot all right, but we should be ready to be brave in that way. No, yes. It's not like we have the right but we should we should just be brave in our ordinariness by trying to overcome our egos being in service to people and actually being healers not destroyers people stepping up to the shadow into the light and helping others is just

01:04:44--> 01:04:59

that is that is bravery. That is a bravery something that I mentioned a lot which is the greatest enemy is the enemy. Yeah, so the greatest enemy is the inner me. So like that, yeah. So so the sense of the knifes the ego, the Fit

01:05:00--> 01:05:09

of the color of the heart, which are Shahar wort and Shubho heart, blameworthy desires and destructive doubts and you have the diseases which, which now allows us to talk about this.

01:05:11--> 01:05:14

I find it extremely problematic that a lot of our

01:05:16--> 01:05:47

us as a collective, we don't focus on the very essential internal elements of what it means to be a man, or even a Muslim, which includes battling one's ego, right? Yeah, you know, you may be able to articulate your software and push people around. But if you can't bench press your ego. If you can't basically swallow your pride, hold down your anger. Then what kind of madness Do you have? You know, the amount of pettiness that I witnessed online is unbelievable. It's just a showcase of

01:05:49--> 01:06:17

that would be a clear sign of unmanned leanness 100% 1,000% by mentioned this a lot but but I want to be part of the solution. So the way to deal with this is to understand that the curb the heart does a little bit wavers. Okay. Carla wavers and the heart has certain spiritual disease and this for me check May Allah bless you and preservative which you quoted even fail may Allah have mercy on him when he said the four major spiritual diseases of the heart are

01:06:18--> 01:06:25

Kippur arrogance, our job SELF amazement, Rhea, ostentation, and blame with the jealousy hazard.

01:06:27--> 01:07:07

And remember our actions, essentially even our tongue what we see there spoons of the heart, they dip into the heart and then what comes out is our actions and our tongue. So they're manifestations of our heart state, way of being. So if we have arrogance, rejecting the truth thinking we're better than others, if we have our job we have self amusement is all about me. And I'm, I'm amazing and I have intrinsic value is not because of Allah successful from Allah was because of me. If I was real ostentation that I'm showing off, I'm showing up. I'm literally doing these days just for people to praise me. And there's another form of ostentation, which is Soma, which is basically you want

01:07:07--> 01:07:34

people to hear about your deals, not just witnessed them, but to hear about them, and you're doing the action in order for people to hear about it. And then you have blameworthy jealousy that, that you actually are jealous of someone to the degree that you don't want them to have any anymore, and you seek ways to remove it from them, whether it's intellectual gifts, or whether it's other types of gifts that they have. So these spiritual diseases, or the other spiritual disease and manifest from them again, saying that not from you directly.

01:07:36--> 01:08:08

We hardly talk about these things. And I would even say, it's probably more important than sometimes the action itself, because the action itself is predicated on contingent on our heart state. But one of the reasons for that is because we don't quite always link or we haven't been taught to link these inner spiritual growth, with actually the concept of what it means to be a man. For whatever reason, we tend to divorce these essential, obligatory aspects of religious learning and growth.

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With the idea of learning to be a Muslim man, let's focus on just Muslim men.

01:08:17--> 01:09:04

So for example, if I were to open up a fairly large book on Muslim ethics and, and fatawa, male, masculinity, chivalry, membership, one of the things we are what I might come across, and it will be unsurprising is that Muslim men tend to not speak much. They tend to be more contemplative, and say, whatever they need to say, but they don't kind of just yap yap. But today, we men, society as a whole meant in society and we're part of society. We Yep, yeah, a lot of for whatever reasons, okay. And even if there's nothing haram, but it's yet the distinctive virtue of a Muslim man, that you could count how many words is said going back to the teachings of the Prophet slicin is absent. Why

01:09:04--> 01:09:12

is it absent is because there is something to do with the ego, I want to be heard, I need to be a part of the conversation.

01:09:13--> 01:09:15

And yet the prophetic way

01:09:17--> 01:09:21

not, and again, in context of Muslim men is that

01:09:22--> 01:09:27

good deeds don't require a trumpet. There's no fanfare about it. And

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because Allahu Akbar, God is greater.

01:09:33--> 01:09:59

The Muslim man prefers to learn to just sink back into obscurity. By always being responsible, never leaving a vacuum doing what needs to be done or saying what needs to be said. But then just, it's out there and now it's Hello. This is for Allah and Allah is the one who's controlling. But what's happened today is and it's been going on for all

01:10:00--> 01:10:03

Long time is that we don't have that thing on,

01:10:04--> 01:10:40

on wanting to be obscure hormone Lee, it was a trait of men that generally they would do something and then not make a big fuss about, okay, I want it this and that. And the reason why is that comes down to something in the ego so that we need to go back to what you're saying there are agree there has to be a training of the heart that needs to be done by check. The problem of the problem with this is the wrong type of people have not sat back and they've gone forward. And the right type of people have sat back. And I think this also links to the whole issue of

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fear, this whole issue of even maybe intellectual spiritual, I actually don't I actually don't agree with that, I just want to finish the point.

01:10:49--> 01:11:29

A lot of the brothers have got involved in the sector to fill a gap is because maybe those who are qualified, and there may be an element of truth in this haven't basically stood up and said, right, I'm going to fill this gap. So I the reason why I get it, I and I've heard it for a while. I've heard it for, you know, when I was growing up in in terms of like kind of late 80s religious growth, okay. I used to think that, you know, if the scholars were doing their thing, we wouldn't be in this mess, I really believe that. But by the time you start learning the tradition, and then you're interacting with scholars, and then you're getting a sense of what's going on the world, you realize

01:11:29--> 01:11:42

that that's I actually your catering. That's so not true, but maybe it's a disrespect to the scholars maybe well, that's that's a part of it, but it's where we choose to look and not to look, it's going back to that thing that I've said in the beginning.

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If we choose if we choose just to see the online world, we will find hardly any scholars, we will find a lot of nonsense and we might not find many role models, okay. But actually in society in Muslim communities, my personal Muslim community in in Redbridge ofit, for example, or even if I took where I was raised and brought up brought up 11, e 10, e, four e 17, that kind of East London area. Even when I go back there, I find many just ordinary role model men, but they're just ordinary role model men, they got their jobs, many of them are professional, some of them are retired, some of them or whatever. But, but where are they on mine? While actually these particular men, they're

01:12:31--> 01:13:10

of a particular age, they, at most, they might do zoom? And they might use? They might use Facebook's location or Yeah, absolutely. So if you want to find it, okay, and this is where I believe this is, maybe this is sorry, this is where I believe, and it's for another conversation, another time, where Tao culture has a lot to answer for, because what our culture does, is that it doesn't do what we thought we were trying to do in the beginning, before I was a formal student of knowledge, I was a day in the sense that you know, you've got no learning, you've kind of not read the Quran or whatever. And just following Quran and Hadith is 8384. Yes, you know, and for about

01:13:10--> 01:13:14

six, five or six years, or four or five years, three, or four or five years, it was like that.

01:13:16--> 01:13:25

However, even at that time, I was kind of clear in my heart, I thought I was clearing my heart, let's put that I thought I was getting my heart that when the scholars are here,

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I can then shut up because we are just stepping stones. That's how it was meant to be. Of course, ego comes in the way Shakedown gets the better of you and we become more than stepping stones we actually become focal points, even if scholars are there or not. That has amplified drastically, you know, beyond proportion today, you don't get dies. Yes, you do get diabetes who say and I have many dietary friends, okay.

01:13:52--> 01:14:20

And I don't know any one of them who will not say something like words, in fact that I'm not a scholar, and whatever. I think all of them, all of them know that they're not scholars, but what they won't do. And what we don't don't do as students of knowledge is say, you know, what, hold on a minute. Let's just ask the chef, he's just down the road, or he's just like, one door away, or he's just in the next room. It's still about us. It's still about us. And, and, and, and the Islamic tradition is

01:14:22--> 01:14:59

pass it to someone who you think knows? Yeah. So what is the point of view and I honoring the Salaf? And honor narrations of the Salaf that say, oh, one of the Salaf one of the great early Muslim scholars Imams was asked the question and he said, Okay, ask that one. And then I went to ask that one and he said, Ask that one nine to the answer. And then it goes back to the first one. So and the point and I came across 120 of the Peter the the, the answer of the Prophet saw some of the Sahaba the process and and each of them, beg not to answer but to put it to their brother to answer because why, the way of the Olia

01:15:00--> 01:15:12

The way of the Muslim man as other ones it is we don't shirk responsibilities and we don't leave vacuums or we can't, where we you know where we can fill them, but we try to just

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just disappear into the background and seek the right people for the role. Okay, so in a dowel context that would mean that there should be more of a connection with our scholars. We should do more shorter with the scholars and we should be mouthpieces for the Skyping now

01:15:30--> 01:16:08

for the scholars it's a big yeah but it's what you're is basically what you have been pushing up for the mashallah Lakota Ella Bella for a while now. We need to be spiritually rooted, agreed, but but that would also require as a practical manifestation of that, that we actually make sure our consultation with the right people who have helped but not necessarily the scholars, can I just say on tarbiyah if you have experience on tarbiyah so for example, shout out to Catherine Villani and this is something which is just well known. It's not not well known about him, but well known about just unbeli scholar and probably the one of the greatest spiritual masters is some is certainly the

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most famous of the spiritual masters misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, fabricated stories about him anyway. He is humbly so he learns his from humbly scholars and whatever whatever but he actually learns is so look, I mean, he learns to look from a particular humbly scholar, but his actual main spiritual learning or pseudo

01:16:30--> 01:17:12

is from hammer that the boss who wasn't from the scholars. In fact, he couldn't read he couldn't read or write. He just knew his basic for it, then why'd you Barton son NISM, as an ordinary Muslim, but he was an extraordinary Muslim. This idea of when the Prophet Allah Psalm says, that the best of you are those who when you see them, remember remind you of God, is because in the Muslim society after the early age of Islam, you had scholars of you had masters of Tallinn, of teaching the religious instruction, which we normally call scholars, and you had masters of tarbiyah and spiritual training. Yes, that's good enough. Just get enough's. And sometimes you found one scholar

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that was both, but normally it was different. So in Ibn Taymiyyah Rahmatullah LA's Jana, our small little circle of close students, he wasn't he was the alum of Tallinn. He was the he was the scholarly expert. There's no doubt about that. Okay.

01:17:31--> 01:18:07

Even Al came first joins him and even alkanes only 20 or 21. Okay, even team is up there. Who does he leave the spiritual instruction because he knows that he has to give them spiritual and even team is a spiritual man himself. Who does he leave the spiritual to someone four years older than him in his group called chef atman Ibrahim Anwar sati. He is the Imam of SoloQ for the Al Hadith humbly athlete a renewed sense of that time, but particularly for even TV as well. So they are getting their feedback and their fatwas from the chef. And they could and whilst

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on whilst he was alive, they were getting there. So look, swung from him. So to summarize this point, sorry. And the point I'm trying to make is even practicing Muslims today we think the ship the scholar, Mufti, Chef alim, who's teaching you all of whatever is going to be the shouldn't sort of the chair have sort of, it's unlikely he agreed, not impossible, but unlike so therefore, from a dowel context, the brothers need to be around people who are scholarly scholars and to be connected with a good circle of

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what's the right word, mentor spiritual mentors, if you will use that term from a kind of modern or just do what Allah says in the Quran, we'll call Nomad Assad again, be with the righteous truth ones, which means having sober compat spiritual companionship with spiritual people agreed, that is lacking. And oh, this service is solid and severely, oh, my God, of course. It's a lacuna. It's a gap that has put people out there, they exist. And that's why

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we need to remind our brothers and myself and each other that we need to revive that. Because a lot of the mistakes that happened in the dollar

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could have been prevented if we had righteous people around us, internally and externally righteous. And we were connected to the scholars and we were humble enough to do extensive short and listen to that consultation. And I find when you move away from that, we end up having these mistakes. And this connects back to the whole spiritual diseases of the heart, our job, Korea, cable and hazard that the things like not forgiving our brothers or trying to defend ourselves for petty matters, not overlooking

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people's faults, picking on people's faults, not having him in forbearance was the which is a key card

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turistic of the province of Salam, not repelling by that which is better, which is a key characteristic of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which is connected to Tao, by the way, because some sort of facade Vista if you Allah says and who is but in speech than the one who calls to Allah Tao, he is worthy of worship, the only data worthy of worship, that that their righteous to do righteous deeds, and they say, I'm one of the Muslims, which can also mean I'm just a Muslim, I'm humbled it just because I'm doing this doesn't mean I'm special. Right? Then the next verse, which is connected to this holistic approach of calling to Allah is one of my favorite verses, I always

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repeat this verse, good and evil are not the same, repelled by that which is better between two people, there's any enmity, it will tend to intimate friendship. And this is very difficult except for the patient. Interestingly, the Arabic word for repel is not followed by a direct object in this context, and it doesn't really repel evil, repel anything by that which is better. And the early amount of scholars say repenting by that which is better is repenting by that which is more virtuous and more beautiful, which can include also being assertive in certain Conte, depending what the context is.

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We don't have that sense of him and forbearance. Why, because we're not connected the scholars, we don't do Sure, I wouldn't have the humility to learn from them and even take them seriously. And if we do Sure, it's done for a tick box exercise. And also we don't have the right vitals people around us, and we're not working on the spiritual disease of the heart so easy.

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And aggressive, is that when is that women's fought or recovered from that men? When men don't do all that? You said? Is that women's fault? Or is that the men's fault?

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For that, you said, we don't do this. We don't quite rightly so. Can I therefore blame women? For me not doing that? Or is it my own fault? As a man, we have our own responsibility, right? So that's a shortcoming. However, good women get the best out of them. And okay, and good men get the best out of their women.

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Mostly my wife, my wife, I suppose in my wife, I suppose in my wife did not get the best out of me. But she didn't bring the worst out to supposing she tried it. She looked, no, she didn't try even supposing I just want to make a point. It's default, sometimes responsibility, right? On that point to Hadith because I've given four verses and the last one was to end a wrap up. Last one was about men are protected. We do that because it links to the spiritual diseases. I'm going to bring you back again, please, to talk specifically about the diseases and how to solve them. But you gave the solution. And I remember you told me this, again, just gonna hit chef, that one of the key pieces of

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advice or lemma, the scholars of Tessa wolf, the scholars of mosquito knifes purification of the heart, and so on and so forth. They said the number one thing you should do to help with your provocation of your heart, there are job the Kippur, the Hassan, the Ria, is to have good companions is to have companionship, righteous companionship, which, you know, you could do an inference based on even catheters work well, it's so many inferences direct, when he talks about Why did Allah mentioned the dog and the people of the cave, right? You remind me if you remove the dog from the people of the cave, the story still makes sense on a primary facie point of view. So on the face of

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it, nothing really changes. However, if you scratch the surface, you see that what is all I trying to say to us here the doc happened to be with the pious people and Allah save the people in the cave and save the dog. So he because he says if Allah will save a dog because it happens to be righteous people, what would Allah do to your life? Allahu Akbar. See, you do get something from me, right? I always do a process.

01:23:28--> 01:23:38

No, kidding. So the point is, you do teaching that you taught me that the number one piece of advice have good people around you is the most fundamental

01:23:40--> 01:23:46

visit good companionship. Yes, it might not be that we can have it around us. But we need to go and

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sit to Hadith about linking just to men are men, protectors of women because of their spending. Because yes, the prophets awesome says and it's a famous Hadith, hydrocodone, hydrocodone linezolid him, the best of you are those who are best so they're women folk. So actually mark of a Muslim man is how he treats his wives, his daughters, his sisters, his mother's okay. And we don't own our wires. Allah owns our wives. And Allah owns us. Yes, this idea that oh, my wife just has it's been created just just to do my bidding is not quite what the summer teaches. But we've discussed some of that before and lastly, it Hadith. Again, I don't know if it's well known, but I used to be well

01:24:33--> 01:25:00

known. So and jasha is someone who sometimes used to drive the camels and carry you know, like a taxi service. Okay. Normally for battles and whatever. And so one day and Joshua is, is carrying some of the female Sahabas and the prophets lesson, and they've come back from a battle and you know, he's in a hurry to get home because there is something that and so he

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like really driving the camels fast and the process and says, yeah, and jasha Slow down, because you're carrying Kolari fragile vessels. So the problems the Prophet SAW, some is not saying in this hadith that all women are just very weighed and whatever, what he's saying is that the ones that you're carrying, okay, are going to feel very uncomfortable

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at the speed that you're making these camels thing, you know, this is like, you know, like, a warrior on a horseback, you're, you're carrying a caravan of people, yes. Meaning, be aware of women in your boundaries, and behave accordingly. Well, this is a well known aspect of the process. I'm in the teaching that when we love for our brother, we love for ourselves, we love for humanity, we will love for ourselves, which is another

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narration. This means and and now it speaks about this, generally, it means that we are committed to the well being of others. You we need to be committed to the goodness and guidance of all people humanity. And imagine when it comes to your brothers and sisters, imagine when it comes to your women folk, you need to be committed to the welfare, and to the goodness in the guidance. This is a key characteristic of the prophets. My point was slightly slightly different, which is not that you're wrong. Absolutely, absolutely. Spot on. My point was that the believing man, that the Rachel Rachel, they are.

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On the one hand, I said that we tried to do what is right and disappear in the background. But on the other hand, it doesn't mean we're not aware of the circumstances. So Anisha was just being made aware that you have fragile vessels. So in our treatment of women, so for example, there are

01:26:53--> 01:27:28

since the early 90s, I've had female students, and in the last 1010 12 years, I've not taught female students much unless it's, you know, a mixed class and open class. But I remember that when when I had female students, there'll be times where you'd see one or two of the sisters really shine out in the out of the rest of the class, when someone would ask me about, you know, the Muslim woman, and hijab and how she should be towards a wife and this than the other one or whatever, I'd either ask them to ask my wife, which is what I still do even today.

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But at that time, also, I would ask, you know, what, speak to this particular sister, student of knowledge system, because it's not that women, I'm not allowed to speak about hijab, or this or that or how women should be I have every right to speak about how women should be in Islam, as women have a right to speak about how men have to be in the sample. It's just that human nature is there are some things that are so sensitive, it might be easier if women hear it from women. Yeah, for sure. And what happens online, I notice that men are not only insensitive, not all men. Okay, but so much insensitivity. There's also a lot of this, there is, but actually, I can actually do that to most of

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those young men on social media grid 100%, that the door swings both ways. Right? Yeah.

01:28:22--> 01:28:46

fingers are pointing to. But I think it's because there has been, we can't talk about this now and other time. But there has been an adoption, whether it's explicit or implicit knowing or unknowing, and adoption of a kind of postmodern discourse and a feminist discourse among some of our sisters. The reasons for that we can pick on at the time, and I think a reaction to that has been this kind of

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overreaction or unjust reaction and forgetting, the kind of Allah centric, aka centric question we need to ask is, What does Allah want me to do and react in this context is more pleasing to Him, we should be a little bit more balanced. But we have to also appreciate that that discourse is occurring in our communities, no doubt, which is an alien discourse is Cuffley discourse, we have to do this. Again, I think this is one of the most amazing conversations that Allah bless you. But there's something about the liberal folk out there, whether they're Muslim or non Muslim, in the postmodern folk out there that are Muslim or non Muslim, and talk about turning to the camera, yet,

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we don't apologize to you in any shape or form. This is the truth. It's come from an intellectual spiritual foundation. That is true, and we can articulate that, and another time at another time. And I just want to make it very clear that if you find this problematic, or it's not in line with the liberal postmodern sensitivities, then you have the problem, not us. And, you know, this whole idea of that Islam has to now align itself with these liberal secular postmodern tendencies is a false narrative. I tell you, why. Because you're assuming that you've got something that's ideal. You have to understand that these ideas, ideologies that have permeated the Western Hemisphere, even

01:29:59--> 01:30:00


01:30:00--> 01:30:35

Western hemisphere has basically resulted in not understanding what a male and a female is not not preserving the family not preserving morals and virtue. And also it has actually contributed to social fragmentation and decay, and communal disharmony and internal strife from a kind of spiritual perspective and a psycho dynamic perspective and a psychosocial social perspective. So before you want to point the finger say, look, what are these medieval folk talking about? They need to be like us. With all due respect, what do you have, think about what you have. And when you are humble enough to understand that it's a mess, then you'd be able to be listened to us in a more kind of

01:30:36--> 01:30:47

humbled way to understand there is some something virtuous in terms of the work but what we have to offer, I want to mention that orange is very important before or in other words, what we might be saying is

01:30:48--> 01:31:14

just keep your mind open and one day maybe we can dialogue. Yeah, I mean, obviously, I'm coming. He's disarming me in a very beautiful way. Look, standing the possibility that what we're seeing is true. Standing the possibility that it comes from the divine reality and once you stand in that possibility, and your heart is free from kind of previous intellectual, social and cultural baggage and you see it for what it is, then there may be some a witch, Chef, Allahu Allah.

01:31:15--> 01:31:16

So this might not

01:31:18--> 01:31:27

be your time I want to do this again. Bless you. Start in a pleasure Zara philosophy can May Allah bless you, man and Christian Tofik lolich Muslim rahmatullah wa barakato.