Islam and intimacy – Episode 06

Habib Bobat

Channel: Habib Bobat

Series:

Topics: Marriage

Episode Notes

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Islam and intimacy is a 6 part series which covers the Islamic perspective on bedroom matters. Islam is a complete way of life. It provides guidelines on every sphere of life,
from Taharah & Salah, to business, inheritance & marriage.

Likewise, Islam has taken in to account the private moments of a believer’s life. It has provided complete guidance as far as sexual relations are concerned. Scholars have dedicated exclusive chapters to this subject matter.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Kuba to the window cleaner Salatu was Salam ala l mursaleen. In today's session, I intend to wrap up our series on the fear of intimacy or Islam and intimacy. And we'll discuss the actual play and discuss methods after the intimate encounter between the husband and wife.

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When we talk about actual play, the first thing to understand is that the issue of privacy.

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Islam lays a lot of emphasis on this aspect, that when husband and wife are intimate, they should not be in the public eye. Away from the gazes of the children, the minor ones, especially other family members is extremely important. Islam does not encourage public display of intimacy. That is the rule of thumb. Allah subhanho wa Taala the Quran mentions also Johan Latina man who lives in common lady in America a man who come when levena Lamia global Hello ma'am income Salah Murat mean accomplice Allah till federal mahina Todaro, beaucoup Minato hero embodies solid inertia. So that's what I want in local currencies we live in with a lot of people in the house, you got your children,

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you got your workers, everything. So as far as in and out of the house is concerned, it's fine they can come in and out is not a problem. But on three on three occasions, the Quran says that even your children should knock before entering your private space. And the one is before Salatu vegetal.

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The second is during the afternoon when you are taking your nap. A number three after Ayesha Salah. These are three moments if any buddy in the house want to interact with you or talk to you, when they enter in your private space, it's important that they knock before they enter. Because these are moments when people are generally intimate with their partners, or people are more relaxed at those moments of the day.

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It's also not appropriate for the mother to dress incorrectly in front of children, especially if they are violent. Because that's setting the wrong precedent. A mother is ought to lead when it comes to the aspect of modesty, especially in her choice of dressing in the house. So privacy is important when we talk about the actual encounter. Privacy is paramount. If you live in with your extended family or your loved ones, your immediate family. And there's everybody sharing the same space, it's important that you create privacy for your partner, you should not take this lightly. Because one embarrassing moment can make things awkward between you and the opposite person for a

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very long time. And it's not nice those those moments are to be avoided. That is why a Sahabi came to the prophet of a loss of alcoholism. And he said all the way from I still my mother, do I need to seek permission. So he said yes. Then he asked for the second time all the way from LA but I'm staying with my mother, do I need to seek permission? And he said yes. And then he asked me the third time and then the Viva La said yes. And then you said do you want to see your mother naked? So he explained to the young men the wisdom behind prophecy, why you need to respect the privacy of each other especially when it comes to these affairs in our home. The second thing is that we often

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ask the question, Milena, this Islamic literature in the room, they sometimes called on what is the ruling regarding that. So the Sharia is very practical.

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If you have Islamic literature in your in your room where you are going to be intimate, then the ideal is to cover it or put it away in the cupboard or whatever it is because not everybody has a study the house not everybody has the luxury of having such big homes nowadays. So you live in a small two bedroom flat, whatever it may be, that's the only space you have. And your karate is also in the room It's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. So you put the Quran away in the cupboard if possible. If you can't put it away the cupboard the minimum you should do is to cover the Quran with something

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and the same would apply with other Islamic literature.

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Another point to note here is that a lot of people have Quranic is on the wall.

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If you have a bigger space in your house where you can accommodate for all these frames Alhamdulillah Mashallah, you should keep it but if it's in your actual living room or in your actual bedroom, then you should try to move it out of the room because then you can how much can you cover those things are bigger so

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We must take note of this. If there's any Islamic writing's on the wall, maybe Hadees or Quranic verses, then that should be removed from the room and move to another part of the house where people would actually show respect to it. So that's as far as the Quran is concerned. The third thing to consider when it comes to the actual encounter is to recite the Torah. And the two are mentioned in the Hadith also in Buhari Bismillah, Allahu Majid Nibbana, Shay thought were generally will shaytaan Americana, or LA I started your name everything is in the name of Allah. And Allah protect the devil from what you are going to bless us through this union. This is the authentic narration of Buhari

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that a person who recites this drama and if Allah blesses him with a child, then the influence of the devil will not be on the child. Mashallah, now if you can't get the Arabic, it's fine. The objective is to remember Allah and to seek protection in a law from the devil. So even if you do it in English or law, I intend to get close to my partner, you protect this union from the devil. You don't even have to verbalize it as long as you make this internally or you make the door before the actual encounter is sufficient, Masha Allah.

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Another aspect to keep in mind is to avoid facing the Qibla

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very important. So, you must be cognizant of the fact that Qibla is in this direction or that direction. When you are intimate with your partner, you should not be facing the Qibla is as it is disrespectful is that Haram, but it is disrespectful.

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The aspect of talking during intimacy,

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Mufti Shafi sobre la de mentions in him that almost in that, in this day and age, if husband and wife talk, as long as they know, there is no one around him that can hear the conversation. And they can not make out what's happening in the bedroom is fine for them to talk.

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From time to time, it's fine once they are intimate. But obviously, if you're living with other members in the house, then you would want to take precaution because then we have a loss of a law that sort of would say to his partner, that be calm, and he would exercise in silence

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solely because of the aspect of higher and modesty. The next important aspect to consider is positions. Now, the sherea has not stipulated any specific position. The rule of thumb is Nisa accom. Helpful local, to How To Cook and shado. Allah says in the Quran, your women are your tillage, meaning your area of farming. And you may use them as you please meaning whichever position you are comfortable with. Now, it's interesting to look at the background of this verse. Say that our multilotto came to the Prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he said hello to Dr. Sorrell La, la hi to them destroyed. So that'll be a fun night as well.

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Why are you so stressed out? Is there a way for law how well to Riley and Layla are away from law, I changed the direction of my conveyance in a very dignified way. He indicated to the prophet of a law that he from the from the rear, he came to the front.

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And then we have a law was asked this question. So then there'll be a law waited and revelation came down the cell comparison local, that your women are your tonnage, you may enter as you are comfortable. But the rule of thumb is that any position is permissible. But anal sex is haram.

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So whatever position you are comfortable with with your partner,

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it's fine. There's another background to this narration and it's an interesting one also, the people of Medina were living close by to the people of Allah Kitab, the Jews and the Jews were predominantly only practicing one position.

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The missionary styling in specific so because of the close proximity to the Ahlul Kitab. In the Jews, they thought that maybe that's the only way you should be having intimacy and the people of burqa they were more diverse. So when the people have migrated to Medina and whether muhajir Sahabi. married in and sorry lady from Medina, she said no, no, you if you want to be intimate with me, you can only do it in this way. And it is also the what is mentioned in the narration that this is also one of the reasons which prompted the revelations.

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Have the cell

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that your women folk are your age and you may enter as you are comfortable. So another background in context to the verse that you are more than welcome to experiment and try and use any position as long as your partner is comfortable with it. And secondly, it is not to do with anal sex.

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As far as anal sex is concerned, this stern warning in the Hadith stern warning, and this is not even mentioned indirectly it is mentioned directly by the Prophet salallahu alaihe Salam malonate moneta imbricata houfy dubara curse is that person who enters his wife from the rear passage curse,

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a person should second thing what is the meaning of curse? What is the meaning of the curse of a lie in your life.

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So, there is as far as actual plays concerned, we should try and keep these methods in mind.

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Moving on

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talking about

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after play.

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The first thing that we must understand is that

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intimacy does not end with your sexual encounter.

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It stretches beyond that also,

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if you after having fulfill your need, you just turn around in your sleep. Just think how your wife would feel.

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So, I've just got enough to satisfy your needs now, and the need is finished, you sleep in that side.

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It doesn't even ask anything.

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And I made simple and I get so tired. so sleepy,

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like quality and the serenity. You don't experience any other time of the day.

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I can't help with mother. So a lady is very sensitive to this very sensitive, she feels that you're using her that you just fulfill your need. You hopped on and you're done and you're gone. And women are very emotional disregard you see for men is totally different. A man does not do it deliberately. So different methods just that he falls asleep. He needs to be more active for a few minutes after that. Talk about something, discuss something, talk to her make her feel nice, don't make her feel used. Because that's when you create boundaries that drift between the two of us.

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We're so close. We're so intimate. Now she's not talking. So you have to understand the silent language also, show respect, show regard, be affectionate with your partner even post the intimate period. So four plays important actual plays important but after the intimate encounter, it is also important that you continue with the affectionate behavior and the generosity that in fact, if you are able to display kindness and affection, behavior after the intimate encounter, it could lead to more pleasurable unions afterwards. Mashallah. The second thing is that cleanliness and purification

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I shall be allowed on how you say that an eschewed woman

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is that lady who keeps a piece of cloth by her side when having relations with her husband, and after completing the actual encounter, she offers this piece of cloth to the husband to wipe himself and she also wipes herself.

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Look how beautiful our deal is, we get every teaching from the top Mashallah is a gray area. So I shadowed the low tide and I used to say, a sign of an intelligent woman is that she keeps a piece of cloth by her. When the man is finished, she offers the cloth to him and they can both wipe themselves with it. And Oliver also right that it is recommended is not necessary. It's recommended that a lady keeps or men keeps a special sheet when they are planning to get intimate with one another. And this makes sense because you don't want stains on the actual sheet because that could make your clothes now part especially if it's still damp or even still wet. Cleanliness very

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important.

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As far as huset is concerned.

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The Sahabi came to the to eyeshadow to multilane her and he asked her that oh, we need what was the habit of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam after having an intimate encounter with his path.

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And so I shared with you a long time and he replied

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that at times, he would make wasn't immediately an attempt

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He would just sleep like that. So he was very happy. He said, we'll have dinner in the Jonathan Martin, all praises are due to a law who has kept flexibility in the matter. So some people, they extremely conscious, they can't stay in a park, they must make muscle immediately. It's fine if they want to do that. And there are those people who prefer to make muscle one time in the morning before fudger.

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There are three things to keep in mind.

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The one is the ideal ideal is to make muscle immediately.

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If you can't make yourself then the second one is to make

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say that Alberto Hurtado de la de la who asked see Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that only be of a la sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. At night, I have relations with my wife, what should I do? So that'll be a fun lesson a lot Holly, you send them advise them saying, oh, Todd, make we do watch your private part, and you can go to sleep.

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So that's option number two. Option number three is

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the bare minimum is that you just wash yourself. So you're not making wholesale, you're not making Hulu. But the third thing is this washing yourself, the private parts and then you carry on with your sleep for the night. That's also fine. There is no harm in that it's also permissible for a person to do so. However, if a person is eating he wants to eat or he wants to drink, then it's important that he washes itself before partaking of anything in terms of food.

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Moving on further, the question that many people asked one other I just made

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and after making hosel

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there was a drop or two, after Walker shower Do I need to repeat my wizard. So the rule is as long as you

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you took the precaution before making the whistle, for example, you went to relieve yourself you did pass water, whatever it is, and then you went to shower. So you took your precaution on your side. Now after that, whatever comes out, then you can't help it. You just repeat your will do you don't repeat yourself. Very important muscle a lot of people they will make muscle again. And

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again, you don't have to do that. You take your precaution, the first time around after that, if there is anything that you don't have to worry you just repeating what you do, the same would apply for the lady.

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As far as wizard is concerned, let me also explain

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who cell becomes wajib either called

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the minute the husband's private part enters the wife's private partner who said his wife Jeep is necessarily immaterial whether there's a ejaculation that follows after that or not. It's important to keep that masala also in mind. It's also highly encouraged, that the person passes you read minimum before going to bed because whatever is in this passage will come out and from a medical perspective is also good and healthy. The question that people ask successive rounds during the night What is the masala is fine, you can make one whistle for all of them. In fact, there's a Hadith of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, and then the BSL Allahu alayhi Salaam Khanna yaku for

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Allah Nisa he be hustling while hiding.

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Occasionally then a via for loss of knowledge would make only one person after having shaved the beard with all of his wives, obviously not at the same time, one after the other in their own private, respective dwelling. One person asked what if the Muslim is what if a person has more than one one wife? Well, the rule is you can only be intimate with one wife at a time you can be intimate with both wives at the same time. It brings us to the end of our series Alhamdulillah It has been a fascinating one and a very educational one. We make dua to Allah subhanaw taala accept from us all and educate us in the light of the Sharia and allow us to bring every aspect of our life according

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to the Sunnah. May Allah subhanaw taala bless us all.