Fatima Barkatulla – My Parents Rejected A GOOD MAN

Fatima Barkatulla
AI: Summary © The speaker advises parents to avoid making it hard on their children to get married, as it would be their responsibility to help their children find a good partner. They also suggest bringing parents on side to try to convince their parents to get married, and to try their best to keep families together. The speaker emphasizes the importance of finding a solution for parents who may regret their decision and find a better partner.
AI: Transcript ©
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My parents rejected proposals from a good man without any shadow, a legitimate reason. They did it before as well. But this time, I really liked the brother. And he liked me as well. But my parents still refused. It was not a haram relationship. My Willie was on board from the get go, would it be okay? If I get married without my Wali? Since they don't like almost anybody for me. And in this case, there is no valid reason for my parents rejecting the marriage with that brother, his parents are divorced. And my parents think

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that, you know, what are people going to say? He's a pious person who talked with me with the permission of my father. And we found a good compatibility.

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Okay, this is an interesting question. And it's very sad, actually, that. So first of all, I would say to parents out there, you know, don't make marriage hard. Don't make it hard. When a good person comes to you, a person of good character, you know, marry them to your daughter, if your daughter is happy.

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Call us. You know, make it easy. Make it easy. Don't make this don't make it so difficult that girls are having to ask questions like this upon Allah. You know, no girl wants to go against her father, oh, girl wants to go against her Willy. But she would only ask a question like this, if she feels desperate, if she has a need to get married. And that's another thing parents don't seem to understand. You know, your daughter, when she becomes an adult, she has certain needs, she wants to get married. She has desires. I know that we don't like looking at our daughters and thinking of them as though they've grown up. But actually they have. And so now it is not your job to prevent

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her from getting married, it's your job to facilitate and help her to get married. And if we don't do this brothers and sisters, then haram relationships will become the norm. Family breakups will become the norm because girls will feel that they have to basically move away from their own families. So my first message is to the parents out there, you know, don't do this, make it easy for your children to get married. It's their life at the end of the day. Right. But to the sister, I would say, a dear sister, I understand and I feel your predicament. However, I would not advise you to go against your father's will in this case, at least not initially. Right. And it should be only

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a last resort. You know, if if a person for example is going to fall into haram, they've tried everything. They should then go to a Sharia Council, go and consult a scholar properly and ask the scholar to come to help them find a solution. Right? And the scholar might say, Okay, this is unreasonable. And so then the scholar might act as a family for that person. Okay. But that's an extreme end result, right? That's only if everything else has been tried. And there's a very difficult situation. I don't think that's been done yet. So what you really need to do is try to bring your parents on side. Okay, try as much as you can, through pleading with them, having, you

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know, dialogue with them, maybe even bringing mediators in. To have a dialogue with your parents.

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Try to see things from your parents perspective as well. Is there some validity in the reasoning that they're giving, you know, maybe sometimes we can be very short sighted, and our parents can sometimes see things see dangerous maybe, that we can't see. So please bear all of that in mind. And I don't advise you at all to go against your father. I know of sisters when they have done this, okay, when they've tried to get married without their Willie involved, okay.

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They end up estranged from their families. And then they end up in an even worse situation because now they don't have the backup of especially the male members of their family, the left to this husbands, you know, their relationship with this husband who at the end of the day, they don't really know very well, okay. And so, and then they regret it, especially when they have children, that their parents are estranged from them. We don't want to go down that route. You know, we want to try our best to keep families together. Your father has a great role in your life. You know, he's done a lot for you.

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All your life. So please don't take this step especially at this stage. Please try your best to plead with your father and have a good relationship with him. And I hope in sha Allah Allah subhanaw taala helps you to find a solution and helps you to find a pious spouse that your family and you are happy with.

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