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190 – Without these two ingredients there is no marriage

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Faaik Gamieldien

Channel: Faaik Gamieldien

Episode Notes

190 Without these two ingredients there is no marriage, 3 November 2017

Episode Transcript

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100 Elijah from Idaho understanding on askew and we'll be here for a while now the biller have been chewed and fujinami Malina, Maria de la de la fecha de la when a Chateau La ilaha illallah wa salli ala Muhammad Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallahu alayhi wa early he was heavy woman da vida de la mattina my god beloved brothers and sisters in Islam assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa Taala market allows for handleless fixtures inshallah, to Merida which is the fifth surah verse one the first verse of subtle neither Allah says yeah, you are letting a man who Ofu below food, yo Latina hermano, Ofu below food.

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About the surah

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say the Ayesha de la langue once asked Jubail, she called him and she said

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did you memorize to rattle neither? So he said yes, he memorized from either. See, the Ayesha says this was the last tour of the agency revealed to the nebby salatu salam so everything in the surah that is permissible you should practice every in this surah is not permissible you should leave. She was saying that this is the final comment of allows pantalla on permissibility impermissibility of whatever we do in this journey that is Surah Al night and starts with yo la Vina hermano oh you people who believe

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and

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say Dharma is to say when allows for honkala reveal a verse of the NaVi saucer lump starting with the words Yeah, he will levena amanu Oh, you people who believe there's a habit all set up straight

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and look directly to the face of the notice of solemn because they realized what was going to come next was going to be an express order of command or express for the free vision from allows pinata. Allah dresses to believe is directly to allow Salah dresses the believers directly What does Allah say, oh, food bill or food,

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fulfill all your obligations, fulfill all your obligations, whether these obligations are obligations imposed by you by self

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obligations imposed by your society. And most importantly, obligations imposed upon you by Allah was Hannah who attack

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and we know what those obligations are. So alcohol lays

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very important emphasis on the question of fulfilling our obligations and fulfilling our contracts that we make with one another. And of course, the great contract we made with allows Pilate Allah, when Allah subhanaw taala took us all from the spine of the atom, and made us stand in rows and asked us who is your Lord?

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And we said and we committed

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to the fact that Allah buena allows pantalla is our load

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insurer to room.

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Room, of course refers to Rome,

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more generally refers to the west.

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But it's euro to Rome.

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from verse 20, to 26.

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All the verses you know, to Rome, this is the middle of shorter Rome. All the verses from verse 2226 begins in exactly the same words.

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What are those words? What mean Tiki six verses all starting with the same words who I mean it and of the signs of Allah

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of the signs of Allah now we know the sun is a sign of a lot creation, the moon, the mountains, us.

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My daughter was saying the other day sent me a message to say that, you know, children are now doing their homework.

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What's the word? on the internet? We do their work and then they just send it off to the teacher

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online

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and she says she's amazed you know, at the development I think we all are amazed at the development of, of children.

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We can't keep up with our children. I mean, let's face it. I can't keep up with my four year old grandchildren, five year old grandchildren. And then seven possible to I amazed

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noted the things that they say, you know, which I was visiting my center in open Malanga last week, three weeks ago, and he's got a four year old asthma.

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So the father at both places, Carly bought another car, he said to me,

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take the car for a drive and I must take all the children with me.

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So I put them all in the car now driving with them. My foot, let me see what the action is going to be. So I said, you know, this car belongs to your father.

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And your father is my son. And everything the Sharia says it belongs to my son belongs to me, Emma Stone, because they may the Buddha's new theory is the new car, the Daddys new car in a grandpa chronometer schema.

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So I said, I am going to take this car back to Cape Town with me.

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I'm going to take this car because I really liked this car. And I want this car for myself. So it's

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not gonna be very serious, but I'm really serious. So after a few, maybe off a minute or so the little under the four year old, there's a 13 year old and there's a 10 year old

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mother, eight year old, four year old.

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So she says she's a spa.

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But you're not going to live very long Stallone

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coming from the city, what do you mean? How long are you going to keep this car? What are you going to do with

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my dad he needs the car more than what do you need the car.

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So what I'm saying is, yes, we live in a society in in a world where

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we see the great signs of a lousy patnitop and I say to my daughter, you know,

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if you are amazed at the progress that children are making in the world, in which they live and the things that they know, then it all comes from a small little bundle, it is stuck in your skull. That if you should take it out and squeeze it and they'll just squeeze like you know, you know, like, like a sponge, you know, everything will fall on. That's where all this comes from. Allah Allah created that and and aligns fire that to do all the things that we do. So our Subhan Allah, glory and amazement should be at the awesomeness of Allah.

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Allah Allah is really awesome, created the small man with a small brain and he just conquers the world. Hard Allah. So Allah to Allah says when, when warming it up, he signs. The first of the six verses, deals with the creation of the heavens and the earth. So in the first verse, Allah says, and all the signs is the idea created the heavens in the earth. Now we would think that the creation of the heavens and the earth would be the Mikey's creation of our laws, to create the galaxies in the Sun and the Moon and the Earth and the ecosystem and sin brain and send the sun and everything works like a clock. Everything works like five milliseconds. If anything is up by a millisecond, nothing

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will crash.

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In the second verse a lot farther now that is the big creation that is the major creation. Then Allah says, women woman, yet he and Holla Holla comb, mean unfussy comb as words and

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then Allah says, the second verse is an English should be in order of greatness, what is the second greatest thing without created policies, and all the signs that he that he created for you,

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mates from amongst you from from yourselves, who is he created for you wise from yourself, from the same substance may be

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like you human like you.

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So Allah, Allah, as uplifted the women to the point where they are considered to be of the signs of Allah, of the Ayat of Allah. And we know the Quran consists of more than 6000 is in every one of them is a miracle from allows for Allah.

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So Allah, Allah says then that all he sides like I have the Quran in the office, the rune se tells us that if we want to understand the ayat of the Quran, we should look at the outside the to understand the

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tool cone to find

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the signs that we see in the universe explains to us that we can only understand and admire the Koran. If we understand the world in which we love our children. For example,

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The progress that we made in life service and so on all the technology that we have all these things point to the greatness in the Ayat of Allah subhanahu wa.

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So

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why is that, sir?

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Why it allows one to elevate women to that level.

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And it's very simple to understand

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that

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it is a woman that has given birth to the highest creation of allows

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all the ambia was given birth to by a woman,

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rehabbed by women.

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That's always say, you know that,

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that, and I've said this before, and I want to say it again, and maybe again and again and again. That the advice that we give to our children when they get married.

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When

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the father talks to his son, he will say to his son, very simply what his father said to him, and his father said to him, before him, and so that is that you have to do three things, my son, you have to provide a roof over the head of my of your wife, you have to

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keep her food. And you can give a one race in one place in winter. But of course, we give the card so they buy a dress every day. But be that as it may. That is the advice we give advice we give to the husband, what is the advice we give to our daughters.

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We give advice to our daughters, not out of love for our daughters, but out of fear

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for where they may be going into.

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So we put this fear in our daughters of this thing about McCain

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and then we looked at her and we don't smile we say

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oh, you

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Subbu

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Dr. McCann dignitary she's Dougan again to America. The strange man. Father was supposed to be our greatest support to change things to her that she's gonna say she's the man she's the woman. He What does he tell her? Oh my darling. You know, I love you so much. But remember, now you're gonna go to another home you know, Miss Keep quiet.

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Have a lot of patience. And when the poor husband meets the same girl, as his wife?

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What does he find? There's no patience. His wife has no patience.

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Why am I wrong?

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You look at pieces of sushi.

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Not be maybe you've read the problem that I.

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So

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she cries when she wants to cry. she shouts when she wants to shout.

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You hear language you've never heard in your own owns analyze before.

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And you ask yourself but you know, then the mother tell you the new Monica Lewinsky. Why didn't your mother tell you that you must have patience? Yes. But that is that is not what Allah tells us.

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Allah says we might mean a T and Holla Holla comin and fusi come as word and detest kulu illa.

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Allah given the wives only one responsibility and one task to fulfill.

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And that task is to provide comfort, love and affection for us. But nothing less, nothing more. The patience that the woman has is not for you. Sorry, man. The patients that our wives have is for the child children. They have tons of patients with children. We have zero patients with children. There are exceptions. I know there are exceptions.

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So allows was not given the wife to have patience with you. Like I said, No patients with a profit motive is otherwise. That is an explicit example of how

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the personality of a woman created her like that. And one young man came to ask me the other day, he said check me for it by a strength.

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I have a very stubborn wife.

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What is what do you advise me?

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What is your advice to me? I said a long time I said I was married shortly. I'm not too long. But you know, I was a stubborn man.

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So I looked at him. I smiled I say to him, it's a very good thing.

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For your wife to be stubborn, is an excellent character trait but not for now.

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You have

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To suffer now.

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But that seven is in that wife will be the best kind of ingredient that a mother must have for her children. So she will make an excellent mother.

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So he looked at me, and he just said, Thank you. And then three weeks later, I got

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a message from him a message he said, Well, life chef, you know, that's so true. That's very true. You can see it in my mother. My father also said, My mother was very stubborn. But we were very good children. Because our mother was very stubborn with us. She took out all our cabinets on us. So allows for him to Latina created this

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partner

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whom he calls an IRA, aside from himself, for this purpose.

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They now allow for Angela talks about the relationship between these two people, your wife and yourself.

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Why janela kujala benaco.

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My wife for asthma, and allows you to handle it says

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the psychological ingredients that is given both of you equally.

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To make this relationship work are two elements which you must have.

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You must love one another.

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And you must have patience with one another, meaning mercy with one another.

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Back then Edie Salam says, if a husband looks at his wife, with mercy, Allah looks at him with his mercy, and vice versa.

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So

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requirement is love,

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and mercy.

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And we know that if either one of these qualities are not present in the marriage, it's a very, very rocky matter. Because nobody wants to give in to each other.

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And

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the word love is not used in such a home.

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never hear the husband said his wife, I love you, darling. Oh, sweetheart, oh.

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The wife also says because why they Why don't they say because our fathers and mothers never told each other, that they love each other, but they really loved each other. So why do you want me to say I love you, when you know I love you, etc, etc, etc. Now,

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if we look at

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so these are the essential ingredients

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that is conveyed to that is conveyed to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salatu salam. So the name is understood, he understood

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that this is what allows one a place this is what makes a marriage, love and mercy. If there is no mercy, or there is no love, there is no marriage.

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Allah says

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please me too, two things that must be in an m can be called tau screaming on the car can be gone. The beauty can be gone, everything can be gone. But if love is there, and mercy is there, everything is there.

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So when I read the history of the Narcissus, Allah

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alayhi salatu salam. And I read about how he dealt with women who came to complain to him about their husbands. And by the way, our husbands also came to complain about their wives to the Navy. So

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Alyssa,

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I was always amazed

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at the fact that

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in 99%, of the cases that they handled,

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there was no counselling involved.

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I just wondered why, you know, we have karate bring somebody from us, as somebody from your side with him, try and work it out.

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But in most of the women that came to see the Narcissus analysis and didn't say, Well,

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come back.

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In two weeks time, we'll talk about this.

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Send your husband and we'll talk about that most of the time than having to

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call the husband.

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For example, in this one case, the woman came and said,

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I want to I want to have a talak.

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So why do you want to collect your husband? Why you want to ask your husband?

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He said he's a very good man. He prays five times a day in the masjid with me in Jamaat he fought the battle of butter.

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Excellent person is men of gender. Why? Why don't you want to be married to

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She says when he comes out of the masjid and he comes down the road is the smallest and the darkest of all the jemar to come standard.

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That was the

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explanation.

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Now, this wasn't it to me, are you? I mean, I would have laughed at Tommy's element. I mean, you being very Selena.

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But the Navy is a threat to everything seriously, which we don't sometimes have children come to us. And we dismiss we are dismissive from what they say. That should never be, no matter how silly It may sound. If your child comes to you with a complaint, don't dismiss it can be dismissive of it. Say maybe I'll think about it.

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And now, I'll tell you what I think about it. So in this woman said to the NASA Salaam, those words he said, when I look at him, he's a smaller as 10 is the darkest of all the men who come out of the masjid. The Prophet realized that despite his goodness, she didn't love him anymore. This nimbala

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goes when Islam a woman will say techni swasta Monica, Monica is barely for

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women.

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But goodness here was something else was good man.

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So the Prophet called the husband.

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There was the Prophet knew there was nothing he could tell us when to change about himself,

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is in itself couldn't tell him to become light skinned. He couldn't tell him to grow taller.

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So both the things that the woman said to him, even as an AVI could do nothing about but he realized that what happened here was that this woman would never have come if there was loving the man is no more loving. So what is the province of the property team? This is your wife.

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She wants you to give her a talaq.

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What did you give to her when you married her as a mattress down? So you say they are a soul I gave her a garden, which means he was really he was

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he really loved giving a you know, gardens in Medina that time was like giving Kruger and Simmons scape. So the problem said to her give back his garden

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and the marriage will be broken.

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So what does it tell us?

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About Love in marriage. And I know love has become just another four letter word.

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But a lot of other mentions is word in the Quran is a very important part of marriage.

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And so

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when we talk to people about who come to talk about divorce with our children with is strange with else, we need to decide whether the elements which Allah has placed in the marriage, and they just do we have to ask questions to find out. Is this a love in the marriage? Is it a mercy in the marriage? If any one of these two are absent, then you know,

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this is the time for these two people to depart. So

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when allowed to hire new talent, and that's why everything must be

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taken to the court.

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The court

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provides all these simple and necessary answers for all the questions that we may have.

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And allows us to handle it

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that

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the contract

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the Nita

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that we make with our wives are meetha Elisa, Allah uses a very heavy word for this contract. Allah says it is a it is a it's a solemn contract.

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It's a contract of substance of meaning of responsibility

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of the utmost of respect.

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And I want to quote you something which some English playwright playwright had quoted to sell to Rico to where this man says, He says,

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There are so women who are foolish

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enough

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to think that they are equal to men.

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Women must realize

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They are far superior to men.

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Let me give some answers. He says, Why the woman, far superior to a man.

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He says she marries the man. And she gives birth to all the children.

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Number two, he buys the groceries. And when the groceries is done, the food is on the table. So

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when he smiles at her,

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she gives him his heart.

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What trust comes into it? I'm not saying I agree with this man. I'm not saying that. Yes, women are 100 times superior. There's no superiority and inferiority in Islam allows Allah created us all equal, and with equal responsibility to worship Allah who was subhanho wa Taala.

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The last words of the nivetha Allah how to sell. And I'm giving this talk because we in the marriage season.

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So maybe it's important for us to share some of our

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experiences in life.

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So when you call your daughter and you say Mike, my girl,

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you are the queen of your house.

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But in a movie is a king, but you are the queen, the queen of the house.

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And you have a responsibility not to pay half the bond. That's not your responsibility.

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That is what modern the modern economic system is placed upon the shoulders of algos.

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That we marry someone, this from the boy side, who we know will be able to pay off the bond, because we want to live in a three and a half billion dollar house.

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Tonight, half million is only two bedrooms.

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So if I don't marry somebody who's got a degree like I have, I won't be able to afford it.

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So we started on a footing way dissolving of love. And Mercy is substituted.

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My money

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and a facade of life that is not true.

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We live lives that the outside is painted in the inside needs a new kitchen sink. So will we drive cars that is worth a million man. But really, we know we can't afford it. But it's all about the look. Now you've seen the houses today, what they do today, they just do the front.

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If he walked down the sides of the house, you wouldn't give three cents for the house.

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Because the windows are all rusting away, and has not been painted since it was both. But if you drive past 1000 at the front, because that's how we live today. All of us. It's all about what it looks like from the outside. Not the love that it should be on the inside reminds me of say no see, you know say no see the great Turkish scholar.

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He was a child prodigy memorize the Quran from at four or five years old.

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And he was an excellent student. And his teacher admired him in the classroom and his teacher

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always wanted to know but what kind of a home does this child come from? Such a respectful, beautiful child was such a good memory and so committed to the deen. So one day he went to the village to meet the parents of the child. And I told the story before

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and he came in the mother was at home and said no she was there. They were called by the German. Some of you revives the times at the name it was given to him.

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So the teacher said I'm the teacher of your son.

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Tommy, this is the these are his qualities.

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How did you raise this boy?

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What kind of

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what did you feed him? What did you give him?

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And he could see that. There were very poor poor people.

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And she says well I can't speak to you down. You will have to come back because my husband is not here.

00:29:47--> 00:29:57

My husband comes home at such and such a time. So when he his father, with my husband comes home and says such and such a time, you can come and you can talk to his father.

00:29:59--> 00:29:59

So the teacher can

00:30:00--> 00:30:06

Back at that time and the father was coming with a car with his car here, only one cow. And around the

00:30:07--> 00:30:14

What do you call this as the cow, the the snout of the cow, he had tied a rope, there was a rope tied around the start of the car.

00:30:15--> 00:30:32

So the teacher asked, the father said no super wide tire open on the spot of the cow, he said, because I must take my car very far to graze. And where I'm grazing way I'm walking towards the grazing field, I have to pass through the farms of other farmers.

00:30:34--> 00:30:45

And I don't want him to eat a grain of grass from those from the land of those farmers. Similarly, when I come back, I also put a rope around this, so you can't eat from the grass or orchards or whatever.

00:30:47--> 00:30:49

So this teacher was amazed at this.

00:30:50--> 00:31:02

And he said, Your, your wife said I could come back and ask her also. She said she told him she said when Emma I used to feed him my breast feeding. She says before I breastfed my children, I was like,

00:31:04--> 00:31:12

every time I said this with my children to take hold, and I to ask allows for how to make the good children.

00:31:13--> 00:31:16

Make them obedient slaves of Allah was fun.

00:31:17--> 00:31:24

So that is the kind of home that is nurtured in an atmosphere of love and mercy,

00:31:26--> 00:31:35

we can then concentrate on our greatest responsibility as parents and that is to read them as good Muslims. Today, we have no time for child.

00:31:38--> 00:31:39

Parents have no time for the child.

00:31:41--> 00:31:45

I look at my children, look at my granddad see

00:31:46--> 00:31:48

they all over the place.

00:31:52--> 00:31:57

But that's just the kind of world that we live in. And we need to become aware of this, we need to change this.

00:32:01--> 00:32:03

I want to say something about

00:32:05--> 00:32:07

the kinds of social relationships

00:32:08--> 00:32:10

that we have today.

00:32:12--> 00:32:14

The kind of social relationships

00:32:17--> 00:32:21

that we have, as married young people.

00:32:24--> 00:32:28

The kind of very permissive social relations we have.

00:32:31--> 00:32:44

There I think impacts very negatively upon the marriages, our managers and the managers of our children, and particularly the marriage of our young, married children.

00:32:46--> 00:32:49

Now we know that marriage is all about trust.

00:32:52--> 00:32:56

Your relationship with Allah is all about trust. Well, Maria tawakkol, Allah Allah.

00:32:58--> 00:33:02

Allah says he knew put his trust in Allah, Allah is in Africa.

00:33:03--> 00:33:07

So maybe we put our trust in our wives and the Buddha Trust has to be enough for us.

00:33:15--> 00:33:15

Today,

00:33:18--> 00:33:20

entering into marriage

00:33:21--> 00:33:24

is one of the things which trouble

00:33:25--> 00:33:26

fathers and mothers,

00:33:27--> 00:33:29

who my child gonna marry.

00:33:31--> 00:33:32

My child is such and such a child.

00:33:34--> 00:33:43

And our children are always the good in the bed, children, other people's children, not the not so good. So what that's all you're worried about the other people, children, my child is gonna get married.

00:33:47--> 00:33:49

And one of the things that we do as parents

00:33:52--> 00:33:56

and has become this marriage thing is become like a, like a major sale.

00:33:57--> 00:33:59

You know, when you go to buy a car,

00:34:01--> 00:34:09

and it's one of the top class cars, and you're gonna pay a lot of money for this car, but is a secondhand car, the car been around for a couple of years.

00:34:11--> 00:34:15

So you go to the salesman, and if you ask the salesman, you know,

00:34:16--> 00:34:18

is this car gearbox been

00:34:20--> 00:34:31

giving trouble? What are the problems with this car? You know, Satan will say, Look into himself, you probably say, you're asking very difficult questions. Maybe you should just leave in, you know, go buy a car somewhere else.

00:34:32--> 00:34:44

And I think the same goes with when we choose marriage partners, it's always this hiding things like I hear a lot, you know, after the marriage, after people get married, and something happens, then.

00:34:45--> 00:34:46

Without exception,

00:34:48--> 00:34:49

the parties will say,

00:34:50--> 00:34:53

but you know, we never knew he was like that.

00:34:54--> 00:34:59

We never knew she was like that. What we know of her and what we know of our family.

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

And what we know is was perfect

00:35:03--> 00:35:12

and the they will say but the boy whatever we knew about him you know Marshall I came here and he was to go to the masjid for Salah even grow small beard you know

00:35:15--> 00:35:17

such a decent boy

00:35:18--> 00:35:22

and she was such a decent girl but now

00:35:23--> 00:35:36

things have just just gone wrong and this is a chance to do it no idea it was like this do is wonder why is it like that? Why is it that we many people who have no idea who they are

00:35:39--> 00:35:43

because the mobile outdoor sometimes you say they want to get married

00:35:45--> 00:35:58

there is no emphasis on who the guy is over the girlies it's now about when are you going to get married? In which one are you going to get married? Are the invitations coming from Pakistan from India or from Dubai?

00:36:07--> 00:36:08

And what we have is

00:36:10--> 00:36:11

that's why they I know

00:36:13--> 00:36:16

that I'm saying say the eye of love cannot see

00:36:18--> 00:36:26

die of love cannot see sometimes we parents also in love with our future daughter in our future son in law who is such a great guy.

00:36:28--> 00:36:33

And yet when we look at the history of the nerissa law salamanders harbor we find that it was always

00:36:36--> 00:36:37

and it's difficult today I know

00:36:39--> 00:36:44

but we need to be more proactive in finding out really who the person is.

00:36:46--> 00:36:54

You can't just accept things on face value like buying a car. No, we need to ask questions we need to know

00:36:56--> 00:36:57

and

00:36:58--> 00:37:01

the reality always comes sometimes too late

00:37:04--> 00:37:09

It's like this couple of good men and this is a joke of course couple got married Mashallah.

00:37:13--> 00:37:14

And they went to Mauritius for the honeymoon

00:37:16--> 00:37:19

you know this mother is one of those helicopter mothers

00:37:21--> 00:37:22

so

00:37:24--> 00:37:37

favorite daughter is nine Mauritius she can't see. So the daughter was told you know you WhatsApp phone every single night team has WhatsApp only I want to know you know word for word.

00:37:38--> 00:38:04

So Mashallah, you know, they they for two weeks after three four days every morning every day the daughter says Mashallah, mommy you know how and we are great time you know, it's such a nice boy it's such a nice Ashbourne you know, tetra tetra. We seem to have been made for each other, you know, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So then one born one night she phoned, and she cries to a mother on the phone. She's crying, she's crying.

00:38:06--> 00:38:20

I said, my darling, what's wrong? What happened? Yeah, she says, you know, he shouted me. She's What do you mean? He shouted. Yeah, use four letter words when he shouted me. I said what users fall into is

00:38:21--> 00:38:40

really? She says, Yes, I can't take it anymore. Okay. I think I'll tell you, your father, he must have seen the water ticket for you must come home. So they come home. Now they have a family gathering. And she's sitting in the mother says, Yes. You told me on the phone and he do use four letter words when you speak to my daughter.

00:38:42--> 00:38:44

When a shock This is

00:38:49--> 00:38:55

what she says. Yeah, you say I am and sweet. And cook.

00:39:00--> 00:39:01

And that wasn't part of the bargain.

00:39:03--> 00:39:07

So even dangerous. Ask your future wife. Can you do you want to cook? Is it okay?

00:39:09--> 00:39:26

Is it okay? If I ask you to iron my [???]? And you love but many of them can't iron or cook or do anything. Because in their homes, they were maids who did everything? Everything. And I mean everything.

00:39:28--> 00:39:31

So that is part of also

00:39:32--> 00:39:35

knowing who you're getting married to.

00:39:36--> 00:39:40

And then remember this one couple came in.

00:39:42--> 00:39:48

They were married. And they went out for the first time. And they were sitting in the restaurant, and the husband has a beer.

00:39:50--> 00:39:59

And the girl says the word says but choose me. What he says about what's wrong. Why Why is the shot

00:40:01--> 00:40:07

What's up just a beer you know given making drunk, how Lola it shows then

00:40:09--> 00:40:10

I important

00:40:12--> 00:40:13

for the elders

00:40:15--> 00:40:24

in families to play a more direct role, not in choice, but in finding out who the other parties from both sides.

00:40:26--> 00:40:34

So I was going to talk to you about the permissive social relations that I noticed amongst young married couple.

00:40:38--> 00:40:41

Now we know that the standards of hyah of shame

00:40:43--> 00:40:43

is very low.

00:40:45--> 00:40:46

People don't

00:40:47--> 00:40:50

drop the gauge anymore when they speak to a central man.

00:40:51--> 00:40:58

Man would walk with his wife and in the bar and his wife, he is it every way except with his wife

00:41:00--> 00:41:00

hyah

00:41:04--> 00:41:06

but one of the things that concerns me is that

00:41:07--> 00:41:11

today young couples are friends with our friends with other young couples.

00:41:15--> 00:41:20

So they go for lunches, suppers they even go for weekends out together.

00:41:22--> 00:41:23

And what happens is that

00:41:24--> 00:41:26

your friend's wife

00:41:27--> 00:41:36

seems to think that because you are friends, she can wear the same clothes always in our own house in front of our own husband in front of you as well.

00:41:39--> 00:41:45

This is an extremely dangerous situation to be. My stranger is a stranger.

00:41:46--> 00:41:50

That's why alfombra says in Surah Noor and surah no deals worth

00:41:51--> 00:41:58

marriage and relationships of husband and wives and relationship of children with parents who are to know

00:42:00--> 00:42:06

and in order to know allows for having other things like that hulu.com Tata

00:42:09--> 00:42:29

do not enter homes which are not your own homes until you have given them time to prepare for your entry into their home. What does it mean? allows one thing if a strange man comes into your home, even if he's been your friends and the day you were born, he is a stranger to your wife.

00:42:30--> 00:42:42

So he should give you time for you this afternoon Sam coming to visit us so that you can tell you why you must have your scarf when you must dress so that none of your body parts show out. Your mind being covered.

00:42:43--> 00:42:51

What do you see today? The world walks around in a very tight jeans calco and eternus Amazon everybody is looking at each other's wives.

00:42:53--> 00:42:56

So you can imagine what happens when they go on holiday together.

00:42:58--> 00:43:02

And lots of problems complex not product caranas handled Hannah law

00:43:04--> 00:43:09

there is no such thing as what is says nature's my sister, call me My darling.

00:43:15--> 00:43:16

Hyah

00:43:17--> 00:43:27

even when your friend should come comes into your house and speaks to your wife and you should look down and you should not speak to your wife unless in your presence. There is no such thing.

00:43:28--> 00:43:31

Hi, Brian, Rebecca, Rosanna is Alina and in

00:43:33--> 00:43:34

a conversation with Jana.

00:43:35--> 00:43:36

And you think this is normal?

00:43:38--> 00:43:41

Using this is normal Tom completely

00:43:42--> 00:43:43

shouldn't be

00:43:44--> 00:43:48

the shape Tom disturbs relationship because of this kind of behavior.

00:43:50--> 00:43:50

So

00:43:55--> 00:44:08

in fact, in Surah, two new allows for haruta law tells us that you should tell our own children there are times that Allah says your children should not be allowed to come into your bedroom.

00:44:10--> 00:44:17

You should teach your children that there are three times during the day when they should ask permission to come into your bedroom.

00:44:19--> 00:44:25

Your own children in your own house. You are the mother and the father. But Allah says before

00:44:26--> 00:44:32

they should knock on the door and they should ask permission to come in. You should teach your children at from smoke

00:44:33--> 00:44:34

after the horse.

00:44:35--> 00:44:37

When people have the afternoon app.

00:44:39--> 00:44:59

You should teach your children they should not come into the bedroom. After Ayesha they should ask permission to come into the bedroom. These are instructions of etiquette for our own children. What about other people? Sometimes the you know the friend's wife would walk right through into the bedroom with others.

00:45:05--> 00:45:06

And we

00:45:07--> 00:45:18

think this is we think this is the normal This is become the new normal. There are normal boundaries, before you come into somebody's house, the boundaries, you stay in the lounge, you don't move

00:45:19--> 00:45:36

in, if you wanted to go to the toilet to go to the toilet, get out, don't go to my father Matata, you don't go and ask people to go to the toilet and other people's house, you do it in your own home, because you didn't know where to walk to get to the People's Party, the things you may see that you're not supposed to look at.

00:45:38--> 00:45:46

This is etiquette, this Islam, this is the beauty, you keep all your friends in you keep everybody you keep your wife awesome. So pardon Allah.

00:45:47--> 00:46:05

And finally, in order to know Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about mood, he talks about light knows the subject of Sora to know and what is the light that he speaks about, he talks about the light which is in the heart of every believer,

00:46:06--> 00:46:09

in that light is a light which becomes determined bright,

00:46:11--> 00:46:20

if we follow the rules of etiquette, which is very simple of social interaction, that how it should be allowed to brighten the light in our hearts.

00:46:21--> 00:46:23

And if we do not do that, that light dies.

00:46:27--> 00:46:30

Because these are matters to do with your home,

00:46:31--> 00:46:43

people can do whatever they want to do, but inside your home it should be rules and regulations, rules and regulation which allows you to have no talent later. So, if you have a daughter or a son is getting married,

00:46:46--> 00:46:51

or already married, your children, these are the things you should speak to them around your

00:46:52--> 00:46:54

table when you have meals with him

00:46:55--> 00:47:04

that hire this these are the etiquettes with friends, these are the etiquettes with your children, these are the etiquettes with visitors

00:47:05--> 00:47:15

so that we as a community unity can live by common rules that everybody understands for example, if a child asks you but No Why?

00:47:16--> 00:47:28

Why can't my child has come into my room? Because Allah says no, he stands on a throne a line like a timetable those are the forbidden times

00:47:29--> 00:47:32

and why should your friend not come because our laws follow the law says

00:47:35--> 00:47:43

the Muharram does not include people whom your wife can interact with freely does not include your the Friends of

00:47:44--> 00:47:46

the husbands of her friends

00:47:47--> 00:47:57

and vice versa. So we are allowed to handle inshallah guide us, all of us, for our children now allows handler

00:47:58--> 00:47:59

give that

00:48:01--> 00:48:01

we

00:48:03--> 00:48:08

grow, nurture and encourage love

00:48:10--> 00:48:14

and mercy in our homes is very important.

00:48:16--> 00:48:18

And for those who are struggling with us

00:48:20--> 00:48:23

remember the more you struggle the sweeter the outcome

00:48:25--> 00:48:27

the more effort you put into something

00:48:30--> 00:48:36

and it doesn't mean that you must not fight with your wife when she must in fact for you that's probably part of playing golf

00:48:37--> 00:48:39

that's part of

00:48:40--> 00:48:42

the effort you have to put in

00:48:47--> 00:48:49

and remember the grass is not greener on the other side.

00:48:51--> 00:48:52

So the world tells you

00:48:55--> 00:48:59

the big is what you have and to make the best of what you have

00:49:00--> 00:49:03

because what you have has been prescribed to you but allows

00:49:05--> 00:49:09

you didn't come by yourself sometimes you look at losing weight is even come from

00:49:12--> 00:49:13

how is it that I'm sitting with this

00:49:16--> 00:49:24

Allah gave it to you it would not have happened except by the world and the other and taqdeer allows

00:49:25--> 00:49:29

me to covenant of deterministic and what that something different

00:49:31--> 00:49:35

that that's also tough deal. But this is your topic

00:49:36--> 00:49:41

and I say this I mean I've got no I don't have time if so inshallah

00:49:42--> 00:49:49

we pray and hope that we all together in this we all one community will get married to each other. So we need to

00:49:51--> 00:49:59

to inspire one another and to spread the message inshallah goodness and the message of Allah Mr. Squad, Allah Allah Allah wa salam aleikum wa rahmatullah.

00:50:00--> 00:50:00

Good morning.