Channel: Edris Khamissa
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Assalamu alaikum My name is Mohammed Nora dilemma, and with me to discuss a few issues surrounding how we assist other people
is our brother Idris camisa. from South Africa, he is a consultant in human development and education, and has conducted training programs, workshops, all over the world that have the law, we're happy to have you with us.
Brother Idris, you have been very active and very successful in the job of being a source of comfort for people who are going through difficult times. And there are a lot of people who recognize this as one of the roles of God's prophets Prophet was described as a mercy to the worlds in your experience, when you come to try and lift people who are down to inspire people who are really feeling miserable about themselves or about their relationships, what guidelines would you give? What suggestions would you give to those of us who would like to help a system be a source of raw to others who are going through difficult times, in fact, Brother nurudeen,
I'm so glad you're talking about this. There are many individuals who feel a kind of helplessness, they've almost given up on life,
the lead very mechanical lives,
and the hope something happens something just suddenly from nowhere, something will happen.
And what I do when I listen to those individuals, as psychologists say, revealing is healing. And when they speak what's in their heart, it almost has a cathartic effect in purchase them, it cleanses them, sometimes they also might even cry become emotional, in a sense, but they feel much better than what I tried to do in my own way to dissect the problem. I tried to look at the root cause of it. If an individual tells me, I have lots of issues regarding my father, I do not know how to reach out to him.
Then I asked the individual, when last, did you tell your father that I love you? Or when last did you hug him innovatively in almost 100% of the cases, they will say to me, I cannot remember it was a long time ago.
And ask them what is holding you back.
They say nothing. But do it. Do it. Do it because you regret it if you don't.
That's a starting point. And in fact, what they will find is that when they do that, when they have their father, the father is often shocked, he cannot believe it. And he often gets emotionally himself. Now all of us are products of our home environment primarily.
And if he grew up in a home, when we never saw mom and dad hugging each other, at the time of an extended family, whether they did or did not, it did not have a profound negative impact impact. But the nuclear family, it is so significant that children feel the growing up in an atmosphere of love, that the mother and father are demonstrating that love and that affection. And when he does that to his father, it really takes the relationship to another level. The father is often separates. And in fact, when I am there with the Father and the Son, I tell them, I want both of you together. And I want both feet to hug each other. And you're gonna hug each other as long as I tell you and once
they're hugging each other, I want them initially there'll be a degree of restlessness, a sense of discomfort
and asked him to hold on
and there is a point in which they hold on and they are far more relax and innovatively. You find the father is emotional, and the son is emotional, that to take it to another level.
But when it comes to people's problems and issues, I always say to them,
what can you do differently? What should you do differently? How much of this issue is your area of judgment?
And I'd say to them, no experience is shooter. What did you learn from it?
How would you deal with it?
Sometimes I make them do the following. If someone tells me, I am so negative about that individual, when I meet when I see the individual, I want to avoid them. So the I affected by other people's inadequacies, so I tend them find the stimuli is the individual, your thought processes, impacts on your behavior, your behavior is negative, you move away, this time around, I want you to visualize him coming towards you. And I want you to smile,
smile at him. And then go to him and speak what's in your heart. You see a difference. And I recall, and I've done this, I've done this one individual, who was very, very intimidated by his father. And what I made him do, I simply imagine, I'm your father, a breast, me as your father. And immediately when I asked him to do that, they were beads of perspiration.
And he got very emotional. Say, Daddy, Daddy, I love you, Daddy. But why? You don't give me a chance daddy. And he went on for a little while. And I promise you after that, he felt so comfortable. In fact, with Allah blessing, I met his father, I never knew him a few days later. And the father said to me, in threes, Andrew, appreciate what you discuss my son.
But I find him to be a completely different individual, very positive, and everything else that goes with it. So sometimes there are some certain blockages. But an important and abiding thing is I give people hope. I say to people, it does not mean that you are here now. You'll be here tomorrow. It does not mean what you see is darkness. What you see is a tunnel. What we see is a journey that will never end. But I promise you without diminishing them. I say I listen to what you are saying. Yes, it is quite heavy on your heart.
his sentence which I can understand, but when I compare it, or the comparisons are odious, to other people's problems, it is nothing. But you need to deal with it, then I give them hope. I said I have no doubt in my mind. No doubt in my mind, that you're going to confront the issue. You're going to deal with the issue. And sometimes I tell them well maybe you need to start reading books on motivation, you perhaps need to, you know, look at the example of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him or the Sahaba listen to their stories, their trials and tribulations, then you realize that once you have purpose in your life, once you know everyday, this is my purpose, then you will not allow
things to detract from the purpose. Wonderful. So basically, you're saying first thing when somebody needs assistance is to listen to them fully, to hear what they have to say and that that itself is a source of healing, to empathize with them, to let them feel you understand how serious it is to help them with a way out and give them hope. Just like hello, hi and thank you very much brother, inshallah. Until next time, Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.