Daood Butt – Essential Fiqh Class – December 27, 2020

Daood Butt
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the rights of the wife and husband, emphasizing the need for general knowledge and avoiding harms in a positive way. They stress the importance of respect for men and women, privacy, and control over one's wealth. The speakers also emphasize the need for regular fasting and avoiding fraud. They encourage women to show gratitude and stay consistent in small ways to avoid embarrassment. The speakers also mention a study on criminal behavior and family events.
AI: Transcript ©
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somewhere to live he was sent me who I learned to be his carry him. And he have got a solid what oedematous Liam, Sharpie suddenly were suddenly Emily Wagner Nakata, Minister of Gobble, Cody, my brothers and my sisters sent mRNA comb water not to lie he or a cattle.

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I hope that you are all awesome. and enjoying your day off. Hopefully it's your day off and you have time off as well.

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I am officially smashed.

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I am officially super smashed as entired.

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I had three online sessions already. And this is my fourth one.

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So I had one in the morning before the holidays. And then I had three in the afternoon. So this is or sorry, yeah, three in the afternoon, evening. So

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it's late. I'm tired as much as a lot of people like oh, it's locked down. Everyone's relaxing, like, yeah, y'all could relax with

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sticking at all.

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But today, we do have to continue.

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And we were talking about last week, the rights that a wife has in her marriage, right the rights that a wife has over her husband. And today we're going to be focusing on the rights that the husband has over the wife. And I assumed that the numbers would be a little bit lower today.

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I don't know why I just felt like they would. And for some reason, I see that the numbers seem to be a little bit lower.

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I luckily had.

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In any case,

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we began about the rights of the husband upon the wife. And so if you

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want to share the link with someone, or let them know that we're on, please do that now. And get ready, brace yourselves, because when we talk about the rights of the wife upon the husband, that's one thing. But now when we start to talk about the rights of the husband upon the wife, it's now putting the two together. And so it's like, okay, we mentioned this, but now we're bringing these and now we got to try and work together to make that marriage work. And so

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it's always a tough one for people, right. And what we need to also understand is the like I said, at the beginning of last week's class, when we talk about the rights of any one of the spouses, we are mentioning them generally. Okay, so we're going to be talking about the rights but in a general sense. So if I mentioned something that doesn't apply to you don't get offended, or you I mentioned something like, yeah, if only it was like that, for me, well, don't get offended and don't get upset right away. Understand that? Generally, right? People have, you know, certain things that will fit into what they already know, or are learning and there will be some specific cases, right, where

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people are going through certain things. For example, if we say, you know, what, a husband shouldn't take advantage of his wife.

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And, you know, treat her right and do this and that. And then, you know, he says, Yeah, but what about this? What about that, and it goes back and forth. And then people bring their baggage into it, right? We're not talking about the baggage. And I'm not talking about you, or anyone here in in a specific sense. Okay, so I want everyone to sort of filter that out and take this as general knowledge that we're going to learn about today regarding the rights of the husband over the wife.

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And to be honest, there are many things that we mentioned last week, and last week's class went very long, right? It was, what an hour and 45 minutes today, in short, a lot of data, we will not do that, because I'm just too tired to do that. And

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what I was saying is,

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despite spending an hour and a half mentioning the rights of the wife upon the husband,

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there's still so much more. There's still so much more, as in, there will be times where someone says yeah, but he said this to me, does he have the right to say that to me, or he did this to me or she did that or she went here and he did that. And so there's always going to be additional things. This is why what we mentioned, we mentioned generally, and then if anyone has any issues you can reach out to me and you know, or your local scholar wherever you are, if you're in a different you know, country or city or something and we

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get sorted out from there and ciabatta. Alright. So the rights of the husband upon the wife

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number one,

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the right of the husband upon the wife is

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not to be taken lightly.

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okay not to be taken lightly. That's the very first thing. Like, don't take it for granted.

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Your position as a wife is powerful, okay? You, as a wife, as a spouse, have certain things that you need to look after. And know that the reason why you're looking after it is because of a loss of handle attack. So that's the first thing that the rights of the husband upon the wife are not to be taken lightly because they are being done for the sake of pleasing Allah subhana wa. Tada. Okay.

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So someone is mentioning, I jumped from one lecture to another. Okay, no, I thought you were mentioning a jump from the white rights of the wife and now the rights of the husband. Yeah, I actually didn't have not even five minutes in between the two but hamdullah I'm good. I'm good. Sharla you know, me, maybe I can add a point in here that it's the right of the husband to receive a foot massage.

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Is it No, not part of the seminar. Okay, sorry.

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Okay, so it shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not something that you know, you could just be like, I doesn't matter. No. Look at what the prophets that Allahu Allah who send them says if a woman prays her five prayers, right or five daily prayers and asks her month of Ramadan, okay, protects her chastity and obeys her husband. It will be said to her, enter Paradise through any of the doors of Paradise that you wish, somehow Allah

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subhana wa. Okay, I'll say that again. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, if a woman prays her daily prayers, okay, fasts, her month of Ramadan, protects her chastity and obeys her husband. It will be said to her, enter Paradise through any of the doors of Paradise that you wish a lot.

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That's like saying, Here's paradise to fog Baloo. Right, right. Go ahead. It's yours. Which door do you want? Which gate? Do you want to enter paradise? You were punctual with your prayers you fasted during the month of Ramadan, you protected your chastity you were you kept yourself to yourself as an hamdulillah you did what Allah subhanaw taala wanted from you, right? And you obeyed your husband, and hamdulillah Here you go. Paradise is yours. halus What more do we want, right? Easier said than done. No doubt easier said than done. The prophets on a longer alayhi wa sallam also said, by the one in whose hand is my soul. No man calls his wife to her bed. And she refuses except that

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the one in the heaven is angry with her until he has in her husband becomes pleased with her.

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So Allah subhanho wa Taala becomes displeased with the wife

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when the husband is displeased with the wife. Now I know I know immediately sisters are like, well, that's not fair. Why doesn't Allah get displeased when I'm upset with him? Well, if he does something that's not right, if he's doing something that is displeasing to Allah,

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then Allah is displeased with him anyways. Okay, so don't want to. And this is important, and this is why I said before, and I'll say it again, we spoke about the rights of one spouse, the wife, now we're talking about the rights of the other. What always, for some reason happens when talking about marriages, people start to say, it's men versus women. It's he versus she and he said, she said that it keeps going back and forth. That's not my brothers and sisters. Focus on yourself. Focus on what you need to do. Am I doing what I was pleased with? coz he has to worry about himself.

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And we spoke about all the things last week if you're not pleased with it, go back and watch it again. It's an hour and 45 minutes, go back and watch last week's again, but he has to focus on what he has to give to you and do for you. You now have to focus on a few things. Remember, he has to provide an

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Everything that you need.

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Now someone's will say, well, that's not fair. What? So his desires, he has desires?

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yes, sisters have desires.

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Women have desires, no one is denying that. Okay. But at the same time,

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I must have handled it Allah created us in different ways as in, we are not the same, we are not the same. And there are certain things that a husband will desire.

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And a wife may desire the exact same things.

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Generally speaking, though, there are certain things like this example here that the husband, at times, may not be able to control himself over. And it's just like, he doesn't see anything. He doesn't know anything. He's just like, that's what I want. That's what I want. And she's like, what's wrong with you? I'm busy, Can't you see I'm busy? I'm cooking, I'm doing this. I'm cleaning. I'm with the children, like, come on what you want me to drop everything?

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And he's just like, no. And

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generally, I'm saying that is that is the nature of men. Right. And so

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I got to be very careful what I say because I don't My wife is like on she was on there. And she was on there. And I don't know where she is just like, she's got all the screens on today's like multiple recordings going on or something. But

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it is what it is. And the dean is the dean and every case is different, right? Every person is different. Now,

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a person might say, wait a second, why do I have to do that? This is where I tell the husband, listen, be understanding of your wife. Understand that it might be the middle of the day, I understand that she's tired, understand that she, you know, is busy looking after things. She maybe just came back from work too. Or, you know, maybe you were often she was at work or, you know, she's busy with the children understand her situation as well. And like I said, we can go back and forth all the time, but we'll probably not get very far. And so, a husband, yes, he has that right, he can ask for it. But at the same time he should be understanding of his spouse and her condition and her

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situation. Okay.

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we have to be very careful of going to extremes.

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Okay? We have to be very careful of going to extremes with respect to obedience. So a wife, yes, no doubt, and a husband, right? They have to be respectful to each other. And this word, obedience, usually it's it's heavy word. Maybe there's another word that we could use, right? But this word obedience is like, Oh, I have to obey Him. No, I only obey a law, on laws requesting that you obey Him in the things that Allah has permitted.

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So a law has requested that we obey, that the wife will appease the husband, in the things that Allah has made permitted, but you disobey in the things that Allah has not permitted. So for example, if he's asking you to do something that is sinful, and you do not obey, and you do not obey, right, you do not give in and do the things that he's asking you to do. For example, a husband says, Man, he knows that his his wife is beautiful, and he wants to boast, he wants to show off. He wants to, you know, let his friends know how awesome his wife looks. And he's just happy. He's easy. And that case, you mean in the sense that like, you know, his wife is his wife, but he wants her to

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be part of all his friends life, I don't know. Doesn't make sense. But there are some people out there. And so he tells his wife, you know, what, take your hijab off when you go, I don't want you wearing hijab, right? doesn't make you look good. doesn't make me look good. You know? So he tells her take your hijab off when you're in front of my friends take it off, I want them to know, I got the best wife, the best looking wife. No, you do not obey Him and the things that are displeasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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Okay, you do not obey Him to things that are displeasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala. And that could that could vary. Okay, there could be so many things. One of the things that is common, to be honest, and like I said, if your children are watching, I'm gonna say things that you probably might not want your children to hear. So, if your children are young, you probably don't want them in class. Okay.

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You know,

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sometimes a husband says, it's my right.

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It's my right, right to be intimate. Right. He says it's my right to be intimate.

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I don't care what you're doing. And she says, but I have my period. And I know some of you are like, why are you mentioning that? This is a common issue. You'd be surprised. I deal with this regularly in our community and people around the world and they messaged me, and they're like, you know, what do I do? He's asking me to do this. He won't, he wants us to be intimate. And I have my period. Am I allowed? Am I gonna be sin? If I do it, you'll be sin if you give it and do it because you're not supposed to do it. So you're allowing something that you know you're not allowed to do?

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So in anything that the husband is, is requesting from his wife that goes against what Allah subhanho wa Taala wants as disobeying Allah.

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Don't do it. Don't obey your husband in it.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also said do not enter upon women. It was said O Messenger of Allah, what do you say about the brother in law? And he replied,

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Alhamdulillah Allah note, the brother in law, his death,

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as in,

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especially not the brother in law. What we mean here is

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people who are not Muslim for each other, should not be with each other. Now, sometimes people say, but we're family.

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We're family. It's fine. We're just family. Nothing wrong with it. Your brother in law's not your family. Your brother is your family. Your brother in law is not your family. And what we see sometimes is people sitting chilling, and they come together, I have lots of non Muslim family I've seen the way they are, some of them have, you know, even us when we were growing up, like our cousin's chilling with us, and you know, and it's just like, you know, my uncle's wife and my other uncle's wife, and both of them like chilling or going to a wedding and dance with each other, and so on. Yeah, for some people, they're like, Well, nothing wrong. We never did anything wrong. Why are

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you? Why are you saying that? Okay? No, I'm not using them as examples, not mentioning any names or anything. But what I'm saying is, in Islam, we have values and principles that need to be respected. The moment we break that, the moment you do not respect those values, you leave a crack in the system that's so perfect, designed by a law, so perfect. But the moment you break a crack through it, you no longer have that perfect system. Everything else just caves in, everything else falls apart. So that system, I was talking to my wife about this, you know, last night, we were talking about something, and we're going over some Islamic principles and stuff like that, with regards to,

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you know, marriage and divorce and some how to love one little thing, one little thing that you let slip by, can change so much.

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And this is why it's important for us to understand that our Deen is divine, it's from a law, there's an importance that's needed to be given to this Dean and the principles that are within and if we are not going to follow them, then we are going to fall through the cracks.

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And we may and Subhanallah I know some people three years for years have been doing haraam not knowing that they're doing home

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alone knows best house. So obedience is only in matters that are lawful to Allah Subhana Allah and there is no obedience to a created being of something which involves disobedience to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Okay, you cannot be obedient to a creation of a law in something that is disobedient to the Creator. And to Allah. The second of the rights of the husband,

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right of the husband upon his wife is that she guard her honor and also guard his honor. And we mentioned this about the husband as well that he guards her honor. So it goes back and forth. So she guards her honor, and also guards his honor. And she should also look after his wealth and children and other household affairs as in her responsibility is, is revolving around the home, she gets, you know, the home, she has, you know, her food and everything is taken care of, but she just maintains things she's basically you know, the supervisor or the

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Minister of Internal Affairs.

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She's the Minister of Internal Affairs in Arabic.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala says and sort of denisa verse number 34

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for salani, Hana door

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kanita tune Hanafi VA tune in over EBV happy love law

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therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence, what Allah orders them to guard as in their chastity, their husbands property and so on. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also said, the woman is a guardian over the household of her husband, and she will be asked about her responsibility. If it's on a longer it was on them said, right and this Hadeeth is part of the Hadeeth

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could look on Raw in what could look homeschooling the Add Nora, Yeti, every one of us a shepherd and every one of us responsible for what you're looking after, right? So that Hadith is lengthy, and part of it is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, and this is in behati, and Muslim, the woman is a guardian over the household of her husband, and she will be asked about her responsibility.

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So she has that responsibility. Okay? What exactly the responsibility is you need to define that in your marriage contract.

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If you say I don't want to clean and cook for him, then that's fine. As long as you put it in your marriage contract.

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Or if afterwards he says, okay, that's fine. It's okay. You know, like, I know, there was a sister, husband and wife came in and the sister never, ever cooked in their marriage. And I was like, Oh, I never thought this was really real. And she never ever cooked in her marriage.

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And that was fine with him. That's fine. Right? He took care of that.

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The prophets that along with it, he was some of them said the best of women is she who pleases you, when you look at her? Okay, this is number three. Sorry, I forgot to mention that we're moving off to number three. Number three is, it is the right of the husband to have the wife beautify herself for him.

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It is the right of the husband, for him to have his wife beautify herself, for him, not for others. So the prophets on a long run he was some of them said the best of women is she who pleases you when you look at her, obeys you when you tell her to do something, and guards in your absence, what she is obliged to concerning herself, and your wealth. Say that again. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said the best of women is she who pleases you when you look at her,

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obeys you when you tell her to do something,

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and guards in your absence, what she is obliged to concerning herself, and your wealth. So now when the husband comes in, tells her to do something.

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A woman's like, well, that's not fair. You can tell me to do anything you want. No, but he from your right is that he tells you to do things that are good for you. Remember, we said last week that he encourages you to make sure that you pray your prayers that he teaches you about your deen that he you know, helps you in the things that you need that he supports you in whatever you're going through, right? So it's not like, oh, he told me to go pray, wow, why is he telling me to go pray? Because that's part of your right. It's your right for him to help you to pray and to encourage you to pray and to tell you that you got to do this and do that. Right. But that's that's part of your

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right. And so as part of his right, is that you listen to him when he's encouraging you to do that.

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See the system of a loss of Hannah Volterra.

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And it's also amazing to see how, you know, some sisters, and it's not that I see this, I hear about it, right? How some sisters, they just, you know, brothers come in and like, she never does herself up. And she only does herself up when she's going to an event or going out to her friends or she's going chilling with the sisters. And at home. She never does herself up.

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And I had you know, brothers come in, sometimes they're like, I come home, and she's still in her pajamas. And it's 7pm and we woke up in the morning, and I come home and she's still in her pajamas. And you know, the wife says, cuz it's 7pm it's almost time for bed again.

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So it's this vicious circle. Like if you're gonna, you know, look nice for an hour and he's gonna be pleased. Alhamdulillah right. But you know, so I've had a brother come in once and he's just like, I can't remember the

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Last time I saw my wife out of her pajamas. Like for real, he's like, yeah, I can't. And I'm, and she's like, Jesse Tommy fault, he comes home so late, it's like, I'm so tired. At the end of the day, I just want to be in comfortable clothes. And he's not there all day. So it doesn't really matter. And so you see some kind of love, we gotta try and you know, work this out.

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And when you think of it,

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the person who has the most right

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for you to beautify them, for you to beautify yourself, for them, is your spouse. And it goes both ways. Right?

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For the husband, he looks nice for his wife.

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For the wife, she looks nice for her husband. And there's no one more deserving of that, except each of them. Right?

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Number four,

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right of the husband is that the wife should remain in her house and not leave her house. Even if she's going to the masjid. Except with His permission. As in, she should not just go and not let him know where she's gone. Right? She should let him know. I'm going here. I'm going there. And I know it is we have technology, right? So we have the ability to simply send a message or inform them, you know, I'm going up for groceries, I won't be home when you get here. He comes home, he's like a hole where she starts panicking, freaking out, oh my god, where's she gone?

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So gave her that she went to get groceries because she needed to, you know, I don't know, food or something. Right. So an x. And so it's important for a wife and I know, Pamela, we live at different times as well. So, you know, when you think of things traditionally and how they are now, you know,

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it's very simple to to send a message.

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For real, I just enabled your phones, Google Assistant, that's weird. spot a lot.

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You know, it's important for us to let each other know where we are. And when you think of it. We want to have personally been not sue oven. So for example, now a wife goes out throughout the day, husband comes home. He's like where she, you know, he's worried first, initially, she takes a while doesn't come back. He's messaging her calling her she's not responding. And then she comes home. And he's like, Where were you? Right? He's like, he might come off as being angry. But really, he was so super concerned that he's like, you know, frustrated. He's like, were you like, I'm just so worried and stuff like that. But we don't do that we just come out like we're ready. And then she's like,

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you're talking to me like that. I'm not telling you where it was. And he's like, well, then Where were you? Like, if you have to, you have to tell me where you were? Like, no, I'm not going to tell you and then it just goes on and on and on. And it shouldn't be that way. Right? So don't keep secrets from each other. Don't make the other person I'm gonna make him suffer. Because, you know, he spoke to me this way or I'm gonna make her suffer because of this.

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Try to break down those barriers try to do away with you know, the, the, the negativity in the marriage. Right. And a lot of the time it's misunderstanding, a lot of times misunderstanding.

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Allah Subhana Allah says,

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In surah verse number 33, and 33

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what God knows earthy boo to

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stay in your homes, as in that's the better place to be. Right? That doesn't mean you're not allowed to go out. Some husbands will take this to the next level. And say, No, you can't go out it's my right you have to stay home. You're not allowed to go You can't go to the monster You can't do this. You can't do that. You can No no no, no, no, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also said do not forbid your wife from going to the masjid.

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So what she has to do is let you know that she wants to go to the masjid. If the time is right, and she's able to do that and you know, based on whatever responsibilities she has, she's not going to be breaching any of those, um, the law she can go to the masjid. You know, but to say no, it's my right you can't go to the masjid. Yeah, but it's her right to go to the masjid. It's your right to know she's going to the masjid. Okay.

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And wants to go to the masjid and you should encourage especially if your wife wants to go to the masjid. Okay. Number five. It is also the right of the husband that the wife does not allow anyone into his house except by his permission. So anyone who the husband would not be happy with entering into his house, that she doesn't allow them to enter into his house. And I could tell you examples of people who their number one issue in their marriage and sometimes leads to divorce is that the wife is having people over that the husband doesn't

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Want in their life? Why? It's not that, you know, he's like, Oh, you know, I want my privacy. No, he doesn't like the fact that people are prying people are, you know, it's it's your personal private life. And some people just don't respect that. And so I know cases of, you know, brothers and sisters who some have a lot, you know, I know one divorce case. And the main reason is that that, you know, someone that the wife was letting over, and it was a sister, not like old, she had a men coming over, no, she was having another sister come over. And somehow, it just, you know, it created so many problems for them in their marriage that ended the marriage.

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The prophet SAW, the longer it was send them said, As for your rights over your wives, they are that they do not allow anyone to come to your seating that you dislike, and that they do not allow anyone into your houses that you dislike, and they don't take part in your gatherings, they don't come and sit where you sit and stuff like that the basically someone who you don't want to be around you, it's your right to request that this person doesn't enter into your house. Now, disclaimer,

00:31:21 --> 00:31:22


00:31:23 --> 00:31:25

There is bidra wedding,

00:31:26 --> 00:32:11

and or cuckoo holiday. Okay, so there's, there's being nice to parents and being bad and evil to parents. If you're encouraging your wife, in cochlea, to align in cutting off her ties of kinship with her parents or her family, her siblings and so on, then that's wrong. Similar to run, which is mending and bringing the family together is important. Right? We have to try our best to try to fix the relationships that are there. So now if a brother says, I don't ever want your parents to come over, well, wait a second, if you don't ever want my parents to come over, well, then I'm going over to my parents to visit them.

00:32:12 --> 00:32:35

And you are stopping me from seeing my parents or, you know, you're you're not allowing them to come because because you don't want to talk to them. Because you think for whatever reason, however, in the case that there's an absolute need, right? There's real real big problems, then yes, it is permissible, right to limit the amount of interaction between

00:32:36 --> 00:32:46

between the in laws for example, if if there really is a problem, okay, but a lot of the time, we just say, yeah, this is a problem. And that's it. It's my right, no, no, no, no, no, we got to talk things through. Okay.

00:32:50 --> 00:33:04

I think what we don't understand is that his concern stems from his degree of responsibility over her. So he needs to know where she's going, because he's responsible for her many view this as control. You're right. You're right.

00:33:05 --> 00:33:19

It's good statement. Well said, write it, you know, the husband feels it's my responsibility, I need to, you know, if something happens, I'm responsible, right? And, you know, it may be misunderstood at times by some.

00:33:21 --> 00:33:43

Okay, so that was a number five, number six, from the rights of the husband over his wife is for her to protect his wealth, and not to spend any of it except by his permission. Now, the wealth that a wife has, first of all, her wealth is her wealth. Okay? his wealth

00:33:46 --> 00:33:47

is her wealth.

00:33:50 --> 00:33:51

And he's broke.

00:33:56 --> 00:33:57


00:33:59 --> 00:34:09

it's not an ugly, a part of the wealth that a that a man makes, is to be used to maintain his family, as in his spouse, and children, if there are right.

00:34:12 --> 00:34:42

There's this thing in North America where we have joint accounts and stuff like that, that's actually not Islamic. Because his wealth is his wealth. And as long as he's looking after her needs, she doesn't need to know a single thing about how much wealth he has, as long as her needs are being looked after. And you know, he's giving her some extra in terms of spending money, she can go out do things, buy things, whatever she needs, you know, she has that comfort, that cushion that that you know, buffer in her life, then that's fine.

00:34:44 --> 00:34:45


00:34:47 --> 00:34:59

if she's like going out and spending all that he has, and using his money without his permission and buying things and sending it to her family and doing all of these things, and you'd be surprised lots of people take photos

00:35:00 --> 00:35:04

fledged advantage of this because they have joint accounts.

00:35:05 --> 00:35:12

And the prophets all along it was some of them said a woman is not to spend anything from the house of her husband except with His permission.

00:35:14 --> 00:35:34

If he's given her permission to use it, and that's fine. If he's allowed her and says, here's the card when you go do groceries pay for it. casa, you don't, he doesn't need to tell her every single time she's going to do groceries, pay for the groceries, make sure you pay for the groceries. She knows you gave me the card. That's what it's for to pay for the groceries.

00:35:35 --> 00:35:47

Like, what's the issue? And she also knows, like, you know, I went to the store bought something that's 5060 $70 and he's like, Okay, and then she does it again. Another time. He's like, Okay.

00:35:48 --> 00:35:55

Okay, does that mean? That means it's okay? For him to, for her to spend that amount sometimes when she goes out?

00:35:56 --> 00:36:06

You know, as long as she's not abusing it, and he's not he doesn't have an issue with he's not saying anything about it and fast. It's okay. But if she goes on, she comes back. She's like, oh, by the way about myself a car today? You what?

00:36:09 --> 00:36:14

Like a toy $1 from the dollar store card? No, no, no, I actually I bought a Tesla today.

00:36:16 --> 00:36:26

You How I just use your card. What? You know, it'd be like, I don't know, cancel the card, you know, that. That's like spending

00:36:27 --> 00:36:57

a companion a capacity to he's not pleased with. Okay, why? Because it's as well as he works really hard for it. And he's providing you already the things that you need. Right and you know, giving you that cushion, that extra, you know, comfort and so on, now going on and like overdoing it. Right? So the prophets all along, I need to send them like I said, you know, he said, a woman is not to spend anything from the house of her husband except with His permission. And then it was asked the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was asked,

00:36:59 --> 00:37:36

or messenger of Allah, not even food. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam replied, that's the best of our wealth. As in, you don't even spend like you don't, don't give away the food of your husband, except that your husband allows you to give it away. Because food in itself. That's real wealth. That's life. That's what helps us to survive a sofa. If I have no food in my fridge, I'm not going to start chewing on my sofa. If I don't have food in my fridge, I'm not going to start eating my pajamas. And if I don't have food in my fridge, I'm not going to like go in the bookshelf and start, you know,

00:37:37 --> 00:37:56

food is so valuable, so important. And this is why the profits are longer and even sentences alone is not to spend from the house and from the wealth of her how her husband's household except with His permission. And when asked not even food, he says that's the best of our wealth.

00:37:58 --> 00:38:22

Why? You know how good husband feels when he's providing food for his family. And how much he knows this is a responsibility. He sees there's no milk in the fridge. It's like house. He's making sure he's buying the milk and the eggs and the bread and everything else that's needed, because they need to survive. It's an Amana. He's going to be questioned about it on the Day of Judgment. If there's nothing for the children, but if he's okay with it being given away.

00:38:24 --> 00:39:03

And he comes home, like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came home, I shared with your mom and her says, You know what, today? She doesn't say, by the way, you need to go get some food. He's like, What do you mean? We have three dates in the kitchen? No, we don't. I gave it away. Go get some food. I'm hungry. She doesn't do that. Prophet, son alone. It was Southern comes home. She says you wouldn't believe what happened today. A woman came over with her two children. And the children were crying. They had no food. And I gave a we had three dates. And I gave one to the mother one to each one of the children so they can eat a date. The children are so hungry that they ate the date

00:39:03 --> 00:39:21

right away. Each of them 830 and then we're begging their mother, Mama Mama, we want more. And so the mother takes the Tamara the date and splits it the ship. Tamara she earns her paradise with just a morsel of a date. And she gives half to each one to children. She doesn't even eat the date herself.

00:39:23 --> 00:39:26

When the profits on a longer either, he will send them here's this.

00:39:27 --> 00:39:38

Do you think he's fussed about his food being given away? No. He's like, hamdulillah you were able to save and protect the family will survive will survive. It's okay. We'll survive.

00:39:40 --> 00:39:59

But he was okay with it and she knew he would be okay with it. Right so she already had that green light. She knew the prophets all along it was something we'll be okay with it. But also the way that she told him the way that she conveyed the message and that's a such an important lesson and aspect

00:40:00 --> 00:40:04

component of our marriages, the way that we see it, right?

00:40:07 --> 00:40:10

Now my wife sent me the grocery list.

00:40:16 --> 00:40:36

Or it's always better when I go through groceries because I only buy what's on the list. Nothing else. When she goes to buy groceries, she buys everything that's on the list, and everything that was not even written on the back of the list. But everything comes back and I'm like, What is this? You public? Everything? This wasn't on the list? No, but we need it.

00:40:38 --> 00:40:41

Hmm. busted.

00:40:46 --> 00:40:47

Okay, number seven.

00:40:49 --> 00:40:51

It is the right of the husband

00:40:55 --> 00:41:08

that his wife didn't does not perform voluntary fasts when he is present as he's not traveling, except with the permission of her husband. So the Prophet sent along it was send them said

00:41:12 --> 00:41:23

it is not allowed for a woman to fast and her husband is present except with His permission. So if the husband says, No, you know, I'm home.

00:41:24 --> 00:41:33

You know, I don't want you to fast today, we're going to do this, we're gonna do that, whatever, that's fine. Okay. But he should also understand if his wife has fasts to make up,

00:41:34 --> 00:41:53

that he encouraged her to finish those fasts, and he sacrifice his right, for the sake of her protection. Like a husband only wants the best for his wife, he should be able to sacrifice from his desires, and he's needs to allow her to finish her fasts. Right?

00:41:54 --> 00:41:57

And to make up what she missed from Ramadan, for example.

00:42:00 --> 00:42:08

So that she is not, you know, in a position where she could be punished by Allah subhanho wa Taala for not fulfilling those facets.

00:42:09 --> 00:42:24

So, again, yes. A woman might say, or husband might say, but it's my right. It's my right. Yes, it's your right. But understand that she has a right for you to look after her Dean.

00:42:25 --> 00:42:50

She has the right for you to look after her Diem. And you need to encourage her to fulfill the rights of Allah subhana wa Tada. And if she missed some fasting, and I'm Yvonne, yeah, you're here. Yeah, you want the data yourself. But she needs to finish fasting. And if you're going to encourage her to do that, then it's a win win for both of you. She'll be happy. Right? And, you know, so Pamela, she'll she'll be content.

00:42:52 --> 00:42:58

And I know, she's asking me, isn't this only for Nuffield fasts? Yeah, we're not talking about fasting during the month of Ramadan.

00:42:59 --> 00:43:22

But making up those faster in the month of Ramadan, you can make it up today, you can make it up tomorrow. Right? So it's not a must, that you fast today to make up that day of fasting. Now, if that's the case, with the fast that needs to be made up from the month of Ramadan, then by default, if it's enough, or a soon enough fast, that she wants to fast,

00:43:25 --> 00:43:32

she'll get the intention of fasting anyways, because she intended to do it. And she's fulfilling the rights of her husband.

00:43:33 --> 00:43:33


00:43:38 --> 00:43:39

Number eight,

00:43:40 --> 00:43:52

it is the right of the husband that he not to be bothered by reminders of what the wife spent from her wealth on the house and family. What this means is

00:43:54 --> 00:44:12

the wealth of a wife is her wealth. And if she wants to contribute towards the house, or contribute towards a household expenses, like maybe the car insurance or the gasoline or the utility bills, or a portion of the rent, or whatever it is.

00:44:14 --> 00:44:17

If she wants to do that, then that's a setup that she's doing.

00:44:19 --> 00:44:23

That's a subject that she's doing for her family. So she's helping her husband

00:44:24 --> 00:44:33

to pay for some of the expenses. It is his right not to have that rubbed in his face.

00:44:35 --> 00:44:59

Okay, it's his right not to have that reminder constantly come his way. Don't you know, I pay for utility bills. I pay for this, I pay for that can you can't afford this, I pay for that note, if you do it, it's a southern and if you're boasting about doing it or complaining that you're doing it, then that Southern is void. As in you're not going to get the rewards for that in the first place.

00:45:00 --> 00:45:04

Allah subhanaw Adana says yeah, you have

00:45:07 --> 00:45:11

to go clean will Sadako Tikun Beeman

00:45:14 --> 00:45:32

or you will believe do not render in vain your charity, by reminders of your generosity or by injury as making someone feel bad. So it's his right that you don't constantly rub it in that you're paying for certain things. Okay?

00:45:37 --> 00:45:39

Still 910

00:45:40 --> 00:45:53

a 123. Still a lot to go. And I think we should end here. I think what we'll do is we'll end here, we'll continue next week inshallah, because last week went really long. And

00:45:54 --> 00:46:08

there are certain things now that we might get into them will take some time, and then people are gonna have questions and it's gonna get too late and I really don't want it to get too late. I want people to be able to ask their questions and not feel rushed. So we'll end here in Shawn law.

00:46:09 --> 00:46:11

And we'll open it up for some questions.

00:46:24 --> 00:46:25


00:46:27 --> 00:46:31

please, please get your questions. Please. Please.

00:46:35 --> 00:46:36


00:46:39 --> 00:46:40

Ah, man.

00:46:42 --> 00:46:44

Know what I'm gonna do. You guys don't mind.

00:46:45 --> 00:46:48

I'm gonna bring my chair over. And I'm going to sit down at

00:46:51 --> 00:46:51

my desk.

00:47:20 --> 00:47:21

There we go.

00:47:23 --> 00:47:23


00:47:24 --> 00:47:28

questions. Let's see. Let's see here.

00:47:34 --> 00:47:41

Gentlemen, to the Ask an important question. What if a person has to make up Ramadan fasts over a period of years and years?

00:47:43 --> 00:47:46

We spoke about that when we spoke about the bomb and fasts.

00:47:48 --> 00:48:17

I believe just before and I'm alone, but if a person has many years of fasts to make up, and they're able to make them up or want to try and make them up, then that's good. Technically, the fasts that are missed within a year should be made before the following them upon after that Toba is needed to be made. Okay. So there's there's a number of ways to go about this. What I would do is just message me in trauma, and we'll discuss it depends on how many facets are needed to be made up.

00:48:20 --> 00:48:20


00:48:29 --> 00:48:44

Can these be fulfilled by the show, while fast as the six days of show well, are worth a year's fast? They're worth a year's fast in reward, but they do not replace the fasts that need to be made up. Okay.

00:48:46 --> 00:48:53

How can a husband tell the wife to be grateful? For all they have with wisdom?

00:48:54 --> 00:48:57

How can a husband tell the wife to be grateful for all they have this wisdom?

00:49:01 --> 00:49:01

Talk about it.

00:49:03 --> 00:49:09

I don't know what's asked the sisters on here. Sisters. How can a husband tell you

00:49:10 --> 00:49:14

to be grateful for all that he's provided for you?

00:49:16 --> 00:49:19

Without it causing a problem? Let's see what the sisters say.

00:49:21 --> 00:49:24

Sometimes it's easier to ask other people, right?

00:49:39 --> 00:49:44

So I never mentioned that KQQKQ

00:49:47 --> 00:49:55

the wife's wealth is her wealth. She wants to spend it on something. Generally, she doesn't have to ask her husband. It's her wealth.

00:50:00 --> 00:50:04

except in the case that she may be doing something that's wrong, then he

00:50:06 --> 00:50:18

it's from the rights of the wife that the husband, you know, help her and a sister to do what's right. So if she's spending it in something that's wrong or not, not wisely, then he should advise her and guide her through that.

00:50:19 --> 00:50:47

I was little, I don't think I knew about making up fast promptly until more recently. Is this even doable? I'm very worried. Yeah. So try your best thing fast. Nuffield fasts you're in there. And Allah subhana wa tada will understand, he knows your struggle. You can also make them up by, like I said Toba and feeding others. So feed someone a meal for every day that you missed, and feed someone a meal for every day that you missed.

00:50:49 --> 00:50:55

By being thankful ourselves, show it in actions and word stay consistent without

00:50:56 --> 00:51:06

own intention to correct but intention of a lot guiding the partner. Okay, there you go. So Murtaza one you, someone said,

00:51:07 --> 00:51:36

you can tell the husband, sorry, the husband can tell the wife to be grateful for all they have with wisdom by being thankful themselves. So show that gratitude to her. Right? And she will show gratitude back to you and shot a long time and be thankful for what she's doing around the house and when she's helping with what she's assisting you in and inshallah, inshallah she will show that back to you. Okay.

00:51:38 --> 00:51:43

Facebook, YouTube, no questions. I like that from the live Instagram.

00:51:45 --> 00:51:45

Guests young.

00:52:01 --> 00:52:12

So what if both work and your husband wants your money and doesn't want to give it back? So a husband has no right to take away his wife's money. That's her money.

00:52:13 --> 00:52:20

So from the rights of the wife is that her wealth is her wealth and he doesn't touch it. And

00:52:22 --> 00:52:28

if he wants to take that wealth, he can't. Right? And that's why you should have your wealth safe with you.

00:52:29 --> 00:52:56

And if he does take it, then it's considered stealing. Right? Even if he says, But I told her. So it's like, okay, you walked into a bank and say, I'm taking your money, you take it off? Like, I didn't rub it. I just told them, no, that's stealing. You tell someone you're taking something, even if you take it right in front of them, taking it without their permission without being granted that permission is how it is not permissible. Right?

00:53:05 --> 00:53:20

In most societies, it seems that there is more emphasis on the husband's rights. And they hold it over women in a way that the women don't hold their own rights over them. What do you think caused this? Think what caused it?

00:53:22 --> 00:53:24

You really want me to say what I think caused it?

00:53:26 --> 00:53:32

Well, there could be a number of things that cause that. And Firstly, it's the fact that a wife

00:53:33 --> 00:53:41

is not particular about her rights, as in, he may walk all over her

00:53:43 --> 00:54:14

taking her rights away, and she never says anything about it. She never goes and gets help. She never, you know, even says anything. She's like, oh, but it's my husband. Oh, but it's my husband. Okay. But one day, you will turn around and say, Enough is enough. And he'll be like, but I'm your husband. You know, so I think we really need to understand what our limits are. And those limits are set by a loss of hanaway data. So when we follow the limits that are set by a law,

00:54:15 --> 00:54:24

things tend to work properly. The moment we breach that and we break the limits of Allah subhanaw taala.

00:54:25 --> 00:54:44

That's when things start to fall apart. There's everything's wishy washy. There's not enough. There's no, there's no structure. There's just no guidance, like, what are you supposed to follow? You're gonna follow the code, and No, we haven't been following it for the longest time. Okay, you're gonna follow this? I'm not No, we're not following that either. So what are you following?

00:54:45 --> 00:54:59

And then when you come up with the legality, right, or the legal side of things, then people say, Oh, well, we're Muslim. What does this them say? But you don't want to follow them. And now you don't want to follow the law. So what are you following? You just doing what you want. You're giving into your own whims and desires.

00:55:00 --> 00:55:04

Giving into your own whims and desires. Allah subhana wa tada speaks about that right?

00:55:07 --> 00:55:12

Chef gonna message you about missed some sweating because I'm so scared, okay? Don't be scared.

00:55:14 --> 00:55:14

Don't be scared.

00:55:16 --> 00:55:28

Allah subhanaw taala understands, you know what happened in the past? It's a matter of moving forward. Okay? So there's there's ways of sorting things out. Yes, you can message me inshallah.

00:55:32 --> 00:55:46

There's a study done, the students were told to become jail prisoners, and some students were asked to be in to be the jail guards. They automatically started acting like guards oppressing and prisoners accepting.

00:55:47 --> 00:55:55

Oh, that's interesting. You know what? So this brother mentioned this, the RPF and is absolutely very true. You know what, I noticed that

00:55:57 --> 00:56:02

prisoners in prison are like, okay, we can't do anything. The guards are, the guards are above us.

00:56:03 --> 00:56:35

And the guards come in, instead of treating them like, okay, that's a human being in front of you. They made a mistake somewhere else, but you don't need to treat them bad here. But so Pamela, they automatically are treated that way. Why we're human beings. And so I think, you know, it's a good example of that, you know, sometimes people overpower others, and they make them feel as though they are trapped, and prisoned in their own homes, right, trapped in their own homes. And that shouldn't be the case, right? That should not be the case.

00:56:36 --> 00:56:42

So women need to be taught their rights and then have the guts to stand up for them. Yes.

00:56:43 --> 00:57:22

Right. For example, if you need 30 people, if you feed 30 people, can this count towards 30 days of missing them? Yvonne fastspring? Yes, it can, as you can. Well, we'll talk about that later in childhood. Okay. So can women take husband's money without his consent, or it's also stealing? We spoke about that about 20 minutes ago. Okay. So he's supposed to provide for her and whatever he allows her to spend, if he gives her some spending money, or he gives her the ability to, you know, buy things within whatever is a reasonable amounts that he's okay with, then that's permissible to not considered stealing. Okay.

00:57:28 --> 00:57:30

We create our own oppressors.

00:57:31 --> 00:57:52

Then, by not standing up? Yes. Okay, I saw something here is just a Melissa depends on the way the couple communicate with one another reminder of the importance of looking down and not looking up helps by reminding us to be grateful for what we have important to include both people so that the women

00:57:53 --> 00:58:06

does not feel like she isn't being grateful. Very good. Absolutely true. Right? Depends on the way that the couple communicate with one another remind her of the importance of looking down and not looking up.

00:58:07 --> 00:58:09

Right? Look at those who don't have,

00:58:11 --> 00:58:18

look at those who don't have and one of the ways as well, is to do things as a family or as a couple

00:58:19 --> 00:58:30

where you are helping other people who don't have, okay, where you're assisting people who don't have it really makes you feel thankful and grateful for the things you do have. And

00:58:33 --> 00:58:53

communication is key in a respectful way. Alright, so I don't see any more questions here and see any more questions there. So I'll do one final call for any questions. Because it's nine o'clock and then we will end in Charlottetown. So last minute for questions.

00:58:59 --> 00:58:59


00:59:00 --> 00:59:04

Just messaged me inshallah, and we'll take care of it. Okay.

00:59:11 --> 00:59:14

Great. I don't see any more questions coming in.

00:59:20 --> 00:59:22

So we'll continue

00:59:23 --> 00:59:34

the rights of the husband next week. Forgive me, part of me wants to continue and finish them all. But part of me also feels really bad that took an hour and 45 minutes last week

00:59:36 --> 00:59:51

to to go through the rights of the wife and I probably should have broken that up into two weeks as well. So I felt really bad when I finished late I'm like some kind of all these you know, miskeen poor people are probably like mad don't never gonna stop.

00:59:52 --> 01:00:00

But, you know, that's why I'm breaking it up as well today and we'll take the rest next week and show Okay, does it

01:00:00 --> 01:00:09

alongside them about a colonial fee come. We'll see you again next Sunday at 8pm. In fact, I'll see you on Friday at 8pm for the family

01:00:10 --> 01:00:26

etiquettes class where we're learning about etiquettes at 8pm on Friday nights and then we're back here on Sunday night for essential thick. So is that cool? Okay then are some of our sternum all of our kind of you know how to do it yourself. You're settling. We'll sit down we're at a con what a little while back up.

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