Channel: Bilal Philips
Jumu’ah Khutbah @ Masjid Bin Zaid (FANAR)
Sep 30, 2016
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Brothers and sisters
continuing on from my previous footbaww
on teaching children Salam
is the general concept of educating our children
as a general principle
that it is the right
of our children
that they be raised, educated islamically.
And if we don't fulfill that right,
we will be held accountable
as the profits online supplement said,
called local Brian, local, local.
Each and every one of you is a shepherd responsible for his or her flock.
we have to consider
the education of our children as being our primary responsibility.
We are living in a time
where people generally
try to dump their children into
educational institutions from the earliest age.
And it's literally done
with we drop them off.
And we pick them up and if we have buses,
we don't even bother to drop them off.
So we get rid of them as early as possible.
And we feel that this has given them a head start. Because in those institutions, called
crushes, there are different names for them.
There are two taught some things
or portions of the grind,
which have maybe Islamic connotations. And of course, most of us are not so concerned about whether it's Islamic or not. Or it's not Islamic, it's just
you and a Muslim country, for example, here, then we put them in and just assume everything is okay.
So even the crush doesn't have to have
an Islamic name. And it's some you know, it's title.
That's just preparing them for education in the future. And actually, in places like Japan.
People even spend time preparing their little children
who have to do entrance examinations to get into kindergarten.
I mean, they've made it such a,
you know, high powered,
pressure filled process, that even from preschool, people are fighting to get into this particular preschool because they know in that preschool leads you to the next school and to the next and into certain universities. And
so imagine that your three year olds are preparing for entrance examinations into preschool.
Is that where they need to be?
Is the question
Do they really need to be there?
These preschools etc. are products of people working
as a family, the husband and wife both work
outside of the home.
This is not a norm.
It's become a norm
but it's not a norm for
that the man is outside the home, providing
no doubt, that is a reality. But then the woman is outside also working and providing this is a product of this particular century that were a
priority that it wasn't like that.
Around the world, in America, Europe, it wasn't like that women were at home, raising the children.
Because this is where they will get the best rearing.
Because no matter how good a school may be,
they cannot replace
the love. The concern
that parents would show, in the educational process have their own children.
They may be professionals, those people,
but it's just a job.
It's just a job.
And the love
that should be in the early education of the children will be missing.
There are some exceptional early
who have that big heart that can handle everybody. But mostly for most people, it's just a job.
So our children will be missing certain key
which later on in life will come back to haunt us.
Because a very important aspect of that child rearing is building a bond between yourselves and your children.
So when the children spend those early years, so much of the time away from you,
they become bonded to those people that are in the
or a nanny.
So much so that in the child's mind, they will think that the nanny is really the mother.
You want to take your child and the child doesn't want to come.
The child is more attached to that teacher in the school, or the nanny in the home, then with the child's own money.
she you have to know that there is a consequence to that.
Because personality is built according to the child psychologists, personality is built from those early years.
So if you have a personality that's being built,
that is not attached to its own parents, then what do you expect later on in life.
When you now are in need of care,
you are in need of care.
And your own children don't care.
This is happening more and more.
I receive emails from people from all over the world. Parents
complaining about their children's lack of care for them.
busy with their own lives don't have time for their parents. These are Muslims. In the West, this was
a norm. It is the norm in the West. When children grow up.
They don't have anything to do their parents the system there is that you keep the kids out of the home by the time they're able to you know fend for themselves. 1516
So when the kids grow up, they don't have any kind of care for their parents, that's normal. In fact, usually children will blame their parents for all the things that have gone wrong in their lives, it's your fault.
You didn't do this, you didn't do that you didn't do the other.
And when the parents can take care of themselves, those who have some little bit of care, they'll just put them in an old people's home.
Just as you put them in the kindergarten and preschool, they put you now in the old school,
and the old people's or
somebody else to look after you. Maybe they might show up once a year to visit you.
That's it. That's
in the West.
But for us, who have been
raised with the concept that
we are supposed to love them, to serve them,
to be with them,
to honor them.
That this is a bother for us.
So many places in the ground where a lot of talks about
the fundamentals of Islam, he speaks about worshipping a lot lower than than he says.
And being good to your parents.
This is a part of faith, being good to your parents. So that
has to be nurtured the foundations for that has to be nurtured. It's not something that will just happen automatically.
If we don't raise them with that consciousness, then we lose them.
So it is very important
to remember, as we said in the previous
the boss told us to teach our children Salah by the time they're seven,
that's 1400 years ago.
That's the time when things need to be now in a system.
So they go to school, they leave your home,
to be taught
around the age of seven. That's the time prior to that we should teach them at home.
That's the proper way
to teach them at home, keep our children at home until finally, okay, they've reached that stage. They've been given a good foundation, then we now put them into the schooling system.
This is the proper way.
And this is the way to ensure
that our children will be raised
and they will love us
when we can no longer take care of ourselves.
They will be around us.
They will not want to be far away from us.
Because we have built that foundation of love.
I asked him last time data
to help us get back on the path to properly raising our children.
As part of our faith, I asked him
to help us to be conscientious in this to take time, make the effort
to raise our children correctly. Ask a lot to forgive us for our negligence in this matter.
To forgive our errors
to protect our children from the harm of our ignorance
and to forgive our parents for their
negligence with regards to ourselves.
For us to be as parents,
conscious of this responsibility,
we have to be ourselves, righteous bears,
if we want our children to be blessed, and how they are reared,
that they would be righteous children, when they grow up, and that is more important, then highly educated and highly skilled, most important is righteous, children, righteous young people, righteous others,
then we ourselves need to know the religion.
We need to have chosen our spouses on the basis of the religion.
We need to break that cycle, which has become commonplace in our countries where people are married for the wrong reasons.
What the prophet SAW Selim told us to get married for we don't even consider it's a last afterthought
that said, marry
the righteous, the pious.
This is an afterthought, we're more concerned with money, position, family status and all these other things. Then righteousness Oh, she prays, he prays, okay.
Also, we have to make to offer a gentleman
the promise I send them endless glass, their glass in the prime even before we can produce the children he gave us the when the husband and wife come together
they told us to make a lot of magenta in the shade on Oh, a lot keeps fading away from us. But then the misshapen mouth is often and keeps Satan away from whatever you grant us from this relationship. Whatever children offspring that come keep Satan away from them.
How many of us actually, even do this to our
most people when I mentioned this, there's blood.
Phenomenal Muslims, right to something. Wow. I mean, before you have relations with your prayers, wow, Mashallah impressive.
But do we use it.
we have to be the example for our children.
Because they will follow us we talked in the previous football about the child standing up to pray when we stand up to pray.
And they do that for everything.
The girls imitating the mom,
the boys imitating the father,
it's normal, it's natural. And we should use it in our educating and rearing the children at home.
And among the best
examples that we can give them
is how we as parents interact.
It's very important that when we have our differences, as husbands and wives will have differences
that we don't argue it out in front of our children.
The wife is throwing the frying pan at you.
You her daughter, your daughter will do the same thing to her husband.
The man is angry and his
ally says you can beat your wife
beating them up.
When that son grows up, he do the same thing to his wife. This is a cycle.
We learned from our father.
Our wives learn from their mothers. So if we show them bad examples, and that's what we read, as they say you reap what you sow.
So very important for us.
If we have differences, as we will do it behind closed doors,
discuss those things when the children are asleep.
Don't let them see you in all angry till you're raising your hands. And
it's not that you're hiding them from reality. No, they just don't need to see that
they will know when they grew up when they get married, that that kind of behavior is not
good. My parents never did that
they will get angry about the same thing they know do it somewhere so the children don't see
we need to break that cycle.
And in the educational process, we have to consider
the environment of the home since the early education most of it is being done there in the home.
So we have to look at our home environment is it a clean, pleasing environment would you feel proud to invite to a sooner loss a lot of salon to come and sit in your home or if he was coming you have to cover up some pictures you have on the wall you have to move this away after cover this and change that and
you couldn't invite him in you feel ashamed. Because you know you have all these things, whether it's radio and TV or videos or whatever, which you know, are not pleasing to Allah.
So all those things that you wouldn't want to azula lotsa lotsa love to see in your home, if you came to visit, take them out.
Take them out,
you don't need them.
They are only harming you and your family. So we need to have a clean environment.
If you pour milk into a dirty glass, you get dirty milk.
Common Sense, you need to clean that glass out, you want pure milk out when you pour it and you need that clean glass. same word same way the home should be clean. So whatever you have in it are things which remind you of a lot
are pleasing to Allah, or are just acceptable, you may not have any religious value, etc. But there
you don't feel shy about any of those things.
environment is very, very important.
And also the children who your children play with.
Because when you're doing all of that,
if you're visiting your neighbors or your friends, and their children are allowed to do anything and everything, and much of what you're trying to raise them with will be undermined.
So you have to choose as you should choose your friends well.
Friends who remind you have a law.
Similarly for your children, you should try to help them in finding good companions, good friends to play with to grow up with
is important. It doesn't mean that you isolate yourself from society, but you control as much as you can, the environment that your children are raised, whether inside the home or outside the home when they socialize.
And also it is important that we give the children a good and consistent system of discipline,
that the children will learn from and it will correct their behavior. We discipline them
and usually when we do discipline it means the stick.
We have a big stick.
There is even some references that are attributed to salasar solemn says that you should hang the stick on the wall.
people are reminded the stick
but this is not
the way of education the stick might be necessary as a last resort. It is not your primary method.
We all know from the life of salami, raise children, and we don't have any record of him beating his children.
he was the best of examples. And we should consider our child rearing techniques. If all we do is
we come home my wife tells us so also ended up getting me the belt.
That is the first thing.
And the last thing that we do.
It's known in the family. The father is the man who
does the punishing, the child will threaten the mother will threaten the child, if you do this, I'm going to tell your father you know, it's gonna have to do.
This is the normal. And man you don't want to be really known as that. That's what it is, is that all the children know you for you think about it. Your parents, your father, mother, if that's all you can think of your father is, is just the beatings used to give you
then something is wrong.
It has gone wrong.
takes precedence over fear.
We love a lot.
And we fear his displeasure.
The fear of his displeasure is a product of our love for him.
It's not just pure fear. So similarly, we want that relationship to be good with our children. We need to learn if we don't know anything else about the belt and the stick. And we need to learn go online. Now we have online you can go on childbearing discipline very easily, Google will give you all kinds of other methods that can be used for disciplining children, which don't require you to beat them to death.
we have to take this responsibility of rearing our children seriously.
They are the future of the oma.
We are creating the future of the oma Today
we will be held responsible, we will be asked,
we will be judged.
So I asked the last one to Allah,
to make this responsibility serious in our minds and in our hearts.
For us to feel remorse, sadness about what has passed. Because we can't change the future unless we are sad about what is wrong of the past.
We ask a lot to give us the time and the energy to seek knowledge of how to raise our children well
and to prioritize
our rhetoric, focusing on raising righteous children, as the last mythology give us righteous children in the future, from now until they die,
that they will be among those under the shade of a lost throne. On the day when there's no shade except the shade of his throne.
We asked the last one to Allah to protect the oma from the evil that is befalling them,
whether in Syria,
Burma, wherever Muslims are suffering, we ask Allah to live that suffering from them.
We ask the Lord to bring the oma together to help them as they deserve to be helped.
And we ask the Lord to forgive and to bless our parents, those who have passed from our family to make their graves graves from the gardens of Paradise. And we ask Allah to give us a good end that we die.
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