Is my marriage valid

Brothers and sisters, there are conditions in Islam for a valid marriage. All of you need to understand this. And there are about three steps to it. Three simple steps. The first step is proposing a simple proposal. It doesn't mean she's yours doesn't mean he's yours. No. It depends on your culture in my Lebanese culture, they call it out. In fact,

actually, they have four different stages. My God, the first one is hockey, which means talk means go over and say, we're kind of interested, let's see, and she comes out and gives some coffee to you. And that's when you're supposed to look at it for the first time.

She comes in, and you look up at her and then you look down and she looks away and she acts all shy, you act or shy. All of that stuff, the father staring at you. And you're sweating. You don't know what to do. They call me up Poor things. We're lucky these brothers, I feel sorry for him. They say Who should I take? My dad, I said, take your dad, he talks you shut up. Don't say a single word. Let him talk. If you're asked to answer if you're not asked, don't say a word, just get to know.

And people have different personalities. Just by doing that you learn a lot by being quiet and observing, you know, before emptying here, the words fill here, first fill that prayed. And then you can talk insha Allah. So first time, it's going to be like that we have this in our culture, if that is your culture, go ahead. And brother once I get asked by these brothers say, I've kind of interested in this girl but she is not from the same nationality or the same background that I come from, what should I do? I go go and find out ask people, learn about their culture, go and visit them. Give them a call, learn their culture, ask people who know about their culture and see what is

the right way to do it. So the right way in Islam to approach a proposal is to respect the culture of the person you're going to find mostly men are the ones who do the proposing mostly, although a woman can propose to a man and we're going to talk about that in a minute. But mostly men do it even just naturally. Naturally, a man does the proposing and the woman then thinks

she looks so cute. And she might feel a little bit spoiled. Should I take him or not? Maybe I can test him out a little bit. Yes, no, no. Yes. You know, sometimes they like to play a bit of nice healthy games, they call it brothers and sisters. So approach it through the culture. Now the second thing we have it now live in his culture, you got to do it in a fair talk. Now this is not part of Islam. I don't do it, but they do it anyway, it means reciting and Fatiha. And the meaning of that is okay, we are now up to the second stage. Do the Fatiha so that we can, he'll come and go and visit a lot. So he'll come whenever he likes son, you can come visit but you can't come visit

without the father or brother or someone there. So usually the boy goes and visits. And then the parents said say well, we want to visit you too first. So they come and visit. And then you go and come you talk on the phone and stuff like that for a little while. My advice is not to take too long. And then the engagement period, this is now when we reach the second stage of Islam. So the first one is to go in and say we would like to, you know, ask if we can get to know the daughter for my son or he might go himself I know a brother who went and knocked on the door and says, I'm your neighbor from that block over there. This is what do you want says and then he didn't know what to

say. So he returned comes up to me. He goes, Sure What am I going to do? I said, Alright, it's time to take someone with you. So if you've got a dad because of course, he's not in my life. I go take your Uncle, don't even my life poor guy I got I'll go with you. So I went with him. And hamdulillah before going out, I did call him and convinced the father to just at least try him out and it just get to know the guy. Sometimes you need a bit of help. So boys, brothers and sisters, it's not just one one rule or one law fits all, you got to be a bit creative. So we went down hamdulillah and it didn't work out in the end, but at least it was friendly and respectful and there were no bitten

there was no bitterness lifted in the end. But you get engaged is the second stage. What is engagement? In Islam it's called a BA or a Hakuba.

Is so when we go and give the hotbar on Joomla it's called hot so that makes it hot but and HIPAA is the correct name for getting engaged in Islam. What does it mean? It means that

the father of the girl and you or your father whoever you want, you come to an agreement you shake hands on the agreement that now my son and daughter and your daughter are getting to know each other officially getting to know each other. Officially.

You have the permission of the fathers. The parents know they can call each other they can talk they can visit but only with a chaperone. They have to have someone around them they can meet in a public place, usually Muslim place. It can be

at the mosque he made it their house at events you can have some people said to me what if the father and brother are not there, I say that's okay if the mother is there, and you know, it's not and it's safe and everybody respects each other in sha Allah, just stay there and meet the girl and get to know her. There are no strings attached during engagement, which means you cannot hold hands he cannot kiss, you cannot hug. You cannot be alone together in a room. Any one of you in a time of the engagement of getting to know each other can pick up the phone and say I'm not interested and that's it. You just walk away and nobody can press you there is nothing there are no conditions, and

any gifts that you give to each other during the engagement. It's a gift.

You can't say I want it back. SallAllahu sallam said giving a gift and taking it back is like vomiting and eating a vomit again. You've given it your fault you went and gave it or maybe you're nice, you're just too generous, masha Allah, may Allah reward you. Don't ask for it. Don't lower yourself. Okay? You give a gift Hamdulillah you were generous. You had a good time. You got to know him you had the opportunity but it didn't work out. If the other person was to give back the gift, that's fine. But here is a little advice. Don't go overboard with gifts brothers and sisters during the engagement time. All right, don't and that's a time for you to really learn about each other.

Are they materialistic are you so just be very, very easy. You can get some chocolates if you like you can get some fathers don't even like it. I remember one brother I went to talk to me. And a father said to me after the brother left I was helping him out. He said Why don't even bring chocolate I don't like him to bring chocolates. What is this a romance is not even attached to my daughter yet and he started getting angry. So calm down. It's a nice man. It's just bringing chocolates. What's the big deal? Take it easy. Had to calm the guy down some people that got different personalities, his parents just take it easy. You know take a chill pill if it's okay,

things are going fine Hamdulillah I always say this statement make the halal easy so that the Haram does not become the alternative. If you make the halal hard, the Haram becomes easy. Make the halal easy the Haram becomes hard make the halal haram becomes easy. Alright brothers sisters make the halal ease insha Allah. Now, the engagement period is just that getting to know each other. All it means is that if anybody else calls the parents to say or wants to propose to the girl, they say no, no, she's at the moment engaged. And it is haram in Islam to get engaged to a sister when you know, a brother of yours, someone has already is already in the process of getting to know her. So this is

the real meaning of going out in the western, meaning you're not going out together, you're getting to know each other. Sometimes at school, you get these little kids who've just hatched out of the egg and they know nothing about life. And they think they can get married just tomorrow like that. They're in your seventh or your eighth or your night. And then all they're going out. So what do you mean you're going out there? It means that at lunchtime, they walk together around the block. And whenever she's at the canteen, he's at the canteen, they're going out, but this is not going out. Stop it Stop this. Stop it. Stop move away.

So this is serious. Okay. Brothers and sisters

engage in periods getting to know each other. There's no strings attached. Anyone can just walk away with no conditions. Does everybody understand that part? Okay, Al Hamdulillah.

Now we reached the third stage, which is called the contract of Nica the contract of marriage in Islam. Yes, there is love and there's interest in all of that, but at the end of the day, it is a contract, you are entering into a mutual agreement. That is the most serious agreement on Earth. Allah calls it in the Quran Meetha Conradie. Law, a very serious contract. It is a contract. It is a contract because you are giving something they're giving something you're exchanging something there.

It's human lives that you're dealing with here. So it is a contract. There are rights, responsibilities, agreements, everything. But it's not like a business contract. It's not like buying a house. There's love involved. There's mutuality. There's kindness. There's generosity. There's courtesy. So when people enter into a marriage contract, take it easy. Don't sit there talking about every nitty gritty right? Take it as a given take be easy. Remember, we said make the halal easy, so the Haram becomes difficult.

In Islam, there are five conditions for a valid marriage, only five plus listen carefully plus one, right? That has to happen. What's the difference between condition and right? The condition means if one of them is missing, the marriage has to be done again. It's not valid. The right which is the sixth thing, it's called a right. The marriage is still valid if it's not there, but it has to eventually happen.

happen. We'll talk about him in sha Allah, the first five conditions to the marriage. Number one,

the identity, the identity of the couple, so that when they come to get married, in the marriage contract, and I'll explain how it's done, the names have to be said loud, and the names have to be known. And if you're writing it, it's better to write it. The celebrant, or the Imam, whoever's doing the marriage has to write the names. And you have to say them the way I do it, there's several ways you can do it the way I do it, and as you know, I'm a marriage celebrant, maybe half of you did I met it hands up for married people off just for fun. Anyone here? Come on, man, if nobody puts their hand up is the first. Oh, no one soon soon. Insha Allah not you have

met his wife at one of my lectures haha, see, that's what I'm talking about. But you know, I'd be walking in, in the supermarket. Woolworths, it's happened to me many times and a couple would walk up to me shining life scream, you know? And I said, Okay, here it comes. I don't know what this is saying. It's us. So who's you? It's us.

So who?

I'm sweating. So someone and they say their names I go. Yeah, who? Remember what you've married us when, like, you know, six years ago, I can't remember six years ago. And I act like I know. And I get very embarrassed by so I forgive me if you're among here, or you're listening. I apologize. Sometimes you do. You know, 1000 marriage, and it's hard to remember who's from who so I apologize. I'll tell you this little story while I'm sitting with this. At a family occasion this mother, a mother who was elderly mother was sitting there she says, so how's your Mom? How's your dad? hamdulillah they're very good. And we're talking right about Lebanon, we're talking stuff. And then

her son's sitting there. He was my student back in the days. I said insha Allah in sha Allah, when your brother your son gets married? I'm going to do it as a gift for him for free gift. And then her jaw dropped. She's Are you serious? I said, Yeah. Because none that Jani Anja really.

But yeah, I won't. I won't take money. Like she said you did his marriage last week.

Wala did his marriage like the week before and had forgotten, so embarrassed to Allah SubhanAllah.

So forgive me, it happens. Anyway, we move on. So the way I do the marriages is I sit the groom and the father of the bride. Sometimes the groom chooses his father out of respect to represent him. We have two witnesses. We agree on something called the MaHA I'll explain it. And then I get the father's to shake hands and they say the words, the words for a marriage for it to count is like this. The father of the groom or the groom himself has to say verbally for people to hear. I request your daughter so and so and you have to name her in marriage, in accordance with the Quran and Sunnah. And on the Mahara that we have agreed upon, and then the Father will reply on behalf of my

daughter I give her so and so to use so and so or to your son so and so in marriage in according to the Quran and Sunnah on the matter. We've agreed and they say we accept and agree. Sometimes I turned to the groom, and I asked him, do you take so and so to be a lawfully wedded wife and to treat her with goodness care, compassion and love? As much as Allah has has?

Within your capacity? He will say, Yes, I do. And sometimes I turned to the bride as well. I do like to do that. It's not necessary. But I do turn to the bride. Sometimes she's shy, and I feel sorry for him ask a quick question. Do you accept to marry him? Yes. And she says it's heartless it's done. So that's very, that's it? Some people, my friend, he got married in Malaysia. Malaysia is a beautiful country, but they have this rule. When you get married. You have to say the statement, this specific words, and you got to say them without breathing. I think I'm right, because I'm all in one breath. And you got three chances. If you make a mistake, third time you got to go back come

back another time. You can't get married to her that day. It happened to my friend is his from Uganda married Chinese Malay who had hamdulillah reverted to Islam. And he said, I said it the first time I made a mistake. The second time they said you got one more. One more chance. And he goes 100 Like I said at the beginning, it's very nerve wracking. But in Islam, really, it's not necessary to do that.

What if you can't talk? What if your hearing impaired

you can sometimes just understanding nodding, agreeing pointing is fine. Yes. All right. Can I ask you a question? So it's very simple insha Allah. So brothers sisters, you can see the identity is very important. You need to know who is getting married. You can't just say that my oldest daughter, my youngest daughter, my daughter

Who wears the glasses? No, you have to say the names and the sun. So that's the first condition, the identity. The second one is the consent of both the couple, the boy and the girl, the groom and bride both have to have given their approval or in their consent. If the girl if the bride has been married before, she must pronounce her consent in front of the witnesses or the people, she has to say it, or in front of the celebrant, and two witnesses. That's for the bride has never been married before. She hasn't been married before. If it was a bit easier, she can say, Yes, or her father can say it on her behalf.

And if she is silent, it means she approves. If she doesn't approve, she has to say no, she must say no. I personally asked the Father and I asked the daughter all the time, sometimes what I do, it's she's not around. So I gotta go inside. I gotta get her to sign. I want to hear her statement. One time, I did a marriage. Actually, there's been a couple of times like this, where I noticed the girl wasn't there. And the father of the girl was very agitated. And the groom came along with his uncle in the family. And I noticed something I won't say because I don't want to expose who it is just in case, I noticed something that made me feel that something's wrong.

So I said, everybody, we're gonna have to stop.

Ask the father a few questions. He told me some things that I said, Well, this is not right. And I went to speak with the daughter. I said, is this true? She said yes. But I want him I said, Okay, let's just think about this. And that, maybe this is there's a trick here. And subhanAllah she was convinced that after speaking to her, there was some trickery happening. It wasn't genuine. And then hamdulillah called the marriage off. So sometimes it's hard on a sudden you got to investigate a little bit.

So the consent is very, very important. In a marriage, there is a Hadith the Prophet Allah so limiting sign Muslim and similar to in Bihari. He said that a, there was a Sahabi a companion, whose sister? No, no, a woman came to shadow the Allahu anha.

And she said, My father married me, gave me a way to this man without asking me my consent. He didn't ask me at next minute or so myself married

in their culture. So she said, let's wait for rasool Allah to come in and answer. When he came along. He asked her Is this true? And she described it was I had no, no say in the matter.

And then once the cross was athalon confirmed it. He said, You have the choice to stay with him, or leave him and marry anyone else you want.

Because the marriage was not valid without her consent. So she said, I choose to stay. But I wanted people to know at least, that we are not forced to marry without our consent as women. Because the culture there the man chooses, the woman can't choose that was the culture before pre Islam, pre pre Quran.

Another woman came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam the Hadees is also authentic. And it's very well known. She said to him, yeah, rasool Allah, they got me married to this man. I didn't really see him until the day of my wedding. And the first time I saw him, I found that he was extremely unattractive to me. When he walks with the man, he's the shortest, and the bulkiest and the least attractive. He's got no money. He's not known. I don't know what I'm doing with him.

I can't I fear that I'm going to earn sins by staying with him sins, meaning I can't give him his rights as a husband.

So he called him and said, What's the matter that you gave us as I gave her a land a little strip of land as her bridal gift? And she said, return the land to him, and you divorce her. And that's it. They got divorces called Hola. So people are not forced to stay in a marriage. That has been they were pressured to, or if it gets to a point where the marriage becomes so toxic that you guys are going to earn sins by staying in the marriage, where the rights are not going to be met, then there is a room for both the men and the woman to get out of the marriage. But obviously there is a process today is not the time to talk about that we'll talk about next week. So the consent of the

couple is a condition of the marriage. Number three is the wedding. Well, it means the guardian who is the guardian in the marriage, listen carefully. Brand sisters, I have to make this very clear. The Guardian of the bride, the groom does not need a guardian.

He represents himself. The bride needs a Willie she needs a guardian who represents her and speaks on her behalf and has to approve. Why? Because the person who has to provide protect and look after

the in the marriage

In the first degree is the husband. So when he comes in, he represents himself because he is the one who's saying it, but he can nominate his father if he likes or his uncle or whoever. Because he is the one that's entering into this contract and taking on that responsibility. Why do we have her father and not her herself, because her father or her uncle, whoever it is, who is her guardian, in Islam, it is the duty of the male members of a family, the male members of a family who are related to the girl who are responsible to protect and provide for the Gill, not the mother is not the aunt is not the sons. So it's either the father or the uncle, or the grandfather or the son or the

brother. Because they're responsible for that they're responsible for her protection in her affairs, the father has to come and give that responsibility from him, transfer to this new husband. So he shakes hands with him and says, I give you my daughter, meaning, I now give you the responsibility. I'm no longer responsible for you. And we need the father there because he has got that duty and he has to pronounce and declare that the Duty has been passed on. And he agrees that it's been passed on to him. So there's no clashes. So when you understand the duties of the men and women in a family unit, you'll understand why we have the Guardian there. And really, it's about the protection of the

girl and her interests, all these men come along and these women out of mostly for the girl

so that she is not played around with she is not used, she isn't her rights are met. Because you know, in those times, especially a girl that hasn't been married before, she her feelings are really up in the air, and so is the boy right. And so you need a chaperone, you need a guardian who comes in and says okay, I'm going to think up here while you guys think here.

So it's very important Islam, you'll understand once you understand the family unit. So you need a winning now brothers and sisters, the Willie has, it's a ladder, there is an order to the Willie, the first person who has to be the Welly The Guardian is her father, in the first degree, the father is the main one.

If the father is absent, or he thought his dead, he died, for example, passed away. The next one after him is the grandfather, his father, from the father's side, he's the next one responsible in Islam. If the grandfather is not around, it's if she was married before it her son, her son is the one that represents her affairs and make sure her rights are met. So basically, they make sure their rights are met.

And when you have a husband coming up man coming to ask for the for the daughter, and he has a man in front of him. The language changes, doesn't it? It's like, Yes, I'll make it easy, but be careful. So then, if the Son is not there, then we take the brother, the brother of the girl, who is from the father's side, or her brother, who is from her mother and father. If the brother is not there, then the next closest relative from her father's side, so a nephew, a cousin. That's the correct order. Because in Islam, it is always the father side of the men who are responsible to provide protect, and

make sure the interests of the fam of the gills of the family are met. That's why the prophets Allah said aims to say hydrocodone literally the best among you men is the one best to the women of his family here meaning his wife, number one. And he also means his mother, his sister, his daughters, the

brothers and sisters. That's the Willie, some questions have been asked, is there a difference of schools of thought? Do all the scholars all the schools of thought in Islam say you have to have the Welly in a marriage? That's a fair question, and I'll answer it.

There is a slight difference of opinion on whether the wellI is really a condition of the marriage for it to be valid or not.

The marriages have two parts the contract where you sign or you talk. And then there's the part which is called the consummation. What's the difference? The first part is just verbally and on paper, but nothing, no contact between the husband and wife has happened. The last part is the consummation, which means when they move in together, they consummated you know what I'm talking about when the intimacy happened physically, all of the schools of thought there is no difference of opinion among the scholars that you need.

Actually, no, I made a mistake. Majority of the schools of thought majority of them say you cannot have a contract of marriage, or the consummation of marriage without a wedding. You must have the wedding. What is approval and consent?

Or he delegates someone. The only school of thought that I know of who says who differs with that opinion is the Hanafi school of thought. So the Maliki is the Shafia is the humble is also must be a weenie and unanimous. Classical scholars, the Hanafis have the evidence and I don't have time to go through it today but there is evidence from the Quran and Sunnah.

where they say, and they justify, in their own opinion that a girl doesn't really need her father's approval or the Welly. If on conditions, she's old enough, she's mature enough. She understands, and she's healthy mentally fit everything.

Okay? That's only the Hanafi message. So if you go to a celebrant who follows that Hanafi madhhab, he will do it that way. But I don't do it that way, and the majority of celebrants and two, so we don't have question marks on a marriage, always have the wedding. I have never done a marriage without a wedding. Alhamdulillah. But another question arises, what if the one is a bad man? What is not a Muslim? What if he drinks? What if you take drugs? What if he's so unreasonable? Just says no to every guy, we say, then we change the way from the father to the grandfather, the grandfather is the same, we go to the son sounds the same, we go to the brother. We keep moving. But this is a bit

tricky brother and sisters, you can't just go ahead and haphazardly you need to go to an eBay or a chef or go to other people in your family to discuss this says why dad doesn't want try to understand why that has said no. So the only reasons that the father can use is religious reasons. Like he can say, the person is not a Muslim, the person is a drug addict, the person drinks alcohol, the person doesn't pray at all. Right? The person is known to go to nightclubs and dance parties and flirts around with girls. I've investigated and he's a player. These are good reasons. Or the person has no finances can't look after your daughter, you need to be looked after. He can't shelter you

can't close the account spend on his is he kind of spend on himself, then these are valid reasons so that the Father has to make sure that he is looking after the best interests of his daughter. But unfortunately, some fathers, they're just so unreasonable. In fact, I get a lot of fathers like that. I have a lot of calls like this, boys and girls, especially the girls so much faster, so unreasonable. Sometimes the parents are divorced, the father's out of the picture, and I'll talk about that as well. But sometimes the fathers they try to be in the picture. And some fathers they're just abusive. And they say no to every person that comes along, based on so these are some

of the reasons that scholars have put There's nothing specific in Islam which says this, this this and that, but things that are unreasonable, such as

the color of his skin

is racist.

Some fathers reject them, because the father says I just don't like him.

Just like that, What didn't you like about him is he's got religion hamdulillah he's got good character. Yes, all the ideas I got nothing to say I just don't like him. Tehran to say no, and make it hard like that. Or maybe there's something personal. If there's a hadith, the prophet Allah Salim is also authentic. Were

Sahabi his daughter, his sister got married. The hadith in Bukhari, so Imam

Ibn Hotjar comments about this. He says his sister got married. And then the guy, his brother in law, divorced her. Divorced the sister of this companion after that, though, was over so there's something called Ada. The guy came back to re marry her. And she agreed, says yeah, okay, well reconcile, get back together. Maybe they had children together. Maybe they just loved each other. Her brother, in the absence of the father was her wedding. He said over my dead body. Hi, go and help you get married too. I look after you. I paid for your wedding. I paid for your this and for that, and now you come to us for my sister's not that easy, mate. Get out of here. This is a

personal endeavor, Vendetta, sorry.

They went to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And that's when the verse of the Quran was revealed. What is the verse? The verse of the Quran says and I want the fathers to hear this, that Allah subhanahu wata Allah. He said,

we're either to Lagotto Nisa Fabella Nigella Hoon Fela Tao Bulu Han Eun Jung Gessner as well Jehan, either Torrado binomial model, Allah says in surah baqarah verse 232, when you divorce women and they have completed their waiting term, do not hinder them from marrying other men, if they have agreed to this in a fair that is in a fair manner. That is an admonition to everyone of you, who believes in Allah and the Last Day, that is a cleaner and pure way for you all. Meaning don't restrict your daughters, your sisters, and anyone who you are given by Allah, the responsibility of the duty of care, do not restrict their opportunities and their chances. If the man is reasonably a

good Muslim, and reasonably of good character, honest and can look after her. You should not refuse that type of a man.

So Allah said, Don't restrict them because what happens afterwards? We make the halal hard what happens the Haram becomes hazing. We've seen this

happen a lot in our community, have we not? We have many. I've seen it happen many times. And what they do is they start to hide it from their parents because the parents are unreasonable. Two years later, they've been in a relationship. Finally, the parents know, and they're attached. And the parents over my dead body, the father makes a big deal. So yeah, make it easy. The reason why they did this sometimes is because you're a difficult person. Then you have the other way around with some kids, they just don't care about the parents. Now, talk to your parents, keep them in the picture. You're gonna have them there anyway. They can guide you better for people who have good

relationships with their parents to ask them, talk to them. They'll guide you Insha Allah, don't go and get attached outside in the wrong way. And then get heartbroken and not eat and get mental illnesses as a result. Do it the right way. Insha Allah keep it Hallett.

I've had a lot of youngsters who say to me is a highlight for me to like someone I said, you can like him, when it's not in your control you like him.

But don't do anything. Haram don't go further. Don't sit there talking and flirting with them and talking like, wait until you're ready. And then you can go and ask for a hand insha Allah. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you have the parents who are divorced. And the father may have some court orders against him IV owes and I don't know what and he's been trying and trying and trying. But sometimes there are mothers who are just nasty. They keep the father away from the children for the personal vendetta. Some fathers are like that. Also towards the mother. I'm not saying just one side, but it happens a lot. And I hear it a lot. And I get frustrated a lot. And

what can you do? Subhanallah fathers are absent by force. I say I need the father No, Over my dead body. The father can't be there. Some of them have legitimate excuses.

Sometimes they don't.

And many times have called the the absent so called absent father. And he cries on the phone. Many times I've had father cry to me.

Wallah here, I tried my best. They say I try my daughter, I missed them. I haven't eaten I'm destroyed. But their mother wouldn't let me. And this didn't let me and they put this on me. And they put false accusations against me huddle. Sometimes the other way around. Some mothers get mistreated like that. And they're abused as well. Both parents remember the children SubhanAllah. And then they're stuck. I remember sometimes daughters, they get brainwashed. I don't want the father whatsoever. I don't even want to be called by his name. I don't want him present. I say haram.

It's happened to me many times. Sometimes I say I don't even want his surname. This is a major sin to deny your lineage means that you were born on the street from some the milkman who Who is your father, this is an insult to you and to your mother. When you say I don't want to be called by my father's name. That's a major sin in Islam. If you don't know who your father is, that's bad. We have to have the father there. Sometimes the father delegates have no we can't delegate anybody I want so and so don't be stubborn. Insha Allah, you know, family bring families together, marriage is also a serious contract. So these are some advices run sisters, I don't mean anyone in particular,

just in general insha Allah. And so the conditions are number one, identity of the couple. Number two, consent of the couple. Number three, the Willie the guardian of the girl, number four to Muslim witnesses, who are known to be generally trustworthy, a good reputation. Number five, there is no legal impediment to the marriage. There's no legal or Islamic impediment, no reasons why you shouldn't get married. So for example, in Islam, you discovered that this person

is your half brother or half sister, you can't married and that's an impediment, you discovered that they're still married to someone else that's an impediment You can't marry. And this by the way, by the way, the Islamic and the legal ones here in Australia kind of agree a lot with the legal impediments. There's, there's a lot of agreement, there's some disagreements, but at the end of the day, no legal impediments, and I advise you all to go by the law because it's going to cause a tension problem in your marriage, you want a smooth marriage insha Allah with that either. So

unless any the law is going to make it do something oppressive, and that's not inshallah that doesn't exist, but at the end of the day, make sure that you can have a smooth marriage and shout, Allahu Allah, Allah. So these are the five conditions. And the sixth thing is the right. It's called the right of Maha. The bridal gift, we call it Maha, or in English, they say, dowry or Dawa. It's not the correct translation, but we'll explain it soon. Let's move to the two witnesses, the two witnesses only in the Maliki school of thought.

You don't have to have two witnesses at the time of the contract, but you must have the witnesses at the time of consummation. Some people they do the contract and they say, we'll have our wedding and moving together six months later. We have this in our Islamic culture, because in our Islam, we don't have boyfriend

and girlfriend relationships. You don't go out together and meet together and then you get married years later. We don't have that. That's the Chopin's away. We don't.

I'm so tempted to say, Can I say it? You don't try before you buy. Anyway, that's you don't you don't do that. Sorry. I have to say, we don't go out and do the haram. And then we think should we get married? You've been living like married couples anyway? Well, I do marriages, sometimes for people who've been together for a long time. They've got children, and they want to get married and make it halal. It's a big problem, brothers sisters, do it the right way and shall and save yourself the headache and the heartache. Anyway, you have to have two witnesses. Generally, the two witnesses have to be Muslim, trustworthy. Should there be men or women?

Well, the unanimous agreement of all the scholars and the classical scholars, there should be women, but I'm going to men Sorry, there have to be men. There is however, in one of the opinions of the humbly school and the

I think it's the Maliki school. I think one of them don't hold me to account. They say that. If you have to have one man and two women, they said that's at least less problematic. Why? Why can't Why don't you have women? Well, it's got to do with society and communities, throughout society throughout this 1000 functions throughout our cultures. Most of the time, it is the men who are involved in a contract of the marriage, women are not normally involved. So they say if you have the women, it's going to be a problem. Right? For us, it's going to be ambiguous, people are going to ask what do you mean, but women don't usually attend. Here in Australia, in the West, we have a lot

of women they do attend. So to save us from that problem, we say, Look, just have two men, just so that nobody says anything and songs the men are available. Hamdulillah. And even if you don't have the two witnesses, and nobody wants to be a witness, then you have to do it publicly in front of the audience, the audience can be witnessed as well. If their audience Muslim audience, they can be witnessed, it's not a problem.

Now we come down to the last thing, which is called the murderer. The murderer, my dear brothers and sisters is something you have to give to the wife that she requests. You don't give it to the Father, you don't give it to the brother You don't give it to anyone she requests it. And if you are able to fulfill it Maha remains loosely said abroad or gift, but it's compulsory by God. So it's not literally a gift. It's a compulsory giving, that you agree you can agree with her father, she can talk but she has to agree with it. And she's happy with it, it can be a ring it can be jewelry, it can be a gold nugget can be a land the car a house, it can be money it can be anything can be a

hazard a service doesn't matter, so long as it's within your means. And the easier it is the better.

Some people write,

for example, a diamond ring, to the value of 4000 $5,000 and jewelry to the value of say $7,000 Some of them do that. Some of them they say $10,000 put towards the furniture $5,000 towards jewelry, and $20,000 You give it later when you have it. Some people they write hush trip, a hush trip. So if they don't go to hush, however, let's say God forbid they got divorced or a death happened. We say you pay you pay her you give her the equivalent of what has is equal to some of them, they agreed to other things, whatever they agreed to, it doesn't really matter whether it's a lot or a little bit if you agree to it, it's a debt. And Allah says give the women their sadhaks. So that means the

honesty, the token of honesty that you promised with good heartedness. Don't even show that you are hesitant after you have agreed to it. If you haven't agreed to it. Yeah, you have the right to negotiate. But it's not a business transaction, you are not buying Oh, it's not a price. If it was a price, who would have said this much sort of price what she wants? Why do you do it? Why do we have this? Well, again, you got to know the roles, the role of the husband is what

to provide.

And to protect, to look after the best interests and affairs of his family in the first degrees. He is the leader of that he will be responsible for his wife and children. Part of providing could be money. So in the time of the marriage, okay, it's a form of honesty. If you really are true to your word that you will provide my daughter and you will prove and she says you provide for me. Then she requests this you give it if you can. So it's a token of honesty number two, it's a proof that you can provide number three, it is a gift to make her feel that she is special.

This is other than the wedding ring this is called the mother and number four

it is to show the seriousness of the contract. Now there's a psychology to men and women are a bit different. In our psychology, I'll give you an example. Have you ever been to an all you can eat place?

No. No you haven't here in Australia all the candidate has ever been to all you can eat. Come on, give yourselves up poop

was an all you can eat

I can see you too

heavy sets good cost a lot of money to have that Masha Allah, brother bellies, beautiful sons very attractive to some women. Allah Kula hell brothers sisters, you go to an all you can eat

your wife,

your wife goes to get her food from all you can eat. There's 100 Different foods there. What do they do the wife and her sisters and the daughters. And then the husband comes along. This is what I've seen. The wife goes, I think that green color there is nice. I like that yellow thing looks nice. And I take one little piece and put it on their plate, then I get another little piece. And it's like, it's just fun for them. So colorful food. The husband comes up says my God, I've paid $500 For this I gotta eat the worth of $500 He goes and gets all the food whether he likes it or doesn't, he gets the spaghetti, the rice that chicken the fried stuff, that's that's gonna give him a heart

attack. I don't care. I gotta eat $500 Worth, isn't that right? So for the money, psychologically, his pocket is very important. For the wife, it's more about, you know, cosmetics and enjoyment and happiness belongs with together doesn't matter about money. This is in generally speaking. In general, the husband, his pocket is very, very precious.

And the wife, she also finds her husband's pocket precious in sha Allah. But Allah knows gift from that which you find surprise gift from your wealth to this woman that you're going to marry, show that you will you are prepared and that materialism is nothing to you Insha Allah, you're not afraid to spend on your family. So having said this, brothers and sisters, there is a psychological difference and Allah Subhana Allah has made it compulsory. If the mud has not been agreed upon before the contract of marriage, it's okay the contract of marriage is still valid, but it's owed. You have to agree on it. If you don't agree during your whole married life, let's say you got

married, there was no matter.

And the husband died and never gave her the right. Then if she wants it, we asked her, she might say I don't want any matter, then it's okay. Allah says in the Quran, if you have agreed on a Mahara and she forgives her all out of her own goodwill without being pressured or asked, Allah says then there's no harm upon your own men keep them out. But if she wants it, you must give it to the last cent of the last gold nugget everything to last coin. So if he dies and there was no matter agreed upon, then she is given a Maha equal to the women who are like her in her own caliber and finances and family lifestyle.

Oh, she might say it's okay. Or she can name it or she can say I forgive.

Does that make sense? SubhanAllah. And if they divorce, and he hasn't written him or her,

then Allah says in the Quran, you must be generous without her asking. Give her lots help her.

Be generous to her, like give her gifts. Just out of you know, it happened to divorce this heartbroken. Be generous to her. She's still your sister in Islam, one brother who said

to his friend, I'm getting divorced. He said, why? What did your wife do? Because she's my wife. Nope. No man with loyalty and honor talks about his wife. She's still my wife, man. We're going to get divorced. So anyway, the guy got divorced. His friend comes up because now that you're divorced, what did she do? It's a bit of a nosy bugger. So he comes up and says she's still in her ADA. In Islam. There's three menstrual cycles that the wife has to go through, hoping in the hope that maybe they'll reconcile, that's why Allah put that up.

He goes, she's in her abdomen. She's still my wife. We're just you know, separated. I won't talk about my wife. Then they went over, she was completely divorced, gone. He said, Now she's no longer your wife. What would she do? Says Habibi, before she was my wife. Now she's my sister in Islam, and she's someone else's daughter. And Muslim doesn't talk about other people's daughters. So you never got anything out of them. And that's insha Allah that we can learn from this brother and sisters. Don't talk about even if you got divorced, whatever happened at the end of the day will brothers sisters, things go wrong sometimes unless you have to, unless you need to, to protect yourself or to

defend yourself because you have laws involved. You have to just say what's necessary, but then got an event they're fighting each other brother and sisters. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala that this long listen tonight. I'm sorry, I took long has benefited you. This is crucial information I've always wanted to say and there's so much more to say. Salalah who I know of you know Muhammad. Anwar early he was talking to me