Work in Progress STRIVING FOR PERFECTION! The Peace of Cake Podcast
Channel: Abdurraheem Green
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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh and welcome back to another session with him on the right hand side of me his name other than abdur-rahim green, the green man.
And they're on my my left hand side is of course the esteemed Dr.
Abdul Haq Baker. And this is the piece of cake and are slightly later time to incorporate I think the prayer timings. And also there's a reason why I asked for it to be a little later today. And the title Lila Jones. Yes, it I think it's a an interesting, amazing title.
Interesting. And, yes, I had to meet a group of young men very recently, this evening, who are part of a college trip and visit from the UK to UAE, up there. And I didn't expect this to be the case. But after meeting them, and the experience I had with these wonderful young individuals. When I was on my way home and thinking about the show, I thought Subhanallah look at this, looking at them as talking to them about their potential was talking about what they need to strive for. And I was emotional from the perspective that I saw people who looked like you were me, they were white and black. Most of them not Muslim, okay. And I saw that hunger in their eyes, and I saw that energy in
their eyes. But I had this sort of hope that
I've never felt like this before for our generation, to the degree I did this time, which was yeah, they live to see full maturity, full manhood to reach their aspirations. And why was I thinking that Abderrahim? Because environment they come from, I know the lifespan of those coming from a similar environment to myself. When you said that, bro, on the first thing my you know, the first thing that popped in my head is, is it really that bad? Boy, are you really talking about? And what is the attrition rate? What do you think? What percentage? How many? How many of those guys are going to make it? Is it young men? Particularly is it girls as well, or particularly young men?
How many of them, do you think on average? You're gonna because I know, I know that some people in some parts of the world I mean, we're talking about the Western world, right? Who literally, they're the only one left from all of their friends. Right? Like they're either dead or in prison. So what's the lie, bro? What's the attrition rate? You know,
I can't put a percentage on it. But when I as I said, there, 35 of them there. I went to meet them because they've come to my school. My business partners bring the bus school so I was
putting providing buses for them to go around to their game Expo they're going everywhere to like they go to the place. So when they all came in, even them walking into my security, let them in who will do 24/7 security. And all these little bits my partner said they were really surprised at the welcome they got as they came 35 young men black and white men walking into anywhere in London or in the UK will be met with for security police everyone be caught, but yet they saw the gates open. And they realized that was because okay, there's a connection. This has been facilitated for them. And then I thought let me speak with some of them. Some wanted to charge their phones or to put them
into my offices and let them sit in charge your phone. And I saw them looking sort of amazed like, Who's this black? Londoner, he sounds like us. He looks like sitting in this very auspicious office and he's gonna secure waiting at his beck and call and. And so my partner said he's, he's just like you. He was just like, you're exactly. There's nothing special about me. I'm just telling you.
I broadened my horizons. Yeah, they started listening. And I said, some of you are keeping yourself at a particular level just to fit in with your friends. And so if you've thought about differently, if you strive if you change yourself and reach the potential, you know you've got in education and beyond. Yes, you will step above some of your friends academically, but then what do you do? This is what
We do acid, then you bring your friends from, you encourage your friends. And I saw them listening really attentively, like some of them hadn't heard this type of explanation before, which was a surprise to me. They're hitting them. They made the emotional and emotive speeches about you can be the best of yourself. And that's what I told them as well. But what is that best, that best doesn't mean that you're going to be kept at a particular level. Yeah. Because you want to keep your friends happy, or your peers happy. You've got to look at what you want, and you've got to strive for it. And abdur-rahim It was while they will listen, remember, I didn't know some of them. And as I was
with them about this, I asked, I told some of them. Look, I'm from South London Brixton. And I asked him one or two of them, where are you from? And they became very apprehensive, very guarded. One of them said, I come from near where you come from. And I know I'm not gonna say on here, but what needs to be highlighted, but I know the area aimed it and I said, we don't need to do that here. There are no boundaries between us as individuals, okay?
He I saw him relaxingly to I saw one or two others relax a little but Abdur Rahim, if you're from, for example. And you're from balance,
you are me will not cross into each other's postcodes, because of what I may do to you and what you may do to me now I know those who are watching are aware of this, I know you're aware of this abdur-rahim.
Seeing that when you've bought these individuals out of their environment, you've bought them out of the country. And then you speak to them, because they're seeing all of this life. And they're seeing someone who looks like them. Sounds like them living in retirement. And you can see them looking like, Okay, how do we do this. And so it's not necessarily about not getting out here doesn't mean you've made it, you can make it a lot. But you've got to change that paradigm. You need to change that mindset where you are. So I think that work in progress, progress, okay.
We haven't reached where we want to be. And this is for all of us. Abderrahim. If I asked you, if you ask me and we look in the mirror, we don't look all the time and say Look at me, I've made it. Okay, unless we're arrogant. If we're being humble, if we're really using the deen, this is us. Now these were non Muslims, as I mentioned to you, most of them, if we're using the Dean as that benchmark regularly, we will know not where we are. And some of us may be disappointed in that. But that's not what we should be doing. Because there's so much mental health issues about not achieving our full potential being depressed for not getting where we want to be, is when we look at where
we've come from. When we look at where what we've moved away from. And under him. If I was to ask you, I've known you that most of my dean now been under Dean 32 years, I think I've known you for 30 years.
Before individual when you were 30 years ago, Marshall, lots of bright color. You've changed. I've seen him but maybe
what can I say a calm this. Maybe that wasn't there before, you might say the same concerning myself. The point I'm raising is that we're not where we once were at. We're proud we should be proud that we're not where we once were. And that where we are going towards is an exciting place to continue to strive for.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I mean, I guess I guess.
I don't know, I can look back in how I was.
Back 30 years ago, you're right. I don't know if I've, I don't know if I've got better or worst.
I don't know if I could revive some of that. How I used to be back in those days. You know, there was certainly a
that was that high, you know, that Imaan high that, you know, like you were just on a different high when it comes to eemaan. Right. That's right. So I think it's different. Like I think, you know, I think when you get to I think when I'm at this stage, it's sort of like I remember this brother saying quite a few years ago now. Right? It was quite a few years ago, but it was one of those sort of seminal moments. And he said to me, You know what I've done to him, you're at the stage. Now when you know, you now you begin to realize you're in this Islam for the long haul.
Right, you're in it for the long haul, right? The sort of buzz and the excitement of this whole new thing and this new environment and these new people in this new family, you know, and the whole Brixton crew and you know, that was a special time. Right. You know, it was a really special time being in Brixton in those days and you know, the whole Salafi Tao we talked about it a lot you know, the gym s days we that's how we started this podcast, podcast.
So we went through that whole thing. And we've been through all of that. And it was it was a, it was a very, very special time. But you know, this brother pointed out, he said, Yeah, you're in it for the long haul. And, you know, it's that it's that interesting. It's that long haul thing is that,
you know, I guess the whole your, I guess your whole paradigm shifts, your whole approach shifts.
You don't know like, you know, you may have another, you may have another 2030 years of this, right. Who knows, like people, you know, who knows, obviously, we might die next year. But it could be another 20 years. We're still you know, what are we in our 50s? Yeah, yeah. So yeah, we could be we could be in this for another 2025 years or something like that. So
yeah, there's still a long way to go. And I think that's the thing is that when you realize that you've got this long, potentially long distance to cover, I think your whole your whole demeanor shifts, your whole attitude shifts, and yeah, you get older, you get wiser you get more chilled. You know, you have a wife you have, you know, kids, your priorities are different. You know, when you're young, you have all of that gung ho, yeah. guns blazing stuff. And then it's sort of like, yeah, you realize that all of those things have consequences that sometimes you only see those consequences.
years down the line. It's like one of the things we're saying to the brothers about the whole, you know, Uighur thing, right? And it's like, you know, people are making a big, some people are making a, you know, rightly obviously, we need to stand up for anyone who's suffering and oppression and genocide, potentially what, whatever is going on there, but as some brothers are pointing out, is that well, look, remember, you know, remember Afghanistan in the 80s. You know, remember Bosnia, like, that was all it was all fine to talk about it then. But it's come to bite a lot of people.
It's coming to bite them back right now. Right? Well, I did, at least certainly it did in it 10 years ago, and stuff like that post 911 and stuff like that. So with these things, you learn a lot of you know, you know, you learn a lot of lessons.
I don't know, I don't know, bro. No, I agree. I think that.
Okay, the road ahead, I think for for some of us is going to be shorter. Allah knows best than the road behind us.
almost definitely. Yeah. And well, being proud that we're not where we used to be of the aspects that we know that
we should have shunned it took maybe longer to do that, to change those particular aspects. Remember, we upbringing we became Yeah, from that perspective, I agree. 100%, like, look, from the perspective of what I used to be like before a slam. There's very, very, very little that I can look back and feel that there's there's almost nothing, there's almost nothing that was there
was nothing I can't literally are probably coming of a thing really that I would say is yeah, I'm proud I left like all of that. There's, I think, you know, if there was anything worth hanging on to it, I've hung on to it.
So yeah, from that perspective, but yeah, there's no doubt I mean, I think I think your background and my background are very different. I think in that you know, me I would have you know, like often said I would have ended up being you know, I would have probably ended up being you know, a wasted hippie beach bum. That's probably what I've been smoking a lot of weed on the beach. Yeah.
Surfing or god knows what, that's probably where I would have been, yeah, Brian some burn out hippie, somewhere in a field, you know, by the beach or something. So, like, nothing to be proud of there at all. Nothing to aspire to, like even in terms of, you know, leading, leading a real hippie, eco sustainable, non, you know, non impactful life. No, you're not honestly, I'm sorry, if you're sitting there smoking weed, you're just wasting your life, you could be doing a lot of really good things for yourself and humanity. So, I mean, I probably would have gone down that line and wasted my white life like that. And you it would have been a whole
a whole a whole different crime genre, right.
I was my background without going into too much detail. I had a duality of lives as you know, I was working in a legal profession by that time.
I'm actually working in the legal profession, and then my other life, my night life and everything else that I was doing there. Yeah, they actually merged quite well. And I was explaining to these young men today when I was visiting individuals in prison or
I used to do visits and speak to the young men there. I said, really, that what I realized was that the hustling I was doing, and the illegalities that I was doing on the street, I said, it's just the lead, you just had to turn it and put the legal framework around it. And most of all, according to the law, and just switch lanes. And that's what I was doing. And that's why I became so good at winning cases, in my firm of going to court.
And winning, because I knew how to read between the lines, the language, odds are very good language became even better at that. And then when you're going back into your street life, and you're doing all the other things that you're doing, and it's just switch, it is code switching. And I was very good. So I had that duality of life, the thing that I had to look at is, which one would have overtaken
and I think, the latter the street culture, every single that may have overtaken, and I have very much close shaves as a result of that. So like using things like that do have a way of catching up on you, bro. Exactly, exactly. What I brought with me to the dean, I'd like to think were the best aspects of me. I hope inshallah
the temper still there. But that's that's, Is it as bad as it was before some would say is I hope it isn't. Because I know what I used to do when I wasn't a Muslim at that don't do that now. But the best aspects of me, I would like to think that I brought and the worst aspects, Eva off subdued them, some of them have been eliminated completely. So when I say I'm proud of what
I've left, and I still haven't achieved where I want to be somewhere in the middle. So for me somewhere in the middle, between both what I've left, how far away I am from those negative aspects, and where I want to aspire to be, how close or how far I am to those aspects. But one thing I do know, I don't think
it's safe to ever say that we are the finished article, the finished product. For sure, bro. But what are you so what do you think that this is you and me? Yeah. So we've had our little sort of, you know, talks about ourselves. But, you know, this, you know, what you posited today in today's talk, as a sort of approach to, you know, your, I guess, as an approach to building your life, right? I mean, so the first thing is I'm proud of, you know, I may not be where I want to be, right.
So I guess we can agree. Right? On, on the fact that we always need to be trying to improve ourselves, right? I think that from an Islamic perspective, we can all agree, is that everyone should be in some way, shape, or form trying to make themselves better in some way that just never ends, you can you're never going to be perfect. So it's always work in progress. Right. So I guess that's the first thing, the fact of that aspirational mindset that yeah, I'm always going to improve myself. But I guess this whole thing of like, the first thing, let's examine that as a general, I mean, a general, you know, philosophical or maybe not philosophical, but a sort of,
I don't know, what's the term right psychological mindset.
I am proud of where I, you know, I may not be where I want to be, but I'm proud of where I came from, like, in other words, the idea that I have moved myself forward in life, right. So I guess, like, this is what this is, again, I want to go back to your group of, you know, your group of London Boys, right, who came to visit you, right?
It touches upon this whole idea
of self esteem. Right.
And, you know, there's quite a lot, there's quite a lot of evidence that having some degree of self esteem, right, is actually really, really important. Yeah. For people to move forward and succeed in life. Because if you don't have some degree of self esteem, you're always putting yourself down. You have an extremely negative mindset, right? You it's almost like you can never accomplish anything, because you just think you're so incapable, right? How far do we take that bro? How far do we take being proud of, you know, what you've done for yourself? As opposed to potentially being arrogant? And so what do you think about that Brian and your London Boys in respect to how would you advise
them for them to, you know, feel feel proud of themselves without being arrogant and stuck up? Well?
Excellent question. I believe I think what comes to mind immediately, is the Hadith of the Prophet salallahu Salam that we should we should not look at people
above us and nvns to them, for the reason of it will cause envy. And we should look at those who are less fortunate than ourselves, check where we are, and not to be arrogant or haughty. But to appreciate that we've been blessed and given maybe more than those individuals have. There's a there's a balance that we need to maintain between those aspirations that we have, and those who may have been, who may be where we once were. Okay, I think it's very important that we keep checking ourselves in have these checks and balances in that particular way. And then also what we've got to look at is in striving for perfection, what is the intention for us striving for perfection, we as
Muslims, and the mankind, I've got the best of mankind as an example. And Allah told him Salallahu Salam that he has not sent him except to perfect good manners, good character. So none of us will ever be better than the best of creation, the best of mankind, Muhammad salallahu Salam, but we have him as our guide, as our benchmark for what to strive for. And I think in that in that way, their self esteem, humility, first and foremost, is important. And some of us lack humility. And humility doesn't mean we put our heads in the sand and we act as though we're more pious than thou. Humility, I believe, if I'm looking at it, in the context of today's world, and how we as humans, is checking
and knowing who you are, and the context within which you're living. Okay, never thinking that you're better than anyone. As we said, you and I, we've said this many times, we could be praying, and we see someone who is clean shaven, or a sister see someone who's not wearing hijab, and she's wearing hijab properly and everything. And we don't talk about the prayer or these aspects of weakness in that particular individual, but they may be more sincere than the one who's covering, they may be more sincere than the one of us who've got a beard, they may be more fearful of Allah, because they're aware of their weakness. They're aware of their shortcomings, and they've taken that
to a lot and they're asking a lot to help. Whereas the one who does not say no, we don't see jabs, I'd say an example where those of us who have beards might be thinking, well, I've got a bed in the oven, and I'm following the Sunnah and everything like that. Absolutely. We're following the Sunnah. But our hearts rotten. Have we got this stain? Have we got haughtiness because we're judging on someone who is not doing quite what we see from the apparent side of things externally referencing and judging people who we see as not being the same as ourselves. So
that's really important that when we look at another that we don't judge them from what we are in because they could be better than us and before
honestly, bro, just just to just
let me say slump and you got to say as well we've got so many salami knows and we have
walaikum salam ala to lie back out to all of you. We're not ignoring you, as you know, absolutely. abdur-rahim and myself getting into the zone sometimes. So apologies. For alarming you 23 minutes in, but welcome to all of you. And
you Yeah, so like that. What you're saying reminds me of that hadith of this woman who they came and asked the Prophet about this woman who used to, you know, like, fast and pray a lot.
But she had a really bad mouth and used to badmouth her neighbors, you know, and the Prophet said, she is a woman of hellfire. Why Allah?
I mean, bro, I mean, this is, this is a, you know, an established authentic hadith is it's like, that's really scary, right?
You know, someone praying and someone fasting, but they would have an evil tongue. They had a bad tongue, they would talk bad things about people.
And it's exactly what you said, we should, we should be very careful
not to look down upon people. But you know, back to this issue of self esteem, bro like that. One of the issues is I think, you know, again, back to the Hadith you mentioned about looking at those people who are below you, rather than those who are above you is particularly in terms of worldly things. So like, the scholars say, if it comes to Deen, if it comes to Manos, if it comes to things like that, then actually you should look to those people above you because you want to be motivated to improve your religion and character. Like and so this is the interesting thing, bro is that I think a lot of people, you know, maybe a lot of the youth that you know, you know about from that,
you know, like those dundun youth in the background that, you know, maybe you came from, is that a lot of people look for self esteem in material possessions.
Right. And so they think that self esteem is wearing a pair of Nike trainers or whatever, right or added, so I don't know, whatever, whatever the thing happens to be right. And, you know, wearing this particular type of clothes and having this type of brand and having all this bling, right. And I think that, yeah, if you've got that you're something, right, you're driving, you know, you're driving this type of car, you're driving, you know, that's it, people, you know, it's all about respect because of, not because of a person's manners, not because of, you know, what they achieved in terms of helping other human beings and, you know, elevating people in terms of their education
or looking after old people or whatever. It's like a whole completely confused, and distorted and perverted idea of what respect and self esteem is, right. And that's really, really highly problematic, I think, is that, you know, when it comes to,
when it comes to these things, people have stuff really, really, really upside down. So they even when they do try to lie, you can understand people want, you know, they want to feel a sense of having achieved something, right. But then even when they do aim for something, it's the wrong thing, because they've been given the wrong target to aim for. Right? It's just part of the whole diseased society we actually live in. Yeah. And Abdur Rahim, that's very important what you said there, because if we're looking at what achievement is, some may scoff on it, or scoff about it when they hear the narration where the Prophet salallahu Salam told us was the fact that if we wake up in
the morning, we've got a roof over our heads, and we've got an Malte for the day, then that's what contentment you're a king. Yeah, you're
that's not enough though. I just want to sorry, I have to mention something because I think this is just a really, really interesting piece of information. Yeah, I will not try to take too long Yeah. Now it's very interesting in the Quran, that Allah is reminding the bene Israel or Musa is reminding the bene Israel, right? That didn't Allah make you kings right. Now I was looking at this verse and I was saying, wait a minute. Now before Musa no one was a king like that. Okay, that was usif. But and he was he was given a high position. But like from the bene Israel, not none of them were kings. Like, I thought this was really I was really confused about this idea, right. So as I saw, I
thought, I remember reading something you know, Yusuf Ali years or years ago, I started doing anyway, some research and some tafsir Umbro, the scholars they mentioned, right, you know what they mentioned, they mentioned this hadith that you mentioned, right? And it says that actually, they were kings, because Allah provided them. And they had plenty of provision, and they would wake up in the morning, and they had houses and they had food, right? And because of that, subhanAllah This is what the Prophet said, You are like a king SubhanAllah. I didn't didn't mean it, actually, literally, ever. I thought I'd mentioned that because I think
and look at it now that that's not enough for us. No, that's not enough. And we are so externally referenced societally. So as you mentioned, the Nike trainers, Adidas, the car, all of this, the bling, all of this, we believe, is going to make us feel self validated, is going to raise our self esteem. But none of that's going to go to the grave of us. None of it's going to go to the grave of us and what we've got to look at, and this is what I've said to my children recently, I was saying to these young men when I mentioned it to them today,
invest in yourselves.
And what is that investment in yourself? It's steady. It's developing your character, because nobody can take that from you. As McKee mentioned briefly previously, and Calaca will keep that life is a marathon, not a sprint, but the way men are living in this life is that we want gratification now and our children are even worse for that now, and what is it doing? It's killing people, literally, mentally, spiritually, psychologically. Okay, so, yes, that you are like a king, you wake up, let's look at what's happening in Ukraine. They've lived in peace. For years now. They've lost their homes. The same happened in Syria. We saw it in other places integrate we see living for generations
in peace and tranquility. And when it's gone, then we realize it, and we've got to take lessons from what we're seeing happening around us. Okay, we're seeing yesterday and seeing that 16 missiles are fired in Saudi Arabia, and we saw that the Saudi Aramco oil tankers on
Fire, I'd really nice to drive past it almost every day. I'm my wife's contacting our daughters and are you safe? Are you okay? They're looking at their window when they seen these things. So my thing is why am I raising that?
Safety, tranquillity, security? Or law speaks about those in the Quran? And Allah says also elsewhere in the Quran? Do people feel secure?
In the day while they play? Or at night while they sleep? Yep.
Do they feel secure? From Allah in this way, the Wrath of Allah in this way? Do we feel so secure, that we aren't going about not perfecting ourselves, thinking that we have got time to be as as lacks of width as we've been
facing the dunya? Do we feel secure that there's going to be time like the individual gets to his deathbed or her deathbed. Now, I wish I'd done the Hajj, but you had the finances, you had all of the time to do Hajj prayers, those who have neglected their prayers and are not praying.
My thing is, we're self esteem. That's investment in self and underwriting What do I mean by that? If we look from from our perspectives, if we do our five daily prayers, yeah. rewards for those five daily prayers in this life in this era, this age, that is spirits less spirit less, doing your five daily prayers is very significant. That's one thing but abdur-rahim also what we are not doing.
If we prayed, you, me everyone else involved in watching this and participating now, if we prayed each prayer, trying to make it better than the last one. If we each prayer as the process limb told us as if it was our last prayer, yeah, there is engine of self esteem because humility will come will be striving in our prayer in the woods that precedes that in the deeds that we do after that so if we just stuck with the pillars of Islam
masala you speak in Arabic Now Egyptian
some random thing popped up rollin. So my thing is, no, no, no, that's not abdur-rahim. He hasn't suddenly turned Egyptian because that would be striving for perfection because I would admire him and say, This is what I envy him for. Now he's speaking through an Arabic and he sounds Egyptian. Then I will say Masha Allah
I know martial arts. I think here. Also were told in the Hadith, cut up Allah who is Son, I luckily che to strive for perfection in everything that we're doing. And the Hadith went on. If you kill kill, well, that's concerning the slaughtering of the animal. Okay. So everything we do, if we ask ourselves this question, are we doing that in everything we do? Are we trying to do to achieve perfection? Yeah, we're trying to achieve and if we asked ourselves, honestly, the question will be Now, occasionally, we'll put the effort in. But we're just in cruise control. And we think that is enough. What if it's not enough?
I think yeah, either. Yeah.
You know, what, I, this is a really interesting conversation, because this could open up a very big discussion. Yeah. So I'm quite interested. I'm quite interested in having this conversation. Because, like, I totally get what you're saying, bro, but I'm gonna sort of, I'm just gonna come over come at it from another angle, right?
Is that sometimes?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
There's Yes. Okay. On one hand, there is the, you've got to strive for, you've got to strive for perfection, be the best you can push yourself, improve yourself. Right? What is there accept constantly improvement, right? I sort of get that right. But on the other hand, there is also this thing is Wait a minute, like, Allah doesn't expect us to be perfect, right? And maybe this whole
this whole, you know, this whole thing of pushing and pushing and just like, you know, how far can you go and how big can you be and how paths can you make it and you know, whatever it is, right? So wait a minute, you know, Islam is easy. You know, this man who came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, You're Rasul Allah.
He said, How many prayers are there? The Prophet said this five prayers every day. So do I have to do more than that? He said, No, not unless you want to. He said, Is there anything after the press? Yeah, you have to give us a cat. Do I have to give more than that? Nope, not unless you want to. Is there anything else on top of this? Well, yeah, you have to force Ramadan. Do I have to do any more fasts? Right? No, not unless you want to. Yeah.
And is there anything more than that? Yeah, you have to make Hajj you know, once in your lifetime if you can afford it. Is there anything after that? No, like, just treat as halal, what's halal and haram? What's hot All right. So the man said, that's if that's it, I'm gonna do what I have to do. And I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to increase on it or decrease on it. And the Prophet said, if he is true to what he says he will go to paradise. Yeah. And bro, sometimes it's like we forget, like, to be honest, bro. There are a lot of scholars, a lot of people even today so many who, you know, if you don't read a Jews of Quran,
you know, a week a stock for Allah, you have abandoned the Sunnah. Yeah, let alone if you didn't pray your son Namo aka DAP, right? There are many, many scholars, you will find them saying oh, this person has abandoned the Sunnah. Right? They literally have abandoned the Sunnah. Oh, bro, it's a shorter today you're not fasting on a shorter stuff and Allah right. It's like, you know, they'll give you that sort of really? Sort of, you know, bro, do you understand what I'm saying? It's like, there is this other thing where it's like you make it more than it is not everyone is a saint. Not everyone. You don't even need to be a saint. I want you to be a saint like yet, okay? Until if you
want to aspire for that. You know that? Wilaya Hamdulillah. Right. But you know, you say your prayers and you do your fasting and you follow your pillars and you treat is halal was haram haram was salam Subhanallah that's it, you're gonna get to Jana, you're going to be successful, you are going to be successful. Alhamdulillah. Right. What you are so glad you said that because now as you heard me saying the five daily prayers, this is such an important discussion.
We've just got to do as that man asked the Prophet salallahu Salam, okay. And those Muslims who browbeat and chastise and look down and even after him, maybe we were like that in the past, I'd say probably we work with regards to attire with regards to the sisters,
everything like that. And as we've as we've matured, and we've looked at things and said, I know a lot of people as you do. I've met some wonderful people who give charity in any charitable aid and they help individually they do it secretly they do it publicly did not see. And what if you saw them you think, Oh, that individual isn't as practicing as the other one because the attire isn't the same and everything. But we they have been doing deeds that we don't even know about that will draw them closer to Allah in this light on the neck. And maybe I'm just saying or whatever. I don't even know that nothing like they just doing they're literally doing their basics, bro. And sometimes what
I'm trying to say yes. Sometimes all I'm trying to say is, you know, that's what you need to get through life. Right? You know, it's like, it's not it's not it's sometimes we make it bigger than it is, bro. Yeah, we do know we make it bigger than it is. Right. Right. And the other thing is, we always have to be careful, bro. Right. Here's a very important thing for everybody. Yeah, so you for me to remind you and to remind myself, right? How did shaytaan get Adam Alayhis Salam, the strangest thing Rober strangest thing when shaytaan is trying to confuse and tempt Adam. He says to shaytaan Adam shaytaan says to Adam Alayhis Salam. He says Allah only wants to stop you being like angels.
Right? And it's like, wait a minute, why would shaytaan say that? Like, why like Allah made the angels bow down before Adam. Right? Why? And bro like this is I only discovered this relatively it's not recently now but I used to say oh my gosh, you know when I discovered this, it was like, bro, it's because why? Because shaytaan because Adam would look at the angels. And he would say look at the angels they are worshipping Allah nonstop. They are making the calls all the time. All the time all the time me. I'm just chilling in the garden. eating some fruit. You know hanging with Eve Yeah, mashallah drinking and having a good time and
These angels look at them, they are so pious they are so Subhanallah This is why shaytani says, oh, Allah wants to stop you being like those angels. So he used Adams love of piety and his love for Allah to misguide him. Right. And this is what happened to me. I actually said that, you know, shaytaan gets people through two extremes. The extreme laziness, where are you just saying, Yeah, God's gonna forgive me, and the extreme of over piety of just like being all the extra too much. Yeah. So we do more, and then what happens, you do better. And then you got an extra love the profit and extra, there's an extra that an extra decurrent, extra, you know, like Zoho, add an extra
everything extra until what happens? You just go astray. And you just
think this is excellent on top of that, if you don't go astray in that way, you then have disdain for others, and you only keep your we know people like that we know sections of the community that are like that, where nobody is good enough. And in fact, if being on the Dean like that, if it is, in fact on the dean, like that, it should have others gravitate towards you.
But if they detract from you,
you've got to ask yourself, which you don't because you've got this disdain. Is this how the prophets Allah, Allah, Islam was a monster people. Everyone gravitated towards him, everyone, even his former enemies gravitated towards him because of his character, because of the balance with regards to his worship, with how he was. So we're pushing people away, they're detracting from us. Yes, there will be some, if you may pray. Now, five daily prayers. Some might not want to be with us because it makes them feel guilty around themselves about themselves and their
their inadequacies or insufficiencies of deficiencies. Sorry. So the point here is everything that you're saying. And more. So when we're striving for perfection, abdur-rahim, we're not saying like to go overboard.
Because perfection is, you know, what is perfection? That's the thing. Perfection?
Yeah, perfection is actually balance isn't the thing. It's finding the perfect balance. It's like surely walking that tightrope. Yeah, so there's that thin wire, right, but you can walk on it, right? That's what it's about. It's actually you, this is the thing we've got to look at, as well, after Haynes. And you and I have given we've spoken to our new shareholders, those have come to us and we don't show others.
is likely to be different to mine. Yeah, of course, action is within your own construct, and abilities. So that means that you may, you may be able to do your five daily prayers on time, I might lag behind and delay it by a little bit or whatever, you may be able to do this sooner as you you may be able to get up a little early to me and pray earlier, to give all of our perfections are relative to us. Absolutely. importance in here. So when we say strive for perfection, that's within our own paradigm, our own ability, and no one can judge that in its specificity. For example, as I said, the examples that I've given, but what we do have, we have the criteria, we've got those from
from the Dean, five daily prayers, as you said, fasting month of Ramadan, all of these things are there. And it's for us
to look at that and measure ourselves with and against that. And when we're looking at our prayers, so for example, we may say we were more fervent in our prayer when we were younger, and we refresh to the dean, but after him an activity that may have been fervency and
overzealousness. Then whereas when we look now we get more meaning from our prayer, even if it's guilt that we didn't have that fervency. The fact that we've got that guilt is showing Oh, hold on a minute. We know that this prayer could be better than it was before better than it is at this present moment now, because of how it was before with fervency. We feel more guilt we have more reflection. Even if we're falling short. The reflection is there like I need to get back to how I was before I need to protect my prayers like I was protecting them before you
Nothing would interfere with my prayers as they were before. Even that acknowledgement is a change is, is a move forward, we might not see it. But when we're beating ourselves up each time, is that from the shaytaan?
Is it from the shaytaan? If we're beating ourselves up now, as you said, and I remember you that had been told me statements fantastic. I remember you saying, quote was in the 90s, we've got to make sure that we're not listless and neglectful. Yeah, but we've also got to make sure that we're not overzealous because those who push with the overzealousness they think they are imperfect. They think that they are better than they were before. But then later on down the line, you see when there's no one around them. And you see the psychological issues that have set in that they've deluded themselves.
They have dilute the Profit System said, Do not go to extremes in religion.
Do not destroy the province. And isn't it the extremist mode destroyed? Yeah, at times mention that.
It's not put the context. Oh, we're talking about the taxpayers. And no, we're talking about those who are overzealous as well, those who are on particular things and push it to the nth degree. And not only for themselves, but against others as well. So striving for perfection, let's be really clear for our audience is relative and subjective to each individual.
Yeah, absolutely. We're all working. We're all works in progress. Absolutely. And everyone, I think the other thing, the key thing is, you know, everyone needs to understand that, you know, you everyone has their own personality. I think everyone has their own.
Everyone has something to which Allah has facilitated for them. Yeah, for so for what? Allah has made something easy for you, bro and something different easy for me. Right? So there are things that I guess, yeah, everyone has a skill set, that you need to find what your skill set is, in a sense, your niche. That's really what it is. Everyone has their own little niche. And I think that's what it is, you have to find out what's useful for you on your journey to Allah. Right? What is useful for you on your journey to Allah and what is useful for you may not necessarily be what is useful for me. And what propels you on your journey to Allah is not necessarily what is going to
propel me. You know, if I spend my time trying to do the things that you're trying to do, it may actually damage me, it may actually derail me, it may actually make my situation worse. And we have to be so careful when we're trying to shove something down. Everybody's throat I mean, you know, like, you know, I'm super passionate about Dawa, and I think Tao is so important. But you know, I realized that but some people they have this passion for charity, we you know, like back in the days when we started I era
Subhanallah one of the brothers who literally I would say one brother, right, his donations very well off brother literally built our organization. 50% of our donations came from him. Yeah, this guy, Allah bless him, right? The funny thing was right, even though he supported us for years, right. And I think it's because he loved us. His heart was not really super into dour, right. It was like, Yeah, I know it's important and this and that. And he said to me one day, you know Abdur Rahim, I know Tao is important. I know it's a far as I know, we have to do it, but you know what? My passion is the Quran. My passion is people understanding the language of the Quran, I want people
to, at least when they open the Quran, to be able to understand it and read it. That's my passion. I said to him, bro, if that's your passion, you spend your money on your passion, right? Don't give your money to us. Because it's not your passion. spend it on what you care about. Because this is what Allah has driven you towards that as what Allah has opened, Allah will help us don't worry this this work will be supported one way or the you gotta do what you feel about, right? You got to do you got to support what you feel passionate about. Your passion is not my passion necessarily much. So you know, I think this is really key for everybody. You know, you got to find your passion. And
it may change as well. By the way, you may have a passion for data and then it may change and you may it may be something else who knows you may go through a whole journey of different things. But yeah, and it's important what you said there about what is our passion like for example, when it comes to relations now,
we need to focus on when we are looking at our wife Exam.
What our wives are looking at us as husbands? Are we pushing on them? How we want them to be? Or are we pushing or driving and encouraging them to be the best of how they want to be before a lot? And a lot of the former, and the same with our children, are we pushing them to be the best that they can be as Abdullah's amateur laws? Are we pushing them to be the best they can be for us. And when we look at it, more often than not, we are pushing upon them, we are judging them on our criteria of what we think they should be. And what we hold their past to be. If we don't hold it to be good in our skills, then it's not good at all.
was with them as well, now hold on a minute, I've made progress. And I want to achieve this and this and this. But because we
can engineer with your wife and your family, because there's a hardship in it. It's not like you can just like, yeah,
it's not like you can ignore your
it's difficult. i All I'm trying to say RO is it's like the dynamics are really challenging, I guess. Because I guess because like, you know, for example, if you have a career and you're making the money, and you're paying the bills, right? You may really earnestly want your wife to develop her passion for whatever, but it's not going to pay the bills, bro. Right. And someone needs to run the house, you know, while you're working. So
you know, it's a difficult one, it but I guess what I get what you're saying, I totally get what you're saying what you're saying. But it's challenging, isn't it? It might be the other way around. Of course, I'm just saying it could be absolutely the other way around, she could be making the money, you could be looking after the that's not the point. The point is the dynamics. You know, but I get what you're saying.
I think that has to be worked on. And that has to that's constant work. But if there's something within I'm talking from the perspective of character, okay, I would be happier if you are like ABCD, okay. And if she became the ABCD, you'll still never be happy, because she's become that according to her interpretation of what you want her to be. And when you see that realized, it's not quite what you've wanted it to be. And for the woman as well, for the wife as well, I would like my husband to be ABCDE. And he becomes that. But it's not exactly what she envisage. It's like observing the memories, isn't it, bro, it's like, the grass is always greener on the other side, we
then we then say, Okay, what is the best of what they're given to me.
And we've we must adjust to that. And vice versa,
if we know that they are trying to be the best of themselves, for Allah. And then alongside that, for us, and our wives mercy, that if we are being the best that we can be as Muslims, for Allah, and then for them as partners, they've got to see how they can accommodate that. Because when we look at the divorces, and everything that's taking place, and we've both been divorced and everything, you'll see that we become like ships passing in the night. And it's like, sometimes the question is, will we ever together? Or if you're not asking that question, how did it go so wrong.
And we need to check what our expectations were, are, and continue to be with our partners with our wives with our husbands, because they, as you said, priorities change, passions change, feelings change regarding particular aspects of life. And we cannot expect our partners to always move with us on that. So that work in progress, when you're in a marriage is even more difficult. Because that work in progress is to individuals looking at their own selves. And as they're focusing on their own selves, passions may change that move them in that direction. But even if it's moving them in that direction, there's got to be a common thread that they're looking at. What is that passion that's
moving them in that direction? Is it ultimately the same that will bring them back? Is there a thread that is holding them together with regards to the religion with regards to the relationship that they have? And if that thread is there,
as long as they recognize that that one is pushing one is pulling in, we're okay with that? Because we're going to come back to the
thread that this bond that we've held here, then there's not too much cause for alarm, if the relationship is an established one.
This is what I this is how I see it. And I don't think that many of us let that happen. It's like, I'm moving.
And if you're not moving in this direction would be step by step.
At the time, I want you to be with me, then there's a problem.
That doesn't always happen in life.
sorry, bro. I totally lost you there.
My whole screen went.
I think to be honest, bro, I think you've moved into the whole different realm now. Yeah. It's not completely different, obviously. But is that is like a whole different subject now.
No, different is the same subject. Obviously.
We moved into the whole you know, like husband wife relationship realms. We've done a lot of big a big tour, bro. Why, but why after he because as, as relate as husbands and wives. We all still work in progress. And this is what happens. And this happens outside of Islamic marriages as well. How many marriages we see where the couple gets older. They get old and they say, Oh, we just grew apart. We wanted different things. And they think that's it. They've reached a point in life where that's it. No abdur-rahim as a couple until death do us part. It's work in progress.
But roll like kill. It's like death do us part is not an Islamic vowel bro. No, I know. I'm gonna say they want people. If people like they've had their kids, they've done this. And it's like, oh, you know, let's try something different in life. And they want to go a different way. Let them do it, man. It's like, I don't know. Let's not make it. Not that exactly. No, it's not that exactly. Why would they want again, bro, we pray. We don't need to put shackles on people when we don't need to, you know, I mean, it's like, we don't need to build for them a construct that it's not even there necessarily Islamically. You know? I mean, you're talking about the depth part. I'm not I
don't put that in as a joke. But what I'm saying, okay, sorry.
Our children have grown up. I feel different about the world. She feels different about why not? What not, that's fine. This what I'm saying? What did I say? This is maybe the part you missed? If there's a common thread and bond that's always been there. Okay. It's not as prevalent because of these changes. That doesn't mean we go our separate ways. Look at who was it was sold out the way for the promises them who waved her time. Okay. She recognized that the term that I shall being the younger one, the promises that may have a preference there. She didn't say divorce me. She waved her
because she wanted to stay with the Prophet. She was. Point. Exactly. But the point I'm saying there was a change, and the bond was still there. So what I'm saying in that instance, while we may change, that doesn't mean now suddenly, okay, we've both changed. And we should go separate in separate directions. I'm saying as a couple, we should have a mindset that we're both still works in progress. Marriage is complete. And if you're Dean divorces happen, obviously, we're not talking about divorces, were divorced. We're talking about having that mindset that our marriage is a work in progress. Because we have that mindset abdur-rahim, we won't become so lacks, in the sense that
we don't try with our spouses anymore. We don't really care. They see all our bad habits. We don't make any efforts anymore, because we've been together 20 years, 30 years, 40 years. 10 years. No work in progress. And we want to continue striving for perfection. Why our dream because in Jannah we want to be your best spouses.
I hope some might say No
What's happened to you roll? I want to be my spouse.
You have changed. You have changed. I've always wanted to be
nice. You're going to be preaching monogamy, bro. Like what's wrong? No, you will never hear me preach.
You'll never hear me for the one man one woman
able to do it.
I guess what you're saying and you know what? There's nothing wrong with a bit of romance. And it's always it's It's heartwarming to see to an elderly couple, right? Who have you know, been in love all their lives and
They're eight years old and they're so my mum and dad were like that my dad adored my mom she he adored my mom. Right? You know he absolutely adored her. Right and he was like what e6 sort of hang alone when he died and he loved it to bits you know the fact they got all together and this and that didn't you know like they were still they were fantastic you know like it didn't like we me and my brother grown up married this and that didn't change anything for them you know they were still you know happy little birds so yeah it's always beautiful man. I remember had this next next door neighbor back in you know our next door neighbors back in Norbury and he would say he said to my you
know saying to my wife you know what? There's not a single day that doesn't pass except so tell my wife I love her and he was like six and beautiful man we love that stuff and handler will squeegee and squeegee and love
what What's there not to love about love? And you know what you're absolutely right and wrong Work in Progress work on your love work on your relationship? What is more beautiful than two people loving each other and inshallah dying in love with each other and inshallah being raised up and going to Gemini you're absolutely right, bro. We love it. Wow
what a lovely What a lovely thing to leave it on bro. Well
progress and this is the
line and I think and it's a good way because after him the next time probably we come together next week, it might be Ramadan. And my
note for everyone works in progress. Don't beat yourself. You know?
Look at where you've come. We're on the deen even those who are non Muslim are watching us now. Listening maybe you've improved on things from the past.
We're working progress. Yeah, and we always will be a work in progress. And that's not a bad thing.
As long as we humbly LeBron, beautiful, bro. It's been a pleasure as always here on a piece of cake with my wife in green here and that one over there. That
Baker until next time, inshallah we'll have another interesting topic and like it might be Ramadan, who knows inshallah it's probably going to be so it's always been a pleasure as always brah. Joseph.
Zack lucky have an excellent week to viewers as well. And this has been a piece of cake. And we look forward to seeing you next week. Sharla Salam Alikum
walaikum salam rahmatullahi wa barakato