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Sibling Rivalry

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Abdul Nasir Jangda

Channel: Abdul Nasir Jangda

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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What I wanted to just kind of

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demonstrate If nothing else, just kind of share here today was one little example, one little example of the guidance of a lion, this messengers a lot in terms of improving family life, to show you how practical and how effective this guidance is from Alana's messenger in terms of family life. It's a, it's a very, very common issue in families, youth, some could even say it's a very small little issue. But nevertheless, it's an issue that comes up and it's a very common issue.

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And that is sibling rivalry.

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sibling rivalry, right? I mean, for those who have brothers and sisters themselves, you know what I'm talking about. For the parents that are here who have more than one child, you know exactly what I'm talking about. sibling rivalry.

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That kind of issue that occurs between brothers and sisters constantly kind of going back and forth. Whether it be competition, whether it be fighting, whether it be issues, whether it even be animosity, or jealousy, and envy or whatever it may be. And to some level, sometimes it gets to such a level, that it becomes outright hatred.

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They literally become enemies of one another. And we've seen that horrible, terrible example, you've probably seen that at some point in time in your life. So this is a very common issue. It's almost like a part it's like a human reality. sibling rivalry.

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Do a line is messengers of autism tell us anything about sibling rivalry? The Quran presents examples of siblings to us.

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The Quran tells us about hobbies and hobbies.

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The sons of other family history now

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that there was sibling rivalry there. They quarreled with one another, they were jealous of each other, they fought with one another.

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And if it's not handled properly,

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if they can't put themselves in check, if they can't manage their situation with each other, how far can we get that two sons of a prophet,

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sons of a prophet, their father had no parents? What does that mean? What does that mean?

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Was there any thing about their eemaan was automatic wasn't it?

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To know that my father was created by the hands of God.

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Just imagine what that means.

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Think about how how solid their faith in their email must have been. They knew my father was created by the hands of a law. My father has no parents. My father was directly created as a miracle, as an A will an act of God.

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Think about what their email must have been like.

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But yet, in spite of that, when they did not manage their relationship with each other properly, it led to the point of one killing the other.

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One, a brother, a sibling, a biological blood brother, killing his blood brother, his biological sibling.

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It can get that bad the Koran presents this example.

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On the other hand,

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the Quran presents another example.

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The Quran presents the example of Musa and Harun Allah masala.

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Now listen to this.

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Musa alayhis salam

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is chosen by Allah

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is selected by Allah is spoken to by Allah is given a miracle in his hand by Allah is made a prophet and a messenger of God by Allah

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think about that with that what kind of honor and distinction that is

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now what does he decide to do with that?

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I can't wait to go and rub it in his face boo. Yeah, look at me now son. What now?

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Yeah, you had the nice car in the nice house. I'm a prophet. Whatever.

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Right? Is that what he decided to do with his prophethood? Is that what he decided to do with this new boy? Is that what he decided to do with his very special relationship with the law go and rub it in his brother's face? Look at me is that what he decided to do?

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He's standing before a lot he can ask for whatever he wants rubbish roughly sorry.

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Or like expand and open my chest. We are suddenly andriola simplify my task for me. Why Lula opa that have been listening Allah allow me to speak clearly. You have totally so they can understand what I'm saying. He can ask a lot for whatever he wants and what does he say right off of that, which I Lee was here on my alley. Oh Allah. I'd love to have some backup. I'd love to have somebody on this journey with me somebody to handle this.

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Excuse me, I could really use a team I could really use a teammate

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Haruna

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My brother has to

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think about that. He has not only that, standing in front of a law, what does he say? He not only asks a law to make Haruna alayhis salam to make his brother Harun a prophet, a messenger along with him, send him on this task as well. But he compliments his brother in front of Allah not saying Yeah, thank you very much for your love for making me a prophet and messenger. I know I'm really awesome. And that's why you've chosen me, you selected me I won't let you down. I'm going to do this. I'm gonna take care of this. My brother over here. It's a good thing. You didn't choose him because he's kinda you know, he didn't say that. He says, Well, he Harun Yala, standing in front of

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a license or alumni brotherhood who are upset who mainly lisanna.

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Who I mean Nina Shannon. He says he is much more well spoken than I am. It's not he's not just saying that he's a better public speaker than I am not just simply upside meaning isn't. He's literally saying he's much more proper in speech than I am. He's a lot more better well spoken than I am.

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Think about that he compliments his brother over himself

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for our sin Houma.

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So he says, Please send my brother with me as a prophet as a messenger.

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Think about what that means.

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So that's an example of two brothers, two siblings

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who stood by one another, they supported each other, they were affirmed by each other side,

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hand in hand, that is another example of sibling from the book of Allah.

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So you see, the Quran gives us guidance in regards to managing relations that instead of being jealous, being envious, being hating each other.

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That instead of being jealous of what the other has,

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and constantly obsessing about what depth the other sibling has, and what I don't have, the Quran shows us a better example gives us guidance with the example of Busan Harun alayhis salam that the Quran teaches is the way you manage the way you can make sure you have a good relationship with your brothers and sisters, your siblings is that when the other sibling with your brother, when your sister has something you don't have, don't be jealous of that. Don't be envious of that. Don't obsess about that. Why does he has that? Why does she got that and I don't have that. And don't let that hang over your head. Don't let that make you insecure and hateful and spiteful. But rather,

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congratulate them appreciate what they have and realize you have been blessed with something else. You have your own blessings, they have their own blessings, and get over the fact that they have something you don't have learned to compliment them with. They have for what they have learned to appreciate them for what they have and congratulate them for what Allah has blessed them with. Because at the end of the day, it's not yours and it's not theirs. It's Allah subhanaw taala us. every blessing is from Allah, every blessing belongs to Allah, everything belongs to Allah. Allah created me. Allah created my sibling, Allah created my brother and my sister, Allah gave me the

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blessings I have a love gave them the blessings that they have.

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So let me congratulate them and thank Allah for blessing them. And let me thank Allah for blessing me.

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And this is this will go a lot further in terms of managing good relations amongst the siblings. At the same time, the prophet of Allah Salallahu alaihe salam gives parents, he gives parents guidance on how to manage their children's relationships with each other.

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I'm going to say something here in May Allah subhanaw taala, you know, forgive me and I asked God to forgive me as well if I offend anyone. But a lot of times in our short sightedness As parents, we obsess about our children's relationship with us.

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To the point and to the extent where sometimes we emphasize our children's relationship with us at the expense of their relationship with each other.

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Meaning what? That we are so focused on making sure that they do what we want them to do. Well, we would like them to do that we will even pit them against each other.

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Why can't you be like your brother? Why can't you be like your sister? Look at him, he is good, and you're dumb, and he's smart, and you're stupid.

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And the Prophet of Allah ceylonese sent him said

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that this might take a little bit. There's a couple of steps for me to work my way to this point. But stay with me. It might seem like I'm talking about something completely off track. But hang with me. I'll bring it right back to this point. There's an issue in

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any classical book of fic. If you pick it up, there's a chapter in that book of hip called Babylon Heba in key taboo in the book of transactions

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exchanging and transactions and things like that, there will oftentimes be a chapter on Babel Hubba. Hubba means a gift, the book on gift giving, there's a fic to giving gifts.

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like wow, seriously gotta make will do before he give a gift. No, that's not what it means. It means just what issues could come up in terms of exchanging gifts. The biggest issue that that chapter usually it's not a very lengthy chapter, the biggest issue that it focuses on is a Roger or Phil, HIPAA.

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Or Roger often HIPAA, taking a gift back.

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That's the biggest issue that this book deals with.

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Taking a gift back, I'm going to go ahead and give you the general ruling. There's a lot of specific discussions about very, very specific scenarios which are not relevant here. The general overwhelming ruling meaning for 99% of cases, it is not permissible to take a gift back once given.

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When you said here you go, here's a gift for you. That's it. You don't take it back. There's legal reasons. Because there's an issue called Tam league. When you make somebody else the owner of something you transfer ownership, it belongs to them now.

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Did that when you said this is for you. And that person says Zakouma Lock Haven Thank you very much. I accept your gift and they take it into their it now legally belongs to them done

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their spiritual reasons for this as well. And the product the reason why it's impermissible in 99% of cases to take a Give back the fundamental evidence for that ruling for such a overwhelming ruling

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is because there's a very clear Hadith from the prophets along the center. The Prophet salallahu alaihe salam says in the narration.

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He says arogya own fee he but he

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arogya ofii hibachi karate or if you think he

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if you speak Arabic By this time, you're already cringing.

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arogya ofii Heba de Karachi if you think he, the prophet of Allah salatu salam says somebody who takes a gift back, after giving somebody a gift, somebody who goes and takes it back from that person is like somebody who swallows their own vomit.

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Somebody who swallows their own vomit. Now there's different levels of this. And if you think I'm just being gross for the sake of being gross, I'm not the scholars of Hadith have talked about this, whether it's talking about you kind of vomited into your mouth, and then just kind of swallow the back like,

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right. That's one level. There are more explicit narrations which actually talk about Yeah, cool, okay.

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Like literally a communal thing, which means that no, it actually was vomited out of the mouth, and then that person eats it back up again.

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That's a very gross image, isn't it? be very honest, isn't that disgusting? It is. The Quran gives a few examples like this, when the Quran talks about backbiting is like eating the flesh of your dead brother. It's scary to ever visualize somebody sitting there and eating like the flesh of their dead biological sibling. That's terrifying.

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That's Hannibal Lecter stuff that's scary.

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So get the mental image of somebody actually sitting there eating their own vomit.

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It's terrible. You know why the profitsystem would see something so violent, gross and disgusting. Because he wants us to understand that taking a gift back is even more gross is even more repulsive, is even more disgusting than somebody sitting there eating their own vomit.

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I didn't want to go here, but it's mentioned in a deed. So I'll go ahead and mention it here, just for our benefit. There's even a more explicit narration which the prophet SAW Selim says that somebody who takes a gift back after giving somebody a gift is like a dog that vomited, and then is sitting there laughing up licking up its own vomit.

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Thinking about how gross that images

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and then think about the fact that somebody who takes a gift back is even more disgusting and vile than that animal that is licking up its own vomit.

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Think about that.

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Because of this right here,

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you're not allowed to take a gift back once you give it spiritually, it's repulsive. And there are narrations which even talk about the evil effect that it has on a person's heart and how it's, it's a very, very terrible, terrible, very evil, bad thing to do is to take take a gift back from someone from anyone. Now, the reason why I mentioned this now, it's like where did we end up here from we were talking about family. It was nice, it was pleasant, Allison, you're talking about dogs making up their own vomit. As mentioned, the

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reason why I mentioned this, there's one major scenario in which a gift can be taken back.

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There's one major scenario let me correct myself. Sorry. There's one

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major's scenario in which not only can a gift be taken back, but the Prophet sallallahu Sallam commanded that the gift must be taken back.

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Think about that. If the promises and prohibited taking gifts back so emphatically that he said taking a gift back is like eating your own vomit. Don't you dare ever take a gift back. But there's one scenario in which he said you must take the gift back.

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That means it must be a very serious situation. What is that one scenario? No man bin Bashir rhodiola. hemangioma, no Ahmed bin Bashir or the Allahu Allah is a very illustrious Companion of the Prophet system. He has narrated hundreds of a hadith from the prophets a lot of the time, he was actually known as a very good student of the prophets of the Sahaba ra students of the problem, but you know how you have some people that are very academically inclined, he was a very academically inclined student, like he was very genius. He was brilliant. He was a genius. So use the keep company with the process of a lot, you would memorize a lot of a hadith from the Prophet awesome.

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And not only that, but the process that we used to trust him a lot too. And he would oftentimes when he needed somebody to take care of a very important task to run an errand, he would send a man when bashira de la juanma.

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So Norman rhodiola, who I knew his father whose name was Rashid, who was also a Sahabi rhodiola Manu was very proud of this son. He had, he had a few kids, he had a few children. But he was especially proud of Norman Northey, along with Andrew. Why, because he was so close to the prophets a lot. He said, he was one of the star students of the prophets, Allah. So obviously, as a father, he was very proud of that.

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So what he decided to do was one day he comes up, I'll tell you this way, he came to the prophets a lot. He sent him one day and he said, you know, said Salaam to the process. And he said, how's Norman doing in the presence of martial law? He's doing a good job, I can always depend on him. I can always rely on him. He's doing great martial, you have a great son, etc, etc. And he said, Yeah, humble, I'm very proud of him. Very happy, you know that he's in your service, and he's learned from you, etc, etc. And he goes, and because of all of this, because of how great he's doing and how well he serves you a messenger of Allah, I gave him a very expensive gift.

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I gave him a very expensive gift. Like I hooked him up, bought him a brand new car. I bought him a very expensive gift on messenger of Allah.

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The Prophet of Allah sallallahu sallam, of course, being the Messenger of Allah,

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being the ultimate teacher, the ultimate would be the ultimate Imam and scholar and teacher.

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The Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam knew the family. And he knew he had other children that no man has siblings. He asked me, he goes, let me ask you something.

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He goes, did you also buy a very nice, expensive gift for your other kids as well? He was like, No,

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no, I didn't mean Norman's

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superstar student.

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I bought it for him. And for the other ones, all right.

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The Prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi salam said, You have two options here. And remember, when the system says something, it's law, Sharia, the prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam said, You have two options here. Number one, either you go and you buy the rest of your children, a similar very expensive gift.

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seroma syndrome, one narration actually says he said, O Messenger, Allah, I'm not a wealthy man, I can't afford to do that. I can't go buy all my kids a new car.

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So he said, then you go, you must, you are obligated to take that gift back from your son.

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He might be a little hurt right now. But the damage that you would cause by giving him this very expensive gift and not showing similar generosity and kindness to your other children will be far worse. Because old man, you're going to be gone one day, and then they're going to hate each other for the rest of their lives.

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So then you go and you take this gift back from Norman, this was your mistake. Yes, Your son is going to look at you with sadness in his eyes. And he's probably going to cry and he's going to be very sad.

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But you're mistaken, you got to go and fix it now.

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So we see the very practical nature of the advice that Islam provides in regards to a very simple, very common issue such as sibling rivalry. When we read the book of Allah, when you study the life of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, Look at, look at, look at what we learn.

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Look at how blessed it is.

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Look at how much we're able to learn and how we're able to realize how to manage our family relations. This is why it's very important that we constantly seek to educate ourselves to improve ourselves in terms of our family relations. May Allah subhanaw taala allow us to be able to better our family relations. May Allah subhanaw taala make our families the coolness of our eyes in this life and in the Hereafter. May Allah subhanaw taala make our families a source of peace and tranquility

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For us in this life, and May Allah subhanaw taala make our families a means of success for us in the hereafter. May Allah subhanaw taala reunited with our families in genital for those who are Allah, Allah Kiran, slowly Curatola America