» Earn on-going rewards and help us do more! «

Mind The Gap Improving Family Relations Abdelrahman Murphy

share this pageShare Page
Abdul Nasir Jangda

Channel: Abdul Nasir Jangda

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:05--> 00:00:26

hamdulillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala shuffle and we are Muslims in the Muhammad. Allah He was meant to be sent to Medina about oberholzer. All right, I'm sorry, again for the delay. We had some issues with transportation. But I'm glad we got them all figured out. And we're here safely. Ready to have this awesome discussion in sha Allah. The title of tonight's talk is called Mind the Gap.

00:00:27--> 00:00:38

How to Improve family relations? When I say the title, Mind the Gap, what is the first thing that comes to your mind about this speech? Raise your hand, let us know. What do you think let's make this more discussion. Indian while you're smiling.

00:00:40--> 00:00:47

Okay. Anyone have any suggestions? When I say Mind the Gap? When I talk about family generation gap? What are some issues that come to mind?

00:00:50--> 00:00:52

Yeah, and you know, we already made our context. So you got to do it.

00:00:54--> 00:00:55

cultural gap? What do you mean by that?

00:01:01--> 00:01:34

Okay, so parents might maybe were not born in the same culture as the kids were? Let me ask you something, does that mean that the parents had to have been born in a different country? No, right, because their culture changes from time to time, right? In the 1950s, United States culture was very different than it was now. So maybe if parents were born a while back, it's still the United States, maybe even in Knoxville, Tennessee, they The Times may have changed so much that they might not be able to understand the struggles or the lifestyles that their kids are having or going through. Okay. So when we talk about minding the gap, the general idea of the speech is to discuss the

00:01:34--> 00:02:03

disconnect, right? A lot of times, a lot of youth will come to me and ask to say, you know, my parents, it's just, I just feel like they don't get me, I feel like there's just some sort of disconnect. I feel like they don't understand me. And this is a very, very big problem. And a lot of parents will come and say, I'm trying to understand my kids, I'm trying to, to know what they want. I'm trying to take care of them, but also be good with them. But they just don't seem to give me the chance, right. And so there's a there's a large disconnect, maybe not all the time, but at times, and this can cause really, really large problems. And the reason why this is an important topic in

00:02:03--> 00:02:44

Islam is a few reasons. The first is because the relationship in the home, the relationship between family members will often dictate the relationship that one has with Allah, right. So if one person has a tough relationship with their parents, or with their siblings, or with their spouse, as we said, in the session last night, you should have the natural saying, and sort of bucha in the middle of a passage that's talking about divorce, and dealing with divorce and marriage. Allah spawn, tada tells the people protect and watch over your prayers, right? Watch over your prayers. Because oftentimes, when people are having interpersonal relationship issues, it can affect your

00:02:44--> 00:03:21

relationship with Allah. So this topic is very serious, right? And you meet sometimes people who are, quote, unquote, religious or whatever you want to insinuate by that word, but they often sometimes neglect their families, right? Some sometimes even very large speakers at large conferences, their their children themselves often say like, I can't, I can't even talk to my dad, or I can't even speak to my mom. Right? So it's become a huge issue. And we have to address it because it affects the men of our families, right? The amount of our families, maybe we're living in a large house, we have a nice, nice job from the law, good career, our kids are getting good grades,

00:03:21--> 00:04:00

but the spiritual state of our family is crumbling. And that's because we're not taking care of bridging this gap connecting these two pieces that are disconnected. The second point is because of the topic or the the reason why it's important is because of the content tonight that I'm going to talk about. And this is the only portion of my speech, Allah smart Allah in the Quran and source of Islam. He has a couple of ads that give us a guideline of bridging the gap between parents and kids. And this advice that Allah is giving is mainly to the youth to the kids. Right? And it's interesting because Allah subhanaw taala says, He says, Don't commit shirk with me, right? He says that we've

00:04:00--> 00:04:18

commanded you not to associate partners myself. And then right after that, he says, will bill Wiley Dania Santa so it's interesting because Allah subhanaw taala is telling all of all of mankind or all of the believers at this point, he's saying don't associate any partners with me. What is that in Arabic? What's the term for associating partners with Allah?

00:04:19--> 00:04:52

What is it this is very very scary if we don't know this what is this what's the term should look right? What is the number one sin that any human being can commit? shared right when you give the rights of a lot to something else, right oftentimes when I say shift, the first thing that comes in our mind is like a person bobbing towards like an idol or like some sort of like stone or something right? But should it can be done with things other than idols right? Maybe it can be done with American Idol if you're watching American Idol instead of praying Muslim and you miss monk or prayer then that's literally become an idol. Right? So we have to be careful not to think that shear can

00:04:52--> 00:05:00

only take place when we're actually bowing towards stones. No, it's not just like that should happens when we neglect a Las Palmas odda for something else that is

00:05:00--> 00:05:34

not greater than him, right. And by default, nothing is greater than him. So that's that's that's the definition of shift. So a lot smarter than this idea. He's warning and shift he says, do not commit shift. don't associate partners with me and worship me alone. What bill o'reilly Dania Santa. So immediately after the first and most important tenet of this faith, Allah says, What? and be the best you can to your parents? This shows us the importance, right? How close the two things are, if we're running an event, right, we had this event here tonight, and we're organizing it and we're setting things up. And the most important thing about the event is getting the speakers here on

00:05:34--> 00:06:06

time, right? Everyone who was here waiting for a while is like, Yeah, right, right. But the most important thing is getting speakers on time. If I told him, I said, we need to get the speakers here on time. And we need to make sure that the microphone is plugged in. Right? It shows you that that microphone being plugged in is also very important, because it's so close to the other thing that's very important. So when we take a look at this idea, we realize that being good to our parents, is not just some sort of like extra credit, it's not something that you can do on the on the weekdays or part time is something that we have to strive for. Because without doing it, our faith is not

00:06:06--> 00:06:15

complete. Right. Our faith is not complete. And that's what Les Paul tells us. He says we've been well he didn't understand what is a sand mean? Can someone defined for me?

00:06:20--> 00:06:26

excellence who said, excellence What is? What do you mean by excellence? I'm not sure experience.

00:06:36--> 00:06:41

Okay, do something that Allah would want you to do. But what if I did it? Like? What if I was like, Alright, I'm gonna pray.

00:06:43--> 00:06:47

So his accent? Okay, what's sad?

00:07:04--> 00:07:40

of your ability? Right? You very good. Exactly. So send Allah spawn, tada is telling you, he's saying, Be the best you possibly can to your parents. Right? And what's interesting here is that Allah subhanaw taala didn't say what he didn't say by your parents at Gucci handbag. Right? He didn't say by your parents or brand new Corvette, or he didn't say cleaned the house for your parents? What did he say? He said, Be the best you can to your parents. And we take a lesson here. That's very interesting. Is that are any of our parents, right? for young people? Are our parents, our friends, parents? Are they the same? No, they're not right? Like our parents want something. And

00:07:40--> 00:08:12

maybe our friend's parents want something completely different. So Allah subhanaw taala didn't tell us a specific thing to give to your parents. He didn't say for your parents make sure that you buy them a brand new sofa? No, he didn't say that. He said, Be the best you can to your parents. Why? Because that's showing that you have to get to know your parents. If you don't know your parents, how can you be the best to them? Once you get to know your parents, you know that their likes and dislikes, then you can be the best you can to them. So in this command allows it you know, he's intuitively saying, Get to know your parents right. Now, the question is, when you say what will

00:08:12--> 00:08:24

validate is another question comes up, how do I do this? Right? I'm trying. And oftentimes young people come to me and they say whether Murphy like my parents, I don't know how to make them happy. Have any of you ever felt like that with your parents Raise your hand.

00:08:25--> 00:08:43

You're like, I don't know what I can do to make them happy. I try my best, but they just they're not happy with me. Right. And this is a very, very common problem. And a lot of it deals with communication issues. But this gives us some tips, it gives us some tips, it gives us a a five step plan to take care of this problem. The first tip that it gives us

00:08:46--> 00:09:04

is not to talk back. Right? So when we deal with our parents as young people, it says not to give them any sort of like negative words or just talk back to them last month, as well as lahoma. Often, he says and do not say to them off, right off in the Arabic language is how many letters?

00:09:06--> 00:09:48

two letters, right shapes? Are there any words that are one letter in every language? No. So if it's two letters, it's the smallest possible word that could possibly be formed in the Arabic language, right? oath is the size, the smallest possible size of a word that can be formed in the Arabic language? You know, the beautiful part about this is a last proton. I didn't say he didn't say to you, he said, Don't say to them, oh, go away. Leave me alone. No, he said simply never even say to your parents. He said don't even say to your parents, the smallest amount of disrespect that is humanly possible. So what about the big levels of disrespect? Allah subhanaw taala is taking it down

00:09:48--> 00:09:59

to the lowest common denominator. He's saying, Listen, don't worry about all these fights and arguments and phrases. Try not even to say to your parents off what's the smallest smallest disrespect that anyone can give. Don't even do that.

00:10:00--> 00:10:29

Don't even do that. Let me ask you though, let's say that we work on this. And as young people we don't we don't talk back to our parents. We don't say, oh, fright or anything else. I don't know if is a common American phrase like, Oh, right. Let's say something smells bad, or I don't know what's going on, right? It's not a very common phrase. But let me ask you something. If you don't say off to your parents, or you don't, or you don't talk back to them, can you still not be treating them? Well? How so? z? Oh, is it? also one of you gotta answer.

00:10:31--> 00:10:42

Very good. Excellent. So we can keep going, right? We don't wanna go too far, because, but you can ignore them. So maybe you walk into your house, and your parents are like, how's it going? And normally, you're like, oh, and you just walk away. Right?

00:10:43--> 00:10:57

Right. But maybe now you read this verse, and you're like, Okay, okay. Okay. I know, I'm not gonna say often you walk in and they say, like, oh, how you doing? You say, I'm fine. He's walk away, slam the door. Is that considered loving and respectful to parents?

00:10:58--> 00:11:12

parents? Is that loving or respectful? Is that what you expect all day, you're waiting all day for your beautiful son or daughter to get home from school. So you can talk to them, take them shopping, buy them anything they want on Black Friday, and you say, how are you? And they say, Fine, and they walk away?

00:11:13--> 00:11:31

No, that's why Allah subhanaw taala. He takes it a step further. So the first advice is what don't say. Don't say, very good. The second advice is when I say don't you say okay? The second advice is, don't repel them. Don't push them away.

00:11:32--> 00:12:05

Don't push them away. Right? Because you might not say off to them. But when you when you speak to them, or your body language, the way that you react to them physically, might still push them away. Have you guys ever been in a situation where the way someone was even sitting or looking at you made you not want to be around them? So someone's clearly upset with you. And they're staring at you, you're like, sounds like I'm there. Like, and you like don't want to be around them. Because you're like, oh, cuz it's kind of weird. Like this body language is like coming off really odd. Right? So when we deal with our parents, we might not say negative things to them, we might not talk back or

00:12:05--> 00:12:36

say off even. But the way in which we look at them the way which we have our body language to them, the way in which we interact with them might repel them. And the last point on this is don't do this. Don't repel your parents don't push them away. Right? So Allah is giving us a training guide, step by step on how to how to fulfill. Right. Let me ask you another question. Right? And the answer is going to be yes. But let me just ask you another question. Can you not say off and not give them body language, but still, at the same time not be like loving?

00:12:37--> 00:12:57

It's possible. So you might control your body language, you might try to walk very respectfully. You might not talk back to them. But at the same time, if you don't talk to your parents, it's kind of it's kind of a difficult situation, right? True. Right? True. It's rude, right? Exactly. It can be rude and parents can see that as rude. And we have a parent who's testifying right here that it can be considered rude.

00:12:59--> 00:13:32

Let me tell you something. And I've said this before in speeches, but this is the truth. When we are all younger as younger people when we are young you guys just see showing up the Nasser's daughter in fact, you don't even have to see her you'll know when she gets here that she's here. Why are you here? Abu Abu Abu Abu speaking right now can you stop singing a boo her? No, she's cute though. But his kids Mashallah, when you see them with him? What are they always doing to you constantly, they're chatting you up? Right? Like never stopping? Right? Yeah, like you can't give them a cell phone. It's gonna be difficult issues on your phone bill, right?

00:13:33--> 00:13:53

Your kids are always talking to you and parents when your kids were younger. Did they ever stop talking to you? It's like they wanted to tell you what their whole world was like. Right? So when we were younger, we got back from school. We're in third grade. We're like, yeah, mom school was fun. I had a cookie. I eat that sandwich. I eat that crayon. You ate the what? So you hit the crowd, like, yeah, hit the crowd. It was good. Green. Right?

00:13:55--> 00:14:26

You just keep talking, talking, talking. You tell them everything. Everything about your day, I saw a bird on a tree that I saw the cat that I saw on the grass. And I saw this is and the parents ears are just like, oh man so much, but they love you so much. They have so much love for you that every word that's coming out of your mouth, even though they're tired, they've had a long day. They love hearing you talk to them. Now imagine that you have this kind of relationship with your parents. You can't stop talking to them, right? You're a chatterbox. You love talking to your parents for like years and years and years. Then all of a sudden you hit the seventh grade and you come home and

00:14:26--> 00:14:38

they're expecting their son to come home from the first day seventh grade. And like mom in middle school is awesome, right? But instead the son comes home and mom's like, how baby how's your day and he goes fine. Leave me alone. You never understand me, right?

00:14:39--> 00:14:46

I know tweet about you can't stand this house. Want to move out. I can take care of myself. Right? Can I have allowance now? Right?

00:14:48--> 00:15:00

So like years and years and years of like the kids can't stop telling their parents right. about their day about their night about everything. Always always talking to the parents. Right. Look what I did. Look what I did. Right like you

00:15:00--> 00:15:45

stained the carpet with ketchup. That's not something to be proud of. Look, I stained it right? And then as soon as you hit like 12, or 13 or 14, then all of a sudden we're too cool. To cool to talk to our parents. It's embarrassing. So I'm going to drop you off at school. No, no, my friend will do it. Don't drop me off, please. I was gonna make fun of me. Right? So last point, Allah says, The next advice, he says, and speak with your parents or speak with them. words that are caring, that are generous and kind. And something that just people enjoy, right? Speak to your parents words that are getting. So the first step is don't talk back, don't say. The second one is, don't have bad body

00:15:45--> 00:16:21

language, don't walk around, like, Oh my god, I can't like, right. And the third one is, once you reach this level of you're not talking back and you're not having bad body language, then approach your parents, talk to them. Ask them how's your day, honestly, ask your parents stories about their childhood, and you'll have the opposite problem, your parents won't be able to stop talking, right? I wouldn't ask my dad and my dad is a little bit older. And I asked him about like his college years and stuff like that, I got the full biography like I could have, like, seriously, it was very long, right. But the reality of the situation was that when I approached my parents, or when any of us

00:16:21--> 00:16:45

approach our parents with kind words that are loving, then the relationship will just bloom, it will just blossom, right? And all those difficulties that we have with our parents might just disappear, right? These are devices from Allah, and Allah created us and he created our parents. So he knows exactly the solutions to the problems that we have. So that's the third step. The fourth step now, I'm sorry, I said five steps was four steps to achieve a son with parents to bridge this gap.

00:16:46--> 00:17:27

The fourth step is this. And this is a huge test to see a lot of us we try to pride ourselves on being good children, right? Even if a lot of us have problems or maybe fights with our parents. And by the way, having this disputes and fights with with with your parents and your children is normal profit. We're here all day, Sam, had a big issue with his parents, right? prophet prophet newer, right, he had issue with his son, right? It's even even the NBA had family issues that they had to deal with. And we learned from those issues. So having disputes with their parents is not in and of itself. Bad. But it's how we treat those disputes. It's how we try to resolve those disputes. That

00:17:27--> 00:17:37

is important, right? And so less powerful. That gives us the final step, the final step to see if we are good to our parents, good children. And the last part Allah says

00:17:39--> 00:18:09

he says that, and when you when they when he's talking about specifically when they reach older age, but this is showing up in Alaska was saying like, that's just like the bar. So imagine if they're if they're your parents aren't as old, right? Imagine if they aren't as old but alas, montado. Specifically here he mentions if they reach older age, not to treat them with this native characteristics. And he also says Finally, the final step is that you make do out for them. And the specific drop that you make is Rob Burnham, Houma, come out, obey any ciliata and this is a very powerful.

00:18:10--> 00:18:47

So last point, Allah says the final step to see if you're a good child to see if you're someone who is really doing assent to their parents, is that you make this drop or you say, oh, Allah. Yeah, Rob, are a bit hemangioma, have mercy on both of them, those two cannot be any saphira. Just like, when they raised me, they had mercy on me when I was small. Right. And we talked about this a lot. Sometimes it might hold up sometimes in just regular talks, that oftentimes as young ages, we can't remember the mercy that our parents had for us, right? Like Ayesha is two years old right now. He is two years old, from from now for, from the beginning of her life till now, she might not remember

00:18:47--> 00:19:19

anything that you know, that you and you and your wife have done for her. Right. And I don't think I have any specific memories that are like sticking out in my mind of things that my mom or dad did for me when I was younger, right? When I was two years old, maybe like once you hit the age of like four or five, you start remembering things like vividly. But when you're really young, and you're the most fragile, and you're in your infancy, and your parents take care of you to every degree, right? Like if you're at a restaurant, and that kid is crying and the kid starts you know, whatever, maybe something has caught in his mouth and the parents are like going in there trying to fish the

00:19:19--> 00:19:37

potato chip out with their fingers. And it's like really awkward. Like I was at tomato, one of the two of my friends and my friend and his wife, and their son was there and his son, their son is two years old. He just turned two. And he just he was hungry, I guess. And so he grabbed all these potato chips. And he was tomato had they had the thick potato chips or kettle chips. Not easy for kids to chew.

00:19:38--> 00:19:59

So he grabbed it from his mom's plate and took it and just shove them all in his mouth right like he was one of those like squirrels look, while he's just waiting, and we're all just staring at him like Oh God, like something's gonna happen. Cuz kids I don't know if you know this but younger kids, they had this like lock jaw thing that when they don't want to open their mouth, they will not open their mouth right?

00:20:00--> 00:20:12

You can take like an industrial construction plier. And like, they'll be like, boom, and then like bend it right. So the parents start trying to reach my friend and his wife start trying to reach in the in Abdullah, his name is Abdullah. It tried to reach out, build his mouth and take out the chimneys like.

00:20:13--> 00:20:25

And then all of a sudden his face like tenses up. And his cheeks start getting like pale, because He's choking. Right? And he tries to open his mouth, but there's so much food in there that he can't even open his mouth.

00:20:26--> 00:20:57

And all of a sudden, instantly, his mom and his dad start going nuts. Right? They only know this kid for two years now, right? But their love for Him, they just going nuts. My friend gets up his chair falls down his wife gets up is literally like trying to like pry the kid's mouth open and like reach in there, like fish it out. Because he's so fragile, that even a potato chip, right? The only other person I've heard this happened to is George Bush, right. But even a potato chip could have taken his life away.

00:20:58--> 00:21:34

And you know what the sad thing is, when Abdullah hits 16, or 17, or 18, and he tells his parents, you don't understand me. You don't do anything for me. Right? Maybe he won't say to them, but he'll think that when he gets angry, he might not remember the time that he was choking on that potato chip and tomato head in Knoxville, Tennessee, and his parents were going crazy trying to get it out and save his life. He won't remember that. So this draw is particularly powerful, because you're admitting you're admitting the fact that your parents when you were younger, and you can't remember anything they did for you. They were merciful for you why the evidence of that is that you're here

00:21:34--> 00:21:35

today.

00:21:36--> 00:21:50

The evidence of your parents mercy upon you when you were younger, is that you're sitting here alive today. Because if your parents didn't have mercy on you, it wouldn't have changed that diaper. They wouldn't have fed you on time, they wouldn't have given you naptime. You wouldn't have become a nice, young, healthy person like you are today.

00:21:51--> 00:22:31

And so that draw is forcing the human being to admit at one point I was helpless, and my parents helped me. So Oh Allah when my parents become helpless help them. And that's the beauty of this draw. So when a lot of tells us and tells us the command, he says Be the best you can do your parents. He gives us four steps. First step, don't talk back. I know it's so difficult. I know. It's so tough. Trust me. Trust me. I used to call you on the phone like literally like, Oh my God. When I was still in Chicago, I'm and I love my mom beyond belief. Like, a lot like my mom is the reason I'm anything, right? Clearly. I mean all the biology majors like duh, like she gave birth to you like I

00:22:31--> 00:22:35

know that. Okay? pre med students, literalist.

00:22:36--> 00:22:47

No, but my mother and my father, like, obviously, any Claire that I have, that I have inside of me comes from people who are around me, and they start with my mom and my dad. Right. But my mom, my mom and I, I don't know if any, are any of you Egyptian?

00:22:48--> 00:23:21

Yeah, you know, Egyptian moms. They're serious, right? Or even North African, right? Egyptian or Algerian or Libyan or Moroccan. It's North African parents are serious, right? And, and sometimes it's not that easy to get along, right? Because we're all we all have strong heads. And we like it our way. And the young people like it too. And I tell this story, but I tell it all the time. So I can reminder, I can remind everyone that like I could not wait to move out. When I was getting when I finally graduated, and I was getting job offers from here and there and I was going to Dallas for that one year that I was there. May Allah forgive me.

00:23:22--> 00:23:46

And I and I finally moved to Dallas. The whole ride down was my friends. I was like, yeah, I'm out of the house. Or I'm a real man, right? Can we go by dinner by myself? Right? Watch a movie by myself. Like all these things. That night, I was on the living room floor, my apartment crying like a baby. calling my mom saying I miss you. Right? And I only spent 37 hours away from her. Right? I was like I missed the cushy mo I miss the falafel.

00:23:47--> 00:23:54

Who's gonna cook for me? I looked at I looked in the cupboard. There's no cups. There's no plates. Where do you get that stuff anyways? Right?

00:23:56--> 00:24:29

It's so obvious how fragile we become. So Allah subhanaw taala says, Don't say, Oh, and I know it's tough because trust me, I have a North African mom. I know it's tough. But you got to bite that tongue. Right? You got to bite it because you don't want to answer for it on the day judgment. The second tip after not talking back, is to give a positive presence in the home. There was one young man who came to me and said my parents, they always bothered me. They always do this. They always do that. They never let me they never trust me all this all the problems that any youth might have. They named it and then I went to his mom and asked him I said, What's the deal? Right? What's the

00:24:29--> 00:24:32

deal? And she said, you know, we never see him when he's home.

00:24:33--> 00:24:38

He's home, he goes straight to his room. He locks the door. The only time I see him is when he comes out and gets food he goes back to his room.

00:24:39--> 00:25:00

Right? Have a positive presence. Make sure that your body language at home is not hostile. Make sure it's merciful and open. Right? Because as soon as your as soon as your body language gets hostile or concerned or worried, trust me, your parents know exactly what's going on and they feel for you and they get upset. So you don't want to have that the third is to engage them in good conversation as tough

00:25:00--> 00:25:32

It might be I know that you might not have anything in common, right? But you got to try it, you got to do something, right? That's part of it's part of being a mersin it's part of having a sense is that no matter what you try your best because you're doing it for the sake of Allah and the fourth and final is that when your parents aren't there, right you don't do when your mom walks in the room your mom walks you know what I've been home home and come out obey anti Soviet All right, look at your mom. You do it when no one's there. You do it when your parents fell asleep or when they're on vacation, or obviously the most ultimate is when they passed away. You continue to make them out for

00:25:32--> 00:25:49

your parents when they're not there. That's the true test of whether or not you were doing send to your parents and trust me this gap that we're talking about the bridge that's broken between parents and siblings if these four steps are followed and tried at your best I promise you or your money back right keep my you didn't pay anything right?

00:25:50--> 00:26:08

Then inshallah your relationship and the gap will be closed to their parents. I asked Allah Spano, tala to allow us to be mindful and to follow what has been said and what has been heard. inshallah, if I made any mistakes or for myself, if anything is Claire's from a restaurant Tada. So panicle humble Be humble. Actually the one la isla hella and stuff protocol with x&y

00:26:14--> 00:26:17

become a nice, young, healthy person like you are today.

00:26:19--> 00:26:58

And so that draw is forcing the human being to admit, at one point I was helpless, and my parents helped me. So Oh Allah when my parents become helpless help them. And that's the beauty of this draw. So when a lot of tells us and tells us the command, he says, Be the best you can do your parents. He gives us four steps. First step, don't talk back. I know it's so difficult. I know. It's so tough. Trust me. Trust me. I used to call you on the phone like literally like, Oh my God. When I was still in Chicago, and I love my mom beyond belief, like hums a lot. Like my mom is the reason I'm anything, right? Clearly, I mean, all the biology majors like duh, like she gave birth to you

00:26:58--> 00:27:02

like I know that. Okay? pre med students, literalist.

00:27:03--> 00:27:15

No, but my mother and my father, like, obviously, any Claire that I had, that I have inside of me comes from people who are around me, and they start with my mom and my dad. Right. But my mom, my mom, and I don't know if any, are any of you Egyptian?

00:27:16--> 00:27:49

Yeah, you know, Egyptian moms. They're serious, right? Or even North African, right? Egyptian or Algerian or Libyan or Moroccan. It's North African parents are serious, right. And, and sometimes it's not that easy to get along, right? Because we're martial law. We all have strong heads. And we like it our way. And the young people like it too. And I tell this story, but I tell it all the time. So I can reminder, I can remind everyone that like I could not wait to move out. When I was getting when I finally graduated, and I was getting job offers from here and there and I was going to Dallas for that one year that I was there. May Allah forgive me.

00:27:50--> 00:28:14

And I and I finally moved to Dallas. The whole ride down. I was my friends. I was like, yeah, I'm out of the house. Or I'm a real man, right? Can we go buy dinner by myself? Right? Watch a movie by myself and all these things. That night, I was on the living room floor, my apartment crying like a baby. calling my mom saying I miss you. Right? And I only spent 37 hours away from her. Right? I was like I missed the cushy mo I miss the falafel.

00:28:15--> 00:28:21

Who's gonna cook for me? I looked into I looked in the cupboard. There's no cups, there's no place. Where do you get that stuff anyways? Right?

00:28:23--> 00:28:56

It's so obvious how fragile we become. So Allah subhanaw taala that says, Don't say, Oh, and I know it's tough. because trust me, I have a North African mom. I know it's tough. But you got to bite that tongue. Right? You got to bite it because you don't want to answer for it on the judgment. The second tip after not talking back, is to give a positive presence in the home. There was one young man who came to me and said, my parents, they always bothered me, they always do this, they always do that. They never let me they never trust me all this all the problems that any youth might have. They named it and then I went to his mom and I asked him, I said, What's the deal? Right? What's the

00:28:56--> 00:28:59

deal? And she said, you know, we never see him when he's home.

00:29:00--> 00:29:05

He's home, he goes straight to his room, he locks the door. The only time I see him is when he comes out and gets food he goes back to his room.

00:29:06--> 00:29:39

Right? Have a positive presence. Make sure that your body language at home is not hostile. Make sure it's merciful and open. Right? Because as soon as you as soon as your your body language gets hostile or concerned or worried, trust me, your parents know exactly what's going on and they feel for you and they get upset. So you don't want to have that. The third is to engage them in good conversation. as tough as it might be. I know that you might not have anything in common, right? But you got to try it. You got to do something, right. That's part of it's part of being a mersin it's part of having a sense is that no matter what you try your best because you're doing it for the sake

00:29:39--> 00:30:00

of Allah. And the fourth and final is that when your parents aren't there, right? You don't do when your mom walks in the room your mom walks you know what, I've been home home and I'm out I'll be anti Soviet. All right, look at your mom. You do it when no one's there. You do when your parents fell asleep or when they're on vacation, or obviously the most ultimate is when they passed away. You continue to make them out for your

00:30:00--> 00:30:16

Parents when they're not there that's the true test of whether or not you're doing send to your parents and trust me this gap that we're talking about the bridge that's broken between parents and siblings if these four steps are followed and tried at your best I promise you or your money back right keep my you didn't pay anything right?

00:30:18--> 00:30:36

Then inshallah your relationship in the gap will be closed to their parents. I asked Allah Spano tala to allow us to be mindful and to follow what has been said and what has been heard. inshallah, if I made any mistakes or for myself if anything is Claire's from Allah spawn tada Subhan Allah Mohammed, actually the one la isla Allah and stuff protocol with x&y